A Dad’s Memory

My Dad called. He said, “I wrote it all down, about our adventure of moving to Tahoe and how I remember it.” It came yesterday in the mail, and the pages tumbled out when I tore the envelope. “Do you think you could type it all down since I am not such a good typist?” I want to be able to read it, he said.

And in the writing it, and the reading of it, I knew he was reliving something powerful.

“I will do my best, Dad,” I said. And it’s an honor. When someone has put their heart on a page, you have to be careful with it. It’s something almost sacred that they are trusting you with, not just words on a page. I will keep the handwritten version for myself and I will save the other version on my computer, the one I will type neatly with no lines crossed out. No bold underlines. I will try to put the feeling in it, just the way he felt it.

I will do my best to bring it to life as he lived it.

Because our stories, our memories, is what we have. In sharing those, we open ourselves, our hearts to each other.

And it’s always a risk.

Because there is always the chance they won’t see it or feel it the way we intended. And that’s okay. We still have to share it.

As I picked up the pages again, I saw the way he wrote and I thought of how someday he won’t be here. Even now, I squeeze my eyes shut to keep tears from leaking out because I know it’s true. Someday the letters will stop. And I will imagine him sitting in a corner spot of light in Heaven with a big feather quilled pen. Writing his thoughts of all the beauty he sees, and meeting Jesus for the first time.

I have words in my treasure box, so many words gathered over the years. Sacred ones. The lid no longer shuts, but I slide them in anyway.

Because words from someone you love are always sacred.

I will do my best, Dad with your memory. Here is my only memory of it. I remember standing in something I now know was snow and crying because I didn’t like the cold.

And someone, probably you, sticking a ski pole in a snow bank so I could see the holes it made.

That’s it.

I think maybe you can fill the blanks in my mind, since I was only 2.

We will relive it together and then it will be ours to share.

God, the first Prepper

Your ears will hear a word behind you, “This is the way, walk in it,” whenever you turn to the right or to the left. Isaiah 30:21

There are many decisions we have to make while we are here on this planet. Literally thousands. But out of all those decisions we think are so important:

Who we marry, if we marry.

Whether we have children……how many.

What school we attend, where we graduate, where we move, what we choose for our degree and life’s work.

How much money we have and how much stuff we pile around ourselves.

The ideas that shape how we think and what we believe about life and how we treat others.

Not to mention all those innumerable decisions that lie between all those bigger ones. The ones that begin to circle around in our brain and squawk for an answer almost the second we open our eyes in the morning.

None of those decisions really matter in the light of eternity. Not one.

The only decision that really matters in this life is what we decide about Jesus. Not only what we decide about Him, what we do about Him. You see, Jesus demands an answer. And the answer always involves an action. He asked Peter:

But what about you?” he asked. “Who do you say I am?”

Peter answered, “You are the Messiah.” As in:

Jesus Christ, the anointed one, the savior of mankind, the Son of the living God, and God himself. Apart from him no one can enter heaven or receive eternal life.

There is also a terrible default if you decide nothing: It’s a place Jesus talked about as real and believe me, you don’t want to go there.

The Bible is a roadmap that explains everything we need to know about living a successful life according to God, a guidebook for those preparing for eternity.

I guess you could say that God was the first “Prepper.” We hear a lot about Preppers these days. There is even a show called “Doomsday Preppers,” and if you Google the word Prepper, you will be amazed how many websites are out there. People are more consumed with the end of the world than ever. Apocalypse and Doomsday theories abound.

God has been preparing from the very beginning. He knew we would need saving even before we did and He has given us very clear instructions of how He wants us to prepare for the future. It’s the only Prepper manual we will ever need. Here are the facts:

God loves us. John 3:16

We are all sinners, every last one of us. Romans 3:23

Before we accept Christ, we are already dead in sin. Romans 6:23

Jesus died in our place and rose again on the third day so we can too. Romans 5:6

We can be saved by faith. Acts 16:31

God will never turn anyone away who calls on His name. Romans 10:13

Lastly and most importantly, there is no other name given by which we can be saved. Acts 4:12

No one else ever conquered death like Jesus did. Not only that, right now He is preparing a place for us, a place so wonderful it defies description. I guess you could say that Jesus is a Prepper too.

