When it’s easier to bask in God’s love than love others

Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love. 1 John 4:8

I have that line in a song and sometimes when I am not loving the way I should, which is most of the time, it sounds like a taunt. Like there should be a sing-song, “neener, neener, neener” behind it. For those of you unfamiliar with the term “neener” here is the Wikipedia answer:

A childish taunt or jeer pronounced with a nasal sneer, for lack of a more intelligent retort to someone else’s jeer or taunt, usually from a peer. Sometimes sung to the tune of “Ring-Around-the-Rosey” for really driving the point home.

I have found that it is much easier to bask in the warmth of God’s love than actually go out there in the world and love His people. But that is what God says is the proof of our love for Him. How we love each other.

It’s much easier to sit on the sidelines and write about people than actually go out there and love them. It’s much for comfortable, especially for someone like me who is a bit on the reclusive side. However, it is not nearly as rewarding.

The truth is, sometimes I hide behind my writing, and if I had to be really honest? Far too often people irritate me.

Oh, I can do a pretty good job with the ones in my corner, the ones I choose to love. I lavish love and affection on those who love me, my friends……my family. But loving others just plain wears me out. I find loving on my animals is much easier. I give them a little food and affection and they are at the door to greet me when I come home.

I have heard it said, “The more I am around people, the better I like my (dog, cat….etc.) you get the point.

The more I am around people, the more I know I need work, and the more I am aware of how much grace God has extended to me.

If there is anything I want to be remembered for, it’s not now bright I was, or how rich, or how funny, or anything else, but for how I loved.

Sometimes I convince myself I am doing an okay job, but then I withhold my love in tame but mean little ways, by making assumptions about others, or putting them in a category by how they dress or what they drive.

And I wonder sometimes if how I am loving others is indicative of how I am loving myself.

Sometimes love means extending the same grace to others that we would want them to extend to us. I was reminded of this the other night on the way home. E and I were just about to turn onto the last stretch of road before home when a big red truck screamed by and pulled in front of us. Then he slowed down. Way down. When we tried to change lanes he changed too and blocked us in.

I said….”I can’t believe this. Here……now? Almost home after driving 5 hours?” We were just minding our own business driving down the road after all.

In a shiny new Black Camaro.

With grey racing stripes.

Of course, it was dark and the other driver couldn’t see us. I am sure they must have assumed that behind the wheel was a young guy looking for a race. Instead he got two fifty something women who only wanted to get home. I think that maybe he would have felt bad if he had seen us for who we were.

And he was wrong in his assumption that we wanted to race.

It made me wonder what would make someone do that. It also made me wonder about how many times I have misjudged people or situations.

As unbelievable as it is when you consider what evils people have done to each other all throughout history, the truth is this:

Every single person who has ever been born has the breath of the living God in their nostrils. That alone makes them worthy of love, impossible as it sometimes seems.

“People are often unreasonable and self-centered. Forgive them anyway. If you are kind, people may accuse you of ulterior motives. Be kind anyway. If you are honest, people may cheat you. Be honest anyway. If you find happiness, people may be jealous. Be happy anyway. The good you do today may be forgotten tomorrow. Do good anyway. Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough. Give your best anyway. For you see, in the end it is between you and God. It never was between you and them anyway.” Quote from Mother Theresa

She always humbles me. That is all I have for today.

Faith when things feel flat

When I crept out to my prayer room this morning, the world looked washed out. It was mirroring what I felt on the inside.

Even the sunrise, always my favorite time of day, seemed dull and unspectacular. There is a fine coat of dust everywhere from recent storms that makes everyone want to run for their blowers or hoses. I am burned out at work………I am in one of my ready to quit and move to the coast and open up a used bookstore moods.

If you have been a Christian longer than a year or so, there will be days like this. Days you don’t feel like praying. But you do it anyway. There will be days when you don’t see the burning bush behind every bloom, the resurrection in every sunrise. But that doesn’t mean it isn’t so. There will be times you get up and do it anyway because you know that even though you don’t feel it? It’s still there.

