Grace

Thankful for another Birthday!


Lord, I stand before you today so very grateful to have had fifty one years of life. I think of all You have brought me through and I can only stand in awe of how You have loved me. It brings me to tears in quiet times of contemplation when I think of the many times I have turned away from You…..

You remained steadfast, and knew that I would come back. How can I contemplate such a love? A love that does not move, does not budge even with all the meanderings of my heart.

With every passing year, I pray that I bring you more and more of myself and cling to less of everything else.

Lord Jesus, we are silly sheep who have dared stand before You and try to bribe You with our preposterous portfolios. Suddenly we have come to our senses. We are sorry and ask You to forgive us. Give us the grace to admit we are ragamuffins, to embrace our brokenness, to celebrate Your mercy when we are at our weakest, to rely on Your mercy no matter what we may do.

Dear Jesus, gift us to stop grandstanding and trying to get attention, to do the truth quietly without display, to let the dishonesties in our lives fade away, to accept our limitations, to cling to the gospel of grace, and to delight in Your love. Amen
Brennan Manning “The Ragamuffin Gospel

Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful. Colossians 3:15

Making peace with my spots

My Mom and her dear friend Pat were conversing over coffee, when something in the conversation prompted Pat to say, “I have never liked myself.” She said it softly, looking down at the table. I must preface this to say that Pat is one of the most giving, loving people that I have ever met. When Pat says “I will pray for you,” it is no trite statement, she says it from the depths of her innermost being.

My Mom had her Bible on the table, so she opened it to Psalm 139 and started reading aloud. Then she got to this part:
For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place.
When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,
your eyes saw my unformed body.
All the days ordained for me
were written in your book
before one of them came to be. Psalm 139: 13-16

Great tears slid down her cheeks, for she was convicted. Pat loves God with a depth that knows no bounds. When she read those lines she knew that she had failed Him and it crushed her.

Since that day her whole countenance has changed. She feels differently about herself now and it shows. Even her daughter noticed the difference! Now she is sharing the message with others. Her new found freedom is infectious. Her enthusiasm has infected me to pass it along…..and learn.

So today I am taking a lesson from Pat, and my Mom. I have never liked my skin. It has given me problems since I was twelve years old. Severe acne plagued me up until such time as they invented Accutane. That drug was a miracle for me….I also have large pores and freckles. I have always coveted beautiful skin. You know the kind, no pores at all, looks like porcelain. My dear friend always leads me around the cosmetics section at Dillard’s and Macy’s. She knows how I feel.

I am making peace with my “spots” as they call them in the UK. All of them. Instead of saying or thinking, “I hate my spots,” I am going to say, “I am fearfully and wonderfully made, and my skin has made me the person I am today.”

God created my spots, and He created Yours too, whatever they are! I am praying that God will help me to wear them beautifully and with grace. For I am His little spotted lamb!

Redemption and Conversion


“Oswald Chambers said that conversion is a human act — turning away from sin, and a sinful lifestyle. Redemption, however, is something that is received. God does it for us. He wrote that too many so-called Christians have not gotten beyond conversion — they have joined a church, and given up some old habits, but they have not yet received anything from God, and are satisfied as they are.

Conversion is a gift and an achievement. It is the act of a moment and the work of a lifetime. You cannot attain salvation by disciplines—it is the gift of God. But you cannot retain it without disciplines. If you try to attain salvation by disciplines, you will be trying to discipline an unsurrendered self. You will be sitting on a lid. The result will be tenseness instead of trust. “You will wrestle instead of nestle.” While salvation cannot be attained by discipline around an unsurrendered self, nevertheless when the self is surrendered to Christ and a new center formed, then you can discipline your life around that new center—Christ. Discipline is the fruit of conversion—not the root.” E. Stanley Jones

A further illustration of God’s love and grace is demonstrated by the fact that we can’t even willfully turn from sin and turn to Christ without God’s initiation, so the whole thing is one huge act of Grace from start to finish…..”No one can come to me unless the Father who sent me draws him, and I will raise him up at the last day.” John 6:44
To watch the conversion and redemption process in someones life is to witness a true miracle of our modern day. When you begin to see changes in your own life that you know deep down could only come with the help of God, that’s a miracle. When you look back at where you started and see how far you have come….that’s Gods Grace. When you realize how far you still have to go, that’s Grace again. Jesus did the hard part, but now we follow in His steps, however haltingly, yet we have the assurance of victory at the end of the race.

