When writing heals what is broken

“Mine is the sunlight, mine is the morning
Born of the one light, Eden saw play
Praise with elation, praise every morning
God’s recreation of the new day”
Morning has broken, Cat Stevens
Sometimes God does something that we really don’t expect. Well, usually He does.  And yesterday, I hinted at that something. It was something that was broken off me……and it was supernatural. It was an out and out healing, I really wouldn’t know what else to call it. I wrote a story recently, well God wrote it, actually. And I guess it was a kind of catharsis, because ever since it was posted, the anger that I have been wrestling with has left.
I remember the morning after I sent it, I awoke at 2:00 and it was there. The black presence. I was fighting with it in the dark. I was doing combat. And I was upset because I was robbed of precious sleep. In two more hours the alarm would go off.
It was a person I was mad at. And it was justified, because my friend was hurt because of it. You could say it was a righteous anger. But it was anger all the same. And I recognized it as a tangible thing inside me, building and brewing inside me since all these events of the past few years or so.
It was the anger that leapt up like a fire in me…….when a shirt wouldn’t come off the hanger, when someone pulled in front of me, little irrational things that caused it to flare. And I was never that way before.
That dark morning I prayed just I had other mornings, but that morning I fell asleep hard, and when I awoke that anger had packed its bags and left. God swept that demon out clean. 
I know it was the story.
I compare it to the other morning long ago when I got up and I suddenly knew my mind was healed of anorexia. I sat down and ate……with no guilt at all. That thing inside that held me captive was gone and I knew it.
And there was such joy at the kitchen table that day, my Mom and Dad and I all cried as I told them about a healing dream I had. That morning they got their daughter back from the grip of death.
I remember I ate scrambled eggs, usually a forbidden food.
I know it was the story. I gave it to Him and He did something wonderful with it.
This is powerful confirmation that Dawn is coming.
Once again He has reminded me in a powerful way, that whatever you or I are going through right now, its temporary, Hallelujah.
Tremble and do not sin;
when you are on your beds,
search your hearts and be silent.
Offer the sacrifices of the righteous
and trust in the Lord.
In peace I will lie down and sleep,
for you alone, Lord,
make me dwell in safety.
Psalm 4:4,5, and 8



The Lord will hear…….

But know that the Lord has set apart for Himself him who is godly;
The Lord will hear when I call to Him.
Psalm 4:3

I pulled out of the driveway a bit late for church. I was thinking that I might miss the music, and that was okay. Certain days, it’s all I want to hear, and other days I would be content to just sit in the silence for awhile. Just to be in church…..

As I sped along the freeway another thought came. What if, instead of doing church, I went and passed out bottled water to the homeless. Went to serve in the foodbank. Went to the rest home and spent the church hour sitting with him. Praying with him. It was a radical thought. That’s what made me think it might be a God thought.

Instead, I felt my tires go the familiar groove, the safe way. Into the doors I went, into the safety of the church. It’s what I need, I thought. This is how I get ready for the rest of the week. This is what keeps me going all week.

And I was glad I went. But at service’s end, I found myself going the back way home. The way that passed the rest home where he was, Curtis, my best friend’s Dad. He has wreaked such havoc over the last few years, well, longer than that. And though he provided for the family, he was an absent father.

Now everyone is absent from his life, well just about everyone.

Though the choices that have led to this result at the end of his life have been his, it makes it no less tragic how he has ended up.

As I drove past, I felt God whisper for me to pull in. And He might have said that I should go in the room, too. But I wrestled with that, and put it aside.

What if he’s in a grouchy mood, what if he’s just gotten his lunch, he stops eating if someone is there…..what if there is a mess all over and soiled clothes piled high in the hamper, like there has been before. The smell reached all the way down the hall. Sometimes he refuses to let the aides pick up his laundry.

I think of him how he looks now. So frail, so weak, a shadow of the man he was before.

I pulled into a space and my swirling thoughts quieted down like snow at the bottom of a snowglobe.

I bowed my head, and prayed for him right there in the parking lot. For his life, for the rest of his life, however much is left. For him to remember what he heard in church all his younger years, he and his sister, still vibrant and full of life at 88. She chose the better path, the path of faith, of life. Of Jesus.

