How to remain soft (when the world gets too hard)

In any given day we are exposed to hundreds of bits and pieces of information at rapid fire pace. Some of them are totally useless. This is why I listen to the news only enough to know what is going on in the world and no more.

We live in a world of sensationalism; of endless noise, where the biggest, saddest story gets the headlines. It’s the stories that hold the most tragedy, the most grief that are waived endlessly in front of our eyes all day long. I wonder what all this does to our psyches?

For the most part, there is little we can do about any of the events we hear about every day. Added on top of that, we have family, friends, jobs and responsibilities. Things and people who can’t wait.

We tend to filter it all out in order of importance, but some of the other stuff leaks in anyway. We have to let some things slide. In fact, it gets easier and easier to let more things slide. How do we deal with all these things we can do nothing about? It’s a question I have been asking myself.

While I was back home, there were two obituaries in the paper. A young girl and a young man who should have had everything to live for committed suicide. One of them jumped in front of a train and the other shot herself. And then hungry displaced Ukrainian children and the missing Malaysian flight with 239 people…..gone.

I wonder if we are all much more desensitized than we realize. I wonder if it’s all making me more desensitized to events in my own world than I realize? It scares me to think that.

In the world of long ago, many of us lived in small communities. We knew each other and each others families. When Sally fell into a well, or when Billy fell off the tractor, we all gathered together to help. When someone died, we all cried together, prayed together.

We dressed in black and went to the funeral, brought food to the family.

And slowly everyone healed. Grew closer together. We had a sense of resolution. It felt like some kind of closure.

But now I wonder. And it makes me think that what I do is even more important than ever. This getting alone with God in the mornings. As of late, I have been thinking that maybe it’s just something I do out of habit like reciting a memorized prayer by rote.

But even memorized prayers have words with meaning, words that God can fan into flame with His power just like He can ignite our hearts to love all over again.

I think of Jesus when He was on this earth. I think of how hard it must have been to see the heartache and know that He could have just waved His hand and taken it all away. But He didn’t. He healed hearts and people one at a time, just like He wants us to do now.

Jesus had the ability to display perfect empathy in every situation. One person at a time. And He had to get away for a while too, even though He was God.

He got alone by the water, alone on the mountain. Who are we to think we don’t need to?

Yesterday the parking lot beckoned like an oasis. On break I went out to my quiet car because my brain just wouldn’t quit. I closed my eyes and remembered the sound of the waves.

I was worried about my Mom who was sick and my Dad whose body is failing him in many ways. And I felt my brother’s wounds and sorrow too. I heard my niece processing her fears of missing me “when Nori goes back to work,” and I heard my Mom’s voice as she wistfully said, “Mom’s and daughters shouldn’t be separated.” I agree Mom. I hear you, you’re right. I felt it all, along with the joy.

As I sat there with the sun warming my shoulders, I threw a line of prayer out every now and then, not feeling it much. With my eyes still closed, I startled when I heard the rustle of wings close, and the unmistakable squeak of a dove as she landed. Right on the lip of my sunroof.

She stood staring down at me, so close we were almost eye to eye. I thought she might just fly into the car, but she just looked at me for a moment and flew off. It was a visitation. One moment of a hundred others in the day that stood out. A God moment.

And heading home, welcome words from a text on my phone.

“I am not going to the gym, I made dinner.” Oh, how I needed those words. A peaceful and restful evening after steak and asparagus. Oh yes, I will go to the gym tomorrow.

But for right now, this is how I heal. This is how we all heal each other.

Because sometimes, even after vacations, you still need a little rest.

God’s Pop Quizzes

There are times when we feel the Lord’s Presence very keenly, and there are those times when we just lean back on our trust because we know He’s there. Sometimes He likes to surprise us. I expect to feel the brush of the Holy Spirit when I am in prayer but I don’t always. And sometimes when I least expect Him, He’s there.

Sometimes He likes to give me a little pop quiz to see what my faith is made of.

