In many ways and for many people, 2009 was a tough year. I think everyone has been affected one way or another with the economy. Just yesterday for about the 3rd time I heard someone say, “Let’s hope that 2010 is a better year.” I dealt with many of the same issues that I dealt with in 2008, general worry about not living close to my aging parents, being conscious of time slipping by too fast. I battled depression off and on; sometimes felt as if it was surrounding me like a cloak. I continue to watch my best friend suffer through Alzheimer’s and senility with her Mom and Dad. But through all these things, I can honestly say that it was a good year, because it was a GOD year.

The one thing that I did differently in 2009 than 2008 was a regular prayer time and that one thing made ALL the difference. When I look back I can see that the dark moments are victoriously overshadowed by the Presence of God in the little moments when I least expected it. I can even say that I am thankful for the depression because when the sun did come out, it came out in a blaze of glory and with the absolute clarity and knowledge that it was God that did it. In that He is glorified.

So this year as last, I will continue to pray and experience the wonder of communion with a God who wants to know me even with all my failings. I will rise and start the day with my eyes fixed on Him and I will make hope a conscious decision each time I catch myself leaving Him out of it.

“But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body. For we who are alive are always being given over to death for Jesus’ sake, so that his life may be revealed in our mortal body. So then, death is at work in us, but life is at work in you.” 2 Corinthians 4:7-11

Do feel tired, world-weary, stressed, bogged down and over-loaded? Feel like you need a bailout? God has the answer……and His bailout plan is eternal, the best kind! That is the Good News of Christmas!

For while we were still helpless, at the right time Christ died for the ungodly. For one will hardly die for a righteous man; though perhaps for the good man someone would dare even to die. But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us. Romans 5:7,8

When we were powerless to save ourselves, He came down and did the impossible, awful, terrible, unthinkable thing. God Himself died for us so that we could be with Him forever. Not only that, this plan was in the works from the very beginning, before man took his first breath. He knew we would fail, He knew we would stray from Him, He knew this even as He breathed the breath of His own Spirit into our nostrils. Given the choice, each one of us eventually turn and go our own way, away the very One who loves us the most. It’s insane, it’s crazy, it’s radical!

It’s a God who loves us so much it hurts Him.

So not only do we not have to fear death, we don’t have to fear this life either! At any moment during the day we can stop, reflect, pull back from the stress of life and know that we can draw a ready supply of strength and help from our Comforter. Now that’s what I call a bail-out plan!

The Son of God became a man to enable men to become the sons of
God. – C.S. Lewis, Mere Christianity

This is the best movie I have seen all year, amazing, powerful, awe-inspiring. Order this now, you will be glad you did. Well researched and thoughfully done. Guaranteed to produce chills when the presentation unfolds and you see how the backdrop of Scripture leaps to life. I was filled with a renewed appreciation for how God has meticulously planned everything right from the beginning. Nothing is random here!

The image above is called “Sunlight on Snow,” with the footings of the Granville Street Bridge in the background by Mark Hamilton, journalism instructor at Kwantlen Polytechnic University.

I was originally looking for a peaceful snowy sunrise, but this fits even more with what I wanted to capture with my thoughts today. Thoughts of my trip back home. As the out of state family member, I feel sometimes like I need to be all things to everyone when I am there, and of course I can’t. I get irritated with situations and then frustrated with myself when I don’t react the way I think God would want me to. It is so easy to get wrapped up and bogged down with “earthly” situations and heartache down here and forget who is in control. Moments become lost forever. The Holy Spirit spoke to my heart and said, “I am still here.” I listened.

I stopped…..I prayed….I gave it back to God, and I felt my time redeemed. I had returned everything to it’s rightful owner, at least for a time. Why is it sometimes so easy to “lose our religion” so to speak? After I gave it back, I started loving again. It was a wonderful Thanksgiving day spent together, eating, praying, enjoying the blessing of each other. It is fleeting, it is precious.

And over all too soon.

In looking again at the photo I have to remind myself to see not the graffiti on the bridge, but the beauty of the sunlight on the snow, and know where it comes from.

Colossians 3: 1-5 (New American Standard)
“If then ye were raised together with Christ, seek the things that are above, where Christ is, seated on the right hand of God. Set your mind on the things that are above, not on the things that are upon the earth.For ye died, and your life is hid with Christ in God. When Christ, who is our life, shall be manifested, then shall ye also with him be manifested in glory. Put to death therefore your members which are upon the earth: fornication, uncleanness, passion, evil desire, and covetousness, which is idolatry.”

My story continues from yesterday’s post:
As the day approaching my transfer grew nearer, I was filled with trepidation. I went through the required equivalent of Intel “basic training” for two weeks. That I was already at Intel didn’t matter. We were retooling the factory to do an entirely different process; something never done before. New process, new training. Stakes were unbelievably high. Success was crucial. It was into this atmosphere that I was thrown….new area, new people, new process; clusters of engineers waiting for results in every aisle and the margin for error slim to none. It was a hostile environment and though my co-workers were very welcoming, they were under enormous pressure to make everything work. I learned to pray like never before. I did the best I could under the circumstances.

