I had a dream…….

I landed here in this place through no fault of my own, but because my body no longer cooperates with what I want it to do. The only thing is, nobody has told me the rules. There are people who skim in and out briskly. They give me things but they are not my things.

It is morning now and I miss my coffee. My kitchen. I miss having the whole pot if I want it. I am given a plastic cup with coffee but it’s lukewarm. And weak. I have never drank lukewarm in my whole life, and I never drank it from a plastic cup. I can’t heat it so I leave it……but then I think maybe if I don’t drink it now I may not get it again. Grimacing, I drink it down.

I remember the days when I was mobile. I never thought about getting up and walking across the room, I just did it. I try not to be terrified. This feeling of helplessness is new and strange and I feel trapped. Things are in disarray here……plates left on tables, and no one asks me where I want to sit at breakfast they just push me to the table. What’s more, they don’t give us anything to drink with our food. It’s difficult to eat with nothing to wash it down. I ask them, and they bring it but by then my food is no longer hot. I look around and see if everyone looks as bewildered as I feel.

A dish of ice-cream at lunch sits melted. She is sitting too far from the table and she misses her mouth. He is fiddling with his napkin, tearing it into bits like shrapnel it falls to the floor.

Where am I? Where is the place I used to call home?

I miss my dog and cat. I can’t think where they are now, it hurts too much. Tears course down and I wish I had a Kleenex but I use my sleeve. How I would give anything to feel their soft fur under my hand, see the love and loyalty in their eyes. How they would comfort me here.

I told someone I needed to go to the bathroom but that was hours ago. I have been reduced to wearing those adult diapers. The ones I used to see on those awful commercials. I never thought I would have to wear these. They are soaked through. It’s been hours and still they don’t come.

I dread the time I will need a shower. That’s the worst. I try not to think about it much. In my room are things I know. They spark memories, good ones. I surround myself with those now. I say a prayer of thanks for those. They are like pearls on a string and my mind caresses each one. For many here memory draws no comfort. They only have today. In a way, I envy them.

I watch the staff and see their anguished faces. I don’t imagine they make very much money here. I wonder what they go home to. They sit in corners and huddle up in groups peering into their phones. And yet, I find compassion in some of those eyes. They don’t think they will ever have to be in a place like this. And yet in their eyes I see a helplessness also. We are not so different. When it’s all said and done, we are all doing the best we can.

Night is falling and I dream and it’s long ago and my Dad comes and I can walk again. We walk far, past the grounds, through big buildings and streets and I am free again. He is my rescuer again, just like when I was very small.

I awake and I forget where I am. There are shadows in the corners and unfamiliar sounds. Bumps in the night.

I turn over to find my Bible on the nightstand which comes from home and a warmth washes over me. My life lies between the pages and it rushes out to greet me when I open it. I am home. And in my mind flows free with the songs I learned in church so long ago. I am so thankful they have never left me.

I am not alone. My eyes fill with tears at the wealth of this knowledge and my being is flooded with that realization. Joy finds me.

I am not alone. The Holy Spirit whispers and I want to shout it out!

I marvel that it’s possible that I have something to give here. Something to teach them. Something that sorrow and years and weakness can never take away. Someone to introduce them to.

I breathe a prayer. “Make me your instrument, Lord. Even in this place.”

Soon I will be going Home.

A dream I had last night sparked this post, and when I read my Sarah Young devotional today, I was amazed. Here is part of that reading:

Some of the greatest works of my Kingdom have been done from sick beds and prison cells. Instead of resenting the limitations of a weakened body, search for My way in the midst of these very circumstances.

He will give us rest…..it’s a promise.

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Matthew 11:28

Yesterday, I found a little island of peace in the middle of the day. I should have been doing things, I had a list after all, and still had several things that hadn’t been checked off. I felt like I was spinning my wheels……

digging a rut in the mud and going nowhere. Sometimes you just have to grab a bit of rest where and when you can. I decided to join the cats, they have perfected the art of relaxation.

Sometimes the cares of the world just become overwhelming and they crowd out the rest, I remembered what Jesus said about the seed that fell among the weeds…..who and what is crowding out your rest today?

“The seed that fell among the thorns represents those who hear God’s word, but all too quickly the message is crowded out by the worries of this life and the lure of wealth, so no fruit is produced.”

I was forgetting where my seed was planted……I was forgetting the soul rest that Jesus promises for every day.

