Author: lorisprayercloset

Hope with a big “H”

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We sat there, all of us potential jurors. There were about 100 of us who drew the short straws, whose group was not ticked off the list. I sat with my Kleenex and stuffy nose and heard others hack and cough. There was one loud talker, as it seems there always is. He sat in the front row and we heard his whole life story told to the hapless man next to him. Maybe it started with a comment, and that was all it took to throw open the gateway of conversation, albeit one-sided. But that was okay, he gave us all something to listen to as the minutes ticked by.

The clerk came in and we all watched a video about what an honor it is to serve on a jury. And really, it is. And yes, I do take it for granted. We all do. I complained about going, I got up early on my day off. I put makeup on, selected a nice outfit and drove the 30 minutes to a small town east of me. A depressing town, really. The main source of work are the several prisons there. Yet on the perimeter of my heart the question taunted me, haunted me really. What if it was someone I loved on trail? What if it was me? What if there were no one to stand for you? What if you were innocent? What if you weren’t?

When we finally got up to the courtroom they began the selection process. One by one names were called. Down to the last 26. I wasn’t among them. The rest of us sighed almost collectively when the last name was called. Now began the questions. We weren’t off the hook yet. We all sat through several rounds of questions given to the 26 selected. A few were eliminated, so three more names were called from our group to replace them. Still wasn’t me.

Then came questions from prosecution……then defense.

We heard stories, lots of them from the prospective jurors. Things came out. One woman found it hard to talk when she was asked if she had ever known anyone personally who had been arrested. She had to put a restraining order out on her abusive husband. And he came for her and held her at gunpoint. The SWAT team had to be called. I could tell it all came back to her…….all that heartache.

What I came away with was this:

All this procedure for a theft. And yes, it is right. It is just. It is how we do things in our country. It’s how we do justice.

But for many in other countries, and this one too, there is no justice at all. I am thinking about the African Bloggers today. I am thinking of the things they have seen over there. The people they have met. Where is the justice for all those children who have no parents. Who stood for them when their parents were mercilessly killed? Who stands for them now? Where is the justice for the 1,000,000 who were murdered? Who will stand up for them? Well, I can tell you there are people who stand for them now, who want to make a difference, who are making a difference. Read about one such group right here. Read all their updates, I know you will be moved.

Someone has given these precious children in Africa Hope. Hope with a big “H.” For the first time in their lives, they have a heritage. They have a family.They know that someone cares very much what happened to their parents, for He was watching, and He will never forget. And when He hands out justice, it will be swift. It will be right. It will be final.

Someone is also giving them Hope so they in turn can give that Hope to others. Now they know they have a Dad who is so big that He can swallow up all the sorrow they ever held. For good.

There are all kinds of unfair things that happen everyday. Maybe you are one to whom life has been very unfair. I can tell you one thing that will make a big difference if you accept it. There was one very unfair thing that happened around 2000 years ago. The King of Kings willingly died a criminal death. He was put on a trial that wasn’t even a real trial. There was no jury selection of His peers. You would have had to call down Angels for that. Yes, God Himself was there, and the Holy Spirit was uttering the few Words He would say then. But no words could have ever saved Him.

He died so that we might have the justice that we don’t deserve. He died and rose again so that we might receive new life and a new heritage. And life with Him forever for in a perfect world, a world very unlike this one. Read Romans 5:6-10

Amidst the turbulence and heartache everywhere, there is One who embodies Hope. That’s our story, that’s our message. Blogging and writing is our way of holding up the light of Jesus to a weary world who needs Him more than ever.

Bring Him into your daily mess. Nothing scares Him.

