They made me want to go

Every now and then, something you read trickles down to your actual life and it changes the way you think, even the way you live. Something stirs in your soul and reawakens you to something you believed all along.

Good words capture the power behind the action and get it right.

They open you up to new possibilities and remind you that one person can indeed make a great difference in the world, and a few can do even more. Like all great dreams, this one started in the heart of one person, Chris Marlow and like a tumbleweed on fire, that one dream spread to others and they made it their dream too.

And I would never have known about any of this without my friend and fellow blogger, Duane Scott. He was a member of the blogger team that was going there. Oh, I knew about Haiti and the terrible earthquake that happened but like everything else we hear about in the news, it gets sandwiched, stacked on top of every other catastrophe until they all get lost in the big stack of awful stuff.

It all leaves you feeling kind of helpless and like it’s all too big, too futile.

I followed the chronicles of the Haiti blogger team eagerly. When they all boarded the plane, I almost felt like I was going with them. Then, as I read the stories, my tears splashed on the page along with theirs. It was all so much, all too big, the need too great.

I read about the Pastor and his wife who slept out in the open between the children and the child rape and the food that was never enough. And I also read about their great faith and their big smiles and I heard about the church services that went on forever because the people just couldn’t stop praising God. Hello? Something is wrong here.

Then I heard about the school they wanted to build and I learned how my little dollars could make a difference by joining Pure Charity and backing the project. When I figured out that even ten dollars can make a difference over there, I started to change how I spent here.

And now I can’t stop thinking about that school, that playground, and those kids out there playing in the bright Haitian sun. I think of how my niece doesn’t have any kids to play with after school and I think of how much all those children would love to play with her and she with them.

And I can’t get that particular vision out of my head. Why are things so uneven? My niece is special needs and sometimes other kids aren’t sure how to play with her, but I know those kids would because they have special needs of their own…..which one of us doesn’t?

I was raised to be grateful for what I have, and I am a person who has always been mindful about the plight of the poor. I send a check each month to my sponsored child through World Vision along with my prayers, which can never do enough.

And I never lay my head on my pillow at night without thanking God for my bed. I ask myself why they were born there and me here, with so much. And I know that just thanking God is not enough.

Help join me in making dreams a reality for these kids, and for your own neighborhood kids as well. Join Pure Charity and back a project today.

You won’t be sorry you did.

And to think it all started with the Haiti bloggers and their stories, and how they almost made this hobbit-like, comfort loving, safety-concious barely leaving my continent homebody want to go there.

The Snow Day

Tuesday night my little corner of the desert took a cue from the rest of the country and got uncharacteristically cold and gray. When dawn drew aside her curtain we were treated to a view that was almost Holy.

Snow had dusted the top of the Superstition Mountains…..and all day long my camera beckoned from its place on the shelf.

I needed to get closer to that view…..closer to God. I drove through rain-soaked drizzle and felt the snap in the air as I waited for the heater to kick in.

My spirit was bogged down with an anchor that held my heart fast, kept it from sailing free.

And in this life isn’t there almost always a pain, a heartache, an issue, “a thing” to weigh down our hearts? But I have learned one very important bit of wisdom in my time on this earth.

Really, you could say that it is one of the most important lessons to learn.

God is always there too, and He’s always bigger than the thing, whatever that thing is.

Sometimes, we just need to know that He remembers us down here; that’s how I found myself praying that day, as I drove.

Remember me Lord…….remember me as You remembered Noah, Moses and Abraham.

See this woman down here; this woman driving around getting lost looking for the perfect view of the mountain, the perfect view of You. One who worries about her family. Remember me as my pain blooms to life once again by something I see that reminds me of what used to be.

And then somehow, a miracle does happen because it’s not only God remembering me, but me remembering God, and all the big things He’s brought us through before and I know He will again.

On days when we’d rather throw the covers over our head, what we need to do is swing our feet over the side of the bed and ask God what kind of miracle you and He are going to pull off together. It’s what I had to do this morning……

I remember You, God. And today I will set my sights on Heaven.

