Be still

I called my Mom yesterday. Calling her now is not the same as it was 10 years ago, or 20, because now she is 80 and it has occurred to me many times lately…..what will I do when I can’t call her? I was feeling low yesterday and again, she lifted me up. She says I do the same for her, but I don’t see it. I guess because I am feeling it from the inside out. All week she had been caring for my niece who has been very sick….washing, wiping, taking temperatures, giving medicine, cleaning, more wiping, more laundry. And still encouraging me, still making me laugh.

That is why I posted the powerpoint message today. To remind myself. I pray it blesses you as well. Because we are all distracted. And because I have been worrying more than ever about how much time I have left with my folks. How many more conversations? How many more Christmases, Thanksgivings, Birthdays? The time with them is oh so precious right now.

Each of us has our own valleys that we’re walking through, but thanks be to God….the backdrop of sorrow that we live in has been vanquished forever by His life….death….resurrection. So we can all take heart and have courage! He has passed from death to life, and so will we.

So I emerged this morning from my prayer closet renewed with hope and peace….

“Truly, truly, I say to you, he who hears My word, and believes Him who sent Me, has eternal life, and does not come into judgment, but has passed out of death into life. John 5:24

God moments…..

You know those times when you are just going about your day and you feel an inexplicible feeling of joy? It’s as if for one solitary minute everything is perfectly peaceful…..you pause, and thank God knowing that you must embrace it, and you look up, knowing exactly where it is coming from. I’m talking about the kind of feeling that is not the result really of anything happening, it’s just mysteriously washes over you. A God moment. You realize where it comes from, this small miracle in your day.

James 1:17
17 Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows.

But does God care about the little things that nag at us, those things we wrestle with? Those habits we can’t seem to shake off? Those little circumstances in life that are petty and irritating, but annoy us nonetheless? See, sometimes we feel as if we don’t want to bother God with our little stuff. We feel like He has His eyes focused on those caring for dying AIDs patients in Africa, or the persecued church in China, so He surely wouldn’t bother with what we would think are “small” problems. Oh but He would….If it is a concern to us, His children, then it is a concern to Him as well.

In the parables, Jesus demonstrates that God cares about things like lost coins, lost sheep, a lost son…….And yesterday He cared about my lost earring. You see, I got some very precious earrings for my Birthday and I was on my way to get my hair done. I put the earrings on and went to the bank. When I went to get out of the car, I noticed I was missing one earring. I didn’t have time to go back to the bank, so for 2 hours I fretted about it. (I confess, I prayed about it too)

After the appointment, I went back to the deserted bank and parked where I had parked before, not really expecting to find it. I retraced my steps all across the parking lot and almost turned back at the door, when I saw a little glimmer of gold right at the bottom of the entrance door, stuck in the crack! There it was!

I joyfully cupped in my hands as I danced back to the car. I know that God kept it safe for me, I know God was smiling, I know God cares about lost earrings, because He cares about me!

The firetruck dream

The other night I dreamed I was driving a fire-truck like the one above. Everyone who knows me knows I have strange dreams about driving. Sometimes I am driving on the freeway and I can barely see, like in twilight without my glasses. Sometimes I am driving very tiny little cars with no bottoms, like a pedal car, but on the freeway! Those are pretty neat, I can pick them up and turn them around just like a kiddie car. And then there are the times I am riding in the backseat when I realize I should be driving, and no one is driving or steering the car! I am afraid to look all this up, Freud would have a field day I am sure.

The other night it was a firetruck. I was heading into a town from a lonely country road. I stopped and got out. Everywhere I looked it seemed there was some bedraggled soul that needed some kind of help. Homeless, wandering street people. I saw a church and headed in that direction, feeling like I was guided there. I saw a minister praying for people behind the church. I wandered into the dark, dimly lit building where a service was going on….a little blonde girl who looked about 3 or 4clutched my hand as I walked by. Her hand was gripping mine, and she wasn’t letting go. When I looked closer I saw that she had some kind of deformity in the face, like a cleft palate.

I just wanted to get out of there. I woke up….It seemed that the Holy Spirit was whispering in that quiet way He has, “You were supposed to rescue them.” But I just wanted to leave….it still troubles me 3 days later.

