Chasing God’s Reflection

And the happy life is this: To rejoice in You. To rejoice for you. To rejoice because of you. I say it again: Life is joy in You, who are the truth, O my God, the light of my soul, health of my body!

Those who think there is a different way to find a happy life are pursuing something quite different from happiness–how sad that they do not even realize it. It is true they will find some reflection of joy. But they will not find the true thing, and in the end they will be sadly disappointed, as I once was. Augustine, Confessions 10
I was thinking of the truth and beauty of Augustine’s words yesterday as I sat in the quiet. I was remembering Saturday night and how Elaine and I raced all over the golf course across the street looking for that perfect shot of the Big Moon……She was my human tripod. She calls herself my camera caddy. And she doesn’t mind a bit……As darkness closed in she said, “Let’s go and find the water so we can get a shot of the reflection.”
A bit further, and we found it. I balanced the camera on her shoulder and she clicked away on her IPhone……it was magnificent, and yet, it wasn’t the reflection itself that held us captive, it was what it was reflecting that continued to turn our eyes upward.
We can get so caught up in the reflection of God through all the wonderful things He has made that we can actually miss God Himself. Augustine was right. And yet, as Elaine pointed out, the fact that someone created all this times doesn’t factor in to many folks pattern of thought. Their minds don’t go there.
Why did I? Why did she? Why do any of us?
Therein lies the whole miracle of the conversion experience…….And how could I not be bursting with Gratitude each and every day. It humbles me to the point of silence…..
And He did it all for us, “See, what I made you……” Everything we see around us is a reflection of His love for us. His hope is that we will look just a bit further. To lift our eyes to Him so that we may not only know Him, but be One with Him through Jesus…..
My list continues……..Big beautiful moons that take the breath away……a garden springing to life……still cool mornings for which I am oh so grateful……a great follow-up conversation with our girl Heather…..another week to worship with the fellowship of believers…….another great lunch after church…..watching Mama feed her baby bird while taking a break at work……answered prayers as I looked back on my journal of two years ago……another day off! #877-887

The Foolish Cross

Cross at Canaan in the Desert, Phoenix Arizona
 For the word of the cross is foolishness to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved it is the power of God. For it is written,
“ I will destroy the wisdom of the wise,
And the cleverness of the clever I will set aside.”

Where is the wise man? Where is the scribe? Where is the debater of this age? Has not God made foolish the wisdom of the world? For since in the wisdom of God the world through its wisdom did not come to know God, God was well-pleased through the foolishness of the message preached to save those who believe. For indeed Jews ask for [p]signs and Greeks search for wisdom; but we preach Christ crucified, to Jews a stumbling block and to Gentiles foolishness,  but to those who are the called, both Jews and Greeks, Christ the power of God and the wisdom of God.  Because the foolishness of God is wiser than men, and the weakness of God is stronger than men. 1 Corinthians 1:18-25

All of our technology and all of our human intellect has done nothing to improve the moral climate of this world. It seems the more educated we are, the worse we mess things up. Don’t get me wrong, I am all for higher learning and education. But lets say we offer up the most brilliant thinkers of all time, even if we could combine them all into one person, we would only be left with one very intelligent person.

If in fact, there is such a thing as intellect and reason, and there is, it follows that there is a source behind it all that is infinitely and vastly superior.

What kind of language would that intelligent being have to use, to bridge the intellectual and moral chasm that lies between us?

Something almost too foolish for us to understand.

Something confounding, something almost too simple to be believed. Something preposterous.

Something like the cross.

Something that really messes with our intellectual pride. Picture a human being going to live in the ant world. And God would have to shrink Himself down much further than that……

He would have to make Himself look like Jesus did. Totally non-threatening. Gentle as a lamb, but with all the power of the universe at His disposal. Able to tell a raging storm to pipe down. Able to command death itself to go back where it came from and bring Lazarus out of the tomb alive.

And able to raise Himself from the dead, in order that we could be raised too.

God has proven that there is nothing He won’t do to make Himself accessible to you.