Photo source: http://worldhelp.net/missionaries-build-cathedrals-not-strip-malls/

Thoughts from the Sidelines

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The walls close in and all I can hear is my own breathing in and out. There are faint sounds in the backdrop, life goes on. Snatches of words from the television, the three Canadian geese who make an appearance with their cries above almost every afternoon. The hiss of the tea kettle as it simmers down. Sometimes it’s not so bad to be sick, that is, when you know the outcome…….when you know what you have is normal, when you know you will get better. But even sick, the world waits outside and I feel the weight of it through the window. That doesn’t change even when flu renders you inactive. I get a fleeting thought, I wonder how it would feel to just stay here? Sit it all out. It does get tiring, this life. I keep my phone handy. I read the prayer requests between dozing off. They come zinging in through instant messages and one-liners on the Facebook news feed. And I can feel the need behind them. And in some cases the desperation behind them. I will pray. I can do that between breaths, between coughs, between naps. Sometimes, being sick is okay because it reminds us of all that we do have.

You tend to be more aware of everything when you’re rendered…..sequestered…..silent. On the sidelines.

I think of those alone and sick with nobody to help them. I see the commercials, of Orphans and Old Jewish people without heat. My Mom sends them money. I’m blessed. I have a special someone who brings cough drops, medicine, company, laughs and chicken soup. I reach further back and my gratitude slams against the memory. It’s my Mom’s hands I feel now lifting my head, fluffing my pillow, taking away the trashcan by the bed, bringing a cool cloth. Yes, being sick reminds us of what we do have. I turn and feel the cool softness of sheets and I sink down. Exhausted. So glad I can stay here and no one pounds on the door, I can just rest and get better. In a clean peaceful place. Yes, this is luxury many don’t have. And tomorrow, once again, I will enter the land of the living. I will enter back into the fray, this world that is part graveyard, part paradise. And I will make the choice for life because I can. And I will remember the ones who can’t. Those waiting on the sidelines.

One of the best decisions I made so far this year…..(I think)

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I’ve been involved in fitness one way or another for about 30 years now but I’ve never joined a gym. I’ve done Jazzercise, I’ve run, I’ve walked, I’ve hiked, I’ve cycled some. But I’ve never signed on that dotted line of commitment. Until this year. I had been dragging myself to the treadmill, “dreadmill” as I dubbed it at our clubhouse, but I had been doing it less and less. I hike, which is something I really love to do, but it’s not always convenient to drive to the trail.

We’ve all heard the clichés:

Gyms are meatmarkets.

Why should I pay for what I can do at home?

And what if I get suckered into a membership and I never use it?

Not to mention all those machines, just looking at them is intimidating.

E and I went to check out, Planet Fitness and right away, I got a good positive vibe there. The music was playing, they had flat screens lining the walls right above the treadmills and ellipticals with places for headphone jacks. And I loved the philosophy of the place. They are big on promoting a friendly, “Judgement-free zone” where regular people can come and work out at their own level and enjoy themselves.  So far everyone has been very friendly and helpful and it’s a relaxing, welcoming atmosphere which I really appreciate.

Of course, no gym is perfect because it’s made up of people. But so far I have to say I have been very happy with it. Being on the treadmill there is so much different because there are people to watch, music playing, and sights and sounds you don’t have in a closed room. I need that stimulation. And no one pushes you at any piece of equipment because there are plenty to go around. You can take your time and go slowly. No one is breathing down your neck.

The other day there was a lady right next to me who had to be 75. And I saw plenty of people between 30-50. And teens and twenties too.

So far, I can say I am very happy I joined. I did a one year membership because I know me, if I paid for something, I will use it. Added incentive.

The nice thing is, you can also join for just $10 a month, no commitment. The best thing is, I am looking forward to my workout time again, and I had missed that.

There has been much study done about the importance of the mind, body, spirit connection and the importance of all three working together. I really believe this is true. God made our bodies to move, to do physical work. If we don’t keep our bodies healthy we won’t be much good to those who are counting on us. Who love us and want us around for a long time. Another way I can honor God is by honoring the body He gave me.

In a way, taking care of the body He gave me is another way to worship and serve Him, not me.

Everything in moderation.