I pray for a miracle before the end.

Then, like that while feather that floated from the sky in Forrest Gump, I realized that a miracle had happened, the anger I had before was gone. It had left like a wisp of smoke and I hadn’t realized it before then,  and I know just when it happened.

Be angry, and do not sin.
Meditate within your heart on your bed, and be still. Selah
Offer the sacrifices of righteousness,
And put your trust in the Lord
Psalm 4:4,5

Tomorrow, I will write more…..until then I join with the gratitude community and with the ones who are unwrapping his promises.

Okra reaching for the sky, how my story touched some hearts, and how I made some new friends, completed projects and a clean shop, friends across the miles who text, another chips and salsa timeout yesterday, freedom to gather together in worship one more Sunday, a new friend for my brother, my nieces Mom who takes Lauryn everywhere with her and doesn’t leave her behind, and facebook for keeping in touch. #933-943

Social Media and the Church

They devoted themselves to the apostles’ teaching <sup class="crossreference" value="(BE)”>and to fellowship, to the breaking of bread <sup class="crossreference" value="(BF)”>and to prayer. Everyone was filled with awe at the many wonders and signs performed by the apostles.  All the believers were together and had everything in common…..Acts 2:42-44

And each day they were actively involved in Facebook, Twitter, Skype, and joyfully embraced each new Social Media that came along and integrated it into the Church, and each day more believers were added to their number…….

An interesting question…..how would social media have affected the early church? I wonder how the use of social media has shaped the modern church today. I didn’t think about it much until I got swept up in the frenzy of it myself. I blame my IPhone. I heart my IPhone! I panic when I lose sight of it. It has almost become a part of me, after all, all my stuff is in there. Personal stuff.

I have now started doing a Facebook check in at church. Then I ask myself, am I doing this to be prideful? While others are out Facebooking at Starbucks or the golf course, do I feel secretly superior for “checking in” at church? It takes a little bit of self-evaluation. On the other hand, I see others check-ins at church and it makes me happy they are there. So maybe they are happy seeing mine as well.

My Mom has the personal opinion that the computer, (and the IPhone) are the Antichrist. She often says that if the computers shut down the whole world would stop. She might be right. I think when we become so dependent on anything that we couldn’t imagine life without it, it’s a problem.

As with everything we do, discretion and moderation is key.

I personally think the church can use technology to its advantage. The question I have to ask myself is, can  I be just as comfortable in the little brown church in the wildwood, as in a modern day church with the big screen and flashing lights and the YouTube videos? Do I need all that?

I think as long as the intent is to bring people closer to Jesus and to each other, it can be a good thing. And if I did go to the little brown church in the wildwood? I have to confess, I would most likely be tempted to whip out my IPhone, take a picture, do a check in and then check to see if they had a website I could “Like”

This morning, I just found out there is a Jesus Facebook page. It has 12,993,870 likes. I had no idea such a thing existed.

What’s your take on all this?

The Joy of Being Found

But Jesus often withdrew to lonely places and prayed. Luke 5:16
Sometimes, when I am in a forest, I like to hide behind a tree and remember what it was like to play hide and seek. The excitement of being found………The years fall away and I hear someone say, “I found you!” We all want the joy of being found, that is, by someone we want to be found by.
Today, try being a kid just for a few minutes. Play a game of hide and seek with someone. For those of you without kids it may be a challenge, but you can do it. Let the adult world fall away for just a moment……
Rediscover the wonder of the world. Hide behind a door and close your eyes. Listen to what’s going on around you, the sounds of your home. And if there is silence, breathe it in and imagine being found. Count to 50 and hear the voice you had as a child, or remember the voice of a childhood friend, brother, sister, cousin.
Then imagine being found by God.
Imagine, He seeks us. All day, everyday. Just like he met Adam and Even in the cool of the evening. He wants us to find Him, and He’s not hiding behind a tree, He’s closer than you can imagine:
From one man he created all the nations throughout the whole earth. He decided beforehand when they should rise and fall, and he determined their boundaries.“His purpose was for the nations to seek after God and perhaps feel their way toward him and find him—though he is not far from any one of us. For in him we live and move and exist. As some of your own poets have said, ‘We are his offspring.’ Acts 17:

My niece loves hide and seek now. Sometimes she forgets the rules, she wants you to hide over and over again, and it doesn’t matter, to her and to me, it’s the joy of the game.
 