There is something about the cloak of early morning blackness that makes God so much nearer. I had five minutes to spare this morning and I took it. Settling on the couch with my coffee, I sighed. “Oh, Lord, where would I be without You?” It was a one-liner prayer. Lately, I have been saying a lot of those.

Sometimes you just don’t want to use that many words so you let the silence say the rest. God knows.

He answered me immediately by filling up the space next to me. I remembered other mornings, other prayers. Prayers without which I never would have gotten up and out the door, said by dear ones all through my life. How have I been so rich? This one I will add to my collection to the others safely tucked away.

I love how God surprises with little times of refreshing. I certainly do nothing to deserve them, it’s always grace, only grace, simply grace…….It’s His unmerited favor that holds me close, that makes each day a gift worth unwrapping.

The Holy Spirit comes as comforter and draws us close to remind us that we are His children, and no matter what else we might feel is so pressing, so serious, so immediate.

It is this that matters most. That you took the time to rend me a little hole in clouds so that the Heavens could reach me. Just because it pleased You to do it.

Thank you, Precious Lord. Even though the CD that I wanted to listen to skipped on every song on my way to work it didn’t matter. Turns out I didn’t need it anyway. I coasted to work on clouds of Your great grace and unending mercy.

Your steadfast love, O Lord, is as great as all the heavens. Your faithfulness reaches beyond the clouds. Your justice is as solid as God’s mountains. Your decisions are as full of wisdom as the oceans are with water. You are concernedfor men and animals alike. How precious is your constant love, O God! All humanity takes refuge in the shadow of your wings. You feed them with blessings from your own table and let them drink from your rivers of delight. Psalm 36:5-8

When Faith Becomes Real

When life comes crashing down or you come crashing into it, you have to decide that ultimately, Christianity is much more than raising your hand in church “with every eye closed and every head bowed.” It’s much more than inviting Jesus to live in your heart, more than flannel board stories you learned in Sunday School.

Sometimes, the truth is: Jesus is not warm and fuzzy. He is gritty, hard and real, and so is the path He invites us to tread. When you have no strength left and the sun is blocked by a pile of problems that feel like they are stacked as tall as Everest, it is then that your faith becomes real.

Ultimately, you come to the realization that while you did say yes to Him at one point, long before that He made the first move at the dawn of creation when the Trinity formed a huddle and talked about the cross. We didn’t choose Him, He chose us when He decided to come and redeem us.“You didn’t choose me. I chose you. I appointed you to go and produce lasting fruit, so that the Father will give you whatever you ask for, using my name.” John 15:16

If you are like me, you spend lots of time life mulling that over. The rest of your life, really. And hopefully it’s when the light starts to dawn and your life begins to look different. You realize just a little bit of what it really cost Jesus. Just enough that it’s almost paralyzing.

You realize that how you treat people becomes how you treat Jesus and that’s really scary because you, like me, realize how far you still have to go. Sometimes, when I lay awake at night I think that maybe I don’t have what it takes to follow Him, to do whatever He asks.

I wonder why I get to lay in a warm bed when there are people shivering in the streets. The wondering makes me think how sad God must feel to see all the suffering He sees, while He waits to see which one of His kids will step up. I pray, “Bless those that go…..” while being thankful He’s not calling me, or is He?

Far too many times I belly up to the altar of comfort and security. I mix up my own custom batch of pre-packaged Christianity which doesn’t always line up with the Biblical version and hope it’s enough.

Thankfully, He is big enough to handle my cowardly times, which are many. Those times I keep silent when I should speak up. And He’s there for those two in the morning times when I can’t sleep and the cats know I’m restless so they gather close around me and purr. TImes like this morning when for the life of me, I couldn’t remember the next line of the 23rd Psalm, even though I know it by heart.

His love is big enough to handle a person like me who can have a mini crisis of faith at 2 in the morning and forget all about it the next day.

He gets me, because He made me. And nothing I do surprises Him. And He loves me anyway.

Today, I remembered this song we used to sing in church and it fit what I was struggling to put into words today. Maybe you identify with it too. Because it amazes me how His love is big enough to cover everything. Every little part of you and me.

