As I type this I hear the roar of the fire engine as it comes down my street. The lights were flashing today, that means there is still hope they are alive, though the siren wasn’t on. In a retirement community this happens a lot. Living here there are more than the usual reminders of the thin line of mortality. That can be a good thing. The residents here keep a healthy attitude about it, we all call it the meat wagon. Yes, it is kind of sick but a healthy sense of humor goes a long way, and behind the humor there is caring. It’s a close-knit community.

This morning, after I lit the heater in the shop where I pray I went out briefly as I always do to gaze at the stars. I felt the Presence of God there with me and I was thankful once again for the gift of seeing Him, feeling Him. I grabbed my coffee and settled in my chair, the heater sputtering warmth on my feet. I opened to the story where Abraham goes to the mountain to sacrifice Isaac and for the second time in two days I run into another speed bump in the Word.

As I read, I felt my faith shrink and shrivel away to almost nothing.

Who on earth could measure up to that? And what kind of kid would go along with it and how much faith did he have to have, and wouldn’t he have argued? Wouldn’t have he refused to get up on that pile of firewood? And how could God even ask such a thing, even knowing He wasn’t going to make Abraham go along with it.

I wrestled and I wrestled, as I always have with this passage. And there in the flickering light, I asked God how it is that He can love me, knowing I will never do anything as big as that. Knowing how small my faith is?  And then the answer came and nestled softly in my heart. “I love you because my heart is big enough for everyone, even those whose faith is small.” Then I remembered the mustard seed and I smiled through my tears.

The God who loves Abraham loves me too. And suddenly the story all fit together, it all made sense. It was all meant to be and I have my own small part in eternity just like Abraham had his.

God loves me, the proof is in the cross.

Then Jesus told him, “Because you have seen me, you have believed; blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed.” John 20:29