A Provision Story

First there was the leak in the line that ran from the water heater to the wall. It was a river in the backyard, and now there is a soggy floor that will probably have to be replaced (maybe).

Then there was the car that wouldn’t shift into third.

And my blinker went out. Again.

And the phone lines seems to have gotten wet from all the rain we had. All you can hear is crackling. The computer goes in and out. But I am not complaining about the rain, that was wonderful.

The leak was fixed temporarily but the day before yesterday it burst again. Another river.

With fifteen minutes left on the clock before she had to return to work options were limited. CALL…..PLUMBER……NOW.

But then something made her think of John. That nice man in the park that fixes everything. And I mean, everything. She hurriedly knocked on his door and he was just finishing up lunch. She was desperate, and no sooner had she gotten the words out of her mouth, he said two magic words.

Let’s Go.

He went down and proceeded to appraise the damage to the pipe. Then said, “I can do this while you are at work, don’t give it another thought, I will put a whole new pipe in and all I will charge is forty for labor and forty for the part.” A steal.

When she got home, it was all done, the way Home Depot should have done it in the first place. I think of how he could have been anywhere else that day, but he was home right then. And he made himself available.

Thank you God, and thank you John.

We were so thankful. It made me think of how God takes care of us through sending just the right people. I thought of all the wonderful things my friend does for others all the time expecting nothing in return. How she never hesitates to go the extra mile for anyone. She’s the one who Jesus must have meant when he said:

And whoever compels you to go one mile, go with him two. Give to him who asks you, and from him who wants to borrow from you do not turn away. Matthew 5:41,42

When she gave him his pay, she also presented him with a gift, a beautiful new pair of socks in a Superman bag. When she went to his house the first time she noticed he had holes in his socks and she teased him about it.

It’s nice to see someone rewarded. To be treated with the same kindness they give back to others. It doesn’t always happen.

Our God provides.

Always.

When I moved away from my home town years ago, that safe cocoon I had lived in all my life, there were times I doubted that. But it seems everywhere I went, God kept placing wonderful people in my path.

There was Willa, who prayed for me when my sister in law’s cancer came back. And then later Ruby and Ron, who became wonderful friends when I knocked on her door one day when I ran out of Mary Kay. Many wonderful home-cooked meals were enjoyed in their home. She was my Mom away from Mom.

We are still friends to this day, and that was 20 years ago.

And then, when we moved back to Arizona the second time, at a pivotal and scary time in my career, there was Will, who came from nowhere but really I do know where. We prayed together each Saturday at work and he reignited my love for the Word. Then we met his wife and now when we all go to dinner together, the fellowship is sweet. Usually we end up laughing all night.

Will retired from Intel and is now a Pastor of a wonderful church in Chandler. And then there is Abel, another local Pastor who works three computers away. It is a blessed thing to look around and see believers sprinkled here and there. It is wonderful to know that at any moment, I could ask for prayer and they would stop what they were doing and pray.

Yes, our God provides, in people, in provision and in grace.

Sometimes I still get fearful and forget that. But I am doing that less and less as the years go on.

Time to get small

It’s almost the weekend. Praise God from whom all blessings flow.

Some weekends feel like finally setting your foot safely on the shore after swaying, teetering and flailing your way across a rushing river, stepping stone by stepping stone. I am always the one who tends to get distracted by the thought of falling in……losing my balance. Or by thinking about how cold the water is and how fast it’s flying by. Painting all the worst scenarios. I forget how Big God is.

And get overwhelmed with how small I am.

I am a slow learner, but He is patiently teaching me how to take stone by stone, day by day.

He nods and smiles and sometimes shakes His head from the shore. Sometimes He cries with me. And when I, like Peter, forget who He is, He reminds me by reaching an arm out and steadying me on my feet.

Today is the last day of my workweek. It’s the day that ushers in my weekend. I feel the stress receding like the tide, and I’m catching my breath. It’s time for slowing down and getting small enough to let the peace and joy seep back in.

To gaze at the world with eyes of wonder again.

Sometimes, getting small is a very good thing.