His love is deep, His love is wide
And it covers us
His love is fierce, His love is strong
It’s furious
His love is sweet, His love is wild
And it’s waking hearts to life…….

“Furious” Jeremy Riddle

Christmas adds burden, Christ relieves them

It’s as I am taking her clothes out of the dryer that it hits me. How sad it still is.

It’s been a year since Elaine‘s Mom went into Assisted Living. She still comes to visit through her clothes which I lift out of the dryer one after another along with my thoughts. I see her name, Joyce, printed on the inside of the neckline. That’s what you do once you go there. Things sometimes get lost. Clothes get mixed up like the identities, the individuals that reside there.

Will there be a time when I have my name written on my clothes? That’s a tough question that I would rather not answer.

I hope Jesus comes first.

Her Granddaughter offered to decorate her room for Christmas and she said, “I don’t believe in Christmas.” The Granddaughter recoiled……both shocked and saddened. E. was not surprised. The question remains: When do you stop trying to bring color into someone’s world when gray is where they are most comfortable? Celebrations and decorations make her ill at ease, she asks things like, “Who put those there?”

But bringing color is what we try to do because we think it will help.

Yet sometimes the best kind of helping means we meet them in their world, where they live.

I have just been writing a memory for my Dad and it makes me feel like the keeper of the flame, because keeping those memories alive for another is to stand in a place of honor. The thought flows through my mind like a ghost……..how would it be to have your memory wiped clean? No memory of last year, or even 10 minutes before?

As I lift the clothes out, I remember how hard it was when she was here. So hard. And she is happier there. Her version of happy anyway. So E. continues to meet her in her world. She brings her Snickers because she likes those more than anything. She does what needs doing and she brings hope to the nurses and residents there.

You might think there is not much hope residing there, but hope sometimes comes when and where you least expect it. As E. stopped to talk to the lady who knits, she noticed lots of hats. The lady said, “I am knitting these for the kids…..the kids who have cancer. Is there any way you could see that they get there? To the sick children?”

E. said, her mind racing about when but knowing somehow she would find a way. “Yes, I will make sure they get there. And I will see if I can get a picture to bring back.”

Her face lit up. She is one who wants to bring color to others. Even though she can’t take them herself. Even there she carries hope.

Today, as I rush around and feel the stress of Christmas I remember that though Christmas and all that comes with the celebration of it might carry a weight, it’s only one I put on myself. For Christ never adds a burden, He only relieves it.

I suddenly remember why it is I am doing all this. I turn off the Christmas songs and turn up the praise songs. And I kneel on the dirty floor I still haven’t cleaned. And suddenly I am very happy I am making these cookies. I watch as they puff up in the oven. The stars, the angels, the bells, and the boot. I think of how Lauryn and I will decorate them when I see her. I smile.

I may or may not get to the floor. But somehow it no longer matters.

We dream of something better because……there is.

How perfect is that? Even a quote from Robert Frost on the porch!

Against the background of KBAQ classical I listened absently to the rhythmic sound of tires rolling over rubberized asphalt and relaxed into my 35 minute freeway commute this morning. With the moon peeking through clouds overhead, I imagined being in another place. Anywhere but on my way to work. I dreamed up a perfect Pinterest scene.

In my mind, I was carrying my mug of frothe topped coffee over to a perfect writing spot. A freshly baked scone was already there waiting. And Bach Suites played in the background. As I took that first life-giving sip of the day, I settled into a spot with a comfortable table and even more comfortable chair, facing low windows that opened out. You know the kind.

We all have those places we dream about. There is something inside each one of us that reaches for the heights of somewhere else. We were meant for more than this my friends. While we live in a world of wood, plaster, chipping concrete, and graffiti, and time that wears the years out of everything.

Deep inside we know we were meant for marbled halls and vaulted ceilings.

Personally, I’d like a bit of the beauty of Highclere Castle with the warmth of a cottage smack dap in the middle of Midford, right next to Happy Endings bookstore.

