My story continues from yesterday’s post:
As the day approaching my transfer grew nearer, I was filled with trepidation. I went through the required equivalent of Intel “basic training” for two weeks. That I was already at Intel didn’t matter. We were retooling the factory to do an entirely different process; something never done before. New process, new training. Stakes were unbelievably high. Success was crucial. It was into this atmosphere that I was thrown….new area, new people, new process; clusters of engineers waiting for results in every aisle and the margin for error slim to none. It was a hostile environment and though my co-workers were very welcoming, they were under enormous pressure to make everything work. I learned to pray like never before. I did the best I could under the circumstances.

Around the same time, my Mom took a terrible fall and my brother’s wife told him she wanted a divorce. I couldn’t leave to help my Mom or brother and I was devastated. I cried at the drop of a hat. Pressure at work was tremendous and I got my first bad review ever at Intel. In my OM’s words: “I wasn’t working out.” He was right I wasn’t!

Around the same time, I started attending Saturday morning prayer with a man who led Bible study at Intel’s Bible based Christian group. He got a conference room and we layed our heart’s on God’s altar together. Another of God’s miracles. He brought us together at a special season in both of our lives. Right away we became unlikely friends. He black, me white. He a father of seven, me no kids at all, but it didn’t matter. Will’s passion and zeal for God was infectious, and his excitement about reading the Word re-ignited my desire to study and dig deeper. He encouraged me to “seek the kingdom first” and boy did I; at the end of my strength, I was powerless to change anything.

So my career was in the tanker and I was emotionally drained and very sad that I could not seem to help anyone I cared about. Even so I knew that somehow God would see me through the other side of the tunnel, though I had no idea how. In faith I continued to put one foot in front of the other. Around that time they were pioneering a place called the ROC (Remote Operation Center) outside the Fab. They were asking for volunteers for this new program so my OM graciously asked me if I would be willing to do it. As I felt my doubts rush in, I felt myself saying yes anyway. Really, what did I have to lose? I took a giant step of faith and jumped off the abyss. God caught me.

Nobody was more stunned than I when next review time I was presented with a promotion and a bigger raise than I have ever gotten before or since!
God took what looked extremely hopeless to me and brought me out the other side. Look at what Psalm 40:1,2 says:

1 I waited patiently for the LORD;
And He inclined to me,
And heard my cry.
2 He also brought me up out of a horrible pit,
Out of the miry clay,
And set my feet upon a rock,
And established my steps.

He literally picked me up and set me into a new place called the ROC, how cool is that? I have now been there for 5 years and it doesn’t seem possible. I think about all those years ago when I put in for that transfer never imagining what I would have to go through and never knowing what I would be rewarded with at the end. But God knew all along…….

This week I entered another dimension and went back into the “clean room” where I worked 5 years ago. Within about 10 minutes it all came back like I never left. To those in the Semi-conductor industry, wearing gortex suits, (we call them bunny suits) klevlar gloves, and a hood that completely covers the face, not to mention constant “white noise” are all considered normal. Up until 5 years ago it was part of my daily routine. I found myself there again this week while they made repairs to the air conditioning ducts in our office. This week I found that sometimes it is good to go back. It reminded me of all that God had brought me through, and it was humbling.

Part of this story is about how God took a small town girl without a college degree and supplied her with a wonderful job and career that has lasted almost 14 years now. It is my hope that others will be encouraged by my story, and assured that when all seems hopeless to us, God does His best work yet.

I had been working at Intel (computer chip producing giant) for about 9 years when this part of the story starts. I had recently been selected (to my dismay) to go work next door to one of the toughest areas, due to “business need.” I would be dealing with “defects” on computer chips all day long. I was petrified. But I had no choice. Desperate prayer became a part of every waking moment. One of the first people I see there is one of the kindest men I have ever met and he is also a Pastor. I said “thank you, God.” Small miracle number one. Each day before work, I prayed in the bathroom stall for courage to make it through; to learn all that I had to learn. God was faithful. He supplied me with good trainers, good people; I got reaccquainted with two Christian women and we went to lunch and prayed, and together helped each other out.