I pray that in the quiet and not so quiet moments of your day today, you would meditate on God and how much He loves you. How He wants to be a part of every waking moment of your life. And if you never felt you mattered to your parents, your kids, or anyone. Know this today.

You matter to God. He loves you more than you know.

“Don’t let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God, and trust also in me. There is more than enough room in my Father’s home.If this were not so, would I have told you that I am going to prepare a place for you?When everything is ready, I will come and get you, so that you will always be with me where I am. And you know the way to where I am going.” John 14:1-4

Finding our strength in the quiet

This is what the Sovereign Lord, the Holy One of Israel says: In repentance and rest is your salvation, in quietness and trust is your strength, but you would have none of it. Isaiah 30:15

Too much of what we take part of in this modern world is unnatural, that’s why we don’t have peace–we don’t even know how to go about getting it. In Reading the Psalms, praying in the quiet hours, sitting in the silence concentrating on only the beating of our heart, our breathing slow in and out we remember who we are and who God is and who we are in Him.

That is what is known as meditation. And it’s not just for mystics and yogis.

It’s in concentrating on our own brokenness that we can begin to see the brokenness in others. And yet………

All to often we won’t turn towards our fellow believers so we can help each other mend. If we keep insisting we are all okay, we will never reach that place called the Kingdom of Heaven that Jesus was talking about.

The Spirit of reconciliation, that’s what God desires for His church……may it come Lord Jesus. Find Him in the quiet moments today.

But I have stilled and quieted my soul; like a weaned child with its mother, like a weaned child is my soul within me. Psalm 131:2

Pray for Kate

For far too many people the bulk of their daily lives consists of the inner walls of the waiting rooms of hospitals and doctors offices. While the rest of us have the luxury of going about our lives celebrating joys and accomplishments, breathing freedom, complaining about everyday things, juggling bills, jobs we might hate, their reality is much different. They live in a sea of uncertainty from one procedure to the next, never knowing what the outcome will be.

I thought of all these people when I went to take Sydney to the vet last week. It was traumatic for him and me. He peed all over the cage and nestled his head in my arm for protection, overwhelmed by all the smells and the ride in the car. By the end of it, I was a nervous wreck. I thought of the little girl, Kate, whose story I have been following ever since 2009, when she was diagnosed with a massive, aggressive brain tumor. They were able to remove only half of it, because of the location in her brain.

Kate’s family has been a source of great inspiration to me and people all over the world as we have watched this brave family deal with this in light of their faith. Their strength and commitment to the Lord throws a light on all the darkness in a way that is simply miraculous. For four years now they have walked through the shadows of death with Kate, and yet remarkably, today, she is cancer free. And yet, the devastating effects of the chemo and massive doses of radiation are a grim reality and reminder of a still uncertain outcome.

Please follow this link, to read Kate’s Mom’s latest journal entry on Caring Bridge here……and join me in prayer for these wonderful people and Kate who is one of the most courageous little girls I know about.

Church on the Mountain

“And when He had taken a cup and given thanks, He gave it to them, saying, “Drink from it, all of you; for this is My blood of the covenant, which is poured out for many for forgiveness of sins. But I say to you, I will not drink of this fruit of the vine from now on until that day when I drink it new with you in My Father’s kingdom.” Matthew 26:27-29

“I have an idea!” She said. “Let’s have church on the mountain tomorrow.”

“Excellent!” I said…….”Let’s do it, and we’ll have communion up there too!”

When you are between churches like we are right now, sometimes you have to be creative, leave a little room for the Spirit to work. So this morning, I packed it all together in my camera bag. Cranberry juice and oyster crackers stood in place of the bread and wine.

On the way up the trail, nestled in my bag, I heard them clink together softly and I smiled to myself.

Jesus and I had a secret.

I paused by a Joshua Tree, remembering the words I had read earlier that morning about how they pushed the cruel crown of thorns down on His brow until it bled in rivers down His face. God’s face.

As we got to the top, I paused to let a family come down. Their two little boys were very loud and I was ready for the quiet, for the moment to pause and remember. I waited for E to join me. She had to backtrack because she was talking to a lady hiking with her dog and got side-tracked and missed the turn for Huff and Puff.

We scrambled over rocks and carefully picked our way to the top and I jostled around looking for a flat place to set up. As I presented the heart-shaped doily and stemmed glasses, she laughed. “I should have known!”

Nothing is too good for Jesus, after all.