My favorite way of getting small is by going outside and staring up at the sky. When I realize how small I am, it focuses my mind on how big God is. Even the simplest thing such as gazing at the way moss clings to a rock has a way of shrinking my own problems, the ones I think I have anyway, down to size.

When I get small enough, and still enough, I can feel how close He is.

That’s when I can finally let my imagination come out and play. That’s when the magic happens and I begin to wonder things.

Things like how birds can stay on the bough slumbering all night without falling off. Just once I’d like to be there with them in that deep green of twilight, right after the last bird sings. In that silence when evening falls and night noises rise and the call of the cricket and bullfrog bring it to life.

I wonder how it would be to ride on God’s shoulders during a thunderstorm while He walks among the clouds.

And when it rains like it did last night I will do like I did when I was very small and press my face to the glass and imagine a world parallel to this one where everyone shines, and everyone wears diamonds.

Get small with me?

Lord, our Lord, how majestic is your name in all the earth. You have set your glory in the heavens. Through the praise of children and infants you have established a stronghold against your enemies, to silence the foe and the avenger. When I consider your heavens, the work of your fingers, the moon and the stars, which you have set in place, what is mankind that you are mindful of them, human beings that you care for them? Psalm 8:1-4

See Me

A letter to our youth obsessed culture:

See me not as a “Senior” but as a person.

Don’t cast me aside as if I no longer have any value. Don’t look at me as having passed my expiration date. People don’t have those. There is life, and there is death, and while I have breath, I still have life. I still have opinions. I stll have feelings.

If you are a health care worker and you are looking after me? When I tell you I have to use the bathroom, don’t tell me when you can get to it. Can you imagine just for a moment how you would feel if you had to ask another person to help you do that? One of our most basic of human functions? Think of me the next time you are rushing to the bathroom when you think you can’t hold it anymore. I have been through a lot in my life, and I don’t deserve that.

Don’t see just my wrinkled skin, watery eyes, see the value of all my years added up.

There is much I can still teach you. Much you still have to learn.

I know it makes you uncomfortable to see me because I am a reminder that you too will be here someday. You will see the rights you once had slowly dwindling away and your friends and loved ones die one by one. You will remember your youth and how you felt, who you loved and how they loved you.

You will remember smooth glowing skin and strong legs that never got tired.

See me. See me with your heart and you will see the value of my soul which is priceless to God.

See that all of us equal here.

Because I have laced my days together with Gratitude, with a big “G” I can be at peace even here. I may look alone to you, but I’m not. I have the best company you can imagine because He dwells with me. Here.

Here in my sunny chair, in my little room, I take comfort in the God who saw me in my Mother’s womb. He sees me the way I was then, a newly born soul.

Soon, very soon I will be born once more and this time forever.

See me.

For you created my inmost being;
    you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
    your works are wonderful,
    I know that full well.
My frame was not hidden from you
    when I was made in the secret place,
    when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
Your eyes saw my unformed body;
    all the days ordained for me were written in your book
    before one of them came to be.
How precious to me are your thoughts,^[a] God!
    How vast is the sum of them!
Were I to count them,
    they would outnumber the grains of sand—
    when I awake, I am still with you.

Psalm 139:13-18

photo: flickr by Nutch Bicer, some rights reserved

Kingdom Work is whatever we do

^“Work willingly at whatever you do, as though you were working for the Lord rather than for people. Remember that the Lord will give you an inheritance as your reward, and that the Master you are serving is Christ.” Colossians 3:23

I make my way down the stairs, heavy bag slipping off my shoulders and cast myself into the sea of voices. I dodge bleary eyed people like myself intent on one of two things, coffee or food. The great migration of mammals to those canisters filled with magic to wake the senses, spark the brain to life.

I pause by the fruit bins, the fresh offerings they give us to entice us to eat better, to be healthier so we can feel better so we can work harder. I pause, my phone at the ready, wanting to capture it all, this teeming life that flows down around my ears right now.

I hear the opening strains of Billy Joel’s “River of Dreams” and for just one moment, with the backdrop of voices and back slapping and greeting, I feel like life is pulsating around me. And though it’s so close, I feel I am standing on the shore. Not quite in. Not quite out. What would it feel like to feel fully in? Here.

