Reflection

Are you ready?

From this time many of his disciples turned back and no longer followed him.“You do not want to leave too, do you?” Jesus asked the Twelve. Simon Peter answered him, “Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life. We have come to believe and to know that you are the Holy One of God.” John 6:66-69

I had just finished reading John chapter 6 during my prayer time a few mornings ago. I closed my eyes as I digested all I had read……this chapter is swirling with action. I needed to reflect for a moment on all I had read. It was just getting light out and I heard a dove calling from a few houses away. My little candle was flickering away silently casting a reflection in the little shop window.

I was surprised by a question that was breathed into my heart…..I had just read that saddest of verses, the one where many of Jesus disciples hit the road. It was another instance where Jesus had just finished confounding people with the truth, and it wasn’t want they wanted to hear.

“Are you ready to be my Disciple?” that was the question I heard.

I sat there conflicted. “Of course I am,” I thought. But then I remembered how many of them ended up.

And what was required. Am I ready to take a plunge off a 500 foot drop? Am I ready to commit the rest of my life to a God who commands the wind and the rain? Who can speak the world into existence? Who is many times unpredictable and scary? Am I ready to go wherever He asks? Wherever He leads?

Then I thought about life itself. If someone would have asked me when I came into this world, knowing what I know now, all I would go through, would I have so been quick to say, “Bring it on?”  I most likely would  have said no, I am not ready. Who is ever ready? 

But do I want to do it anyway, also knowing what I know now? And has it been worth it thus far?

To that I can give a resounding, and emphatical “Yes.”

God, in His great wisdom, chooses to bring us through a bit at a time. He allows some pain for growth, but also baptizes us with joy and wraps us in His love and comfort through His Holy Spirit.

That is where I stand today and rejoice along with the 12, for as Peter so rightly said,  “To where would we go?”

Indeed.

Thank you Lord, for giving me the chance at this wonderful adventure of following you. Everything this world has to offer pales in comparison to what You have to give. Amen

The heart of a writer

When can you call yourself a writer?

When you simply have to write.
There was a time not so long ago when I didn’t feel I was worthy to be called one, not a real one anyway.
fake, imposter, wannabe, dreamer….that was what I called myself.
But that wasn’t right.
I felt others deserved the title because of the beauty of their words and the wisdom with which they were written.
I read writing that made me ache from the longing of wanting to string words together that good.
But here’s the thing:
Even though the transformation from the heart to the page sometimes falls completely flat,
I still have to keep writing.
I still have to keep doing it.
Even if no one reads it.
Writing was the one thing in my life that I always started up again.
After so many other things that I had quit.
……..because I was simply compelled to do it.
The words were fighting to get out and I had no choice but to set them free.
Even if I wasn’t always happy with how I expressed it.
Even if I felt others did a much better job of it.
Even if I never got another comment.
Because God gave me permission.
And He takes pleasure in every word I write.
And because everytime I do it, I feel like I am the person He created me to be.
And because I simply have to.
 And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him. Colossians 3:17

And the thunder rolled……

“Thus says the Lord……Stand by the ways and see and ask for the ancient paths, where the good way is, and walk in it; and you shall find rest for your souls. But they said, ‘We will not walk in it.’ Jeremiah 6:16

As I read the words of Jeremiah this morning, reflecting on the wrath of God poured out on a disobediant people, I felt a chill crawl up my spine. Jeremiah had the unpleasant task to be the mouthpiece of God to Israel.

“My soul, my soul! I am in anguish! Oh, my heart! My heart is pounding within me. Because you have heard, O my soul, the sound of the trumpet, the alarm of war!”

Just then, as if ordered by God himself to put a little emphasis on His own words there was a terrible clap of thunder and I almost jumped out of my seat! The anger of God is something I never want to experience personally.

It is easy to feel a little “puffed up” as the Apostle Paul put it, when we read about all those rebellious things the Israelites did, how they strayed from God to worship foreign idols, statues that could neither talk walk or breathe.

How could they, we wonder? After God himself came down in a visual form…..a pillar of fire by night and a cloud by day? After all He had done for them? And all along, there is a loving Father who wants His people back. He longs to love and cherish them and yet they push Him away.

