I was spastic yesterday. I wasn’t ready to go back to work after having “GASP”, 11 days off. I felt like an alcoholic tearing open cupboards looking for a swig of something, anything.  Yes, I am human, I am weak, I am frail. And I wasn’t focusing right then on who I am in Christ. I was looking for a quick fix……

Going back to bed would have worked.

And this morning, I wasn’t expecting the overflow of His Great mercy which came in like a flood as I was praying on the way to work. This year holds some significance for me and I have only just recently realized it.

It’s 40 years this year that I have been walking with Jesus.

Forty days and forty nights it rained.  Moses was on the mountain 40 days and 40 nights, the Israelites wandered 40 years, Jesus fasted in the wilderness for 40 days and was seen on the earth for 40 days after His crucifixion.

40 years now He has walked beside me.

And the fact that we were on His heart, His mind, His plan even before time began? It still blows my mind everyday.

This morning, I thought about all the Resurrection Sundays I have celebrated  in different churches. Each one different, each one a blessing.

The flowering of the cross at St. John’s Episcopal…….the service at Capital Christian where they made Jesus disappear and I still don’t know how they did it…..the sunrise service at my Aunt’s Methodist where we all held hands in the morning dew and sang along with the birds that Morning had indeed broken…..the Easter morning in Arizona that was every bit as beautiful as Easter morning should be, when we saw the Mother duck and her babies……so many over the years, and the best part of it all is this:

It’s not just one day, it’s every day since I have met Him that Easter breaks free in my heart, over and over.

In the car, as His grace washed over me, I remembered how I wrote about how God picks us first. And I also remembered that all too often I pick Him last. And that’s when His love really kicked in. It washed over me and baptised me anew, and this one thought held me, gripped me.

That when all my ridiculous home remedies fail, even when I choose Him as a last resort, when my back’s against the wall, He still loves me.

Even though He chooses me first even when I choose Him last.

Forgive me Lord.

And from the cross, and from Heaven, and in my heart I hear Him say……

“I do.”

In the grip of His grace today and there is nowhere else I would rather be.