Everyday Faith

What it means to work as “Unto the Lord”

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Whatever may be your task, work at it heartily (from the soul), as [something done] for the Lord and not for men……Colossians 3:23

I just have to brag on my best friend a little bit here. I known her for 24 years now and for as long as I have known her, she has put her heart and soul into every job, every task she undertakes. She doesn’t just “do a job” she changes the environment where she works for the better. She gets involved. Sometimes she has to pull back because she actually gets too involved in the lives of the people she works with and for. She gives herself away until it hurts. She refuses to stay on the sidelines.
 
She doesn’t just “do her job and go home.”
 
She confessed with tears glistening in her eyes just the other night that she doesn’t tell me everything about what she observes from the children she picks up, and what she hears. Some of it is heartbreaking, the things she sees. She takes their burdens as her own. She talks to the kids not at the kids. She doesn’t let them get by with disrespecting her, each other, or themselves.
 
And as you can see by this letter, they love her for it. And because they know she cares, they confide in her which is sometimes a mixed blessing.
 
Her co-workers know that all they have to do to find her is listen for the laughter that follows her wherever she goes. Finding the humor in any given situation is something many people do not know how to do and it is the one thing she has been able to do throughout her life, which has not always been easy.
 
Even one of the parents confessed, “I want you to know, you are the topic of many of our dinner conversations.” The kids tell their parents the lessons they have learned on Miss Elaine’s bus that day. She rewards good behavior and doesn’t overlook bad behavior, but more than that, she seeks to understand why they are acting up and she makes them think about what they are doing and why they are doing it.
 
And when Miss Elaine has to stop the bus, they know she means business. She is part counselor, part friend, part taskmaster, part teacher……and I have no doubt that she would put her own life on the line if it meant saving those kids.
 
It has been a hard two years for her, being a full-time caretaker for her Mom, and in many ways she says, “This job saved my life.”
 
And sometimes, at just the right time, God rewards your hard work and dedication and it pays off in a big way. Sometimes, you get assurance that you are doing it right.
 
****side note: she is fond of calling her kids her little brussel sprouts, maybe this little girl couldn’t remember that. I love how she picked another vegetable****

Wearing ashes on my heart

Confession

I love the idea of getting “Ashed” for Ash Wednesday. I wish my protestant church would start doing it. I guess I could find a Catholic church on my break, but I probably won’t. If I were really honest I would have to say a bit of me would be embarrassed to wear that smudge all day. I am afraid people would be coming up to me all day saying I had something on my face. I guess that means I need to wear them more than anyone.

I am not going to give up anything specific, but I am going continue to try leaving more and more of myself at the foot of the cross.

I will willfully try not to be a ball of anxiety most of the time. At any given time, my left eye will start to twitch…..that is a sure sign that I need to improve in this area. As Elaine tells the kids on her bus over and over again, anger is a choice, so is anxiety.

I will continue to stumble along the Way carrying my own small cross to calvary. I will  fail and I will fall, and when I get there I will  leave things at its foot and then turn around and snatch them back up again. But I will most definitely keep on going, with my eyes on the hope of the empty tomb.

I have recently started reading the Bible through in a year. I am using the YouVersion on my IPhone, Old Testiment/New Testament plan. So far I like reading both side by side for the contrast. I am wading through Exodus…..endless sacrifices, endless rules, endless geneologies. I find myself skimming through it and yet I know it is all there for a reason. I am comforted by the human element in all the stories.

I love when Moses tries to get out of going to fetch back the Israelites from Egypt….I love the exchanges between He and God, how he tries to wear God down, and how God in his infinite love and mercy, finally gives Moses a concession by allowing Aaron to be his spokesman.

And then in Matthew, when Jesus tells Peter that He will be killed there and Peter recoils in horror. The thing that struck me about that was Peter was so focused on Jesus’ death that He doesn’t even take note of the fact that Jesus also said that in three days He will rise.

Just like all of us, focusing on the ashes of death, the big negative and completely skipping over positive, the happy ending to the story.

The Resurrection hope that belongs to us all.

Keep your ashes close today, wherever you wear them.

