Jesus

Thankful for the thorns

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I felt the panic rise and the riptide of the day starting as I awoke. I tamped it back down as it beat against me,  my heartbeat quickening as I glanced at the clock which read 3:40. I layed back down and willed the clock back 8 hours or so.  I sliced at it with the sword of the Word kept in my heart.

My cat sensed my stirrings and came up to nestle and I put my face in his fur and felt his purr, silly as it was it calmed me. The thought came: I should be over this kind of thing. But do we ever get totally at ease and comfortable in this life? And if so, then what do I need Him for?

You’d think I would be over this by now, this fear about meeting the day, but it still happens from time to time and I have the feeling I am not the only one.

We are bound to this earth until such time as these cords are cut and we fly back to our maker. Our real home. The one that every day I seem to glimpse a little more of. I think if we could catch one true glimpse of that life, we would never fear again, but God has given us the gift of faith which pulls us through and fills us with hope.

“Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.” Hebrews 11:1

Paul, a servant of God and an apostle of Jesus Christ for the faith of God’s elect and the knowledge of the truth that leads to godliness'” a faith and knowledge resting on the hope of eternal life, which God, who does not lie, promised before the beginning of time….Titus 1:1,2

Paul called his sufferings light and momentary afflictions.

He was beaten, thrown over-board, bitten by snakes, thrown in prison…….

Yeah, I can do this.

As the words to the song fill my car, my hands gripped the wheel as I counted the years in my head that Jesus has been walking with me……40 years with Jesus now, and shouldn’t I have this down pat?

But the answer came: Will there ever be a time to stop trusting, to stop learning, to stop leaning?

I hope that time never comes this side of Heaven.

Thankful for the thorn of my weakness today. Because every day it draws me closer. Nearer.

Broken for You

The Right Path....

I was rifling through the CD rack when I happened on one from my old church. The one I still miss so much. We caught a golden wave during those years when we worshipped there. It has changed. We have gone back several times and always felt like we were rushed out. It felt like a drive through service. Oh, it was slick and it was smooth and perfect.

No room for the Holy Spirit.

Still, I wasn’t prepared for my own reaction when the first song came on.

One minute I was standing, and the next I was on my knees on the cold laminate floor, hands in the air. With tears streaming, I remembered.

I had forgotten how anointed music sounds, how it affects you. And once again, all those years were back. All those feelings washed over me and something broke apart in my heart. Something inside me broke and I don’t want to be cold and unbroken anymore. I had forgotten how it felt to lose track of time just praising God and it felt……..so……..good.

I remembered how it felt to want to run down in front of the church again, that feeling of surrender.

I remembered how we would lay hands on those around us if they had a need, and how the Spirit felt like waves across the church. Holy……Holy……Holy.

No one should ever leave the church still holding onto a burden, but so often we do just that because we aren’t given the option, or we don’t take it upon ourselves to seek it out.

Yesterday, I needed out of control praise in my own living room. We have had to be too much in control too long, and it was time to let go. I needed the kind of praise I imagine the woman gave Jesus, the one caught in adultery. I imagine how she felt as she waited for the first stone to strike. Wondering how long it would take to die that way.

I imagine her relief as she heard a thud in the dirt instead and then a gentle hand on her shoulder, and an even gentler voice.

I really don’t think as He helped her up she just shook His hand and said, thank you Sir. I think she fell back to the ground and worshipped at His feet. I imagine she slobbered and wiped her tears and clutched at His robe that was dragging in the dust. I have a feeling she cried and prayed loud sobbing wet tears and wiped her nose on the hem of His garment.

And then maybe He helped her up again and smiled and gave her a rag to wipe her nose. And then I think she might have done a crazy dance like King David did all the way home, waving her hands in the air as her heart tasted forgiveness for the very first time.

I did both of those things in my living room yesterday morning, and it felt good. I want this rock inside me to break apart and stay apart. I want to throw the fish in the pan and let it cook itself and stay here forever like Mary, choosing the better part.

I realize we can’t always walk around a broken up mess, but I wonder why I don’t much more often.

Thank you, Lord. Your timing is perfect as usual.

God’s Greatest Gift

Convicted

I confess I have always been a sucker for Valentine’s Day.  When I was a kid I loved sweets more than anything else in the world. I could be bought easily with candy or cookies……Well, some things never change, I guess. I can still remember my Aunt Lois running up the driveway with a special box just for me. She would never stay long, but I looked forward to what she brought every year.  

