No more goodbyes

“He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death’ or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.” Revelation 21:4

When the girl at the airport hears the announcement that her plane is starting to board, she turns to the boy who is seeing her off. “I guess this is goodbye,” she says.

The noise of the traffic almost drowns out the sound of the word, but the shape of it lingers on the old man’s lips. He tries to look vigorous and resourceful as he holds out his hand to the other old man. “Goodbye.” This time they say it so nearly in unison that it makes them both smile.

The poignancy of “Goodbye.” Frederick Buechner captures the tragedy and sadness of it beautifully in today’s reading from “Listening to Your Life.” I remembered this one as soon as I flipped the page, because at some point I had circled the date on it. It always rocks me to the core, because this is the essence of what it means to feel the sorrow of the fall.

We were never meant for death or any kind of goodbyes for that matter. He never desired it or designed us for it. That all came when we presumed to know better and went for that one forbidden thing He knew would separate ourselves from Him forever. And this of course, is the whole reason Jesus came. That we might be able to banish that word from our experience and vocabulary forever. In His great mercy, He has given us a second chance to trust His love.

The swift passage of time startles me into the realization that I don’t have much of it left. I am ready to be done with coming and going. Regularly, I have to board a plane and leave one home for another. I have done it for years now, and it only gets harder. I pray that God will grant me this one wish. Because goodbyes are like a little bit of hell, over and over again. Selfishly, I want everyone in one place. There, I said it.

And yet, it would be wrong to describe the sorrow of goodbye without the Heavenly joy of the greetings I cherish on arrival. If I never have to board a plane again, I will always remember the hopeful joy in their faces, the shriek of delight at seeing me grinning my way down that escalator jostling my luggage. The arms held open……..Yes, that right there is a little bit of the sweetness of Heaven.

And always someone on each end to welcome me home.

Sometimes it takes a Turkey

Tom Kettleman started showing up last Spring in my hometown of Lodi, California. No one seemed to know where he came from. People learned to watch out for him because he didn’t always use the cross walk, but sometimes he did. Wherever he was, he created a stir. Sometimes he would chase ambulances and patrol cars. I guess they didn’t know whose turf they were on. More often than not he could be found at one of his resting places, behind the parking lot of Lowe’s or hanging out at Panera’s strutting his stuff. Every now and then you could find him behind Wal-Mart. Kettleman Lane and Lower Sacramento road was where you could usually always see him.

People started looking for him and then posting their pictures of where he was that day. Kids and parents alike fell in love with Tom. He became a very popular guy. He never asked for the notoriety, he was just being himself. But something about Tom seemed to bring people of all different walks of life together. It was a curious phenomenon. People who might never have otherwise met started talking about Tom and where they saw him.

Then came the Facebook fan page which swelled to over 3000 members.

The usual trip to the store was somehow brightened by Tom’s antics, especially when he was show-boating, puffing all his feathers up in grand turkey style, it was really something to see.

People might wonder about how this could happen, but the reason is very simple. Tom gave people something to smile about. He gave me something to smile about all the way in Arizona. He gave a little bit of hope to a weary world. A world worn down by work, stress, horrific events in the news. Tom gave people something of a sense of community that is hard to find these days. I guess you could say that Tom was a little bit of an ambassador in that regard.

Sometimes I find that animals and babies have a way of being much more effective at building bridges between people of all faiths, colors, and economic statures.

Or course, there were the naysayers and the haters of Tom as well. There were cruel comments on Facebook, and those who felt that he was a nuisance, a danger to the community. Wherever good and innocence gather, the minions of negativity always seem to spring up as well. Human nature I suppose.

Now Tom is gone and people are saddened. Others don’t understand the sadness. He was just a turkey after all. But I can say that I will truly miss my brother’s pictures and texts about Tom and where he was that day. I will miss the idea of Tom and how he brought my hometown together. Growing up in Lodi was truly a blessing. We had community, we had closeness. It was a safe place where we could walk the streets at just about any time of day or night without fear.

And yet, this thing with Tom makes me realize that community still exists in Lodi. I can already see the good coming out of it on the Friends of Tom page on Facebook. (which is now open only to invitation from other members.)

You see, sometimes it takes something as silly as a turkey to make people believe in each other and their community again. To see something that was there all along. Sometimes God uses turkeys.

The spirit that brought people together while Tom was here has not left. Let it continue to inspire us all to do something good for each other today and everyday. We love and miss you Tom. Inspire on…….

