Anxiety

Going Deep

Sometimes I wonder why I am content to wade………and I wonder how my life would look if I dared to go deep with God. I have gone deep before so I know how it feels. When things are good and I feel like I have things under control I tend to stay in the shallows. I read my Bible and pray, but just enough……
Then when I get desperate, I submerge myself in Scripture……..Prayer……..Calling out to God…..fasting.….And of course, He is there. He always answers. The truth hits home, for when are we ever not desperate in this life?
When do we not need Him? I wonder how my life would look if I truly lived by the Spirit’s leading. If I listened to that quiet voice when it beckoned more often. 
What is it that prevents me from walking that close, that intimate with my Heavenly Father?
I guess it really comes down to fear of where He might lead, what He might ask….So much so, that I forget all the blessing that He assures me would come with it.

Then I remember that was the first sin of Adam and Eve…….He answered, “I heard you in the garden, and I was afraid because I was naked; so I hid. 
His love for the children of His creation led His steps to the Garden,
To the Cross.
He even went so far as to fill us with His Spirit so that we may never be without Him.

Shouldn’t that be enough to convince me of His love? That where He leads I need never fear?
Yet sometimes I still fear. This life is full of it.
And still His Grace is with me, walking where I walk.
And someday, in that face to face place called Heaven we will walk again without fear in the Garden.
No separation, ever again.
The future is bright my friends.
You have made known to me the path of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence, with eternal pleasures at your right hand. Psalm 16:11

Holding onto the good

Joy and Peace in Believing by William Cowper
Sometimes a light surprises
The Christian while he sings;
It is the Lord who rises
With healing on His wings;
When comforts are declining,
He grants the soul again
A season of clear shining,
To cheer it after rain.
In holy contemplation
We sweetly then pursue
The theme of God’s salvation,
And find it ever new;
Set free from present sorrow,
We cheerfully can say,
E’en let the unknown to-morrow
Bring with it what it may!

It can bring with it nothing,
But He will bear us through;
Who gives the lilies clothing,
Will clothe His people too;Beneath the spreading heavens
No creature but is fed;
And He who feeds the ravens
Will give His children bread.

Though vine nor fig tree neither
Their wonted fruit shall bear,
Though all the field should wither,
Nor flocks nor herds be there:Yet God the same abiding,His praise shall tune my voice;
For, while in Him confiding,
I cannot but rejoice.

I was looking for a poem about peace…….you see, today we are packing up and driving 12 hours to see family in California. Home…….

We have no idea how it will go. Elaine desperately needs a break from her Mom but that was not possible so she is going with us.

We are going in the Motor home and she has a tendency to get carsick.

She refused to go the other day and then decided she would.

Packed and unpacked 5 times.

We have Dramamine and patches. There are no illusions here. It will not be a true vacation, but sometimes you have to “get outta dodge” anyway.

I am praying for peace for all involved, and for a caretaker who is dangerously close to being at her limit. Actually I think she passed that by awhile back.

I will be in touch. Have laptop and camera, will travel.

We continue with Paul admonition to “cling to what is good.”

Snippets of life

“you can kiss your family and friends good-bye and put miles between you, but at the same time you carry them with you in your heart, your mind, your stomach, because you do not just live in a world but a world lives in you.” — Frederick Buechner

This world is made up of little snippets of life….the life we live every day, made up of moment upon moment, memory upon memory. I look back at 20 years aghast, because I really don’t know where it has gone. Time is passing by…….sometimes so fast it makes my head spin.
 
Writers and photographers feel a need, sometimes an urgent need to capture these moments of life, all the joy and beauty and pain, lest they be lost forever. Others live them as deeply as they can, so that the memory and the goodness can be taught and lived and passed on to others, like living beacons of wisdom, they catch life like a spark catches a dry timber. Others seem to glide by life and never notice anything….they remain untouched by it all.
 
Sometimes we think we see a glimpse of the future and we don’t much like it, so we hastily immerse ourselves in the past or get real busy in the here and now. I got a little taste of this the other day at Border’s standing in line along with all the other book lovers to cash in on their misfortune. I looked around and suddenly I thought of a world with no bookstores and I shuddered. Is this our future? Is Barnes and Noble next? A tremor went down my spine.
 
