Prayer

The Snow Day

IMG_3467

Tuesday night my little corner of the desert took a cue from the rest of the country and got uncharacteristically cold and gray. When dawn drew aside her curtain we were treated to a view that was almost Holy.

Snow had dusted the top of the Superstition Mountains…..and all day long my camera beckoned from its place on the shelf.

I needed to get closer to that view…..closer to God. I drove through rain-soaked drizzle and felt the snap in the air as I waited for the heater to kick in.

My spirit was bogged down with an anchor that held my heart fast, kept it from sailing free.

IMG_3477

And in this life isn’t there almost always a pain, a heartache, an issue, “a thing” to weigh down our hearts?  But I have learned one very important bit of wisdom in my time on this earth.

Really, you could say that it is one of the most important lessons to learn.

God is always there too, and He’s always bigger than the thing, whatever that thing  is.

IMG_3480

Sometimes, we just need to know that He remembers us down here; that’s how I found myself praying that day, as I drove.

Remember me Lord…….remember me as You remembered Noah, Moses and Abraham.

See this woman down here; this woman driving around getting lost looking for the perfect view of the mountain, the perfect view of You. One who worries about her family. Remember me as my pain blooms to life once again by something I see that reminds me of what used to be.

IMG_3478

And then somehow, a miracle does happen because it’s not only God remembering me, but me remembering God, and all the big things He’s brought us through before and I know He will again.

On days when we’d rather throw the covers over our head, what we need to do is swing our feet over the side of the bed and ask God what kind of miracle you and He are going to pull off together. It’s what I had to do this morning……

I remember You, God. And today I will set my sights on Heaven.

Since you have been raised to new life with Christ, set your sights on the realities of heaven, where Christ sits in the place of honor at God’s right hand. Think about the things of heaven, not the things of earth. For you died to this life, and your real life is hidden with Christ in God. And when Christ, who is your life, is revealed to the whole world, you will share in all his glory. Colossians 3:1-4

Of Planks and Beams

377746_4371872096959_648889332_n

I wasn’t going to go out to the prayer shed today…..it was gray and a bit chilly and I just ran out of propane in my little heater yesterday, so I lit a candle in the living room. But it wasn’t the same. The light in the sky drew me out anyway,  that’s a sacred part of the day and I hate missing it.

It wasn’t really that cold once I got out there, so I grabbed my coffee, lit my little lantern and settled in my chair.

It felt right…….I need the separateness of my “closet.”

I thought about the conversation I was going to have soon. It is inevitable. I thought about all the ways it could go, what I will say, working it all out in my mind. It’s always so hard when it’s someone you love. But it’s for love’s sake that I must have it.

I will trust the Holy Spirit with my words. He speaks way better than I ever could.

I opened my Bible and it fell to the part where Jesus is talking about beams and specks and sawdust depending on which translation you read, and He’s not talking about construction. So today, I am working on my beam…..the one that gets lodged in my own eye from time to time. I am making sure it’s cleared out before I start looking for specks somewhere else.

I will post about Haiti tomorrow, but this was fighting its way out and it had to come first.

Until then, Jesus and I will be working on my beam together.

“Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.” Matthew 7:3-5

Thankfulness and the poop of life

559127_3860196545390_828885607_n
For the first 15 minutes of prayer this morning my mind just zoomed like those little cars going around a toy racetrack. I remember my Dad  and brother snapping those tracks together on Christmas morning, and I can still hear the sound of those little cars that never went quite fast enough without jumping off the little grooves.

After two years of being out in the elements in our Arizona room….yes, it has walls, but they are not made to keep out the cold or heat….Elaine moved herself back into her bedroom on Saturday.

It was a big victory and it surprised me how much better it made me feel. I think I needed it to happen as much as she did. And now that she is back inside, she marvels how she did it out there so long. In the summer she literally slept on ice packs. It was more bearable in winter, but the noise of the freeway kept her awake many nights.