Why it’s good to remember………

As I left this morning in the dark, I straightened my flag out and remembered. That day 13 years ago. Frozen in front of the TV, incredulous; watching the news in disbelief. I remember my Mom calling and weeping on the phone. And now I am in disbelief again that so many years have flown by…..It doesn’t seem possible.

As I walked into work I passed the security guard who was raising the American flag which I thought looked a little dingy. It would have been nice to see a bright splash of red, white and blue against the sky. It felt like such an ordinary day…….too ordinary. I guess that day started out pretty ordinary too. And that’s not a bad thing.

That’s what makes this all so significant. If 9/11 were to teach us anything, it is that each day holds within itself a wonderful capacity for complete normalcy and utter disaster. So we need to embrace the normal for what it is.

Ordinary life tinged with the miraculous.

In and around and through, each little insignificant moment of every day there is a thread of wonder. The thing we usually don’t realize though, is how fast it can all be taken away. I know, I’ve been there. I am one who stood at the edge of the great wide gulf of grief, wondering what I could have done differently, wondering how I would ever make my way to the other side.

We’ve all had loss, we’ve all had our times of wishing we could reel back all those little moments and see them for the small miracles they were. How clear it all seems from a distance.

Now I do my best to live in the moment. I don’t always succeed, but I am better at it than I used to be.

Set aside all the other lessons we could have learned that day 13 years ago. And set aside all the things we could be doing right now to prevent it from happening again.

The thing that matters most is that we live life with our eyes and hearts wide open. Knowing that each and every day we walk on Holy ground, and that person you wake up to? Ride that bus with? Work next to in that cubicle? They all have lives, hopes, dreams that matter to them. They all started out with a spark of Godness.

Tonight when you go home, go and sit beside the one you love, hold their hand and look into their eyes and ask them, really ask them how their day went. And then really listen. Who cares if they ask if you are alright. Thank God you still have them.

And in your reflection today, remember the ordinary heroes who died that day and the ones who tried to save them.

And everyday, remember the One who died to save you, for without Him nothing is possible.

With Him, everything is.

The Miracle of Belief

I live and move and believe in a state of Grace, each day. The fact that I believe is a testimony to God’s great mercy and each day I am awed and greatly humbled by that fact. What makes one person believe and strive to live out a faith and another not give it a thought? I have always thought that people usually die just the way they lived unless a miracle happens. We are all born under the same stars but under many different sets of circumstances. I have seen people make it out of unbearable conditions of life and come to belief in God and salvation in Jesus. And I have seen others with seemingly every opportunity crash right through life, leaving all kinds of destruction in their wake and not ever look up and the sky and wonder “who put all that there.”

It’s amazing really.

We went to visit Joyce at the Care Facility yesterday, and it’s always a grim reminder of mortality. Two ladies were sitting out in the patio in 100 hundred plus degrees puffing away on their cigarettes. Both their lips were moving, cigarettes bobbing up and down, spilling ash as they talked. There but for the grace go any of us……….I always find myself praying a lot when I go there and the prayer is just under my breath………”Oh dear Jesus don’t let me live this long.” What I really mean is, “Don’t let me end up in a place like this.” It’s tough to visit, and I can imagine it’s tough to work there too.

But Joyce is blessed, she has a good daughter, a Grace-filled light in the window to come bring her treats, to do things for her that otherwise don’t seem to get done. It’s hard to visit because there is not much conversation to be had anymore, but this is the tough part of a real and living faith.

Who is your light in the window today? We all need to recognize these gifts from God and look up awestruck and thank Him each and every day. His gifts come in all different forms. I pray that I will always be able to see what’s standing right in front of me as His grace…….His love……His mercy.

I have recently restarted Frederick Buechner’s “Listening to Your Life” again. It is a gem of a book……I don’t know how many times I have read through it, but each time I pick it up again I find I’m reading it with new eyes. He is one of the writers I reach for when my feelings are too deep for my own measly words.

Add to that list, Thomas Merton, Henry Nouwen and C.S. Lewis.

A final thought from today’s devotional:

“The idea of the immortality of the soul is based on the experience of man’s indomitable spirit. The idea of the resurrection of the body is based on the experience of God’s unspeakable love.” Frederich Buechner, Sept 2, Listening to Your Life

We are all hurtling toward either Heaven or hell. Jesus said that, not me. Each day there is a new chance to change your direction. “You must warn each other every day, while it is still “today,” so that none of you will be deceived by sin and hardened against God.” Hebrews 3:13

I give you Buechner……I give you today.