And I especially loved it in grade school. I remember making those big white envelopes we would decorate and hang on our desks; then we would all file around and drop a card or maybe two in each one. The teachers always made sure the distribution was fair and no one was shortchanged.

It remains a special day for me, even though I get irritated by the endless hawking and intimidation on the part of  jewelry stores. I hate to think such a sweet sentimental day has been reduced to diamonds and other expensive gifts.

I have never been known to refuse chocolate however, especially when it comes to a “certain retailer”….Ahem…. in which I have memorized every candy by its shape……Ahem…..in which I think I may have waiting on the table tonight. I hope.

I hang my head in shame as I confess that I have never had to actually cut into one to find out what it is, I already know. Years of consumption and practice.

Setting aside everything else about the day though, one thing is true:

The biggest Valentine any one of us will ever get came from God Himself in the form of Jesus. We were in His heart from the very beginning.

God is love. Not only does He act in love, He simply IS love. So I guess you could say this day really belongs to Him.

Everything in our universe responds to love.  Animals have a tremendous capacity to show and demonstrate their love and devotion to us. I am touched every day by how my cats love me, how they wait for my car to pull up in the drive, how they wait for me to settle in my chair so they can be wherever I am.

Trees, flowers, everything in nature responds to care and nuturing.Without it they die. Without it, we die too.

Our world was created and is sustained by a loving God. It keeps turning because of His limitless capacity for love and mercy.  And in turn, when we love like He does? We have the power to throw a spotlight on what can be a very dark place for some.

So if you don’t get diamonds or chocolate or flowers today?

Remember God’s great gift. A Father giving a Son, and a Son who gives Himself willingly…….

God gives nothing but the best.

Happy Valentine’s Day from me to you.

Somebody is waiting

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May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. Romans 15:13

Last night I wanted to go home, fast. It was a stressful day and I had things to do before I went to bed. I thought of checking on our resident Intel cat, Mrs. Howell, but my feet were going fast forward toward my car. The sunset was unfolding in a myriad of colors and along with the scattered clouds it was a stop and stare moment.

I threw my backpack and carry all bag in their prospective spots in the adjacent seat and sat down and drew a deep breath. I made it. Another day done. But then I thought of how the weather was changing, and how cold Mrs. Howell might get, and I couldn’t take not knowing if her food dish was empty or not.

I drove over to the neighboring building and went inside and then out again……out the doors that led to the back patio where she resides. She met me in her usual spot, unsure at first whether I was a friend or foe. When she figured out it was me, she ran to her dish and started eating…..she loves for us to watch her eat. Then she was meowing, and purring, and rubbing her head and drooling on my feet.

I was treated to a marvelous light show in the sky and I thought, I needed this, just this little space at the end of my tough day.

Sometimes it makes you feel better knowing you’re needed, even if only by a little critter.

I made sure her bowls were topped off and then I went to leave and she tried to trip me as she usually does by scissoring in and out of my feet. Then she meowed and grabbed my ankle……her little way of trying to get me to stay longer. She followed me all the way up to the door of the building which was very unusual. She is usually too timid to get that close.

I told her I would see her later. When I left she was sitting dejected by the door looking through. Not for the first time I thought, all over the world, people……animals……children……orphans…….are peering through the glass, through doors, through windows, through bars.

Waiting for someone to come.

Waiting for someone to be their Jesus.

He quiets us with singing

 
Something we can all do....
 
I was asked the other day if I thought Jesus sang…….like did He ever walk down the road and break into song? I said I thought He probably did. The Bible says He sang songs of worship with His disciples, and He was filled with the Spirit so, yes I believe there were times when He spontaneously burst into song. And the Bible says He sings over us.  Just imagining that set my mind in motion. Can you imagine hearing Him sing, or laugh? Seeing His face light up with a smile?

I think sometimes it is hard for us to think of Jesus as fully human. But I love to imagine Jesus doing the simple things of life. Walking down the road with His friends, or maybe helping His Mom with a task around the house, sitting down to dinner with His family. It is hard for us, for me anyway, to imagine Him being silly or joking around. Did He tease His Mother? Pull a practical joke on His brothers or sisters? I like to think He did. He was after all, fully God but also fully man, and fully human. 

I like to imagine those simple times when He greeted His friends with a smile or put an arm around them while walking, lifting His face to Heaven while He prayed, or sang a song, swung a child around just to listen to them laugh.

