The problem of forgiveness

 “If you forgive those who sin against you, your heavenly Father will forgive you. But if you refuse to forgive others, your Father will not forgive your sins. Matthew 6:14, 15

Bryan Stow can speak again.
And he wants to see his kids.
Stow, the San Francisco Giants fan who was brutally beaten outside of Dodger Stadium on opening night of the season recently uttered his first words since awakening from a medically induced coma.

LOS ANGELES (AP) — A criminal complaint against two new suspects describes in graphic detail the injuries suffered by a San Francisco Giants fan who was beaten nearly to death outside Dodger Stadium — including cuts to the victim’s face and tongue.



As I looked at the photo in the paper of beating victim Bryan Stow and his two kids, I struggled. Then when I saw the photo of the two suspects who were charged, I struggled again, big time. How to forgive something that horrific? Could I forgive someone who did that? What if it was my Dad….brother….friend…..husband that was beaten almost to death. His only crime? Wearing a Giants Jersey to a Dodgers game.

Forgiveness is a big issue, one of the toughest. Peter struggled with it……he asked Jesus how many times he needed to forgive someone who had wronged him. I don’t think he liked Jesus answer any better than I would.

It seems there are so many things in our society that are so hard to forgive. Our justice system too often fails us….lets killers and drug dealers, pedophiles back out on the streets only to have them do the same things they did before. We send children into the arms of parents that have no right to have them. As an animal lover I am distraught at the amount of cruelty inflicted on them.

We scream for justice, and we wouldn’t be wrong in that.

But forgiveness is the bedrock of our faith. Christianity was founded on forgiveness…..How God Himself pardoned us. The painful fact is, each one of us has turned away from Christ at some point or other. It’s what put Him on the cross, after all.

I sometimes think of forgiveness in terms of degree. I could forgive this but not that….never that. I think I could forgive something done to me easier than something done to someone I care about.

But I stand here in a state of grace, knowing that Christ forgave me everything…..wiped my slate clean. I also know that Jesus expects me to forgive everything wronged me, not just what I choose. I remember that the same Holy Spirit that made it possible for Jesus to forgive the world lives in me.

His forgiveness flowing through the Holy Spirit, flowing through me. God doing the forgiveness for me.

That is the only way I can reconcile it in a way that makes sense. Even then it would be an agonizing wrestling match between my will and what I know God expects. Yet as I stand here forgiven, looking forward to a future filled with hope, could I rationalize the right to withhold that same forgiveness to someone who wronged me?

I think of the road to Calvary Jesus walked for me once again and I already know the answer.

Though I sincerely hope I will never be put to the test, I know that it is the one thing that would make my Christianity more real to the world than anything my words could ever say.

Evening Prayer

 
Lord our God,if I have sinned this day in word, deed or thought,
forgive me all, as the good and loving God You are.
Grant me peaceful and untroubled sleep,
and deliver me from every attack and design of the evil one.
Raise me in due time to give You glory;
for blessed are You, with Your only-begotten Son and all-holy Spirit,
now and ever and to the ages of ages. Amen.
One of my favorite moments of the day is when I lay my head on my pillow, give a sigh and say a prayer of thanks. Thanks for what I did right, and maybe what I did not so right, that I have another chance to do it all over again tomorrow, by His grace.
This morning was a tough one. I felt as if everything I have been going through lately caught up with me at once. Tears flowed effortlessly as I stumbled around in the early morning hours getting ready……..I wanted, needed to have a confirmation that God heard my prayer. Knew how I felt.
Sometimes we just need that as humans. We feel far from the angels, even though we know they are there. We need a touch. Sometimes we get the answer throughout the day……little assurances we feel.
Sometimes, He uses others to lift us up and over…..a smile here, and hand on the shoulder there.
And sometimes, like this morning. He shows us right away. It was as if a strong hand…..His, lifted me up and sent me on my way, and I was a little bewildered and amazed by it all….. awestruck that He would do that for me. But He did. Of that I have no doubt.
Thank you, loving Father, for knowing just what I need at the time I need it. I give you my days and my nights, for they all belong to You.
Your love for me is something I will spend my whole life trying to understand.
Prayer at top from source: http://www.orthodoxchristian.info/pages/Evening_Prayers.htm

Holding out hope

“Come now, let’s settle this,”says the Lord.“Though your sins are like scarlet, I will make them as white as snow.Though they are red like crimson, I will make them as white as wool. Isaiah 1:18

Isn’t it wonderful to know that we have a reasonable God? One who wants to know the deepest desires of our hearts? One who wants and seeks a relationship with us?