There was another loud clap and in my mind I remembered all those times when I myself have push God away, thinking I knew better….thinking the plan I had for myself was better than the one He had for me. And yet, His mercy and love have pulled me back, over and over again. Not once has He ever refused me.

Oh how He loves us…….His mercy calls us back, new every morning.

As with all things of nature, it thrilled me no end, that clear and powerful reminder. It reminded me this morning who is in control, and it is most definitely not me.

To watch a lightning storm is to watch the finger of God touching down on the earth, and to hear His voice in the thunder a gift, a marvelous thing.

His power, my weakness.

Coming and Going

“Love doesn’t hide. It stays and fights. It goes the distance, that’s why love is so strong. So it can carry you home.” Unknown

Somewhere in between longing and joy, regret and hardship, tears and laughter, there is a place we call home. When we go back we run into all that history, all those feelings, and in turn they run smack into everything that’s going on now. That’s why going home evokes so many powerful emotions for so many.

It’s the place and people you grew up with, the place you learned to sink or swim, or survive and thrive.

Somewhere in between the place we always seek to recreate and romanticize and the place we never want to see again lies that place we call home.

I go back to the place I spent all of my growing up years, so lots of memories come with it. The sorrows and the joys live there within its walls, along with those things that never seem to change.

The squeak in the porch step, the way the screen door sounds when it slams…….my Mom’s dryer that will never die, the one that never stops, all day long…….and that keeps spinning no matter if the door is open or not. I am convinced that God keeps all her appliances going.

And this time, the garage talked. The first time I heard it, it scared the daylights out of me. “Oh,” my Mom said, “Lauryn has a couple dolls out there that talk and it must be the motion that makes them go off.” I felt like I was in a horror movie where Chuckie the doll comes to life.

Everytime I go home I fry something. This time it was my Mom’s favorite hair dryer. I think it was going on its twentieth year. I looked up and the connection in the outlet was smoking. I caught it just in time.

My Mom constantly complains about not having enough electrical outlets, and it is a valid complaint. Back in the early sixties, they didn’t put outlets in every six feet, about two per bedroom was enough.

There was a new hood over the stove this time. I went to reach for something up in the cupboard and I almost needed a ladder. The new hood extended much further over the cupboard than the last one, but neither my Mom or Dad thought it was a problem when they bought it, they were just happy to have a new one.

The cat still loves to hang out in the sink. The first one liked it there, and so does the new one, amazingly enough!

My Mom still gives me the best of whatever she has. She insisted I have her new fan, not the one that rattles, and having body wash and lotion for me when I didn’t even think she heard me say I needed it. At eighty three she still seems to have everything everyone needs.

My Dad still says, “Everything is better when you’re here…..”

And when I close my eyes I still hear, “Watch me, Nori!” and it makes me happy but sad all at the same time.

My niece still has a problem saying her “L’s.” She was so thrilled that her Auntie was there with her, watching her swim. And she laughed and laughed at the video I made of her kitties getting into a tussle. Her favorite thing to do now is make videos of us when she thinks we aren’t watching and then laugh uproariously when we catch her at it.

I have found that going home teaches me lessons all over again. I learn things about myself and some of them don’t make me happy, yet I am thankful for them because without the realization, the change wouldn’t be possible.

Going home is made up of little hard and soft moments all strung out together.

I realized this, as Mom and I sat hand in hand watching Franklin Graham evangelize India. We each shed tears because how could you not, watching people who have nothing, suddenly gain everything? Part of mine were shed because everytime I am near them, I feel the weight of time pressing heavy.

We are a family in crisis mode, and aren’t we all? And sometimes, most times, I just don’t know to help.

One thing I do know to be true, the faith that has kept us together through so much still stands, will always stand. And always…..He keeps us.

And going home and coming home are both very good.

“The LORD shall preserve thy going out and thy coming in from this time forth, and even for evermore.” Psalm 121:8

No words needed

Sometimes it’s good to just imagine yourself in a quiet comfortable place…..

