God’s goodness

In the Refiner’s Fire

“I indeed baptize you with water unto repentance, but He who is coming after me is mightier than I, whose sandals I am not worthy to carry. He will baptize you with the Holy Spirit and fire. His winnowing fan is in His hand, and He will thoroughly clean out His threshing floor, and gather His wheat into the barn; but He will burn up the chaff with unquenchable fire.” Matthew 3:11,12

Thank you Lord, for my devotion time this morning. Thank you for Your Loving Presence today. Your Spirit holds my sins up to the light exposing them for what they are, so that I can confess them before you honestly and draw near to you once again.

Thank you for knowing the real me and loving me anyway.  Sometimes I don’t know how your Spirit, your Holy and perfect Spirit can tolerate living with mine, still so filled with the world and all its griefs, cares and worries.

Help my fears diminish, Lord, so I can be filled with your perfect love that your peace may take its rightful place in my heart.

And help me to see the small trials I go through in this life as Your refiner’s fire of love burning away all my impurities. In all the things we could ever hope to accomplish in this life, there is only this one thing that counts.

That we know you

and in knowing you, we find our true purpose in this life.

I lift the gifts to you today Lord, in gratitude of all you give and keep giving………The wonderful rain that poured down in this dry desert…….worship that comes in little spontaneous moments throughout the day…….a little extra money this month…….God’s continued protection when I don’t even know it……melons and okra sprouting like wildfire in the garden……..a good day yesterday…….seeing old friends again…….music that upliftts and burns hot in the soul in praise to God……answered prayer for a first day of school……a good walk this morning……911-921

And the thunder rolled……

“Thus says the Lord……Stand by the ways and see and ask for the ancient paths, where the good way is, and walk in it; and you shall find rest for your souls. But they said, ‘We will not walk in it.’ Jeremiah 6:16

As I read the words of Jeremiah this morning, reflecting on the wrath of God poured out on a disobediant people, I felt a chill crawl up my spine. Jeremiah had the unpleasant task to be the mouthpiece of God to Israel.

“My soul, my soul! I am in anguish! Oh, my heart! My heart is pounding within me. Because you have heard, O my soul, the sound of the trumpet, the alarm of war!”

Just then, as if ordered by God himself to put a little emphasis on His own words there was a terrible clap of thunder and I almost jumped out of my seat! The anger of God is something I never want to experience personally.

It is easy to feel a little “puffed up” as the Apostle Paul put it, when we read about all those rebellious things the Israelites did, how they strayed from God to worship foreign idols, statues that could neither talk walk or breathe.

How could they, we wonder? After God himself came down in a visual form…..a pillar of fire by night and a cloud by day? After all He had done for them? And all along, there is a loving Father who wants His people back. He longs to love and cherish them and yet they push Him away.

There was another loud clap and in my mind I remembered all those times when I myself have push God away, thinking I knew better….thinking the plan I had for myself was better than the one He had for me. And yet, His mercy and love have pulled me back, over and over again. Not once has He ever refused me.

Oh how He loves us…….His mercy calls us back, new every morning.

As with all things of nature, it thrilled me no end, that clear and powerful reminder. It reminded me this morning who is in control, and it is most definitely not me.

To watch a lightning storm is to watch the finger of God touching down on the earth, and to hear His voice in the thunder a gift, a marvelous thing.

His power, my weakness.

Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you. 1 Peter 5:7
I was driving down the freeway when it hit. I felt that familiar feeling……..the shallow breathing, the knot of tears forming in my throat. They come sometimes without warning. It started as an ordinary task in an ordinary day. I was following Elaine because she was taking her car in.

I held it at bay, at arms length, because I have to get stuff done. I think it’s just life piling up sometimes, and it has to come out somewhere, sometime. I am no stranger to this feeling. It has always been with me.

One of the very first times I can remember was when I caved during a Christmas play at church.

I had one line, I don’t even remember what it was. Because all of a sudden all I wanted to do was get off that stage……I strained my eyes through the bright lights and all I wanted was to find my parents. And then I did.