Thankfully, I love my home. When I walk in the door, it’s an oasis. It’s a little bit of how it will feel to finally reach those shores of Heaven. And it will never end.

Heaven is what we were all made for. We were made to last for eternity, and we will. But right now I can have a little bit here, for when I sit at home on a day off, I feel much like the scene I created before. And the beauty of it all is that no matter where I am, I carry Him with me.

That’s what Jesus was talking about when He said the kingdom of Heaven is within you. Right here, right now. We can’t manufacture it for ourselves. It’s God’s great gift.

And until I reach those eternal shores? It’s the next best thing.

One day the Pharisees asked Jesus, “When will the Kingdom of God begin?” Jesus replied, “The Kingdom of God isn’t ushered in with visible signs.You won’t be able to say, ‘It has begun here in this place or there in that part of the country.’ For the Kingdom of God is within you.” Luke 17:20,21

Right now I am work. But at the same time, I am touching the edge of Heaven with my toes in the sand of its shore. Selah.

picture from my Pinterest board labeled “Dream Home.” via flickr

Parable thoughts

Now after a long time the master of those servants came and settled accounts with them. And he who had received the five talents came forward, bringing five talents more, saying, ‘Master, you delivered to me five talents; here I have made five talents more.’ His master said to him, ‘Well done, good and faithful servant.You have been faithful over a little; I will set you over much. Enter into the joy of your master.’ Matthew 25:19-22

Now if anyone builds on the foundation with gold, silver, precious stones, wood, hay, straw— each one’s work will become manifest, for the Day will disclose it, because it will be revealed by fire, and the fire will test what sort of work each one has done. If the work that anyone has built on the foundation survives, he will receive a reward. If anyone’s work is burned up, he will suffer loss, though he himself will be saved, but only as through fire. 1 Corinthians 3:12-15

When I read a certain Bible passage, first I pray for the Holy Spirit’s help in understanding and interpreting the verse. Then I use my study guides to help me consider the context, in other words, where the writer was coming from and what he was talking about in the previous verses.

Even at that, I can still muck things up by over complicating it.

In reading these two passages, I did what I do most of the time. I insert myself in the story and I ask myself some questions:

“Which one am I, really?

“Which one does God see me as?

“How do others see me?

I imagine myself standing before Jesus on that day, hopping up and down on one singed foot…….”Well, here I am Lord! I barely escaped the flames but I’m here, whew!” And then with an almost imperceptible shake of His head and sadness in His eyes, He holds His arms out to me anyway.

And then there are the talents……all those gifts He gave me that I clung to in fear. That I held deep inside. Those things I was afraid to share with others…….that light I didn’t let shine for fear of failure. And those I buried in the backyard trying to them safe instead of giving them out so He could multiply them for me.

When it all comes down to it, we are extremely hard on ourselves. And the reason God put all those things in the Bible is not to make us feel terrible about ourselves, but to spur us on to action. To encourage us.

He wants us to see that while we see only our failure, He sees where we have succeeded in Him.

He sees those times we seem to think nothing of. Those times we prayed for hours, faithfully each morning. Those times we passed the grocery cart to the next person and smiled. The time we were a peace-maker at work. Those times we were obedient by picking up the phone to encourage a fellow believer……

When we stand there before Jesus, feeling very much alone, maybe feeling maybe a little bit like the cowardly lion before Oz?

I believe He will say: “Who are all those behind you?”

Then we will look…….and He will remind us of all those times. And all those people.

Maybe you are not Billy Graham. And maybe, like me, you don’t preach on street corners. But you do love God, and you do share that love with others. And your talents too.

And just maybe, that one kindness you do today will be that last barrier that you remove, that last thing standing in the way of someone else’s salvation.

You just never know.

The Gift

“Each day of life is a glorious gift, but so few people know to live within the confines of today. Much of their energy for abundant living spills over into the timeline into tomorrows worries or past regrets. Their remaining energy is sufficient only for limping through the day, not for living it to the full.” Sarah Young, Jesus Calling.