I hope I never get so caught up in rules that I lose sight of what God wants me to know. That He loves me, and He loves being found by me, always.
 

How we can still have hope

“Friends, Jesus come down to a place where every last man, woman, and child is living on death row. You’d think the least thing we could do was draw close and comfort each other, but no. Except for a few loved ones, we close the doors of our hearts and bolt them tight on each other.” Frederick Buechner, Listening to Your Life devotional

As born again believers, we have our feet firmly planted in two worlds. This idea of the Kingdom coming to earth was a theme that Jesus spoke about again and again. Everybody always tried to figure out what in the world He was talking about. He said, it is here, it is now. And they scratched their heads, and so do we. Because as we look around we see a world in a state of disrepair…….a world wounded and cursed.

They were probably thinking, “What world is He living in?”

And yet, there is still so much beauty shining through it. We can see glimpses of how God meant it to be in the very beginning when it was unmarred, perfect…..and so were we.

And all around us, people are on their way to one of two places. There are no other choices. This earth is as close to in between as it gets.

The miracle is that, even as we asks ourselves how we can still have hope, even when friends and family scurry like cockroaches when the light is flipped on. We know the answer.

When we look around and everyone we put our hope in has gone and we are as alone as the woman caught in adultery. We wait for the stones to strike our flesh and to our relief, we hear the thud as they strike the ground instead. And then the miraculous part…..Jesus is there. And with a smile in His voice He says, “Where are your accusers?”

We feel her freedom as she walks away, forgiven and on her way to a new life. That same freedom is ours. And that’s why we can still hope. He is here, He is now, and we aren’t in Heaven yet, but we can see the shore.

And even in the halls of the rest home, where the antiseptic rises up to meet us, and we smell the chaser smells after, the ones the soap and cleanser tries to hide. We feel it here too. The hope in the midst of fear……the Heaven in the midst of hell. In that place, in all places, people are on their way to Heaven.

We hear and sing the songs in church, and we remember the times when they were just nice songs. And then we remember when the inner light was flipped on. When the Holy Spirit collided with ours. Now we sing and the words spring to life.

Thankful today, so thankful for the One who never leaves, and the one who keeps count of our deeds Himself……..#922-932

water that refreshes like nothing else does, garden reaching up to sky, quiet talks that unburden souls, new friends, living water that never runs dry, good medical news for my Mom, courage to put one step in front of the other…again, birds in the fountain, safe trip home for Elaine’s brother, sauce made from home grown tomatoes bubbling on the stove.


 

In the wee small hours

Lying in bed, I think, ‘When will it be morning?’ But the night drags on, and I toss till dawn. Job 7:4 NLT

It always amazes me that I can find a Bible verse that applies to each and every situation. I was up once again at 2:00 AM. I was also up yesterday morning at around the same time. I scared Elaine to death because she thought she was being really quiet when she snuck into my bathroom at 2:30 and I said, “What you doing?” She almost jumped out of her skin. She was trying not to wake me but no worries there. She was really trying not to wake her Mom on the other side of the house. You learn with an Alzheimer’s patient, you do anything in the world not to wake them at night.

Elaine has spent many hours awake since her Mom took over her bedroom. She now sleeps in the Arizona room which has walls and a ceiling but not much in the way of insulation. It is like sleeping by the Indianapolis Speedway. People drag up and down the street all hours of the night. She has a radio on at all times to mask the noise and her tinnitus.

I couldn’t believe I was up once again this morning,  tossing and turning. My thoughts were like fireworks going off in my head. The more I thought about getting up at 4, the wider-awake I remained. I prayed…..I recited the 23rd Psalm which usually works like a tonic. Not this time.

I dreamt of that blessed blessed sleep that comes. The Bible calls it “sweet sleep.”

I finally got it at around 3:30. Right before the alarm went off. I got up and started the coffee and layed back down for a few minutes. As I sat blinking, fuzzy-headed, sipping my first cup, the chorus of an old hymn was playing through my mind and it comforted me…….