No words needed…….just a glance up every now and then, a nod, a smile……

Just simple enjoyment of being together in that moment, knowing that all is right in your world, because you have God and each other and that is all you need.
“This is what the Sovereign LORD, the Holy One of Israel, says: “Only in returning to me and resting in me will you be saved. In quietness and confidence is your strength…..”
Isaiah 30:15

Okay God, I’m Listening

 “Hurry is not ‘of the devil,’ it is the devil.” Carl Jung
I am guilty, I confess. Everyday I am in violation of the law. I go over the speed limit, and then I make excuses as to why. But really, I rationalize, who goes the speed limit? If you do the speed limit anywhere in the general metropolis of Phoenix, Arizona, you are in danger of being a victim of road rage, which could result in death, and that would be bad for your health. “I want to live,”  I rationalize.
After all, this is someone else’s idea of what is safe, not mine. 
Why do I feel I am except from following the established rules of the road. Why do I obey the other rules? Why not throw those out too? I think it boils down to a couple of issues, pride and rebellion. After all, I think I should be the one to judge what is safe for me. I know my driving ability.  I pick and choose which rules I think are important and let the rest slide. 
I treat them like suggestions, not laws.
I, I and I.
And, I wonder, what if I applied that rational of thinking to what God tells me to do in His word?  Do I treat those as suggestions too?  Or do I trust God and obey without question?
What actually started all this self evaluation this morning?
I was late for work. And I was mad that the back security gate was broken…..again. So this means I have to use the main gate which causes me to pull out onto a busy road which causes me to wait. I was distracted.  As I accelerated….just a bit,  and rounded the corner I was met head on by two early morning bicyclists.
The wife was riding on the side of the road, but he was in the middle and had to swerve out of my way. I saw irritation on both their faces. I was going slow, mind you, I was only 200 feet from my front door. But I was guilty as sin. My habit of speeding had convicted me, because I know what I do just about every day. And it’s wrong.
And what surprised me even more was how quickly I wanted to find a way to blame them. Just like Eve.
By the time I got to work, my conscience was as out of control as a raging fire. I felt as guilty as if I had fled the scene of a hit and run accident. I had put myself in prison and thrown away the key.
Then when I got to work, a co-worker described an accident they had to detour around. It was a fatality. A driver of a Toyota pickup, due to excessive speed had lost control and had been thrown from his vehicle.
And now someone had to plan a funeral.
Okay, God. You got my attention, I am slowing down now.

Free Indeed

“So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed.” John 8:36
 
Today I got to enjoy something not everybody does.
In fact, many people in the world could only dream of what I got to do. 
I got to get up free from fear.
I didn’t have to worry about someone taking my life.
Or the life of someone I care about.
 
And last night as I went to sleep,
I didn’t have to fear someone coming in and taking what was mine,
or harming those I love.
I got to sleep in safety and security.
 
I got to get in my car and enjoy knowing it would start.
Because I have a job that allows me to take care of it.
Put gas in it.
 
And I got to drive to work.
Many people now don’t have that luxury,
that freedom.
 
And I got to do all these things feeling good.
Not sick.
Some people have to work sick or in pain
because they are afraid they will lose
their jobs if they don’t go in.
 
Then next week, I will get on a plane
and fly away to see family.
 
When some people have so many responsibilies
they can’t ever take time off.
 
But the biggest thing I am grateful for,
that is, next to living in this great country…….
 
is the freedom that Jesus gives me each and every day.
The freedom that He bought for me
with His very own life…….in light of that great fact,
 
there is always something to be grateful for.
 
“Sin is no longer your master, for you no longer live under the requirements of the law. Instead, you live under the freedom of God’s grace.” Romans 6:1

The Joy of Being Found

But Jesus often withdrew to lonely places and prayed. Luke 5:16
Sometimes, when I am in a forest, I like to hide behind a tree and remember what it was like to play hide and seek. The excitement of being found………The years fall away and I hear someone say, “I found you!” We all want the joy of being found, that is, by someone we want to be found by.
Today, try being a kid just for a few minutes. Play a game of hide and seek with someone. For those of you without kids it may be a challenge, but you can do it. Let the adult world fall away for just a moment……
Rediscover the wonder of the world. Hide behind a door and close your eyes. Listen to what’s going on around you, the sounds of your home. And if there is silence, breathe it in and imagine being found. Count to 50 and hear the voice you had as a child, or remember the voice of a childhood friend, brother, sister, cousin.
Then imagine being found by God.
Imagine, He seeks us. All day, everyday. Just like he met Adam and Even in the cool of the evening. He wants us to find Him, and He’s not hiding behind a tree, He’s closer than you can imagine:
From one man he created all the nations throughout the whole earth. He decided beforehand when they should rise and fall, and he determined their boundaries.“His purpose was for the nations to seek after God and perhaps feel their way toward him and find him—though he is not far from any one of us. For in him we live and move and exist. As some of your own poets have said, ‘We are his offspring.’ Acts 17:

My niece loves hide and seek now. Sometimes she forgets the rules, she wants you to hide over and over again, and it doesn’t matter, to her and to me, it’s the joy of the game.
 