Some mornings the devotional seems to speak directly to me. Some mornings it stops me in my tracks. Lately, my vision has become clouded by too much fear, too much worry. Too much beyond my control.

That vision problem has me forgetting the gift.

For there is a gift He leaves, one for each new day. It’s called Grace and it’s just for you and me. It’s hand delivered from God himself. He holds it out, hoping we will open it. He waits and watches in anticipation……..He can’t wait to see how we’ll like it, what we’ll do with it.

Each measure of unwrapped Grace is just right, uniquely designed for that day, because just like each day is different, each need is different. Some days I leave it sadly untouched and it saddens Him. Even though He always leaves it right where I can find it

Oh, I see my great, grand future all right. I sometimes gaze at Heaven so intently that all I can see are spots before my eyes. I have no problem seeing the big picture, it’s the years I have left I struggle with because there is only so much I can control. It’s what I can’t control that scares me to death.

I want the next few years all mapped out and boxed up like a neat package, but God never promised that. But He did promise me today. And He is showing me to look around, to gaze back at the world and know that there is Heaven here too. In those He gives me.

And while the ticker tape of yesterday was fresh in my mind. I wrote the gifts down. Because blogging and praying is one thing. Sometimes you need to write it down so you can pick it up and hold it in your hands, and remember.

With my eyes closed and tears of gratitude, I saw the gift of today. It was sitting on a wicker porch swing, which rested on a big wooden wraparound porch of white. It was a big, square pink box with a grand yellow bow. The cushion it rested on was green with flowers.

And as I approached, I saw Jesus peeking through the lace curtains, smiling.

“Go on,” He said. “Open it. I made sure it was just your size.”

Hallelujah anyhow moments

I guess it all started last Friday. A disappointing outcome from a phone conversation at work. Something that would have made things a little easier right now.

On the way home I made a side trip to the store. I decided to have a Hallelujah anyhow moment. A little celebration was in order. Because every day is worth celebrating, no matter the circumstance.

I remembered what that great communicator of love, Leo Buscaglia said once in one of his talks. One of his most precious memories growing up was when his Dad came home after he had told his Mom that he had lost his job. His wonderful Mama had whipped up a meal fit for a king, complete with linens on the tablecloth, and the best china at each place setting. They had a party that night. He says it was one of the best evenings they ever had as a family.

Sometimes you just have to say, Hallelujah anyhow.

The next morning I went out to pray. I was hot and sticky and tired of sweating. Miserable mosquito bites I had incurred the night before made it almost impossible to concentrate on praying. Though I was distracted, I noticed gray clouds overhead so I held out hope for maybe something to come out of the sky. I needed time with God. And as I sat there, with my cup of hot goodness, waking me up…..bringing me to life, I heard it. Little pitter patter drops.

My grumbling turned to joy. It occurred to me right then that the best possible thing I could do was go stand in it.

As I felt those silvery drops of Heaven cooling my skin I lifted my hands into the air like an old Native American warrior might have done after a ceremonial rain dance. My prayer became thank you Jesus, thank you Jesus, thank you Jesus.

I love those little surprises from God. So much of life is made up of those mourning to dancing moments.

Later, E and I were coming home from lunch and her car refused to shift to third. We were on the freeway, so with cars whizzing by, we pulled off and went the rest of the way home on the back streets. The transmission fluid didn’t seem low, but she put some in anyway and it actually shifted grudgingly the rest of the way home. It’s been a faithful car but there comes a time when it is no longer economical to keep fixing it. May be time for a new one for her.

Hallelujah anyhow.

Then yesterday morning I went to turn the faucet on in the kitchen at 6:00 AM and found that I had no water. I went out back and saw a river of water gushing out from under the water heater. The whole yard was flooded and the floor under the office was soggy. Thankfully the leak could be seen.

Thank you Jesus.

There we were, lined up at the door of Home Depot with the rest of the folks dealing with one home crisis or another at 6:58. Something like that tends to mess with your peace. I was praying all right, but not the kind I usually do at that time of the morning.

Leak is fixed! Thank you E, my resourceful and talented friend. There is an oh so tiny trickle that will eventually stop. We hope.