The heating and cooling bill will go down now, since we aren’t keeping that door wide open. I just have to get my cat used to the fact that he doesn’t have free access now, that he has to use the cat door and go around. He made it known he wasn’t happy with that plan this morning by pooping right in the middle of the floor. He may not be able to speak but he can communicate in other ways.

It’s an apt reminder to me that in the midst of daily life, there is always some form of poop to deal with right along with the good stuff. We just have to handle it right.

I realized this morning that I haven’t participated in Ann’s One Thousand Gifts count for a long time. I have kept counting in my heart but not here, so today I measure out my gratitude once again. It won’t ever be enough for a God who has given us everything, but it’s a start.

#957 Elaine having a place of peace, a refuge once more, being able to get a good night’s rest again.

#958 Having the house smell good again. Elaine’s Mom, as most Alzheimer’s patients didn’t like to bathe and it was a battle every time.

#959 No more chinese fire drill at mealtimes, let the reader understand how difficult mealtimes are with Alzheimer’s patients.

#960 Leaving without worrying what Joyce might do at the house to endanger herself.

#961 Being able to make a noise in the kitchen again without her coming out distressed, Alzheimer’s patients find sudden noise disturbing.

#962 Being able to leave mail out again in the open without it being opened or moved.

#963 Knowing she is safe and getting good food in her new place.

#964 That Elaine can work again without the stress of having another full-time job at home.

#965 Being able to go on a vacation or weekend away again, both of us at once.

I pause unbelievingly as I realize we are on the cusp of Lent once again. I head there bringing my tears and my heart on His altar, thankful He no longer requires a living animal, but also knowing that it’s even harder to place my whole heart there. And that’s saying a lot coming from someone who doesn’t even like stepping on ants.

I leave you with two truths today to ponder………

Sometimes a veil of tears allows us to see God clearer. He is near to the brokenhearted.

Sometimes God is the only one Big enough to hold us. He has promised never to leave or forsake us.

Filling in the blanks

There are scattered clouds over the Superstition mountains this morning,  a bit like my header picture, and the moon is still up shining through the window where I sit reminding me as it always does that God is near. I think He gave us the moon not so much for its light, but because it’s really hard to deny God when you stare at the moon.  And you can’t very well stare at the sun.

When  I see the moon, I see the light of His face shining back at me,  His tangible way of saying, “I am still here, and it’s gonna be okay.”

I needed that assurance today. This morning was one of those mornings when I didn’t have many words for God, I felt silence was best. Some prayer times are like that, and it’s okay.  I just held the names softly in my heart for Him to see.

This morning my mind got caught up in the game of what if. Every now and then I go down that old path, rethinking my steps away from my hometown, away from my family all those years ago. I wonder how things would have been different if we had opted to stay behind when the company moved.  That kind of thinking is never constructive, and I don’t believe it’s a path God wants any of us to go down unless it leads to some positive change for right now.

It also ignores every good step in between, and there have been a lot of those. Steps that were important. Steps that lead us to where we are right now. And where we are now is good.

Besides, that kind of regretful thinking is a little bit like putting myself on the throne instead of God.

Sometimes the mind insists going on rabbit trails that lead to dark empty holes.

I reel my mind back in as I turn my gaze back to the fading moon and know that long after it fades from my view, it is still there. Just like God.  Every day we have a choice………..we can either give Him His rightful place on the throne or replace Him with someone or something else. Today I will put Him back where He belongs. And I take comfort in the fact that He can restore lost years and change the hearts that need changing.

Right now, I will open the Psalms to the highlighted yellow, verses that never fail to bring God near and fill in all those empty places of uncertainty with His comfort. The Psalms are great for filling in the blanks on the page, and in the heart.

Selah…..(I don’t know what that means but it sounded good here)

Psalms 9:8-9 “The Lord also will be a refuge for the oppressed, A refuge in times of trouble. And those who know Your name will put their trust in You; for You, Lord, have not forsaken those who seek You.” Psalm 9:8,9

Psalms 37:23 “The steps of a good man (or woman) are ordered by The Lord, And He delights in his way. Though he fall, he shall not be utterly cast down; For The Lord upholds him with His hand. Psalms 37:23

Prayer for Kate and her family

l_wgUXdGQhEzKemzaD

Since 2009 a large group of people have been praying for this courageous girl, Kate McRae and her family. Please click the link to read her remarkable story and pray along with me for this amazing girl who is filled with wisdom, grace and strength beyond her years.