Once, I was a slave to my exercise routine. If I missed a session it was the end of the world, no more. I have found there is a beauty in balance. It’s okay to take time out for you. Sometimes, in fact, taking that time out for you is one of the best things you can do for the people you love!

If you have ever thought about joining a gym or hiring a personal trainer, I would encourage you to check it out.

If You Only Knew…….

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If you knew how I prayed for you each day as I drove into work……and each night as I closed my eyes to sleep.

How I selected your favorite coffee at work because it makes me think of you.

You would feel better, I know.

And you would worry less, too.

If you knew how I prayed again as I drove down the freeway and saw the kind of car you drive. How, when a breeze touched my shoulder or I felt the sun warm my back, how I wished you could feel it too?

You could do anything you set your mind to.

If you knew how I appreciate your talents and abilities and how often I pray that God will lay blessings across your path, and that you could know, really know how so many people are rooting for you?

Both those here on earth that love you, but some in Heaven too.

Your burdens would feel lighter. A smile would cross your face for no particular reason. And you would remember that Jesus is praying for you right his moment.

If you knew how much I value the person you are, the wonderfully unique creation, no one just like you in all the world, ever………..If you knew just how much I believed in you, and how it makes me ache inside because I wish I could make you believe in yourself that way.

Others can take you to the mountain for a while, but remember, only God can keep you there. Never let others determine your worth, let God do that.

He’s the only one equipped to do it right.

Tonight, right before you go to bed, look in the mirror and know that you are loved by Love himself.

He has your thoughts and hairs numbered.

Not even I can do that.

O Lord, you have examined my heart
and know everything about me.
You know when I sit down or stand up.
You know my thoughts even when I’m far away.
You see me when I travel
and when I rest at home.
You know everything I do.
You know what I am going to say
even before I say it, Lord.
You go before me and follow me.
You place your hand of blessing on my head.
Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
too great for me to understand!

Psalm 139:1-6

What’s the worst that could happen?

Multitude Mondays

“In trouble, deep trouble, I prayed to God.
He answered me.
From the belly of the grave I cried, ‘Help!’
You heard my cry.
You threw me into ocean’s depths,
into a watery grave,
With ocean waves, ocean breakers
crashing over me.
I said, ‘I’ve been thrown away,
thrown out, out of your sight.
I’ll never again lay eyes
on your Holy Temple.’
Ocean gripped me by the throat.
The ancient Abyss grabbed me and held tight.
My head was all tangled in seaweed
at the bottom of the sea where the mountains take root.
I was as far down as a body can go,
and the gates were slamming shut behind me forever—
Yet you pulled me up from that grave alive,
O God, my God!
When my life was slipping away,
I remembered God,
And my prayer got through to you,
made it all the way to your Holy Temple.
Those who worship hollow gods, god-frauds,
walk away from their only true love.
But I’m worshiping you, God,
calling out in thanksgiving!
And I’ll do what I promised I’d do!
Salvation belongs to God!”

Jonah 2

I found myself praying a similar prayer on the way home about a week ago. It was my first day back after Christmas. The night before I had tossed and turned with troubling dreams. I felt as I was standing of the rim of an immediate future that could change on a dime. Always, I feel as though I’m waiting for a shoe to drop. My parents are finally showing their age. And there is work…….the stress level lately has gone up exponentially. And that won’t change anytime soon.

I will face some hard sorrows in the next 10 years. My parents will die. Many of you have already lost yours. There has never been a time in my life when they weren’t there. I can’t imagine not being able to call, to hear their voices. And my cats are old, they too will die. And I am trying to do two more years at my company, but what then? I have been locked in this comfort zone so long it will be very hard to let it go, even as stressful as it is.

And there is another big thing which I won’t mention here but which is also a source of great anxiety. It will have to be dealt with unless the Lord intervenes miraculously.

