Grace

Eden Restored

“Thou hast made us for Thyself, and our heart is restless until it finds it’s rest in Thee.” St. Augustine
Everything the world is seeking so desperately can be found in the person of Jesus. Finding Him is like finding our forever home……
Drinking from the river of life is possible right here and now. I can stand on it’s shore, cup my hand under the crystalline waters and drink deep. Because of Him and what He made possible.
He is my quiet country lane I seek when I want peace…..my cool breeze in the sweltering heat of a desert summer. My bridge to Eden……My everything I have ever longed for, every desire of my deepest longing, even the ones I don’t know about, is satisfied in Him and through Him.
But without Him I am never satisfied.
I could ache like I do, for the pines or for the ocean swells and go to that quiet place, a closet even, and find that I have come out just as refreshed as if I had just spent time watching the waves upon the shore or hearing the wind making the pines sigh.
It is part of my oldest memory, this earth. Part of me and I cannot ever separate myself from it, nor do I want to, for He grew me out of it, this soil, this earth, and to it I will return one day.
Until such time as I reach that Eternal shore where will meet me……Restored.
 He will swallow up death forever.
The Sovereign LORD will wipe away the tears
from all faces;
he will remove his people’s disgrace
from all the earth.
The LORD has spoken.

 In that day they will say,
“Surely this is our God;
we trusted in him, and he saved us.
This is the LORD, we trusted in him;
let us rejoice and be glad in his salvation.”
Isaiah 25:8,9

The Dinner Dance

Dinner has become very interesting at our house. The full execution of it from preparation to cleanup resembles something like a military operation, or an episode of Amazing Race. When her Mom moved in, we knew there would be some major adjustments, and dinner is one of those that has changed. We are still trying to learn the rules. This stems partially from the Alzheimer’s and partly from the fact that her approach to dinner and mealtimes in general, drastically differs from ours.

Ours is relaxation, appreciation of the food, fellowship and conversation.

Hers is put it on the table so we can get it over and go back to watching TV.

From what I understand, cooking food was always a chore for her. She always hated it. It was never a labor of love. They called her cooking burnt offerings. Mealtime was something to get through, in survival mode….and the table was a form of controlled chaos.

Some days it almost seems like we are settling into some kind of rhythm, then the next day everything is crazy again and the rules change.

Dinner has become like a strategic operation. Kind of like a race against time. You do what you can on the sly so that you can get to it before she does. I know, I know, it doesn’t sound very kind, but believe me. It is necessary. Otherwise it would never happen at all.

If you start too early, she comes and stands in the middle of the kitchen and watches every move you make, not saying a word……just staring, glaring really. So you want to minimize the amount of time that happens. Other times, she watches over your shoulder asking, “What’s that?” and “What are you doing now?” You have to dance around her.

Sometimes she will take a seat where she can watch, stony faced and silent. It is unnerving. You start to do everything faster so you can get it done and get out. If you’ve ever watched an episode of “Keeping Up Appearances” and know what happens when neighbor Elizabeth comes for coffee at Hyacinth’s, you will know just about how it looks in the kitchen right before dinner goes on the table. It’s worth a look up on You Tube.

And she will not……. absolutely not sit down until everyone else is seated.

She treats everything on her plate with a certain amount of disdain and suspicion. That part is just personality, nothing to do with the disease. She does the same thing in restaurants, it’s as if she is just daring the food to be edible.

You cringe inwardly, waiting for the comment, “There is a taste in here that I don’t care for…..” or “I’m still trying to decide if I like it,” when it is something a bit different than meat and potatoes. Sometimes, but only if we ask first mind you, there will be an affirmative response to “How do you like it, Mom?” But that is risky territory. Mostly we cook what we know is safe.

The TV stays on to cover the loud sniffing while dining.

Clean up resembles a Chinese fire-drill. By the time it is done we are all mentally exhausted.

