Grace

Twenty five years down the road……..

Facebook find #1

I met her at Jazzercise and we formed an instant connection. We loved working out, buying all the latest workout togs at the local dance store. We watched movies together and she and her husband attended church….the same church I went to. They had their problems, like any couple. They had an adorable little baby boy and moved into a nice home. It seemed they had a charmed life. She was a bridesmaid at my wedding and we had a great time selecting dresses and doing all the fun stuff that goes along with it.
After my husband passed away unexpectedly, we parted ways a bit. Maybe she didn’t know what to say to me and  maybe I should have tried harder to approach her. Maybe my tragedy made her uncomfortable. I still saw her at Jazzercise, where she brought her new little girl, Jordan. She had golden ringlets and huge blue eyes. A perfect child for a perfect couple, in a perfect life. Things were no longer the same between us.
I found her again on Facebook just yesterday. I didn’t “friend” her, I think some friendships are best left in the past. She is divorced and both she and her husband are remarried from what I could see. Her little girl is no longer innocent. Her profile page was loaded with a few shall I say, very colorful expressions. Nothing about God. Nothing about church. But she is beautiful, and my old friend still looks great too. But it saddened me. I know that with divorce comes sadness, pain. And we were close once.
A second Facebook find…….
Her Dad did my husband’s memorial service. He was a wonderful and kind man, with a great sense of humor. I attended the church where he was a Pastor shortly before moving from California. I will never forget how often he used to stop by my folks house to see me after Jody died. He was softspoken and often emotional, a very sensitive man. He was not the best preacher but nobody cared, the love he and his wife had for the Lord shone through in their love for others. They had two daughters, and later, twin sons. Shortly before I moved, the daughter got married to a great guy, a youth Pastor. She borrowed my wedding veil which I was overjoyed to let her use.
Flash forward to now…….She is still married to the same man all these years later, and they have two or three kids. On the FB news feed I saw that her husband, Rick just finished another missions trip to Africa, where I guess they have been several times. When I read of her life, I was happy for her parents, because I know they don’t have to worry about her life. She and her husband belong to the Lord. On her profile there was nothing you couldn’t show anyone, including her parents. Things like camping, coffeeshops, scrapbooking, and no swear words.
Two lives, two reactions. One of sadness, one of joy and hope.
I know what I got was at best an incomplete snapshot of what is really going on……but I think it told me a lot. Only time will tell how it plays out for any of us, but with God’s grace we do the best we can. We know who waits for us at the end of the road….
“Watch your life and doctrine closely. Persevere in them, because if you do, you will save both yourself and your hearers.” 1 Timothy 4:16

Its all about Grace……

“For by grace you have been saved through faith; and that not of yourselves, it is the gift of God; not as a result of works, so that no one may boast.” Ephesians 2:8,9

What I keep noticing as I read through the Bible is that thread of grace that runs like a river all the way through it. I have only done this once before, read it all the way through. I am reading slowly, wading through the current carefully, taking my time. I stalled out trying to pick one of the sophisticated plans online. There are so many to choose from…….You Version, Logos, Daily Bible…..God knows me so well, that my indecision renders me useless at times. The Spirit breathed into my heart……”Just pick it up and read from cover to cover.” So that is what I’m doing.

I have reached the story of Jacob and Esau, where Jacob cheated Esau out of his rightful birthright. I think in my own mind, I am wondering why God would continue to bless Jacob and choose him as the heir, especially after what he did to Esau. But when I study further, I find that Esau had many character flaws as well. And Jacob did not get off scot-free. Here is what it says in the notes to my study Bible:

Jacob the trickster gets his due. After pulling off the ruse, he has to run for his life and spends 20 years in exile with his Uncle. Uncle Laban then gives Jacob a dose of his own medicine by planting an unwanted sister in his wedding bed and by repeatedly changing his wages as head shepherd……This reads a bit like a TV reality show.

When I read all these stories, I am deeply affected by how God uses us despite our many failures, flaws and imperfections. It’s all about Grace…..unmerited favor. None of us deserves what God has done for us through Jesus Christ, but He did it anyway. That’s how much He wants to have a relationship with us……

My Father, how thankful I am that you are always active in “good works” towards me. I can never repay your goodness to me. And all that you ask is that I not tire of doing what’s right, no matter how unresponsive the heart of some whom you’ve called me to serve. Only You can give me strength and courage today, because You know where the way is rugged. Fix my sights on the coming harvest of joy! David Hazard…….”Early Will I Seek You”……40 days in the company of Augustine.

