Reflection

Incredibly Loud and Extremely Close

I don’t often recommend movies, but sometimes Hollywood messes up and does something right. I know the critics weren’t kind to this movie, but I loved it. I usually go straight to Christianity Today for my movie reviews and most of the time I agree with their reviewer. They aren’t biased and even if a film has an R rating they will rate it honestly by the film’s  creative merits with a full warning about what you might be offended at.

I sometimes think we have forgotten all about what happened on 9/11, that “Worst Day” as the film’s lead character describes it. What I most love about this film is how the story weaves this one boy’s struggle to cope with the lost of his father with all the other characters throughout the film. We get lost in his journey to hang onto his Dad by trying to search all over New York for something he felt his Dad wanted him to find.

In his search, we find out that what we all need is a little healing. Everyone he meets along the way, he finds, has lost something, and most of them embrace his search. We see our own healing, our own journey, and we remember the healing that our country went through back then.

This movie made me remember what is most important……we all need each other. We are all on a journey of healing of some kind, and we are rooting for this boy to find his all the way through the movie.

And another thought…..what would it be like if we all stopped to turn and give that healing to one another.

We are smart, but God’s smarter

We do things in this building, and all others on our campus….fantastical things. Things never thought possible even 60 years ago. We create all sorts of wild imaginings and then put them into form. We think, “what if…..” And then we do it. That is, at least the creative brains do that. I am just a small cog in the wheel of technology….but I do my part.

And it all changes and grows so fast, that by the time a new process comes out, it is already outdated….
Considered obsolete.

People are creators because God made us that way….

All of us have that God spark that seeks to create because He put it in us.

But, with all this human achievement and rushing around, what we call progress; we still can’t even come close to making a moon or setting the stars in place.

Or calming the sea with a word.

We aren’t so smart…….
And as long as we have been alive, there is a danger, a temptation in worshiping that “created thing” instead of the One who put it all in motion to begin with. “And they exchanged the truth of God for a lie, and worshiped and served created things rather than the Creator–who is forever praised. Amen.” Romans 1:25
Don’t get me wrong, I love technology! It has been my bread and butter for 16 years now and the industry has treated me well. I don’t feel as my Mom does, that computers are the Antichrist. But ever since the golden calf and before that, we have been tempted to put things in place of God.
The idols may change over the centuries, but the temptation is the same.
This whole train of thought started with the radio this morning. There was a discussion about our gadgets. The female commentator had left her IPhone home and was feeling a bit lost. I can relate to that. I never felt that way about a phone before I got mine. She further stated a quote attributed to Steve Jobs that said something like:
“When people can put their wedding pictures on their phone, they will be emotionally attached.” Or something like that.
She was saying that it troubled her a bit that she felt an emotion, an attachment, like something was missing because she didn’t have her phone. I can relate. I am ashamed to say I feel the same way.
She said all her friends were having a great time playing “Words with Friends.” She didn’t start it. She didn’t want to feel like she had to respond every time the phone dinged.
Well, I succumbed.
I started……I am addicted. And now I have to go.
It’s my move.
Maybe it’s time for a gadget fast.
Just after I play this word.

Next time I’ll sing

Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, teaching and admonishing one another in all wisdom, singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, with thankfulness in your hearts to God. Colossians 3:16

As far back as I can remember, the sound of my Mom’s singing is woven into the background of my memories. I have talked about it before somewhere in earlier posts. Can you imagine how it must have been to hear her wonderful Soprano drifing through the windows as I walked up the driveway from school?

Of course, I didn’t appreciate it then, not nearly as much as I do now.

Last time I was back home she started singing in the car and I really wanted to sing along. The words were right on the edge….oh, I knew them, all right.  But something stopped me and I don’t even know what. Who knows, maybe someone was in the car and I was self-conscious. And ever since I got home it has bothered me that I didn’t join in. She was singing an old song…….maybe you know it.