Since you have been raised to new life with Christ, set your sights on the realities of heaven, where Christ sits in the place of honor at God’s right hand. Think about the things of heaven, not the things of earth. For you died to this life, and your real life is hidden with Christ in God. And when Christ, who is your life, is revealed to the whole world, you will share in all his glory. Colossians 3:1-4

Of Planks and Beams

I wasn’t going to go out to the prayer shed today…..it was gray and a bit chilly and I just ran out of propane in my little heater yesterday, so I lit a candle in the living room. But it wasn’t the same. The light in the sky drew me out anyway, that’s a sacred part of the day and I hate missing it.

It wasn’t really that cold once I got out there, so I grabbed my coffee, lit my little lantern and settled in my chair.

It felt right…….I need the separateness of my “closet.”

I thought about the conversation I was going to have soon. It is inevitable. I thought about all the ways it could go, what I will say, working it all out in my mind. It’s always so hard when it’s someone you love. But it’s for love’s sake that I must have it.

I will trust the Holy Spirit with my words. He speaks way better than I ever could.

I opened my Bible and it fell to the part where Jesus is talking about beams and specks and sawdust depending on which translation you read, and He’s not talking about construction. So today, I am working on my beam…..the one that gets lodged in my own eye from time to time. I am making sure it’s cleared out before I start looking for specks somewhere else.

I will post about Haiti tomorrow, but this was fighting its way out and it had to come first.

Until then, Jesus and I will be working on my beam together.

“Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.” Matthew 7:3-5

What 53 has taught me

I don’t know much, but it’s hard not to pick up a few things by the time you live to see 50, if you are paying attention that is. Regretfully, I have spent too much of life not paying attention, but a few things have stuck along the way. I have been blessed by many people who have nurtured them into my life so I can’t take full credit, I am just bringing the list to life…..The list is partial, and I hope I never stop adding to it.

Make sure the people you share your life with are never ever lonely in their own home. It happens a lot.

Don’t burden your child with talk of bills and finances and not having enough money, let them be a kid with kid worries.

Know that you can never change someones heart, only God can do that.

Surround yourself with people who are positive and know how to find humor in every situation.

Find time to do silly kid things, no matter how old you are. Roll down a hill, blow bubbles, eat fake food with your kids or grandkids…..pretend. I dare you to skip in public.

Sometimes in relationships, little by little one person ends up carrying the whole load. Every now and then, evaluate things…..find out if they are crushed under a burden they were never meant to carry. Take your part of the load back before it’s too late.

If you see someone doing something right, with their kids, with their husband or wife, or friend or neighbor…..let them know you notice.

Spend time alone with God first thing in the morning, even if it’s only for a few minutes. Those few minutes will make the rest go further.

Teach your children to be a nature lover, to listen for bird calls, see the brilliance of sunsets, to watch for the moonrise. To see each day as a miracle. That will help keep them grounded all through their life…….and hopefully, it will help introduce them to God.

Don’t bother attending a church unless you feel the presence of the Holy Spirit there.

Always remember that anger is a choice. You can restrain yourself in other places, such as work or school or in public, so you can hold that temper at home too.

Laying in bed staring at the ceiling makes the mind spin, putting your face to the pillow is better for blocking things out.

Live with an attitude of gratitude. Look for the things to be grateful for, they are all around you.

Teach your child to be kind to animals, it will follow through with people.

Life is hard……but without God life is impossible.

Blessings to you today, and peace. I hope you enjoyed my list. Feel free to add to it in your comments. I look forward to reading them.

For this reason I kneel before the Father, from whom every family in heaven and on earth derives its name. I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God. Ephesians 3:14-19

in Just-spring

By E. E. Cummings 1894–1962

in Just-

spring when the world is mud-

luscious the little

lame balloonman

whistles far and wee

and eddieandbill come

running from marbles and

piracies and it’s

spring

when the world is puddle-wonderful

the queer

old balloonman whistles

far and wee

and bettyandisbel come dancing

from hop-scotch and jump-rope and

it’s

spring

and

the

goat-footed

balloonMan whistles

far

and

wee

When I first heard this poem by ee cummings I was so struck by the imagery of it, I never forgot it. I don’t remember what class I was sitting in or what teacher it was that made it come alive when they read it aloud but I do remember feeling like he got it just right.