The Best Offering

“It was by faith that Abel brough a more acceptable offering to God than Cain did. Abel’s offering gave evidence that he was a righteous man, and God showed his approval of his gifts. Although Abel is long dead, he still speaks to us by his example of faith.” Hebrews 11:14

The question was posed to me, “How can a loving God send a person to hell when all their life they have done good things, maybe living a better moral life than a believer?” Many people have grappled with this question, and it has become a major stumbling block. It has caused some to question their faith, and it has kept some from seeking a relationship with God. The problem is, they are looking at it from the wrong angle. They are thinking that the works themselves are what makes a person righteous, when in fact, works by themselves can never save anyone.

The person who counts on their own good works to get them into God’s good graces, rejects God’s plan and provision for salvation. They are saying in effect, “I think my offering is good enough.” Look at what Isaiah says: “We are all infected and impure with sin. When we display our righteous deeds, they are nothing but filthy rags. Like autumn leaves, we wither and fall, and our sins sweep us away like the wind.” 64:6

And it’s not only unbelievers who can fall into this trap, many in the church today are trying to do good works apart from the Holy Spirit, and as a result they are burned out, discouraged, and ready to quit. We were never meant to do anything apart from the Spirit. Sometimes we try to go back to doing things through our own efforts we fall flat on our face. And God lets us!

It’s kind of like what happened to Cain. He thought his offering was good enough and then was mad when it wasn’t accepted. Abel, however sacrified from the choicest of his flock to give back to God. Somewhere along the line, Cain held back his best. He rejected God’s plan, and then sulked even when God came to him:

“Why are you so angry?” the LORD asked Cain. “Why do you look so dejected? 7 You will be accepted if you do what is right. But if you refuse to do what is right, then watch out! Sin is crouching at the door, eager to control you. But you must subdue it and be its master.” Genesis 4:6-7

God never intended anyone to go to hell, in fact He is not willing that any should perish……and all we have to do is reach out and take God up on His offer of salvation. Jesus sacrificed Himself for us so that we might become righteous. He is our righteousness!

The best offering………….
Blessings of this past week…….continued strength and humor inspite of difficulty and challenge……the joy of the Spirit in the midst of joyless company……good conversations about God……fellowship and shared commiseration with friends…..knowledge that we are in the midst of Grace at all times……fruitful quiet times that carry me through, and enable me to help others go through…..questions from others that renew my faith….the support of a best friend who understands…..continued good health……furry ones who give comfort….#647-657

holy experience
Photo by Brunhilde Reinig: public domain pictures

Bear one another’s burdens

“Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ. If anyone thinks they are something when they are not, they deceive themselves. Each one should test their own actions. Then they can take pride in themselves alone, without comparing themselves to someone else,  for each one should carry their own load.” Galatians 6:2-5
At first glance I was confused by these verses because they seem to contradict one another, first it says to carry each other’s burdens and then it turns around and says for each to carry their own load. But after some online study I found that it does not. The key is in the meaning of the words burden and load.
The word for burdens is baros, which means “heaviness, weight, burden, trouble” In verse six the word for load is phortion and means, “of burdensome rites.” While the first speaks of helping one another through troubles the second speaks of the responsibility each person has for their own troubles and sins.
Helping someone to carry a burden is a very good thing. But, actually taking the load on yourself is much different. It is like two people walking, one carrying a very heavy pack. They make it look easy so you say, “Here friend, let me take that awhile”…..WHOA! once you strap that pack on yourself you realize just how heavy it is. I got a picture of Frodo and Sam this morning while I was thinking about this. Sam was always supporting Frodo as he carried the weight of the ring, but there were times when Sam actually wore the ring himself, and immediately he felt the montrous weight of the burden Frodo carried.
What started this whole train of thought was yesterday. I felt just a tiny bit of the load that my very best friend carries dealing with a Mom with Alzheimer’s and a Dad with Dementia, that is, Dementia with quite a bit of meanness thrown in, I might add. I was on the way to get them groceries for them, as a favor to her. It’s the least I could do since she actually got to get away for a bit. I stopped at a red light. Just for a second, I felt just a bit of what she must feel all the time……….Tears sprang to my eyes. She has dealt with the loss of both of them this year, but still they hang on.

