Prayer by Thomas Merton

MY LORD GOD, I have no idea where I am going. I do not see the road ahead of me. I cannot know for certain where it will end. Nor do I really know myself, and the fact that I think that I am following your will does not mean that I am actually doing so. But I believe that the desire to please you does in fact please you. And I hope I have that desire in all that I am doing. I hope that I will never do anything apart from that desire. And I know that if I do this you will lead me by the right road though I may know nothing about it. Therefore will I trust you always though I may seem to be lost and in the shadow of death. I will not fear, for you are ever with me, and you will never leave me to face my perils alone.

From
Through the Year With Thomas Merton

After reading this I realized that this is the way I feel much of the time…..like a ship adrift at sea, not sure where the shore is but knowing nevertheless that it, and God are there. Then suddenly, just when He knows I need it most, the comforting beacon blazes forth, showing me that I was going the right way all along.

A light shines in the darkness and the darkness has not understood it. John 1:5

The Healing at the Pool

John 5
The Healing at the Pool

1 Some time later, Jesus went up to Jerusalem for a feast of the Jews. 2 Now there is in Jerusalem near the Sheep Gate a pool, which in Aramaic is called Bethesda and which is surrounded by five covered colonnades. 3 Here a great number of disabled people used to lie—the blind, the lame, the paralyzed. 5 One who was there had been an invalid for thirty-eight years. 6 When Jesus saw him lying there and learned that he had been in this condition for a long time, he asked him, “Do you want to get well?” 7 “Sir,” the invalid replied, “I have no one to help me into the pool when the water is stirred. While I am trying to get in, someone else goes down ahead of me.” 8 Then Jesus said to him, “Get up! Pick up your mat and walk.” 9 At once the man was cured; he picked up his mat and walked.

Something felt different that day to the paralytic man, some whisper of hope seemed to be stirring on the breeze, rumors of a healer that was passing through. But then, being in his condition for 38 years hope for a healing had long vanished. Too many dreams dashed. Too many crushing disappointments. What a desolate place it was, except for the occasional stirring of the waters. He wasn’t used to this feeling of hope, being much more used to steeling himself against it. He drifted back through the years of lying there, the oppressive heat, the desperate longing to reach the water, sounds of sheep being led out to pasture, the groaning of his suffering companions, the only companions he had now since his family stopped coming. He drifted off to the sound of crowds in the distance, seeming closer now than before. Now it seemed they were surrounding him; was he dreaming or were they real? He surmised that it might be the usual good samaritans wanting to demonstrate their charity to the pitiful sick. He wished they would go away…where were they when he had wanted all those times to reach the cool healing water? He felt a shadow cross his face. He looked up into the most compassionate eyes he had ever seen, and they stabbed at his heart. “Do you want to get well?” The man suddenly knew that this man must be the healer that everyone had been talking about. Who else could have a gaze like this that reached into the very soul? He knew that the question was not just about healing, but something that would affect his life even beyond physical healing, if that were possible. Was he ready to enter into life again? Ready to do whatever it meant to be healed, be whole? To have hope again?

Are we ready? Like the paralytic man at the pool, we have all had dreams dashed, hopes crushed, but take heart. The healer is passing by, “Are you ready to get well?”

God is in control……

Image by Todd Haven

Psalm 8:3-9
When I consider Your heavens, the work of Your fingers,
The moon and the stars, which You have ordained,
What is man that You are mindful of him,
And the son of man that You visit him?
For You have made him a little lower than the angels,
And You have crowned him with glory and honor.

You have made him to have dominion over the works of Your hands;
You have put all things under his feet,
All sheep and oxen—
Even the beasts of the field,
The birds of the air,
And the fish of the sea
That pass through the paths of the seas.

O LORD, our Lord,
How excellent is Your name in all the earth!

Ever have one of those nights? You know the kind, tossing and turning, riddled with worry. All your problems seem magnified and beyond solving, it seems hope is snatched away with the light of day. You feel almost like you are going insane. I have them every now and then…..my Dad had one the other night. He told my Mom he almost woke her up to sit with him awhile. He started praying and meditating and God gave him a picture in his mind of the earth and how it looks from space. Part of us seeming to go about our business on the top of the ball, some on the bottom, yet we are all walking around on flat ground. He thought of this strange dance of the planets, and how if the sun was a fraction closer to earth we would be vaporized in flame, or too far and we would be frozen faster than we could blink.

But it all keeps going; perfectly set in motion by God. Soon he found himself enveloped in a peaceful sleep, sleep that had so eluded him before.

Contrary to popular thought, we will not destroy the planet. God will not let us. He put everything in motion and He will be the one who decides when to stop it.

So next time you are having one of those nights, go outside. Gaze up at the moon, focus on the depth of space, the infinity of the stars, the deep silence that speaks of God. He is there, He is in control, and He is actively seeking you.

