When resentments cloud our prayers

“An eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth cannot sustain itself forever, ultimately both parties end up blind and toothless.” Gandhi

Yesterday morning prayer time was wonderful……I went outside and instead of being greeted with stifling heat I was met with a blessedly cool 75 degrees, something that is a distant memory between the months of May through early September here. And something else I have longed for, prayers accompanied by a little sprinkling of raindrops on the roof.

Afterwards, I went to look for my patriotic flag to hang for September 11 and remembered that it was a bit weather worn and I had thrown it out. I decided I needed to fly a real flag, so off I went to Walmart at 6:30 in the morning. Not many people there then. I drove home with my precious commodity and proudly hung it out…..red white and blue……glory against the backdrop of Arizona sky.

Today’s prayer didn’t go quite so well. It was clouded by a resentful thought that I could not dislodge. It came about halfway through prayer and stuck there…..

Instead of praying about it, as I should have done, I decided to keep it for awhile…..mull it over. It started me asking questions. Those irritating whys…..Forgiveness is good and right and Godly……..yet so difficult when you have to live it out day in and day out.

How do you forgive someone when they have hurt someone you love?

When you are the caretaker for someone who has never cared for you, never treated you well, wounded you emotionally?

When you don’t have to live with them it’s easy. Out of sight, out of mind. But what if they are never out of sight? What then? It’s like reopening old wounds every day.

Living out the Christian faith is easy when it’s never tested. Our faith doesn’t grow if it’s not challenged. That’s when we grow closer to Him. When we’re tested. The challenge is proof that He loves us.

It’s our love for God that motivates us to leave behind those things in us that are not Godly. Those things in me He wants me to change. The Holy Spirit does not deserve to live in a body and mind steeped in resentment….fear….anger. It helps to remember the sacrifice.

The terrible price that was paid for us. The ultimate price.  “Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies.” 1 Corinthians 6: 19, 20

As I sat in a beautiful church service yesterday, remembering the sacrifice of all those people running into those burning buildings, and saw all the names of those who died streaming down the wall…….my eyes streamed too. Four candles lit, one for each plane down.

They paid with their lives for the evil someone else did. He paid with His life, for what He didn’t do.

“For I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.”

Could it be that sometimes God’s blessing comes from those who have been our biggest challenge in life? Could it be that He is heaping treasure in Heaven for us through this very person, these very circumstances that are the source of so much pain?

Is the very act of forgiveness the thing that will bring about the salvation for us all?

This one thing I know to be true…….God is building something eternal in us right here and now. It is something so big and so great we can scarcely imagine it. Everything we do with His help and by His power changes us forever.

Thankfulness wells up again, and again as I remember this…….

Remembering

September 11, 2001 was my first what I call, “Where were you moment” I thought it fitting to quote from a piece of Gordon MacDonald’s journal. He was a Pastor who volunteered as a chaplain for the Salvation Army as soon as the events unfolded that day. Here is what he wrote…..
“And more than once I asked myself–as everyone asks–is God here? And I decided that He is closer to this place than any other place I’ve ever visited. The strange irony is that, amidst this absolute catastrophe of unspeakable proportions, there is a beauty in the way human beings are acting that defies the imagination. Everyone–underscore, everyone–is every else’s brother or sister. There are no strangers among the thousands at the work site. Everyone talks; everyone cooperates; everyone does the next thing that has to be done. No job is too small, too humble, or, on the other hands, too large. Tears ran freely, affection was exchanged openly, exhaustion was defied. We all stopped caring about ourselves. The words “it’s not about me” were never more true.”
No church service, no sanctuary, no religiously inspiring service has spoken so deeply into my soul and witnessed to the presence of God as those hours last night at the crash site.
In all my years of Christian ministry, I never felt more alive that I felt last night. The only other time I can remember a similar feeling was the week that Gail and I (his wife) worked on a Habitat for Humanity project in Hungary. As much as I love preaching the Bible and all the other things that I have been privileged to do over the years, being on that street, giving cold water to workmen, praying and weeping with them, listening to their stories was the closest I have ever felt to God. Even though it sounds melodramatic; I kept finding myself saying, “This is the place where Jesus most wants to be.”
George MacDonald, volunteer Chaplain for the Salvation Army on 9/11/2001

