Reflection

Home Again

“God saved you by his grace when you believed. And you can’t take credit for this; it is a gift from God.” Ephesians 2:8 NLT 
I am back home in Arizona after a treasured time with my family. I needed to be there and my presence was so appreciated, but also missed back here. Elaine had to take her Mom in to the hospital after a bout with the flu. She came home Christmas Eve, but has been nursing her ever since. Getting someone with Alzheimer’s to eat is a challenge all by itself, but when you throw in other factors it makes it much more difficult.
Goodbyes on both ends are always difficult, and I look forward to the day when all goodbyes will be over for good. This is the rejoicing part of what we celebrate at Christmas. Once again, I am enjoying the after Christmas quiet.
I used to feel depressed the day or two after…..it was all such a let down, after all. But as I have gotten older, I have realized the value of the days after. The joy that comes when you realize that for Christians, the most important part of Christmas, the part we celebrate, never ends!
It doesn’t mean that we won’t have difficulty, but it does mean that He is still and always, God with Us. That is the hope that keeps us going in and through it all.
It is always good to see family and friends you haven’t seen in awhile, and I did both back home. There were a few mishaps that I am sure we will look back on and laugh….
I gave my brother a recipe for Prime Rib in salt but forgot the operative ingredient (water) that would have made a paste. Instead he spent hours trying to mix flour, salt, and an egg into something that would stick to a piece of meat. It turned out wonderful anyway…..
I also watered the plant on the front porch not thinking of how my Dad’s compulsive worrying about the house would affect things. You see, the water there doesn’t evaporate like the desert, it stays around for days. He thought there was a water leak under the house and proceeded to go crawling around under there with a flashlight. It was only after the fact he asked if anyone had watered the plant by the porch.
He said, “Hallelujah, thank God!” when I told him I had.
Who knew my innocent watering of a plant would set such things in motion?
I have missed you all my friends, hope you had a safe and happy Christmas! It’s good to be back in touch……


Pockets of peace

Sometimes you just have to pull over to the side of the road…..find a little out of the way place and hide out for a spell. Especially at this time of year. It gets pretty crazy. The more people around me speed up, the more I want to slow down. I do this every year. I wear myself out. Not with buying, with doing…..

And this year, I haven’t been able to make any plans because I still don’t know if I can take the week of Christmas off. It makes it very difficult, expecially when you have to schedule flights. I don’t do well with last minute. I want to plan, schedule. Finalize.

This has been an up in the air year. Ever feel like your life is in a holding pattern? Like you’re flying around and around, waiting for the control tower to give you clearance to land but they never do?

I surprised myself the other day, when I realized that God is teaching me something through all this. He is helping me get better with this feeling of being out of control.

He has brought little pockets of peace in the chaos, here and there. Times of enjoyment…..laughter….and we thank God for them, every one.

It is really a relief when you finally let go.

You realize that there is peace to be found in that holding pattern above the clouds.

Lost and found peace.

“When I consider your heavens, the work of your fingers, the moon and the stars, which you have set in place, what are mere mortals that you are mindful of them, human beings that you care for them?” Psalm 8:3,4
that you care for me?

 

Yesterday was a no good, terrible bad day for me. I wanted nothing more than to go back home, tuck myself into a warm corner and pet my cats.
I wasn’t getting any warm fuzzies from my work atmosphere. It was several things.
We found out the day before that someone from my group went out on a medical leave. That means I may have to work Christmas week. The week I planned to take off. The week I sacrificed my Thanksgiving for.
So right now I can’t really plan anything until I find out.
I was irritable all day. I didn’t want to be at work, or really be anywhere but home. Then about midshift as we were recovering from something else, we lost pressure in the factory. When that happens, my hyper-sensitive multimillion dollar tools log themselves down. I saw red on all 3 of my computer screens…….instantaneously.
In our world, as in most of the rest of the world, green is good, red means trouble.
Some days it seems nothing is settled. It is as if everything is suspended…..hanging in the balance. Unsettled.
That is how I felt yesterday, like someone snatched my peace away and I really wanted it back.
Despite how I was feeling…..I had to notice how beautifully the moon was peeking out from the clouds. It was like we were playing hide and seek all the way to my parking lot. It was yellow and full, and as always, it inspired reflection……What is it about the moon that does that for me?
Always awe, with a bit of melancholy thrown in. And always hope.
You can’t stare at the sun for long, but the moon invites us to gaze long.
The sun blares forth it intentions…..to give light, and warmth. While the moon does more….she flirts and makes us fall in love. So quietly she comes out that at times we might even forget she is there, but then how stunningly she makes us remember! 
The moon brought me to work and reminded me that God is still in control even when nothing else is.
And this morning I was reminded again as I crossed the parking lot. As I glanced across the parking lot at the tallest crane in the Western hemisphere, where our new factory is being built, there she was again.
Peeking out through the bend in the crane, high up in the sky.
Reminding me that we can build our buildings and make billions of dollars but we can’t place the moon just so in the sky.
That’s control, that’s God!  