Hometown news…..

I am back from my visit with family and friends in Lodi, California. What a great time I had. Here is all the news from the hometown:

Attended my folks 62nd High School reunion, after that we went here:

We sat and listened to Kim Nejak at the Wine and Roses Country Inn lounge play request after request, she was amazing and played everything we threw at her with the most gracious, warm and friendly manner from classical to broadway. Her Uncle came and sat with us too, it was like an old fashioned family reunion. Once Kim found out my Mom sang, she invited her to sit with her at the piano and sing some songs. What a special evening it was. I remember getting married there years ago, and though my husband has been in Heaven 22 years now, the place holds very wonderful memories for me. I am so glad I went. The Inn is doing very well now and has gone through some major renovations over the years, but it has retained its victorian charm while adding beautiful touches of elegance and style. I heartily recommend it to anyone traveling through the Lodi area.

All the kids started school, including my niece Lauryn who proudly had a new uniform and haircut for the special day. We were all worried about her having such a long day and getting back in the routine for school, but PRAYER WORKS because she didn’t even mind when we left the second day. She is usually very resistant to change, but she breezed right through it. (Kind of blurry, click to enlarge)

One night I met up with an old high school friend and we went downtown for Farmer’s Market. We had a great dinner at the Rosewood Grill outside where we watched all the people strolling by, many with their dogs. A band was playing, old friends greeting one another, a very relaxing way to spend a gorgeous summer evening. I actually ran into my Sunday School teacher I had in high school and his wife, what a nice surprize to see them!

I spent some time one day at Lodi Lake, a little lake right in the middle of town that the Mokelumne River feeds into. It has been a hangout since my Mom and Dad were in high school, where teens used to cruise the lake to see and be seen. Nice to know that families are still enjoying it, although the geese are plentiful. You have to watch where you walk and swallowing the water is not a good idea. I had a great time watching Lauryn swim and together we made “sand cakes” on the beach.

I got caught up with everything that is happening on Glenhurst Drive. My folks live in a very unusual neighborhood. The neighbors actually know each other! On summer evenings all the kids are out in front, as well as the parents and grandparents, just like we used to do years ago. Many times they end up in my folks yard because of the swing out front, and the picnic table that my Mom insisted be put in front because as she says, “everyone in America hides out in their backyard.”
Many times an impromtu barbeque will take place, with grills firing up, many times my brother at the helm; other times George or J.P. with all the women bringing sides, desserts and staying out front until after dark laughing and catching up on all that’s going on in the neighborhood.

I never know exactly what time it is at my folks house, because they don’t sync all the clocks. My Mom knows exactly which ones are accurate and she will be quick to tell me! Also, I learned to be careful with my Mom’s dryer. She is the only one I know that has a dryer that doesn’t stop spinning when you open the door. In her words, “I just turn it off when I get the clothes out.” She is the hardest working woman I know, and at 80 years of age, I don’t know of many 60 year olds that could keep up with her. My Dad hardly sits down, and at 81 he is a marvel to all their friends.

He and I got to stroll downtown one day and visit Tom’s Used Books, below. It was a beautiful day, green trees all along the street stirring in the breeze. The downtown area is close to the train tracks, so usually you hear the mournful whistle every half hour or so, trains laden with fruit and other goods from the packing sheds. We escaped with one book apiece. Neither one of us needs another book, but they were cheap so it was justified.

Glenhurst Drive has the same mailman they have had since I can remember. George still walks the route, hand-delivering door to door. If you happen to be outside while he comes by, he will usually stop for a moment and chat being the friendly guy he is. No impersonal gangboxes here; What a novelty…….

And then there is the mystery of the ottoman. Stephanie and her husband had a garage sale for a couple days. They live across the street a few doors down in the house that my brother bought and rents to them. Shelly and J.P. (Stephanie’s parents) live across the street from my Mom and Dad. I noticed an ottoman at the garage sale and it looked antique. Something about it looked vaguely familar, and I thought about buying it. My brother swears up and down it was an ottoman from my Aunt’s house of many years ago. My Mom can’t imagine how they got it, but it didn’t sell, so later on that day, J.P. carried it over to Sandy’s house because she said she would take it. So the ottoman that started out at Shelley’s house, next went to Stephanie’s house, and now is at neighbor Sandy’s house. My Mom is still not sure if it was her sister’s, but my brother is. My Mom is going to ask Sandy about it, so maybe then we will have our answer…..

That is all the news fit to print from Lodi, California where there is a church on just about every corner and the Lodi City Council still opens the sessions by praying in Jesus name, though it may not be for long go here for story.

California to visit family……

My Dad still has dial up, so I won’t be posting anything until I either 1.) Visit the public library, 2.) Visit a friend with faster service. The hamsters are having to run way too fast on this little wheel….