As I layed there, listening to the sound of two cats breathing heavily in their sleep, I wondered where my own sense of rest had flown to recently. I wanted it back.

It is a promise you know, that rest that Jesus gives…….but sometimes we strive so hard for it that we miss it. Until we remember that all we really have to do is trust Him.

And let go.

By letting go, we open our hands and our hearts to receive it.

Keep trusting my friends. This life is not easy, but it is worth it. The rest will come when you least expect it.

Sometimes it comes in the form of a friend who comes quietly alongside and offers to lift part of the burden. Just a little spark of kindness can put back what everyday stress can so easily take away.

Join me today in expecting that rest at unexpected moments

This morning I wanted nothing better than to climb back in bed…..the sky was dark and the temptation of extra sleep was overwhelming. But as I headed to work, I was given a little unexpected helping of peace when I looked up at the big yellow moon rising on the other side of the world along with the sound of Yo-Yo Ma’s Cello filling the car.

I know where it came from.

Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:7 NLT

A little bit Mary, a little bit Martha

But the Lord said to her, “My dear Martha, you are worried and upset over all these details! There is only one thing worth being concerned about. Mary has discovered it, and it will not be taken away from her.” Luke 10:41-42 NLT

I got caught in a “Martha” moment in the middle of prayer this morning. I started praying for my Mom, who has not been feeling well. From that, my mind spun ahead to her Birthday which is next month. I started out a lot like Mary, just sitting at Jesus feet enjoying His presence. Then before I even realized it my mind took off and spiraled into Martha territory. Here’s a bit of how my prayer went:

“Thank you Lord for this moment, these precious times with you. I lift up my Mom today in prayer and ask that you give her strength and healing……” (Mary)

I hope she is well enough for the party. I remember my Aunt Esther dying right after her 80th. I wonder how much longer I have with Mom……I don’t want to think about it. She is 84 after all……I wonder when I can get into the clubhouse to decorate? I wonder what I should put on the tables? I need to send invitations out soon…..Oh, I know just where I will get them. I need to get all the addresses…….what will people want to drink? What about food? Flowers? I hope we can go to church that morning because I hardly ever get to do that with them…..what road was it that I turned on last to get there? Maybe I could print up the story about the red shoes and work that into her party somehow…………(Martha)

Whoa, I just tired myself out. And where did Jesus go anyway?

Over and over again, God uses me to demonstrate that He indeed does have a sense of humor. Thankfully He also has a ready supply of forgiveness. Thank you, Lord…..and:

Forgive me, for my Martha heart. Help me always to choose you, the better part. Though there are times when we need to charge in and get things done, there are also times when it’s just as necessary to be still before you and just enjoy your Presence. And while I am scurrying around like Martha, checking things off my list, help me to have the peace of Mary in my heart. Amen.

While Martha and Mary had different personalities and ways of expressing their love, it’s clear that they both loved Jesus and He loved both of them.

Live in His love today!

When Faith Becomes Real

When life comes crashing down or you come crashing into it, you have to decide that ultimately, Christianity is much more than raising your hand in church “with every eye closed and every head bowed.” It’s much more than inviting Jesus to live in your heart, more than flannel board stories you learned in Sunday School.

Sometimes, the truth is: Jesus is not warm and fuzzy. He is gritty, hard and real, and so is the path He invites us to tread. When you have no strength left and the sun is blocked by a pile of problems that feel like they are stacked as tall as Everest, it is then that your faith becomes real.

Ultimately, you come to the realization that while you did say yes to Him at one point, long before that He made the first move at the dawn of creation when the Trinity formed a huddle and talked about the cross. We didn’t choose Him, He chose us when He decided to come and redeem us.“You didn’t choose me. I chose you. I appointed you to go and produce lasting fruit, so that the Father will give you whatever you ask for, using my name.” John 15:16

If you are like me, you spend lots of time life mulling that over. The rest of your life, really. And hopefully it’s when the light starts to dawn and your life begins to look different. You realize just a little bit of what it really cost Jesus. Just enough that it’s almost paralyzing.

You realize that how you treat people becomes how you treat Jesus and that’s really scary because you, like me, realize how far you still have to go. Sometimes, when I lay awake at night I think that maybe I don’t have what it takes to follow Him, to do whatever He asks.

I wonder why I get to lay in a warm bed when there are people shivering in the streets. The wondering makes me think how sad God must feel to see all the suffering He sees, while He waits to see which one of His kids will step up. I pray, “Bless those that go…..” while being thankful He’s not calling me, or is He?