The road blurred through tears. I breathed little puffs of air. I turned off the freeway and onto the street. Off to my right was man on the sidewalk wearing flip-flops, a Hawaiian shirt and shorts….and a guitar strapped around his shoulder. He was carrying on a very animated conversation, with himself.

Laughter bubbled up through the tears a little hysterically, I thought……..”I hope that’s not gonna be me someday soon.”

Then I thought of my childhood friend Mary. Mary of the big blue eyes and wonderful reading voice.

It was always either her or me the teachers chose for reading out loud. I still remember her singing a solo in a school fashion show, she sang “After the Ball” in a blue dress. I don’t know what happened with Mary but many years later my folks told me she would skate down the street in a full hockey uniform, helmet and all. She never played hockey a day in her life.

She died recently at my age, only 53. She had a daughter and I would love to see her.  I wonder if she had Mary’s eyes, and liked to read. I hope she will be okay.

Don’t we all dance a bit close to the border of crazy at times? I think you kind of have to, to live this life we all live.

As I caught sight of Elaine’s jeep through the maze of cars, right in the midst of my panic I thought…….”Thank you Lord.” Because all my life I have never had to go through this feeling alone, and some people have.

And this wonderful friend has been with me through so much. And I will tell her about this, and she will say, “Well, maybe you are a little bit crazy, but I understand, and everything is gonna be fine.”

Because after all, God has us. He really does. 

Everyday Miracles

By your words I can see where I’m going, they throw a beam of light on my dark path. I’ve committed myself and I’ll never turn back from living by your righteous order. Everything’s falling apart on me, God, put me together again with your Word…….Psalm 119:105-107 The Message
I went out to pray at first light…….my coffee and communion, I call it. My favorite part of the day. But I felt somewhat flat, like someone blew out my insides with a straw. But I was okay with that. I have learned not to trust how I feel so much, but to trust God instead. So I waited in the quiet.
Sometimes, in order to get the miracle, you have to go through the obedience part first. It’s kind of like exercise really. I know the more I think about it, the less likely I will do it. But I have an expectation that when I go out, put on the shoes, turn up my Ipod, start walking, I will feel better.
So, still feeling a bit hollow, I did just that. I cranked up the music and felt the air push through my lungs. My feet picked up the pace, hearing the words Casting Crowns were singing…..”Jesus can you show me just how far the east is from the west, cause I can’t bear to see the man I’ve been, keep rising up in me again……in the arms of your mercy I find rest.
And I thought of miracles, and how God has been with me through it all, been with my family, my friends. I can talk of miracles, all right…..and big ones. Like when my Dad was in a prayer meeting and the Holy Spirit wouldn’t let him rest until he went home, and that’s when the phone rang and he got the terrible awful news……
And another time, when my Mom and Dad were in prayer for my sister-in-law who was dying of cancer, praying on their knees in the bedroom, when a snow white dove came to rest on the window sill and it never left, the whole time they were praying. They never saw it again. And she has been with Jesus 14 years now.
And as I pick up my pace even more. I feel it. The miracle…….life pumping into my heart, my soul. The Spirit leaping joy within me as I hear Chris Tomlin sing about how water was turned into wine and He opened the eyes of the blind. And right then, He was opening my eyes too. Faster, and faster I walked, and now ran a bit too.
Our God is greater our God is stronger, God you are higher than any other……There’s no one like You……None like You.
The daily miracle is this, that every day He opens our blind eyes.
The Spirit was bursting joy inside me now.
And then Francesca Battistelli sang……Savior I come, quiet my soul…..remember. Your blood was spilled for my ransom, everything I once held dear, I count it all as loss….Lead me to the Cross where your love poured out. This is it. The everyday miracle that is ours as believers.
I looked up to see a dove with a branch in her mouth and I thought of Noah, waiting for land. This is our inheritance, our history. This right to expect from God is ours every day and that is a miracle in itself!
By the time my walk was over, I didn’t want it to end, so I walked a bit further and thought again of my former Pastor and what he used to say. It’s Jesus plus nothing.
Jesus plus nothing. That is the pure and simple truth. He is everything and in all and through all. I listened as the next song came on. Don’t know how it is you looked at me, and saw the person that I could be…..awakening my heart, breaking through the dark, suddenly Your grace……
Like sunlight burning at midnight, making my life something so beautiful beautiful, mercy reaching to save me…..And as I finished my walk, run…..I was filled to the brim in the knowledge that Jesus is indeed, everything.
He is my Lord, my God, my husband, me being part of the church, my savior, my friend, my all in all. Everything starts and ends with Him.
And it’s all an everyday miracle. Please join me and some special friends, Ann and Duane on their sites to celebrate our faith and count His blessings on a Monday.
Walking and praying with God in the morning, a new job opportunity for Elaine’s nephew and family, being revived in the Spirit, a new garden springing to life, fresh tomatoes on the counter, communion with the Saints yesterday, the joy of seeing life spring from Your word, staying sane, (just barely) dealing someone on a daily basis with a mental illness, projects that keep hands busy and mind neutral, a few days off after a tough week, and last but not least.
I am thankful today for those who continue to risk their lives for our Freedoms which we hold so dear. Keep them safe in Your hands, Lord. #911-921