Walnuts and other stuff

I have a thing for walnuts. I can hardly walk by the walnut bin at the grocery store without digging in with both hands. I love how they sound and the texture. I know I would love how they smell too, but due to a genetic weakness inherited from my Grandfather, I have never been able to smell. That’s just one more thing in a long list that will get fixed in Heaven.
I had a walnut adventure yesterday, well the cats and I did.
It all started with a package of store-bought cookies. They were mexican wedding cookies, the ones that I decided I wasn’t going to make this year. They were okay. In fact, I am ashamed to say, I ate every single one of them. But they were nothing like mine. Now I had an unrequitted craving that wasn’t about to go away. I had no choice but to make them.  
I had pecans but I really wanted walnuts. My funny friend knows about my walnut fetish so last Christmas she gave me a sack in the shell, and they were still there in the cupboard. I dug out my nutcracker from wayyyy under the cabinet, since now I mostly buy nuts that Costco has already cracked and packaged very nicely.  It was too cold to go outside so I spread a sheet in my room and let the shells fly!
The cats thought it was a great adventure. They interrupted their morning naps and sprang off the bed like kittens: “What have we here? We don’t recognize this thing you are doing on our floor.” Somehow a rogue pecan had made its way into the bag so I rolled it their way. They batted it back and forth, but then Sydney smelled food like substance coming from the cracked nuts, so he stayed close by. His begging could put any dog to shame.
It was great fun. It only took me about 20 minutes and I had a nice little pile. I was surprised how I remembered some things. My Mom and I cracking walnuts on the cold garage floor on fall days. And going out to my Aunt’s little country house and picking them off her trees. I closed my eyes and heard the sounds, the voices…..it seemed so far away.
I heard the squawking of the blue jays, and the flutter of their wings as they swooped down. I remembered the brick wall in her kitchen and how she had See’s candy in the fridge. And how her sunny yellow bathroom curtains had fuzzy balls on the ends that I liked to touch.
And I remember all those years of Christmas baking and all the smiles of joy as they got their basket of homemade goodies. All of the trips to the store for a forgotten ingredient. And it surprised me how memories of those walnuts hurt. Hurt for those years gone and that they went so fast.
But there is more to be thankful for…….I still have my Mom, and I still have my Aunt. Though many years have passed, there is hope in every moment we all have right now, together.
This morning I broke the rules. I didn’t eat a sensible breakfast, I had two Mexican Wedding cookies with my coffee at 4:30 AM, and they were just as good as I thought they would be.
I have not one regret.

Joy in the morning

As dawn colored the sky this morning, I couldn’t help but think that God knew that we would need such a greeting to start the day, and close it too.
Through all the worrying that goes on after dark,
all the tossing and turning.
The mulling over of everything we should have done….
or have left to do.
This I pray for all of us today.
That in all the rushing around of this season,
that we treasure each other and the time we have together.
Help us to have open and honest conversations….
not rushed.
Conversations that bring light and healing to hearts and ears.
Help us bring relief in our actions and a presence of calm.
Help us to be eager to bring relief to anxious and weary eyes.
Help us Lord, to enjoy each other’s company, knowing that though the river
of time never stops…..
That rather than just swimming furiously
or allowing it to carry us swiftly downstream,
we can stop and sit on the shore
for awhile.
Shoulder to shoulder,
quietly watching the beauty of it
flow by.
Thank you Lord for the joy that came yesterday as we decorated the house.
It shimmers with You!
Amen

With a Grateful Heart

I would maintain that thanks are the highest form of thought, and that gratitude is happiness doubled by wonder…G.K. Chesterton