That night, at that intersection, the cloak of despair closed around me. I was tossed into my own depths, and my prayer was somewhat similar to that of Jonah’s. Sometimes you have to be willing to look past the end of despair to realize that God waits there too. You have to be bold enough and desperate enough to ask a scary question. That night I answered it out loud in the form of a prayer. Sometimes you need to shout it down.

What’s the worse that could happen?

“I don’t know what my life will look like 10 or 20 years from now God, but I know one thing. I don’t have to worry about it, because You will still be there. You have promised to never leave me or forsake me, and that is one thing I can count on because you never break Your promises. Even if I lost everyone I care about at once, left totally alone, I would still have you, and you are all I need. Hard as it would be, I can imagine living without everyone I hold dear, because I know they would be safe with You. But I could never live without You. Thank you, God for loving me. For promising to never leave me, I love You God.”

I was wrapped in a cloak of despair and sadness that night, on the road home. And if that were the end of the story I wouldn’t bother to write about it. You all know what darkness feels like, I don’t have to elaborate, we’ve all felt the chill of its shadow passing over our lives.

But when you have God in your life, you have to know that beyond despair, hope waits in the wings.

Sometimes life feels like a battle you have to gird yourself for every day and it’s hard to remember it’s God’s fight. Not yours.

This morning I felt like my words had finally run dry. But then I opened Sarah Young’s wonderful “Jesus Calling” and I found just what I needed to hear today. For those of you familiar with it, go to today’s reading. For those unfamiliar with it, I heartily recommend you run out and buy it. Now.

She always ends with Scripture readings for the day. Once again, God’s word spoke life from Psalm 46. It’s what I leave you with today, friends. Just maybe, like me, you need to hear it too:

God is our refuge and strength, always ready to help in times of trouble.

So we will not fear when earthquakes come and the mountains crumble into the sea.

Let the oceans roar and foam. Let the mountains tremble as the waters surge!

A river brings joy to the city of our God, the sacred home of the Most High.

God dwells in that city; it cannot be destroyed. From the very break of day, God will protect it. s voice thunders, and the earth melts!

The Lord of Heaven’s Armies is here among us; the God of Israelis our fortress. Come, see the glorious works of the Lord:   

See how he brings destruction upon the world. He causes wars to end throughout the earth. 

He breaks the bow and snaps the spear; he burns the shields with fire. ”

The Lord of Heaven’s Armies is here among us; the God of Israel is our fortress.

 

 

Assurance about what we don’t (yet) see

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Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see. This is what the ancients were commended for. By faith we understand that the universe was formed at God’s command, so that what is seen was not made out of what was visible. Hebrews 11:1-3

 And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him. Hebrews 11:6

I can’t think of a better way to bring in the New Year than sitting on this shore watching the New Year roll in along with the tide, but since I can’t I thought I would post this pic and visualize myself there anyway. Yet, sitting here gazing at the lights on the tree that will soon be packed away, I am sipping coffee still snug in my big robe and I find that ain’t too shabby either. There is much to be thankful for.

As I drifted off to sleep last night, I can’t say that I felt all that hopeful about 2014. In the immediate, I will be going back to work on Thursday, and work right now is very stressful. I’d just as soon not go back. As I don’t have that luxury, I will continue to trust God to get me in the door each day. He’s never failed me yet.

It’s easy to get bogged down with unknowns, but thankfully, the knowns and what I know about God far outnumber the unknowns.

For that reason alone, this New Year rings with hope for me. I found myself surprised by joy this morning. I am rich with a heritage of belief in a God that holds me and all those I hold dear close.

God surprises me with His love again and again. No matter how many times I failed myself, others and Him last year, He reminded me this morning that His love for me has no end, it is infinite and unconditional and reaches past eternity.

On the edge of this world is another one shimmering in the light, where He is. That is where all our hope lies. That’s our future, and we carry it with us even now.

There is no room for fear in that kind of hope. It goes along with my new phrase for the year which is:

Faith over Fear.

As I prepare to enjoy this day, Lord. Thank you, thank you, thank you for being here with me, with us. I can’t imagine a better way to start the New Year.