I remember all the times I prayed for God to make me more loving, to turn my heart of stone into a heart of flesh…….I so want to respond the way Jesus would. To have the patience to let her help. We give her tasks so that she can feel useful and feel like she has a place of welcome in our home, her home too now……but it’s very hard sometimes.

There is a part of me that is stubborn enough to make this work without any of us going crazy, and for that I am grateful.

“Offer hospitality to one another without grumbling. Each of you should use whatever gift you have received to serve others, as faithful stewards of God’s grace in its various forms.” 1 Peter 4:9,10

What’s Your Heritage?

I thank God, whom I serve with a pure conscience, as my forefathers did, as without ceasing I remember you in my prayers night and day, greatly desiring to see you, being mindful of your tears, that I may be filled with joy, when I call to remembrance the genuine faith that is in you, which dwelt first in your grandmother Lois and your mother Eunice, and I am persuaded is in you also. 2 Timothy 1:3-6

If you had someone in your life who taught you about God, you are blessed. Maybe it wasn’t your parents. Maybe it was an Aunt or Uncle, or maybe a Grandmother, Grandfather, a Sunday school teacher or friend……Somebody who came before you thought it was important for you to know about God.

I wonder if that is going away? I can’t say how many times those old hymns that I learned have come back into my mind at the most unexpected times…..have given comfort when I needed it most.

There is a reason why even hardened criminals or people who have been away from the church for many years tear up when they hear the strains of “How Great Thou Art” or “Great is thy Faithfulness.” Or a Christmas carol.…….It is the power behind the words.

So many parents would never dream of telling their children that there is no God, and yet they live as if He doesn’t exist. He doesn’t figure into any of their hopes and dreams. He may be out there somewhere, yet He never comes up in conversation…..Never is He factored into any of their plans. They are unknowingly withholding the greatest most valuable thing they could ever give their children.

A Godly heritage.

If there is someone whose image popped into your mind just now, please keep them in your prayers today and every day.

And if there was someone in your life that gave you that, thank God for them today.

We’re All A Bit Difficult

“By this all will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another.” John 13:35

In a recent conversation I said, “The frustrating thing about people is, you can’t make them do the right thing, that’s why I like animals,” I said. She smiled and scoffed,”You can’t even make your cat do the right thing, that’s not a good analogy for you.” I took offense to that because, well…..she was right. The truth is, I spoil him! He jumps on my lap while I am trying to post, he steals my chair when I get up from the table, and he would snatch food right off my plate if I let him.

But it’s easy for me to look past all that because it is easy to love him. He follows me everywhere. He greets me when I come home at night. He circles around my feet when it looks to him like I might sit down, and then he plops into my lap and turns upside down…..one very blissful cat.

It’s the same with people I love…….It’s easy to overlook their faults and little idiosyncracies, even lavish them with affection, because I love them.

But what about strangers? What about someone I don’t know? What about the difficult people in my life, your life? Those porcupines.

What makes dealing with them so frustrating? Because I can’t make them behave the way I think they should. I can’t make them do the right thing, make the right decisions. BEHAVE.  

And because I don’t love them, even though God says I must.

When I am describing “difficult people,” it’s always those people out there. I naturally assume that I am not one of them. It’s a finger pointed outwards, accusingly. We have all worked with them, sometimes even lived with them. Maybe you live with one now. You know the kind……
Complaining, egocentric, selfish, negative, narcissistic, disagreeable, argumentative…….It would be oh so easy to just cross them off. But I can’t.

Because God doesn’t cross me off. No matter how many times I disappoint Him.

Probably, most “difficult” people don’t think they are difficult. And there are times, I am sure, when I am difficult for others to deal with……. and very difficult to God.

Because I know how much slack God gives me each and every day, how much He has lavished on me…….it helps me to deal a bit less harshly with the porcupines in my life. I can only hope.

God reminded me of this today when I was busy complaining to Him about someone else.