“So I find this law at work: When I want to do good, evil is right there with me. For in my inner being I delight in God’s law; but I see another law at work in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within my members. What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death? Thanks be to God—through Jesus Christ our Lord!” Romans 7:21-25

The Moving Box


I put it out by the curb, this perfectly good moving box. I tried to throw it away but I couldn’t. I took about two steps away from it and then turned and retrieved it and put it back on the shelf. If I had left it out on the curb, that would have meant I was totally committed to six more years here until my retirement. This way, I have a small hope that it will happen sooner.

Sometimes we hold onto something small because it represents something bigger.

The box represents a dream. Of moving back to my hometown. A place of permanence. No more moving. Of spending some good years with my folks before they pass on….of building a relationship with my 7 year old niece, of being a real Auntie instead of a bit player in her life. Of buying a little home with a shelf for African violets, and maybe a garden.

Around the time I thought maybe I heard the call to go back, my home was sold at an unbelievable price, right before the bottom dropped out. God sold that home, not the realtor. Then things happened that made thinking of a move more difficult. The economy took a dive. California, my home state, is now in financial ruin. Everyday I hear the reports of friends there who have lost their jobs. And my job is secure, I have great benefits.

When I started with this company I never dreamed that God would place me in the job I have now. He literally placed me here, of that I have no doubt. I have no college degree, and yet He has given me success here for fourteen years!

Even so, for about 7 years now I have felt like one of the virgins with the lamp stand, ready for the knock at the door. I thought I heard the Bridegroom coming, several times. Maybe I did, and maybe I ignored Him. I get these thoughts:
But if he got me this job, couldn’t He get me another? Is my faith too weak? Is my God too small? Has my job become my god? All these questions run around in my head and I know God is tired of them, I know I am.

I wonder, did I miss the window of opportunity? Did I get the timing wrong? Did I not recognize His voice? Does that mean that He has balled up the master plan and thrown it into the throne fire? No more chances for me? Or is there a possibility that this is all part of the plan itself and I am right where He wants me to be for now? Are you tired, because I sure am.

Softly His voice speaks to my heart, “As I was with the Israelites in the desert so am I with you. I led them with my Presence as I will continue to lead you. I love you with an everlasting love that will never cease and nothing will ever change that.”

Maybe you feel like you missed a window of opportunity. Maybe it was a big one. God was not surprised by that. He is an expert at creating new windows.

“To man belong the plans of the heart, but from the LORD comes the reply of the tongue. All a man’s ways seem innocent to him, but motives are weighed by the LORD. Commit to the LORD whatever you do, and your plans will succeed.” Proverbs 16:1-3

God cares about our dreams, and longs to give us the desires of our heart. Right now the desire of my heart, even more than my dream is Him. His ways, His path is what matters most. It is the only sure place to step. So I will keep walking, keep lighting the lamp of His word. Keep praying. He has given me tremendous peace at times when I least expected it. And He will do the same for you.

Was there ever a time when you feel like you missed His plan? Did He work it out for good anyway?

“In his heart a man plans his course, but the LORD determines his steps.” Proverbs 16:9

Facing Death with Christ


Had a post in mind today but something I read superceded everything else I was feeling and my perspective has changed, for the moment anyway. Perspectives have a way of changing on a dime, sometimes. It’s God’s way of reminding us what is really important. I could almost hear God saying, “Take that!” He threw the windows of my soul open and I could feel the stale air being replaced by the fresh air of His Spirit.

The story was called “Facing Death with Christ”, (On my way to Heaven) by Reverend Mark Ashton vicar of Saint Andrew the Great in Cambridge, England. As Author and friend Tal Brooke writes, “Mark was from the generation of Oxford men following that of John Stott and Dick Lucas, who were determined to bring back the gospel to the Church of England. Over 700 strong from Cambridge University swelled the pews of this church that occupied so critical a crossroads. It was packed everytime I went.”

In December 2008 Mark had a routine gallbladder surgery and cancer was found. It was past the point of surgical removal or any kind of treatment. He remembers telling the surgeon after he had been told the news that, “what he had just told me was, for a Christian believer, not bad news but good; it was not the end of the story, but the beginning.”