“God, there but for the grace of You go all of us……” 
I thought of how you have to put your own mind in a very strange state to deal with people who aren’t in their right mind. I am sure she wonders at times if she is losing her own sanity just trying to deal with them. She does amazingly well. She knows who her God is and that He is a very Big God. He can handle it when she cannot.
And behind it all, one thing stands out……
There was One who took our burden for all time. A very awful burden. One that only He could carry, and He did it willingly for us. He didn’t want us to have to. He knew that we couldn’t carry it, not even for one moment. I think, in light of that we are “more than conquerors in this life.”
When all the dross of this life is burned up, there will be one thing left.
Endless Gratitude.

pictures from google images……

A Great Mystery

“The God who made the world and everything in it is the Lord of heaven and earth and does not live in temples built by human hands. And he is not served by human hands, as if he needed anything. Rather, he himself gives everyone life and breath and everything else. From one man he made all the nations, that they should inhabit the whole earth; and he marked out their appointed times in history and the boundaries of their lands. God did this so that they would seek him and perhaps reach out for him and find him, though he is not far from any one of us.” Acts 17:24-26

Our lives will never be complete until we are reunited with our Father who created us. God has not hidden Himself, it is really rather easy to see Him every single day. When you listen to a child pray you hear how easy it is for them to speak freely without inhibition. They will pray about everything from a sick pet, to something that happened on the playground. When do we lose that?

The truth is, God is very close to us all and it is very easy to see Him every day.

When our heart is receptive….
When our minds dare to hope for what seems impossible.  Jesus said, “If? There are no ‘ifs’ among believers. Anything can happen.” Mark 9:23 The Message

To me it is one of the great mysteries. How two people can hear the gospel message and one accepts, while the other rejects.

What would make my as yet unbelieving sister in law listen to a song called “Give Me Jesus,” a song I barely understood the words to as sung by Jessye Norman, filled with inflection and operatic overtones. What would make her understand and respond to every single word……and in her shaky hand, her body weak from cancer and chemo write the name of the artist and song title down?


And what would make my very liberal sister in law, also accept an invitation to a play one night, a play about Heaven and Hell, something I thought she would never attend? We were all surprised, and even more so when she walked down the aisle at the end to say “Yes” to Jesus.
 
Yes to Heaven, where she resides now.
 
Somebody prays, someone is sent, somebody preaches, somebody listens and responds……. Yes, it is a great mystery!

“How, then, can they call on the one they have not believed in? And how can they believe in the one of whom they have not heard? And how can they hear without someone preaching to them?” Romans 10:14

Sometimes we preach with actions, sometimes with words, and hopefully always with lots of love behind them both….
 
What about you? What made you decide to follow Jesus?
 
God cannot give us a happiness and peace apart from Himself, because it is not there. There is no such thing. C.S. Lewis