I remember walking home from school in February or March after a cold spring rain, walking through puddles and seeing daffodils and tulips bowing under the weight of the water, and then how vibrant and alive the world turned when the sun came out. Each time, I would remember this poem, and the little lame balloon man. In my mind I could see him part walking, part listing from side to side with his big bunch of balloons for sale.

Good poetry, like good art or good music wakes us up, stuns us with the beauty of the world. That’s because it is God inspired. Great music….great art…..great poetry or writing, has the power to lift us beyond ourselves. If it is truly good, it makes us better.

It’s why people gasp and fall silent when they first see a true Masterpiece in an art gallery. Like nature, it wiggles you down to the core……takes your breath away and makes the world stop for just a moment.

Because just for an instant you almost believe you’ve found God’s pulse.

What it means to work as “Unto the Lord”

Whatever may be your task, work at it heartily (from the soul), as [something done] for the Lord and not for men……Colossians 3:23

I just have to brag on my best friend a little bit here. I known her for 24 years now and for as long as I have known her, she has put her heart and soul into every job, every task she undertakes. She doesn’t just “do a job” she changes the environment where she works for the better. She gets involved. Sometimes she has to pull back because she actually gets too involved in the lives of the people she works with and for. She gives herself away until it hurts. She refuses to stay on the sidelines.

She doesn’t just “do her job and go home.”

She confessed with tears glistening in her eyes just the other night that she doesn’t tell me everything about what she observes from the children she picks up, and what she hears. Some of it is heartbreaking, the things she sees. She takes their burdens as her own. She talks to the kids not at the kids. She doesn’t let them get by with disrespecting her, each other, or themselves.

And as you can see by this letter, they love her for it. And because they know she cares, they confide in her which is sometimes a mixed blessing.

Her co-workers know that all they have to do to find her is listen for the laughter that follows her wherever she goes. Finding the humor in any given situation is something many people do not know how to do and it is the one thing she has been able to do throughout her life, which has not always been easy.

Even one of the parents confessed, “I want you to know, you are the topic of many of our dinner conversations.” The kids tell their parents the lessons they have learned on Miss Elaine’s bus that day. She rewards good behavior and doesn’t overlook bad behavior, but more than that, she seeks to understand why they are acting up and she makes them think about what they are doing and why they are doing it.

And when Miss Elaine has to stop the bus, they know she means business. She is part counselor, part friend, part taskmaster, part teacher……and I have no doubt that she would put her own life on the line if it meant saving those kids.

It has been a hard two years for her, being a full-time caretaker for her Mom, and in many ways she says, “This job saved my life.”

And sometimes, at just the right time, God rewards your hard work and dedication and it pays off in a big way. Sometimes, you get assurance that you are doing it right.

****side note: she is fond of calling her kids her little brussel sprouts, maybe this little girl couldn’t remember that. I love how she picked another vegetable****

God’s Greatest Gift

I confess I have always been a sucker for Valentine’s Day. When I was a kid I loved sweets more than anything else in the world. I could be bought easily with candy or cookies……Well, some things never change, I guess. I can still remember my Aunt Lois running up the driveway with a special box just for me. She would never stay long, but I looked forward to what she brought every year.

And I especially loved it in grade school. I remember making those big white envelopes we would decorate and hang on our desks; then we would all file around and drop a card or maybe two in each one. The teachers always made sure the distribution was fair and no one was shortchanged.

It remains a special day for me, even though I get irritated by the endless hawking and intimidation on the part of jewelry stores. I hate to think such a sweet sentimental day has been reduced to diamonds and other expensive gifts.

I have never been known to refuse chocolate however, especially when it comes to a “certain retailer”….Ahem…. in which I have memorized every candy by its shape……Ahem…..in which I think I may have waiting on the table tonight. I hope.