Following are some of the quotes from the article, which is very long and unfortunately I couldn’t get an online version. However, you can order the booklet here at Amazon UK.

“We all die as great sinners saved by the great grace of a far greater God. Funeral eulogies rarely present an honest picture of a person’s life. The good is magnified, the bad excluded. But when Christians are remembered as they really were: including their failures and follies, their bad moods and intolerance, their moments of harshness and unkindness, then Christ is made more glorious. For He is the one who has saved us despite our sin; who has loved us even more in their weakness.”

“While physical things spoil and go dim, spiritual things grow brighter and clearer.”

“I can now see that much of what I have striven for and much of what I have allowed to fill my life these 40 years have been of dubious value, I am not now going to gain any further reputation of achieve anything more of significance, and I realize how little that matters.”

“I need to keep short accounts now, because I may never have time to make amends or apology in this life. The Bible speaks to me about this with every great authority and relevance. Each day as I open it, God speaks straight into my heart by his Word. And it tells me what lies beyond this life, I can see the end of life. It looms over the horizon…..I know that it is God’s work and not mine that will get me there.”

It’s unfortunate that it takes something of this magnitude to make our perspective so clear, but most of the time it does.

Mark Ashton went to be with the Lord on Easter Saturday, April 3, surrounded by his family. His last words were, “I am nearly home.”

“For if the dead are not raised, then Christ has not been raised either. And if Christ has not been raised, your faith is futile; you are still in your sins. Then those also who have fallen asleep in Christ are lost. If only for this life we have hope in Christ, we are to be pitied more than all men.” 1 Corinthians 15:16-19

Keeping count in my heart today……
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Faith like Noah

“In the six hundredth year of Noah’s life, on the seventeenth day of the second month—on that day all the springs of the great deep burst forth, and the floodgates of the heavens were opened. And rain fell on the earth forty days and forty nights.” Genesis 6:11-12

I am celebrating rain today. We finally had the kind of rain that people in the desert dream of. Sideways, torrential rain. All this rain puts me in mind of Noah. I am trying to imagine the kind of faith it would take to keep on building an Ark for anywhere between 55 to 75 years. (This figure was developed by a very smart Biblical research guy, not me.) I also could not find anywhere in the Bible where it says that the people taunted Noah while he was building it, but given the cultural climate I would say it is a strong possibility they did. The LORD saw how great man’s wickedness on the earth had become, and that every inclination of the thoughts of his heart was only evil all the time. Genesis 6:5

Ever had someone say to you, “You really believe all that stuff?” Referring to the events in the Bible. They look at you with a bemused mixture of disbelief and bewilderment, and sometimes downright anger depending on who you are talking to. You may as well have just told then that aliens had kidnapped you from your bed and then flown you back to earth in time for work.

All the while Noah just kept hammering away, mixing up more pitch and sawing up more cypress. And watching the sky….It must have been very hard for he and his family. Lets face it, if we are to be honest, even if a 8 foot tall heavenly messenger came complete with thundering voice and glowing countenance, sooner or later they go away and you are left with insulting crowds and a clear sky with no rain in sight.

He just kept building. Just like we keep on believing. We belong to the family of Noah after all. When we really start to count up the ways we exercise our faith on a daily basis, we realize we have quite a bit in common with Noah after all. We pray to a God we can’t see and we believe He answers and we look to the sky just like Noah did.

“Noah was six hundred years old when the floodwaters came on the earth. And Noah and his sons and his wife and his sons’ wives entered the ark to escape the waters of the flood. Pairs of clean and unclean animals, of birds and of all creatures that move along the ground, male and female, came to Noah and entered the ark, as God had commanded Noah.” Genesis 7:6-9

I wish I could have seen it. All the animals walking peaceably side by side, leopards, elephants, goats, crocodiles, as Noah stood by the door with his staff….Thank you God for Noah’s great faith, and for the rain.

Dealing with Disappointment


We have all felt the weight of disappointment. It’s crushing, sometimes debilitating. When it’s due to circumstance it is frustrating enough, but when it is caused by people we care about, the hurt sinks deeper. It may be that they have no clue of the depth and impact their decision made on you. But there is One who does.