Far too many times I belly up to the altar of comfort and security. I mix up my own custom batch of pre-packaged Christianity which doesn’t always line up with the Biblical version and hope it’s enough.

Thankfully, He is big enough to handle my cowardly times, which are many. Those times I keep silent when I should speak up. And He’s there for those two in the morning times when I can’t sleep and the cats know I’m restless so they gather close around me and purr. TImes like this morning when for the life of me, I couldn’t remember the next line of the 23rd Psalm, even though I know it by heart.

His love is big enough to handle a person like me who can have a mini crisis of faith at 2 in the morning and forget all about it the next day.

He gets me, because He made me. And nothing I do surprises Him. And He loves me anyway.

Today, I remembered this song we used to sing in church and it fit what I was struggling to put into words today. Maybe you identify with it too. Because it amazes me how His love is big enough to cover everything. Every little part of you and me.

His love is deep, His love is wide
And it covers us
His love is fierce, His love is strong
It’s furious
His love is sweet, His love is wild
And it’s waking hearts to life…….

“Furious” Jeremy Riddle

Do you have a Prayer request?

Imagine, if you will. Sitting quietly in this spot, perhaps in that patch of sunlight.

Now breathe out…….and relax. Let the cares of the world drop off for just this moment.

What would you say if you bowed your head?

What peace would you wish for?

What is stirring in your mind……

Your heart…..

The depths of your soul.

Maybe it’s something you’ve never told anyone else.

Tell God……even though He already knows what it is.

Tell God….even if you are not sure God is.

Or if He even exists.

Trust me, He does.

And He wants to hear everything that’s on your heart.

He will never force His way in.

And He will never beat down the door of your heart,

But He will knock softly and relentlessly……

with love.

Do you have a prayer request today? Please feel free to leave it in the comments. I will put you on my list. I know you are there. I see the messages saying that you just started following my blog. It always makes me happy, knowing you are there. Maybe you have been here awhile now. I just want you to know I appreciate you.

Each and every one of you.

If you don’t want to leave the actual request in the comments. Leave your email in the comments and I will drop you a line.

We all need prayer.

In Him, we live and move and have our being………Lori

Living out our faith in a not so friendly atmosphere

Therefore I urge you, brethren, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies a living and holy sacrifice, acceptable to God, which is your spiritual service of worship. Romans 12:1

What does that mean exactly? As I read through Romans 12 this morning, I thought about a conversation that took place at work yesterday. I was on the next station over and I heard the conversation start up. A woman who just joined our team was talking about “that singer who left the Grammies.” My ears perked up. Oh no, here we go, I thought. I kept listening as she went on and on about how ridiculous she was, she, meaning Natalie Grant. “After all,” she said, “what did she expect from the Grammy’s, she should have just stayed away.”

Apparently she felt that despite being up for several Grammy’s herself, she should have sat it out, knowing what would take place there. The problem with that is, apparently only a few people knew what would take place during the show. As I understand it, the mass wedding, which included several gay couples was kept a secret from everyone until a few days before the event. The participants and the producer knew about it, and participants had to sign a contract of secrecy that they wouldn’t let the media in on what would take place.

And then there was the whole Katy Perry performance, riddled with Satanic overtones, which added to the bizarre evening.

I kept listening from where I sat, breathing a silent prayer of thanks. Had I been sitting at my regular station I would have been smack dab in the middle, geographically anyway, of the conversation. I probably wouldn’t have been able to keep silent.

She was increasingly aggravated and incensed: “Who does she think she is, anyway, does she think she is better than everyone else?” My trainee was sitting where I usually sit and he was graciously trying to side-step the whole matter. Her trainer was on the next station over and got into the conversation by voicing his support of singer Natalie Grant’s right to get up and leave the performance. I was glad he did that, but it was pretty apparent he was a lone voice, although in the end, my trainee supported her right to leave too, but only after someone else had jumped in and come to her defense.

As I sat reading Romans 12 this morning, I reflected on just what it means to be a living sacrifice in today’s culture. In Paul’s day, under Nero’s rule, Christians were being dragged away tortured and killed for their faith. Paul would be one of those. Thankfully, it hasn’t got to that point in our culture…….yet. But things will get worse before they get better and that shouldn’t surprise anyone who has studied the Bible for any length of time.

None of us has been persecuted, just misunderstood.