Blessings and peace to you today, Lori

Thankfulness and the poop of life

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For the first 15 minutes of prayer this morning my mind just zoomed like those little cars going around a toy racetrack. I remember my Dad  and brother snapping those tracks together on Christmas morning, and I can still hear the sound of those little cars that never went quite fast enough without jumping off the little grooves.

After two years of being out in the elements in our Arizona room….yes, it has walls, but they are not made to keep out the cold or heat….Elaine moved herself back into her bedroom on Saturday.

It was a big victory and it surprised me how much better it made me feel. I think I needed it to happen as much as she did. And now that she is back inside, she marvels how she did it out there so long. In the summer she literally slept on ice packs. It was more bearable in winter, but the noise of the freeway kept her awake many nights.

The heating and cooling bill will go down now, since we aren’t keeping that door wide open. I just have to get my cat used to the fact that he doesn’t have free access now, that he has to use the cat door and go around. He made it known he wasn’t happy with that plan this morning by pooping right in the middle of the floor. He may not be able to speak but he can communicate in other ways.

It’s an apt reminder to me that in the midst of daily life, there is always some form of poop to deal with right along with the good stuff. We just have to handle it right.

I realized this morning that I haven’t participated in Ann’s One Thousand Gifts count for a long time. I have kept counting in my heart but not here, so today I measure out my gratitude once again. It won’t ever be enough for a God who has given us everything, but it’s a start.

#957 Elaine having a place of peace, a refuge once more, being able to get a good night’s rest again.

#958 Having the house smell good again. Elaine’s Mom, as most Alzheimer’s patients didn’t like to bathe and it was a battle every time.

#959 No more chinese fire drill at mealtimes, let the reader understand how difficult mealtimes are with Alzheimer’s patients.

#960 Leaving without worrying what Joyce might do at the house to endanger herself.

#961 Being able to make a noise in the kitchen again without her coming out distressed, Alzheimer’s patients find sudden noise disturbing.

#962 Being able to leave mail out again in the open without it being opened or moved.

#963 Knowing she is safe and getting good food in her new place.

#964 That Elaine can work again without the stress of having another full-time job at home.

#965 Being able to go on a vacation or weekend away again, both of us at once.

I pause unbelievingly as I realize we are on the cusp of Lent once again. I head there bringing my tears and my heart on His altar, thankful He no longer requires a living animal, but also knowing that it’s even harder to place my whole heart there. And that’s saying a lot coming from someone who doesn’t even like stepping on ants.

I leave you with two truths today to ponder………

Sometimes a veil of tears allows us to see God clearer. He is near to the brokenhearted.

Sometimes God is the only one Big enough to hold us. He has promised never to leave or forsake us.

Somebody is waiting

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May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. Romans 15:13

Last night I wanted to go home, fast. It was a stressful day and I had things to do before I went to bed. I thought of checking on our resident Intel cat, Mrs. Howell, but my feet were going fast forward toward my car. The sunset was unfolding in a myriad of colors and along with the scattered clouds it was a stop and stare moment.

I threw my backpack and carry all bag in their prospective spots in the adjacent seat and sat down and drew a deep breath. I made it. Another day done. But then I thought of how the weather was changing, and how cold Mrs. Howell might get, and I couldn’t take not knowing if her food dish was empty or not.

I drove over to the neighboring building and went inside and then out again……out the doors that led to the back patio where she resides. She met me in her usual spot, unsure at first whether I was a friend or foe. When she figured out it was me, she ran to her dish and started eating…..she loves for us to watch her eat. Then she was meowing, and purring, and rubbing her head and drooling on my feet.

I was treated to a marvelous light show in the sky and I thought, I needed this, just this little space at the end of my tough day.

Sometimes it makes you feel better knowing you’re needed, even if only by a little critter.

I made sure her bowls were topped off and then I went to leave and she tried to trip me as she usually does by scissoring in and out of my feet. Then she meowed and grabbed my ankle……her little way of trying to get me to stay longer. She followed me all the way up to the door of the building which was very unusual. She is usually too timid to get that close.