All in like poker.

I wander, looking at angles, how I would photograph the fruit bins, the sign hand scrawled suggestions. The cafe workers, everyone else. This wondering and wandering is part of what makes me, me. All I want is to go back to my station and write……..of this life.

I make my way to the coffee and wonder why it is that donuts always look so much better than fruit. I window shop and watch plates sailing by. Breakfast burritos, pastries, plate piled high with eggs, bacon and English muffins. I take nothing, remembering the banana I brought and the cottage cheese waiting in the sack I so hastily threw together this morning.

Still, I watch, I observe. I wonder.

How it would feel to be fully engaged? Here.

If I were here to take pictures, or talk about writing or my faith how easy it would be. Oh, I am engaged. I am here, I am early, I am ready to work. People on the other end of the phone tell me they am glad I am here. I sense their confidence in me………Still.

To be fully engaged is: eyes wide open, pulse quickening, fully focused, doing the thing God created you to do engaged.

For 18 years I have been less than fully engaged and that makes me wonder who or what I have robbed.

When I was back home I said, “I wonder what kind of world it would be if everyone loved their jobs?” My Dad said, “I wonder how it would be if people just wanted to work?” Maybe he’s right. People didn’t think about liking their jobs in his day. They just got up and went to work no matter what, to support their families.

Maybe he’s right. Maybe I think too much. Maybe we all do.

And yet, at this job at which I am less than fully engaged, there are people God has wanted me to impact, and people God wanted to impact me. Lives colliding not by accident but by Divine Appointment. He has held me here for a purpose, that I know. And this job has stretched me in ways nothing else could.

It has thrown me out of my comfort zone over and over again, so that I had no choice but to depend on Him.

And in these 18 years of twelve hour days I have carved out a livelihood, a gift God has set before me. And in those 12 hours of each day I get two hours to do what I want. Who else has that?

And somewhere, sometime, God will show me what my real job was here. And it will have nothing to do with building computer chips. It will have everything to do with contributing to people and building a kingdom.

His.

It’s God who gave the nod

I was going to say something about how time is washed away like the water washes the sand back out to sea but that was just too Hallmark. Nothing against Hallmark mind you, I love the movies, the stores and the cards. However, now that I have planted that seed, I will let the picture do a much better job than my words could anyway.

What can I say? It’s my Birthday and I liked the picture.

My day dawned happy. I already had Facebook posts and cards at 4:30 AM and a best friend who got up bleary eyed just to wish me a happy day and give me a Birthday hug. How cool is that? The cats just wanted food, but I gave them hugs too and asked if they had their party hats ready for tonight. I think they rolled their eyes.

And even though the freeway detour put me late to work. I sensed the Lord smiling on me as the sky sped past above my moonroof. It looked like Rafael was painting from Heaven.

On that detour I saw things I wouldn’t have ordinarily seen; a man walking his dog, stumbling in the dark. I saw country houses still asleep and I was grateful for the detour signs which were clear. I am one of those directionally challenged people for whom everything presents itself in a dramatically different way in the dark.

My heart was fairly bursting with the joy of the Lord and this was my overwhelming thought:

That it wasn’t just my parents who brought me here to this place, it was God who gave the nod. It’s God who packaged my particular brand of DNA and yours too. I am here because He wanted me.

How can I not feel overwhelming gratitude?

This past year has had a fair amount of sadness and stress, like every year, but the joys have far outweighed it. People in our life have met eternity, and some have moved and found new homes. Old things were sold to make way for new lives, new starts. New hopes and dreams.

I was able to help my best friend through some very difficult moments and celebrate victories and sit on the beach once again and eat seafood until we couldn’t hold anymore. And in the backdrop of most every moment we were able to laugh.

There were several hospital trips and I was there to feed my brother ice-chips and rub his feet on two occasions, and I was there when he collapsed in the emergency room. God worked that out. I think back to when we were in our teens and I think how everything changes once you get older. You become people to each other. Friends instead of siblings.