Don’t miss the moment……

“Just the simple observations of a quiet morning walk can sometimes have the power to set the whole world right“….this was taken out in the back forty of my brother’s yard.
Coming home, I realize as always that I have brought them all back with me. I hear their voices still in the quiet moments of reflection. This trip was so good on so many levels. We arrived, my friend and I, on the heels of a storm, a very windy one. We blew good weather in it seems, for the whole week we were there it dawned sunny and bright……unseasonably so. It seems we brought the good weather of Arizona and they were all happy we did. 
The trip all started with a phone call. My Mom told me that my cousin had arranged for a group to attend the performance of  “In the Mood.” It started me to thinking……how often will we all be able to get together like this again, my two Aunts, my cousin, my Mom and I? My friend also needed to see her brother, it was time.
Ever have a trip that seemed God ordained? The timing was right for so many things……This trip was like a string of miracles, one after another. Every now and then a trip works out that way.
How wonderful to be heralded by a little head looking out the window in anticipation of my arrival. She was standing on the bed and as soon as she saw me she started jumping up and down.
My friend went on to Modesto, her home town, where she got to spend two wonderful days on a mostly deserted beach in Moss Landing. From her description, I felt I went there myself. It was a good time for just the two of them, and I prayed that they would get to do that together. Another answered prayer…..
And another miracle, she got to attend church with her Nephew, who has been reunited with his wife, now clean and off drugs….both of them now off the street with their six children, all of them in church and doing remarkably well. To think that so much heartache and pain could lead to this? Only God could do that……so many sleepless nights, so many tears and prayers shed for them. To be able to put all that aside and extend grace to them now, that’s Holy Spirit work!
She was also reunited with a friend of long ago, now a Christian too, and clean and sober after many years of addiction. There was much joy in their reunion, sisters now and friends again twenty years down the road….
Even little miracles happened on this trip……I wandered into Tom’s Used Books, never hoping to find a book I was looking for, since it was several years old, and there on the shelf was one copy!
I got to attend an event in my Old High School auditorium that has now been turned into a theater. I would go again in a heartbeat, it was great! Afterwards we went to my Aunt’s house where she layed out a wonderful buffet, complete with champagne. I know it would have been easy for her not to do it. My Uncle suffers from severe dementia and she is his caretaker now….but still, she created a magical evening for us. It was a precious time spend with wonderful friends and family.
One of the best memories I brought back was when my Mom, my Aunt and I sang at the piano just like we used to for so many years….we sang the old hymns together as my cousin held the flashlight, (My Uncle has broken all the lightbulbs)
All my life I have been surrounded by strong people who in spite of much hardship, have never lost the miracle of the moment. They have taught me how to slow down enough to see the magic happening all around us, all of the time……What a gift! How blessed I am to have learned that lesson from them.
photos taken with iphone

Loved and Accepted…..

Love becomes practically meaningless apart from acceptance…….Bob George, “Classic Christianity”

I recently picked up a book that someone had left at my Mom’s house. In it the author poses a question to his son, who had recently been going through some difficult situations. His son was quick to tell him that he had never doubted his father’s love for him, expressed in many different ways over the years. Though this pleased the father very much, he says he felt like there was something unfinished. He says that God put the thought in his head to ask the question, “Have you always known that I accept you?”  His son asked him what he meant by that. His father said this:

“I mean, there is a difference between love and acceptance. You say you’re confident that I love you, but acceptance is something else. Do you know for example, that I accept you just like you are? That I really like you?”

The son goes on to say that, no, he really didn’t felt accepted even though he knew he was loved. He went on to say that he felt that his Dad would have liked him to be more spiritual, be more involved in Christian activities like he was, read his Bible more, or maybe went into full-time Christian work. This one exchange had the power to change their relationship forever.

How many times do we do the same thing to God. We feel loved by Him but do we feel accepted? I had to answer honestly that many times I do not. I have this unrealistic picture in my head of all the things I feel God wants me to do, and all I can seem to see is how many times I fail. How many times I don’t measure up to what I think God wants me to be, to do?

But the truth is, God accepts us and loves us just as we are. This should release a well-spring of joy inside us that people should be able to readily see. Until we really get that, we are a lamp partially dimmed, throwing out half light upon a world that needs full strength. So many times we walk around with an unrealistic picture in our own head that we will never be able to measure up to.

Walk through that door today, and feel His ocean of acceptance……..He has lived a perfect life, the one we never could live. He died and rose again so that we could walk in newness of life. We don’t have to try to be perfect anymore.

He does want us to mature and grow, but never believe for one second that He will only accept you if you reach a certain level and not until then.

Prayer for today: Help me God, to stop giving You my shabby religion and give you my whole accepted self. Amen

On missing prayer time…..

“Oh Lord how I have missed this time with You. I was doing other things for awhile, important and necessary things, but I have missed this coming before Your throne of Grace….this time of morning quiet. I have had snatches here and there, but it’s not the same.
I know that I can pray anywhere, at any time, but this place is special, Holy…..it is my own little hollow, a little carved out place we have made together. When we come together again, its like we were never apart; a bit like an seeing an old friend, but much better. I settle into Your rhythm of eternity and timelessness, and once again I feel small next to You, and the world gets smaller too.
I back away, realign myself to You…..Your Holiness, Your timeless Grace. I listen and hear You in the quiet. I listen and repeat what You hear day in, day out……”Holy, Holy, Holy is the Lord God Almighty, who was and is, and is to come.”
One Holy praise for each, Father, Son, Holy Spirit
I reflect once again on Your coming. What it meant then and what it still means today. I can only bow in humble adoration as a simple shepherd did years ago by lamplight in a stable.

