Lent Day #9: What was I thinking?

The Wildness of God

I don’t remember consciously making the decision to do a post for each of the 40 days of Lent, it just sort of happened. Somehow I think there is a lesson for me in it. And maybe for someone else as well. I am discovering just how weak the flesh can be, (as if I didn’t know before.)

On Day 9, I find my mind wandering. And this morning out of nowhere, I found myself thinking very uncharitable thoughts about someone sitting just a few feet away. I had to pray a prayer of confession before 6:30 in the morning. For the co-workers who might read this, don’t even speculate. It was all me, not them.

We’re all human, after all. The Spirit is willing but the flesh always talks back.

As I sit here writing  this, I have to stop and think because my mind is growing fuzzy. Is this the 9th or 10th day of Lent? I had to consult Google.  I feel myself losing focus. I wonder, how did Jesus feel on the 9th day?

I think, “This is crazy. Do I really want to go on with this? Is anyone reading?”  You know how someone with hundreds of followers will post something on Facebook, something innocuous like, “I had fried fish for dinner last night.” And all of a sudden, they have 120 comments. Oh yes, my flesh was talking back like crazy this morning.

Then it was like I felt a quiet tap on the shoulder (God has such a sense of humor) “How’s the lesson going?” He said. I had to smile.

And yes, this is only the 9th day. All of a sudden, I am reminded of why I am doing this. And it has nothing to do vanity or popularity, or shares, or comments. It’s all about what God wants to teach me with this small task.

And as we walk this 40 day road toward the cross together, friends. It’s about what we can all teach each other.

“The noonday devil of the Christian life is the temptation to lose the inner self while preserving the shell of edifying behavior. Suddenly I discover that I am ministering to AIDS victims to enhance my resume. I find I renounced ice cream for Lent to lose five excess pounds… I have fallen victim to what T.S. Eliot calls the greatest sin: to do the right thing for the wrong reason.”  Brennan Manning

Photo: Google images

4 thoughts on “Lent Day #9: What was I thinking?

  1. You have no idea how grateful I am to have found your blog. A study for Lent will reach this little independent wiggle worm. My husband participates in Lent every year. He’s a first born, he’s a believer…and he’s like a duck to water with that kind of stuff. Not so, me.

    But you…you have my ear.

  2. Love your humor, Lori – and God’s! 🙂 Christians who haven’t grown up with Lent on their church calendars mainly hear how people give something up, but as you know, that’s not the purpose. The idea is to evaluate our spiritual lives in Christ and ask the Lord to show us what’s needed to be closer to God. Your blog gets to the heart – and spirit – of that, so I’ll highlight your post on the Christian Poets & Writers blog in hopes that other members of our Facebook group will take note and get closer to God too. Thanks and blessings. http://www.christianpoetsandwriters.com.

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