As I sit here teary eyed watching the Rose Parade, I remember the year we got to go work on the floats with Home Depot. It was an unbelievable experience to see those huge floats up close. I will never forget it, and now each year I find myself crying when I watch, remembering how beautiful those floats, those flowers were.

As the Marine Marching Band plays, I cry again. I still love my country, despite all I am unhappy with in the current administration. Yes, I am bowled over with the beauty of the world. Amidst the backdrop of so much heartache and strife on the news, there is so much good.

Happy New Year world……Keep looking up, for our redemption draws nigh!

As for me, I am hoping for what I can’t yet fully see. God is working behind the scenes for our good, always. That’s always reason to hope.

Hot Chocolate and “Morrie”

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 But we have this treasure in earthen vessels, so that the surpassing greatness of the power will be of God and not from ourselves; we are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not despairing; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed; 2 Corinthians 4:7-9

I awoke early this morning, my usual time……3:00 AM. Lately, that’s my hour. Most of the time I can go back to sleep, many times I just pray until I can. There was no sound, I was once again settled back in my own bed after spending some much-needed time with my family. My mind felt like a clenched fist, tight and unyielding. Refusing to let go and release the thoughts that were zooming around, bouncing off the sides and back of my head resulting in a dull ache.

I breathed the first lines of the 23rd Psalm. Life really begins and ends with this one line:

The Lord is my Shepherd, I shall not want……..

A cup of hot chocolate sounded unbelievably good which surprised me. I am not a hot chocolate drinker, but I got up and made myself some. And it was just what I needed. I also opened “Tuesdays with Morrie,” which I had started before I left. It seems everyone in the world had read it except for me. It was the book that catapulted Mitch Albom to the top of the bestseller lists years ago and I heartily recommend it if you are one of the few like me who read all his other books except that one.

The chapter I read, Morrie was talking about family and what it means to have someone always watching out for you. He talked about people who stay, that family is not only about love, but about “letting others know there’s someone who is watching out for them.” Morrie knows the importance of this because he doesn’t have long to live. At the time of the interviews by his former student, Mitch Albom, he was dying of Lou Gehrig’s disease.

I was thinking about all this in light of my trip home.

How blessed we are if we have someone in our life who will not leave. Knowing for better or worse they have our back and our best interests at heart. To be willing to say even the hard words that need to be said. To be willing to be disliked, even, in the name of love. That’s what real love is. Speaking the truth in love even when it hurts you more to say it.

As we got in the car to leave for the airport yesterday, I gripped the hands of Mom and Dad to say a prayer and found that tears had taken all my words. The moments that twist you inside out are when your Mom says that she has loved you more in the last year than at any other time, and you didn’t even know that. Finally, I squeaked out….”Sometimes the best prayers are the ones without words.” We all nodded as we wiped tears.

And even though they want me more than anything to be there always, Dad says he’s glad that “I can go back to my life, away from this chaos.” He knows how I love order, structure. And he knows the value of having a good job. He respects me for that, even though it means I leave and can’t be there more to help.

Even though it’s their loss, they are happy for me.

It pierced my heart when he came out limping when I drove him to Flame Market on the corner to get gas. I thought, “Someone else should be doing this for him.” It’s hard when Superheroes show signs of mortality, when they can’t do the things they used to. When you know how hard it is but you know they are going to do it anyway.

As I laid the book down and drowsed off again, I prayed the same prayer I pray every New Year. That the Lord will hold them all in the Palm of His hand until I can go back again.

How blessed I am to come home to a freshly washed car and a clean house, the decorations just like they were when I left. It took my breath away all over again. It’s good to be there, but it’s good to be here.

Thank you Elaine for doing all you do.

Thank you God, for what you will do in the coming year. Every New Year holds promise because of You.