I like this form of meditation, imagining Jesus and how it was….. I think that many times He probably felt very burdened when He looked out over the crowds, at the immensity of the need, the desperation. I think it made Him sad many times, when people just didn’t get the message, couldn’t grasp His love for them.

But I also think there were times when Jesus had to lighten the mood by cracking a joke.

 
The LORD your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing.” Zephaniah 3:17

When heavy hearts give thanks

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Be thankful in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you who belong to Christ Jesus……1 Thessalonians 5:18

I have misheard and misunderstood this Scripture and caused myself much grief, packing a load on myself I was never meant to carry.  I have had to remind myself that  it doesn’t say to be thankful FOR for circumstance, but IN the circumstance. So today, I offer up thanks to a God who is worthy of all my gratitude, all the time.

Thank you Lord that even when our hearts are hurting, the fountain of thankfulness still somehow keeps bubbling to the surface. I woke up at around 2:30 and the first thing that popped into my mind was the line to the song that says:

Oh no, you never let go, through the calm and through the storm…….

Thank you for the twinkling lights outside my window for they remind me of what and who I am celebrating, and for the love of a friend who put them up when I know that all she wanted to do was put this Christmas on fast forward…..not the reason of it, for that she clings to, but all the stuff that goes along with it.

In her loss this season she still thinks of how she can make others happy, so she put the timer on so that I would see them when I left for work.  That kind of heart is what makes the Lord happy. 

That kind of gratitude when it isn’t easy is like shaking our fist in Satan’s face.  

Thank you Lord, for an Aunt who calls me even when she is going through her own kind of loss this year once again with her husband in a rest home….she misses her old life, but still she waves the flag of gratitude because she has her health and that she can see him each day.

And that most of the time, he is in a good mood.

Thank you Lord, for the classical station that actually came in this morning as I was driving to work. Those notes filled out a hollowed out place in my soul that I didn’t even realize was there until I heard it. It lifted me, made me better somehow. I believe that’s what good music should do.

And thank you that things at work are relatively calm right now. We are in between processes and winding down so I can have time to relax somewhat at my station and I really need that right now.

Especially now.

I feel  fatigued today, Lord.  I need those wings of eagles to lift me up…..in fact I can feel them now. I already feel better. And send a big eagle for Elaine. She needs one worse.

Your girl.

Of missed Messiahs and plans that don’t gel

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The mouse hovered over rental car sites but as yet no reservation has been made for the Christmas trip.  She hovered over an ad for the Messiah and I said, “Let’s go……..Friday night it’s at the Mesa Arts Center.” She said, “You can just meet me there after work.” It’s one of our favorite things to do around Christmas.

“But what about your Mom, would she be okay here after dark?”

“Probably not,” she said. And as 29 seconds were left on the timer, she unclicked the button that would have reserved our seats in the mezzanine, right on the end. We sighed again for one more thing we missed out on this year.

The truth is, sometimes Christmas is made up of “missed Messiah’s” and “plans not set.” But Christmas has a way of coming anyway. So we find joy in the little moments of the season. Sitting by the tree in the mornings, listening to Christmas music, ushers in peace before the clatter and commotion of the day. Watching the cats play around under it………Seeing angels and bells and stars take shape in the oven as the smell fills the house.

And one day after Christmas, all this rushing around will cease to matter. I was reminded yesterday what does matter. The cross is what matters.

We look to His birth and resurrection and while those are wonderful miraculous events, what really speaks to us is His suffering on the cross. We look at Jesus pain and can no longer ignore the fact that He sees our pain too.

It is only at the cross that we see the great magnitude and depth of His love for us. You can hardly ignore a naked, dying man on a cross. And as Louie Giglio said in his message yesterday, our own pain is the megaphone through which the world learns about Christ.

And while we celebrate His birth, the cross is what continues to speak the loudest. And when we compare our pain to His all of our arguments fall silent.

When we gaze at Jesus on the cross, we can no longer say that we have a God who is unwilling or un able to enter into our greatest pain.

He is and He does, every single day.

A voice cries:
“In the wilderness prepare the way of the Lord;
    make straight in the desert a highway for our God.
Every valley shall be lifted up,
    and every mountain and hill be made low;
the uneven ground shall become level,
    and the rough places a plain.
And the glory of the Lord shall be revealed,
    and all flesh shall see it together,
    for the mouth of the Lord has spoken.”

Isaiah 40:3-5