He’s still there.

That’s the point when you’re faith becomes something real. When faith comes before feeling.

Today is one of those days for me and it’s okay. I have lived long enough to see and feel many miracles, and I know they are unfolding right now even as I write this. I have learned to be grateful for these times because it lets me know that what I believe is not based on feeling but on fact.

And another thing I have learned is that gratitude is the quickest way I know to let the light flood back in. And not just hollow thanks, mind you……thankfulness born out of knowledge of what He’s already done, doing right now, and doing in the future.

But as it is written: “Eye hath not seen, nor ear heard, neither have entered into the heart of man the things which God hath prepared for them that love Him.” 1 Corinthians 2:9

That’s where I am today. A little bit in the clouds.

A little bit flat. And it’s okay, because I know my God and I know that when He says He’s preparing something? That doesn’t only mean the distant future.

It may mean in the next five minutes.

So I wait hopeful and sure.

Because I know my God and I know He always has another miracle in store. For you, for me.

He can’t help it, it’s just what He does.

Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen……..Hebrews 11:1

Letting Go

It’s been about 49 years and I can tell it is still one of his most cherished memories of our time together. It’s one of mine too.

As I called him last night, his Birthday night, he told me he loved the post I wrote and then he paused, thoughtful and said, “There is so much more…..” I said, “Yes, you could never fit all those memories into one post.”

And sounding younger even as he said it, “I still have that picture…..of you climbing Half Dome, and the other one, of me running behind you when I was teaching you how to ride a bike.”

And just like that……

All the years between now and then vanished and I was 6 again. I was hearing me say, “Dad……are you still holding on?” Gripping the bars, fighting my fear, afraid to fall, and doubting he had me.

And all these years later I heard “Yes, I am……I’ve got you Lori, you’re doing great!”

And this morning as I remembered, I fled to the bathroom squeezing my eyes shut, trying to staunch the tears that threatened to overflow. The whole memory has left me an emotional mess.

Because I know that even as he said he had me?

He had let go……even though he was afraid too.

The hardest thing about loving is letting go. And letting someone let go.

I think of the times my Father has told me the same thing……..”I’ve got you Lori, you’re doing great.” And the tears don’t seem to want to stop flowing here at my desk today.

His love is deep, His love is wide, and it covers us, His love is fierce, His love is strong, and it is furious………”Furious” lyrics by Jeremy Riddle

photo by carfreedays, flickr some rights reserved: carfreedays.com

Happy Birthday Dad!

I thank my God every time I remember you.In all my prayers for all of you, I always pray with joy because of your partnership in the gospel from the first day until now, being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus. Philippians 1:3-6

How blessed I am to have my earliest memories of you Dad, be only of love. I remember that whenever you would leave me in the car to run an errand, you would always bring me back a bag of M&M’s or Planter’s peanuts.

And we were movie buddies too. I saw every James Bond movie made with Sean Connery when I was around 5 or 6. I remember the darkened theater and getting a tube of Flicks, not much else. Most importantly we were together.

And you thought it was more important to learn about nature than go to Disneyland, so every summer we went to Yosemite, and I am grateful for that. It’s one of the most powerful bonds we have together.

You filled our home with music…….all different kinds, and art.

I remember paints and brushes and Mom saying you were almost never satisfied with any of them, but you were good. Really good.

You worked hard all your life, and still do. You worked construction and put up with a lot of crap from bad bosses and idiots who knocked down the stop sign you put up the day before.

You held onto your dignity by pouring knowledge into your mind and spirit by delving into books and learning. You stayed fit, you took night classes and joined team sports, and became a volunteer fireman.

I remember how you used to love it when the alarm rang out in the middle of the night.

You became a Master Sergeant in the Army National Guard and one of the highlights of that whole time was going to Alaska in February. You loved every minute of it.

You dove into life and yet we always remained your first priority. You always had time for us (still do) and even though for many years you suffered from depression, you never once refused us kids when we wanted to do something.