What kind of a world would it be? No public place to go to sip our coffee, cozy up by the window with a stack of books, sharing our treasures with friends. If that were gone, a very important part of our community would be lost. But then, a flicker of hope. Maybe this will be good for the little used bookstore on the corner.
 
Maybe this will bring the independent bookstores of my youth back. Well, I can dream can’t I?
 
I don’t think this would have impacted me like it did, except that I just finished a book called The Last Christian. The year is 2088 and everyone lives immersed in virtual reality, hooked up to what they call “The Grid.” People don’t travel much, they all schedule meetings in VR anywhere they choose. They don’t read real books, the access them on the Grid.

They think this life is great, but they are all empty, joyless, for they have also eliminated God in this world they have created. They are much too advanced for God, you see.
 
Well happily, I can say that we are not there yet. Most of us are still immersed in the real world in all its glorious and living color. And God is still very much alive to many Americans, thankfully.
 
Yesterday was a strange day. I felt like I was walking around under a lid of oppression. I felt exhausted and mentally drained….worn out. I am worried about my Mom, who had another possibly cancerous growth removed from her leg. I automatically think the worst, knowing her brother died of melanoma. It makes me think of all the years I have been away from her and I wonder how much time we have left.
 
Yet I rejoice in what I know to be true, He has plans for us……and they are all good. “For I know the plans I have for you,” says the LORD. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.” Jeremiah 29:11

and not only that……….For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind. 2 Timothy 1:7

I love that, only the King James uses the phrase “sound mind.”
Hope is alive in me because God’s promise gives me a whole future of sound minded days……starting today.

Sleepless in Arizona

“Behold, He who keeps Israel Will neither slumber nor sleep.” Psalm 121

I was pondering this fact early this morning when I awoke at 12:30 AM. If God does not sleep, I thought, then what does He do? He certainly doesn’t need to keep the universe going. That was all set up long ago and He has no problem keeping it all running. That leaves one thing……He is watching over me as He watches over Israel. I can never catch Him by surprise. I never catch Him dozing off……Even as I toss and turn at 12:30 in the morning.

I heard the outdoor flag flapping in the wind, which had picked up. I heard my little outdoor decoration sliding back and forth on the wall. I got up and took them both down…..there was dust in the air. I came in and laid back down…….All was quiet except the cat snoring, fast asleep in his place on the bed.

After I determined that sleep wasn’t soon to come, I burrowed through my pile of books by the bed until I found “Big Red.” It is the Bible I always turn to when I need a special comfort. It has years in it. It holds them all lovingly in its pages. I turned to my notes in the back……notes from sermons, studies, things I have thought and read. My eyes fell on this printed in red:

Know how to meditate on the Lord. What do I do when I can’t sleep? Do I quiet my soul and spirit with meditation on God or do I run for a sleeping pill? What am I to meditate on?

God’s word……..God’s promises……..the person of God

I continued thumbing through and thought about the years held there in those pages. It’s about 34 years old now. I listened to the rustle of the pages and something about it quieted my spirit. I noted the changes in my printing style over the years, sometimes slanting left, sometimes right. Some of the notes are faded with time.

Most important are the words it holds. God’s words to me, to all of us.

I turned out the light and rested my old friend on my chest and felt its weight and it felt good. I thought of all that precious book and God have brought me through. Saved my life more than a few times. Maybe more times than I know. I couldn’t help it, a few tears of gratitude slid down, and I thanked Him. My heart slowed its beating…….my spirit calmed. Outside, the wind may have been blowing, but I no longer heard it.
I drifted into a peaceful slumber at 2:00 AM.

At times like that I think that maybe God just missed me and wanted my undivided attention.

Because God is Real

photo of clouds behind my house

People may ask, what does it matter what you do? What you watch? What you listen to? Does anyone really care? In this age of anything goes, does it matter anymore? It matters greatly because we greatly matter to God! It matters more than ever.

Not only is God alive to us, He wants to be involved in everything we do. He has a personal investment in us! It is the difference between feeling like a latchkey kid, always having to let yourself in the door at night, and being a kid whose parents want to know where you are and who you are hanging with. Not because they are busybodies, or nosy, or want to rule your life….but because they care and want the best for you.

