Christian living

What is scattered in me….

 

Is someone among you in trouble? He should pray. Is someone feeling good? He should sing songs of praise. James 5:13

Let all who take refuge in you be glad. Let them ever sing for joy. Spread your protection over them, so that those who love your name may rejoice in you. For surely, Oh Lord, you bless the righteous; you surround then with favor as a shield. Psalm 5: 11,12

“In all things that I contemplate as I am consulting you, I find no secure place for my soul except in you. And in you, I pray that what is scattered in me may be brought together, so that no part of me may be apart from you.


Sometimes when you are working within me, bringing my scattered self to you, you draw me into a state of feeling that is unlike anything I am used to, a kind of sweet delight. I know that if this spiritual state were made permanent in me it would be something not of this world, not of this life….” St. Augustine, confessions 10

I started to write something below this quote but realized it is perfect just the way it is……..No addition needed. Also, my dear Mom turns 83 today. I am so glad she was born, and not just because she had me! She is a miracle all by herself. I love you Mom!

We all need healing

“Our own experience with loneliness, depression, and fear can become a gift for others, especially when we have received good care. As long as our wounds are open and bleeding, we scare others away. But after someone has carefully tended to our wounds, they no longer frighten us or others.

When we experience the healing presence of another person, we can discover our own gifts of healing. Then our wounds allow us to enter into a deep solidarity with our wounded brothers and sisters.”

Henri Nouwen, the Wounded Healer

We all need healing from something, that is the truth. This life makes its marks. And we are all at different mile markers in our healing journey. Here’s the miracle part. That at just the point when we think we can no longer hold on, someone a little further down the path, or one who is presently not in need of healing speaks hope.

Someone listens……..Someone says they understand, and you know they really do.

One of the ladies in my Mom’s Bible study, when they finished going around the table with all their prayer concerns, (and they were many) said, “the word for the day is Nevertheless.”

I like that…….Nevertheless……we have Jesus. Nevertheless…….we are more than conquerors……Nevertheless…….we exult in hope and joy unspeakable and full of glory……Nevertheless……He gives us peace that passes understanding.

The One who heals us, knows how it feels to be in need of healing Himself.

But he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was upon him, and by his wounds we are healed. Isaiah 53:5

The enjoyment of being found…..

Yet indeed I also count all things loss for the excellence of the knowledge of Christ Jesus my Lord, for whom I have suffered the loss of all things, and count them as rubbish, that I may gain Christ and be found in Him, not having my own righteousness, which is from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ, the righteousness which is from God by faith; Philippians 3:8,9

I found you! I said as I chased her around the tree and she shrieked for joy……I was playing with my niece when I was back home last. Her new game is hide and seek and she loves being found! She hasn’t quite gotten the hang of tag yet. When she talks on the phone, she walks around the house and thinks I can see what she’s holding up, maybe that’s because she Skypes with her Mommy and sissy……And she doesn’t like saying goodbye……we have that in common. She comes with the joy that is unique to special needs kids.

She is like anyone else, she loves being found, and belonging to someone. Isn’t that what we all want after all? We want to feel that feeling of seeing the one we love winding their way through a crowd to meet us, just us. And then the scrape of the chair when they pull it next to you…..they are there, you are no longer alone, someone has claimed you. They know things about you that no one else does….

Sometimes we even seek to be claimed by those who really don’t have our best interests at heart, but their own.

When Jesus claims us, we can be sure that He has our best interests at heart always. And He will never lead us down a path of destruction, but life, and peace. And because of our relationship with Him, we are also claimed by the Father and the Spirit!

Jesus endured that long, lonely 40 days of temptation in the desert so that we will never have to be without Him again….and those of us who live in the desert know just how bleak it can be, especially in the summer…….He endured the cross so that we can say with the unbridled joy of a child peeking out from behind a tree…..”You found me!”

He rose from that awful death so that one evening not so far in the distant future, in a another place, we will be walking in the cool of the evening in a place we can can only dimly imagine, and He will be there to meet us and say, “There you are, I have been looking for you, just you.”

And that time, we won’t be hiding behind fig leaves……..

I once was lost…..