I told her I would see her later. When I left she was sitting dejected by the door looking through. Not for the first time I thought, all over the world, people……animals……children……orphans…….are peering through the glass, through doors, through windows, through bars.

Waiting for someone to come.

Waiting for someone to be their Jesus.

It really will be okay

Further thoughts on "Radical"

“…All shall be well, and all shall be well, and all manner of thing shall be well”, Julian of Norwich

Prayer for today:

Today, I will choose not to be a bundle of stress and worry. I will not adopt and absorb the anxiety around me like a sponge, instead I will deflect it with the shield of peace by resting in the Lord, who is my quiet strength now and always.

I acknowledge my weakness and helplessness to change anyone’s heart; that work belongs to the Lord. Instead I will focus on my own heart and the things that God wants me to change in it.

Today, when I start to dwell on the future and what may or may not happen, I will remember that my ultimate future is where God is, preserved for me forever. I will also remember that with God time is not reduced to a fixed point, neither is it reduced  to some bright crystal shore somewhere after I die, but in the beauty of all the little moments of the here and now. Jesus said so……

“I’ll be explicit, then. I am the Gate for the sheep. All those others are up to no good—sheep stealers, every one of them. But the sheep didn’t listen to them. I am the Gate. Anyone who goes through me will be cared for—will freely go in and out, and find pasture. A thief is only there to steal and kill and destroy. I came so they can have real and eternal life, more and better life than they ever dreamed of. John 10:10

Whatever happens today Father, thank you for already supplying the strength I need for whatever task you give me,  it’s already been given and all I have to do is rest in it.

Thank you Lord for the years piled up behind me, for now, it’s easier for me to see all the examples of your grace, mercy and love, all the times where you broke through my impenetrable sadness with the brilliance of your joy. And for the hope in knowing that you will do so again and again.

As often as I need it.

Today, I know I can get through anything with enough strength for myself and someone else, with your help. And if I make a royal mess of things, thank you for the assurance that you will love me anyway, for I stand wrapped in your grace.

And tomorrow, should be blessed enough to see it, thank you for another chance to start over.

Always with You.

Filling in the blanks

There are scattered clouds over the Superstition mountains this morning,  a bit like my header picture, and the moon is still up shining through the window where I sit reminding me as it always does that God is near. I think He gave us the moon not so much for its light, but because it’s really hard to deny God when you stare at the moon.  And you can’t very well stare at the sun.

When  I see the moon, I see the light of His face shining back at me,  His tangible way of saying, “I am still here, and it’s gonna be okay.”

I needed that assurance today. This morning was one of those mornings when I didn’t have many words for God, I felt silence was best. Some prayer times are like that, and it’s okay.  I just held the names softly in my heart for Him to see.

This morning my mind got caught up in the game of what if. Every now and then I go down that old path, rethinking my steps away from my hometown, away from my family all those years ago. I wonder how things would have been different if we had opted to stay behind when the company moved.  That kind of thinking is never constructive, and I don’t believe it’s a path God wants any of us to go down unless it leads to some positive change for right now.

It also ignores every good step in between, and there have been a lot of those. Steps that were important. Steps that lead us to where we are right now. And where we are now is good.

Besides, that kind of regretful thinking is a little bit like putting myself on the throne instead of God.

Sometimes the mind insists going on rabbit trails that lead to dark empty holes.

I reel my mind back in as I turn my gaze back to the fading moon and know that long after it fades from my view, it is still there. Just like God.  Every day we have a choice………..we can either give Him His rightful place on the throne or replace Him with someone or something else. Today I will put Him back where He belongs. And I take comfort in the fact that He can restore lost years and change the hearts that need changing.

Right now, I will open the Psalms to the highlighted yellow, verses that never fail to bring God near and fill in all those empty places of uncertainty with His comfort. The Psalms are great for filling in the blanks on the page, and in the heart.

Selah…..(I don’t know what that means but it sounded good here)

Psalms 9:8-9 “The Lord also will be a refuge for the oppressed, A refuge in times of trouble. And those who know Your name will put their trust in You; for You, Lord, have not forsaken those who seek You.” Psalm 9:8,9

Psalms 37:23 “The steps of a good man (or woman) are ordered by The Lord, And He delights in his way. Though he fall, he shall not be utterly cast down; For The Lord upholds him with His hand. Psalms 37:23

A New Chapter

How Big is Your God?