Then came a day I had an opportunity to go back next door where I started out. I was just beginning to feel comfortable where I was, but something urged me to fill out a REQ transfer. With my hands hovering at the keyboard seemingly with a mind of their own, I remember thinking that I could always change my mind and stay if they approved it. I hit “send” and my fate was sealed, though I didn’t know it at the time. A few weeks later, my Manager called me into a meeting and told me my transfer was complete. He then told me the area I would be going into and it had nothing to do with what I had selected on my transfer form. Once again due to “business need.” I informed him I had changed my mind. He said, “This is irreversible.” I said, “Can I contact the hiring manager and tell them myself?” He said, “It’s too late, I already sent the paperwork, it’s a done deal.” Steel bars clanged shut in my mind and from then on I felt the chill of fear and dread surrounding me. What had I just done? My release date was set and there was no going back……..Miracle story continues tomorrow…….. Continuing with gratitude toward my 1000 blessings, join with others at:

112) for His provision at every stage of my life 113) my 3 month premature birth and that my Mom happened to be close to Stanford Hospital. In 1959 it was a miracle that I survived. I am glad my Mom was visiting her sister that weekend. 114) for always providing me with His Hands and Feet in the shape of good people who have been there for me 115) experiences and challenges that have stretched my faith 116) God’s discipline to help me grow and keep me on the right path 117) people who lovingly bring my faults to my attention and keep me humble 118) people around me who really listen to what I have to say 119) laughter, always laughter! 120) answered prayer, always at the right time.

And he said, Go forth, and stand upon the mount before the LORD. And, behold, the LORD passed by, and a great and strong wind rent the mountains, and brake in pieces the rocks before the LORD; but the LORD was not in the wind: and after the wind an earthquake; but the LORD was not in the earthquake:

And after the earthquake a fire; but the LORD was not in the fire: and after the fire a still small voice. 1 Kings 19:11,12

Tomorrow, a personal story of God’s provision in my life……

I have been contemplating a life-changing move back to California, my home state. Countless hours have been spent in prayer about this for awhile now. I am missing my folks; time is more precious now that there is less of it. And there is a special little six year old girl who tugs at my heart. She has been a very late talker and every word she says is precious to hear. When kids with special needs reach milestones it seems to mean so much more. She and her Grandpa have a standing date for ice-cream most days after school.

I know she loves me; I know because her face lights up when she sees me, but she hasn’t hugged me yet, and that breaks my heart. She did cling to my legs once, so I think she knows that I am safe, and I belong to the clan. I know that if I were there more she would see me less as a visitor and more like family; always I carry around like a weight the moments that I am missing with her.

My good sense tells me it is craziness, lunacy. Leaving a good job with benefits is not something you do lightly in these times…..My home state is bankrupt, among other things. Also, as the media keeps telling me THERE ARE NO JOBS. But it is home to me just the same; just as Arizona has become to me now.

But God is not bankrupt, He owns the cattle on a thousand hills. Is there anything too difficult for Him? God loves impossible situations. By what I read in the Bible, He seems to revel in them. So the question is, “How BIG is my God?” If He wants me there He will work it out. End of story.

As I was driving to work thinking about all these things and feeling sad that I wouldn’t see Lauryn in her costume again this year, this verse came up on the CD player. Once again I was blind-sided by just the right scripture at just the right time. It reached my ears and then my eyes with tears as I pictured Paul writing this from his prison cell.

I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God. Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen. Ephesians 3:16-21

Lately I find I am alternating between two states of being. Like the Israelites after passover, I am ready to bolt, bags packed, walking stick by the door. Watching for the shadow at the door. Other times I am content to burrow in like a sand crab. Life like that sometimes and it’s okay.

Jewish believers all over the world are celebrating Rosh Hashanah today….as defined by the torah.org website:
Rosh Hashanah is the first and second days of the first Jewish month of Tishrei. It marks the beginning of the Jewish new year. The celebration of this holiday is marked with solemnity, as it is the day on which the whole world is judged for the coming year. Rosh Hashanah is the birthday of the world, as it was on this day that G-d created Man on the 6th day of creation. Every year, on this day, we proclaim G-d as our one and true King.