A morning for tea……

You can’t get a cup of tea big enough or a book long enough to suit me. C.S. Lewis
I knew that if I “google searched” C.S. Lewis quotes that something having to do with tea would pop up…..lo and behold it did! This photo was taken by Elaine when she surprised me the other day by taking me to Ms. Thomas Tea House. It’s me doing my best to be ladylike without spilling tea all over. I only spilled a little.
It really was a sweet thing for her to do. She knows I like to get in touch with my English heritage once in a while….. My Dad’s side hails from Lincolnshire, near the Sherwood Forest in Nottingham. I love the little tea cups, the lace on the table, the little fancy sandwiches. However, I can be dignified and “pinkies up” only so long. I have a track record for dropping things and clanging the lid too loud, and laughing when I am not supposed to.
I have a feeling if I ever met the Royal Highness herself, something would set me off……it would probably be me tripping over the red carpet. I can see it now, me coming down with a hopeless case of the giggles in the assembly line, right before I was supposed to curtsy and shake her white gloved hand.
If you make the photo bigger you will notice that though my pinkie is up, it is a bit bent……that just about sums it up for me. A bit of serious and a bit of silly…..well, maybe a lot silly.
I have vague memories of singing a solo in first or second grade with Carlyn Willie. Now, she was a lot serious and never silly. I got a terrible case of the giggles. I think she thought she was trying out for the opera. It was bad, and to top it off, we were singing Silent Night. My Mom was there, and she wasn’t too happy.
Just goes to show, you shouldn’t ask a kid to do such solemn things.
If sidelong looks and elbow jabs could have killed, I never would have made it out alive that day…..
To celebrate……We had a bit of rain in the desert last night and when I walked out to get in the car it was a glorious 75 degrees! That was enough to put me in a good mood for the rest of the day….
God is good, cooler temperatures are coming….I have faith!

Book of Kindness

It’s time for counting kindness……

An interesting thing happened when I started to count the gifts of gratitude one by one……that counting the good things became even more a part of who I am.
They slipped in quietly, but they surprised me by their insistence, even when I was worried, or stressed, or angry, or scared…..they came alongside and made their presence known, and didn’t back down.
And now I find myself wanting to count other things. That is what started my book of kindnesses…..
It is for keeping track of the things my friends and family have done for me or others……all those little things it’s so easy to lose track of. It’s so important to know that there is still much kindness left in the world.
My Mom in her childhood watches…..I think she likes the idea

And hopefully, this counting will inspire me to practice kindness on myself and others, because I know there is much room for me to grow. These I don’t count, for God Himself keeps track of each one done

In Jesus name…….“And (A)whoever in the name of a disciple gives to one of these [a]little ones even a cup of cold water to drink, truly I say to you, he shall not lose his reward.” Matthew 10:42
First entry: Diane (who bought me this little book) goes with my Mom to the Doctor during a scary checkup
Second entry: Just about every time Elaine makes an ice-cream cone for our household, she makes three extra and takes them next door to Bob, Eileen and Estelle
Third entry: Bob and Eileen take Elaine to get her car from the shop
I often like to imagine all the many things that Jesus must have done that we have never heard about…..
“And there are also many other things that Jesus did, which if they were written one by one, I suppose that even the world itself could not contain the books that would be written. Amen.” John 21:25
I have a feeling they ended up in the Father’s own book of kindness

When God Speaks

I was going to write about something entirely different today, but then I read Duane Scott’s post over at Michelle’s place. I remembered something my Dad told me when I was back home this last time……As I read about what Duane so rightly calls, the hard hallelujah, 24 years fell away and I thought about my own period of deep grief and all the events that threatened to swallow my family whole.
Dad told me about the night that God spoke…….It was a Tuesday evening and he was getting ready for a prayer meeting he usually attended. Something kept holding him back. He chalked it up as laziness and continued getting ready. But there was a weight, a heaviness that seemed to be holding him back.
He went but didn’t participate in the prayer……He sat quietly in the back, trying to pray, but feeling like he wasn’t supposed to be there.
Oppressed by a darkness he couldn’t explain.
He says it was as if a strong undertow was pulling him back home. The voice, the Holy Spirit within him was growing louder and more insistent as the night wore on. “Go home and go quickly.”
It wasn’t audible, it didn’t have to be.
Right after he got home the phone rang. It was me calling from Mexico and to this day I don’t remember either calling, or the conversation. What my Dad did understand was that the man I had just married three days before had died in an accident and I was left alone…..in a country not my own.
On what was supposed to be my honeymoon…….
If my Dad had not heeded God’s voice, my Mom would have had to take that call alone. I don’t think she could have handled it.
So while the glow of the wedding was still bright and fresh, the bouquet still in bloom….while relatives had barely had time to get home, they had to come back for a memorial.
And I had to figure out what to do with a future I had all planned out.
The grief was so deep I thought I would never get out. It affected us all. God watched me mess up, veer wildly off the path at times. He watched me deal with the grief all wrong, and that must have been painful for Him to watch…..But in all that time, He never left me.
There are no words for sadness that goes so deep. I remember we all said, “How can the birds still be singing?” In all of our hard hallelujahs no words of comfort ever sound right. But now that I am so far on the other side of that grief, I can comfort others in a way someone else can’t and I know it.
But how to comfort when there are no words? The best thing can be just your presence, a hug….shared tears. A listening ear……..Stopping by after everyone else goes away.
You might ask the question, “Well, if God spoke once, why didn’t He speak another warning? Why didn’t He intervene in the big thing that happened…..Why didn’t He prevent it?”
There is an answer that comforts me, and I know it to be true. I know my God. There is a reason He didn’t intervene, but I don’t know what it is. Maybe it was because He was saving me or someone else from an even greater grief further down the road. That is what I choose to believe….it’s how I find comfort.
I didn’t always have peace about it, but I do now. All these years later, the “why” question matters less and less. Heaven is not nearly as far as we think. The joy that springs up in the heart even in the midst of unbearable sorrow is proof. For we know where they are…….