Not only that, but He comes alongside and helps me back up when I fail miserably. He understands that I will, but because He looks on my heart, He knows my motive. He can see if love is what drives me or something else.

This morning I was tossing and turning……It was three o’ clock and I had to get up at four. I rolled over after looking at the clock, and was glad I had another hour. But I couldn’t go back to sleep. I tried the 23rd Psalm, that usually works to lull me back to slumber. But this morning I got stuck on lines. The first one actually…..

“The Lord is my Shepherd……the Lord is my Shepherd…….the Lord is my Shepherd”…..Thoughts crash in like ocean waves……I wonder how much time I left with my parents, Dad is turning 83 this week…..what will I do if I get a phone call saying they are gone and I didn’t get to say goodbye…..What is our President doing with our money? Will we have anything left to call our own after he gets done playing monopoly with it? Maybe I should sell everything and move into the RV and put my money in a coffee can.

I shall not want, I shall not want, I shall not want…….He maketh me to lie down in green pastures.

He leadeth me beside still waters…..

In Him, I have everything I need, and yet I toss and turn some more. I never go back to sleep. 3:10…..3:20…..3:50……

This morning, my first cup of coffee having cleared my head, I was thinking about Psalm 23 again. This image stayed with me. I pictured My Shepherd, His body laying down across the sheep gate in the night, the sheep gate of my life, my heart…… protecting the sheep (me) from preditors in the night…..

thoughts that go astray…….worries that won’t sleep.

He says: “Don’t worry, I got you covered.”

Picture credit of sheep: Google images

Finding God from where we are

“Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom.” 2 Corinthians 3:17
My friend, who has become the caretaker of her parents in recent months, told me of a nightmare she had the other night. She said, “It was so terrible I didn’t want to tell anyone about it.” She was trapped in a pipe and she couldn’t get out. She couldn’t turn in any direction and couldn’t go back or forward. She says, “The worst part? Everyone knew I was in there but nobody came to get me out.” She looked at me and said, “That is exactly how I feel right now.”
I know how she feels. Sometimes we are so trapped in our circumstances that we lose hope. People tell you to look at the picture, but the “big picture” has become blurry and out of focus. It no longer means anything. All you can do is think of where you are right now, and you don’t see an end to it. That fact makes it hard to put one foot in front of the other.
You wake, still exhaused from the day before. Leftover stress. You wonder how to feel that freedom that you know is rightfully yours in Christ, because all you feel now is imprisoned in a cell without hope of parole.
There are few things I know for sure. One of them is, Jesus came so that we wouldn’t have to feel that way ever again. Therefore if the Son makes you free, you shall be free indeed. John 8:36
After all…….we have the very same Holy Spirit that allowed Paul to sing hymns of praise while locked in prison. And it is that Spirit that gives us the freedom to have hope even in the midst of our circumstances, whatever they may be, however they try to enslave us.
As in this picture above, we see life and beauty on the other side, but we just  don’t know how to get there. We feel that vision is for someone else, not us. Not right now anyway.
It is in that very moment God is asking us to seek Him. “But if from there you seek the LORD your God, you will find him if you look for him with all your heart and with all your soul.” Deuteronomy 4:29
I like how that verse is worded. God is saying that we need to seek Him in that very instance where we feel that hope is lost. That very moment when we are most overwhelmed and discouraged. Hope is lost when we begin to feel like we will end, before our present circumstance does.
Our old enemy wants us to think this way. His goal hasn’t changed since the very beginning, to kill, steal and destroy. He knows he can’t have our soul, so he does everything else he possibly can to steal everything else from us, including our hope and joy. That is exactly what happens when we look too far into the future. We read things into it…… think that things will always be the way they are now. Jesus knew how we are, that is why He had some very good advice.
“Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.” Jesus.

There is a way out…….Ask God to be with you in that moment and He will. He has promised it, and God can’t ever go back on His word. He may not remove the circumstance, but He will provide you with peace in it, and give you more than enough strength to deal with it.

In order to counteract those other voices, we need to fill our thoughts with God’s promises found in His word.

Get alone with God. Find some time for yourself. Even Jesus had to go off alone, many times.

Start the day determined to ask for strength for that day and that day alone.

Draw comfort from the fact that others are praying for you.