He loves you that much.

Missing her……

I am missing her this morning….that’s my post today. This coming week she will be going to the beach with “Papa’s Mama” (my Mom) and “Papa” as she calls my Dad, and her Daddy. I heard how excited she sounded on the phone the other night. Sitting here at my desk at work, my heart squeezes and I am trying to keep tears from spilling, and failing. I know how she will shriek when she sees the ocean, just like I used to. She will be jumping up and down on one foot and I know my brother will not be moving nearly fast enough for her.

Wasn’t it only yesterday that she left the driveway in her car seat, shortly after she was born? That I collapsed in tears because I knew I wouldn’t be seeing her again for awhile? I saw all those moments I was going to miss. It’s preposterous, that her next Birthday she will be ten….and I shake my head in disbelief and how fast it all went.

Elaine was feeling much the same way last night……Her niece, and namesake, McKenna was in a school play. I saw and felt the pang of sadness in her voice and in her eyes as the pictures came through, knowing she wouldn’t be there to see her perform the part of Charlie Bucket’s mother onstage.

They are all so precious and time is flying by way too fast. Everything is monumental in their lives right now, every moment as big as eternity……I wish I could make a big bubble where we could all live close.

All those moments are magic, you know?

I feel unsettled this morning,  like the world is shifting a bit under my feet. The gravity of home was pulling me back. I even kept slowing down in the car, and for me that is unusual. I got to work and found they had moved my workstation. You would think I would be totally comfortable with change by now after being here 16 years.

Meanwhile, there is a little girl named Isabel still missing here in Arizona. She is only 6. I hope and pray she will have another Birthday,  yet after more than one week missing, I feel guilty in thinking there is little hope that she will…… that is a sorrow that I can’t even fathom. A bottomless grief.

Today I hold out hope along with her parents, that somewhere she is safe.

Please keep Isabel and her family in your prayers…..

Looking back to what’s ahead…..

“Keep your face to the sunshine
and you cannot see the shadow.
It’s what sunflowers do.”
by Helen Keller

Been thinking about………Soft answers. And how the Bible says they turn away wrath. All this time I was thinking it was to turn away the hearer’s wrath, but maybe the whole point is to turn away the wrath of the deliverer as well.

There is always more behind what Jesus says. The Bible is filled with layers. The more I read it the more layers and meanings God reveals.

Life sometimes feels like it’s going frightfully fast. I find myself wanting to stop the stream of it, plug the hole with my finger to keep it from flowing, rushing past……stop it in midstream. And yet I want to move fast forward to retirement. Maybe, I think, life will move more slowly after that. If I can only just get there.

Meanwhile, during the night our minds manufacture dreams through our fears, joys and sorrows. I dreamed one night that I had pulled up to a campsite bulletin board. You know the kind where people put their paperplate message on the board so you will know where to find them? Except I awoke, heart pounding, because I realized they were gone and I could not go where they were.

They went to the place of too much time gone by……Aren’t we all drifting there, even now?

I wonder? Is that part of what drives us to write? To stop time, freeze the moment. Never forget?

These days I find getting older brings a certain comfort. Comfort in knowing the truths I have believed for so long have been verified, proven true. Only years and experience teaches that. Not any school that I know of, except the school that God puts us through.

The more I read the Bible, the more it becomes alive. The more try to live it, the more I know it’s true. And when I clutch it to my chest I can actually feel it saving me. It is a book like no other, it is pulsating with life…..

Redemptive power of both the redeemed and the Redeemer.

And this is one song that has no end.

The song of the redeemed. Let Heaven and nature sing.