Though He didn’t keep the awful event from happening, I know He loves me more than anything, and I know He was with me every step of the way.

The death of a child is much harder for me to understand. I can’t imagine that kind of grief.

All I know is that He loves us so very much, even more than we can imagine, and He loves our loved one even more than we do.

Whoever reads this, please whisper a prayer for Duane, the grieving parents of his nephew and all the family. Thank you Duane, for such a beautiful and real post today and thank you Michelle for sharing it.

Prayer for Texas

A resident evacuates his home
 
 

These pictures tell the story…….1000 homes burned and thousands having to evacuate due to wildfires that are out of control. Please pray for everyone involved and for those fighting these fires. I pray for a day with little or no wind……These people have had no rain for months and conditions are so dry…..

A patio table and chair is all that is left

Father, I just pray that there will be no more deaths and that You calm the winds and comfort those who have lost their homes. Thank you for those who got out with their lives intact. I pray that they may be restored in body and spirit.

A cat rescued

May Your Holy Spirit grant them strength and help during this difficult time……………

Elaine just got off the phone with her cousin who lives in La Grange, Texas and they are ready to leave on a moments notice. There are fires surrounding them on all sides. Her two pet carriers are already by the front door, one for her cat and one for her Mom’s.  Her husband found it humorous that  she grabbed a stuffed gorilla she had given her Dad that he had kept for years, and also the military flag she recieved after his memorial service.

It’s funny, the things we reach for, what we value when all is threatened. It’s not the china or the figurines, but the things that are attached to the ones we love, the memories and pictures.

Despite it all, Sandra is still in good spirits and hoping for the best. Her Mom was at the beauty shop getting her hair and nails done. Sandra says: “I guess she wants to look good in case they have to evacuate!”

Thank you my blogging buddies, in advance for your prayers!

all photos courtesy of the LA times

Counting the Gifts

In that day— “Sing about a fruitful vineyard: I, the LORD, watch over it; I water it continually. I guard it day and night so that no one may harm it. Isaiah 27:2, 3

I just finished a marvelous book called, “Halfway to Each Other,” by Susan Pohlman. It chronicles one family’s incredible life-changing experience after leaving their fast paced and stressful LA lifestyle behind and moving to Italy for a year. On the brink of a divorce, while walking along an Italian beach on a business trip husband Tim ventures that maybe they should move there for a year. At first the notion seems ridiculous and illogical. But at the brink of desperation to save their marriage, they do just that.

At times funny, sad, always heartfelt, this book will inspire you and lift you to the heights, and make you think about some of the ways the American lifestyle is extremely unhealthy for both mind, body and spirit. It made me think of what I already really knew. That the magic and memories come when you slow down enough to really get to know each other and God.

The good news is, while we can’t all move to Italy for a year, there are changes we can make right here and right now that will have a big impact on our lives. Slowing down……turning off the noise that constantly barrages our ears, our senses, our lives.

Cutting out activities, the running here and there. Keeping up with the Jones’es or in LA, The Kardashians! Taking little walks together, noticing things, taking the headphones off.

I will never forget one Christmas Eve when we lost all the electricity. We still talk about it…we lit candles and a fire in the fireplace, sang songs, laughed…..and we were all a bit disappointed when the lights came back on. We had captured a bit of magic that we weren’t ready to give up yet.

I was reminded of the joy of games on my recent trip up to the mountains. There in the living room of the cabin we rented, a little shelf was overflowing with board games and my niece’s eyes just lit up like she had just hit the mother load. Of course, she wanted to get them all out at once.

She decided on monopoly. With a special needs kid you don’t go by rules…..you improvise. I think that made it even better. Then I realized to my utter disbelief, that I had no clue what the rules were anyway? How could I have forgotten this game that I had played for so many hours growing up? My brother recalled how he and our cousins would play with a vendetta……sometimes holding games over for the entire weekend after falling asleep at the board.
That weekend, I felt like I had a gift……I will never forget Lauryn and I playing that game, and how she borrowed money “from the bank” to buy Park Place. I can still see her beautiful face lit up with excitement, and hear our conversations that night.

