Christian living

Remembering…….

It is close of day……..Maundy Thursday evening. The evening He gathered with His friends for the last time. Work is done and the events of the day settle around me…floating down like dust moats in my mind. Every Easter week that comes around I wish once again that I had it off…..not just Sunday, the whole week.

I look up services on Maundy Thursday and I lament the days gone by, where businesses really did close on Good Friday. It seemed right and it felt good to live in such a world, such a town, such a time that did this. Things seem different now. People rush around as if they don’t know what day it is, and sometimes I get caught right along with them, stupified about what I thought I needed at Walgreens.

But as I work all the way up to Sunday, I will exchange the upper room for some quiet moments in my prayer closet, and tomorrow, that darkest of days,  I will take a quiet walk on my break and thank Him again for doing such a monumental thing for this world. For me. For you.

I wonder how in the world He thought we were worth it, but I am so glad He thought we were.

I will wish for clouds to cover the sun tomorrow because that seems right too.  But this is Arizona after all, and the sun will most likely be shining brightly overhead. And that will be right too, somehow. Events will unfold and we will be distracted as we go from one thing to another.

More than likely we won’t have enough time to reflect on what it all means. We are in the thick of life, work, kids, traffic, deadlines and bills. But this is what really matters. That in those moments when we pause and thank Him, we will feel Him close. We carry our upper room right along with us and He is there. Right there in the midst of us.

Tomorrow I will carry Him with me, and He will carry me mostly.

In my moments of remembering, I will picture the silhouette of a lonely cross against a stormy sky and a earth that quaked in revolt at such an impossible event……..the creator and Lord of the universe on that same lonely cross. And a small band of very sad followers at the foot of it.

And John pulling Mary close as Jesus says, “Woman, behold your son…..”

In every thing I have to do, in between all those things, in between my every breath, every step…..He will be there with me. And I will rejoice because the reality of Easter is this,

He lives!

Extraordinary Life……

“Dear God,
I am so afraid to open my clenched fists!
Who will I be when I have nothing left to hold on to?
Who will I be when I stand before you with empty hands?
Please help me to gradually open my hands
and to discover that I am not what I own,
but what you want to give me.” Henri Nouwen
 
 
When the little slip of paper came around to volunteer at church, I happened to notice a little box right next to help out in the special needs class. It was as if that choice alone of all the other choices was outlined in bold, yet I know it wasn’t. I remembered my words, I said…..”every big church should have one.” Because of my niece Lauryn, I’m sensitive to it. I think it’s important that people with special needs have a place in church, a class all their own, an option like everyone else.

I felt the Lord give me one of His nudges. “If you support it so strongly, maybe you should help out.” I checked the box and prayed while my little slip was passed along with the others down the aisle. Because I knew I had to. Because I knew the Extraordinary Life class was something out of my comfort zone. I like safe, I like predictable. The truth is, sometimes the world feels out of my comfort zone.

Dear God forgive me, I didn’t even know what hand over hand drawing meant when I talked to Amy on the phone and she told me a bit about the class. As I saw shortly after I got there, it means you put your hand over theirs, coloring in what they cannot. What would it be like to have a child who can’t do the simplest things? Those things we all take for granted. I thought of Lauryn and how she can do just about anything physical and yet in her brain there are many words still fighting to get out.

As I put her little hand in mine and we colored in the outlined cross on the paper, it had to be purple, her favorite and also my niece’s favorite too……. I suddenly felt the impact of what that meant……hand over hand.

Just like God takes ours and does the impossible.
And another curious thing I felt? My own weakness as well as her own. I didn’t want to hurt her hand, and I didn’t know if how I was holding it was comfortable for her. I complimented her on her beautiful nails, which her Mom, (it turned out to be Amy, the same lady I talked to on the phone) painted a brilliant sparkly deep red with a hint of pink.

And then there was Kathleen,  who had quite possibly the most beautiful pair of blue eyes I had ever seen, framed with wonderfully long dark lashes. In them, I saw the whole sky of Heaven. I have a feeling she sees more than the rest of us combined. She was 33 and all of 70 pounds soaking wet, also wheelchair bound. She smiled at me and I smiled at her. At that moment, I saw the Lord looking back. In her hands she clutched onto two balls, one in each hand. It was clear that she didn’t want to let go of them.