St. Augustine’s Diet Plan

Then God said, “Look! I have given you every seed-bearing plant throughout the earth and all the fruit trees for your food. Genesis 1:29
I came across this bit of wisdom from St. Augustine in the little devotional book, Early Will I Seek You, a 40 day journey in the company of Augustine. He has this to say about food:
“You have taught me that I should approach the taking of food as I approach medicine. For hunger and thirst are pains of a sort. They break down the body and burn, unless the “medicine” of nourishment relieves us. And it’s by eating and drinking that we repair the daily losses of the body, until such time as you destroy both the stomach and food. (1 Corinthians 6:13) At that time you will kill all fleshly hungers by filling us with your wonderful plenty. Then you will clothe this corruptible body with an everlasting body that cannot be corrupted. (1 Corinthians 15:54)
But until that day, I fast and wage war because I need to bring my body into subjection.”
I have lost and gained the same 10-15 pounds for many, many years. I love sweets and pizza and burgers, and every bit of weight is noticeable on a 5′ 1″ frame. I get lazy and would much rather sit and read than workout. Others have a much bigger struggle than mine, but I do identify with the struggle. Let’s face it, we can’t just stop eating. I tried that once, believe me, it doesn’t work. I got down to 83 pounds, anorexia had me in it’s grip, and I was in a battle for my life……
I can truly say that God healed me in a miraculous way, of that I have no doubt whatsoever. It was due to the prayers of my family that I was snatched out the power of that particular death grip. It was God and Jazzercise that saved me. After making my self sick, I then had to make myself well. Though God healed my mind, I had to love my body back into health.
Augustine goes on further to state:
“Now, let us be honest, eating and drinking are pleasurable, and good food is healthful for the body. But I may sit down to eat and drink for the sake of health, and then for pleasure go on to eat and drink far more than I need or over what is healthful. Often it is so difficult to tell the difference, whether my body has a healthy appetite or whether I am being deceived by my own overwhelming greed……”
He ends with this prayer that I join him in praying today:
“I call upon you, O Lord, and offer up all my confusion to you. Help me to clearly discern my own motives. Because food and drink are needs and pleasures, this is not the kind of thing I can renounce once and for all, as I was able to do with fornication. And who, Lord, is not sometimes carried beyond the bounds of “necessity?” I ask you, O Lord, to help me keep a right grip, neither too loose or too tight, on the reins of my palate. Confessions 10
I think this prayer fits just about any issue we are struggling with……..
I present my humble offering of Gratitude today, continuing the count with the community of believers………
A brand new tomato, which Elaine presented to the neighbor lady next door, little sprouts that reach toward the sun, another Sunday to worship and yes, enjoy eating outside before it gets too hot…..laughter and conversation with our neighbors……phone calls across the miles that bring us close……healthy discussions about what we heard yesterday in church……a healthy body and an abundance of food…..projects that provide a sense of accomplishment……two mornings of not having to get up early…..the Holy Spirit that gives us the strength to do what we cannot……#878-888
 

When God writes a story……

We have a history, this girl and our family. It seems like forever ago that she came into our lives, and forever since I had seen her. Her folks lived right next door for a time, and my Mom having never met a stranger, got to know them. My Mom started to take care of Heather after her Mom went back to work…..She would arrive in the mornings like a little Anne Geddes baby, smelling as sweet as a rosebud. She grew into our hearts, this girl with the mischievous and independent spirit. She was part of our family.

When it came time for my wedding, I knew Heather just had to be in it.

When I look at this picture now, I see everything that came after for us both. But back then, it was as the Carpenter’s song said, a day of “white lace and promises.” Soon after, my brand new husband would be gone from this earth, leaving a chasm so deep I didn’t know how I would ever get over it. But God brought me through that. Brought us all through that.

As Heather got older, my Mom kept in touch…..saw her at the store every now and then. She went through that “all in black” stage when she hit her teens. Fell in with the wrong crowd as they say. We heard she was having some hard times, some struggles. And then she was lost to us. We heard snatches of things here and there from her Aunt, none of the news very good. Her Aunt would tell us to pray, so that is what we did.

Her Dad died, and after that it seemed we didn’t hear anything at all for a very long time. She was lost to us, and I am sure she would agree, lost to herself for those many years. My Mom worried and prayed, and I am sure her own Mom did too.