It’s been a night and a day and another night. You tend to count those things when you are trying them on for size again after two years. We are both sucking in the oxygen of freedom like we can’t get enough. We have had two meals at the table without the stress of leaping up to do some kind of damage control. Of racing to the kitchen before she got out there first to try to clean up. Before perfectly good leftovers went down the garbage disposal. Or dirty dishes went back in the cupboard.

The carehome called yesterday and said her Mom tried to leave and was very restless. She insisted she wasn’t going to stay, but we knew that was coming. After church Elaine went and calmed her down. Her presence was reassuring. She told Elaine, “Well, I guess I will come back tomorrow and help them out because it’s obvious they need it.” I guess she thinks she is at work. Funny what the mind concocts when it has to.

We are enjoying putting the house to rights again. After an hour of intense scrubbing, Elaine has her bathroom back. She was cleaning it all along, otherwise the hard water stains would have done permanent damage. She says it feels like a luxury to have her own bathroom back. And yet the guilt still nips at her heart, even though she knows her Mom is in the best place she could possibly be now. And today, as she turned the corner to come home, she realized it was the first time she looked forward to coming home. And she feels guilt over that too.

I am waltzing around the house like Cinderella entertaining thoughts of the ball, classical music blaring from both radios. I will enjoy cleaning today. Soon, Elaine will be able to move out of the noise of the patio room and back into her room and enjoy a good night’s sleep again. Her first in two years.

And this morning, I am putting into practice what I have learned from my own dear Mom. A lesson she lives every day.

To count the joys and rest in God whether you are in the midst of trouble, or between troubles.

Because they will come, Jesus promised that. The world is full of them, but Jesus conquered that world of trouble when He rose from the grave and turned it right side up again. And while trouble follows me like cloud this morning, as it follows us all, I will be okay…….and so will you.

Because He says so, and we have a very big God.

 

We’re all Prodigals

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“But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him”………from the Prodigal story book of Luke.

I wasn’t going to blog this morning. It will be a tough day, full of challenges. Elaine’s Mom will be moving into her new home today. When everything is done, the tidal wave of emotion will come, but not yet. There is too much to do.

I was trying to think of a word for this year, and right away the word, faithfulness came. After that, it was restoration. Then it was committment. So maybe I don’t have a word yet for this year and that’s okay. I have always had a problem with too many choices. Maybe later today God will bring forth a winning word, but right now the thing that drove me to the keyboard was the idea that wouldn’t let itself rest:

We are all prodigals.

I thought how we all tend to distance ourselves from the story of the prodigal; as if we never came back to God ourselves. Yeah, right. Every single one of us belonged to God first. We were His children from the beginning. None of us is coming to Him for the first time, we are all making our way back to Him. I don’t know about you, but I had to wallow in a few pigsty’s before I came back.

So the question I pose today is, “What’s your pigsty?”

Before I came back, I worshipped many years at the temple of self-indulgence, rebellion, self-hate, anxiety, fear……you name it, I rolled in it.

I played the role of Superhero when I selfishly and recklessly withheld food from my own body, the healthy body He gave me. I proved myself a rotten steward. But He didn’t forget me. Through the prayers of my parents and others He brought me back. Then he and I had the long work of restoration together.

I spent time in the haze of alcohol dousing grief and guilt, and then after the grief disappeared the desire for alcohol didn’t. That was another pigsty I had to climb out of.

And the truth is, life is a continual process of coming home, coming back to Him. Jesus came to this earth to love those living in the pigsty, and until we get comfortable loving those who have been there, or are there still, we will never be of any use to the Kingdom.

He sees us as washed and cleansed and healed, how we could be, how we will be.

But until then, each one of us is that lost son or daughter, walking on our own dusty road home toward our Father’s kingdom.

And He waits for each one of us with open arms.