That’s what life is about……celebrating being together. Recapturing what we thought was lost forever……Simple moments that can’t ever be replaced.

Returning a bit of Eden to our lives……Celebrating thankfully today for all those, little/big moments…….

rediscovering games and conversation, drinking in nature, September which leads to October, which leads to cool weather, days off, laughter in the midst of stressful moments, clean sheets, furry ones that love no matter what, discovering a new restaurant yesterday, answered prayers for the end of a challenging week, beautiful Arizona sunrises, a bit of rain last night……#713-#724

Join the gratitude community here to count along with Ann and many others…….

God keeps a journal

“In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. He was with God in the beginning.  Through him all things were made; without him nothing was made that has been made.  In him was life, and that life was the light of all mankind. The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it.” John 1:1-5
I thought of this verse this morning as I rushed over to the golf course to get this shot minus the power lines that continuously block my view. Because I love the written word and everything about it, this verse holds special meaning to me.

The written word has power, tremendous power. It has power to start revolutions and wars, forge relationships, mend hearts and lives, and with the right person behind them, words can become laws.

Words can open up a whole new universe of ideas to someone who never knew such a universe existed. Philip Yancey, in his book “Finding God in Unexpected Places, tells of reading “To Kill a Mockingbird,” among other books, and discovering a whole different world and thought……ideas that were previously foreign to him, being raised in a very racist church. His world was changed.

There is one word though, that set this whole thing in motion………….God’s Word. It started it all, and it will continue throughout eternity. God’s Word is the final word. What is more, the Word is living breathing flesh. The living Word is Jesus.

“The Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us. We have seen his glory, the glory of the one and only Son, who came from the Father, full of grace and truth.” John 1:14

The more you read this verse, the more there is to wrap your mind around.

Before God even uttered one word, the Word was already there………

When we write, we take part in the creative process of capturing thought and bringing it to life on a page…….we have the privilege of joining together with God and doing something really good.

Words can bring life or death. They can be life affirming or spirit killing…….and the words you believe will make a difference in where you spend eternity.

“Then those who feared the Lord talked often one to another; and the Lord listened and heard it, and a book of remembrance was written before Him of those who reverenced and worshipfully feared the Lord and who thought on His name.” Malachi 3:16

Who’d have thought that God kept a journal?

Saturday Wonderings

If the Holy Spirit was withdrawn from the church today, 95 percent of what we do would go on and no one would know the difference. If the Holy Spirit had been withdrawn from the New Testament church, 95 percent of what they did would stop, and everybody would know the difference. A.W. Tozer

I sometimes wonder how much of what we do in the church today is just stuff. I think a lot of what goes on once we leave the building is church. The conversations we have or don’t have. They way we live within the walls of our own homes. At work. I guess you could say I am preaching a sermon to myself today.

Sometimes I ask myself why the person I see in my mind, the one I want to be,  is so much different than the living breathing version of me.

Sometimes I wonder what would happen if all the churches emptied out and went out into the streets on Sunday mornings like a big flash mob of love.

I wonder.

“The apostles performed many signs and wonders among the people. And all the believers used to meet together in Solomon’s Colonnade. No one else dared join them, even though they were highly regarded by the people. Nevertheless, more and more men and women believed in the Lord and were added to their number. As a result, people brought the sick into the streets and laid them on beds and mats so that at least Peter’s shadow might fall on some of them as he passed by. Crowds gathered also from the towns around Jerusalem, bringing their sick and those tormented by impure spirits, and all of them were healed.”

Sometimes we need a reminder

“Think straight. Awaken to the holiness of life. No more playing fast and loose with resurrection facts. Ignorance of God is a luxury you can’t afford in times like these. Aren’t you embarrassed that you’ve let this kind of thing go on as long as you have?” 1 Corinthians 15:34 The Message
You are more than the choices that you’ve made,
You are more than the sum of your past mistakes,
You are more than the problems you create,
You’ve been remade.
You Are More, Tenth Avenue North
And that is what some of you were. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God……1 Corinthians 6:11
Behold, I tell you a mystery; we will not all sleep, but we will all be changed, in a moment, in the twinkling of an eye, at the last trumpet; for the trumpet will sound, and the dead will be raised imperishable, and we will be changed.

 
“Therefore if any person is [ingrafted] in Christ (the Messiah) he is a new creation (a new creature altogether); the old [previous moral and spiritual condition] has passed away. Behold, the fresh and new has come!” 2 Corinthians 5:17 Amplified Bible
 
Sometimes it’s good to be reminded……..I heard the lyrics to the Tenth Avenue North song on the way to work and they really affected me. All too often I dwell on all my past mistakes and failures and begin to see myself that way. We really are so much more than that to God.
 
But God doesn’t……..”as far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us.” Psalm 103:12
 
photo credit: from Nat Geo, and public domain pictures.org