I will be doing some blog hopping today to read some of your wonderful blogs…….

Have a great day and look for the small miracles all around you!

Do you not know?
Have you not heard?
The Lord is the everlasting God,
the Creator of the ends of the earth.
He will not grow tired or weary,
and his understanding no one can fathom.
He gives strength to the weary
and increases the power of the weak. Isaiah 40:28,29

Letting the rain speak

IMG_3238

I was presented with a gift this morning, it was the pitter patter of rain on my little tin roof. I thought I should give God the respect to stop and listen instead of opening my windbag of prayer requests right away, so I settled back and did just that. Thank you God, for letting me hear You in it this morning. Rain is somewhat of a miraculous thing in the desert. It makes the news. We go outside and gaze at the clouds to see what direction they’re moving to see if we will get more. And Arizona is the only place I have ever experienced the curious phenomena of rain in the front yard and blue skies in the back.

The thought of rain can incite different things when you are in a tent.  Fear and dread. Of course the sound of rain on canvas has its own kind of magic, but it’s never a good feeling when you realize you forgot the plastic tarp.

After I thanked God for the gift of the rain, I brought a few before the Throne. For me there is always a readjustment of sorts when I pray, a pulling back, thinking who do I think I am anyway, to enter into that Holy of Holies? Then I remember that when He looks at me He sees me just as I am, but He also sees His Son superimposed in my heart. He tells me that I should come boldly before the Throne, so I do.

Once again I run like a kid into my Daddy’s office where He’s working and though sometimes I think He has every right to shoo me away impatiently He never does. He grabs me……and hugs me, and in His eyes I see nothing but love.

Today in my Bible reading plan, one of the Chapters was Matthew 10. I wondered how it applied to me, here in my comfortable chair, here in my place of peace. I will probably never be flogged in any synagogue, or be brought before any governing authority and be questioned about my faith. I haven’t cured anyone of leprosy lately, or of anything else for that matter.

But this is what I love about Jesus. He spoke to me in those verses anyway. And just when I was feeling like I was less than anyone I read about in Scripture, He assured me that He loves me very much. And as He spoke to my heart, He told me the most important thing I could do here in my corner of the world is to be a conduit for His love, and to not let those things like anger, bitterness, impatience crop up so that the gifts of His Holy Spirit can’t come through.

And He also told me that this little blog can be a perfectly good testimony for Him because in it, I tell others what wonderful things He does in my life, every single day.

Thanks, God. You just have a way of reminding me everyday of just how wonderfully you love me.

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit. Ephesians 5:22-25

Miracle in the parking lot

IMG_3460

“Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.” John 14:27

Lately, it has been hard to keep emotion under control. Always, it threatens to break like a breach in a dam when it finally gives way. She is in the last stages, (she sincerely hopes) of placing her Mom in a care facility. In between her bus route this morning she was doing her other job, collecting paperwork for the placement process. If you are a private pay patient it’s a whole different scenario; they wave you in like royalty, roll out the red carpet, fresh flowers in the room and all that, but her Mom is not. When you are dependent on the State, you have to jump through hoop after hoop. Today was yet another visit by yet another case worker. And really, they have been very cooperative….for that we are thankful.

But lately, she has begun to lose hope in the process. It is wearing her down.

Behind weary eyes she confides her fears……”It’s not going to happen, I’ve resigned myself to it.” She feels like giving up, and I am doing my level best to convince her that we are at the tail end. Right now, that’s my whole goal, to give a fresh supply of hope. To help her along and be her strength when she has none.

Just now, as I type this, her Mom is taking a plate of food out to the living room, balanced precariously. I know that potato chip crumbs will end up all over the floor I just vacuumed. But that part doesn’t matter anymore. That’s small stuff.