And we will continue to be misunderstood, increasingly. In the end, what our faith has to come down to, what it has to look like is love. Our love for God and love for others has to rule our hearts. My co-worker never got angry but he did get his point across. It’s hard for people to argue against love, but then again, Jesus loved and it got Him killed.

I am going to pray for love to rule in my heart as I also pray for wisdom to know when to speak up and when to remain silent. I hope I will have the courage to live out my faith in such a way that it will come out humble and yet strong in the face of opposition, because it is humbling.

I think of what those in Paul’s day did in the face of opposition. They submitted to the authorities and got themselves killed. They loved people to death, their own deaths. They died with love in their hearts and words of peace on their lips.

And so, dear brothers and sisters, I plead with you to give your bodies to God because of all he has done for you. Let them be a living and holy sacrifice—the kind he will find acceptable. This is truly the way to worship him.Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect.

Because of the privilege and authorityGod has given me, I give each of you this warning: Don’t think you are better than you really are. Be honest in your evaluation of yourselves, measuring yourselves by the faith God has given us.Just as our bodies have many parts and each part has a special function, so it is with Christ’s body. We are many parts of one body, and we all belong to each other. Romans 12:1-5

Be Blessed

Lori's Prayer Closet

This is a repost from 2009 that is true just as much today as when I first posted it! Be Blessed friends!

“Bell Tower, Mount of Olives”
1-2 When Jesus saw his ministry drawing huge crowds, he climbed a hillside. Those who were apprenticed to him, the committed, climbed with him. Arriving at a quiet place, he sat down and taught his climbing companions. This is what he said:

3″You’re blessed when you’re at the end of your rope. With less of you there is more of God and his rule.

4″You’re blessed when you feel you’ve lost what is most dear to you. Only then can you be embraced by the One most dear to you.

5″You’re blessed when you’re content with just who you are—no more, no less. That’s the moment you find yourselves proud owners of everything that can’t be bought.

6″You’re blessed when…

View original post 265 more words

Why I Believe

I guess because I’m lazy. You see, when I look at light like this, I am absolutely certain it has a source other than the setting sun. For me, it takes more faith not to believe……..I like to think that nature is God’s looking-glass, others gaze at a sunset, I see His canvas.

And who can fail to see a reflection of Heaven in a newborn’s eyes?

I can explain God in a thousand different ways and yet, even this beauty is but a dim reflection. I guess the best way to explain God is in the unexplainable mysteries we still haven’t figured out. Tell me if you know who holds up the moon? The earth in place? Who could see this moon and not utter a prayer?

How can I count the ways He speaks? He speaks in the quiet of a church pew, at Holy light filtering through the windows on a Christmas Eve. On a snow filled forest when it’s hushed and the silence is filled with His presence. He speaks in the hope of a loved one’s smile on before death, because they know they are standing on the threshold of Heaven and there is nothing to fear. I have seen it.

And once, He even spoke to me through a painting. When I stood stock-still and speechless before El Greco’s painting “The Tears of St. Peter” and tears sprang from my own eyes because suddenly I understood how it was to see how Holiness could spring from a canvas.

He speaks in the poetry of the way a coyote springs as he walks. And in Chopin’s Concerto number 2 right as the sun comes though the clouds.

And when I open His book I see how it lives and works in the lives of people like you and me. Here, and now.

One thing that puzzles me is how someone who normally doesn’t give God a thought can blame Him for the worst of humanity’s ills. I guess they forget that He gave us clear directions on how to treat one another. We own that. Not Him.

I am thankful because it’s something I don’t struggle with, belief that He is. Though many do.

My prayer today and for all time is to be a conduit of His grace here in my own quiet way. To point the way of Hope, and that this is not all there is. May you be touched by His light today.

The heavens proclaim the glory of God. The skies display his craftsmanship. Day after day they continue to speak; night after night they make him known. They speak without a sound or word; their voice is never heard.Yet their message has gone throughout the earth, and their words to all the world. God has made a home in the heavens for the sun. It bursts forth like a radiant bridegroom after his wedding. It rejoices like a great athlete eager to run the race.

The sun rises at one end of the heavens and follows its course to the other end. Nothing can hide from its heat. The instructions of the Lord are perfect, reviving the soul. The decrees of the Lord are trustworthy, making wise the simple. The commandments of the Lord are right, bringing joy to the heart. The commands of the Lord are clear, giving insight for living. Psalm 19:1-8

God wants you (and your baggage)

Some things come easily to me. It’s a gift, I know. I hear of people who struggle to believe that not only is there a God, a Supreme Being who created everything we see; but that He also wants to hear from us. We don’t serve a passive God. We serve one who wants to be involved in every aspect of our daily lives.