They met with Herod, they worshipped Jesus

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On coming to the house, they saw the child with his mother Mary, and they bowed down and worshiped him. Then they opened their treasures and presented him with gifts of gold, frankincense and myrrh. Matthew 2:11

The three wise men met with Herod, but they worshipped Jesus when they finally saw Him. You meet with dignitaries, you meet with the President, the Queen……your boss. You worship the Lord when you recognize Him for who He is. And when the wise men saw  Him they knew.

They knew what they saw was truth, was real…….was worthy of worship.

Jesus birth was heralded with signs in the Heavens, a choir of angels, and stunned Shepherds………and if you think that was spectacular, just wait until He comes back.

I realize the birth of Christ does not fall on December 25th, and I know that some of the things we do to celebrate His birth are mixed in with other things that may not have anything to do with Jesus.

But God has called it all good, and when we worship with right heart motive God smiles.

And I am not stopping with Christmas, I plan to continue all year long.

I used to be really let down when Christmas was over, but I have learned to enjoy the quiet time right after the rush is through. To sit down and reflect on everything that just happened and to prayerfully contemplate on whatever God has for me in the New Year.

So tonight, I plan to calm down a little and light up every string in the house and sit by the tree……maybe drive around and view some lights.

To savor every moment.

The Lord has come……let earth receive her King again and again.

images from: http://www.freebibleimages.org some rights reserved

Christmas adds burden, Christ relieves them

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It’s as I am taking her clothes out of the dryer that it hits me. How sad it still is.

It’s been a year since Elaine‘s Mom went into Assisted Living. She still comes to visit through her clothes which I lift out of the dryer one after another along with my thoughts. I see her name, Joyce, printed on the inside of the neckline. That’s what you do once you go there. Things sometimes get lost. Clothes get mixed up like the identities, the individuals that reside there.

Will there be a time when I have my name written on my clothes? That’s a tough question that I would rather not answer.

I hope Jesus comes first.

Her Granddaughter offered to decorate her room for Christmas and she said, “I don’t believe in Christmas.” The Granddaughter recoiled……both shocked and saddened. E. was not surprised. The question remains: When do you stop trying to bring color into someone’s world when gray is where they are most comfortable? Celebrations and decorations make her ill at ease, she asks things like, “Who put those there?”

But bringing color is what we try to do because we think it will help.

Yet sometimes the best kind of helping means we meet them in their world, where they live.

I have just been writing a memory for my Dad and it makes me feel like the keeper of the flame, because keeping those memories alive for another is to stand in a place of honor. The thought flows through my mind like a ghost……..how would it be to have your memory wiped clean? No memory of last year, or even 10 minutes before?

As I lift the clothes out, I remember how hard it was when she was here. So hard. And she is happier there. Her version of happy anyway. So E. continues to meet her in her world. She brings her Snickers because she likes those more than anything. She does what needs doing and she brings hope to the nurses and residents there.

You might think there is not much hope residing there, but hope sometimes comes when and where you least expect it. As E. stopped to talk to the lady who knits, she noticed lots of hats. The lady said, “I am knitting these for the kids…..the kids who have cancer. Is there any way you could see that they get there? To the sick children?”

E. said, her mind racing about when but knowing somehow she would find a way. “Yes, I will make sure they get there. And I will see if I can get a picture to bring back.”

Her face lit up. She is one who wants to bring color to others. Even though she can’t take them herself. Even there she carries hope.

Today, as I rush around and feel the stress of Christmas I remember that though Christmas and all that comes with the celebration of it might carry a weight, it’s only one I put on myself. For Christ never adds a burden, He only relieves it.

I suddenly remember why it is I am doing all this. I turn off the Christmas songs and turn up the praise songs. And I kneel on the dirty floor I still haven’t cleaned. And suddenly I am very happy I am making these cookies. I watch as they puff up in the oven. The stars, the angels, the bells, and the boot. I think of how Lauryn and I will decorate them when I see her. I smile.

I may or may not get to the floor. But somehow it no longer matters.