After church we headed to Subway and as we coasted into the parking lot, my driver’s side blinker went “kafluey” for lack of a better term. It went out.

There are times when you know better than to ask the Lord, “What next?”

There are times when you feel like the kid in this picture, taking one step forward and three steps back.

Did I mention that Elaine came down with her first cough of the year? And she only started school three weeks ago. On Sunday she had no voice.

Some days it seems like the curses outweigh the blessings. And though we know that it’s not reality, there are times when it feels like it. It’s easy to get our view distorted when things are happening, like life-sized dominoes intent on your destruction. It’s easy to get crushed under the weight of ordinary everyday life.

You want to say, “Don’t you see how hard I am working, Lord?”

But things like this, while frustrating, are fixable.

No one died. No one is sick unto death. We have jobs, we have a roof. And God will provide like He always has in the past. He has never failed and He never will.

So today. I am standing on the promises that I read in my devotional today.

“The Lord is a refuge for the oppressed, a stronghold in times of trouble. Those who know your name will put their trust in you, for you, Lord have never forsaken those who seek you.” Psalm 9:9,10

And…….

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not unto your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight.” Proverbs 3:5,6

All the circumstances we go through in life will pass, but the Lord remains steadfast and immovable. He will never allow the righteous to be shaken………Hallelujah!

Anyhow. No matter what. In every circumstance. Because He is worthy.

photo credit: Bart Hanlon, some rights reserved, creative commons flickr.

Photo/and or photographer has no affiliation or relationship with this website or the contents therein.

Kingdom Work is whatever we do

^“Work willingly at whatever you do, as though you were working for the Lord rather than for people. Remember that the Lord will give you an inheritance as your reward, and that the Master you are serving is Christ.” Colossians 3:23

I make my way down the stairs, heavy bag slipping off my shoulders and cast myself into the sea of voices. I dodge bleary eyed people like myself intent on one of two things, coffee or food. The great migration of mammals to those canisters filled with magic to wake the senses, spark the brain to life.

I pause by the fruit bins, the fresh offerings they give us to entice us to eat better, to be healthier so we can feel better so we can work harder. I pause, my phone at the ready, wanting to capture it all, this teeming life that flows down around my ears right now.

I hear the opening strains of Billy Joel’s “River of Dreams” and for just one moment, with the backdrop of voices and back slapping and greeting, I feel like life is pulsating around me. And though it’s so close, I feel I am standing on the shore. Not quite in. Not quite out. What would it feel like to feel fully in? Here.

All in like poker.

I wander, looking at angles, how I would photograph the fruit bins, the sign hand scrawled suggestions. The cafe workers, everyone else. This wondering and wandering is part of what makes me, me. All I want is to go back to my station and write……..of this life.

I make my way to the coffee and wonder why it is that donuts always look so much better than fruit. I window shop and watch plates sailing by. Breakfast burritos, pastries, plate piled high with eggs, bacon and English muffins. I take nothing, remembering the banana I brought and the cottage cheese waiting in the sack I so hastily threw together this morning.

Still, I watch, I observe. I wonder.

How it would feel to be fully engaged? Here.

If I were here to take pictures, or talk about writing or my faith how easy it would be. Oh, I am engaged. I am here, I am early, I am ready to work. People on the other end of the phone tell me they am glad I am here. I sense their confidence in me………Still.

To be fully engaged is: eyes wide open, pulse quickening, fully focused, doing the thing God created you to do engaged.

For 18 years I have been less than fully engaged and that makes me wonder who or what I have robbed.

When I was back home I said, “I wonder what kind of world it would be if everyone loved their jobs?” My Dad said, “I wonder how it would be if people just wanted to work?” Maybe he’s right. People didn’t think about liking their jobs in his day. They just got up and went to work no matter what, to support their families.

Maybe he’s right. Maybe I think too much. Maybe we all do.

And yet, at this job at which I am less than fully engaged, there are people God has wanted me to impact, and people God wanted to impact me. Lives colliding not by accident but by Divine Appointment. He has held me here for a purpose, that I know. And this job has stretched me in ways nothing else could.