Reading from the devotional book, “Listening to Your Life” by Frederick Buechner:

September 1

It is a moment of light surrounded on all sides with darkness and oblivion. In the entire history of the universe, let alone in your own history there has never been another just like it and there will never be another just like it again. It is the point to which all your yesterdays have been leading since the hour of your birth. It is the point from which all your tomorrows will proceed until your death. If you were aware of how precious it is, you could hardly live through it. Unless you are aware of how precious it is, you can hardly be said to be living at all.

“This is the day that The Lord has made,” say the 118th Psalm. “Let us rejoice and be glad in it.” Or weep and be sad in it for that matter. The point is to see it for what it is because it will be gone before you know it. If you waste it, it is your life that you’re wasting. If you look the other way, it may be the moment you’ve been waiting for always that you’re missing.

All other days have either disappeared into darkness and oblivion or not yet emerged from them. Today is the only day there is.

Whew…..few writers like that guy. Even when capturing the beauty of the moment, he comes off a little fatalistic, but then again, life is pretty fatalistic. The point is to treasure each day as if it’s the only one you have, for it just may be, and then eternity awaits. Embrace the joy of this new day, because there is always reason to hope…..to dance.

Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good!
His faithful love endures forever……….Psalm 118:29

photo taken in Moss Landing, California

Deliverance from Bondage

For we know that the whole creation groans and suffers the pains of childbirth together until now. And not only this, but also we ourselves, having the first fruits of the Spirit, even we ourselves groan within ourselves, waiting eagerly for our adoption as sons, the redemption of our body. For in hope we have been saved, but hope that is seen is not hope; for who hopes for what he already sees? But if we hope for what we do not see, with perseverance we wait eagerly for it. Romans 8:22-25

I was thinking as I read James 4 today that it must be tough for the Holy Spirit to hang with me sometimes. He is in a kind of prison as long as He resides with all of us humans, still so full of the flesh most of the time. Yet, He is gracious enough to hold to Jesus promise that we would have a comforter at all times, so that we need never be alone. Yet even creation knows that better times are coming. You can almost hear the trees say, just wait…….you think I am something now?

They reach for better things just as we do and hold to the promise as they reach for the sky.

Down here we toil and sweat to grow food.The ants have been attacking the Okra, eating the blooms even before they have a chance to blossom. The tomatoes didn’t like the soil this year……still we strive for the hope that we know will come if we persevere. Ants have been dealt with and now plants are producing the way they should have all along.

We have reward for labor.

And the Spirit strives with us, but it will not always be so. He will be set free and so will we, once and for all. Until then, we wait down here deep-rooted to the earth along with the trees.

Not Home yet.

For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory that is to be revealed to us. For the anxious longing of the creation waits eagerly for the revealing of the sons of God. For the creation was subjected to futility, not willingly, but because of Him who subjected it, in hope that the creation itself also will be set free from its slavery to corruption into the freedom of the glory of the children of God. Romans 8:18-21

What Ferguson needs is what we all need.

I was in prayer as to what to write about today, waiting for a direction……a word. I click on the news events, the chief one being the funeral of Michael Brown. I pause when I read these words by Jesse Washington in the A.P article:

He was a “gentle giant” headed to college. Pictures of Brown circulate that show him smiling, baby-faced — reminiscent of the childlike photos that first introduced us to Trayvon Martin.

I try to reconcile that with what I saw on the video of him strong-arming that clerk when he and his companion robbed the convenience store. My mind wants to make sense of it…..wants to reconcile it somehow, settle it. That’s what we want in times like this. We want a definite right and wrong. Black or white, if you will. But sometimes we are left with no right answers but only our emotions, anger, confusion, sadness.

Each side wants to paint a picture, this is how I see it anyway when I look at the media. One side wants us to believe Michael Brown was an innocent young kid on his way to college full of hopes and dreams. The other side wants us to believe he was a thug, a would-be rapper, up to no good and going nowhere fast.

Our minds and hearts grapple……..we want to know what to believe. When it happened, the barriers went up. The battle lines were drawn, and there were those of us who stood back and just wanted to get the facts. We wanted to make sense of the anger and the violence. And then there were those who just wanted to go and see for themselves, to stand in the gap and pray. And I know that’s always right.

To be truthful, right after it happened and I saw Al Sharpton spewing anger on the news, I rolled my eyes. “Here we go again,” I thought, “Why does it always have to be someone like him or Jesse Jackson when there are so many other more intelligent, well-spoken individuals out there who we might listen to.” I believe I am speaking for many people here and not just white people either.

