Anxiety

Walking in His light…….

“Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.” Matthew 6:34

I awoke in a cycle of worry this morning. Some days start like that. It is the same worry loop my mind runs through, has been running through for several years now. It is familiar to me like an old song. In the days of phonographs and records sometimes there used to be a skip in a record and you would have to go over and reset it back into the right groove or else start it all over again from the beginning. I realise that I have to explain that, and it is funny to me having grown up before the era of CD’s.

Sometimes worry is like that old song, that groove in the record. But I am tired of that song. I made a decision this morning to reset the record. I got up and got dressed in the dark and went out and walked. I put my IPOD on “Praise” and as I listened to songs like….”All of Creation” by Mercy Me, and watched the sky fill up with glorious color, the color of the Master Artist. By the second time around the park, I noticed something start to happen. My spirits were lifting. I was not so worried anymore.

They were being choked out by the praise!

When you fill up your mind with praise to Him, it tends to crowd everything else out. My circumstances didn’t change, the worries are still there, but God is covering them now with promises from His word. Instead of listening the recording in my head, I listen to what God says. He says: “Don’t worry!” He said it often because He knew we would be a recurring problem for us.

I thought another thing this morning too. During Christmas, I tend to put worry and stress on hold and just focus on Christmas and the wonder and joy of it all. Christmas is for me a timeout from all that, a chance to focus on something else. When it is over I tend to go back to my worrisome ways. But why can’t I adapt a Christmas attitude all year long? Well, God says I can!

Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life? Matthew 6:27

Jesus had to walk a lonely road to Calvary for us. Sometimes its the small calvaries in life that get to us. But when we look to Him and keep walking, He will reward us with His hope, His joy, His victory.

If the world is threatening to choke out the Word in your life today, don’t despair. He will come, He will see you through, one step at a time!

photo from my iphone

The God of all comfort…..

Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort,  who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God. 2 Corinthians 1:3,4
It seems everywhere I turn in my own small circle there is need of comfort, so today I am sending this prayer out, and up. I pray that it may be a healing balm for the heart. I pray that it lands softly and rests deep in the soul that is unsettled, that it rests lightly the way this bird rests on this bough, with faith that it may hold him. I pray it settles with feathers of hope that come unexpectedly during the quiet of the day. I pray it brings comfort in the night, when life screams loudest and thoughts are most irrational. 
I pray it comes and gives the calm assurance and peace that can only come from God, and I pray that in all those places where the world and life has left you empty and feeling robbed of joy, that you may feel the fullness of our great God, who is ever-near to the broken-hearted. I pray those who are trying to battle the darkness on their own have the courage to hand it over to Him who has the power to shatter it with His brilliant and marvelous Light.
 I pray that those brave souls who are staying positive in the midst of all the negativity they see around them, be rewarded today with joy overflowing. Be with them Lord, and lift them up with eagles wings before their strength gives out, and provide them with loving arms to surround them when they need them most.
And always remember……
He sees every tear that is shed in private moments when no one is looking and every thought that threatens to bring despair.
“Though the mountains be shaken and the hills be removed, yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken nor my covenant of peace be removed,” says the LORD, who has compassion on you.” Isaiah 54:10

Putting myself in timeout

It never fails….just when I start to get a bit sanctimonious and pat myself on the back about something, God reminds me that I need to practice what I preach. I was thinking I was doing a very good job of just relaxing and enjoying the season when everything just snuck up on me. I am staring at four computer screens at work today and realized that unless I get stuff in the mail TODAY, it will not get done….

My wonderful friend, being the thoughtful angel she is, finished icing all the sugar cookies yesterday……they were really works of art, they all looked like little stained glass windows; I wish I had taken a picture! She really surprised me and everyone is enjoying them today at work…..

So right after I mail that box I plan on finding a quiet place to reflect on all the things I am so very grateful for this year, and of course the real reason for this season…..I think I need a little timeout tonight in my prayer shed!

Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:6,7

Waiting the right way……

“Be as calm in your waiting; let your hearts be strong: because the coming of the Lord is near.” James 5:8

“The blessedness of waiting is lost on those who cannot wait, and the fulfillment of promise is never theirs. They want quick answers to the deepest questions of life and miss the value of those times of anxious waiting, seeking with patient uncertainties until the answers come. They lose the moment when the answers are revealed in dazzling clarity.” Detrich Bonhoeffer

How does God want us to wait? The Bible gives us many examples of “right” waiting….