Explaining Light

This is the message we have heard from him and declare to you: God is light; in him there is no darkness at all. 1 John 1:5
Einstein could explain just about everything about how light works, but he couldn’t explain the source of light itself, where light originally came from…..”And God said, Let there be light: and there was light. And God saw the light, that it was good: and God divided the light from the darkness.”
The visible spectrum is the portion of the electromagnetic spectrum that is visible to (can be detected by) the human eye. Electromagnetic radiation in this range of wavelengths is called visible light or simply light 
Source: Wikipedia
We have all these fancy technical explanations about how light works, but until we know the source of the light itself, we will remain in darkness, no matter how well we can explain the theory.
Then Jesus spoke to them again, saying, “I am the light of the world. He who follows Me shall not walk in darkness, but have the light of life.” John 8:12
I wish for you a sun-dappled path today, and illumination for each situation you encounter. I pray that His healing touch will be a balm to your weary soul and that you will be saturated with His peace. May you feel His grace resting within you, and may you find a quiet place in the sun to rest for a moment as He gives new strength to your bones and joy that touches your heart.

“For God, who said, “Let light shine out of darkness, made his light shine in our hearts to give us the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Christ.” 2 Corinthians 4:6

Gratitude Still Intact

Shining behind everything this life can put us through is a fierce and undying gratitude because we know God has already given us much more than we deserve.

Sometimes the circumstances of life just tend to deflate you. Today, sitting in prayer I felt emptied out, emotionally and spiritually flat. I stuttered, I stammered, I stopped. The creative energy flow valve was shut off somehow. Caretaking does that. Sometimes taking care of someone else, can literally take the life right out of you.

But this is what is amazing about living the God centered life. Gratitude simply won’t die. We know what we have been saved from…..everything that this life can throw at you can’t make a dent in that…..not for very long anyway. Sometimes that surprises me. The unexpected hope that flowers despite everything blooms in the form of Gratitude…..

Seeking inspiration this morning, I opened the Word which never fails. I read

“As the deer pants for streams of water,

so my soul pants for you, my God.
My soul thirsts for God, for the living God.
When can I go and meet with God?
My tears have been my food day and night,
while people say to me all day long, “Where is your God?”
These things I remember as I pour out my soul:

The words, I remember stood out. Gratitude is all about remembering……We have a living gratitude for all that God has done for us that wells up within us even in the worst of circumstances.

By this I don’t mean that we walk around with a fake smile all day, a false front that everyone sees through anyway. No, I mean that even if we are so mad we can spit nails one minute, there is something, rather Someone, that keeps us from going over the edge. Someone that holds us back from total despair. Someone that keeps us thankful at the end of the day, and hopeful at the start.

Satan was working on me this morning. At prayer, and then when I sat down to the computer and didn’t see the pictures I had loaded. I shut everything down, slammed the laptop shut all the while……gratitude still intact, gratitude still intact….NOT. Then Elaine reminded me that she had set up two accounts, one for her and one for me. My little fit was wasted. They were there all the time! I sheepishly sat down to blog

Gratitude once again, intact.

Holding out and holding up.

My soul is downcast within me;

therefore I will remember you……..Psalm 42:6

Continued good health, beautiful Arizona weather, blooming cactus, the gift of laughter through everything, encouragement from the Word, a best friend who appreciates everything I do, good food, enough money to pay bills, new computers that work, the blessing of good neighbors…..#688-698