When you are a caregiver it seems like nobody notices all the hundreds of little things you do, certainly not the one you are caring for. Sometimes you need a little verification that God sees you, that He’s still there. Today, as she was finishing up at her Dad’s care home she noticed two folded pieces of paper half hidden under a tire. Something made her stop and pick them up. Opening them, she found two beautifully handwritten pages of prayers:

Two pages of hope.

At the top of each prayer was a verse:

Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid. John 14:27

Who is God besides the Lord? And who is the Rock except our God? 2 Samuel 22:32

Just when she needed it most, a sign…..and those notes may as well have floated down from Heaven itself. I would love to know who wrote two such beautiful prayers. They must have needed some confirmation as well. I find myself wondering what set of circumstances led them to it? We will probably never know, but I would love to tell them how much their words helped.

To honor the one who prayed I am including one of them below:

Often, when people are experiencing problems, or if they need advice, they turn to a friend for help. But human effort always falls short. If you find yourself in a difficult situation, don’t underestimate the power and love of God. Complete healing flows from an absolute and unconditional trust in and surrender to the living Christ. It doesn’t matter what your problem is, the only lasting solution is to be found in the unfathomable love which God through Jesus, bestowed on humanity. Never be too proud or too afraid to turn to Jesus. Lay all your problems at His feet. He gave His life for you and will grant you the healing balm of His peace.

I want to hold on to you Lord, when the storm winds blow and I feel insecure. Grant me your peace. Amen.

An unknown writer

 This is our miracle today. I thank you, whoever you are who wrote that. I hope you found the help and peace you were looking for, we certainly did.

IMG_3461

“Jesus, your words are troubling me again.”

Come away.....

Jesus, your words trouble me. Just started a new Bible reading plan and ran into my first major speed bump on day 7. I have read these words so many times and yet when I read them today I had to close my Bible and have a conversation with God.
 
It’s funny how I breezed through all the other verses so easily. It was all black and white, all so right, that is until I got to this verse: 

“But I say, do not resist an evil person! If someone slaps you on the right cheek, offer the other cheek also.”

It is one of those many troubling things that Jesus said, and I could not seem to sail over it as easily as I did all the others.  

It’s because when I read it, I kept thinking of an incident that happened just recently in my hometown. A 91-year-old lady was beaten within an inch of her life, one very well-known in the community and known to my family, when two thugs broke in to her home. She had just come in from watching a bicycle race that was going by her house when they followed her in.

I think they got a TV but that’s about it.

Her husband was home at the time but out in the back doing work in their orchard when it happened. She managed to live through the terrible ordeal after spending weeks in intensive care.

I am having a hard time reconciling the events I hear about each and every day with this verse. I hear about someone breaking into a store and I want to cheer when I hear the shopkeeper had a gun and they used it. I want to defend what is mine, what I have worked for. And I want others to have the right to do the same.

I am struggling with this hard saying today, because I look at all the evil in our society and I think that they are taking over and we have to take it back.

I think of places in my childhood that used to be safe and they aren’t anymore and that’s sad; so many places taken over by thugs and gangs and drugs.

And what if, God forbid, something should happen to my own folks like what happened to Mrs. Kezsler? Could I truly forgive?

No doubt the Israelites struggled with what Jesus said too. After all, they were an oppressed people, ruled over by an evil empire for hundreds of years up until then. They thought He would free them, and He did, but not how they were expecting, but with love, forgiveness, the cross.

And today I guess He came how I wasn’t expecting either.

I realize again, that all battles start and end in the heart, and I only have to look as far as the cross for my answer.

I didn’t plan for this message today, but it seems fitting, the day we celebrate Martin Luther King’s life and legacy. His message still rings clear after all these years:

” Hatred paralyzes life; Love releases it. Hatred confuses life; Love harmonizes it; Hatred darkens life; Love illuminates it “

Join me at the foot of the cross today, in prayer for our nation. I am thankful that no matter who is in the White House, my God is still on the Throne.