It is good and right to reflect on these things today and everyday. I needed reflection this morning because ever since I got up I have been battling a bit of anger. It rose up like a flare when I wasn’t expecting it, and it was unwelcome. Upon further introspection I realized that it was directed at God. Maybe anger is not the right word. It’s not a shaking fist at God kind of anger; more like a “what are you thinking/what’s your plan here” kind of anger. Frustration really.

Someone I care about very much is not being taken care of the way I think they should. I guess that’s what it comes down to. “Like, hey God, this is someone that is Your kid!” None of these feelings take God by surprise. He welcomes dialogue, and questions, even challenges. Sometimes an answer comes thundering back, like when He answered Job out of the whirlwind:

Then the LORD answered Job out of the storm. He said: “Who is this that darkens my counsel with words without knowledge? Brace yourself like a man; I will question you, and you shall answer me. “Where were you when I laid the earth’s foundation? Tell me, if you understand. Who marked off its dimensions? Surely you know! Who stretched a measuring line across it? On what were its footings set, or who laid its cornerstone- while the morning stars sang together and all the angels shouted for joy? “Who shut up the sea behind doors when it burst forth from the womb, when I made the clouds its garment and wrapped it in thick darkness, 10 when I fixed limits for it and set its doors and bars in place, 11 when I said, ‘This far you may come and no farther; here is where your proud waves halt’? “Have you ever given orders to the morning, or shown the dawn its place, that it might take the earth by the edges and shake the wicked out of it?

I love the little barb He throws at Job in verse 21: “Surely you know, for you were already born! You have lived so many years!” Did God’s love for Job diminish because he questioned God? Absolutely not. God wasn’t surprised by Job’s feelings, questions or thoughts any more than He is by mine.

Sometimes He seems to put examples right in our path that validate even further everything we are feeling! “This is a test, this is only a test.”

Even as I voice my prayers through tears, puzzlement, and frustration, a miracle occurs; thoughts start to form. Grace infused thoughts…..I remember all those times He has kept me, kept my friend, sustained me, strengthened me, provided for me, raining down His great mercy, love, forgiveness year in, year out. Always in His perfect timing. Grace comes full circle. I still have questions, but I know the One who knows the answers, and that makes all the difference.

Sometimes we need “trust” lessons. Sometimes we need to know He is right there ready to grab the bicycle seat lest we wobble and fall.

Psalm 86:15
But you, O Lord, are a compassionate and gracious God, slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness.

Jeremiah 33:3
Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know.

There is something so very intimate about someone whispering in your ear….it is much different than just saying it right out loud. It means, this is for you only. I want you to know that I have your full attention, and that you really hear what I am saying…I had a very dear cousin do this one time in a crowd and I never forgot it. It meant so much to me that he would take the trouble. It meant he cared.

God does too, He wants to whisper in your ear today.

He cares…..For your ears only.

“Finally, I suspect that it is by entering that deep place inside us where our secrets are kept that we come perhaps closer than we do anywhere else to the One who, whether we realize it or not, is of all our secrets the most telling and the most precious we have to tell.” Frederick Buechner

You know those times when you are just going about your day and you feel an inexplicible feeling of joy? It’s as if for one solitary minute everything is perfectly peaceful…..you pause, and thank God knowing that you must embrace it, and you look up, knowing exactly where it is coming from. I’m talking about the kind of feeling that is not the result really of anything happening, it’s just mysteriously washes over you. A God moment. You realize where it comes from, this small miracle in your day.

James 1:17
17 Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows.

But does God care about the little things that nag at us, those things we wrestle with? Those habits we can’t seem to shake off? Those little circumstances in life that are petty and irritating, but annoy us nonetheless? See, sometimes we feel as if we don’t want to bother God with our little stuff. We feel like He has His eyes focused on those caring for dying AIDs patients in Africa, or the persecued church in China, so He surely wouldn’t bother with what we would think are “small” problems. Oh but He would….If it is a concern to us, His children, then it is a concern to Him as well.