holy experience

picture taken in my  Mom’s backyard

Real Prayer

Open the eyes of my heart, Lord……
In prayer today, my brain was like a Sunbeam mixmaster. My mind full of stuff on my list. My agenda. In a few days I am leaving on a jet plane. I need to ship a box to California, I need to go to Walmart. I haven’t even showered yet. I feel time slipping by…….
I sat in prayer trying to quiet my mind and asked myself…….”Why am I here?” I needed to ask it of myself, because sometimes it seems even my prayer time is all about me, and I don’t want it to be. The answer that landed at the bottom of my pile of thoughts was:
I pray because I want to spend time with God, and I miss Him when I don’t.
Here is a prayer I read in Kathleen Beard’s wonderful book, Into the Mist that brought me up short, really short:
My Lord, I have mistreated You all my Christian life. I have treated you like a servant. When I wanted You I called for You; when I was about to engage in some work I beckoned You to come and help me perform my task. I have kept You in the place of a servant. I have sought to use You only as a willing servant to help me in my self-appointed and chosen work. I shall do so no more.
Just now I give You this body of mine; from my head to my feet, I give it to You. I give You my hands, my limbs, my eyes and lips, my brain; all that I am within and without, I hand over to You for You to live in it the life that You please. You may send this body to Africa, or lay it on a sick bed with cancer. You may blind the eyes, or send me with Your message to Tibet.
You may take this body to the Eskimos, or send it to a hospital with pneumonia. It is Your body from this moment on. Help Yourself to it. Thank you, my Lord. I believe You have accepted it for in Romans twelve and one you said, “acceptable unto God.” Thank You again, my Lord, for taking me. We now belong to each other.
Raymond V. Edman
They Found the Secret
I can’t help but wonder how my life would change if I only had the courage to say that prayer and mean it. This prayer humbles me beyond words.

Late for Palm Sunday

The entire city of Jerusalem was in an uproar as he entered. “Who is this?” they asked. And the crowds replied, “It’s Jesus, the prophet from Nazareth in Galilee.” Matthew 21:10,11

It is easy for me to imagine that I might have missed the procession coming into Jerusalem that day. I used to have a problem with lateness.

Imagine how you would feel having just missed the crowds, having just missed seeing Him. A few palm branches strewn across the road to Jerusalem are all that is left. That, and the distant sounds of a worshiping, excited crowd……a cloud of dust settling now. All you have left is a sinking feeling that you missed something or someone wonderful. Life changing. Ever been late for an important date? Job interview? Maybe your own wedding? Imagine missing Jesus.

I can remember one time many years ago a special cousin was in town asking to see me. My Dad called and asked me to come. It was important to both of them. But I thought I was too busy. At that particular time in my life, my priorities centered pretty much around me……All these years later, it still haunts me. Even after I have seen this cousin many times since. I still missed that time.

Now, even though I am rarely late for anything I still have dreams that I am frantically running somewhere, late for a class. But years ago, I was late…..for everything. That is, until one particular day I will never forget. I had made my friend late yet again for a class we were taking together. That day she said something that changed me forever. She looked at me with hurt in her eyes, and said……”You’ll always be on time for what’s first in your heart.”

It meant something to me because she meant something to me. I finally realized my lateness was hurting her. Just like that, I decided to make a new habit……to be on-time.

Palm Sunday always catches me by surprise. It seems I look up and it’s here and I say……”Wow, how did this happen, I’m not ready!”

But this is what I love about Jesus. I have a feeling that if He knew that I had wanted to see Him on that day, He would have come back just for me. Just like when He saw Zaccheus in the tree and read his heart; and then gave him his own private audience of one for dinner. And just like when He healed the lepers and one came back to thank Him. And Jesus sought him out……

Mary had to love Him so, I can imagine her saying……”That’s my son the heart reader…..the heart changer…..the heart Doctor.”

What Mom wouldn’t be proud?

We never have to be afraid that we missed Jesus. Seek Him out today.

“His purpose was for the nations to seek after God and perhaps feel their way toward him and find him–though he is not far from any one of us.” Acts 17:27

Every Day is a Grace Day

“The grace of God means something like: Here is your life. You might never have been, but you are because the party wouldn’t have been complete without you.” Frederic Buechner

Ever wonder why some days you wake up and all through the day you have this wondrous sense of well-being? It is as if you are stepping in Grace, walking in Light. The normal things that bother you just can’t touch you on days like this. You feel a strong sense of God’s Grace surrounding you…..

You’re walking through a primrose path……lilies strewn at your feet……tip-toeing through tulips, you are walking in the light and nothing negative can touch you.