“When I was waiting quietly for the Lord, His heart was turned to me, and He gave ear to my cry.” Psalms 40:1

“And so, as the result of patient waiting, our forefather obtained what God had promised.” Hebrews 6:15

“I am waiting for the Lord, my soul is waiting for Him, and my hope is in His Word.” Psalms 130:5

So there is quiet waiting, patient waiting, and hopeful waiting…..Let’s take a look at how God waits:

“The Lord is not slow in keeping his word, as he seems to some, but he is waiting in mercy for you, not desiring the destruction of any, but that all may be turned from their evil ways.” 2 Peter 3:9

 “See, I am waiting at the door and giving the sign; if my voice comes to any man’s ears and he makes the door open, I will come in to him, and will take food with him and he with ME.” Revelation 3:20
He is waiting in mercy and He is also actively waiting
“Now may the God who gives comfort and strength in waiting make you of the same mind with one another in harmony with Christ Jesus…” Romans 15:5
And here we see that He gives comfort and strength while we are waiting!
It is hard to wait. I don’t think anyone is really comfortable with it, but it is much better to wait when you have hope in the waiting. Sometimes waiting is absolutely excruciating and stressful. But God wants to teach us to wait calmly and with anticipation to see what He will do in the waiting….that’s when we get true value out of the waiting. I think what most people don’t like is the fact that we feel that our time is wasted while we are waiting, but the miracle can never happen without a waiting period.

I think my favorite part of the Christmas season is the anticipation of it, the preparation, the waiting. I made a decision a few years ago to minimize what I do so that I can really enjoy the season; to do only those things that bring me or others joy and let the rest slide. I have truly enjoyed every Christmas since then. I sometimes feel myself getting pulled into the undertow, but that is when I stop, pray, get somewhere quiet and readjust my thinking, and BREATHE.  It is wonderful. I can’t wait to go to Barnes and Noble this weekend, one of my favorite things to do anytime, but especially right before Christmas. I will grab my coffee and a table, get a stack of magazines or books, and watch the crowd rush by…..

May you have peace and courage in whatever you are waiting for this season. Keep your lamp lit and a light in the window for His coming and may your oil not run dry!

All God’s Special Needs Kids………

We see mess……we want order, perfection….

She sees an opportunity for fun…..

She sees no problem with playing in dead moldering mulchy leaves………in her P.J.s

To her, the lines between work and play are blurred and everything becomes a game. Maybe we can all take some lessons from Lauryn…..
I was thinking about my niece this morning in the wee hours while I was praying for her.  She is in a special needs class at school mostly because she talked very late, and showed a few signs that have been attributed to Autism. I thought, we really are all God’s special needs kids aren’t we?
We walk around and nobody knows what we may be carrying inside……Burdens we carry, scars suffered along the way, we look and act just the same as everyone else, but really, we should all be in a special needs class.
Trying to recover from monumental loss and pain and not knowing how
Hurting from a divorce, reeling with the pain of rejection
Bravely taking care of everyone while you are screaming for help
Thinking you have everything figured out
Piling up success and accomplishment because the child in you still wants your parents to notice
We could all use help, all of us have problems and “special needs.” We put kids in special needs classes because they are not making normal progress, they have developmental differences, but the truth is sometimes we all feel like we are not making normal progress, we get stuck. We can’t go forward or back and we feel stagnant. We try to recover from blows that life deals us and we need help to know how to get back into the flow of what we call normalcy.
We have a God who specialises in taking care of our “Special Needs.” The ones we all have……I am thankful today for so many times that He has helped bind up my wounds and set me back on the path of recovery, or sent others to do His work! I know many today who have excelled in school and life, but are broken beyond repair because of a trauma they never expected. I pray they seek healing from the only One who can. “The Spirit of the Sovereign LORD is on me, because the LORD has anointed me to preach good news to the poor. He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners,” Isaiah 61:1
Thankful today for the simple joys too……playing in leaves, decking the halls for Christmas, conversations by firelight, good books in a cosy corner, prayers said in the dark, playing on my old school playground, dry places in the rain, hearing an eight year old laugh, watching her love her “babies”, being able to see colored leaves as little miracles, Christmas music, humor in every situation, wonderful friends, evening in the park…….#560-#574

holy experience

photos from my iphone

Slowing things down……

Our lives are frittered away by detail. Simplify, simplify…..Henry David Thoreau

Where did October go? One of my favorite months of the year and it was gone before I could turn around. They have started the warmup and it is working it’s way to a fever pitch……It starts earlier and earlier each year. The advertisements pitching their stuff. Better stuff than last year, faster stuff, smarter stuff, more clever stuff, but stuff all the same. I have nothing against stuff, but it is the way they assault us with it that bothers me, and the fact that they use Christmas to do it. It makes me want to say……STOP! Even before it starts.