Because of my dear sister in law who lost her battle with cancer, (but won the war, for she waits for us in Heaven) I always give thanks for my health. This morning something reminded me of a bad flu I had and I realized that there are many this Thanksgiving who would give anything to feel good.
I can’t imagine waking up day after day feeling sick, but there are many who do. I thought this the other day on my walk/run. The air was clear and cold. That particular day I felt like I needed to hear life and not the IPOD. Sometimes you just have to. I felt the blast of cold air through my nose, the tingle that makes the nose run…..I felt my lungs about to burst, pushing air through, my heart beating faster and faster.
It was life and life was good.
And I am so thankful for things and people who are life-givers and not life-takers. People who are quick to laugh, to bolster me up with their faith, who speak life and joy. Who build up and not tear down…..how I thank God for you!
I am thankful for the Christian music that uplifts……turns me towards God and makes me lift my hands, my heart, my eyes towards Him.
And I am thankful for realizing that despite some fleeting thoughts earlier this month, I could never pass the holidays by. For the first time in my life though, I do understand those who fly far away, or at least want to. And then the thought, maybe that was a gift too, because I didn’t understand before. 
With people living in different places, it seems like someone close is always getting left behind. I was tired of the heartache. I still am. I don’t want to wait for Heaven to have everyone in one place, my heart rebels against it. And then there is work. I always have to pick which holiday I want off. But then my heart wells with thanks because I have a choice, and a job. So many right now don’t.
Thankfulness bloomed then in my heart and I realized that I could never really be one of those that ignored Thanksgiving or passed on Christmas. They are lodged too deep in my heart and I can’t let either one pass without a celebration, for there is so much to celebrate and be thankful for this year……
as every year by God’s wonderful grace.
Also, be sure to check out my new blog, Lori’s Views. It’s more photos and less words. I am really excited about it!  I am still tweaking things up a bit so thank you in advance for your patience…. 
image of cabin  from google images

It Takes a Village (of Old Ladies)

I am the fire upon the hearth,
I am the light of the good sun,
I am the heat that warms the earth,
Which else were colder than a stone.
Taken from the poem, “Any Woman” by Katherine Tynan
It was a rose of the Grandiflora variety……Love is the name of it. That was all it took to spark a memory of a special lady named Marie Day. And she was…..like day I mean. She gave our family one of these beautiful rose bushes….she had a passion for roses. It bloomed for years…..a creamy pinkie white in the inside with flaming red on the outside.
She did other things too. Special things for me and my Mom. She knew I loved lace, and that I loved to put clothes on my furniture. She made me the most wonderful embroidered dresser scarves. And pillowcases with colorful flowers. For me, the girl across the block. And she made the greatest zucchini bread. She was a sweetheart. She and her husband were fixtures in our neighborhood.

We have all grown up with them. These venerable and wise elderly ladies of our neighborhoods, our villages. Church ladies and non-church ladies….you know the ones. They save pennies in a sock to give to the needy in the community. They hold down the fort, the neighborhood, the pew. They are pillars. Pillars of strength to their families whom they have given their lives, and not in misery….in joy. Their strength is knowing they have made others bloom.

They are tireless and work circles around everyone else. They fall into bed exhausted and sometimes they cry at night from carrying the weight of the world…….but only late at night when everyone else has been fed, comforted, fixed.

Then there was our neighbor Alma Nystrom. She also grew roses and the most wonderful pink Azaleas and Gladiolas, towers of color. She loved when I went over and picked some. She baked the best scratch cakes I have ever tasted. And every year………Fluffy white pillows on a plate, the best Divinity I have ever tasted. I think of her every year I make it.

I will never forget the horror when our dog decided to lift his leg on her once when she was standing in the yard. I don’t even remember her getting upset about it. Maybe she never noticed?

She had her grief…..lost her only son to diabetes too young, and that was after his wife left him. She was a part of our lives for a long time. Her sisters would come up the drive like a mini parade before they all went to church together, all looking like they just walked out of a style magazine. Then they would all come back and settle in Alma’s kitchen for a small glass of beer and lunch.

My Aunt had Mrs.Swall next door. She always had a cat settled on her lap and what impressed me the most? Candy hidden in her dresser.

All of them dear…..all of them gone. I miss them. so much.