I spent cherished time walking around the lake with my Dad and I was able sit and hold my Mom’s hand as we watched TV on the couch. I got to see Lauryn start another year of school.

I am thankful today that they are all together this weekend at home and not in hospitals.

Today, I think of the time I have spent and the time I have left. I have been given a little snippet of time here on earth and etenity stretches before me and it’s more real now than ever.

And even if I never get to see all the wonderful places I want to see on this earth, I have eternity in my back pocket. And that is something I never take for granted.

I get a little goofy about Birthdays, I admit. But that’s something about me that will never change, no matter what.

It’s because I have been given a gift, we all have. And one more year is another year of gratitude for what He’s done for me. And if I am breathing and living, I owe something to Jesus.

And when it all comes down to it, it’s people that matter. Every vacation, every emergency, everyday, it’s the memory of the time spent together that makes it all worthwhile.

So enjoy my day, my friends. Treasure it and tomorrow too.

And keep those you love close.

When it’s easier to bask in God’s love than love others

Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love. 1 John 4:8

I have that line in a song and sometimes when I am not loving the way I should, which is most of the time, it sounds like a taunt. Like there should be a sing-song, “neener, neener, neener” behind it. For those of you unfamiliar with the term “neener” here is the Wikipedia answer:

A childish taunt or jeer pronounced with a nasal sneer, for lack of a more intelligent retort to someone else’s jeer or taunt, usually from a peer. Sometimes sung to the tune of “Ring-Around-the-Rosey” for really driving the point home.

I have found that it is much easier to bask in the warmth of God’s love than actually go out there in the world and love His people. But that is what God says is the proof of our love for Him. How we love each other.

It’s much easier to sit on the sidelines and write about people than actually go out there and love them. It’s much for comfortable, especially for someone like me who is a bit on the reclusive side. However, it is not nearly as rewarding.

The truth is, sometimes I hide behind my writing, and if I had to be really honest? Far too often people irritate me.

Oh, I can do a pretty good job with the ones in my corner, the ones I choose to love. I lavish love and affection on those who love me, my friends……my family. But loving others just plain wears me out. I find loving on my animals is much easier. I give them a little food and affection and they are at the door to greet me when I come home.

I have heard it said, “The more I am around people, the better I like my (dog, cat….etc.) you get the point.

The more I am around people, the more I know I need work, and the more I am aware of how much grace God has extended to me.

If there is anything I want to be remembered for, it’s not now bright I was, or how rich, or how funny, or anything else, but for how I loved.

Sometimes I convince myself I am doing an okay job, but then I withhold my love in tame but mean little ways, by making assumptions about others, or putting them in a category by how they dress or what they drive.

And I wonder sometimes if how I am loving others is indicative of how I am loving myself.

Sometimes love means extending the same grace to others that we would want them to extend to us. I was reminded of this the other night on the way home. E and I were just about to turn onto the last stretch of road before home when a big red truck screamed by and pulled in front of us. Then he slowed down. Way down. When we tried to change lanes he changed too and blocked us in.

I said….”I can’t believe this. Here……now? Almost home after driving 5 hours?” We were just minding our own business driving down the road after all.

In a shiny new Black Camaro.

With grey racing stripes.

Of course, it was dark and the other driver couldn’t see us. I am sure they must have assumed that behind the wheel was a young guy looking for a race. Instead he got two fifty something women who only wanted to get home. I think that maybe he would have felt bad if he had seen us for who we were.

And he was wrong in his assumption that we wanted to race.

It made me wonder what would make someone do that. It also made me wonder about how many times I have misjudged people or situations.

As unbelievable as it is when you consider what evils people have done to each other all throughout history, the truth is this:

Every single person who has ever been born has the breath of the living God in their nostrils. That alone makes them worthy of love, impossible as it sometimes seems.

“People are often unreasonable and self-centered. Forgive them anyway. If you are kind, people may accuse you of ulterior motives. Be kind anyway. If you are honest, people may cheat you. Be honest anyway. If you find happiness, people may be jealous. Be happy anyway. The good you do today may be forgotten tomorrow. Do good anyway. Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough. Give your best anyway. For you see, in the end it is between you and God. It never was between you and them anyway.” Quote from Mother Theresa

She always humbles me. That is all I have for today.