“This world is not my home, I’m just a passin through
If Heaven’s not my home, then Lord what will I do?
The angels beckon me from Heaven’s open door
and I don’t feel at home in this world anymore….”
She stopped singing and asked me, “Do you know that song?” I said, “Yes, of course.” Memories washed over me when she said that. We used to all get together and sing these songs and many others. Hour were spent, singing and laughing. No one cared how anyone else sounded, but really, I can remember it sounding pretty good. It sounded like joy.
I was ashamed at myself for not singing with her, for not joining in.
For not keeping the memory alive with her.
She said, “Why didn’t you sing?”
Indeed. I wish I had.
I know there will come a day when I won’t be able to sing with her, and it will make me sad beyond words. Sad that I didn’t sing with her every chance I got. But that time is, thankfully, not yet.
It strikes me that I may be the last generation to know those songs. Kids today know many things, they know Miley, and Justin…….
and Beyonce, and JLo….but they don’t know these songs about Heaven.
And it’s wrong to let them die, just because it may not be “cool” to sing them.
So the next time Mom, I will join you.
I will sing.

The blessings of small town living

I knew I had seen her before, I thought….”Could it be?” As they sang, I was convinced. Her posture was just the same, and her expressions. It was one of my high school gym teachers there before me, one member of a female barbershop quartet singing Christmas carols as part of the special music at the Christian Women’s Club event we were attending.

They regularly share their gift of song to local churches and nursing homes. How they must love it when they come….

As they finished their performance, which everyone loved, they went into the foyer and were chatting away quietly amongst themselves when I realized I just had to go talk to her before she left. I walked up and she beamed……I said, “I just wanted to introduce myself, I had you for gym, Tokay High.” Imagine my surprise when she popped right back, “Lori Cook,” she said with a smile. Mind you, it has been 34 years since I wore that ugly orange gym suit. “Wow,” I said flabbergasted, “You are good!”

When we were in High School she was single, but before we graduated she married a coach. It was all very romantic to us girls back then. Ann Ganzer became Ann Braden. I remember one specific day we were all in a circle and she put this funky music on. We were supposed to be learning folk dancing. We were changing all the words, and laughing hysterically. And she scolded us for it.

As I sat back down, my Aunt mentioned that her husband had been in her Graduating class in High School. Such a small world.

There was another lady at our table who I was also trying to place. Then my Mom introduced us….”Ah, Gladys Fever!” We were in choir together at Temple Baptist Church. She was always in a different section, being a tall Soprano. As a short Alto, I was always placed at the end parallel to Marge Jones, the shortest Soprano.

The last time I was back in Lodi, I ran into my Sixth Grade teacher. She knew me too! Before I flatter myself too much I remember that they all know my family and have kept in touch over the years, going to the same grocery stores and running into one another in town.

There is something to this connectedness. I think everyone needs a place where they have been known, and known a long time. It keeps you a bit grounded. Going back is good.

And going forward is very good.

Happy New Year! 2012

The Afterglow

So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal. 2 Corinthians 4:16-18

As years go by I am appreciating more and more, those winding down days after Christmas…….as the activity wanes, the afterglow remains. I still play Christmas music for a few days more…..and reflect on what just passed, and what still  remains of the current year.

I realize that I need not release anything of the magic, for Christ is with us still.

And we have the hope of knowing that whatever happens in the coming year, His precious Holy Spirit strives with us, anticipating every step we take.

Bask in the Father’s love today, for I really believe He loves us more than we know.

Without condition.