We serve a God of reconciliation. One who wants to be involved in every aspect of our lives. One who already knows our thoughts but wants to hear them from us in our own words. He delights in that.

People everywhere are seeking something, but too often they are asking the world to supply something it never can. Real Peace. But not the kind the world offers. The kind only God can give. Real and lasting peace. The kind of peace that comes despite every circumstance life throws at us.

Too often we look to the world for answers……we think the best and brightest humanity has to offer is good enough. It reminds me of that old song, “Looking for love in all the wrong places.” When we look to the world for our answers we will come up empty every time.

Only when we begin to entertain the possibility of something bigger than ourselves, hope blooms like the crack of the dawn spilling over a mountain.

This is our future, and it is indeed, a future filled with hope. The world doesn’t have the answers or the hope we need for our future, but God does. This is the future God has for us……

People from many nations will come and say,
“Come, let us go up to the mountain of the Lord,
to the house of Jacob’s God.
There he will teach us his ways,
and we will walk in his paths.”
For the Lord’s teaching will go out from Zion;
his word will go out from Jerusalem.
The Lord will mediate between nations
and will settle international disputes.
They will hammer their swords into plowshares
and their spears into pruning hooks.
Nation will no longer fight against nation,
nor train for war anymore. Isaiah 2:3,4

Hundreds of years before Jesus was born, Isaiah prophesied exactly to the letter all the facts concerning the birth of Jesus.

The rest is history.

God has always had hope for the world…….and that hope came through Jesus.

I wish you a day filled with His peace today wherever your path takes you and that you have a real sense of His presence…….

Evening walk

An evening walk among giants……

Cicadas were the symphony backdrop, with an occasional bullfrog and the sound of ducks splashing across the pond and dragonfly wings whirring overhead…..

Fall in the desert is a bit different……no evening chill yet, the heat of the day leaves reluctantly….it hangs on until the morning hours.
Two ducks heading to communal evening bath time
Still, we know that summer is coming to an end at long last. It is slow going, and yet when we get up and are greeted with the cool air that greets the morning,
we are graced with new life….
new hope.
By the time we headed back to the car, the mosquitoes were out in force…….
but we know that soon summer will lose it’s grip for good. Soon we will have the desert chill, and
fires in the firepit………hot drinks and
everything fall.

More than conquerers

  There is therefore now no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus, who do not walk according to the flesh, but according to the Spirit.  For the law of the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus has made me free from the law of sin and death.  For what the law could not do in that it was weak through the flesh, God did by sending His own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh, on account of sin: He condemned sin in the flesh,  that the righteous requirement of the law might be fulfilled in us who do not walk according to the flesh but according to the Spirit. Romans 8:1-4

I can’t think of a better way to celebrate with the gratitude community than with this verse. There is so much to be thankful for when we reflect on everything  this verse really means. We are a people who have been brought from death to life! This is our eternal hope! I think sometimes we forget what we have been freed from. We tend to remember on Sundays in worship……when we see someone baptised into new life or celebrate communion, but our everyday reality is this: Every moment of our waking lives, we live with the reality of the resurrection. A living hope.
That changes our whole outlook on life. The law was given to show us how desperately we needed a Savior. God knew that it was a physical and spiritual impossibility for anyone to actually keep the Ten Commandments, but He had to show us the expectations. Of course, He never would have done that without giving us a solution to our desperate situation. The solution was and is and always will be Jesus!
He was the lamb without spot or wrinkle……our sacrifice. Being God, He was fully able to fulfill every commandment, not only that He was the Commandment.
I think, no I know, that sometimes God puts us in places that show us our complete and utter inadequacy in a situation without Him. He does it so that we will lean on Him and let His Holy Spirit do that work through us. I know that He has done that for me here lately.
And I am thankful for it. Sometimes we need to have things revealed in our character that need changing. Those things would never come out unless they were forced out. Being in a caretaker role I have learned some things about myself that I never knew. I am not nearly as nice as I thought I was. Can anyone identify with that?
The Holy Spirit can do a much better job than I could ever hope to do. Getting out of the way is the hard part. The letting go and letting God.
Each day is a chance to make room for Him, and in making room for Him, we realize there is a bigger space in our hearts for others. We learn to be easier on ourselves too. “No, despite all these things, overwhelming victory is ours through Christ, who loved us.” Romans 8:37
Count thanks with me today……..Blessedly cooler weather……days off to enjoy them……a good dinner last night with good neighbors……friends who pray…….scones in the morning……..a walk around the park……my health……a good job…….A God who is not content to leave me as I am…….a good nights rest…….#725-#735
Sorry, I couldn’t get Ann’s button to show up today but you can get her here

