Lent Day #11: Putting my heart through the wash cycle


I head out to my car, again for some quiet time. And today I really have nothing, nada, no idea what “word manna” will come down if any. All I have is my inner assurance that something will. I have never done anything like this. It’s like a Holy experiment because I have determined that I will not write anything just for the sake of ticking one more post off the list, but to be silent until I receive something from the Holy Spirit. And like the manna that fell like snow for the Israelites in the desert, words can’t be left over. And neither can they be written ahead.

I open the sunroof and the sound of birdsong drifts in. A mockingbird is singing his heart out from a nearby Mesquite tree and clouds are blowing in. A change is in the air. The wind in the trees somehow mimics the sounds of ocean waves. Imagine that, here in the desert! God brings me the ocean even here. He loves to give us little surprises to see if we will notice.

Slowly I scroll through the Bloglists on Facebook until I get to one that leads further in to this site: www.21martyrs.com and I hear Jesus words and they stop me in my tracks and then it hits me. This is my message for today:

Dear friends, don’t be afraid of those who want to kill your body; they cannot do any more to you after that.” Luke 12:4
But I say, love your enemies! Pray for those who persecute you!

“Surely not these atrocious acts, Lord.” Then I remembered how Saul looked in approval on as Stephen was stoned to death, before the Lord called him and he was renamed Paul. Ever since I have seen those 21 paraded out before the world, I have felt a searing hate for those with the knives. After all, I am an American patriot. We go after our enemies don’t we? Yes, part of me would love to see them wiped off the face of the earth. And yet.

Don’t I call myself a disciple of Jesus? A follower of the Way?

To forgive the unforgivable, that’s what Jesus did. Even while He was still hanging on the cross. And He calls us to do the same, impossible as it may seem. One thing I do know, everyone who dies for the sake of the Gospel and for Jesus will never die in vain. I believe God is calling us to pray, more now than ever before.

And I believe that these horrific acts that continue to color the ground red will lead to Heaven’s gates swinging open to others that may never have entered in otherwise.

As I sat there in my car listening to the trees that sounded like waves, I felt like my heart was being washed clean. I felt convicted. I felt the tide of hate in me recede just a little bit. I still hate what those people did, and God does too. But Jesus had to go to the cross because of my sin too, not just theirs. For there is no “little sin” or “big sin” in God’s eyes. It’s all the same.

And I know the only way I can possibly hope to forgive the unforgivable is to do it with His power and not my own. And by believing that anyone can be redeemed.

Because I was.

Let’s all pray. Join me over the next 40 days. For further reading please check out what Ann Voskamp has to say below.




3 thoughts on “Lent Day #11: Putting my heart through the wash cycle

  1. Really appreciated this. Today, while the world is in chaos, a bit of chaos entered my family (I’ve got two teens)… They are such a blessing to me – because they are training me for war – and I am training them! They can be so hateful – and I can be so rage-filled on the inside. But, the self-control required in these tough times IS showing up – on both sides.

    I find that I need to stand firm – for both our sake. I know I need to forgive – for both our sake. I know I need to show them that I’m comfortable with my humanity, so that they are comfortable with where they are at right now. Then, I need to show them what I require of them…what I know I need to bring to the table, that I’m not…

    Well! That was a bit of a segue, eh? But, this is where my personal thoughts went…and I feel like “my heart is being put through a wash cycle!” 🙂

    re: war image…”The weapons of our warfare are not carnal, but are mighty in God, for the pulling down of strongholds.”

  2. Oh wow, thank you so much for the comment. And I am glad for the segue because in my heart I want people to read what I write and maybe find something they can use or find meaningful in their own life. Not to mention that it opens a little door of communication so we can share our struggles, we all have them! So I will be sure to include you on my prayer list during morning prayer time. Anyone that raises teenagers deserves a medal in my opinion. Be blessed and have courage, God will see you through (and the kids as well!)

  3. Thank you, Lori, as you just wait upon the Lord to speak with you.

    Fresh manna is always better, as it feeds the soul daily, and He promises to make His provision a daily occurrence.

    I can’t help but think that as we allow God’s forgiveness to touch us, then we can forgive those closest to us, because I think freedom is part of His expression of forgiveness.

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