“The Lord your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing.” Zephaniah 3:17

Home Again

“God saved you by his grace when you believed. And you can’t take credit for this; it is a gift from God.” Ephesians 2:8 NLT 
I am back home in Arizona after a treasured time with my family. I needed to be there and my presence was so appreciated, but also missed back here. Elaine had to take her Mom in to the hospital after a bout with the flu. She came home Christmas Eve, but has been nursing her ever since. Getting someone with Alzheimer’s to eat is a challenge all by itself, but when you throw in other factors it makes it much more difficult.
Goodbyes on both ends are always difficult, and I look forward to the day when all goodbyes will be over for good. This is the rejoicing part of what we celebrate at Christmas. Once again, I am enjoying the after Christmas quiet.
I used to feel depressed the day or two after…..it was all such a let down, after all. But as I have gotten older, I have realized the value of the days after. The joy that comes when you realize that for Christians, the most important part of Christmas, the part we celebrate, never ends!
It doesn’t mean that we won’t have difficulty, but it does mean that He is still and always, God with Us. That is the hope that keeps us going in and through it all.
It is always good to see family and friends you haven’t seen in awhile, and I did both back home. There were a few mishaps that I am sure we will look back on and laugh….
I gave my brother a recipe for Prime Rib in salt but forgot the operative ingredient (water) that would have made a paste. Instead he spent hours trying to mix flour, salt, and an egg into something that would stick to a piece of meat. It turned out wonderful anyway…..
I also watered the plant on the front porch not thinking of how my Dad’s compulsive worrying about the house would affect things. You see, the water there doesn’t evaporate like the desert, it stays around for days. He thought there was a water leak under the house and proceeded to go crawling around under there with a flashlight. It was only after the fact he asked if anyone had watered the plant by the porch.
He said, “Hallelujah, thank God!” when I told him I had.
Who knew my innocent watering of a plant would set such things in motion?
I have missed you all my friends, hope you had a safe and happy Christmas! It’s good to be back in touch……


Pockets of peace

Sometimes you just have to pull over to the side of the road…..find a little out of the way place and hide out for a spell. Especially at this time of year. It gets pretty crazy. The more people around me speed up, the more I want to slow down. I do this every year. I wear myself out. Not with buying, with doing…..

And this year, I haven’t been able to make any plans because I still don’t know if I can take the week of Christmas off. It makes it very difficult, expecially when you have to schedule flights. I don’t do well with last minute. I want to plan, schedule. Finalize.

This has been an up in the air year. Ever feel like your life is in a holding pattern? Like you’re flying around and around, waiting for the control tower to give you clearance to land but they never do?

I surprised myself the other day, when I realized that God is teaching me something through all this. He is helping me get better with this feeling of being out of control.

He has brought little pockets of peace in the chaos, here and there. Times of enjoyment…..laughter….and we thank God for them, every one.

It is really a relief when you finally let go.

You realize that there is peace to be found in that holding pattern above the clouds.

Lost and found peace.

“When I consider your heavens, the work of your fingers, the moon and the stars, which you have set in place, what are mere mortals that you are mindful of them, human beings that you care for them?” Psalm 8:3,4
that you care for me?

 

Yesterday was a no good, terrible bad day for me. I wanted nothing more than to go back home, tuck myself into a warm corner and pet my cats.
I wasn’t getting any warm fuzzies from my work atmosphere. It was several things.
We found out the day before that someone from my group went out on a medical leave. That means I may have to work Christmas week. The week I planned to take off. The week I sacrificed my Thanksgiving for.
So right now I can’t really plan anything until I find out.
I was irritable all day. I didn’t want to be at work, or really be anywhere but home. Then about midshift as we were recovering from something else, we lost pressure in the factory. When that happens, my hyper-sensitive multimillion dollar tools log themselves down. I saw red on all 3 of my computer screens…….instantaneously.
In our world, as in most of the rest of the world, green is good, red means trouble.
Some days it seems nothing is settled. It is as if everything is suspended…..hanging in the balance. Unsettled.
That is how I felt yesterday, like someone snatched my peace away and I really wanted it back.
Despite how I was feeling…..I had to notice how beautifully the moon was peeking out from the clouds. It was like we were playing hide and seek all the way to my parking lot. It was yellow and full, and as always, it inspired reflection……What is it about the moon that does that for me?
Always awe, with a bit of melancholy thrown in. And always hope.
You can’t stare at the sun for long, but the moon invites us to gaze long.
The sun blares forth it intentions…..to give light, and warmth. While the moon does more….she flirts and makes us fall in love. So quietly she comes out that at times we might even forget she is there, but then how stunningly she makes us remember! 
The moon brought me to work and reminded me that God is still in control even when nothing else is.
And this morning I was reminded again as I crossed the parking lot. As I glanced across the parking lot at the tallest crane in the Western hemisphere, where our new factory is being built, there she was again.
Peeking out through the bend in the crane, high up in the sky.
Reminding me that we can build our buildings and make billions of dollars but we can’t place the moon just so in the sky.
That’s control, that’s God!  