It was a bit windy, so she held onto the glasses while I aimed for the shot. This was our view.

While they were eating, Jesus took some bread, and after a blessing, He broke it and gave it to the disciples, and said, “Take, eat; this is My body.” Matthew 26:26

There on the mountain, we each settled with our elements in hand, having lost only a little a splash of juice and a few crackers that had rolled down the mountain. I didn’t even need to find the verses in my iPhone because the words were already in her heart, and they sprang free, flowing out like rivers of living water as she lifted her glass:

The words come naturally to one whose life has truly been changed. No rehearsal is necessary.

“Do this,” He said. “As a remembrance.”

The lady on the trail had asked if we were sisters. E told her yes, sisters of the best possible kind.

Soul sisters. Kindred spirits. Sisters of the heart. Sisters in Christ.

“For where two or three gather together as my followers,I am there among them.” Matthew 18:20

One of the things I most love about my faith

They heard the sound of the Lord God walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and the man and his wife hid themselves from the presence of the Lord God among the trees of the garden. Then the Lord God called to the man, and said to him, “Where are you?” Genesis 3:8,9

Since the beginning, God has wanted a relationship with his children. He never intended to create us and then leave us alone. This verses suggests to me that God was in the habit of visiting Adam and Eve often, daily, maybe more than once during the day.

He has been seeking us ever since.

He came to Cain after he killed his brother. And He searched the earth looking for a righteous man and found Noah. Down through the ages he has searched.

Abraham……Samuel…..Moses……David……Peter…….Paul……Lori

And he is seeking you too.

Do you hear Him calling?

This is the thing that still astounds me, still amazes me, still thrills me. And it never gets old. I serve a God who wants to know me intimately. And you too. He is not content to sit back and observe. He is a God who has always wanted to get right in the middle of our lives. He is not afraid to get into the down and dirty, nitty-gritty details. None of them surprise Him.

He is delighted, concerned and interested in all the little and not so little events that happen throughout our day, and he loves it when we share those with him!

And my friends, if you are a Christian and that fact doesn’t still absolutely blow your mind, something is wrong.

What would your husband, wife, best friend, child, think if you never asked them about their day or told them about yours? They want to know about what excited you, what thrilled you, what made you sad and you want the same consideration.

This is hands down, absolutely one of the best things about being a Christian; to know that I have a God who is present in each and every detail of my life. I can’t imagine not being able to share with Him throughout the day. I hear a beautiful piece of music and I say…..”Wow, God, thank you for that. Thank you for people who want to use their gifts.”

Every breath can become a prayer and when you have practiced this long enough it becomes second nature to praise Him, to cry with Him, to share laughter with Him.

To share your everyday life with Him.

I encourage you to bring Him in to every moment of your day today. The wonderful ones, and the not so wonderful ones. You won’t be disappointed.

He wants that.

It’s what I am most grateful for today. It’s been a tough week, but He’s still here.

Still listening to the whispers in my heart.

Psalm 139 and 3/4

“I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.”

He has indeed called us Heavenward. And even as we battle down here we are thinking of that hereafter, that future time where the cares of this world are but a lost memory.

And as I lay awake in the dark tallying up my worries, thinking about all the things I wish I could fix but can’t, I write my own Psalm and call it 139 and three-quarters.

For the umpteenth time, I give Him my laundry list of things, those that He already knows about me and I feel it float Heavenward as He assures me He loves me anyway, again.

When sleep is snatched away by the cares of this world, I pray in the wide awake moments before dawn and I feel the peace of my home surrounding me like a cloak. Though worldly sorrow nips at the edges of my heart, the hope of His peace seeps in and around it like Holy smoke. This is the prayer I pray:

“Bind us together Lord, bind us together with cords that cannot be broken.”

And then I think of the sock that made its way into my suitcase. Her little sock.

I don’t know how it got there, but I am glad it came back with me.

I think of all the pictures I didn’t take, and how my camera never left its bag. And how I couldn’t care less because what we had instead was much more beautiful.

I thought of how we hid every possible place in the house and how she covered her eyes and counted and giggled as we crouched together in the dark closet while my Dad looked for us. She still hasn’t got the part where she is supposed to stay quiet while she hides, and that makes it all the more precious somehow.

Years from now, I will remember how we all collapsed on the couch after we were done, and how Mom came in and asked what we had all been doing to look so exhausted.