One day I hope to grow into one of those gracious and kind ladies. I have much to live up to.

The LORD is my light and my salvation;Whom shall I fear? The LORD is the strength of my life; Of whom shall I be afraid? Psalm 21:1

 
Sometimes when words are few…..
A few pictures say some things in a different way……

A stroll around back can give a different perspective…..
A look above can make the heart sigh……
when words are few.
Lately I have found words difficult. They are all swirling around inside me but none will come out the right way. Be still, says the Lord…..And wait on Him. So until He brings the words, waiting is what I am doing.
Maybe we can wait together?
I would have lost heart, unless I had believed That I would see the goodness of the LORD In the land of the living.Wait on the LORD: be of good courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart: wait, I say, on the LORD. Psalm 27:13,14

The God Who Sees

“Then she called the name of the Lord who spoke to her, “You are a God who sees”; for she said, “Have I even remained alive here after seeing Him?” Genesis 16:13

El Roi…..The God who sees. One of the names of God. Isn’t it wonderful that we have a God who sees us? Who notices what we do?

We all want to be seen……be noticed. Even nature commands our attention……..

It invites us to look…..deeper. And it always points toward its Maker………the Grand Designer of us all.

Our God is the God who has searched us and known us……just as we want to be searched and known by others…..especially the ones we love.

Something in us wants to be remembered……..and we want others to remember the ones we have loved……even little cats spelled with a “K”

Few words this week folks…….one of those “treading water” weeks.

As timing would have it I came down with a killer cold the day before I got a new trainee at work. So I have been drugged up with Dayquil and fortified with Vitamin C during the day, and knocked out at night so I can sleep and get up by 4 am.

Two more days to go……God is good. He has kept me going. I can almost see the end of the week in sight.

Prayers please for my caregiving friend who just may head off to parts unknown really soon if she doesn’t get some relief……

all pics taken in and around Payson, Arizona by me

Eight Words

Since you have purified your souls in obeying the truth through the Spirit in sincere love of the brethren, love one another fervently with a pure heart, having been born again, not of corruptible seed but incorruptible, through the word of God which lives and abides forever, because……..  
      All flesh is as grass,
And all the glory of man as the flower of the grass.
The grass withers,
And its flower falls away,
But the word of the LORD endures forever.”
1 Peter 1:

I have felt out of words lately…..and that’s okay because sometimes you just like drinking things in.

There is a time for contemplating….watching……listening……absorbing.

There is a season for that as well as writing. After all, before the writing comes the feeling. So, this morning I thought since I had none of my own words, I would go to God’s word.

And somehow, that seemed to set things in motion.

The Word brings the life, and the life gives birth to words.

God stirred my heart up and I saw people around me differently. Sometimes I need my eyes opened. Well, most of the time I do.

I went to get gas and drive my car through the wash. For some reason when I got gas it didn’t give me the option of getting a wash so I went inside. The nice gal I see in there all the time was busily working away. I always notice how helpful she is. I explained the situation……and as usual she was very accommodating. We talked and joked, and I went to get my wash.

While the soap suds were flowing down my window……..God kept bringing her to my mind.

The Spirit said, you should let her know that you appreciate her….that she is doing a good job. I said, I will tell her next time.

He said, maybe she needs it today.

I went back in. I let her know that what she does is noticed……appreciated.

As I was drying my car I saw a man coming out of the store. He smiled sheepishly, as if he wanted to be friendly……once on the way in the store and once on the way out….I think he wanted to say something nice. But I got the feeling that maybe he didn’t know if it would be appropriate. Men have to worry about that now. About how we might take it, I guess. I gave a smile back.

He was driving a cement truck. Just a hard working guy on his way to a job. Not an easy job either. He touched me. It touches me how he is part of me, part of our country. How we are all part of each other when it comes right down to it.

Maybe I am feeling a bit protective of our country lately. It seems almost popular to beat up on America….at least it seems that way to me. We are all just doing the best we can here. Dealing with prices going up on just about everything we buy.

But we won’t give up. We will keep going, keep trying. We will do the best we can……..Because it’s the right thing to do. Because giving up is not what America has ever been about.  

So tomorrow I may get impatient and suck in my breath at how others drive on the freeway, but right now I love everyone. And I think it all started when His word sparked a fire that leapt to life with these eight words:

Love one another fervently with a pure heart.