“My people have been lost sheep.
Their shepherds have led them astray;
They have turned them away on the mountains.
They have gone from mountain to hill;
They have forgotten their resting place. Jeremiah 50:6

Ever feel lost? I had a lost day yesterday. I felt misplaced at my workplace. All this restructuring, tearing down walls, closing off areas, all in the name of reorganization. And it does look nice, very nice. I’d say it was a vast improvement, except I couldn’t find anyone. Nobody sits where they did before. They are reshuffling us all. Soon we will be moving next door to a new building. This place where I have been for about 5 years new will probably be used for storage…..And the other day I came in and the landscapers had been here in our back patio. They removed many shrubs and moved our poor Intel cat’s food and sleeping igloo so it was right out in the open. She was nowhere to be found.

I know how she feels…….I was wandering around looking for our admin yesterday too. I finally found her at the very end of the day. And Steve, my faithful good soul of a buddy, who takes care of the poor adandoned cats people dump in our parking lot, has also moved next door. I found him on the phone, it was good to hear a familiar voice.

In this life, it’s easy to feel lost sometimes. Let’s face it, we are foreigners here. It’s like someone has shifted all the pieces of the puzzle and we have to figure out where we belong again. But then, my Father reminds me just where I belong. My place is forever secure, safely resting in Him. I know where I belong….but sometimes He has to remind me. He knows what a scary place this is…….

And what a comfort it is when He does remind me.

When everything around you looks or feels unfamiliar, remember where you belong. Settle back into His loving arms, and know that….

He will never let you go.

Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.” Deuteronomy 31:6

image source: http://www.uproxx.com/

What to give up?

Yet even now, says the LORD, return to me with all your heart, with fasting, with weeping, and with mourning; rend your hearts and not your clothing. Return to the LORD, your God, for he is gracious and merciful, slow to anger, and abounding in steadfast love, and relents from punishing. Joel 2:12,13

As one not being raised in the Catholic tradition, I never gave Lent much thought. I gave Easter much thought. I always loved celebrating the whole week of Easter and I used to love when Good Friday was more a part of our culture in America. I remember businesses closing at noon and many gathered for service, either at their own church or a multi-church community service. I used to love it when the day was cloudy on Good Friday. It somehow seemed right.

In past years, I have given more thought to the period leading up to Easter known as Lent. It has become more important for me to reflect longer on all the events leading up to the Resurrection.

Every year I hear people talk about what they will be “giving up” for Lent, sometimes jokingly, sometimes not. In fact, it happened just this morning. Every year I ask myself, or rather God, what He would have me give up. Almost at once, I go through the list of things, and they are usually always the same ones. Sugar, chocolate, meat, books…..wine. There they are, not necessarily in order of importance. But what about the really hard ones?

Not trusting, being fearful, worrying. Taking matters into my own hands that should be resting safely in Gods hands. 

And this year, the answer came back.

Just give me your whole self.

To me, it is not so much what things I give up, but that I give my whole heart. And if He asks me, each and every one of those other things I listed. At whatever time He says, knowing that sometimes, at different times, it is important to give up something for someone else, in order to not make them stumble.

When God stops teaching you, you better worry

For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith–and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God–Ephesians 2:8
Driving home from work last night I breathed a prayer……”thank you Lord, for getting me through the day.” And then another thought, right on the heels of my prayer. Is getting through enough? Is it not dimishing the capacity of wonder in a day to pray that kind of prayer. I do understand it……. I understand that sometimes it is a real accomplishment to do just that, but too often I don’t set my sights high enough, I catch myself settling for less, when God wants to give me more.  
I had to apologize……Then I started to count the beauty moments, the grace moments in the day…..I remembered the conversation I had with a brother believer, and in those moments that we sat and shared, a window of Heaven was opened. He reminded me that everything we do, everywhere we are can be a ministry. A moment of opportunity. You see, every month he flies to Houston for his cancer treatments. And though he wouldn’t have chosen his present circumstances, he shared how so many times God has placed someone in the seat beside him that needed to hear about what God is going in his life.
Eternity moments. Reflected in each of our days, each one precious, each one a gift.
How can I pray to just get through the day when I know that almost certainly, the sky wasn’t just this color yesterday? How can I pray to just get through the day when there is someone waiting to hear what God is doing in my life, what He could do in theirs.
Every conversation has the possibility in it of changing someones life, someones eternity. Of opening a window of Heaven and letting the light spill out.
I do believe that when you are suffering, getting through the day in one piece is quite an accomplishment, but that wasn’t the case for me yesterday.
Thank you God, for reminding me of this. For loving me enough to teach me yet another lesson. Thank you for the grace that I walk in each and every moment.