It washes over you in waves. You think you are over it, then you get another reminder, a text, a phone call. You want to tell them, “Hey, I am still smarting from this, while you seem to be going about your business as if everything is normal.” I am not okay yet.

There is only one thing we can do with disappointment, and that is to lay our battered heart at the cross of the One who knows how it feels. Talk it all out with Him. He knows how it feels to be disappointed over and over again by people. But He gave that to the Father. Somehow I think He did this when He went alone to quiet places to pray. I think He did this often, to renew His strength. To keep going, to keep loving, no matter what the cost.

Stand on the shore today, if only in your mind. Feel your disappointments wash away and be taken out to sea with every cleansing wave. Know that you will heal because of your relationship to the Healer.

Jesus was disappointed by people everywhere He went. He more than anyone knew the capacity for failure in the human heart. But He never stopped reaching out, He counted the cost and He figured we were worth it. He knew we would disappoint him, but it didn’t matter, He knew He must keep offering love.

Give your offerings, your every disappointment to Him today. Let the Holy Spirit bind your heart today with His peace.

“When he rose from prayer and went back to the disciples, he found them asleep, exhausted from sorrow. “Why are you sleeping?” he asked them. “Get up and pray so that you will not fall into temptation.” Luke 22:45,46

Surprised by joy


Here I am Lord and I’m drowning
In your sea of forgetfulness
The chains of yesterday surround me
I yearn for peace and rest
I don’t want to end up where you found me
And it echoes in my mind
Keeps me awake tonight

Jesus can you show me
Just how far the East is from the West
Cause I can’t bear to see the man I’ve been
Come rising up in me again
In the arms of your mercy I find rest
Cause you know just how far the East is from the West
From one scarred hand to the other. “East to West”, Mercy Me

This morning my prayer room felt empty. I lit my candle anyway as an offering of faith. It was mustard seed small. I prayed, wondering what I did wrong that I didn’t feel Him there, to make Him turn away. I waited in the silence. So intent on myself and my feelings I forgot to leave room for the Holy Spirit.

Sometimes I think God hides Himself a bit just to see what we will do.

I think sometimes He plays hide and seek in order to encourage us to flex our faith muscles and pray anyway. I waited…..I praised some more, I read the Psalms. I sang…..He surprised me with His joy leaping up like John in Elizabeth’s womb. What mercy. What did I do to deserve this lavish grace?Absolutely nothing.

Then I think, why me? What about the one who prays for days, weeks, months, and never seems to get any confirmation that God is listening? That is dangerous thinking. It is all too tempting to think I did something to get this reaction. I do this, He does that. Like a formula. But God doesn’t work in formulas, and he certainly doesn’t wait around until I hit the right combination of steps in order to reveal Himself. He reveals Himself in His own time, and His timing is always perfect.

He does it because of His great love and grace. Because He loves giving gifts to His children. It pleases Him to do these things. There is nothing I could do that would make God do anything. Or not do something. But here is a very important reason why God reveals Himself in our lives…..so we can encourage and build each other up!

The Bible assures us that He will answer in due time. I entered my prayer closet empty and came out filled….
“Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened. “Which of you, if his son asks for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake? If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him.” Matthew 7:7-11

Has there ever been a time in your life when you felt God was hiding His presence?

Rejoicing today in His eagerness to give good gifts: #393 peace in turbulence, #394 perseverance in difficulty, #395 assurance of Scripture, #396 confirmation that He hears, #397 unexpected joy, #398 laughter when all else fails, #399 dear ones to pray with, #400 His strength in my weakness.

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Merciful proof….

Photo from google

“It is only the infinite mercy and love of God that has prevented us from tearing ourselves to pieces and destroying His entire creation long ago. People seem to think that it is in some way a proof that no merciful God exists, if we have so many wars. On the contrary, consider how in spite of centuries of sin and greed and lust and cruelty and hatred and avarice and oppression and injustice, spawned and bred by the free wills of men, the human race can still recover, each time, and can still produce man and women who overcome evil with good, hatred with love, greed with charity, lust and cruelty with sanctity. How could all this be possible without the merciful love of God, pouring out His grace upon us? Can there be any doubt where wars come from and where peace comes from, when the children of this world, excluding God from their peace conferences, only manage to bring about greater and greater wars the more they talk about peace?”
— Thomas Merton (The Seven Storey Mountain)

There is so much that is good in the world, each day we wake to the possibility of witnessing a miracle, if we could only see it as such. What is it about a spectacular sunrise that gives us hope, makes us believe that it is very worth getting up and doing it all again?