Songs I listened to today:

Francesca Battistelli: Lead me to the cross, Beautiful Beautiful
Casting Crowns: East to West
Chris Tomlin: Our God
Matt Redman: You Never Let Go

Joy in the Morning

Your mercy, O Lord, is in the heavens;
Your faithfulness reaches to the clouds.

Your righteousness is like the great mountains;
Your judgments are a great deep;

O Lord, You preserve man and beast.
How precious is Your lovingkindness, O God!

Therefore the children of men put their trust under the shadow of Your wings.
They are abundantly satisfied with the fullness of Your house,
And You give them drink from the river of Your pleasures.

For with You is the fountain of life;
In Your light we see light.
Psalm 36:5-9

Morning Prayer

But Stephen, full of the Holy Spirit, looked up to heaven and saw the glory of God, and Jesus standing at the right hand of God. “Look,” he said, “I see heaven open  and the Son of Man standing at the right hand of God.” Acts 7:55,56

From my prayer journal:

Lord, how I love my time with you. Sometimes I sit out here and I feel only myself, all my thoughts, rattling around in my head in knots of confusion. My fears jangling, the world’s emptiness weighing down my soul. Its hard to see you then, but I know it’s all okay. I know you’re still there. It’s the trust you need to build in me, and the trust I need to see in myself.

And without those times of trust and patient waiting, despite how I feel……..the sweetness of this fellowship wouldn’t be nearly as sweet, the joy not as complete. What a reward when you meet me!

How I love to sit at your feet and dream of how it’s going to be that day when finally we meet face to face. It occurs to me that maybe this enjoyment, this sweetness is all an allusion. Maybe I just don’t know any better—like if I realized just how Holy you really were, are…..I could never be here like this. Then I remember what you did to make this all possible.

I remember the cross.

And I imagine what Stephen saw when He saw the Heaven opened as he was being stoned to death. Or rather, stoned to life. I think of the joy I’ll feel when I look at you. My first response will be to fall at your feet in reverence, even fear. Overwhelmed by your Presence……your beauty.

Then I will hear that voice of many waters. The one I have imagined ever since I met you. I will hear the love pouring out, unbelievable love for me. And what wonder, what unbelievable rapture when I lift my head expecting judgment, yet seeing more love in your eyes that I ever knew was possible.

“The one thing I ask of the LORD–the thing I seek most–is to live in the house of the LORD all the days of my life, delighting in the LORD’s perfections and meditating in his Temple.” Psalm 27:4

Multitudes on Monday

The LORD will guide you continually, giving you water when you are dry and restoring your strength. You will be like a well-watered garden, like an ever-flowing spring. Isaiah 58:11

This morning I slept in until 7. I must have needed it. It has been a touch two weeks……And it’s amazing what I can do with an extra hour. I pray and collect my thoughts, read some verses, reflect on the day before and hope that something wonderful and inspirational flows out through the keyboard despite me.