And then there are those other days when you feel like the whole world is conspiring against you. As if the very forces of nature are working to make things difficult, like a cosmic battle that you can very definitely feel, but can’t see. A black cloud seems to follow you like dust follows Pigpen in the Charlie Brown cartoon.

You are stepping in something alright, but it is not grace it’s something else.

Yesterday I had one of those good days. I was walking out the door at the grocery store and this wonderful sense of well-being washed over me. It followed me to Starbucks, where I acted out of character and spoke to a stranger who was doing a beautiful pencil sketch, a copy of a photo.

I said, “That’s gorgeous.” Because it was. He didn’t even acknowledge me……not a look up, not a thank you, not a grunt or a smile. He just kept sketching and looking down. Something like that would have ticked me off on another day. This day, it didn’t even faze me.

I think sometimes God gives us those as wonderful gifts of grace, not only because He loves us, but because He knows someone else needs a blessing……someone we come across needs lifting up…..someone in our life needs our strength and encouragement. He blesses us and it spills over like sunlight onto anyone who walks in our path. I think these days are what carry us through the other days.

In truth, every day is a Grace day. However we wake, it is with the breath He gives us. We grumble, we groan, we give thanks, we bless others, we curse the traffic and gas prices, we laugh……

And it’s all Grace.

Twenty five years down the road……..

Facebook find #1

I met her at Jazzercise and we formed an instant connection. We loved working out, buying all the latest workout togs at the local dance store. We watched movies together and she and her husband attended church….the same church I went to. They had their problems, like any couple. They had an adorable little baby boy and moved into a nice home. It seemed they had a charmed life. She was a bridesmaid at my wedding and we had a great time selecting dresses and doing all the fun stuff that goes along with it.
After my husband passed away unexpectedly, we parted ways a bit. Maybe she didn’t know what to say to me and  maybe I should have tried harder to approach her. Maybe my tragedy made her uncomfortable. I still saw her at Jazzercise, where she brought her new little girl, Jordan. She had golden ringlets and huge blue eyes. A perfect child for a perfect couple, in a perfect life. Things were no longer the same between us.
I found her again on Facebook just yesterday. I didn’t “friend” her, I think some friendships are best left in the past. She is divorced and both she and her husband are remarried from what I could see. Her little girl is no longer innocent. Her profile page was loaded with a few shall I say, very colorful expressions. Nothing about God. Nothing about church. But she is beautiful, and my old friend still looks great too. But it saddened me. I know that with divorce comes sadness, pain. And we were close once.
A second Facebook find…….
Her Dad did my husband’s memorial service. He was a wonderful and kind man, with a great sense of humor. I attended the church where he was a Pastor shortly before moving from California. I will never forget how often he used to stop by my folks house to see me after Jody died. He was softspoken and often emotional, a very sensitive man. He was not the best preacher but nobody cared, the love he and his wife had for the Lord shone through in their love for others. They had two daughters, and later, twin sons. Shortly before I moved, the daughter got married to a great guy, a youth Pastor. She borrowed my wedding veil which I was overjoyed to let her use.
Flash forward to now…….She is still married to the same man all these years later, and they have two or three kids. On the FB news feed I saw that her husband, Rick just finished another missions trip to Africa, where I guess they have been several times. When I read of her life, I was happy for her parents, because I know they don’t have to worry about her life. She and her husband belong to the Lord. On her profile there was nothing you couldn’t show anyone, including her parents. Things like camping, coffeeshops, scrapbooking, and no swear words.
Two lives, two reactions. One of sadness, one of joy and hope.
I know what I got was at best an incomplete snapshot of what is really going on……but I think it told me a lot. Only time will tell how it plays out for any of us, but with God’s grace we do the best we can. We know who waits for us at the end of the road….
“Watch your life and doctrine closely. Persevere in them, because if you do, you will save both yourself and your hearers.” 1 Timothy 4:16