I wasn’t calm last night on Pinterest. Not calm at all. And I usually am. It’s my new favorite thing, but last night it all went sour. Sitting at the computer in the dark, I was glad my Mom couldn’t see me, because it would have confirmed her belief that computers and all things that are spawned from computers are straight from the pit of hell.
I was obsessed, you see. With that little empty board on the left that is the first thing I see when I open my Pinterest page. It’s the one that says, “Create a board.” And I don’t want it there. I want the first thing I see to be all my beautiful boards, not that sad empty one. It mars the landscape. And last night, I sat there frazzled, already beyond tired.
I couldn’t even move it down to the bottom.
The worst thing was that on every single profile I looked at? They didn’t have it. Their pages were all nice and pretty. Only their wonderful pins were there. What did they know, that I didn’t know? That is what was mocking me.
And the truth was, that was the real problem. I felt like I was alone. Like I was the only one in the world of Pinterest that didn’t know.
I felt like I was back in first grade and I could see myself sitting at my desk, struggling with math, as usual. It seemed everyone got it but me. I can still remember it, that day a classmate sauntered by. I can still see her face as she shook her head at me as she went up to hand her finished paper in.
I can still remember the day I had to stay after, again with math problems. Again in first grade. A classmate’s sixth grade sister came by and she was mad that I was crying, mad at the teacher for making me stay after.
That’s how I felt last night at the computer. Alone. And the devil taunted me, everyone knows but you. Everyone has the answer but you. As I crept off to bed, unsuccessful in my endeavors, Elaine snickered at me. “I am the only one that has it….” my voice trailed away and she smiled and shook her head. She knows how weird I am.
This morning I woke up groggy, not a very happy camper. I felt kind like this guy:
I found him on Pinterest, of course.
Carrying my lifeblood cup of coffee back into my room, I opened my devotional for today and God brought me to tears through it. This is what it said:
I AM NEARER than you think, richly present in all your moments. you are connected to Me by Love-bonds that nothing can sever. however, you may sometimes feel alone, because your union with Me is invisible. Ask Me to open your eyes, so that you can find Me everywhere. The more aware you are of My Presence, the safer you feel. This is not some sort of escape from reality; it is tuning in to ultimate reality. I am far more real than the world you can see, hear, and touch. Faith is the confirmation of things we do not see and conviction of their reality, perceiving as real fact what is not revealed to the senses.”