 

It is important to create a space of quiet before the clatter of the day……..before everything starts. But today I slept away that extra hour. Now I have a cat that is resting on my arm as I type. He is usually settled at the foot of my bed by now. Right before he came in, he rushed in through the cat door meowing loudly….that was my signal to check the catboxes. Elaine had just cleaned them 5 minutes before. I stepped out to poop on the rug. I cleaned that up and settled once again in front of the keyboard.
 
 
Then Elaine’s Mom got up. She got her first halfcup of coffee. She has a routine. It goes something like this. She pours a cup (which is already warm) she scalds it in microwave then has to cool it down. I hear tap go on and half of the cup goes down the sink. She pours more coffee in because now it is not hot enough.
 
 
Peace be still…….The irritation that rises up is tempered by His grace. I feel it like a cloak that wraps around me. That is a big reason to give thanks.
 
 
This whole routine is repeated sometimes 2-3 times.
 
 
I hear the cat again out in the kitty box room. I go out and he has pooped on the rug again, he must have got inturrupted the first time, because he is still out there. That’s when I startle him and he kicks poop over the threshold. I clean it up for the second time. You have to understand, this is my cat’s only fault, he is perfect other than that. I love him dearly so it doesn’t bother me to clean it up.
 
 
I don’t remember where I was going with this post, but I do remember that it is Monday and that is a day to count my thanks. And I am thankful, because despite everything going on around me, there is a peace. I can still hear the praise of the church body from yesterday………I still feel it, He is near. The peace that passes all understanding. Once again, I experience the miraculous power that is an everyday part of a believer’s life.
 
 
Peace be still. So I count my blessings that continue to flow……..A Mom and Dad that love what I do, and tell me so. A God who loves us and brings us through……friends who support with their prayers…….One more summer out of this air-conditioner, already it is past due being replaced……Little big moments of laughter in the midst of craziness…….Sanity despite insane circumstances……A best friend to worship with, pray with, share life with…….Fresh tomatoes starting to produce, and okra and watermelon reaching for the sky…….Godly teaching from a Pastor who is not afraid to preach right out of the Bible……#900-910
And another stopping place for today, please join Duane Scott as he unwraps the promises of God……Please join me, joining him there as well……You will be blessed, I promise!

A little bird told me

“Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground outside your Father’s care. And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered.  So don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows. Matthew 10:29-31

This verse comes just about in the middle of Chapter 10 when Jesus is sending His disciples out two by two. I take comfort in how many times He told the disciples not to fear. I guess I shouldn’t take comfort in that, that they feared, but I do. Let’s face it, the world out there can be a scary place.

Each day He sends us out too, and we never know who or what we might run into.

I guess that’s why I like birds……they remind me that God takes record of every one that falls from the sky and He is taking care of me too.

When I look at this little guy, a little ordinary brown sparrow, I see a master Designer at work. I see a hundred different shades of grey, brown, tan. I look at how the feathers fold so neatly together, how those little feet can grip just about anything. Perfectly suited to their environment.

God has placed His Own Spirit within us, so that we may be totally effective. Not only that, like this little bird, when we are controlled by the Spirit, we are perfectly suited to go out into the world and be God’s hands and feet. But it’s a battle, no doubt about it. At times I read that list of the gifts of the Spirit and I see where I am glaringly lacking.

There are far too many times I take the Spirit places He should never be, with my thoughts, my words, my actions.

And yet, still He strives with me.

Sometimes I pretend, it’s just me and Jesus. And He’s giving me a pep talk in my morning prayer. That is what it really comes down to, every day.

Me and Jesus face to face. And In that moment when I meet Him, the world falls away, and nothing else matters. When He looks in my eyes, He sees my heart.

He still wants me.

Grace Blows Through Our Days

But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Romans 5:8

Not only that, He rose for us too……In light of those two facts, everything else in this life can be worked out. Some days are good mostly all the way through, but the average day holds a bit of everything mixed in. Just living in this world is a challenge. Yesterday was a hodgepodge but overall it was good. The usual worries cycled through my head on the way to work. I started to pray and stared off into the road ahead, my thoughts veer off as I hold study to the wheel.