She loves the song Jesus Loves Me…..they say her face lights up when she hears it.

As I looked at her little fists so tightly wrapped around what made her feel better, I thought of all the things I kept closed around my fists too, for fear of letting go.  I understood how she felt. In some ways we are not so different after all. 

These parents, these kids. These are the ones who teach the lessons. The ones the world so often calls the least of these. One thing I am sure of, Jesus loves them this I know, and I also know they are somehow closer to Him than I am.

Even so, I know He loves me too.

Photo credit: Google images

In our shoes

In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. He was with God in the beginning. Through him all things were made; without him nothing was made that has been made. In him was life, and that life was the light of all mankind. The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it……..

That Word had a name and His name was……is……Jesus. That same eternal Word at one point became flesh and dwelt among us, left His perfect world so He could walk for awhile in our shoes…..On our shores.

There is so much mystery in this that we can scarcely contain it. But we believe it, and somehow it all makes perfect sense. And once again we are walking Jesus last steps on this earth as we remember what He did for us. Once again, we try to grasp  what it must have been like to be there in person. To listen to those words, hear the crowds, feel the same dust between my toes that He did.

I put myself in the disciples place and know within my heart of hearts that I would have scattered too. I would have watched dumbfounded and horror-stricken in the garden as my best friend, one who knew me inside and out, more than anyone ever had was led away like a common criminal. Knowing I did nothing to stop it because I was frozen in place by fear.

With the newfound knowledge still pulsing in my veins, singing through my soul……remembering how He broke the bread, how I felt the burning in my heart, the knowledge that here was God in the same room with me, with us. Still feeling that as the torchlight retreated and the garden was swallowed in darkness.

As night closed around us, we had no idea that Easter was only two days away.

Today and everyday we remember with Gratitude that our Easter did happen. Each and every day, we feel it again as we rise to new life in Him.

Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy……1 Peter 1:8

Knowing that my one little life is of immense importance to Him……..He cared so much about you and I that He would die the worst of deaths and suffer separation from His own Father…….Knowing that no matter what, I never have to be alone again…….He prays for me even now before our Father in Heaven……I have been pardoned and am free from condemnation……..Knowing that everything I do interests Him…….I have the freedom to read my Bible and attend church without fear……When we talk about the word, Heaven is opened He writes it down…….He is preparing a place even now…….and though so many things we see and experience may not be fair, one the day He shows up, all will be made right in an instant. #856-866

A Song in the Night

It was one of those tossing and turning nights. I seem to have a lot of those lately. A bleary glance at the clock told me it was 2:30 AM. And faintly I heard something that sounded like a bird singing…..Singing, at that hour! At first I thought it was one of those alarm clocks that sound like birdsong. My Dad had one that went through the whole repertoire of a mockingbird. Incredulously I staggered outside into the cool night.

The stars were bright overhead and it was so quiet, except for the unmistakably loud sound of a real live mockingbird singing its heart out in my neighbor’s lemon tree. It was so early the morning commute hadn’t even started yet. Don’t birds only sing at sunrise? This one’s internal clock was surely off, I thought.

Every morning since, I have heard it. The earliest recorded time was 1:30 AM.

At first I was a bit ticked off. I get up at 4 on my work days and every hour of sleep is precious.

But today, God spoke to me as He often does in that still small way He has. He said:

This little bird is singing at my own direction, and who are you to tell it that its not the right time? When is it wrong to sing of My glory, to sing just for the sheer joy of singing. Don’t I welcome any prayer, any song, day or night? Am I ever too busy to rejoice when one of my creatures is singing, do I ever turn away from your song?

And I don’t know if there is such an expression of a heart that pangs, but my heart did pang as I rolled down the window this morning in the dark just to hear my little friend sing.

A tear threatened, when I thought of all the times I have squashed another’s enthusiasm…..a song they longed to share, because I was too busy wallowing in my own problems to open up my heart, my ears, and truly rejoice with them.

And I thought….how I stifle my own song, how I rob someone of the joy of hearing it. Me, for thinking it’s not worthy of singing. Then, and this one last thought is painful……of voices long stilled, and how I would give anything to hear them again, no matter the day or the hour.

Thank you little bird, and thank you God. For using one of your creatures to instruct me once again…..

What is scattered in me….