I hope I never get so caught up in rules that I lose sight of what God wants me to know. That He loves me, and He loves being found by me, always.
 

What makes us forget our passion?


 Nevertheless I have this against you, that you have left your first love. Revelations 2:4
It was sitting where I left it, on the floor by the chest of drawers in my bedroom. My camera, the one I was so proud and happy to splurge on. The one that has captivated me and made me forget everything…..made me think that maybe I had a spark of talent for this……..
But then it happens. I get discouraged. Thoughts come that I know aren’t right. I go on other sites and sabatoge myself. I think how much better the professionals are, the real photographers. I see how much they can do, and I want to be able to do it too. But that voice whispers thoughts, warped ones. And I listen. Sometimes.
Don’t we all from time to time? Life wears us down and we forget our passion, our first love. That one thing we could always do that made us forget everything else. Or that one special person who could always make us smile, feel fully alive. My brother used to do wonderful woodwork. He could make wood as smooth as glass…….he had the patience for it. Since the divorce, he hasn’t built a thing and it makes me so sad.  
The voice of despondency, and discouragement whispers that it can never be revived again, that it’s not possible. But that voice would be wrong. God can bring new life into anything. Marriages, talents, old friendships long gone, that thing you used to do that brought such passion, such life.
And Jesus said to him, “‘If You can?’ All things are possible to him who believes.”
One thing I know to be true. If you have joy and passion for something, that is a gift from God. And by doing that thing you are honoring Him. Don’t give up, don’t listen to the negative voices that bring death. Choose life.
Pick up that paintbrush, that saw, that drill, that pen……that microphone……that hammer. 
That camera. And do it to the glory of God just for the love of it.  He will absolutely bless it. And He will make you better than you ever thought possible. And you know what, no one can do that thing exactly the way you do it anyway. You bring your own special beauty to it in a way no one else can.
This morning, I listened to my own preaching. I lifted my camera out of the case and apologized to it and to God.
And in the early morning, I sat and clicked. I captured Daddy quail along the wall, and then saw Mom with three chicks. Then the woodpecker came into view, banging on the satelite dish as always…….and then the pigeons got into the act because I had just put out bread…..
By the time I left them to their bread and their bath…...I was alive again.

How Patient Am I?

One line of a book made me think…….”She hung up the phone.” I instantly thought of the old rotary dial phones I grew up with. I instantly remembered the way it sounded to actually hang up a phone. We don’t really hang up anymore. There’s no real finality to it. When you don’t hear that “clunk.” Used to, when you hung up, you hung up. But now, the hang up may be followed by a text…..”Nice talking to you….Oh, forgot to tell you…..” We are totally and completely connected. And then there’s Facebook and Twitter. Pinterest.

Earlier today I went visiting over at Debbie’s place and she challenged me with a question: “Just how patient am  I?” I think, not very. People have told me I am very patient, and I am sometimes, depending on the situation. But lately I am surprised at just how quickly the anger can flare up when the clothing I am trying to get off the hanger wont come off. Or when I am trying to find a parking place at work and someone beats me to it.

I text while in line at the store……Not a minute to be wasted. Or I take out my phone and get caught up on Words with Friends. I wonder……I remember, how would I feel now if I had to wait for that rotary dial to finish dialing that number. I hear it in my mind, and sometimes I wish I could hear it again. I remember my Grandmother’s dial was literally worn down she used it so much. She would have loved texting.

The hang up. The pause. The reflecting on the call that just finished. It seems there are fewer and fewer pauses anymore. That’s why I think it’s important we set out to create them in our lives.

That was the whole idea of doing my blog. Creating a quiet place of rest, carving out some time to meet with God…….getting out of the fast lane of life for just awhile. We need it more and more. I am thinking that our whole society, while dedicated to saving time, actually makes us savor time less.

I think we need more pauses. What do you think?