And last but not least, continue to tell God the things you are thankful for. Satan hates that most of all.

holy experience

One step at a time…..

My days off have become a bit different. They used to be somewhat free-form and abstract, now they are more task oriented. I had tasks before, but now they are oriented around someone else, not me. When you take on the role of caretaker that’s what happens. At some point in life we all find ourselves in that role. I think there should be a Caregiver’s Anonymous Club. Alzheimer’s and Dementia needs a special group all its own.

Yesterday I was exhausted by noon, and all of it was mental. I lay down and slept blissfully for about 30 minutes in the middle of the day……It was wonderful.

If someone had seen the flowing dialogue in my mind as I went through the day they would have thought, “Surely, this is no Christian.” I drove 60 MPH in a 45 MPH zone because I was so anxious to be home. I said swear words in my head at other drivers. I found myself tempted to lie about what day it was because I knew she wouldn’t know the difference in order to get out of Bingo. Don’t worry, I didn’t. The truth of the matter is that some people expect you to act like Joel Osteen all the time if you are a Christian. Truth be told, I bet he has his moments too.

The difference is, we have the Holy Spirit to help us in those times where we feel out of control. Someone to help us in our weakness. So we pray, we take some deep breaths, we confess our sinful thoughts, and we go on. Step by step, task by task. My Mom once confessed to a friend that she loved Vodka Martinis…..She gasped and said, “But you’re a Christian!” To which my Mom said, “Yes, but that has nothing to do with my taste buds!” Precisely why she has never kept it in the house. She has been a caregiver all her life, and I am sure there are times when she would have liked to pour a stiff drink in the middle of the day. That’s reality. God understands that, and that is why He knew we would need the help of the Holy Spirit, and each other.

Because sometimes life just gets a bit overwhelming.

That’s why I sent out the prayer SOS yesterday morning. Thank you to the absolutely wonderful responses I got, (you know who you are). One of the best things about being in the family of believers is the wonderful prayer support. The day ended up much better than it started…..So, thank you.

“We always thank God for all of you and continually mention you in our prayers. We remember before our God and Father your work produced by faith, your labor prompted by love, and your endurance inspired by hope in our Lord Jesus Christ.” 1 Thessalonians 1:2,3

Clay jar or crystal pitcher?

“Give your entire attention to what is doing right now, and don’t get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow. God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes.” Matthew 6:34 The Message
I lost a day to worry. That opened the door to depression. Thinking about events on “the road ahead.” I was bogged down and I couldn’t see things clearly. I have touched on the fact that I am a worrier before. But Jesus commands us not to worry. This is a problem if I want to live for Him! I hate to think of the many moments and days I have wasted on events that may or may not happen. It all comes down to one thing…..When I worry I am living for myself and not for God. When I worry I am taking Him off the throne of my heart and life!  
Paul was having some discouraging moments dealing with the Corinthian church. He was right in the thick of things, not like me, worrying about things that haven’t happened yet, he was fighting a real battle. I can imagine that he was in prayer, and God spoke to him about the clay jars lining the walls. I can imagine him feeling as humble and lowly as one of those jars. But God showed him how valuable he was and he spoke these very wise words……
“But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body.” 2 Corinthians 4:7-10

Paul knew where his strength was, I forgot for awhile. A few weeks ago out of the blue I thought of a song that I sang years ago. I had totally forgotten about it, but as I remembered it tears sprang to my eyes. That particular time, life was simpler (or maybe it just seemed so)……I was young and life was not so complicated. I had yielded myself to God and I saw His power work through me in a way that I never forgot.While I was thinking of that song a beautiful image came to my mind, an image of a crystal pitcher with clear water being poured into it. I have wondered about it ever since. Then this morning I read this:

“Then the angel showed me the river of the water of life, as clear as crystal, flowing from the throne of God and of the Lamb.” Revelation 22:1 

I think He was trying to tell me that He sees me as that crystal pitcher filling with the water of life……His life. Most days I feel just like that little clay jar, humble, weak and scarred; yet He has poured His pure Spirit inside of me and even now is turning me into that Waterford crystal vase, sparkling with His life, reflecting His light for all to see. He sees me as the finished product already and wants me to see myself that way too!