A Pinterest Lesson

I wasn’t calm last night on Pinterest. Not calm at all. And I usually am. It’s my new favorite thing, but last night it all went sour. Sitting at the computer in the dark, I was glad my Mom couldn’t see me, because it would have confirmed her belief that computers and all things that are spawned from computers are straight from the pit of hell.

I was obsessed, you see. With that little empty board on the left that is the first thing I see when I open my Pinterest page. It’s the one that says, “Create a board.” And I don’t want it there. I want the first thing I see to be all my beautiful boards, not that sad empty one. It mars the landscape. And last night, I sat there frazzled, already beyond tired.

I couldn’t even move it down to the bottom.

It……was…..something……I……couldn’t……control.

The worst thing was that on every single profile I looked at? They didn’t have it. Their pages were all nice and pretty. Only their wonderful pins were there. What did they know, that I didn’t know? That is what was mocking me.

And the truth was, that was the real problem. I felt like I was alone. Like I was the only one in the world of Pinterest that didn’t know.

I felt like I was back in first grade and I could see myself sitting at my desk, struggling with math, as usual. It seemed everyone got it but me. I can still remember it, that day a classmate sauntered by. I can still see her face as she shook her head at me as she went up to hand her finished paper in.

I can still remember the day I had to stay after, again with math problems. Again in first grade. A classmate’s sixth grade sister came by and she was mad that I was crying, mad at the teacher for making me stay after.

That’s how I felt last night at the computer. Alone. And the devil taunted me, everyone knows but you. Everyone has the answer but you. As I crept off to bed, unsuccessful in my endeavors, Elaine snickered at me. “I am the only one that has it….” my voice trailed away and she smiled and shook her head. She knows how weird I am.

This morning I woke up groggy, not a very happy camper. I felt kind like this guy:

I found him on Pinterest, of course.

Carrying my lifeblood cup of coffee back into my room, I opened my devotional for today and God brought me to tears through it. This is what it said:

July 18th, by Sarah Young”

I AM NEARER than you think, richly present in all your moments. you are connected to Me by Love-bonds that nothing can sever. however, you may sometimes feel alone, because your union with Me is invisible. Ask Me to open your eyes, so that you can find Me everywhere. The more aware you are of My Presence, the safer you feel. This is not some sort of escape from reality; it is tuning in to ultimate reality. I am far more real than the world you can see, hear, and touch. Faith is the confirmation of things we do not see and conviction of their reality, perceiving as real fact what is not revealed to the senses.”

And then? When I got to work I had a co-worker pull up her Pinterest profile and she had the empty pin too. And I didn’t feel so alone anymore.

You see, the problem, or what I perceived to be a problem was still there, it was just that now I had someone to share the burden. To make me feel less alone.

Even enjoyable things can be marred sometimes because all we see is the thing we don’t like. Not the hundred things of wonder all around us.

Pinterest learned me.

And even if the empty board taunts me until Kingdom come. I will be okay with it. I will.

I think.

In the Quiet

And I say, “Oh, that I had wings like a dove! I would fly away and be at rest; Psalm 55:6

This morning I didn’t even change, I went out to my prayer closet in my PJ’s in the half-light. It was hot, sticky, and the air smelled of dust. I couldn’t really smell it, since I have never had that sense. I share that genetic trait with my Grandpa on my Dad’s side. I went out, lit my candle and tried to remember the hymn that came to me at around 2AM this morning. I pulled it from the cobwebs of my mind after a few slugs of rich, deep coffee……..

Take my life and let it be consecrated, Lord, to Thee. Take my moments and my days, let them flow in endless praise, let them flow in endless praise. Take my hands and let them move, at the impulse of Thy love. Take my feet and let them be swift and beautiful for Thee, swift and beautiful for thee.

I never did enjoy singing it, because I felt the melody kind of dragged along, but the words, the words. I feel the power of those words and the rest of the hymns I learned so long ago now more than ever. Those melodies, those words are the backdrop of my life. They come back so often and never fail to comfort, to strengthen, to bring peace. Unless someone had taken me to church, (thanks Mom) I never would have heard them. I hope they never go away.