You met Jesus when you were older, and became smitten with our Savior.

Mom always had to separate us in church because we always got in trouble for laughing. That’s another bond we share. I remember shaking in the pew at something we would invariably always see or hear at the exact same time.

I know I have told you all this before Dad, but I wanted you to hear it again. Because we all need to be reminded.

I hope, at least just for today, you will know how much we love you.

And how much God loves you.

I know life has had you burdened lately, but I hope and pray

just for today at least, that you would pause and reflect

on everything you have done right.

And not what you’ve done wrong.

Know that in your Father’s eyes you are perfect.

In Jesus.

So today, pretend you are sitting on the edge of that sunny meadow in the place we all love.

Soaking it all in.

Feeling peace flood your soul.

It’s a day that God has prepared just for you.

So drink it in and give thanks.

For a happy and proud 85. Not many do that as successfully as you.

You’re still be a handsome dude, always on the trail ahead of us.

Love, Me

A Pinterest Lesson

I wasn’t calm last night on Pinterest. Not calm at all. And I usually am. It’s my new favorite thing, but last night it all went sour. Sitting at the computer in the dark, I was glad my Mom couldn’t see me, because it would have confirmed her belief that computers and all things that are spawned from computers are straight from the pit of hell.

I was obsessed, you see. With that little empty board on the left that is the first thing I see when I open my Pinterest page. It’s the one that says, “Create a board.” And I don’t want it there. I want the first thing I see to be all my beautiful boards, not that sad empty one. It mars the landscape. And last night, I sat there frazzled, already beyond tired.

I couldn’t even move it down to the bottom.

It……was…..something……I……couldn’t……control.

The worst thing was that on every single profile I looked at? They didn’t have it. Their pages were all nice and pretty. Only their wonderful pins were there. What did they know, that I didn’t know? That is what was mocking me.

And the truth was, that was the real problem. I felt like I was alone. Like I was the only one in the world of Pinterest that didn’t know.

I felt like I was back in first grade and I could see myself sitting at my desk, struggling with math, as usual. It seemed everyone got it but me. I can still remember it, that day a classmate sauntered by. I can still see her face as she shook her head at me as she went up to hand her finished paper in.

I can still remember the day I had to stay after, again with math problems. Again in first grade. A classmate’s sixth grade sister came by and she was mad that I was crying, mad at the teacher for making me stay after.

That’s how I felt last night at the computer. Alone. And the devil taunted me, everyone knows but you. Everyone has the answer but you. As I crept off to bed, unsuccessful in my endeavors, Elaine snickered at me. “I am the only one that has it….” my voice trailed away and she smiled and shook her head. She knows how weird I am.

This morning I woke up groggy, not a very happy camper. I felt kind like this guy:

I found him on Pinterest, of course.

Carrying my lifeblood cup of coffee back into my room, I opened my devotional for today and God brought me to tears through it. This is what it said:

July 18th, by Sarah Young”

I AM NEARER than you think, richly present in all your moments. you are connected to Me by Love-bonds that nothing can sever. however, you may sometimes feel alone, because your union with Me is invisible. Ask Me to open your eyes, so that you can find Me everywhere. The more aware you are of My Presence, the safer you feel. This is not some sort of escape from reality; it is tuning in to ultimate reality. I am far more real than the world you can see, hear, and touch. Faith is the confirmation of things we do not see and conviction of their reality, perceiving as real fact what is not revealed to the senses.”

And then? When I got to work I had a co-worker pull up her Pinterest profile and she had the empty pin too. And I didn’t feel so alone anymore.

You see, the problem, or what I perceived to be a problem was still there, it was just that now I had someone to share the burden. To make me feel less alone.

Even enjoyable things can be marred sometimes because all we see is the thing we don’t like. Not the hundred things of wonder all around us.

Pinterest learned me.

And even if the empty board taunts me until Kingdom come. I will be okay with it. I will.

I think.