When was the last time I went to a prison to visit someone?

When was the last time I went to visit the sick (someone I didn’t know)?

Matthew 25:34-40

34″Then the King will say to those on his right, ‘Come, you who are blessed by my Father; take your inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world. 35 For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, 36 I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.’

37″Then the righteous will answer him, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? 38 When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? 39 When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?’

40″The King will reply, ‘I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.’

What encourages you?

God’s word encourages me daily, and the loved ones surrounding me encourage me as I see the obstacles they overcome and still remain positive; they inspire me to do the same! The birds encourage me each morning. They never question whether they should sing or not, they just do. They remind me that praising God should come just as naturally to me as singing is to them because he has done great things in my life and He is worthy!

A special little face I am thinking of encourages me too, because I want to be a good role model for her. And voices I have heard from my earliest memories, my parents who weren’t often encouraged themselves, but thought it important that they encouraged their kids….”You’re great….keep going, you can do it. I have faith in you.” Their presence in the crowd of all those choir concerts, and their joy in all my accomplishments!

I am also blessed to have a best friend who is my daily encourager…she is my advocate, the “Gail to my Oprah” or vice-versa. Everyone needs one like her, who speaks the truth in love, one who says in her actions, “I’ve got your back.”

And of course, so many friends through the years that have touched my life with kind words and acts of love. And all my sisters and brothers in the faith who have encouraged me in this journey toward Home. Like lights along my path, sometimes they show the way; and sometimes we walk side by side holding each other up. And to all these wonderful bloggers who encourage me without even knowing it with their beautiful artful blogs, to keep going with my humble beginning blog.

Click this link to see how other wonderful women find encouragement and share your own ideas!

Milestones…..

Many thanks to my best friend for the beautiful cake.

The cake on which broadcasts the number that I can no longer deny. I have been asking myself as this day has drawn near, “How do you feel turning “GASP” dare I say it out loud? FIFTY. Half a century. I have lived more years than I have left (I think) although, that number rests with God. I guess I feel extremely grateful and thankful, to all who have made my life so good, filled it with such beauty and meaning, you all know who you are, and of course God, who breathed the breath of life into me as I entered the world at 3 pounds, 3 ounces and determined that I would live. The words that best describe it are in the opening lines of a song by Andre Crouch, written years ago.

My Tribute

How can I say thanks
For the things You have done for me,
Things so undeserved,
Yet You gave to prove Your love for me.
The voices of a million angels
Could not express my gratitude.
All that I am and ever hope to be,
I owe it all to Thee.

My wish for the next half of my life is that I will love better. Yield to God much more than I do now; instead of constantly wrestling the reigns away from Him who knows what is best for me. To love myself more, see myself as God sees me. To not look into the mirror and see what I want to change, but what I am grateful for! To forgive myself for things long past so that I can be more forgiving to everyone else I meet. To love God more and more, so that that light may shine in me to others.

Lori

Prayer by Thomas Merton

MY LORD GOD, I have no idea where I am going. I do not see the road ahead of me. I cannot know for certain where it will end. Nor do I really know myself, and the fact that I think that I am following your will does not mean that I am actually doing so. But I believe that the desire to please you does in fact please you. And I hope I have that desire in all that I am doing. I hope that I will never do anything apart from that desire. And I know that if I do this you will lead me by the right road though I may know nothing about it. Therefore will I trust you always though I may seem to be lost and in the shadow of death. I will not fear, for you are ever with me, and you will never leave me to face my perils alone.

From
Through the Year With Thomas Merton

After reading this I realized that this is the way I feel much of the time…..like a ship adrift at sea, not sure where the shore is but knowing nevertheless that it, and God are there. Then suddenly, just when He knows I need it most, the comforting beacon blazes forth, showing me that I was going the right way all along.