And after that I kind of shut my ears to it all. It just got too noisy.

But now, this morning, I see family members and a community grieving and that’s never good. I know how it feels to put someone in the ground. You can never forget that sorrow.

I’ve read a little about the history of the town of Ferguson and I want to have a deeper understanding. I think of how I would feel if it had been my dear friend’s son standing in the street that night and what if it had been him who had been shot. I would be at that funeral right now. And it wouldn’t matter if he’d been in the right or wrong, or if he’d been inside or outside the law because grief is grief and heartache is heartache.

Kids aren’t perfect, any of them. Neither are any of us. We all have the capacity to make good decisions and bad ones. We sometimes find ourselves doing things we don’t want to do. I do know one thing, violence will never solve anything, but prayer is always right. My prayer is that healing can begin, not just for Ferguson but for the whole world.

In times like these I believe the Church has a unique opportunity to pull together, that’s what Jesus would have us do. Because the world is watching. In fact, that is what Jesus is praying for right at this moment. Unified hearts united with Him. We are called to love each other, and sometimes love means standing back and seeing things from a different perspective.

Deep down, it’s not about black or white or anything in between, it’s about the battle we each fight within our own hearts. And the only way we will ever have true peace, true healing in our hearts is when we invite Jesus in.

If only it were all so simple! If only there were evil people somewhere committing evil deeds, and it were necessary only to separate them from the rest of us and destroy them. But the line dividing good and evil cuts through the heart of every human being. And who is willing to destroy a piece of his own heart? Alexander Solzhenitsyn

Oh, what a miserable person I am! Who will free me from this life that is dominated by sin and death? Thank God! The answer is in Jesus Christ our Lord. So you see how it is: In my mind I really want to obey God’s law, but because of my sinful nature I am a slave to sin. Apostle Paul

The Wheat and the Tares

It all started last March when I heard about the two suicides……two young people that couldn’t find any hope that things would get better. One of which was the neighbor of my Aunt, parents finding what was left of her. The beauty and the soul and the perfection that was her life. And then a week later, a phone call. My cousin’s son did the very same thing. In disbelief I almost dropped the phone. To me, there is no sadder horror than that for a parent.

And the recent events in the news, coming one after the other, so much so that we can barely keep track of them all. Planes shot down over Ukraine……a bank robbery, a hostage situation and a highspeed chase on the very street I drove down when I was back home two weeks ago. Bullets flew, hundreds of them. And an innocent bystander coming in to do her banking was caught in the crossfire.

Her daughter waited in the car, then watched horrified as her Mom was used as a shield while they got away. She texted her Dad……”They have Mom.” She didn’t come back.

You would think all this would be reason enough to give up on this life. We live in a world where heaven and hell coexist like the wheat and the tares that thrive side by side. And yet…..

There is poetry and music and art and crowded sidewalks and family and friends, and the smile of a child. And it all adds up to an incredible relentless beauty that tugs at the soul and won’t let go.

I can’t ignore the drops of rain that fall quietly on the pond like a prayer, the relentless beauty that falls all around us on any given day. There is a peace that comes from sitting on a porch with a view that wraps around you.

I can’t account for the joy that beats like wild wings within my chest except that I recognize it as the Holy Spirits quickening because that’s how God is. He shows up.

He permeates the air with His presence especially when it seems all hope is lost forever. He says:

No, it’s not, because I am.

In troubled times we need to gather the ones we love close and get rid of everything else that weighs us down. We need to walk humbly in love and cradle carefully the gift we have from God, and never lose our sense of wonder at the world that was once perfect.

Be surprised each day at what God redeems out of the ashes. Never forget the moment you first believed. He is coming quickly, so my advice is be ready.

Raise your eyes to the Heavens and never lose hope. Remember that even thistles and artichokes yield spectacular blooms.

All praise to God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. It is by his great mercy that we have been born again, because God raised Jesus Christ from the dead. Now we live with great expectation, and we have a priceless inheritance—an inheritance that is kept in heaven for you, pure and undefiled, beyond the reach of change and decay. And through your faith, God is protecting you by his power until you receive this salvation, which is ready to be revealed on the last day for all to see.

For those who long for freedom

You feel grounded, rooted to this spot, and you feel like things can’t change soon enough. You feel discouragement nipping at your heels because you have the sense that by the time things do finally change it will be too late.

This is a prayer for those who are in the uncomfortable place of waiting:

For a change…..the crack of dawn in the darkness……for healing to come…..to get out from under that boss…..to not have to view the world from the window anymore. Maybe it’s the past that keeps pulling you back. Maybe it’s just one person.