The day I fell in love in church

Okay, so I didn’t really. But I did notice him because he was alone. And impossibly cute. And it’s not often you see young men in church sitting by themselves. I didn’t know if he was new or not and I wanted him to feel welcome if he was. And I wanted him to know how proud I was to see him in church. I can imagine that it’s very tough to be a young man in today’s culture, especially a man of faith. You have to really have some character to be the one that stands out from the crowd, who makes an effort to attend church instead of sleeping in or picking an alternative activity any number of which can be very attractive and a whole lot easier.

I noticed he had a tattoo. I bumped Elaine’s shoulder and whispered, “Ask him what his tattoo means.” She strained to look and asked where it was. I told her. I continued to give sidelong glances at all the funny parts of the sermon. He laughed at all the right places. And he has a sense of humor to boot! He could have been anywhere between 18 or 30 for all I knew. When you reach 50 everyone looks 20.

When the service was over I leaned over to him and said, “It’s good to see you here, I love to see young guys in church.” He smiled and said his name was Aaron, and I introduced myself and Elaine too. I asked him if he lived around Mesa. He pointed in the general direction of the doors and said, “I have a wife and kids at home, but they didn’t come today.” Sigh. I fell in love all over again, he is leading his family towards the Lord. How wonderful is that.

I am so glad I obeyed the Lord’s nudge to talk with him. I wanted him to know that people appreciate that he is there, that even strangers notice. I think it’s so important to do that. And maybe, just maybe he is struggling right now and needed some encouragement.

As we walked out, Elaine said, “You talked to him because he was cute.”

“I did not,” I said. “What do you think I am, some kind of cougar?” We laughed.

I added his name to my prayer list along with his wife. I know to be young, and a Christian is not always easy.

But I think this young man knows that it’s worth it.

Prayer for a missing child

AMBER Alert (missing child) for Arizona
Currently active
Posted 5 minutes ago
National Center for Missing & Exploited Children

Javidson Mosley (21 months-old)

Last seen Jul 11, 2013 in Tempe, AZ

Vehicle:
1994 Lexus, Maroon, 4 door
Arizona license plate #BCD4654

It came in last night just before we got off work and I was thinking of that again as I left the house this morning. I have said before, I can’t imagine anything worse than knowing your child was out there somewhere in danger. I don’t know how you would focus, act normal, go to work, do anything of any value while they were still out there.

And yet, people go through this reality everyday. They have to get up, go through the motions and in cases where they have more children, they have to look after them, do for them. All the while, thinking of that missing one.

As I left the house I patted Briggs who was sitting on his cat condo, very content after his morning meal. I am always careful about leaving in the dark. They never dart out, but just the same I like to know where they are before I go out that door. I think about the good feeling that gives me, that they are fed, safe, cared for.

Magnify that a gazillion times for kids. And yet, I see them every day in the store, Mom or Dad two aisles over maybe not even wondering where they are. I know, it happens. You get distracted by the others. But it only takes about 30 seconds and the wrong person at the right time.

I wish these parents knew the treasure they had. Little eternal souls they are responsible for. I see parents pick their kids up by jerking them up by the arm and it makes me crazy. Hold them.

Every kid deserves to have loving arms wrapped around them.

I feel for parents today. It’s not an easy world to raise kids in. The world has changed since I was growing up in the sixties. You can argue with me if you want, but I know. I was there. We rode our bikes and walked all over town. My brother and I rode our bikes to school or walked from the time we were in first grade. Other adults looked out for us when our parents weren’t there.

Teachers, principals, crossing guards, and bus drivers were allowed to give hugs. Not any more.

Rules layed down because of sick and twisted people. The new law of our land is fear, not freedom and it makes me sad.

But one thing I know to be true. God knows where that missing child is even if you don’t. Your prayers can reach them and I know another thing. God is always near to the broken-hearted. He will never turn away from a cry for help.

I know, bad things happen everyday. And everyday for the 10 happy endings, there are 20 unhappy ones.