I thought of how I put swim goggles on along with my wrinkles and flat hair and went all the way under the water because she wanted to see me under there with her. I can still hear her shriek of excitement, “You too, Nori!”

It was also a weekend of some firsts. She sat down beside me on the couch with a book and let me read to her, something I have dreamed of ever since she was born. It was like a mini miracle. And how she wedged herself into the couch close by me, wanting to be right by my side all weekend long.

We went to the store together and she helped me shop. Another first. Store was always a scary place for her before.

No, I didn’t get one photograph of fall, not one red leaf, not one landscape of how the morning mist lay in the vineyards, and not the one of the old barn I saw either. Sometimes life just can’t be freeze framed, it has to be lived. The leaf you see is one I took a year or so ago.

This was not the time to chase the perfect shot. It was the time to savor, and treasure, and corral that which there is never enough of.

Time.

That’s what the sock reminded me of.

And looking at it now, I’m smiling as big as the face on the sock because when I look at it, I can still hear “You too, Nori!”

Sometimes, Heaven’s a place you can find here. It’s in the love shining out from the eyes you leave and come home too.

God’s way of saying He loves us.

Small Blog Break

I will be gone for a few days to surprise my niece with a visit……..We will spend time doing things like this…….

I am anticipating her smile and shriek of joy at the airport. (and mine)

I intend to pack a lot into three days, and now that my kitty is better, I can feel better about leaving. He has been sick, and as you all know, when pets or kids or anyone you love is sick, the world kind of stops.

So, with camera in tow, I head off to California this morning with a lighter heart.

I will come back with more memories and hopefully lots of pictures of bright fall leaves, which are pretty much scarce here.

Posts to follow……

I thank my God in all my remembrance of you, always offering prayer with joy in my every prayer for you all, in view of your participation in the gospel from the first day until now. For I am confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus. Philippians 1:3

When you no longer recognize your church

It is a relatively modern phenomenon. One church, several locations.
Here’s how it works. It runs a bit like a corporation; with one main Pastor or CEO who runs the show and several co-Pastors who man their individual “Campuses.”

The way it happened in my last church was that our Pastor retired and another Pastor came in, one who already had a church in a neighboring town. All of a sudden we had a real live Pastor twice a month. The other time we saw him via a video feed speaking from the other campus.

The first time we went, it was so slick and polished and coordinated and pre-packaged…….and fast, we wondered if we had actually just attended church. Instead of speed dating, we were speed churching. It was like church drive-by.

We left. There was no more spontaneity, no more prayer for needs in the service, no more holiness. More than anything, I didn’t feel the Holy Spirit there anymore. It was like he packed up and moved out.

It’s really hard to get God to work in a constrained and prepackaged formula. The Holy Spirit needs room to breathe, room to work in and through His people. He doesn’t stay where He isn’t welcome.

Now it has happened again. Our church building was sold out from under us by the developer and almost overnight, we had to find a new home. The church that was interested in buying it backed out when they found out we didn’t even have a clue the building was up for sale. It was a bad deal all around.

Another Pastor who already had three “campuses” in other towns, offered to let us continue, but under his church name, and as part of his church organization. We were now the East Valley branch.

There is only one problem with it. We are unrecognizable from what we were before. We are them now, which to some people is just wonderful. Our Pastor is still the Pastor, sort of, but he doesn’t speak, he just introduces the other “hosting Pastor” who does his talk via video. I assume he will get a “turn.”

So this past Sunday was our make or break Sunday. Will we stay or leave. And we decided we will leave.

I think it is safe to say that we had both already decided when we heard a song by Stevie Wonder filtering into the church coming from the stage where we used to hear praise music. Nothing against Stevie Wonder, I love his music, just not to open a church service.

And when we saw the flat screens projecting, not church messages, but football scores, and an actual game, I got a vision of Jesus and the money changers in the Temple. I pictured him with a baseball bat bashing out the screens. This is the question that has haunted me ever since.

Have we gotten to the point where we really want more world in the church instead of more church in the world?

And someone kidnapped our outstanding music group with another guy who smiled a little too much and sang every song in a monotone. Elaine leaned over and whispered that “all that was missing was the mosh pit.”

Communion is also done differently than any church I have ever attended and I have attended a lot, in just about every denomination. The plate is passed and you eat and drink the elements right then before you pass them on.