Walnuts and other stuff

I have a thing for walnuts. I can hardly walk by the walnut bin at the grocery store without digging in with both hands. I love how they sound and the texture. I know I would love how they smell too, but due to a genetic weakness inherited from my Grandfather, I have never been able to smell. That’s just one more thing in a long list that will get fixed in Heaven.
I had a walnut adventure yesterday, well the cats and I did.
It all started with a package of store-bought cookies. They were mexican wedding cookies, the ones that I decided I wasn’t going to make this year. They were okay. In fact, I am ashamed to say, I ate every single one of them. But they were nothing like mine. Now I had an unrequitted craving that wasn’t about to go away. I had no choice but to make them.  
I had pecans but I really wanted walnuts. My funny friend knows about my walnut fetish so last Christmas she gave me a sack in the shell, and they were still there in the cupboard. I dug out my nutcracker from wayyyy under the cabinet, since now I mostly buy nuts that Costco has already cracked and packaged very nicely.  It was too cold to go outside so I spread a sheet in my room and let the shells fly!
The cats thought it was a great adventure. They interrupted their morning naps and sprang off the bed like kittens: “What have we here? We don’t recognize this thing you are doing on our floor.” Somehow a rogue pecan had made its way into the bag so I rolled it their way. They batted it back and forth, but then Sydney smelled food like substance coming from the cracked nuts, so he stayed close by. His begging could put any dog to shame.
It was great fun. It only took me about 20 minutes and I had a nice little pile. I was surprised how I remembered some things. My Mom and I cracking walnuts on the cold garage floor on fall days. And going out to my Aunt’s little country house and picking them off her trees. I closed my eyes and heard the sounds, the voices…..it seemed so far away.
I heard the squawking of the blue jays, and the flutter of their wings as they swooped down. I remembered the brick wall in her kitchen and how she had See’s candy in the fridge. And how her sunny yellow bathroom curtains had fuzzy balls on the ends that I liked to touch.
And I remember all those years of Christmas baking and all the smiles of joy as they got their basket of homemade goodies. All of the trips to the store for a forgotten ingredient. And it surprised me how memories of those walnuts hurt. Hurt for those years gone and that they went so fast.
But there is more to be thankful for…….I still have my Mom, and I still have my Aunt. Though many years have passed, there is hope in every moment we all have right now, together.
This morning I broke the rules. I didn’t eat a sensible breakfast, I had two Mexican Wedding cookies with my coffee at 4:30 AM, and they were just as good as I thought they would be.
I have not one regret.

Joy in the morning

As dawn colored the sky this morning, I couldn’t help but think that God knew that we would need such a greeting to start the day, and close it too.
Through all the worrying that goes on after dark,
all the tossing and turning.
The mulling over of everything we should have done….
or have left to do.
This I pray for all of us today.
That in all the rushing around of this season,
that we treasure each other and the time we have together.
Help us to have open and honest conversations….
not rushed.
Conversations that bring light and healing to hearts and ears.
Help us bring relief in our actions and a presence of calm.
Help us to be eager to bring relief to anxious and weary eyes.
Help us Lord, to enjoy each other’s company, knowing that though the river
of time never stops…..
That rather than just swimming furiously
or allowing it to carry us swiftly downstream,
we can stop and sit on the shore
for awhile.
Shoulder to shoulder,
quietly watching the beauty of it
flow by.
Thank you Lord for the joy that came yesterday as we decorated the house.
It shimmers with You!
Amen