It has thrown me out of my comfort zone over and over again, so that I had no choice but to depend on Him.

And in these 18 years of twelve hour days I have carved out a livelihood, a gift God has set before me. And in those 12 hours of each day I get two hours to do what I want. Who else has that?

And somewhere, sometime, God will show me what my real job was here. And it will have nothing to do with building computer chips. It will have everything to do with contributing to people and building a kingdom.

His.

When it’s easier to bask in God’s love than love others

Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love. 1 John 4:8

I have that line in a song and sometimes when I am not loving the way I should, which is most of the time, it sounds like a taunt. Like there should be a sing-song, “neener, neener, neener” behind it. For those of you unfamiliar with the term “neener” here is the Wikipedia answer:

A childish taunt or jeer pronounced with a nasal sneer, for lack of a more intelligent retort to someone else’s jeer or taunt, usually from a peer. Sometimes sung to the tune of “Ring-Around-the-Rosey” for really driving the point home.

I have found that it is much easier to bask in the warmth of God’s love than actually go out there in the world and love His people. But that is what God says is the proof of our love for Him. How we love each other.

It’s much easier to sit on the sidelines and write about people than actually go out there and love them. It’s much for comfortable, especially for someone like me who is a bit on the reclusive side. However, it is not nearly as rewarding.

The truth is, sometimes I hide behind my writing, and if I had to be really honest? Far too often people irritate me.

Oh, I can do a pretty good job with the ones in my corner, the ones I choose to love. I lavish love and affection on those who love me, my friends……my family. But loving others just plain wears me out. I find loving on my animals is much easier. I give them a little food and affection and they are at the door to greet me when I come home.

I have heard it said, “The more I am around people, the better I like my (dog, cat….etc.) you get the point.

The more I am around people, the more I know I need work, and the more I am aware of how much grace God has extended to me.

If there is anything I want to be remembered for, it’s not now bright I was, or how rich, or how funny, or anything else, but for how I loved.

Sometimes I convince myself I am doing an okay job, but then I withhold my love in tame but mean little ways, by making assumptions about others, or putting them in a category by how they dress or what they drive.

And I wonder sometimes if how I am loving others is indicative of how I am loving myself.

Sometimes love means extending the same grace to others that we would want them to extend to us. I was reminded of this the other night on the way home. E and I were just about to turn onto the last stretch of road before home when a big red truck screamed by and pulled in front of us. Then he slowed down. Way down. When we tried to change lanes he changed too and blocked us in.

I said….”I can’t believe this. Here……now? Almost home after driving 5 hours?” We were just minding our own business driving down the road after all.

In a shiny new Black Camaro.

With grey racing stripes.

Of course, it was dark and the other driver couldn’t see us. I am sure they must have assumed that behind the wheel was a young guy looking for a race. Instead he got two fifty something women who only wanted to get home. I think that maybe he would have felt bad if he had seen us for who we were.

And he was wrong in his assumption that we wanted to race.

It made me wonder what would make someone do that. It also made me wonder about how many times I have misjudged people or situations.

As unbelievable as it is when you consider what evils people have done to each other all throughout history, the truth is this:

Every single person who has ever been born has the breath of the living God in their nostrils. That alone makes them worthy of love, impossible as it sometimes seems.

“People are often unreasonable and self-centered. Forgive them anyway. If you are kind, people may accuse you of ulterior motives. Be kind anyway. If you are honest, people may cheat you. Be honest anyway. If you find happiness, people may be jealous. Be happy anyway. The good you do today may be forgotten tomorrow. Do good anyway. Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough. Give your best anyway. For you see, in the end it is between you and God. It never was between you and them anyway.” Quote from Mother Theresa

She always humbles me. That is all I have for today.

Lori's Prayer Closet

"And when you pray, go into your room, close the door and pray to your Father, who is unseen. Then your Father, who sees what is done is secret, will reward you……"Matthew 6:6

Grace moments