This is the comfort I bring today…….”For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.” 1 Corinthians 13:12

If Paul can carry on right in the thick of the battle, I can surely carry on when the things I am worried about haven’t even happened yet!

Faith takes over…….

Sometimes the words aren’t there, but the gratefulness still is.
Sometimes faith has to take over when you have momentarily misplaced hope.
Sometimes you have to be reminded that God is still God, and that
everything is going to be okay.

And things are still very good indeed, it is your mind that is
temporarily looking at things askew. Temporarily is the key.
Because things always turn around, I know that for a fact.

I am so thankful for those in my life that have surrounded me over the years,
when I have felt like this, come alongside and believed with me…..

Yes, it will be okay.

There are many more reasons for praise than for despair.
You start counting, and before you know it,
you are restored, I am restored.

Thank you to all of you……….you know who you are.
This post is dedicated to you today.

sun through clouds, voices of hope, hands grabbing mine, prayers sent with my name on them, smiling eyes over lunch, beautiful songs that leave you breathless, God in the silence listening always, listening, dawn breaking inside and knowing where it is coming from, blogger friends, friends old and new, memories that bring smiles, laughter in the midst of tears…….#609-621

The LORD is gracious and righteous;
our God is full of compassion.
The LORD protects the unwary;
when I was brought low, he saved me. Psalm 116:4,5

holy experience

photos: google images

The Path to Freedom

You have made known to me the paths of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence. Acts 2:28

I have recently started to hit the trail a bit again, since the weather is so spectacular now here in Arizona. I grew up hiking, so it is something familiar to me. I greet the trail like an old friend. Hiking is a bit like life. I have been on some hikes that I absolutely thought I could go no further. The trail became the enemy and I hated every step I took, I cursed every bend and corner. The end result was the only thing that kept me going. That, and the fact that I had encouragers along the way. The funny thing was though, once I got to the top I tended to forget how hard it was. With distance, the pain faded a bit. Its easy to laugh about knees shaking like jackhammers after you’re off the trail.

In life and hiking there are times when you reach a point where you simply don’t have it in you to keep going.

In one of Martin Luther Kings recorded sermons he tells about such a time. He had just gotten another phone call, a death threat, threatening he and his whole family. Not long before he had been arrested and thrown in jail for driving 30 mph in a 25 mph zone. He was sitting at his kitchen table, a cold cup of coffee before him. He was trying to figure a way out. How he could turn it all over to someone else and go back to the quiet life of a scholar like he had planned. Here is how he describes that moment:

“I discovered then that religion had to become real to me, and I had to know God for myself. And I bowed down over that cup of coffee. I will never forget it……I prayed a prayer, and I prayed out loud that night. I said, “Lord, I am down here trying to do what’s right. I think I’m right. I think the cause that we represent is right. But Lord, I must confess that I’m weak now. I’m faltering. I’m losing my courage.”

It was then that he heard an inner voice…….”Martin Luther, stand up for righteousness. Stand up for justice. Stand up for truth. And lo I will be with you, even until the end of the world.”  Three nights later a bomb exploded on the front porch of King’s home, filling the house with smoke and broken glass but injuring no one. He took it calmly: “My religious experience a few nights before had given me the strength to face it.”

We have all reached that crossroads…….we ask the question: “How can I get out of this?” We can’t take another step. We want escape. But it is at that point where the Holy Spirit comes in and does what we can’t do. He takes over…….Peter was at that point after he denied Jesus, but what happened just a few days after that? The day of Pentecost! After Peter was done preaching those who accepted his message were baptized, and about three thousand were added to their number that day. Acts 2:41

Lord, I am thankful for all those who didn’t give up in the fight for freedom. The ones still fighting today. I thank you for Your Precious Holy Spirit because now you are not only walking beside us, but are actually within us! Thank you for all those times when You picked me up when I thought I couldn’t go on. I continue numbering my gifts today, though I know I can never put a number on what you have done, it is infinite……the numbers teach me much about You……sleeping in peace without angry steps at the door…..getting to enjoy the view after the climb…..the prayers of encouragers along the way……freedom to learn……to go to school without fear….to worship without fear….open windows without bars……weakness that causes me to lean on You…..laughter to lighten the way……little streams that sing songs of hope….yes you can! #598-608

holy experience