Celebrating firsts, letting go of lasts….

Your skin like dawn
Mine like musk
One paints the beginning
of a certain end.
The other, the end of a
sure beginning.
Passing Time by Maya Angelou
When you have a child, it is important to celebrate the “firsts.” They are such milestones and so very important. They carve themselves in your heart and memory forever. And then there are the lasts…..the last time they will let you hug them…..in public, or at all! The last time they blow you a kiss or return your wave as enthusiastically as you give it. The last time you read them a story and feel them lean against you as if they will always need you this much. 
Sometimes they slip by unnoticed, but not because they aren’t just as monumental as the others.
My wonderfully stalwart and soft-hearted best friend has realized there are other types of losses and last things when your parents have Dementia and Alzheimer’s. She has had a whole year of “lasts” with her Mom and her Dad.
There was the last drive in the car, the last trip in the Motor home, the last time to pay a bill or run to the store. She has been with them through it all.
Yesterday was still another. Last time to take your Mom to the movies. First, she got lost. She said she didn’t have to “go” but changed her mind and went into a stall. Since she has the habit of wandering off, Elaine circled the theatre area, and then the parking lot. A lady said, “She went that way…..” Then, out loud during the movie her Mom kept saying, “This movie is weird.”
And she ate one kernel of popcorn at a time and then picked her teeth….and you don’t want to know what she did with what she found in her teeth. Imagine what a small child would do if they didn’t know any better. Alzheimer’s is ugly. And mean spirited. It has no mercy.
It was another last of many lasts. And the strain of it all makes her wonder if she is living her lasts as well……how do you grieve what never was in the first place? Part of the sorrow is knowing how it could have been And will you know the right time to say, “when?” Can you trust someone else to give you permission to lay it down?
And all the relatives wonder why she keeps trying. Why she can’t just put her in a home somewhere. Why she can’t let go. Everyone else has cut them loose. After all, their parents never really invested in their lives, or the lives of their Grand kids. You don’t grieve what was never there, after all. You just live your life as if they don’t exist.
And the time and memories are like water rushing under a bridge…..sometimes, regrettably, not nearly fast enough. And that time is getting closer every day.
And sometimes the saddest thing we can learn from others is how not to live a life…….
And when the end does come, she will have known she did all she could with the help of her Savior who knows and sees all. She is doing what she must do, right now, one day, one moment at a time, and trusting Him to let her heart know when it is time to let go.
Your eyes saw my substance, being yet unformed. And in Your book they all were written,The days fashioned for me,when as yet there were none of them……….Psalm 139:16

Peace……

These things I have spoken unto you, that in me ye might have peace. In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world. John 16:33

I am learning you have to work for peace. You can’t just settle back and say, “I am just going to sit here and be peaceful.” To get peace you have to seek it, desire it. Be intentional about staying that way…….Jesus was peace, and yet everywhere He went there was commotion. Upheaval. And in the middle of it all, He had the Father’s peace. That kind of peace is what we need in the middle of our world, in the middle of ourselves.

And it is reachable, because of Jesus.

And it is a battle. Sometimes in order to get that peace you have to fight for it. Sometimes as soon as you have set your mind on that peace, all of life conspires against your getting it. But you can get it. Actually, you already have it as a believer.

That peace is what attracts the world. That peace is what attracted them to Jesus.

They watched Him as the Sanhedrin tried their best to ruffle His feathers, but they never could. And they walked away shaking their heads, confounded.

Puzzled.

Even though Jesus was peace, and we have that same peace, there are times when He needed to find a quiet place. I love to think of Him sitting by the lapping shores of the lake, or climbing up onto a mountain where He could see His creation for miles…..Finding a little place to sit where he could pray…..far from the crowd, where He could hear the birds, listen to the wind in the trees, hear His Father’s voice.

I like to envision a well in my soul. It’s the one I draw from, the one with the living water in it. Unlike every other well built by man, this one has no bottom…..

It’s source is eternal. And it never fails to quench the thirst in my soul.

Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life. Proverbs 4:23……

And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:7

Peace is my word for this year. Did God give you a word for 2012?

