Everyday Faith

Thoughts from the Sidelines

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The walls close in and all I can hear is my own breathing in and out. There are faint sounds in the backdrop, life goes on. Snatches of words from the television, the three Canadian geese who make an appearance with their cries above almost every afternoon. The hiss of the tea kettle as it simmers down. Sometimes it’s not so bad to be sick, that is, when you know the outcome…….when you know what you have is normal, when you know you will get better. But even sick, the world waits outside and I feel the weight of it through the window. That doesn’t change even when flu renders you inactive. I get a fleeting thought, I wonder how it would feel to just stay here? Sit it all out. It does get tiring, this life. I keep my phone handy. I read the prayer requests between dozing off. They come zinging in through instant messages and one-liners on the Facebook news feed. And I can feel the need behind them. And in some cases the desperation behind them. I will pray. I can do that between breaths, between coughs, between naps. Sometimes, being sick is okay because it reminds us of all that we do have.

You tend to be more aware of everything when you’re rendered…..sequestered…..silent. On the sidelines.

I think of those alone and sick with nobody to help them. I see the commercials, of Orphans and Old Jewish people without heat. My Mom sends them money. I’m blessed. I have a special someone who brings cough drops, medicine, company, laughs and chicken soup. I reach further back and my gratitude slams against the memory. It’s my Mom’s hands I feel now lifting my head, fluffing my pillow, taking away the trashcan by the bed, bringing a cool cloth. Yes, being sick reminds us of what we do have. I turn and feel the cool softness of sheets and I sink down. Exhausted. So glad I can stay here and no one pounds on the door, I can just rest and get better. In a clean peaceful place. Yes, this is luxury many don’t have. And tomorrow, once again, I will enter the land of the living. I will enter back into the fray, this world that is part graveyard, part paradise. And I will make the choice for life because I can. And I will remember the ones who can’t. Those waiting on the sidelines.

Assurance about what we don’t (yet) see

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Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see. This is what the ancients were commended for. By faith we understand that the universe was formed at God’s command, so that what is seen was not made out of what was visible. Hebrews 11:1-3

 And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him. Hebrews 11:6

I can’t think of a better way to bring in the New Year than sitting on this shore watching the New Year roll in along with the tide, but since I can’t I thought I would post this pic and visualize myself there anyway. Yet, sitting here gazing at the lights on the tree that will soon be packed away, I am sipping coffee still snug in my big robe and I find that ain’t too shabby either. There is much to be thankful for.

As I drifted off to sleep last night, I can’t say that I felt all that hopeful about 2014. In the immediate, I will be going back to work on Thursday, and work right now is very stressful. I’d just as soon not go back. As I don’t have that luxury, I will continue to trust God to get me in the door each day. He’s never failed me yet.

It’s easy to get bogged down with unknowns, but thankfully, the knowns and what I know about God far outnumber the unknowns.

For that reason alone, this New Year rings with hope for me. I found myself surprised by joy this morning. I am rich with a heritage of belief in a God that holds me and all those I hold dear close.

God surprises me with His love again and again. No matter how many times I failed myself, others and Him last year, He reminded me this morning that His love for me has no end, it is infinite and unconditional and reaches past eternity.

On the edge of this world is another one shimmering in the light, where He is. That is where all our hope lies. That’s our future, and we carry it with us even now.

There is no room for fear in that kind of hope. It goes along with my new phrase for the year which is:

Faith over Fear.

As I prepare to enjoy this day, Lord. Thank you, thank you, thank you for being here with me, with us. I can’t imagine a better way to start the New Year.

As I sit here teary eyed watching the Rose Parade, I remember the year we got to go work on the floats with Home Depot. It was an unbelievable experience to see those huge floats up close. I will never forget it, and now each year I find myself crying when I watch, remembering how beautiful those floats, those flowers were.

As the Marine Marching Band plays, I cry again. I still love my country, despite all I am unhappy with in the current administration. Yes, I am bowled over with the beauty of the world. Amidst the backdrop of so much heartache and strife on the news, there is so much good.

Happy New Year world……Keep looking up, for our redemption draws nigh!

As for me, I am hoping for what I can’t yet fully see. God is working behind the scenes for our good, always. That’s always reason to hope.

Hot Chocolate and “Morrie”

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 But we have this treasure in earthen vessels, so that the surpassing greatness of the power will be of God and not from ourselves; we are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not despairing; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed; 2 Corinthians 4:7-9

I awoke early this morning, my usual time……3:00 AM. Lately, that’s my hour. Most of the time I can go back to sleep, many times I just pray until I can. There was no sound, I was once again settled back in my own bed after spending some much-needed time with my family. My mind felt like a clenched fist, tight and unyielding. Refusing to let go and release the thoughts that were zooming around, bouncing off the sides and back of my head resulting in a dull ache.

I breathed the first lines of the 23rd Psalm. Life really begins and ends with this one line:

The Lord is my Shepherd, I shall not want……..

A cup of hot chocolate sounded unbelievably good which surprised me. I am not a hot chocolate drinker, but I got up and made myself some. And it was just what I needed. I also opened “Tuesdays with Morrie,” which I had started before I left. It seems everyone in the world had read it except for me. It was the book that catapulted Mitch Albom to the top of the bestseller lists years ago and I heartily recommend it if you are one of the few like me who read all his other books except that one.

The chapter I read, Morrie was talking about family and what it means to have someone always watching out for you. He talked about people who stay, that family is not only about love, but about “letting others know there’s someone who is watching out for them.” Morrie knows the importance of this because he doesn’t have long to live. At the time of the interviews by his former student, Mitch Albom, he was dying of Lou Gehrig’s disease.

I was thinking about all this in light of my trip home.

How blessed we are if we have someone in our life who will not leave. Knowing for better or worse they have our back and our best interests at heart. To be willing to say even the hard words that need to be said. To be willing to be disliked, even, in the name of love. That’s what real love is. Speaking the truth in love even when it hurts you more to say it.

As we got in the car to leave for the airport yesterday, I gripped the hands of Mom and Dad to say a prayer and found that tears had taken all my words. The moments that twist you inside out are when your Mom says that she has loved you more in the last year than at any other time, and you didn’t even know that. Finally, I squeaked out….”Sometimes the best prayers are the ones without words.” We all nodded as we wiped tears.

And even though they want me more than anything to be there always, Dad says he’s glad that “I can go back to my life, away from this chaos.” He knows how I love order, structure. And he knows the value of having a good job. He respects me for that, even though it means I leave and can’t be there more to help.

Even though it’s their loss, they are happy for me.

It pierced my heart when he came out limping when I drove him to Flame Market on the corner to get gas. I thought, “Someone else should be doing this for him.” It’s hard when Superheroes show signs of mortality, when they can’t do the things they used to. When you know how hard it is but you know they are going to do it anyway.

As I laid the book down and drowsed off again, I prayed the same prayer I pray every New Year. That the Lord will hold them all in the Palm of His hand until I can go back again.

How blessed I am to come home to a freshly washed car and a clean house, the decorations just like they were when I left. It took my breath away all over again. It’s good to be there, but it’s good to be here.

Thank you Elaine for doing all you do.

Thank you God, for what you will do in the coming year. Every New Year holds promise because of You.

Born to give us second birth

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Therefore there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. For the law of the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus has set you free from the law of sin and of death. For what the Law could not do, weak as it was through the flesh, God did: sending His own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh and as an offering for sin, He condemned sin in the flesh, so that the requirement of the Law might be fulfilled in us, who do not walk according to the flesh but according to the Spirit.

I wrestle with my flesh on many occasions throughout the day…….when I work it’s usually during my commute. From the time we’re born, we enter this battle, this war. The body wants to sit on the couch and not trudge down to the treadmill, or it’s too cold to walk. I can usually think up one excuse after another. The spirit wants to fill itself up with everything under the sun, except for what God wants.

He knew we could never fulfill His perfect requirements of Holiness. But there is One who could. And did.

For those who are according to the flesh set their minds on the things of the flesh, but those who are according to the Spirit, the things of the Spirit. For the mind set on the flesh is death, but the mind set on the Spirit is life and peace, because the mind set on the flesh is hostile toward God; for it does not subject itself to the law of God, for it is not even able to do so, and those who are in the flesh cannot please God. Romans 8:1-8

Many people are rushing out to buy lottery tickets right now. I can’t say I blame them. I am tempted to myself. Despite the fact that the Bible says not to chase after riches, something in me thinks that my life would be much better and less stressful if I could pay everything off and do the same for my family. To be able to leave the stress of my job far behind. But the truth is, what I value most in my life is something money can’t ever buy.

I already have the best gift……the only gift that matters in this life, because that gift has bought me eternal life with Him in the next. While this life is passing away like a vapor, that life stretches ahead further than my eye can see.

What more could I possibly want than what God has already given me? Nothing.

I am rich beyond counting, beyond measuring. Because He was born for my sacrifice. Yours, mine……ours. He is my riches. My only desire. It’s why He was born. It’s what I celebrate each and every day.

Long after Christmas is all packed away.

 

 

 

Holding out Hope for Christmas

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I never really understood it until I heard it explained out loud. As I heard them struggling to articulate it, that feeling of wanting to escape every Christmas, something about the way they explained it made sense. It clicked into place for me and I suddenly understood.

I realized that all my life, I hadn’t been sensitive enough to that. I remembered how each year my Dad would say that all he ever wanted to do at Christmas is go up to a quiet little cabin in the snow and decorate a little Christmas tree with pinecones and little red balls and nothing else. We all kind of made fun of him for that. It’s not what we wanted.

That little cabin held out hope for him. It was a way of wishing away all the bad Christmases he had as a child.The ones that always started out pretty good,until the drinking started. After that it turned into a screaming match between his parents. It was slamming doors and chaos and throwing things. And always, someone walking out the door. Hope dashed.

To far too many people, Christmas is a time that evokes very powerful emotions and feelings that they don’t want to bring back. And to be honest, even though I only have happy memories of Christmas, sometimes I want to cower in a corner at the madness it’s become.

It’s like the other day I set out to get gas and a few other items I had on my list. I went all the way to the service station and it was crazy. People were parked every direction and it was packed. And maybe it’s because this year I have made a concerted effort to be calm and slow down to not join in.

Something in me switched off and I just couldn’t do it.

I took a deep breath, turned the car around and headed back to my quiet corner of the world. I went to my little car wash and took my time drying off the car, chatting with the gentleman next to me. Then I took a little scenic drive and on the way home I got gas. My spirit lifted and my heartbeat slowed. I felt myself relax.

I set up the manger scene, and then I went inside to get a few things online. I thought about all the rushing around that was taking place at that very minute. Out in the world.

It was into this chaotic world of dysfunction that Jesus was born. And His earthly parents didn’t have it easy either. Joseph had his perfectly ordered world turned upside down when Mary presented him with the news that she was pregnant. And Mary……she couldn’t hide her condition. I am sure everywhere she went, there were whispers of scandal.

And then she had to have her baby far away from her Mom and sisters, cousins and friends. In a cold stable.

But I think that is precisely why Christmas can hold so much hope for all of us.

I guess you could say that Mary and Joseph’s situation is ours too, for it’s in the middle of all that dysfunction and misery that God shows up. The light of Christ shines all that brighter amidst the backdrop of hopelessness.

That’s the great hope I hold out today. And I want you to know…….

If you are grieving this year, or desperately craving peace. If you are trying to bury pain or battling loneliness, either by yourself or in a crowd. If you are trying to outrun old memories that never seem to go away. If tears are falling. If you are spinning plates in the air trying to get things done, things you will forget about by New Year’s?

Just trust me on this.

Jesus is your answer. Always. He is our hope. Our Christmas.

Mine looked a bit different this year. The lights didn’t go up, but the manger scene did. The house is decorated to the hilt and I enjoyed every minute of it. I got to help some people out who needed it and went to hear the Phoenix Symphony perform Handel’s Messiah. We went to a wonderful High School Christmas play because one of E’s kids asked if she’d be there. What a blessing it was to see those kids perform.

I have slowed down and enjoyed every minute.

And the angel said unto them, Fear not: for, behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people.For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Saviour, which is Christ the Lord. Luke 2:10-11

Finding the heartbeat of Christmas

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In him was life, and that life was the light of all mankind…….John 1:4

It’s easy to miss it, amidst the rush and clamor. But the magic is there, underneath it, around it and through it and all over it. It’s life, and that life is why He came.

It’s our life He values…….mine and yours. And it’s every big and little miracle moment of our lives that He was born for.

Those big moments of our lives we tend to capture pretty well. We have diplomas and wedding albums and birth certificates and baby showers. But it’s those small moments He came for too.

Like when I lit the little Christmas tree in the shop where I pray. I think He smiles at those too.

During Christmas, I always feel a pressing need to slow down and capture each moment, kind of like how kids capture fireflies in a jar. My thoughts, like those fireflies, are beating their wings against the glass, hoping to be set free. Sometimes there’s almost a sense of urgency to it.

An urgency born of the realization that all these moments matter.

They do.

Maybe deep within us all there is a fear of losing them forever. Maybe that’s what makes some of us write.

As I shift in my seat, I hear the crinkle of yellow sticky notes in my back pocket. My firefly thoughts.

Those little scribbles I leave all over the house, as well as those that spill out of the pockets of my clothes, are my way of pulling over to the side of the road of my own life in order to let all the rest hurry careen by.

Because this is important, this Advent, and it’s not so much making it magic, but letting it happen.

The magic happens when we let go of unrealistic expectations of what we think Christmas should be so we can make room for what it really is; when we free ourselves and others of things they could never live up to and events what they could never be.

When we realize we are all just imperfect people looking for our particular version of God.

But God usually shows up differently than what we expect, and He always exceeds our expectations.

Stop, and listen to your life. And let Him in this season. You will be amazed at what He does.

Thank you Lord, for the miracle. You know the one I’m talking about. I haven’t stop breathing thanks.

 

photo credit: creative commons images: flickr: by Wendy. Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs License

Job Changes: Moving out of comfort

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It was the year 2003 and I was sitting comfortably at my workstation up on the factory floor at the company where I had worked since 1996. I had settled into a somewhat comfortable groove having been at my current position for a year, but it was pretty stressful so I thought maybe I’d put in for a change.

There was an interest form floating around inviting people to transfer over to the neighboring site to work on a ramp up for a new technology.　I thought maybe I’d fill it out.

After all, it was only an interest form, not a transfer. I filled it out and pushed “send” and off it sailed to the appropriate website for review. I had a momentary sense of unease which I shrugged off…….read the rest of story over here at Devoted Conversations where I have the privilege of sharing today!

We dream of something better because……there is.

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How perfect is that? Even a quote from Robert Frost on the porch!

Against the background of KBAQ classical I listened absently to the rhythmic sound of tires rolling over rubberized asphalt and relaxed into my 35 minute freeway commute this morning. With the moon peeking through clouds overhead, I imagined being in another place. Anywhere but on my way to work. I dreamed up a perfect Pinterest scene.

In my mind, I was carrying my mug of frothe topped coffee over to a perfect writing spot. A freshly baked scone was already there waiting. And Bach Suites played in the background. As I took that first life-giving sip of the day, I settled into a spot with a comfortable table and even more comfortable chair, facing low windows that opened out. You know the kind.

We all have those places we dream about. There is something inside each one of us that reaches for the heights of somewhere else. We were meant for more than this my friends. While we live in a world of wood, plaster, chipping concrete, and graffiti, and time that wears the years out of everything.

Deep inside we know we were meant for marbled halls and vaulted ceilings.

Personally, I’d like a bit of the beauty of Highclere Castle with the warmth of a cottage smack dap in the middle of Midford, right next to Happy Endings bookstore.

Thankfully, I love my home. When I walk in the door, it’s an oasis. It’s a little bit of how it will feel to finally reach those shores of Heaven. And it will never end.

Heaven is what we were all made for. We were made to last for eternity, and we will. But right now I can have a little bit here, for when I sit at home on a day off, I feel much like the scene I created before. And the beauty of it all is that no matter where I am, I carry Him with me.