The weather was beautiful and a bit cloudy, all the more beautiful since May and June are coming, and that’s when the heat starts.  In my heart are the usual faces I send up into the throne of Grace.

I think of my brother, who works for The City of Stockton, a whole city on the brink of bankruptcy. He is caught like so many loyal employees, in the middle. Unsure of his job, unsure of his retirement, having to decide whether to let go and move on, or stay onbeard a sinking ship. A dear friend texted me yesterday, going through many hardships with a son, so much hurt, so much hardship, I could feel the pain in the middle of all the words flashing across my phone…..And my dear friend battling daily her own health issues as well as her Mom’s Alzheimer’s…..

And no matter how someone says, “It’s not really them, it’s the drugs…..it’s the Alzheimer’s…..it’s the whatever” that’s doing it, you still feel the betrayal, the indifference like a knife in your heart. You still feel the fatigue of moving through quicksand each day.

And yet…..there are moments of joy, moments of grace wound throughout our days. We know we are more than conquerors, after all, it’s in the very lifeblood and DNA of our faith and it will not let us go. God gives us a supernatural hope that makes it possible to go on…..even be an encouragement to others.

There was an NPR article about the City of Stockton on the net yesterday and I felt a pang in my heart….so many good people who worked so hard to make a downtown, a marina, a beautiful park where people would want to come with their children, enjoy the weather, live life, and now it is all in jeopardy due to gross mis-management and politics and who knows what all else.

And when my brother got home to tuck into the meatloaf my Mom had made, she said he had a quizzical expression as he said, “Did you do something different to this?” Right away she knew what it was and burst out laughing. She remembered being sidetracked when she saw the syrup bottle on the counter right by the meatloaf. It was left out. And you know that when you have a special needs child around, you have to be on your toes. Lauryn had decided that the meatloaf needed a sauce…..a syrup sauce. In her mind it made perfect sense. Oh how I wish I could have been there watching her when she did it.

In the process, she gave her Daddy and Grandma, and me, when she told me about it last night, a good laugh.

And right then, we felt God’s good grace in what a little girl did.

Remembering…….

It is close of day……..Maundy Thursday evening. The evening He gathered with His friends for the last time. Work is done and the events of the day settle around me…floating down like dust moats in my mind. Every Easter week that comes around I wish once again that I had it off…..not just Sunday, the whole week.

I look up services on Maundy Thursday and I lament the days gone by, where businesses really did close on Good Friday. It seemed right and it felt good to live in such a world, such a town, such a time that did this. Things seem different now. People rush around as if they don’t know what day it is, and sometimes I get caught right along with them, stupified about what I thought I needed at Walgreens.

But as I work all the way up to Sunday, I will exchange the upper room for some quiet moments in my prayer closet, and tomorrow, that darkest of days,  I will take a quiet walk on my break and thank Him again for doing such a monumental thing for this world. For me. For you.

I wonder how in the world He thought we were worth it, but I am so glad He thought we were.

I will wish for clouds to cover the sun tomorrow because that seems right too.  But this is Arizona after all, and the sun will most likely be shining brightly overhead. And that will be right too, somehow. Events will unfold and we will be distracted as we go from one thing to another.

More than likely we won’t have enough time to reflect on what it all means. We are in the thick of life, work, kids, traffic, deadlines and bills. But this is what really matters. That in those moments when we pause and thank Him, we will feel Him close. We carry our upper room right along with us and He is there. Right there in the midst of us.

Tomorrow I will carry Him with me, and He will carry me mostly.

In my moments of remembering, I will picture the silhouette of a lonely cross against a stormy sky and a earth that quaked in revolt at such an impossible event……..the creator and Lord of the universe on that same lonely cross. And a small band of very sad followers at the foot of it.

And John pulling Mary close as Jesus says, “Woman, behold your son…..”

In every thing I have to do, in between all those things, in between my every breath, every step…..He will be there with me. And I will rejoice because the reality of Easter is this,

He lives!