He is more than enough

And He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. 2 Corinthians 12:9
I got home the other night and she was outside on the patio. My best friend of the endless positive attitude…the natural born fixer, the supervisor and mediator of people and situations, cannot fix her Mom. There is no fix for Alzheimer’s…..yet. The look on her face said it all. She was done….spent. Finished. “She drove me nuts today,” she said. “I prayed all day and it didn’t work.” I said, “Yes it did, she is still alive and so are you.” Sometimes it is all you can do to get through the day with your mind and body intact.
Everything she tried to do for her Mom ended in complete and utter frustration.
A woman who used to scream at them for getting in the kitchen while she was cooking, now stands in the middle of the kitchen as her daughter cooks, staring a hole through her. It is disconcerting to say the least.
And then the endless pacing….up and down, back and forth. In her squeaky shoes. Suggestions are met with hostility and you never know when…..It is like walking in two worlds. The regular world and the Alzheimer’s world. Applying the normal rules doesn’t work in an abnormal world.
Harder still, is when you have no good memory bank to pull from because your Mom was never emotionally available to you or for you……never nurturing. What do you do when your own supply of love and devotion is not enough, and when you feel like the sun has gone down and taken every scrap of your strength with it?
When the last thing you want is another thing you have to do.
You rest in the knowledge that
you know…… that you know…… that you know
He is more than enough
His love takes over when ours runs out
He will never, ever ignore His child who prays
Know that the power that raised Him from the grave is enough to raise you…….“Now all glory to God, who is able, through his mighty power at work within us, to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think.” Ephesians 3:20

Along came a spider

I was driving home a couple of weeks ago when it finally happened. The thing I always dreaded. The “what would I do if this happened scenario.” I was talking to my Dad on the commute home when I noticed something in my peripheral vision……a movement. Say it isn’t so. But there it was, skittering across the dash like it owned the place. A spider. Everyone who knows me knows how I feel about them.

I know they are God’s creatures. I know they are good to have around…..as long as they remember their place…..outside. I know they eat flies and other pests, and that their webs are works of art, especially when hit with morning dew. I really can see the beauty in that. But where there’s a web there’s an occupant. There it is, smack dab in the middle of that glorious creation…….along with all eight creepy legs that I imagine crawling across my face in the middle of the night.

That actually happened to me once and I never forgot it.

Surprisingly, Charlotte’s Web was my favorite book growing up, but no matter how my Dad tried to tell me to “let Charlotte live”  it didn’t matter. It only pulled on my heartstrings for a second…..right before I switched on the vacuum cleaner and sucked Charlotte right into her new forever home.

There it was, dangerously close, on my side of the dash. I held my breath and leaned over as far as I could toward the passenger side. Then it leisurely went across to the other side….I released my breath. It was tortuous. I thought it would help if I stayed on the phone and so I did, never letting the panic hit my voice. I was extremely proud of myself for exercising such supreme discipline and control.

That is, until it started to crawl, in that fast creepy way they have, right over to where I was sitting. Trapped. My hands gripped the wheel and did the only thing I could do.

I sped up.

Then the worst happened, it disappeared! I lost track of the sucker. Any minute I expected it to float down right in front of my face. The not knowing was worse than actually seeing it.

It appeared again by my left shoulder. That’s when all my self control and discipline went out the window. By the time I approached the Wal-Mart off-ramp I was approaching 80 MPH. I was in complete control of course, my hands never left the wheel except for once.

I barrelled around the corner and screeched to a stop in the garden center parking lot. By that time it had managed to make it all the way to the backseat floorboards. I should have let it go but I didn’t. I got a towel from the trunk and smashed it good.

I feel bad for killing one of God’s creatures….

If it just hadn’t been in my car.