Around the same time, my Mom took a terrible fall and my brother’s wife told him she wanted a divorce. I couldn’t leave to help my Mom or brother and I was devastated. I cried at the drop of a hat. Pressure at work was tremendous and I got my first bad review ever at Intel. In my OM’s words: “I wasn’t working out.” He was right I wasn’t!

Around the same time, I started attending Saturday morning prayer with a man who led Bible study at Intel’s Bible based Christian group. He got a conference room and we layed our heart’s on God’s altar together. Another of God’s miracles. He brought us together at a special season in both of our lives. Right away we became unlikely friends. He black, me white. He a father of seven, me no kids at all, but it didn’t matter. Will’s passion and zeal for God was infectious, and his excitement about reading the Word re-ignited my desire to study and dig deeper. He encouraged me to “seek the kingdom first” and boy did I; at the end of my strength, I was powerless to change anything.

So my career was in the tanker and I was emotionally drained and very sad that I could not seem to help anyone I cared about. Even so I knew that somehow God would see me through the other side of the tunnel, though I had no idea how. In faith I continued to put one foot in front of the other. Around that time they were pioneering a place called the ROC (Remote Operation Center) outside the Fab. They were asking for volunteers for this new program so my OM graciously asked me if I would be willing to do it. As I felt my doubts rush in, I felt myself saying yes anyway. Really, what did I have to lose? I took a giant step of faith and jumped off the abyss. God caught me.

Nobody was more stunned than I when next review time I was presented with a promotion and a bigger raise than I have ever gotten before or since!
God took what looked extremely hopeless to me and brought me out the other side. Look at what Psalm 40:1,2 says:

1 I waited patiently for the LORD;
And He inclined to me,
And heard my cry.
2 He also brought me up out of a horrible pit,
Out of the miry clay,
And set my feet upon a rock,
And established my steps.

He literally picked me up and set me into a new place called the ROC, how cool is that? I have now been there for 5 years and it doesn’t seem possible. I think about all those years ago when I put in for that transfer never imagining what I would have to go through and never knowing what I would be rewarded with at the end. But God knew all along…….

This week I entered another dimension and went back into the “clean room” where I worked 5 years ago. Within about 10 minutes it all came back like I never left. To those in the Semi-conductor industry, wearing gortex suits, (we call them bunny suits) klevlar gloves, and a hood that completely covers the face, not to mention constant “white noise” are all considered normal. Up until 5 years ago it was part of my daily routine. I found myself there again this week while they made repairs to the air conditioning ducts in our office. This week I found that sometimes it is good to go back. It reminded me of all that God had brought me through, and it was humbling.

Part of this story is about how God took a small town girl without a college degree and supplied her with a wonderful job and career that has lasted almost 14 years now. It is my hope that others will be encouraged by my story, and assured that when all seems hopeless to us, God does His best work yet.

I had been working at Intel (computer chip producing giant) for about 9 years when this part of the story starts. I had recently been selected (to my dismay) to go work next door to one of the toughest areas, due to “business need.” I would be dealing with “defects” on computer chips all day long. I was petrified. But I had no choice. Desperate prayer became a part of every waking moment. One of the first people I see there is one of the kindest men I have ever met and he is also a Pastor. I said “thank you, God.” Small miracle number one. Each day before work, I prayed in the bathroom stall for courage to make it through; to learn all that I had to learn. God was faithful. He supplied me with good trainers, good people; I got reaccquainted with two Christian women and we went to lunch and prayed, and together helped each other out.

Then came a day I had an opportunity to go back next door where I started out. I was just beginning to feel comfortable where I was, but something urged me to fill out a REQ transfer. With my hands hovering at the keyboard seemingly with a mind of their own, I remember thinking that I could always change my mind and stay if they approved it. I hit “send” and my fate was sealed, though I didn’t know it at the time. A few weeks later, my Manager called me into a meeting and told me my transfer was complete. He then told me the area I would be going into and it had nothing to do with what I had selected on my transfer form. Once again due to “business need.” I informed him I had changed my mind. He said, “This is irreversible.” I said, “Can I contact the hiring manager and tell them myself?” He said, “It’s too late, I already sent the paperwork, it’s a done deal.” Steel bars clanged shut in my mind and from then on I felt the chill of fear and dread surrounding me. What had I just done? My release date was set and there was no going back……..Miracle story continues tomorrow…….. Continuing with gratitude toward my 1000 blessings, join with others at:

112) for His provision at every stage of my life 113) my 3 month premature birth and that my Mom happened to be close to Stanford Hospital. In 1959 it was a miracle that I survived. I am glad my Mom was visiting her sister that weekend. 114) for always providing me with His Hands and Feet in the shape of good people who have been there for me 115) experiences and challenges that have stretched my faith 116) God’s discipline to help me grow and keep me on the right path 117) people who lovingly bring my faults to my attention and keep me humble 118) people around me who really listen to what I have to say 119) laughter, always laughter! 120) answered prayer, always at the right time.