This morning, God beckoned me to a still forest, a place I’ve cleared in my heart. Desert beauty only goes so far, especially when the mercury soars 110 and above.

There I gathered all my happiest memories like a child gathers favorite toys. “Sit with me,” He seemed to say, and just enjoy my presence here in the quiet. So I did. And I imagined I could actually smell the pine. “It’s one thing I want to smell when I get to Heaven,” I told Him. That, and salty air and flowers. “Oh,” He said, “You will smell that and much more, for the air teems with life and only life, and death is not even a distant memory.”

If you are grieving someone today, please know that there will come a day when the joy of simple things will make you smile again. There will come a day, and it will surprise you, that you will laugh again. You will probably feel guilty about that too, but try not to. They wouldn’t want that. But sure as I know anything, I know this. Dawn will break in your heart, and you will know you will be okay. And the memories will no longer cut like a knife, they will be a source of comfort.

You may wonder why people don’t come by. It’s not because they don’t care, it’s because they may not know what to say. They may be fishing for answers themselves, and they feel useless if they can’t give them to you. Just the same, you are loved, you are thought of, you are not alone.

Take my voice, and let me sing
Always, only, for my King;
Take my lips, and let them be
Filled with messages from Thee.
Filled with messages from Thee.

Words: Frances R. Havergal 1874.

Not just another day…….and thank you Mrs. Evans.

As I raised my flag today in the half-light of the morning that is 4:15, I glanced up at the sliver moon and the sky which was still scattered with stars and as always on this day, I was thankful. And my gratitude, as always, was overshadowed by the sense of sad remembrance that others had died for my freedom.

All through our history the flag is tinged with blood and it’s something I don’t take lightly.

Others have paid. Most recently, it was 19 young men who probably never thought they would give their lives for the sake of keeping a town and its people safe that day. But they knew they might. They might have thought it was just another work day. And every day people do this…..our military, our police, our firefighters, and everyday they don’t get recognized enough.

As I drove to work I listened to a John Philip Sousa medley and I sang the Star Spangled Banner at the top of my lungs. It wasn’t easy because it was stuck in with other songs and it was fast. But my heart was there. As I sang, I remembered learning every single patriotic song under the direction of Mrs. Evans, my first grade teacher. We put on a concert where we sang them all…..out of tune and loudly. And the parents loved it.

I think one of my favorites was “You’re a grand old flag.” I wonder how many kids today even know it? I remember Cindy Yeaman singing in my ear. Her mother must have told her to sing loud so she could hear her, boy did she.

Thank you Mrs. Evans, for I think of you every patriotic holiday that comes around.

Even though I have to work today and have worked many Independence Days over the years, it will never be just like any other day. I may do the same tasks, go through the same motions, but my heart rejoices in the freedom others paid for.

More than anything else, I remember the greater freedom bought with Holy blood on a cross. A God who loved so much that He gave until it hurt. And while soldiers, police officers, firefighters and others in public service continue to give all to save some, and that is what we remember today; God came so that He could save all.

“The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness. Instead he is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance.” 2 Peter 3:9

That’s the greater freedom I will celebrate.

And as I do, I will snatch quiet moments to pray for the families of those 19 men who died, and our soldiers still fighting many different kinds of battles, some of which start after they come back home.

Tonight, as I roll in the driveway full of the thankfulness of being home, of having a home, I will pray for the ones who just lost theirs, and much more. As I get ready to celebrate by eating special food and watching fireworks from the high school light up the sky, I will also think about how I was bought with a price by a God who loves me.

And give thanks again.

Because even though I had to work, it wasn’t just an ordinary day.

And really, what day is?

Photo credit: AP/Julie Jacobson, 19 red roses honoring the fallen firefighters

Lori's Prayer Closet

"And when you pray, go into your room, close the door and pray to your Father, who is unseen. Then your Father, who sees what is done is secret, will reward you……"Matthew 6:6

Reflection