Highlights so far, taking Tyler dog to the beauty salon to get groomed. He had an unfortunate incident with a skunk awhile back, and 6 baths later, he still smelled of skunk. He was extremely nervous going in, but when he came out 5 hours later, he was beautiful and very proud of himself, they even gave him a brand new multicolored bandana.

I got to attend my parents 62nd High School reunion on Saturday afternoon. I was the belle of the ball and got to draw names for prizes, and as luck would have it I drew both Mom and Dad’s names! My Mom won a beautiful king-sized afgan, made by the woman who was sitting at our table. Mom’s cousin Ivan set up his professional karaoke machine and he, my Mom, and a retired minister sang, and we had a 20 song session of name that tune! My Mom used to sing at weddings and talent shows all through high school and beyond and she sounded great! After most of the people went home, we hung back and Mom and I sang together, it was a very special time and I am so glad I made the trip!

Today was niece Lauryn’s first day of school so we were all nervous for her, new school and all, but she got up and headed out just like a trooper and said to Daddy, “Go away,” after she got there so that was a good sign. She has been in special class but this will be her first long school day. A landmark day for her and we will all go and pick her up. Her Auntie got her a “Manny” doll for her first day prize.

I will post more when I get back with pictures………..

Flowers along the path

This was written by my Mom awhile back and I thought it was insightful….

Flowers on my path

Whenever I am walking I see many little or big wildflowers along the path. I think of them as people before receiving Christ.

The small ones you can hardly see. They have been stepped on and forgotten. I recognize them as them as the abused homeless. They are so insignificant in our society that people hardly notice them.

We walk on them, we don’t pick them; they just grow and survive. If you do pick them and put them under a magnifying glass they are very beautiful and you can see all the creativity God has given them.

I can’t help but compare them to people without Jesus. We are all like those little wildflowers along the path until He puts us under His magnifying light of grace.

By Vera Cook

Church Reflections….

During the past year or two I have grieving the loss of my church home. The church I went to is still there, still full, but with two less people in it. I guess you could say it changed direction and I decided I didn’t want to be swept away in its current. It’s all good….they all seem to be happy with the changes, but I just didn’t want to go in the direction they were going. Suffice it to say that each time I have gone back after the “change” I felt like I had just been given a slick presentation and pushed out the door with a side-ways handshake. It always left me a little dazed.

So the other day I was getting ready to go to the church close by my home. I have been going there among other places off and on since Christmas. Honestly, I wasn’t very excited about going. I catch myself “comparing.” Once you have had that ideal “relationship” you can only go down from there.

Once again, God pulled me up short as He has many times before. It happened while I was in the bathroom getting ready; He seems to speak to me more in the bathroom; either that or I just listen better there. He said to my heart, “Just be obedient and go, did I promise that you would be excited every time?” Immediately the joy of the truth flooded in. Okay, I get it Lord!

I had to remember once again that it’s not all about the music, teaching, friends, and all the rest of what I think I need in a church. (Just when did it become all that anyway??) It’s about serving God and serving others! Logically I know this, but I obviously needed to relearn the lesson. Inwardly, I was missing that church “experience.” The warmth, the fellowship, the presence of the Lord, and He was saying, I’m still right here! “Just be obedient and go.”

“Seek ye first the kingdom of God and His righteousness and all these things will be added unto you.” Matt. 6:33

What a wonderful privilege we have to be able to worship God in spirit and truth and have the freedom to do so. How dare I be so flippant and choosy about where I go as long as I get solid Biblical teaching! I am thinking about the persecuted church all over the world right now; some of them giving their very lives for the church.

A wise Pastor friend said in one of his messages not long ago, “We are the church, and we need to be the church to somebody else. We spend so much time trying to get people into the church when maybe we should be going to them. ” (Thank you Will)

Mr. Rogers and God

“I like you just the way you are.” Mr Rogers

We all remember him saying that from his long running, much lampooned children’s program. Those of us with kids in the house for any length of time, that is. We saw a saccarin sweet, soft spoken guy, easy to poke fun at with his sweater and sneakers and wierd characters. But kids loved him. When he said that he loved them just the way they were, they believed him. Kids have a sixth sense about knowing who is genuine and who is not.

We all want someone to love us just as we are, but so much of our lives is spent trying to prove our worth to get that love.

“If I were a better wife, he wouldn’t have left”

“If I were a better daughter, I wouldn’t feel so guilty”

“If I were a better employee, they would keep me”

But God loves us exactly as we are. There is nothing we can do to make Him love us more or less. What a radical idea! Not only do I not have to clean myself up for Him to love me, there is nothing I can do to make myself presentable enough anyway. But there is One who makes intercession for us even now. I pray that you rest in His love today and His provision for your salvation! There is a little song that my niece Lauryn sings along with my Mom and it says, “God loves me, God loves me, in my Bible book it says that God loves me! Put your name in place of “me” and believe it!

We miss you Fred Rogers!