And God is crying too. And there is no sorrow too big for Him to soothe. He lost a boy too once. He knows.

The Bible says that this world will get worse before it gets better. But don’t believe me, look around for yourself. But that doesn’t mean we have to be helpless. That doesn’t mean the fear has to win. Sometimes there comes a time we have to stand together to beat it back.

Darkness always shrinks back from the Light. That’s a law that God put in place and it rules the universe.

That is one thing that will never change.

Lord, I pray today for those whose children are missing. I pray for little Javidson Moseley and whomever is left behind, searching frantically. I pray for all the officers involved, and for a happy resolution. I pray for the grieving and paralyzed heart, the one who is feeling so much pain right now that it hurts to put one foot in front of the other. I pray for anger and thoughts of revenge to be held back and for clear thoughts. Hold them in Your hands today Lord, give them comfort today. Amen.

Photo credit: flickr.com some rights reserved

Walt Stoneburner

Carehomes: Not for wimps

Those who spend any time at all in Care homes come away with a new appreciation for the people who live there and the people who work there. Since Elaine’s Mom was moved into an assisted living facility I accompany her there quite often. I have said in the past that Care homes are the great equalizer. Assisted living care homes are kind of like a glammed up version of the other kind. The kind where people never leave their beds or their chairs.

I have come up with my own names for these places, and you might have come up with your own:

Roach Motel

Purgatory

Heaven’s Portal

Last stop before death

I don’t mean to make light of a situation that I know first hand is a very tough and in some cases very agonizing decision, but my humor gets me through a lot and I call on it often. Sometimes there is nothing else you can do.

The other day Elaine went to take her Mom’s laundry back. She went up to room 12 but her door was locked. She knocked…..no answer. She went to the neighboring facility but she wasn’t there either. With arms full of stuff, she went back and asked the staff. Then she got the key and unlocked the door. Her Mom had locked herself in. When Elaine asked her why she didn’t come to the door she shrugged. “Tired, I guess.” Was all she said.

Part of the reason may be a lady who tends to follow people around. Joyce always refers to her as a he. Her hair is very short. Martha tends to get in your face. She came up to where Elaine and her Mom were sitting in the common room and proceeded to poke Elaine in the chest where her glasses were hanging. She gets aggressive at times.

Referring to Martha, one of the aides remarked, “You know she’s gay, right?” Elaine remarked, “I don’t care what she is, I just don’t want my glasses broken.” Evidently, one day Martha cornered one of the aids in a room and asked for a kiss. The aide turned her cheek to her, but Martha grabbed her and turned her head and layed one on her full force. Even tried to give her some tongue. EEW! The aide said, “I couldn’t believe how strong she was!”

As they continued to visit, Martha kept coming back. Then she got real close to Joyce and was rubbing her shoulder. Elaine felt her Mom stiffen up. She knew what was coming.

Her Mom has always had a problem with touching of any kind. That’s a psychological study all on its own. She has always frowned on any public (or private for that matter) display of affection. “Why is he doing that?” She said to Elaine and then as she grabbed Martha’s hand in a vise grip, she said. “If you don’t stop, I will knock you across the room.”

The manager was sitting across the room and had to stifle her laughter behind the paperwork she was unsuccessfully trying to finish.

Then there is Jim. We met the first time when he backed us into his room after we remarked about his pictures. He blocked the doorway with his wheelchair and proceeded to tell us how he could still do all kinds of stuff. He proceeded to stand up as he said, “Even sex.” Needless to say, we backed out of the room as soon as we could. The staff said that Jim gets hostile as well. He also threatened the cook and called him, let’s just say the worst thing you could call a black person.

His son left him there and hasn’t been back since. From what I have seen, I have learned to withhold my judgement when I hear stories like that. There is grief and heartache all the way around a situation like that.

I heard one little old lady named Lucy say one day, “Jesus is not in here.” But I don’t totally agree with Lucy. There are saints there. People who do the jobs no one else wants to do, for very little money.