I am putting the breaks on right now. I will think, dream and pray about Advent and what it means. I will pretend I am in a cabin in the woods, alongside my stack of books and journal, watching multicolored leaves twirling outside the window. And hoping against hope for snow. Mentally I can do this. I will also not berate myself for being behind on Christmas baking. I will conciously make a decision to take pressure off, not put it on. I will look forward to the turkey and not get distracted by what comes after.

I will do some things for others…..Most of all I will enjoy these fleeting months, because they will never come again just this way. I will praise the Lord for all He has gotten us through this year, and know He will still be there at the beginning of the next.

I saw two shooting stars yesterday, ever seen two in one day?

I should finish “Radical” today so tomorrow or the next day I will post some concluding thoughts…..

Meeting God in the Stall

Sometimes the most important thing in a whole day is the rest we take between two deep breaths.  ~Etty Hillesum

Sometimes you just need to get away, immediately…….I had one such moment this morning. I call it a time-out in the stall. It happens every now and then at work. I’ll be cruising along multitasking and answering phones and I feel pressure under the surface, but nothing insurmountable. Then one seemingly small insignificant thing happens and I become overwhelmed by an avalanche of emotion. It’s as if emotions I had been stuffing down for the past week or two, rise to the surface and I realize that I simply cannot answer one more phone call or take one more request at that moment. The small thing that happens usually doesn’t have anything at all to do with what I’m feeling, but it’s enough to make me realize that something is wrong and I need to……STOP immediately……and PRAY.

You Moms (or Dads) raising young kids or teenagers can probably relate to this at home all day. You dream of escape, for just one moment of silence, peace. Of experiencing the unbelievable luxury of being able to lock yourself in without someone banging on the door.

Long ago when I used to go to my Aunt and Uncle’s to stay, my cousins would invariably play one of their favorite tricks on my Aunt. One of them was rigging up her cigarettes with explosives. Awful kids that we were, we would wait until she took her morning break in the bathroom, and then wait by the closed door until we heard the hiss of the match on those Lucky Strikes she always smoked….then, BAM! We would laugh uproariously and wait for the the expletive that usually came after. She never did kill us for that, though she always threatened to. She was truly a saint…..She had five kids, lived with an alcoholic husband for many years, and was always upbeat and good for a laugh, even if it was at her expense.  She needed alone time in the bathroom more than anyone.

Sometimes we all do……

This morning, He met me in the stall once again. I ran in, closed my eyes, took a deep breath and prayed. I felt better…….I’m glad there is no place where He is unwilling to answer when I call.

Before they call I will answer; while they are still speaking I will hear. Isaiah 65:24

What do you do to give yourself a timeout during the day, anyone?

He will see you through

“I call on the Lord in my distress and He answers me…….” Psalm 118:1

Let any words that do not encourage you upward–toward freedom from this world–be put far from you. They are shameful, they are criminal. Defend yourself from these words by being steadfast in prayer. Cry out to your God, who is your shield: Deliver my soul from treacherous tongues.” Homilies on the Psalms” Augustine

My thoughts are scattered today.  I am trying to help my dear friend out of the shadows. Trying to make sense out of something that makes no sense at all. Trying to help her see daylight through a forest that refuses to yield its light. I have traveled through the shadow lands myself and that is why it is so painful to watch. I recognize the paralyzing fear that colors everything. Fear that makes it impossible to move, that makes you look forward to a day off so you can just sit alone and cry, and that makes you angry.

Angry that someone has the power to do that to you……to throw their blackness, their lies, their misery onto you. Especially since you have cared for them, shined the light of your kindness on them for years. Angry and sad because you thought that fear was gone forever…..buried deep, resting in peace. You even had a funeral for it all those years ago, but now circumstances have pulled it up out of the grave, resurrecting old feelings.