There is a Spirit that lives and breathes, that once moved across the waters of the unformed earth, whose breath continues to fill everything in the universe, who moves in us today.

He is behind it all….behind each new blossom, every drop of rain that falls to the ground. He is behind the wild exultant joy we feel sometimes that makes us want to shout out in praise because He started it all.

Where were you when I laid the foundation of the earth? Tell me, if you have understanding. Who determined its measurements–surely you know! Or who stretched the line upon it? On what were its bases sunk, or who laid its cornerstone, when the morning stars sang together, and all the sons of God shouted for joy?” –Job 38

He is behind those quiet moments when we feel we are part of a much bigger whole, bit players in a magnificent stage that is living breathing thriving and pulsating with lifethat struggles to survive even when it seems there is a slim chance for it.

Once, in the quiet hush of a crisp October twilight I walked alone in the woods. It was the time of evening when day and night meet and greet, and nature draws itself in close. I had a holy visitor, nary a trace of sound he made as he trotted, this lone coyote, then sprang lightly over a log, blowing puffs in the air. I felt like a guest there in his perfect world, inside his poem.

God and I saw it together……and it was good.

Lights along the path…..


“You yourselves are a case study of what he does. At one time you all had your backs turned to God, thinking rebellious thoughts of him, giving him trouble every chance you got. But now, by giving himself completely at the Cross, actually dying for you, Christ brought you over to God’s side and put your lives together, whole and holy in his presence. You don’t walk away from a gift like that! You stay grounded and steady in that bond of trust, constantly tuned in to the Message, careful not to be distracted or diverted. There is no other Message—just this one. Every creature under heaven gets this same Message. I, Paul, am a messenger of this Message.” Colossians 1:21-23 The Message

We are Christ’s messengers of Good News. Like lights along the pathway of life, we are to bring light to those around us. We have the best news that was ever given to mankind. Pastor Will gave a great analogy yesterday. I am paraphrasing here, “We call all of our neighbors and friends when we hear that Chick-fil-A is giving away free sandwiches, but when it comes to sharing the Good News of salvation to a lost and dying world we keep silent.”

The other day my co-worker was talking excitedly about a documentary he watched the night before. It was all about how nature works together to provide just the right balance for sustaining life. It was all very evolutionary and scientific. I listened for a moment, nodding in agreement. Then I said, “Yes, it is amazing how everything is perfectly in balance, I believe that God knew exactly what it would take to sustain life and that is how He created it.” He was good natured about it, being open to different views. I couldn’t stay silent.

Then I think, would the Apostle Paul have stopped there? The Acts church was adding to their numbers daily There is someone who may be waiting for you or me to tell them what they most need to hear. They are sitting in darkness waiting for someone to show them the light of Christ. How can we show someone the light when they don’t even know they are sitting in the dark? And how can we show someone the light unless we have come out of the darkness ourselves?

“Now an angel of the Lord said to Philip, “Go south to the road—the desert road—that goes down from Jerusalem to Gaza.” So he started out, and on his way he met an Ethiopian[d]eunuch, an important official in charge of all the treasury of Candace, queen of the Ethiopians. This man had gone to Jerusalem to worship, and on his way home was sitting in his chariot reading the book of Isaiah the prophet. The Spirit told Philip, “Go to that chariot and stay near it.”

Then Philip ran up to the chariot and heard the man reading Isaiah the prophet. “Do you understand what you are reading?” Philip asked.

“How can I,” he said, “unless someone explains it to me?” So he invited Philip to come up and sit with him. Acts 8:26-31 Read the rest of the account here.

Where would I be today if someone had not shared with me? I can’t even think of it. Grateful today for a God who has withheld nothing…..eternal life, His Son, the joy of creation, knowing who set the stars in the sky, peace in turbulence, knowing He will never leave me, He knows my heart, my name, every hair on my head, he holds me in His palm…..#392 and counting. Happy Birthday Dad! Thank you for being my light then and now!
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