And we have met people there that we have fallen in love with. Despite where they are, they have brought the Light in with them. One of them is Ardis. Ardis used to work in theater and she has a big wave for us and a smile whenever we see her. She always looks sharp and her hair is always stylish. Ardis had a stroke and her words tumble out all scattered and out-of-order. But sometimes she says a perfect sentence, and then beams.

Sometimes you can get the gist of what she means, and sometimes it’s like playing charades. But she always laughs along with us. Lately she hasn’t felt well, and we are worried.

Then there is John. He is a sweet-heart. Both Ardis and John have family who come in all the time.

Whenever I go there, I am always a bit uneasy. I sense the Grim-Reaper in the halls. I sense the hopelessness that Satan brings wherever he goes, sometimes his foul breath curdles the air. Sometimes he needles me with fear.

He taunts me.

This is your future home……..Strangers to eat with, strangers to sit with………having to trust someone you don’t know…..this is your future.

But I know different. I remember the ones like Ardis, and Jim. How they carry their hope with them, and though their bodies are failing, their spirits are full of life, of love. They have made the decision to trust in something bigger than themselves.

When we visited Ardis, she said….”I…..ready……

And she looked toward Heaven.

She is. She knows who holds her future. And so do I.

For I know the plans I have for you,” says the LORD. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope. Jeremiah 29:11

In the Quiet

And I say, “Oh, that I had wings like a dove! I would fly away and be at rest; Psalm 55:6

This morning I didn’t even change, I went out to my prayer closet in my PJ’s in the half-light. It was hot, sticky, and the air smelled of dust. I couldn’t really smell it, since I have never had that sense. I share that genetic trait with my Grandpa on my Dad’s side. I went out, lit my candle and tried to remember the hymn that came to me at around 2AM this morning. I pulled it from the cobwebs of my mind after a few slugs of rich, deep coffee……..

Take my life and let it be consecrated, Lord, to Thee. Take my moments and my days, let them flow in endless praise, let them flow in endless praise. Take my hands and let them move, at the impulse of Thy love. Take my feet and let them be swift and beautiful for Thee, swift and beautiful for thee.

I never did enjoy singing it, because I felt the melody kind of dragged along, but the words, the words. I feel the power of those words and the rest of the hymns I learned so long ago now more than ever. Those melodies, those words are the backdrop of my life. They come back so often and never fail to comfort, to strengthen, to bring peace. Unless someone had taken me to church, (thanks Mom) I never would have heard them. I hope they never go away.

This morning, God beckoned me to a still forest, a place I’ve cleared in my heart. Desert beauty only goes so far, especially when the mercury soars 110 and above.

There I gathered all my happiest memories like a child gathers favorite toys. “Sit with me,” He seemed to say, and just enjoy my presence here in the quiet. So I did. And I imagined I could actually smell the pine. “It’s one thing I want to smell when I get to Heaven,” I told Him. That, and salty air and flowers. “Oh,” He said, “You will smell that and much more, for the air teems with life and only life, and death is not even a distant memory.”

If you are grieving someone today, please know that there will come a day when the joy of simple things will make you smile again. There will come a day, and it will surprise you, that you will laugh again. You will probably feel guilty about that too, but try not to. They wouldn’t want that. But sure as I know anything, I know this. Dawn will break in your heart, and you will know you will be okay. And the memories will no longer cut like a knife, they will be a source of comfort.

You may wonder why people don’t come by. It’s not because they don’t care, it’s because they may not know what to say. They may be fishing for answers themselves, and they feel useless if they can’t give them to you. Just the same, you are loved, you are thought of, you are not alone.

Take my voice, and let me sing
Always, only, for my King;
Take my lips, and let them be
Filled with messages from Thee.
Filled with messages from Thee.

Words: Frances R. Havergal 1874.

Lori's Prayer Closet

"And when you pray, go into your room, close the door and pray to your Father, who is unseen. Then your Father, who sees what is done is secret, will reward you……"Matthew 6:6