Behind the anger, sinking like a small stone at the bottom of your heart there settles grief, for things have changed and they will not be the same again. For that, you grieve. But here is the reality that is true despite everything we feel……The fears, anger and grief were and remain buried with Christ forever. Not only were they buried for good, everything that resembles death was done away with when He rose again. No one and nothing can ever snatch that away from us. Though they are part of our reality now, they have no power over us, they can never again destroy us.

And I know one thing…….about blackness and forests and lands of shadow……they don’t last forever. Mine didn’t and neither will hers, or yours, or mine. I know another thing too, that my own times of darkness can help someone else out of theirs. I can say this with full confidence because I know who My deliverer is. Malachi 4:2 “But unto you that fear my name shall the Sun of righteousness arise with healing in his wings; and ye shall go forth, and grow up as calves of the stall.”

Each moment of the year has its own beauty . . . a picture which was never before and shall never be seen again.- Ralph Waldo Emerson

When you are stressed…….

“But now, this is what the Lord says…he who created you, O Jacob, he who formed you, O Israel; Fear not for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine.

When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze.

For I am the Lord, your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior….Since you are precious and honored in my sight and because I love you.” Isaiah 43:1-4

Now repeat the above verses with your own name in place of “O Jacob” and “O Israel”

When we are suffering and our hearts feel overwhelmed by the pain of our circumstance, even though we know these words to be true in our minds, they don’t always find their way into our hearts, where they are needed the most. What about when someone we love is suffering? We want so to comfort them, to say and do the right thing, to take the pain away, or at least help them make some sense out of it. In our haste sometimes we say the wrong things, or say nothing at all because we really and truly have not been in their shoes. We don’t want to speak of something we have never experienced for fear of sounding critical or presumptious like Job’s friends. Their kind of help could be included under the subtitle: “What Not to Say to a Hurting Person.”

Yet in the beginning they did the best thing they could do, they surrounded Job with comfort. They wept with him…..”Then they sat on the ground with him for seven days and seven nights. No one said a word to him, because they saw how great his suffering was.” Job 2:13

Sometimes the best thing to do is to sit beside them in silence. Grasp their hand, put your arms around them. Pray with them. Pray for wisdom to give Godly advice, and wait……If you are the one hurting, know that God has not left you……How could He ever leave the one He created? Who called you by name?

God is not like your earthly father. Difficult circumstances do not mean He has failed or abandoned you. He has not left you at the school gate. God does not forget the child He made. He has not put you to one side while He is busy with other people. He is not bored with you, and He did not leave you midproject. He adores you. In fact, He promises (and God is incapable of breaking a promise) in Joshua 1:5, “I will never leave you or forsake you.” Beth Redman, “God knows my Name”

I dedicate the above selection to my best friend Elaine today, who is going through a very difficult time with her Dad right now.

In the trenches of life

Tlaquepaque Chapel, Sedona Arizona
“But let all who take refuge in You be glad; let them ever sing for joy. Spread Your protection over them, that those who love your name my rejoice in You.” Psalm 5:11
This morning wasn’t a calm prayer time for me……I was restless, I was worried. I was wondering why circumstances seem so hard for people who are just trying to do the right things. Why does it seem that certain people sail through life with little difficulty? If they need something done they just pay to have someone do it, with money no object they are unscathed by the things that bog the rest of us down. They don’t have to mess with details, they don’t lose sleep over what is not getting done because someone else is doing it…..or not. Either way, they live above the fray unaffected.  
So this prayer is for the rest of us here in the trenches of life. The ones who look around and realize they are standing alone, with no backup in sight. The ones who get robbed themselves because they are caring for others. The ones with anxious prayers like David, who was not a stranger to adversity.
He lost sleep, he was anxious, fearful, distressed and tired. But He also knew his God. He knew that his God was big enough to handle anything. He also knew that God was a refuge where he could always find shelter.
As I was reading, but mostly worrying this morning. I read these lines…..the ones that God highlighted for me, the ones where my finger stopped moving across the page.
“In the morning O Lord you hear my voice; in the morning I lay my requests before You and wait in expectation.”
I pray, but so many times I don’t wait in expectation, I try to figure things out my own way. I don’t wait in expectation to see what God will do, I don’t even give Him the chance. I believe that is what He wanted me to see this morning. I marvel at the faith of David, a man after God’s own heart. He knew how to wait the right way. 
I love how David poured out his heart to the Lord. I can always find comfort in the Psalms because I know that I can find everything there that mirrors exactly what I am feeling at any given moment!
“I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief!” Mark 9:24
Jesus with children, Sedona Art Studio