“My heart is not proud, O Lord, my eyes are not haughty; I do not concern myself with great matters or things too wonderful for me. But I have stilled and quieted my soul; like a weaned child with its mother, like a weaned child is my soul within me. O Israel, put your hope in the Lord both now and forevermore.” Psalm 131

Right after I wrote this prayer in my journal, I opened the Bible to the above passage……

A quiet knock…..

Every day, a quiet voice answers our cry , gently, persuasively, “I stand at the door and knock.”

Should we tremble at these words, this voice? The Spirit that we have called for, the Spirit that saves the world, is already here, at the door, knocking, patiently waiting for us to open the door. He has been there a long time and he has not gone away. His is a very quiet voice and few hear it. The cries of the marketplace and of those who sell shoddy goods are all too loud. But the knocking goes on, despite the noise, we hear it at last. What shall we do? Who is it? Are we afraid or impatient? Perhaps we feel a little fear, lest someone undesirable is at the door, dangerous or with malignant intent. Should we open? In all this fuss, the royal visitor stands patiently, unrecognized, waiting. He knocks again, quite softly. Can you hear Him?

Detrich Bonhoeffer’s Christmas Sermons, December 2nd 1928

“I stand at the door and knock.” Revelation 3:20

For the first time this year, I got swept up in Black Friday mania. I didn’t actually go out to a store, I shopped online. I don’t really know what came over me. It swept over me like a fever. I felt myself carried along a swift tide and the waters went from calm and clear to white and churning. Part of it was because I had  a deadline. I knew I was going to head out of town and I had a list, you see……I wanted to make sure everything was done, checked off. All day I went back and forth, this site, that site, this item, that item……which was the right one, which was the better buy? Finally around 5:00 PM I made the final choice.

Click……done.

It wasn’t a peaceful day, my peace went somewhere and I missed it. I went out to my prayer shed for just a moment that evening to say a prayer of thanks for the day, for God’s mercy and His unending love and patience. Every day He knocks and waits for me……..For us. I am so glad He does.

Psalm 86:15

But you, Lord, are a compassionate and gracious God, slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness.Psalm 86:15

Count it all joy……

God always answers prayer, sometimes the answer is silence……

Ever been in silence that seems so deep it almost has a volume all it’s own? A snowfall comes to mind, or standing in the woods in the hush of morning, just before dawn. Ever been in the middle of some task, and God drops one of those quiet thoughts into your mind? It comes unbidden and settles softly in the space of whatever you happen to be doing. Like a gentle snowflake that lands on your palm or tongue…..we can either recieve it or brush it away. You know it, it is that still small voice of the Lord.

I got one of those yesterday. It started with a crumpled napkin. I saw it and got a flicker of a thought, lighter than a feather it came. “I should save that,” I thought, as I collected it off the table……You see, when you have suffered a loss, a grief that is total and unexpected, you tend to think like that every now and then, even years later. It carves out a place, leaves a mark, changes you forever. It says, hang onto that because they might not come through the door ever again. Save that coffee cup because it was what they were using, and you may never see their face again. Not in this life anyway…..It says, keep that because she or he loved that, it was his, it was hers….A husband, a wife, a best friend, a parent, a child.

Loss carves a hole in you that you always seek to fill. But there is only One who can….

But here is what I realized yesterday, and not for the first time: I am thankful for what I have learned from my loss, because I cherish the people in my life more. I truly do know that it may be the last time I see them, this side of  Heaven anyway…….Grief teaches you to pay attention. To learn what makes the ones you love light up. Compliment them on big and small things……see what makes the life spring into their eyes and makes them walk a bit taller. Notice when they look down or troubled. Never hesitate to do these things, you will be so glad you did.

God can make something beautiful out of all our losses, whatever they may be, and once we have made it through we can be intruments of His comfort to others. In time we can rejoice. Hold fast to His hand and let him carry you into the daylight of His grace. I rejoice today because of all God has brought me through……It is Thanksgiving in the midst of everything! Or maybe in spite of everything.

I am filled with humble gratitude when I think of all the ways He has revealed Himself to me, I just can’t help wanting to share it…….”So then, just as you received Christ Jesus as Lord, continue to live your lives in him, rooted and built up in him, strengthened in the faith as you were taught, and overflowing with thankfulness.” Colossians 2:6,7

Photo of japanese maple leaf from birds and blooms dot com