A New Chapter

Secret Places of the Heart

The moon was bright this morning and the desert air had a snap to it and my nose stung breathing it in, but it is marvelous. Forty degrees is a wonder when you think that four months from now it will be creeping into the hundreds already. My mind was already mentally ticking off tasks today as I settled down to pray, but I put all those thoughts to rest temporarily as I focused on what really matters.

Just being with God and resting in His presence before I start the day seems to make everything go smoother.

Today, I will make some edible Valentines to send off to my girls, and Wal-Mart is on the list. Later this morning Elaine and I will visit the carehome director to see just what kind of room her Mom will have, shared or single. We are praying for single. She doesn’t co-habitate well with strangers, but if a double is available we will have to make it work. She just may surprise us all.

Saturday is moving day for her Mom, and Elaine is having a hard time this week. Sending her away in the state she is now feels much like putting a special needs child on a bus to boarding school, and though her Mom is demanding and not nice, Elaine still wants her to have what she likes and what she needs. It’s not easy to cast aside what has enveloped and consumed your whole life for the past 5 years. She worries like the parent now. But it is time.

Yesterday her Mom got in the cabinet and took Elaine’s pills in addition to her own. That was a first.

And a few days ago she came in to find the glass carafe sitting on the stove, which was still warm. She also didn’t seem to know her own husband when she went to see him just the other day, that was another first. It has been a week of “first’s” I guess. But it is all working out, and I think at just the right time.

Freedom looms on the horizon and although she is too scared to believe it she made plane reservations for the first vacation she has had in a very long time. She told me she feels much like a prisoner walking out of prison, afraid the gate will be slammed in her face before she gets to the other side.

Just yesterday she said, “I won’t take a deep breath until we drive away from the carehome.”

I took Saturday off to help out, and a very nice co-worker of Elaine’s has offered a dresser and help with delivery. Day by day things are falling into place. We are shoring up for a battle.

She will not want to stay. She will want to come home. She will probably be very angry.

And prayers are always appreciated, of course.

Letting the rain speak

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I was presented with a gift this morning, it was the pitter patter of rain on my little tin roof. I thought I should give God the respect to stop and listen instead of opening my windbag of prayer requests right away, so I settled back and did just that. Thank you God, for letting me hear You in it this morning. Rain is somewhat of a miraculous thing in the desert. It makes the news. We go outside and gaze at the clouds to see what direction they’re moving to see if we will get more. And Arizona is the only place I have ever experienced the curious phenomena of rain in the front yard and blue skies in the back.

The thought of rain can incite different things when you are in a tent.  Fear and dread. Of course the sound of rain on canvas has its own kind of magic, but it’s never a good feeling when you realize you forgot the plastic tarp.

After I thanked God for the gift of the rain, I brought a few before the Throne. For me there is always a readjustment of sorts when I pray, a pulling back, thinking who do I think I am anyway, to enter into that Holy of Holies? Then I remember that when He looks at me He sees me just as I am, but He also sees His Son superimposed in my heart. He tells me that I should come boldly before the Throne, so I do.

Once again I run like a kid into my Daddy’s office where He’s working and though sometimes I think He has every right to shoo me away impatiently He never does. He grabs me……and hugs me, and in His eyes I see nothing but love.

Today in my Bible reading plan, one of the Chapters was Matthew 10. I wondered how it applied to me, here in my comfortable chair, here in my place of peace. I will probably never be flogged in any synagogue, or be brought before any governing authority and be questioned about my faith. I haven’t cured anyone of leprosy lately, or of anything else for that matter.

But this is what I love about Jesus. He spoke to me in those verses anyway. And just when I was feeling like I was less than anyone I read about in Scripture, He assured me that He loves me very much. And as He spoke to my heart, He told me the most important thing I could do here in my corner of the world is to be a conduit for His love, and to not let those things like anger, bitterness, impatience crop up so that the gifts of His Holy Spirit can’t come through.

And He also told me that this little blog can be a perfectly good testimony for Him because in it, I tell others what wonderful things He does in my life, every single day.

Thanks, God. You just have a way of reminding me everyday of just how wonderfully you love me.

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit. Ephesians 5:22-25