The Word that opens the door

IMG_1808

This morning as usual, I was distracted during prayer time. This time of year, there are so many things vying for our attention, and yet this one thing I cannot let go. This being with God in the morning. I had gone out earlier and lit my little heater and my candle. The shop was toasty by the time I got back in. I settled with my steaming mug….and then I was thinking about all the things on my list.

The cooky dough that was thawing on the counter.

My blog, and the changes I want to make around the first of the year.

The cookies in the freezer I still need to frost.

The things I need to ship……the uncoming trip……yada yada yada.

So I did the thing I always do when I am trying to turn my attention back to the Lord who really really deserves it. I opened the Word. That is always the doorway that leads to Him. His words spill over the page, and they are not just words some men wrote, but words the Holy Spirit wrote through those men.

I thought how He uses us as conduit, to reach a world that is desperately in need of Him. And I thought of the journey I have been on thus far and how much the Lord has brought me through. And it always makes me cry, because His faithfulness to me is endless.

My eyes fell on Psalm 18 where I had left my marker:

He reached down from on high and took hold of me;
    he drew me out of deep waters.
He rescued me from my powerful enemy,
    from my foes, who were too strong for me.
They confronted me in the day of my disaster,
    but the Lord was my support.
He brought me out into a spacious place;
    he rescued me because he delighted in me. 16-19

I thought of all the times the Lord has rescued me from myself…….again and again.

And and I love verses 27-29:

You save the humble
    but bring low those whose eyes are haughty.
You, Lord, keep my lamp burning;
    my God turns my darkness into light.
With your help I can advance against a troop;
    with my God I can scale a wall.

I thought of all the situations in my life where there was most certainly a wall. And there was no going around it. I had to get through it. And it was and is prayer that has got me through……every single time.

Selah. God has marked the start of my day, He has taken note of it, this time together we share.

Conviction in the Kitchen

IMG_2093

My little place of prayer

We had a Thanksgiving dinner yesterday.

The one we would have had if I had not worked and she had not been gone. It was perfect, just the favorites, turkey, stuffing, dumplings and cranberries, not even anything green, which is almost impossible for me to do.  We played Christmas music and sang in the kitchen while we were cooking and it was a good afternoon. There was only one mishap when we left for a few minutes, but it turned out okay. The timer went off earlier than we thought and it was buzzing when we came in the door and instead of turning the oven to off, Joyce had turned it to broil.

The foil “tent” saved us. And it hadn’t been on very long, luckily.

Elaine made Joyce’s plate first and got her seated, which is extremely necessary otherwise her Mom will stand in the middle of the kitchen not knowing how or where to start.

It was hovering in the air……the prayer I felt. You can’t very well have Thanksgiving without a prayer. So I snagged her as she fixed her plate and made her a party to my “on the fly” prayer. She bowed her head as I prayed, what else could she do? I said, “That’s okay, right? I wanted to avoid…….” Of course, she knew what I was trying to avoid. The prayer at the table.

Because to be honest right now? Praying at the table is hard because I have all these conflicting emotions. To be honest I want to gulp my glass of wine and start eating. Mealtimes have been stressful, not relaxing.

She looked up after my hasty Amen. She knew I was looking for justification. She said, “Do what you can live with in your heart.” And the words dropped like warm rain of grace onto my heart because she said them with such love. “Yes, it would be easier not to, and my Mom really doesn’t care one way or the other, but it’s for Him.”

And those words of conviction hit their mark like fiery darts. She and the Holy Spirit were working as a team and it really wasn’t fair. But she was right, and there was power behind her words; it’s how she has lived these very hard two years, really the whole of her life.

Because though her parents have never treated her right, she has been Jesus to them, again and again.

We got seated, and with a freshly washed cleansed and convicted heart, I said a prayer. And I felt it.

As I prayed this morning in my “Prayer Shed” I thanked God for friends who love enough to convict me and turn me around. Who don’t cut me any slack. And I know she is thankful for me for the exact same reasons.

Thanking the Lord for His endless patience with me today.