Childlike Faith

But when Jesus saw this, He was indignant and said to them, “Permit the children to come to Me; do not hinder them; for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these. Truly I say to you, whoever does not receive the kingdom of God like a child will not enter it at all.” Mark 10:12,13
When Jesus heard the disciples rebuke those parents, He in turn rebuked them. He really upset about it, in fact. I like coming back to this picture of Jesus again and again, because it is clear how much He valued the childlike faith of children.
Why is it so easy for children to believe…..to have faith in something they can’t see? Not only do they have the faith, they act on it. It is no problem for them to grasp the concept of knowing in order for something to really work, they have to put it into practice. They leave money under the pillow for the tooth fairy…..and lo and behold, the money is there when they wake up. It doesn’t really matter to them how it works, they just take it in faith that it will because their parents told them it will.
And somehow it happens just that way. That is, until they find out it was their parents all along hiding the money under the pillow and putting the cookies out for Santa.  
We forget what was once so easy…..so natural. We get too smart to put our faith in something we can’t see. Like God. But the problem is that God says that unless we do just that, we will never see Him. We will never enter His kingdom…..
So we spend the rest of our Christian walk trying to get back to that place of faith.
I miss my childlike faith. I too have cashed in on the world system. Let’s face it, it’s easier. I go to work, I get paid. I buy what I need. I get sick, I go to the doctor. Then if I don’t get better I pray.
It’s a process of going back, all our lives. Of letting go, unclenching our fists to give back to God what was His all along. I miss my childlike faith.
My Mom tells me that when I was first saved at aged 14, I was the one who really gave her the faith to give when she didn’t have it. I remember praying together for a refrigerator when ours went out. My Mom had no idea where the money would come from. There was certainly not enough for one of those. Then, God answered our prayer of faith by supplying one that was almost new…..for 25 dollars!
I remember that refrigerator lasted for years and years.
I love to watch my niece at the beach. It is no problem for her to believe she can build a castle fit for a queen out of water and sand. The water washes it away and she starts all over again……
She has faith that whatever she believes can happen.
Lord, give me that kind again.

God’s Language is Love

                      
In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans. And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for God’s people in accordance with the will of God. Romans 8:26, 27
So many times I search for the right words….I falter. No words express what I am trying to say. It’s frustrating! But we need not ever search for the right words…..The Holy Spirit always knows the perfect words. It is as if He is laying out my heart before the Father, in the Father’s own language!
At one point in my Christian walk, I was almost obsessed with having a “prayer language.” I wanted to know everything I could about speaking in tongues. I read books, I talked to other Christians, I prayed for the gift. I wanted the “experience.” A pastor friend I know says he prayed for the gift and months later he was driving down the road and was so overcome with emotion he had to pull over. Then he spoke in tongues for the first time.
At one point, I went so far as going to a church meeting and having the pastor pray for me to “get it” right then and there. Nothing came forth…….not one utterance. He prayed…….I waited. And waited. Not one Holy peep. He told me, “Just praise God out loud.” I did, well, not really loud, in English.
Me and another lady were ushered off to the side where we were prayed for again, to no avail. She seemed somewhat upset. I mumbled something out loud and they thought they had success, “Glory to God!” I went and sat down just so they could stop praying.
Looking back, parts of this meeting now seem very humorous, although not in an irreverent way. It was an evening spent with people who loved God gathering together for one purpose, to praise Him. The motive in my heart was pure. That’s what God saw. My prayer may not have been answered the way I wanted it that night, but not because of what anyone did or didn’t do. Not the Pastor, not me, not anyone….certainly not God.
One day, many months after that night while I was vacuuming I started singing and praising God….in another language. It came quietly and unannounced, like a gentle dove. I didn’t lose control, I didn’t black out or fall to the floor. I was completely coherent and rational. And that is how its been every time since. It is my prayer language and only God hears it. It is His gift to me and it is precious.
And it came in His timing. And whatever you believe about this particular topic, the Holy Spirit is very much alive and working in the hearts of men and women today.
I know there are some denominations who teach that without this gift, you aren’t saved. I have never read that in the Bible. I also know some denominations that say it’s not for today, it only happened once on the day of Pentecost. All I know is it happened to me. Regardless, we never have to worry about either having a prayer language or not having one, God always hears the cry of our heart.
Not only do we have Jesus actively interceding before the Throne of the Father, we have the Holy Spirit interceding for us in our prayers! That unspoken request that is in your heart today? Be assured, it has already been communicated in the best language….God’s language! And His language is always
Love