And he said, Go forth, and stand upon the mount before the LORD. And, behold, the LORD passed by, and a great and strong wind rent the mountains, and brake in pieces the rocks before the LORD; but the LORD was not in the wind: and after the wind an earthquake; but the LORD was not in the earthquake:

And after the earthquake a fire; but the LORD was not in the fire: and after the fire a still small voice. 1 Kings 19:11,12

Tomorrow, a personal story of God’s provision in my life……

I have been contemplating a life-changing move back to California, my home state. Countless hours have been spent in prayer about this for awhile now. I am missing my folks; time is more precious now that there is less of it. And there is a special little six year old girl who tugs at my heart. She has been a very late talker and every word she says is precious to hear. When kids with special needs reach milestones it seems to mean so much more. She and her Grandpa have a standing date for ice-cream most days after school.

I know she loves me; I know because her face lights up when she sees me, but she hasn’t hugged me yet, and that breaks my heart. She did cling to my legs once, so I think she knows that I am safe, and I belong to the clan. I know that if I were there more she would see me less as a visitor and more like family; always I carry around like a weight the moments that I am missing with her.

My good sense tells me it is craziness, lunacy. Leaving a good job with benefits is not something you do lightly in these times…..My home state is bankrupt, among other things. Also, as the media keeps telling me THERE ARE NO JOBS. But it is home to me just the same; just as Arizona has become to me now.

But God is not bankrupt, He owns the cattle on a thousand hills. Is there anything too difficult for Him? God loves impossible situations. By what I read in the Bible, He seems to revel in them. So the question is, “How BIG is my God?” If He wants me there He will work it out. End of story.

As I was driving to work thinking about all these things and feeling sad that I wouldn’t see Lauryn in her costume again this year, this verse came up on the CD player. Once again I was blind-sided by just the right scripture at just the right time. It reached my ears and then my eyes with tears as I pictured Paul writing this from his prison cell.

I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God. Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen. Ephesians 3:16-21

Lately I find I am alternating between two states of being. Like the Israelites after passover, I am ready to bolt, bags packed, walking stick by the door. Watching for the shadow at the door. Other times I am content to burrow in like a sand crab. Life like that sometimes and it’s okay.

Jewish believers all over the world are celebrating Rosh Hashanah today….as defined by the torah.org website:
Rosh Hashanah is the first and second days of the first Jewish month of Tishrei. It marks the beginning of the Jewish new year. The celebration of this holiday is marked with solemnity, as it is the day on which the whole world is judged for the coming year. Rosh Hashanah is the birthday of the world, as it was on this day that G-d created Man on the 6th day of creation. Every year, on this day, we proclaim G-d as our one and true King.

It is good and right to reflect on these things today and everyday. I needed reflection this morning because ever since I got up I have been battling a bit of anger. It rose up like a flare when I wasn’t expecting it, and it was unwelcome. Upon further introspection I realized that it was directed at God. Maybe anger is not the right word. It’s not a shaking fist at God kind of anger; more like a “what are you thinking/what’s your plan here” kind of anger. Frustration really.

Someone I care about very much is not being taken care of the way I think they should. I guess that’s what it comes down to. “Like, hey God, this is someone that is Your kid!” None of these feelings take God by surprise. He welcomes dialogue, and questions, even challenges. Sometimes an answer comes thundering back, like when He answered Job out of the whirlwind:

Then the LORD answered Job out of the storm. He said: “Who is this that darkens my counsel with words without knowledge? Brace yourself like a man; I will question you, and you shall answer me. “Where were you when I laid the earth’s foundation? Tell me, if you understand. Who marked off its dimensions? Surely you know! Who stretched a measuring line across it? On what were its footings set, or who laid its cornerstone- while the morning stars sang together and all the angels shouted for joy? “Who shut up the sea behind doors when it burst forth from the womb, when I made the clouds its garment and wrapped it in thick darkness, 10 when I fixed limits for it and set its doors and bars in place, 11 when I said, ‘This far you may come and no farther; here is where your proud waves halt’? “Have you ever given orders to the morning, or shown the dawn its place, that it might take the earth by the edges and shake the wicked out of it?

I love the little barb He throws at Job in verse 21: “Surely you know, for you were already born! You have lived so many years!” Did God’s love for Job diminish because he questioned God? Absolutely not. God wasn’t surprised by Job’s feelings, questions or thoughts any more than He is by mine.

Sometimes He seems to put examples right in our path that validate even further everything we are feeling! “This is a test, this is only a test.”

Even as I voice my prayers through tears, puzzlement, and frustration, a miracle occurs; thoughts start to form. Grace infused thoughts…..I remember all those times He has kept me, kept my friend, sustained me, strengthened me, provided for me, raining down His great mercy, love, forgiveness year in, year out. Always in His perfect timing. Grace comes full circle. I still have questions, but I know the One who knows the answers, and that makes all the difference.

Sometimes we need “trust” lessons. Sometimes we need to know He is right there ready to grab the bicycle seat lest we wobble and fall.

Psalm 86:15
But you, O Lord, are a compassionate and gracious God, slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness.