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On autism, and painting the garage with mustard

Her voice drifts across the many miles via the telephone and I don’t have to wonder what kind of day she has had. “It’s one of those days,” she says, “where she does whatever she can think to do.” She sighs wearily, then laughs. “You won’t believe the very last thing she did.”
Hey, I am over at Bibledude today, I would be honored if you would join me there for the rest of this story……..
Once again, thank you Duane for the opportunity to share my words, and part of my story.

I see the moon and the moon sees me

I see the moon
the moon sees me
the moon sees somebody I want to see
God bless the moon
and God bless me
and God bless the somebody I want to see.

American Lullaby

Jaycee Dugard described recently in her interview with Diane Sawyer that the night before she was rescued there was a full moon. ‘For some reason I looked up and the moon was bright and beautiful,’ Jaycee recalled.
One hundred and twenty miles away her mother was also looking at the moon, which had become a symbol of hope for the two women without them even knowing it.
‘I had gone to my second job and got home about 8.30/9pm,’ Terry said. ‘I looked up at the moon. I remember saying: “OK Jayce where are you, where the hell are you?”
The next day, Jaycee Dugard would be rescued from the hell that had been her life for 18 years. In that same interview she talked about looking out at the moon and clinging to the memory of when she and her Mom would gaze at the moon together and talk about which was better, the full moon or the crescent moon.

My Mom says she always thinks of me when it’s a crescent moon because I once told her I loved a sliver moon. Actually, I love the moon anytime. Soon after my niece was born, my brother made it part of their routine to go outside each night they were together and find the moon. It is something they still do, just the two of them. I think it is a wonderful gift he has given her.

As I left for work yesterday morning, the moon looked very much like the picture I posted today. I thought about Jaycee then, and how strong she had to be to hold out any hope at all after what she had been through. I thought of how the moon has been hope for me, just the existence of it assures me that all is still well. God is still in control.

Every time I gaze at the moon, I see the bigger picture. More than once, it has taken my breath away.

Because when I am staring at the moon?  It is His light, His face I see.

And if not for His light we wouldn’t be able to see that moon or the stars or each other for that matter. And if not for the light of Salvation and His grace, we would all be held captive.

With no hope of rescue, and only the moon to save us.

Living the beautitudes

I knelt by my bed, seeking the familiar, looking for home.

Lately, easy things have been difficult and I slog through the day, feeling like I am beating a path through a thick jungle with a machete.

I cherish my days away from work, I count them off, savor every hour. Four, three, two, and now I have just tomorrow. Herding cats would be easier than trying to capture my thoughts right now.  I ache for the simple. I ache for things to slow down.

I hunger for nature even more than food. I need to hear the trees speak, hear my own heartbeat and feel it slow to the rhythm of the bigger picture. But trips are like a far off dream, and the motor home sits silent and empty on the storage lot.

Care giving takes its toll, and the rubber is meeting the road again. And I know it is no accident that other circumstances have come into play, all of them conspiring to create the “perfect storm.” My job is stressing me out big time, and I am in the beginning stages of that time in a woman’s life known as “The Change” BIG LETTERS.

It goes by many names, and no one wants to talk about it so I won’t either. Suffice it to say, it feels like a black shade has been pulled down on my life.

And yet, even with all this going against me, I know this season of my life is an opportunity. A divine appointment. A chance to demonstrate love without getting anything in return. A chance to put my faith into action.

Care giving is extremely humbling simply because of the times you fail. Day after day we are tested. Day after day there are opportunities to succeed or fail at loving.

Just the other morning the clouds parted and God allowed me to feel a tremendous sense of peace, even joy about what we have been doing for the last year and a half……I was pumped up, I was ready to deliver a sermon on the Beatitudes to anyone who would listen.

And 10 minutes later her Mom got up and irritated me to the point that I retorted back to the sarcastic thing she said. Most of what she says is sarcastic but I know that. I should have been ready. And of course her timing is always impeccable.

How can a woman who can’t remember anything you said 3 minutes ago, remember you hitting a pole with the car and doesn’t hesitate reminding anyone who will listen? I guess when you have practiced negativity and denial your whole life, it comes easy, that’s how.

I really don’t know how Elaine does it, and yet I do.

We laughed when she got up and I told her how fired up I was, how I wanted to preach a sermon and then Joyce immediately showed me how far I still was from the Kingdom of God.

I am happy to say that through all this, we have kept our gratitude. Our peace. And in spite of it all, there are a hundred little moments a day where I will absurd moments of joy.

At the library……out by the garden…..sharing a laugh……kneading bread dough…..watching the cats antics.

And getting into the Word can always take me home when I don’t feel I can take another moment.

I can honestly answer the question that Paul Chan throws out in his book, “Crazy Love.” What are you doing right now that requires faith?

Everything, simply everything.

“If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you?  Even sinners love those who love them. And if you do good to those who are good to you, what credit is that to you? Even sinners do that. And if you lend to those from whom you expect repayment, what credit is that to you?  Even sinners lend to sinners, expecting to be repaid in full. But love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting to get anything back. Then your reward will be great, and you will be children of the Most High, because he is kind to the ungrateful and wicked.  Be merciful,  just as your Father is merciful.  Luke 6:32-36

Are online friendships real?

I always thank my God as I remember you in my prayers, because I hear about your love for all his holy people and your faith in the Lord Jesus. I pray that your partnership with us in the faith may be effective in deepening your understanding of every good thing we share for the sake of Christ. Your love has given me great joy and encouragement, because you, brother, have refreshed the hearts of the Lord’s people. Philemon 1:4-7

I had another post in mind but when I saw Duane Scott’s topic I decided to chime in with  my two cents worth and answer the question he put forth. Let me give a wholehearted emphatical “Yes” to the question of whether online friendships are real.

When I entered the blogging world way back in 2009 I had no idea where it would lead. But God gave me a wonderful surprise. Along this journey, I have read heartfelt words full of laughter, tears and emotions that have moved me greatly. And as it turns out these were all attached to people. Real live living people.

And I have become very attached to some of you. In fact, I sincerely hope we are friends because that is how I think of you.  And even though we have never met? You are almost as real to me as someone dear I can touch and feel each day.

Along the way, you became real to me. Your words touched me, became a part of the fabric of my life.

Each day I know you a little bit more, and I hope you know me better too. Because in this journey toward Heaven, we are starting our eternal friendships right here…..

Right now.

You have become my prayer partners and I hope you know that in my little place of prayer at first light, when your name crosses my heart I pray for you, and I think about your life and the people in it.

I could call you all by name but you know who you are, and I don’t want to leave anyone out!

I know there should be a disclaimer now, we have all heard the stories. Someone masquerades on Facebook as someone else with someone else’s picture…..people are hurt, lives and relationships are destroyed, and I guess that is real too.

But that’s not you.

Today as I walked down the pathway that led to work, I smiled as I passed by the spot where about  two months ago I actually talked to Duane Scott on the phone for the first time. He became more than beautiful words on a page as we talked and laughed about writing, and life, and my ineptitude on the computer.

He became a real person, and because of that conversation, that little place beside the walkway has permanantly changed for me, it has become a good memory. And it all started online.  

I remember how ill at ease and self concious I felt about calling, because I have really never escaped my shyness about meeting new people, but I smile when I remember how his friendliness and kindness put me at ease.

Online friendships I don’t know about, but online friends? They are real, and I treasure every one of you.

Correction from yesterday’s post……

Hey all, yesterday I mistakenly said that my old schoolmate Mary had passed away…..My Mom corrected me. She is still alive but in a nursing home, it was her Mom that passed away. My prayers will continue to go out for Mary and her child. I hastened to post this, because my hometown is pretty small and I would hate to think word would have gotten out without being able to set this straight!

Also, Nikole Hahn was kind enough to share some of my thoughts on blogging and writing today at her site….Please join me over there!

http://thewritelife2.wordpress.com/

St. Augustine’s Diet Plan

Then God said, “Look! I have given you every seed-bearing plant throughout the earth and all the fruit trees for your food. Genesis 1:29
I came across this bit of wisdom from St. Augustine in the little devotional book, Early Will I Seek You, a 40 day journey in the company of Augustine. He has this to say about food:
“You have taught me that I should approach the taking of food as I approach medicine. For hunger and thirst are pains of a sort. They break down the body and burn, unless the “medicine” of nourishment relieves us. And it’s by eating and drinking that we repair the daily losses of the body, until such time as you destroy both the stomach and food. (1 Corinthians 6:13) At that time you will kill all fleshly hungers by filling us with your wonderful plenty. Then you will clothe this corruptible body with an everlasting body that cannot be corrupted. (1 Corinthians 15:54)
But until that day, I fast and wage war because I need to bring my body into subjection.”
I have lost and gained the same 10-15 pounds for many, many years. I love sweets and pizza and burgers, and every bit of weight is noticeable on a 5′ 1″ frame. I get lazy and would much rather sit and read than workout. Others have a much bigger struggle than mine, but I do identify with the struggle. Let’s face it, we can’t just stop eating. I tried that once, believe me, it doesn’t work. I got down to 83 pounds, anorexia had me in it’s grip, and I was in a battle for my life……
I can truly say that God healed me in a miraculous way, of that I have no doubt whatsoever. It was due to the prayers of my family that I was snatched out the power of that particular death grip. It was God and Jazzercise that saved me. After making my self sick, I then had to make myself well. Though God healed my mind, I had to love my body back into health.
Augustine goes on further to state:
“Now, let us be honest, eating and drinking are pleasurable, and good food is healthful for the body. But I may sit down to eat and drink for the sake of health, and then for pleasure go on to eat and drink far more than I need or over what is healthful. Often it is so difficult to tell the difference, whether my body has a healthy appetite or whether I am being deceived by my own overwhelming greed……”
He ends with this prayer that I join him in praying today:
“I call upon you, O Lord, and offer up all my confusion to you. Help me to clearly discern my own motives. Because food and drink are needs and pleasures, this is not the kind of thing I can renounce once and for all, as I was able to do with fornication. And who, Lord, is not sometimes carried beyond the bounds of “necessity?” I ask you, O Lord, to help me keep a right grip, neither too loose or too tight, on the reins of my palate. Confessions 10
I think this prayer fits just about any issue we are struggling with……..
I present my humble offering of Gratitude today, continuing the count with the community of believers………
A brand new tomato, which Elaine presented to the neighbor lady next door, little sprouts that reach toward the sun, another Sunday to worship and yes, enjoy eating outside before it gets too hot…..laughter and conversation with our neighbors……phone calls across the miles that bring us close……healthy discussions about what we heard yesterday in church……a healthy body and an abundance of food…..projects that provide a sense of accomplishment……two mornings of not having to get up early…..the Holy Spirit that gives us the strength to do what we cannot……#878-888
 

House of Prayer #2

 

The title of this book struck me first, and the fact that this was a memoir set in the South pulled me in further. But the opening line was so intriguing that I had to check this book out even though I am already two books deep into a reading list I started last week. When I closed the cover yesterday after reading just about nonstop, I felt like I had just come to the end of a roller coaster ride and yet the book was still zinging around in my head.

It is written a bit differently than many memoirs I have read, entirely in the second person. But the story is what whisks you away from the start. There are also quotes throughout the book that are like hidden gems in the grass waiting to be found. This book will take you on a journey. It is part magical mystery tour, part train-wreck, part heartbreaking, and part hysterical.

It is disconcerting, jarring, gritty, and extremely real. It is like reading through a life in one long sentence. I really enjoyed this book. Several times I had to remind myself that I was not reading a fiction novel, but that this was the story of someones actual life.

This book is proof that truth can indeed be stranger than fiction at times.