Jesus is tenderly calling me home
Calling today, calling today
Why from the sunshine of love will thou roam
Farther and farther away?
Calling today, calling today
Jesus is calling, is tenderly calling today.
Jesus is calling the weary to rest
Calling today, calling today
Bring Him thy burden and thou shalt be blessed
He will not turn thee away.
I looked it up just now…….Turns out it is an old Jim Reeves song, lyrics written by Fanny Crosby.


I was thankful once again, that I was raised singing those old hymns…..I love the modern praise songs, but somehow when one of these slips quietly into my mind, I feel a peace like no other.

I think of my heritage, my Grandparents, all my Grandmother’s sisters, and I really feel they are cheering me on from Heaven.

I can do this thing.

Phone Phobia

Me and phones.

I put off calling people, even people I really want to talk to. I don’t know why, I guess because when I analyze it, I automatically assume you are doing something important and I would be an interruption. I don’t know where that comes from, I guess a bit of shyness that has always been part of my character. Leftover from long ago………That, and I can’t see what you are doing. My imagination works overtime. I think how busy you are and the phone ringing would be taking you away from all that. And I can imagine you might think to yourself, “Oh, it’s her.”

My Mom had a brand new friend that she called out of the blue for the first time and the friend said, “What do you want?”  I would have been mortified. Of course, she was joking and they had a good laugh. And my Mom has a very healthy self-image and was unfazed. Now when I call Mom, often she starts the conversation with that same line and we both laugh.

But I want you to know, that if I don’t call you, it’s not because I don’t want to talk to you, or that I am not thinking of you. I do, and I am. And if you called I would be very happy no matter what I was doing. Unless you were trying to sell me something.

I guess that’s why I love texting. I never used to text…..at all. Actually, I didn’t know how, and also, I didn’t have an IPhone. I love texting, I don’t have to worry about interrupting anything. If you text back, that means you want to talk. That opens the door for me to respond back.

But it’s never the same. Hearing your voice is so much better. Especially when I can hear you smile over the phone. I picture your face and imagine where you are calling from…..maybe I see your room or kitchen and picture you in it, and that makes me smile.

Really, phone calls across the miles are magic. Sometimes when I get a special phone call, I remember right where I was standing when I got it.

Don’t ever worry about calling me, whatever I am doing or whatever time it is. It means you want to talk to me, and that means everything.

I will try my best despite my phone phobia, to do the same for you.

What makes us forget our passion?


 Nevertheless I have this against you, that you have left your first love. Revelations 2:4
It was sitting where I left it, on the floor by the chest of drawers in my bedroom. My camera, the one I was so proud and happy to splurge on. The one that has captivated me and made me forget everything…..made me think that maybe I had a spark of talent for this……..
But then it happens. I get discouraged. Thoughts come that I know aren’t right. I go on other sites and sabatoge myself. I think how much better the professionals are, the real photographers. I see how much they can do, and I want to be able to do it too. But that voice whispers thoughts, warped ones. And I listen. Sometimes.
Don’t we all from time to time? Life wears us down and we forget our passion, our first love. That one thing we could always do that made us forget everything else. Or that one special person who could always make us smile, feel fully alive. My brother used to do wonderful woodwork. He could make wood as smooth as glass…….he had the patience for it. Since the divorce, he hasn’t built a thing and it makes me so sad.  
The voice of despondency, and discouragement whispers that it can never be revived again, that it’s not possible. But that voice would be wrong. God can bring new life into anything. Marriages, talents, old friendships long gone, that thing you used to do that brought such passion, such life.
And Jesus said to him, “‘If You can?’ All things are possible to him who believes.”
One thing I know to be true. If you have joy and passion for something, that is a gift from God. And by doing that thing you are honoring Him. Don’t give up, don’t listen to the negative voices that bring death. Choose life.
Pick up that paintbrush, that saw, that drill, that pen……that microphone……that hammer. 
That camera. And do it to the glory of God just for the love of it.  He will absolutely bless it. And He will make you better than you ever thought possible. And you know what, no one can do that thing exactly the way you do it anyway. You bring your own special beauty to it in a way no one else can.
This morning, I listened to my own preaching. I lifted my camera out of the case and apologized to it and to God.
And in the early morning, I sat and clicked. I captured Daddy quail along the wall, and then saw Mom with three chicks. Then the woodpecker came into view, banging on the satelite dish as always…….and then the pigeons got into the act because I had just put out bread…..
By the time I left them to their bread and their bath…...I was alive again.