Mom persisted through the years, kept checking up, kept praying that some day the news would be good. And one day it was……It seemed that Heather had resurfaced. She had come out the other side of some hard times. She got away from some influences that were better left behind. She got a good job and kept it.

She was baptised into new life in the Puget Sound.

And what a joyous time it was, when she and Mom met again that first time after so long. She said, “I got my girl back….” I can only imagine the tears of joy that were shed that day. God closed a gap  for them on all those missing years.

I was thrilled at the news, and though I had contacted her on Facebook, I still hadn’t seen her in person.When I heard she was going to be in Phoenix, I knew there was no way I could let her go back home without seeing her, especially when I found out her Mom was with her.

And as I got ready, I was so nervous. I fussed about what to wear. I worried what she’d think of me now, no longer young, like she remembered me. And when did my teeth get so yellow? How blotchy my skin was. I critiqued myself before the mirror. Maybe we have nothing in common, I thought. Maybe she won’t even like me…….

As we waited in the lobby for her to come down, I paced. I chatted nervously with Elaine, who had last seen Heather the same time as me, around 1988 or 89. I saw her face change as she looked at something behind me, and suddenly I felt two hands covering my eyes, and a warm embrace from behind.

And all of a sudden, those years fell away, and so did all my worries. As I looked in her eyes, I saw love shining out. Our Heather was back.

We talked and laughed for 5 hours straight, the four of us. Her Mom and Elaine found they had some things in common, they compared notes on caretaking, since her husband is on the same medications as Elaine’s Mom for Dementia. I could see the stress, the weight of it in her eyes.

When we went to leave at the end of the night, Heather called me “Sis” and picked me up like I was the kid, I realized again, that family doesn’t neccesarily have to mean blood.

What it does mean is love unconditional no matter what. For better and for worse. 

Friends, family and prayer holds us over to the better parts of life. Life is a combo plate, no doubt about it. With its own mixture of happy and sad, sprinkled with tears of laughter and sorrow. When I looked at the four of us on Tuesday I saw everything we have gone through, all of us. I saw some strong women, and an even stronger God.

All these years I have carried a memory of a little girl, reading out loud from a book my Mom used to read to her as they sat close, about how God’s love will always find you. “Even if I sank deep, deep to the bottom of the ocean, Your love would find me.”  It did Heather, it did.

It found us all. When God weaves a story, the ending is always happy.

And didn’t she turn out beautifully? I am kicking myself ever since for not getting a photo of us together….but that is for next time, I guess.

A special thanks to my Mom who never gave up on bringing Heather back into our circle of life and to Heather’s Mom for inviting us back in.

When life feels stagnant

He who was seated on the throne said, “I am making everything new!” Then he said, “Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true.” He said to me: “It is done. I am the Alpha and the Omega, the Beginning and the End. To the thirsty I will give water without cost from the spring of the water of life. Revelation 21:5,6

I was kind of pouting yesterday…….Well, complaining actually. I was informed I have to train yet another person for my job because the person I just got finished training may go on to another position……may. He is interviewing for other jobs. To be honest, it irritated me. That means I am stuck here once again.

But the Holy Spirit did His convicting work rather quickly. Pulled me up short. He does that to me often. He said, “Being stuck is a luxury you have that many others would give anything for…” Including my own brother. Oh, God forgive me. And if I feel stuck, I have no one to blame but myself.  I have options, I have retirement (as of right now), I have health care, I have time off, paid time off…….I started ticking them off, all the blessings. So many. And I realized again that Gratitude is the key. It is what keeps the fresh water flowing in our lives.

God forgive me.

The truth is, as people of God, we never ever have to feel stagnant or stuck, anywhere. Our God is the God who makes all things new. And when Jesus came up out of that grave, He made all things new forever!

Revelation is speaking of a time to come, when God surely will create a new Heaven and a new Earth, but part of that promise belongs to the here and now. Wherever we are, whatever we are doing, it won’t last forever. We may feel stuck, but right in the middle of that stagnant pool, Jesus stirs the waters.