 

Is someone among you in trouble? He should pray. Is someone feeling good? He should sing songs of praise. James 5:13

Let all who take refuge in you be glad. Let them ever sing for joy. Spread your protection over them, so that those who love your name may rejoice in you. For surely, Oh Lord, you bless the righteous; you surround then with favor as a shield. Psalm 5: 11,12

“In all things that I contemplate as I am consulting you, I find no secure place for my soul except in you. And in you, I pray that what is scattered in me may be brought together, so that no part of me may be apart from you.


Sometimes when you are working within me, bringing my scattered self to you, you draw me into a state of feeling that is unlike anything I am used to, a kind of sweet delight. I know that if this spiritual state were made permanent in me it would be something not of this world, not of this life….” St. Augustine, confessions 10

I started to write something below this quote but realized it is perfect just the way it is……..No addition needed. Also, my dear Mom turns 83 today. I am so glad she was born, and not just because she had me! She is a miracle all by herself. I love you Mom!

We all need healing

“Our own experience with loneliness, depression, and fear can become a gift for others, especially when we have received good care. As long as our wounds are open and bleeding, we scare others away. But after someone has carefully tended to our wounds, they no longer frighten us or others.

When we experience the healing presence of another person, we can discover our own gifts of healing. Then our wounds allow us to enter into a deep solidarity with our wounded brothers and sisters.”

Henri Nouwen, the Wounded Healer

We all need healing from something, that is the truth. This life makes its marks. And we are all at different mile markers in our healing journey. Here’s the miracle part. That at just the point when we think we can no longer hold on, someone a little further down the path, or one who is presently not in need of healing speaks hope.

Someone listens……..Someone says they understand, and you know they really do.

One of the ladies in my Mom’s Bible study, when they finished going around the table with all their prayer concerns, (and they were many) said, “the word for the day is Nevertheless.”

I like that…….Nevertheless……we have Jesus. Nevertheless…….we are more than conquerors……Nevertheless…….we exult in hope and joy unspeakable and full of glory……Nevertheless……He gives us peace that passes understanding.

The One who heals us, knows how it feels to be in need of healing Himself.

But he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was upon him, and by his wounds we are healed. Isaiah 53:5

The enjoyment of being found…..

Yet indeed I also count all things loss for the excellence of the knowledge of Christ Jesus my Lord, for whom I have suffered the loss of all things, and count them as rubbish, that I may gain Christ and be found in Him, not having my own righteousness, which is from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ, the righteousness which is from God by faith; Philippians 3:8,9

I found you! I said as I chased her around the tree and she shrieked for joy……I was playing with my niece when I was back home last. Her new game is hide and seek and she loves being found! She hasn’t quite gotten the hang of tag yet. When she talks on the phone, she walks around the house and thinks I can see what she’s holding up, maybe that’s because she Skypes with her Mommy and sissy……And she doesn’t like saying goodbye……we have that in common. She comes with the joy that is unique to special needs kids.

She is like anyone else, she loves being found, and belonging to someone. Isn’t that what we all want after all? We want to feel that feeling of seeing the one we love winding their way through a crowd to meet us, just us. And then the scrape of the chair when they pull it next to you…..they are there, you are no longer alone, someone has claimed you. They know things about you that no one else does….

Sometimes we even seek to be claimed by those who really don’t have our best interests at heart, but their own.

When Jesus claims us, we can be sure that He has our best interests at heart always. And He will never lead us down a path of destruction, but life, and peace. And because of our relationship with Him, we are also claimed by the Father and the Spirit!

Jesus endured that long, lonely 40 days of temptation in the desert so that we will never have to be without Him again….and those of us who live in the desert know just how bleak it can be, especially in the summer…….He endured the cross so that we can say with the unbridled joy of a child peeking out from behind a tree…..”You found me!”

He rose from that awful death so that one evening not so far in the distant future, in a another place, we will be walking in the cool of the evening in a place we can can only dimly imagine, and He will be there to meet us and say, “There you are, I have been looking for you, just you.”

And that time, we won’t be hiding behind fig leaves……..

I once was lost…..