Everyday Miracles

By your words I can see where I’m going, they throw a beam of light on my dark path. I’ve committed myself and I’ll never turn back from living by your righteous order. Everything’s falling apart on me, God, put me together again with your Word…….Psalm 119:105-107 The Message
I went out to pray at first light…….my coffee and communion, I call it. My favorite part of the day. But I felt somewhat flat, like someone blew out my insides with a straw. But I was okay with that. I have learned not to trust how I feel so much, but to trust God instead. So I waited in the quiet.
Sometimes, in order to get the miracle, you have to go through the obedience part first. It’s kind of like exercise really. I know the more I think about it, the less likely I will do it. But I have an expectation that when I go out, put on the shoes, turn up my Ipod, start walking, I will feel better.
So, still feeling a bit hollow, I did just that. I cranked up the music and felt the air push through my lungs. My feet picked up the pace, hearing the words Casting Crowns were singing…..”Jesus can you show me just how far the east is from the west, cause I can’t bear to see the man I’ve been, keep rising up in me again……in the arms of your mercy I find rest.
And I thought of miracles, and how God has been with me through it all, been with my family, my friends. I can talk of miracles, all right…..and big ones. Like when my Dad was in a prayer meeting and the Holy Spirit wouldn’t let him rest until he went home, and that’s when the phone rang and he got the terrible awful news……
And another time, when my Mom and Dad were in prayer for my sister-in-law who was dying of cancer, praying on their knees in the bedroom, when a snow white dove came to rest on the window sill and it never left, the whole time they were praying. They never saw it again. And she has been with Jesus 14 years now.
And as I pick up my pace even more. I feel it. The miracle…….life pumping into my heart, my soul. The Spirit leaping joy within me as I hear Chris Tomlin sing about how water was turned into wine and He opened the eyes of the blind. And right then, He was opening my eyes too. Faster, and faster I walked, and now ran a bit too.
Our God is greater our God is stronger, God you are higher than any other……There’s no one like You……None like You.
The daily miracle is this, that every day He opens our blind eyes.
The Spirit was bursting joy inside me now.
And then Francesca Battistelli sang……Savior I come, quiet my soul…..remember. Your blood was spilled for my ransom, everything I once held dear, I count it all as loss….Lead me to the Cross where your love poured out. This is it. The everyday miracle that is ours as believers.
I looked up to see a dove with a branch in her mouth and I thought of Noah, waiting for land. This is our inheritance, our history. This right to expect from God is ours every day and that is a miracle in itself!
By the time my walk was over, I didn’t want it to end, so I walked a bit further and thought again of my former Pastor and what he used to say. It’s Jesus plus nothing.
Jesus plus nothing. That is the pure and simple truth. He is everything and in all and through all. I listened as the next song came on. Don’t know how it is you looked at me, and saw the person that I could be…..awakening my heart, breaking through the dark, suddenly Your grace……
Like sunlight burning at midnight, making my life something so beautiful beautiful, mercy reaching to save me…..And as I finished my walk, run…..I was filled to the brim in the knowledge that Jesus is indeed, everything.
He is my Lord, my God, my husband, me being part of the church, my savior, my friend, my all in all. Everything starts and ends with Him.
And it’s all an everyday miracle. Please join me and some special friends, Ann and Duane on their sites to celebrate our faith and count His blessings on a Monday.
Walking and praying with God in the morning, a new job opportunity for Elaine’s nephew and family, being revived in the Spirit, a new garden springing to life, fresh tomatoes on the counter, communion with the Saints yesterday, the joy of seeing life spring from Your word, staying sane, (just barely) dealing someone on a daily basis with a mental illness, projects that keep hands busy and mind neutral, a few days off after a tough week, and last but not least.
I am thankful today for those who continue to risk their lives for our Freedoms which we hold so dear. Keep them safe in Your hands, Lord. #911-921


Songs I listened to today:

Francesca Battistelli: Lead me to the cross, Beautiful Beautiful
Casting Crowns: East to West
Chris Tomlin: Our God
Matt Redman: You Never Let Go