A light shines in the darkness and the darkness has not understood it. John 1:5

The Healing at the Pool

John 5
The Healing at the Pool

1 Some time later, Jesus went up to Jerusalem for a feast of the Jews. 2 Now there is in Jerusalem near the Sheep Gate a pool, which in Aramaic is called Bethesda and which is surrounded by five covered colonnades. 3 Here a great number of disabled people used to lie—the blind, the lame, the paralyzed. 5 One who was there had been an invalid for thirty-eight years. 6 When Jesus saw him lying there and learned that he had been in this condition for a long time, he asked him, “Do you want to get well?” 7 “Sir,” the invalid replied, “I have no one to help me into the pool when the water is stirred. While I am trying to get in, someone else goes down ahead of me.” 8 Then Jesus said to him, “Get up! Pick up your mat and walk.” 9 At once the man was cured; he picked up his mat and walked.

Something felt different that day to the paralytic man, some whisper of hope seemed to be stirring on the breeze, rumors of a healer that was passing through. But then, being in his condition for 38 years hope for a healing had long vanished. Too many dreams dashed. Too many crushing disappointments. What a desolate place it was, except for the occasional stirring of the waters. He wasn’t used to this feeling of hope, being much more used to steeling himself against it. He drifted back through the years of lying there, the oppressive heat, the desperate longing to reach the water, sounds of sheep being led out to pasture, the groaning of his suffering companions, the only companions he had now since his family stopped coming. He drifted off to the sound of crowds in the distance, seeming closer now than before. Now it seemed they were surrounding him; was he dreaming or were they real? He surmised that it might be the usual good samaritans wanting to demonstrate their charity to the pitiful sick. He wished they would go away…where were they when he had wanted all those times to reach the cool healing water? He felt a shadow cross his face. He looked up into the most compassionate eyes he had ever seen, and they stabbed at his heart. “Do you want to get well?” The man suddenly knew that this man must be the healer that everyone had been talking about. Who else could have a gaze like this that reached into the very soul? He knew that the question was not just about healing, but something that would affect his life even beyond physical healing, if that were possible. Was he ready to enter into life again? Ready to do whatever it meant to be healed, be whole? To have hope again?

Are we ready? Like the paralytic man at the pool, we have all had dreams dashed, hopes crushed, but take heart. The healer is passing by, “Are you ready to get well?”

God is in control……

Image by Todd Haven

Psalm 8:3-9
When I consider Your heavens, the work of Your fingers,
The moon and the stars, which You have ordained,
What is man that You are mindful of him,
And the son of man that You visit him?
For You have made him a little lower than the angels,
And You have crowned him with glory and honor.

You have made him to have dominion over the works of Your hands;
You have put all things under his feet,
All sheep and oxen—
Even the beasts of the field,
The birds of the air,
And the fish of the sea
That pass through the paths of the seas.

O LORD, our Lord,
How excellent is Your name in all the earth!

Ever have one of those nights? You know the kind, tossing and turning, riddled with worry. All your problems seem magnified and beyond solving, it seems hope is snatched away with the light of day. You feel almost like you are going insane. I have them every now and then…..my Dad had one the other night. He told my Mom he almost woke her up to sit with him awhile. He started praying and meditating and God gave him a picture in his mind of the earth and how it looks from space. Part of us seeming to go about our business on the top of the ball, some on the bottom, yet we are all walking around on flat ground. He thought of this strange dance of the planets, and how if the sun was a fraction closer to earth we would be vaporized in flame, or too far and we would be frozen faster than we could blink.

But it all keeps going; perfectly set in motion by God. Soon he found himself enveloped in a peaceful sleep, sleep that had so eluded him before.

Contrary to popular thought, we will not destroy the planet. God will not let us. He put everything in motion and He will be the one who decides when to stop it.

So next time you are having one of those nights, go outside. Gaze up at the moon, focus on the depth of space, the infinity of the stars, the deep silence that speaks of God. He is there, He is in control, and He is actively seeking you.

Hometown news…..

I am back from my visit with family and friends in Lodi, California. What a great time I had. Here is all the news from the hometown:

Attended my folks 62nd High School reunion, after that we went here:

We sat and listened to Kim Nejak at the Wine and Roses Country Inn lounge play request after request, she was amazing and played everything we threw at her with the most gracious, warm and friendly manner from classical to broadway. Her Uncle came and sat with us too, it was like an old fashioned family reunion. Once Kim found out my Mom sang, she invited her to sit with her at the piano and sing some songs. What a special evening it was. I remember getting married there years ago, and though my husband has been in Heaven 22 years now, the place holds very wonderful memories for me. I am so glad I went. The Inn is doing very well now and has gone through some major renovations over the years, but it has retained its victorian charm while adding beautiful touches of elegance and style. I heartily recommend it to anyone traveling through the Lodi area.