That’s what Jesus was talking about when He said the kingdom of Heaven is within you. Right here, right now. We can’t manufacture it for ourselves. It’s God’s great gift.

And until I reach those eternal shores? It’s the next best thing.

One day the Pharisees asked Jesus, “When will the Kingdom of God begin?” Jesus replied, “The Kingdom of God isn’t ushered in with visible signs.You won’t be able to say, ‘It has begun here in this place or there in that part of the country.’ For the Kingdom of God is within you.” Luke 17:20,21

Right now I am work. But at the same time, I am touching the edge of Heaven with my toes in the sand of its shore. Selah.

 

picture from my Pinterest board labeled “Dream Home.” via flickr

On stumbling

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 Now to Him who is able to keep you from stumbling, and to make you stand in the presence of His glory blameless with great joy, to the only God our Savior, through Jesus Christ our Lord, be glory, majesty, dominion and authority, before all time and now and forever. Amen.

Jude 1: 24,25

And by this we know that we are of the truth, and shall assure our hearts before Him.  For if our heart condemns us, God is greater than our heart, and knows all things. Beloved, if our heart does not condemn us, we have confidence toward God. And whatever we ask we receive from Him, because we keep His commandments and do those things that are pleasing in His sight. And this is His commandment: that we should believe on the name of His Son Jesus Christ and love one another, as He gave us commandment.

1 John 3:19:23

It is no surprise to God that there will be times when we fall. Some days feel like one fall after another, but these verses bring me great hope today. I think sometimes we mistake weaknesses for sin. I have come to be thankful for those “thorn’s in my flesh,” such as the Apostle Paul described, for they bring me closer to the Lord and allow me to see the power of the cross all over again.

Those things that I used to resent, I now count as God’s blessings because they force me to rely on Him. It’s the process of turning those things over to him which causes us to grow; that gives God His rightful place on the throne of our hearts.

Sometimes the turning it over becomes the battle of our lives. The battle of our days.

All those things we once thought were so overwhelming lose their power the second we give them to the One who has the power to change them. Some things He does heal, some things He does take away, but some things he leaves us as reminders of who we need to trust. And how He loves us. Better to have a little weakness and boast in what God can do, as opposed to thinking we have none and boasting in ourselves.

Today I rejoice in God my Savior, for all He is, for all He’s done, and for all He continues to do in my life.

Because of the surpassing greatness of the revelations, for this reason, to keep me from exalting myself, there was given me a thorn in the flesh, a messenger of Satan to torment me—to keep me from exalting myself! Concerning this I implored the Lord three times that it might leave me.  And He has said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness.” Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast  about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me. 2 Corinthians 12:7-9

What about you? Is there something you are struggling with today? Leave a request in the comments and I would be happy to pray for you……

photo credit: awrose via flickr, creative commons: some rights reserved.

Pray for Kate

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For far too many people the bulk of their daily lives consists of the inner walls of the waiting rooms of hospitals and doctors offices.  While the rest of us have the luxury of going about our lives celebrating joys and accomplishments, breathing freedom, complaining about everyday things, juggling bills, jobs we might hate, their reality is much different. They live in a sea of uncertainty from one procedure to the next, never knowing what the outcome will be.

I thought of all these people when I went to take Sydney to the vet last week. It was traumatic for him and me. He peed all over the cage and nestled his head in my arm for protection, overwhelmed by all the smells and the ride in the car. By the end of it, I was a nervous wreck. I thought of the little girl, Kate, whose story I have been following ever since 2009, when she was diagnosed with a massive, aggressive brain tumor. They were able to remove only half of it, because of the location in her brain.

Kate’s family has been a source of great inspiration to me and people all over the world as we have watched this brave family deal with this in light of their faith. Their strength and commitment to the Lord throws a light on all the darkness in a way that is simply miraculous. For four years now they have walked through the shadows of death with Kate, and yet remarkably, today, she is cancer free. And yet, the devastating effects of the chemo and massive doses of radiation are a grim reality and reminder of a still uncertain outcome.

Please follow this link, to read Kate’s Mom’s latest journal entry on Caring Bridge here……and join me in prayer for these wonderful people and Kate who is one of the most courageous little girls I know about.