It’s craziness. People trying to pass and balance, hurry and not spill looked more like people doing oyster shooters and shots of vodka than communion. By that time my sense of humor either saved me or failed me, whichever way you want to look at it. I had to bite the sides of my mouth to keep from laughing out loud. Where is the holiness, where is the reflective pause? Where is the feeling of community where we all gathered at the table and received it together.

Am I missing something?

The “talk” was short, and meatless. I felt more like I had just been to family counseling session than church. He had some very good points, and he smiled at the right times, and looked sympathetic and humble at the right times. He spoke like he has been through the Dale Carnegie school of public speaking…….more than once.

And again. There was no “altar call” and if that is just too evangelical for you, no time for “a decision.”

We will be looking for a new place of worship, needless to say.

And it makes me sad that once again, we have to do this. But do this we will. Because I believe in the church more than ever. Both as a body of believers and as an actual place to go.

I don’t need it relevant.

I need it real, and full of Jesus and some imperfection please.

If anyone is reading this and loves all the changes taking place, please don’t be offended. These are my thoughts and mine alone. I am sure the Pastors and staff are all wonderful people and want to do what is good for the community and are following their hearts. There is always the possibility that I am way off base with my synopsis of the way things are. I am by no means any kind of spiritual health meter of churches.

And yet, when it’s all said and done, each of us has to go where we are fed.

And my prayers, you can be assured, are with you always.

I would be interested in comments. Has anyone had similar experiences?

Parable thoughts

Now after a long time the master of those servants came and settled accounts with them. And he who had received the five talents came forward, bringing five talents more, saying, ‘Master, you delivered to me five talents; here I have made five talents more.’ His master said to him, ‘Well done, good and faithful servant.You have been faithful over a little; I will set you over much. Enter into the joy of your master.’ Matthew 25:19-22

Now if anyone builds on the foundation with gold, silver, precious stones, wood, hay, straw— each one’s work will become manifest, for the Day will disclose it, because it will be revealed by fire, and the fire will test what sort of work each one has done. If the work that anyone has built on the foundation survives, he will receive a reward. If anyone’s work is burned up, he will suffer loss, though he himself will be saved, but only as through fire. 1 Corinthians 3:12-15

When I read a certain Bible passage, first I pray for the Holy Spirit’s help in understanding and interpreting the verse. Then I use my study guides to help me consider the context, in other words, where the writer was coming from and what he was talking about in the previous verses.

Even at that, I can still muck things up by over complicating it.

In reading these two passages, I did what I do most of the time. I insert myself in the story and I ask myself some questions:

“Which one am I, really?

“Which one does God see me as?

“How do others see me?

I imagine myself standing before Jesus on that day, hopping up and down on one singed foot…….”Well, here I am Lord! I barely escaped the flames but I’m here, whew!” And then with an almost imperceptible shake of His head and sadness in His eyes, He holds His arms out to me anyway.

And then there are the talents……all those gifts He gave me that I clung to in fear. That I held deep inside. Those things I was afraid to share with others…….that light I didn’t let shine for fear of failure. And those I buried in the backyard trying to them safe instead of giving them out so He could multiply them for me.

When it all comes down to it, we are extremely hard on ourselves. And the reason God put all those things in the Bible is not to make us feel terrible about ourselves, but to spur us on to action. To encourage us.

He wants us to see that while we see only our failure, He sees where we have succeeded in Him.

He sees those times we seem to think nothing of. Those times we prayed for hours, faithfully each morning. Those times we passed the grocery cart to the next person and smiled. The time we were a peace-maker at work. Those times we were obedient by picking up the phone to encourage a fellow believer……

When we stand there before Jesus, feeling very much alone, maybe feeling maybe a little bit like the cowardly lion before Oz?

I believe He will say: “Who are all those behind you?”

Then we will look…….and He will remind us of all those times. And all those people.

Maybe you are not Billy Graham. And maybe, like me, you don’t preach on street corners. But you do love God, and you do share that love with others. And your talents too.

And just maybe, that one kindness you do today will be that last barrier that you remove, that last thing standing in the way of someone else’s salvation.

You just never know.

Lori's Prayer Closet

"And when you pray, go into your room, close the door and pray to your Father, who is unseen. Then your Father, who sees what is done is secret, will reward you……"Matthew 6:6

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