Bible humor


Elijah and the Baal worshipers….
I Kings 18:27 “At noon Elijah began to taunt them. “Shout louder!” he said. “Surely he is a god! Perhaps he is deep in thought, or busy, or traveling. Maybe he is sleeping and must be awakened!”

Here’s a lesson not to taunt God’s prophets……
2 Kings 2:23-24
From there Elisha went up to Bethel. As he was walking along the road some youths came out of the town and jeered at him. “Go on up, you baldhead!” they said. “Go on up, you baldhead!”
He turned around, and looked at them and called down a curse on them in the name of the Lord.
Then two bears came out of the woods and mauled forty-two of the youths.

Proverbs 29:20
There is more hope for a fool than for someone who speaks without thinking.

If only you would be altogether silent! For you, that would be wisdom. Job 13:5

Give beer to those who are perishing, wine to those who are in anguish. Proverbs 31:6

And just to clarify: And be not drunk with wine, wherein is excess; but be filled
with the Spirit Ephesians 5:18

When he opened the seventh seal, there was silence in heaven for about half an hour. (I heard it say that this was proof that there are no women in Heaven…NOT funny)Revelations 8:1

Genesis 25:30
He said to Jacob, “Let me eat some of that red stuff, because I’m exhausted.”

Poor Job….
Job 38:1 Then the LORD answered Job out of the whirlwind and said,
2″Who is this that darkens counsel
by words without knowledge?
3″Now gird up your loins like a man,
and I will ask you, and you instruct Me!
4″Where were you when I laid the foundation of the earth?
Tell Me, if you have understanding
and later in the same Chapter….
18″Have you understood the expanse of the earth?
Tell Me, if you know all this. 21″You know, for you were born then,
and the number of your days is great!

1 Thessalonians 4:11 “Also, make it your goal to live quietly, to mind your own business, and to work with your own hands, as we instructed you.”

And from 2 Kings 9:20 “The lookout reported, “He has reached them, but he isn’t coming back either. The driving is like that of Jehu son of Nimshi–he drives like a madman.”
(Guess they had crazy drivers in Bible times too!)

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