He is our living water, and He always has a fresh supply.

Meanwhile, my brother and so many others are wondering if they will be able to keep their jobs, if they will be able to find a job, wondering whether they will lose their health care.

Meanwhile a little girl is missing here in Arizona, and parents are facing something so terrible I can’t even imagine it. Please pray for the safe return of little 6 year old Isabel.

My heart aches for them today.

A little bird told me

“Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground outside your Father’s care. And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered.  So don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows. Matthew 10:29-31

This verse comes just about in the middle of Chapter 10 when Jesus is sending His disciples out two by two. I take comfort in how many times He told the disciples not to fear. I guess I shouldn’t take comfort in that, that they feared, but I do. Let’s face it, the world out there can be a scary place.

Each day He sends us out too, and we never know who or what we might run into.

I guess that’s why I like birds……they remind me that God takes record of every one that falls from the sky and He is taking care of me too.

When I look at this little guy, a little ordinary brown sparrow, I see a master Designer at work. I see a hundred different shades of grey, brown, tan. I look at how the feathers fold so neatly together, how those little feet can grip just about anything. Perfectly suited to their environment.

God has placed His Own Spirit within us, so that we may be totally effective. Not only that, like this little bird, when we are controlled by the Spirit, we are perfectly suited to go out into the world and be God’s hands and feet. But it’s a battle, no doubt about it. At times I read that list of the gifts of the Spirit and I see where I am glaringly lacking.

There are far too many times I take the Spirit places He should never be, with my thoughts, my words, my actions.

And yet, still He strives with me.

Sometimes I pretend, it’s just me and Jesus. And He’s giving me a pep talk in my morning prayer. That is what it really comes down to, every day.

Me and Jesus face to face. And In that moment when I meet Him, the world falls away, and nothing else matters. When He looks in my eyes, He sees my heart.

He still wants me.

Getting Small

Sometimes, when life gets overwhelming, it’s a good thing to shrink yourself down and get close to a tree……and remember when you were small and the world was a very magical place where you believed leprechauns hid behind trees and watched you, and fairies played with fireflies at dusk.
You have to get small again and open your ears to what God wants to say in the deep silence.
He is saying, “See here……I have created all this beauty that you walk by everyday, just so you will know that I am here,
I have not left you and I never will.

I have made my mark and written my name across everything I have created…….and I made the moon so that you could look upon my face and be reminded and be comforted.”

At times like these, I know why Jesus called His Spirit the Comforter……Just when I feel left out in the cold, like everyone “gets it” but me…..He comes and warms like a fire from the inside out.

His touch cures the ails of this world like nothing else can.

Just for today

I don’t mean to say that I have already achieved these things or that I have already reached perfection. But I press on to possess that perfection for which Christ Jesus first possessed me. 13 No, dear brothers and sisters, I have not achieved it, but I focus on this one thing: Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead, I press on to reach the end of the race and receive the heavenly prize for which God, through Christ Jesus, is calling us. Philippians 4:12-14

My prayer journal this morning:

Just for today, Lord, help me to embrace this day, knowing that each day holds hope with You. Help me not spend too much time in the past or future, for that robs the present. Too much time thinking about the path behind me leads to over-analyzing and regret that paralyzes my actions today. I want to see today in full color, Lord and not miss the moment.

And help me also, not to waste time worrying about the future. Try as I might, I can’t see what’s around the bend. And if I try to run ahead, I realize that is not part of Your plan. Every time you obscure what I am so desperately trying to figure out.

Help me to learn the lesson of the manna…….only enough for one day and one day only.

You have placed me right here in this present and it’s no accident. You meant for me to be right here. In this decade, year, month……day…..moment.

These moments are manna…….while fluffy manna floating down out of Your hand, a precious gift.

I can eat my fill of everything you give me, right now today, and now that I will have enough tomorrow and the next, until I am where You are. Help me to honor you by staying in this present you have given me, and know that I can treasure the past and look forward to my future.

Knowing it is secure in You.