All the kids started school, including my niece Lauryn who proudly had a new uniform and haircut for the special day. We were all worried about her having such a long day and getting back in the routine for school, but PRAYER WORKS because she didn’t even mind when we left the second day. She is usually very resistant to change, but she breezed right through it. (Kind of blurry, click to enlarge)

One night I met up with an old high school friend and we went downtown for Farmer’s Market. We had a great dinner at the Rosewood Grill outside where we watched all the people strolling by, many with their dogs. A band was playing, old friends greeting one another, a very relaxing way to spend a gorgeous summer evening. I actually ran into my Sunday School teacher I had in high school and his wife, what a nice surprize to see them!

I spent some time one day at Lodi Lake, a little lake right in the middle of town that the Mokelumne River feeds into. It has been a hangout since my Mom and Dad were in high school, where teens used to cruise the lake to see and be seen. Nice to know that families are still enjoying it, although the geese are plentiful. You have to watch where you walk and swallowing the water is not a good idea. I had a great time watching Lauryn swim and together we made “sand cakes” on the beach.

I got caught up with everything that is happening on Glenhurst Drive. My folks live in a very unusual neighborhood. The neighbors actually know each other! On summer evenings all the kids are out in front, as well as the parents and grandparents, just like we used to do years ago. Many times they end up in my folks yard because of the swing out front, and the picnic table that my Mom insisted be put in front because as she says, “everyone in America hides out in their backyard.”
Many times an impromtu barbeque will take place, with grills firing up, many times my brother at the helm; other times George or J.P. with all the women bringing sides, desserts and staying out front until after dark laughing and catching up on all that’s going on in the neighborhood.

I never know exactly what time it is at my folks house, because they don’t sync all the clocks. My Mom knows exactly which ones are accurate and she will be quick to tell me! Also, I learned to be careful with my Mom’s dryer. She is the only one I know that has a dryer that doesn’t stop spinning when you open the door. In her words, “I just turn it off when I get the clothes out.” She is the hardest working woman I know, and at 80 years of age, I don’t know of many 60 year olds that could keep up with her. My Dad hardly sits down, and at 81 he is a marvel to all their friends.

He and I got to stroll downtown one day and visit Tom’s Used Books, below. It was a beautiful day, green trees all along the street stirring in the breeze. The downtown area is close to the train tracks, so usually you hear the mournful whistle every half hour or so, trains laden with fruit and other goods from the packing sheds. We escaped with one book apiece. Neither one of us needs another book, but they were cheap so it was justified.

Glenhurst Drive has the same mailman they have had since I can remember. George still walks the route, hand-delivering door to door. If you happen to be outside while he comes by, he will usually stop for a moment and chat being the friendly guy he is. No impersonal gangboxes here; What a novelty…….

And then there is the mystery of the ottoman. Stephanie and her husband had a garage sale for a couple days. They live across the street a few doors down in the house that my brother bought and rents to them. Shelly and J.P. (Stephanie’s parents) live across the street from my Mom and Dad. I noticed an ottoman at the garage sale and it looked antique. Something about it looked vaguely familar, and I thought about buying it. My brother swears up and down it was an ottoman from my Aunt’s house of many years ago. My Mom can’t imagine how they got it, but it didn’t sell, so later on that day, J.P. carried it over to Sandy’s house because she said she would take it. So the ottoman that started out at Shelley’s house, next went to Stephanie’s house, and now is at neighbor Sandy’s house. My Mom is still not sure if it was her sister’s, but my brother is. My Mom is going to ask Sandy about it, so maybe then we will have our answer…..

That is all the news fit to print from Lodi, California where there is a church on just about every corner and the Lodi City Council still opens the sessions by praying in Jesus name, though it may not be for long go here for story.