Later I told my Dad about it. After the laughter subsided he told me he was impressed by my tremendous display of self discipline.

Rest……

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.” Matthew 11:28
“My presence will go with you, and I will give you rest.” “My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.” Psalm 73:26 

“Hear my cry, O God; listen to my prayer. From the ends of the earth I call to you, I call as my heart grows faint; lead me to the rock that is higher than I. For you have been my refuge, a strong tower against the foe. I long to dwell in your tent forever and take refuge in the shelter of your wings.” Psalm 61:1

“My soul finds rest in God alone; my salvation comes from him. He alone is my rock and my salvation; he is my fortress, I will never be shaken.” Psalm 62:1-2

 Do you not know? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom. He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.” Isaiah 40:28- 31

I am having a bit of rest today on this little bench…….come and join me. If you don’t see me, that means I am doing some blog-hopping today. Doing a little visiting, neighbor to neighbor, blog to blog.

Get the coffee ready, I like it strong!

The Song around the throne

Don’t you wonder where it comes from? That hymn that you almost forgot? It shows up when you are tired, or anxious, or fearful. Or maybe it’s a verse that comes just when you need it. They float in and out. Sometimes they are like a little whisper deep in your soul.

That’s the Holy Spirit. He can’t keep from singing….and in the quiet places in my soul, I join in. I may be anxious, or scared, or worried. But when I hear His song, my own spirit sings along. The arrow of truth sinks deep. It’s His way of reminding me.

Jesus is all I need. Jesus is all I need. That’s the one I kept hearing this morning. Yes, I know He is. My mind and all my past experiences and logic tell me so and I know it to be true. He is more than enough. It’s my heart that falters, slow to get the message.

I was worried about my Mom yesterday. They had to give her a new medication because her heart was beating too fast. The Doctor mentioned stroke. I realized again that someday, sooner than later, I will have to live without her, and I don’t want to.

Jesus is enough, yes. But I want her here too. I can’t think that she won’t be here as long as I will.

I was so distracted and worried that it took someone with Alzheimer’s in the passenger seat to tell me that I had the green arrow….that was right after I heard the loud honking behind me.

Then I got irritated at them because they were impatient and I honked back.

As my cousin would say, Onward Christian Soldiers.

Sometimes it does feel like a war.

Inside me He is singing and I am doing my best to sing along. There is an endless song around the throne of God that I like to imagine. And it never stops.

That’s the one the Holy Spirit sings….and its the one we will all sing one day, by and by.

When the Desert Loves

As a pilot calls on winds and a storm-tossed mariner looks
homeward, so the times call on you to win your way to God. As
God’s athlete, be sober; the stake is immortality and eternal
life. St. Ignatius the God-bearer
I have never read much of the desert fathers (and mothers) but I understand the appeal the desert held for them. The desert has a way of calling to you after awhile. I never would have believed this, having been raised with weekends on the Pacific coast and the majestic Sierra Nevada mountain range. These call too, very loudly……..it is easy to see God there because the grandeur of that beauty speaks with a megaphone.
The desert is big sky………and filled with remote and lonely places that only the cry of the coyotes fill.
And the desert is fierce and moody and relentless. At once brutal, so hot you can feel it in your eyeballs, and powerful and violent as the thunder rolls, the lightening flashes against the backdrop of eerie sky sending both human and animal alike running for cover as the hardened ground fails to contain the water that pours out of the sky in sheets. The wind blows and the dust swallows everything in its path. I challenge anyone to doubt God in a desert thunderstorm.
You feel the fierceness of the relentless heat like the Old Testament’s descriptions of God’s wrath in the summer time. You think you will never get through its oppressive agony. It is merciless, the way it beats down on you, month after month.Therefore humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God……. Then just when you think you can’t stand one more minute…….that He may exalt you at the proper time…..1 Peter 5:6
And then…….miraculously.
It cools. You feel the release of its grip like the whisper of God’s mercy. You walk outside and you realize something monumental has happened, something wondrous. It is the desert waking up…..The hope of that awakening is something a non-desert dweller could never understand.
We rejoice because we have made it through to the other side. It’s a bit like rebirth……Doors and windows are once again thrown open, and new life begins once more.
Flowers appear on the earth; the season of singing has come, the cooing of doves is heard in our land. Song of Solomon 2:12 
I open the screen door for the first time today….Hallelujah!