You want to hit the open road and never look back because fighting the good fight is tiring. You don’t want to be the one left behind anymore, you want to be the one planning to fly off to fun without a care in the world. You want to get off the Merry-Go-Round and take a turn on the Ferris Wheel.

Maybe you’re in a care-taking role you never asked for, and you feel like you have been playing that role most of your life and you want another part in the play. Maybe it’s a parent who really hasn’t ever been there, and you wonder why in the world you feel you have to be there for them.

And even now, in their weakness, their neediness, their disease, their negative words still have the power to deliver a death sentence to your hopes and dreams, to rob you of every victory you ever almost enjoyed. But only if you let them.

Sometimes you wonder why God keeps them alive and you feel like it’ll only be after they’re gone that you will taste true freedom………part of that freedom will be the absence of the albatross of all that guilt hanging around your neck.

Stand tall, and know that God is fighting with you and for you today. Even now, it’s His freedom, His salvation that makes it possible to continue doing what you do. You have the living promise “that He is a rewarder of those who diligently seek Him.” Because of Him, hope has made a permanent home in your heart and right now, today you are a living testimony with a future filled with promise.

Hope flickers like a candle in her heart and this hope is what the negative voices have tried to stamp out again and again but the voices are becoming silent now because this is her time. The seed that hope planted in her heart has given birth to success, and no one and nothing can ever take that away, because now she knows she is worthy. Sometimes you must have the courage to step over the loss of that thing you never had in order to have the strength to move on.

Take heart, take hope today. He has already given you success. He is with you in the middle of wherever you are. It’s true freedom He gives and it belongs to you today!

The LORD your God is in your midst, a mighty one who will save; he will rejoice over you with gladness; he will quiet you by his love; he will exult over you with loud singing. Zephaniah 3:17

The grace that leads us home

Every now and then, when I think that maybe I’ve come to the end of my words; where I think I might even quit blogging, I have a morning like I had yesterday. For no particular circumstance or reason I could think of, I felt bouyant. I didn’t walk, I floated. I said, “Good Morning” to most everyone I saw and I really felt it. I looked in their eyes and I saw that my joy ignited something in them. It was infectious.

I call this feeling resting in God’s sweet spot. The Bible defines it as the “Hope” that lies within us. Hope with a capital “H.” He gives me those days, those moments when I least expect them, and that’s when I know that there is no possible way I could ever stop writing about it. The Bible says always be ready to give an answer for the hope that lies within us. This hope is what the world needs more than ever “………but sanctify Christ as Lord in your hearts, always being ready to make a defense to everyone who asks you to give an account for the hope that is in you, yet with gentleness and reverence; 1 Peter 3:15

When you are awash in gratitude you want to tell everyone why; so much so that you can’t keep it from flowing through your fingertips. It’s a natural reaction of the hope that comes from the assurance of knowing that ultimately, it’s Grace that will lead you home. Nothing can replace that sweetness. That hope gives way to torrents of gratitude that become the backdrop of a life walking hand in hand with our Savior.

As I went down to get coffee I thought, here I am all these years later in this good job where God has placed me when I had no clue what to do with my future. A small town girl with no degree who long ago had her life drastically rearranged by sorrow has now been here 18 years. All those times when I had to duck into the bathroom stall to pray, to even get in the door, he heard me.

It’s amazing how He’s provided for me. Even when I made bad decisions……veered wildly off His path, given way to fear, despair and worry. All along the way, He has been by my side. He has taken those little seeds of faith and watered them with my tears along His own mixed in and grown a garden path thats vibrant and rich.

It’s only with a little bit of distance that we can see that our road has truly been paved with grace. And it’s that grace that will lead us Home.

It’s the fruit that the Apostle Paul talked about, the fruit we reap if we don’t weary and the knowledge that none of heartaches were in vain and that to your surprise is the knowledge that you’ve overcome the world right along with Jesus.

And He’s given me a best friend to laugh with, share with, walk along this path so I don’t have to go it alone. Someone whose own life has been paved with grace as well. The Bible places a high value on Godly friendship:

A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother (or sister). Proverbs 18:24

I am feeling this grace today, friends and I want to share it with you. Call upon the Lord today, and begin your day with gratitude. Before you know it, the counting with become a way of life that will stay with you no matter the circumstance.

Lori's Prayer Closet

"And when you pray, go into your room, close the door and pray to your Father, who is unseen. Then your Father, who sees what is done is secret, will reward you……"Matthew 6:6

Hope