In the parables, Jesus demonstrates that God cares about things like lost coins, lost sheep, a lost son…….And yesterday He cared about my lost earring. You see, I got some very precious earrings for my Birthday and I was on my way to get my hair done. I put the earrings on and went to the bank. When I went to get out of the car, I noticed I was missing one earring. I didn’t have time to go back to the bank, so for 2 hours I fretted about it. (I confess, I prayed about it too)

After the appointment, I went back to the deserted bank and parked where I had parked before, not really expecting to find it. I retraced my steps all across the parking lot and almost turned back at the door, when I saw a little glimmer of gold right at the bottom of the entrance door, stuck in the crack! There it was!

I joyfully cupped in my hands as I danced back to the car. I know that God kept it safe for me, I know God was smiling, I know God cares about lost earrings, because He cares about me!

The other night I dreamed I was driving a fire-truck like the one above. Everyone who knows me knows I have strange dreams about driving. Sometimes I am driving on the freeway and I can barely see, like in twilight without my glasses. Sometimes I am driving very tiny little cars with no bottoms, like a pedal car, but on the freeway! Those are pretty neat, I can pick them up and turn them around just like a kiddie car. And then there are the times I am riding in the backseat when I realize I should be driving, and no one is driving or steering the car! I am afraid to look all this up, Freud would have a field day I am sure.

The other night it was a firetruck. I was heading into a town from a lonely country road. I stopped and got out. Everywhere I looked it seemed there was some bedraggled soul that needed some kind of help. Homeless, wandering street people. I saw a church and headed in that direction, feeling like I was guided there. I saw a minister praying for people behind the church. I wandered into the dark, dimly lit building where a service was going on….a little blonde girl who looked about 3 or 4clutched my hand as I walked by. Her hand was gripping mine, and she wasn’t letting go. When I looked closer I saw that she had some kind of deformity in the face, like a cleft palate.

I just wanted to get out of there. I woke up….It seemed that the Holy Spirit was whispering in that quiet way He has, “You were supposed to rescue them.” But I just wanted to leave….it still troubles me 3 days later.

When was the last time I went to a prison to visit someone?

When was the last time I went to visit the sick (someone I didn’t know)?

Matthew 25:34-40

34″Then the King will say to those on his right, ‘Come, you who are blessed by my Father; take your inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world. 35 For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, 36 I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.’

37″Then the righteous will answer him, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? 38 When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? 39 When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?’

40″The King will reply, ‘I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.’

Image by Todd Haven

Psalm 8:3-9
When I consider Your heavens, the work of Your fingers,
The moon and the stars, which You have ordained,
What is man that You are mindful of him,
And the son of man that You visit him?
For You have made him a little lower than the angels,
And You have crowned him with glory and honor.

You have made him to have dominion over the works of Your hands;
You have put all things under his feet,
All sheep and oxen—
Even the beasts of the field,
The birds of the air,
And the fish of the sea
That pass through the paths of the seas.

O LORD, our Lord,
How excellent is Your name in all the earth!

Ever have one of those nights? You know the kind, tossing and turning, riddled with worry. All your problems seem magnified and beyond solving, it seems hope is snatched away with the light of day. You feel almost like you are going insane. I have them every now and then…..my Dad had one the other night. He told my Mom he almost woke her up to sit with him awhile. He started praying and meditating and God gave him a picture in his mind of the earth and how it looks from space. Part of us seeming to go about our business on the top of the ball, some on the bottom, yet we are all walking around on flat ground. He thought of this strange dance of the planets, and how if the sun was a fraction closer to earth we would be vaporized in flame, or too far and we would be frozen faster than we could blink.

But it all keeps going; perfectly set in motion by God. Soon he found himself enveloped in a peaceful sleep, sleep that had so eluded him before.

Contrary to popular thought, we will not destroy the planet. God will not let us. He put everything in motion and He will be the one who decides when to stop it.

So next time you are having one of those nights, go outside. Gaze up at the moon, focus on the depth of space, the infinity of the stars, the deep silence that speaks of God. He is there, He is in control, and He is actively seeking you.