“My people have been lost sheep.
Their shepherds have led them astray;
They have turned them away on the mountains.
They have gone from mountain to hill;
They have forgotten their resting place. Jeremiah 50:6

Ever feel lost? I had a lost day yesterday. I felt misplaced at my workplace. All this restructuring, tearing down walls, closing off areas, all in the name of reorganization. And it does look nice, very nice. I’d say it was a vast improvement, except I couldn’t find anyone. Nobody sits where they did before. They are reshuffling us all. Soon we will be moving next door to a new building. This place where I have been for about 5 years new will probably be used for storage…..And the other day I came in and the landscapers had been here in our back patio. They removed many shrubs and moved our poor Intel cat’s food and sleeping igloo so it was right out in the open. She was nowhere to be found.

I know how she feels…….I was wandering around looking for our admin yesterday too. I finally found her at the very end of the day. And Steve, my faithful good soul of a buddy, who takes care of the poor adandoned cats people dump in our parking lot, has also moved next door. I found him on the phone, it was good to hear a familiar voice.

In this life, it’s easy to feel lost sometimes. Let’s face it, we are foreigners here. It’s like someone has shifted all the pieces of the puzzle and we have to figure out where we belong again. But then, my Father reminds me just where I belong. My place is forever secure, safely resting in Him. I know where I belong….but sometimes He has to remind me. He knows what a scary place this is…….

And what a comfort it is when He does remind me.

When everything around you looks or feels unfamiliar, remember where you belong. Settle back into His loving arms, and know that….

He will never let you go.

Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.” Deuteronomy 31:6

image source: http://www.uproxx.com/

What to give up?

Yet even now, says the LORD, return to me with all your heart, with fasting, with weeping, and with mourning; rend your hearts and not your clothing. Return to the LORD, your God, for he is gracious and merciful, slow to anger, and abounding in steadfast love, and relents from punishing. Joel 2:12,13

As one not being raised in the Catholic tradition, I never gave Lent much thought. I gave Easter much thought. I always loved celebrating the whole week of Easter and I used to love when Good Friday was more a part of our culture in America. I remember businesses closing at noon and many gathered for service, either at their own church or a multi-church community service. I used to love it when the day was cloudy on Good Friday. It somehow seemed right.

In past years, I have given more thought to the period leading up to Easter known as Lent. It has become more important for me to reflect longer on all the events leading up to the Resurrection.

Every year I hear people talk about what they will be “giving up” for Lent, sometimes jokingly, sometimes not. In fact, it happened just this morning. Every year I ask myself, or rather God, what He would have me give up. Almost at once, I go through the list of things, and they are usually always the same ones. Sugar, chocolate, meat, books…..wine. There they are, not necessarily in order of importance. But what about the really hard ones?

Not trusting, being fearful, worrying. Taking matters into my own hands that should be resting safely in Gods hands. 

And this year, the answer came back.

Just give me your whole self.

To me, it is not so much what things I give up, but that I give my whole heart. And if He asks me, each and every one of those other things I listed. At whatever time He says, knowing that sometimes, at different times, it is important to give up something for someone else, in order to not make them stumble.

When God stops teaching you, you better worry

For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith–and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God–Ephesians 2:8
Driving home from work last night I breathed a prayer……”thank you Lord, for getting me through the day.” And then another thought, right on the heels of my prayer. Is getting through enough? Is it not dimishing the capacity of wonder in a day to pray that kind of prayer. I do understand it……. I understand that sometimes it is a real accomplishment to do just that, but too often I don’t set my sights high enough, I catch myself settling for less, when God wants to give me more.  
I had to apologize……Then I started to count the beauty moments, the grace moments in the day…..I remembered the conversation I had with a brother believer, and in those moments that we sat and shared, a window of Heaven was opened. He reminded me that everything we do, everywhere we are can be a ministry. A moment of opportunity. You see, every month he flies to Houston for his cancer treatments. And though he wouldn’t have chosen his present circumstances, he shared how so many times God has placed someone in the seat beside him that needed to hear about what God is going in his life.
Eternity moments. Reflected in each of our days, each one precious, each one a gift.
How can I pray to just get through the day when I know that almost certainly, the sky wasn’t just this color yesterday? How can I pray to just get through the day when there is someone waiting to hear what God is doing in my life, what He could do in theirs.
Every conversation has the possibility in it of changing someones life, someones eternity. Of opening a window of Heaven and letting the light spill out.
I do believe that when you are suffering, getting through the day in one piece is quite an accomplishment, but that wasn’t the case for me yesterday.
Thank you God, for reminding me of this. For loving me enough to teach me yet another lesson. Thank you for the grace that I walk in each and every moment.