It wasn’t enough for Him to create everything and disengage. That’s not how He works.

What is hard for me to imagine is eternity. I always think someone will mess things up like what happened before with Adam and Eve in the garden. But the Bible says that we will live with Him forever, so I take Him at His word and I thank Him everyday for that future hope.

I pray for those who are struggling today to believe, and my belief humbles me because I know that it is truly a gift from God.

We are a flawed people loved by a perfect God. That is what I rejoice in today. My struggles come in the form of fear, worry and anxiety which the Bible says pretty much points to a lack of faith. The other day I awoke on a perfectly wonderfully free day off with my mind literally teeming with anxiety. I knew the cure so I headed out to pray.

I lit my lantern and with a dove softly cooing from a neighbor’s rooftop I gave myself a talking to. Then I talked to God.

Sometimes things like anxiety…..fear….worry, are choices, my friends. We have to choose who we will serve on any given day.

That day, I rejected my anxiety. Sometimes you have to do that. I had to ask myself who I believed. I had to put my faith into action by trusting the One who told me I didn’t have to worry. Each day is a choice whether to take God at His word or not.

My prayer went something like this:

I love you, Lord. I really love you. I am an extremely flawed individual, wrapped up in anxiety, bundled up in worry far too much of the time, but what I do have I give to you. Thank you for taking me as well as my baggage. Amen

While I was praying I envisioned me and Jesus sitting on the shore of a lake sometime in the future. We were sitting on a large rock side by side listening to the water lap gently on the shore, when He turned toward me with love and a bit of a twinkle in His eyes and said, “See? I told you there was nothing to worry about.”

My friends, give Him your baggage today, whatever it is.

He knows what to do with it.

Been thinking about…..

Lately I’ve been thinking about those who went to Africa and met so many orphans. Orphans to whom books, shoes, school, soccer balls are treasures. In many cases kids who had to become heads of households. And I use the term “households” loosely, since many have no homes.

I have been wondering how it would feel to have no one to belong to. Having to go from place to place begging for food, searching, hoping for kindness from strangers.

What did I do to deserve living here in this place, with all my relatives trailing behind me on both sides. I know who I am because of all the stories passed down from one to another. Someone decided it was important to remember, so records were kept. Somehow on the dusty prairie of North Dakota, pictures were taken…..and from that, a colorful quilt of heritage was woven warmly around me.

I can scarcely imagine what it took for my Great-great Grandpa Jakob to pack up his family and flee from Russia. I wonder what wonderful things he heard about America. He must have held that dream for a better life until he could hold it no longer and then they all set sail across the water. My Grandmother at six months old almost didn’t make it.

On my Dad’s side they hailed from England close to where Robinhood and his band of merry men hung out. I have seen pictures of Lincolnshire, its stunning. They must have had some motivation to leave and start a Blacksmith shop in America. It couldn’t have been easy.

All this to say that they had a choice. They had somewhere to flee to. Somewhere to go. And as a result, I have a place of belonging. I know who I am and where I come from, it’s humbling. Because others have been robbed of something they never knew they had.

If I had one thing to say to those precious little ones I would say this. Once upon a time you had a Mom and a Dad. And they had stories, talents, things that made them unique in all the world. You had Aunties and Uncles too and they all had gifts which they passed down to you, even though you may not have known them. I am so sorry you never knew them, that you never got to see that tapestry they might have woven into your life.

That you will never have the luxury of complaining about your family and how they drive you crazy.

But here’s the thing. You do have a family. A heritage, and its one with Royal blood lines. And you are part of it. You have a Father in Heaven who loves you even more than your real Mama and Daddy ever could have.

And in the meantime, I hope all the people here and now who are wrapping their arms around you will let a little hope leak through to let you know you are you are very much not alone. And that you can dreams and that maybe they can even come true.

“Sing to God, sing in praise of his name, extol him who rides on the clouds……rejoice before him—his name is the Lord. A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in his holy dwelling.God sets the lonely in families, he leads out the prisoners with singing…….Psalm 68:4-6

Click here to see what some are doing to help give hope (and a place) to some very special kids today. See how you can also help!