I hang my head in shame as I confess that I have never had to actually cut into one to find out what it is, I already know. Years of consumption and practice.

Setting aside everything else about the day though, one thing is true:

The biggest Valentine any one of us will ever get came from God Himself in the form of Jesus. We were in His heart from the very beginning.

God is love. Not only does He act in love, He simply IS love. So I guess you could say this day really belongs to Him.

Everything in our universe responds to love. Animals have a tremendous capacity to show and demonstrate their love and devotion to us. I am touched every day by how my cats love me, how they wait for my car to pull up in the drive, how they wait for me to settle in my chair so they can be wherever I am.

Trees, flowers, everything in nature responds to care and nuturing.Without it they die. Without it, we die too.

Our world was created and is sustained by a loving God. It keeps turning because of His limitless capacity for love and mercy. And in turn, when we love like He does? We have the power to throw a spotlight on what can be a very dark place for some.

So if you don’t get diamonds or chocolate or flowers today?

Remember God’s great gift. A Father giving a Son, and a Son who gives Himself willingly…….

God gives nothing but the best.

Happy Valentine’s Day from me to you.

Wearing ashes on my heart

I love the idea of getting “Ashed” for Ash Wednesday. I wish my protestant church would start doing it. I guess I could find a Catholic church on my break, but I probably won’t. If I were really honest I would have to say a bit of me would be embarrassed to wear that smudge all day. I am afraid people would be coming up to me all day saying I had something on my face. I guess that means I need to wear them more than anyone.

I am not going to give up anything specific, but I am going continue to try leaving more and more of myself at the foot of the cross.

I will willfully try not to be a ball of anxiety most of the time. At any given time, my left eye will start to twitch…..that is a sure sign that I need to improve in this area. As Elaine tells the kids on her bus over and over again, anger is a choice, so is anxiety.

I will continue to stumble along the Way carrying my own small cross to calvary. I will fail and I will fall, and when I get there I will leave things at its foot and then turn around and snatch them back up again. But I will most definitely keep on going, with my eyes on the hope of the empty tomb.

I have recently started reading the Bible through in a year. I am using the YouVersion on my IPhone, Old Testiment/New Testament plan. So far I like reading both side by side for the contrast. I am wading through Exodus…..endless sacrifices, endless rules, endless geneologies. I find myself skimming through it and yet I know it is all there for a reason. I am comforted by the human element in all the stories.

I love when Moses tries to get out of going to fetch back the Israelites from Egypt….I love the exchanges between He and God, how he tries to wear God down, and how God in his infinite love and mercy, finally gives Moses a concession by allowing Aaron to be his spokesman.

And then in Matthew, when Jesus tells Peter that He will be killed there and Peter recoils in horror. The thing that struck me about that was Peter was so focused on Jesus’ death that He doesn’t even take note of the fact that Jesus also said that in three days He will rise.

Just like all of us, focusing on the ashes of death, the big negative and completely skipping over positive, the happy ending to the story.

The Resurrection hope that belongs to us all.

Keep your ashes close today, wherever you wear them.

Blessings and peace to you today, Lori

Thankfulness and the poop of life

For the first 15 minutes of prayer this morning my mind just zoomed like those little cars going around a toy racetrack. I remember my Dad and brother snapping those tracks together on Christmas morning, and I can still hear the sound of those little cars that never went quite fast enough without jumping off the little grooves.

After two years of being out in the elements in our Arizona room….yes, it has walls, but they are not made to keep out the cold or heat….Elaine moved herself back into her bedroom on Saturday.

It was a big victory and it surprised me how much better it made me feel. I think I needed it to happen as much as she did. And now that she is back inside, she marvels how she did it out there so long. In the summer she literally slept on ice packs. It was more bearable in winter, but the noise of the freeway kept her awake many nights.

The heating and cooling bill will go down now, since we aren’t keeping that door wide open. I just have to get my cat used to the fact that he doesn’t have free access now, that he has to use the cat door and go around. He made it known he wasn’t happy with that plan this morning by pooping right in the middle of the floor. He may not be able to speak but he can communicate in other ways.

It’s an apt reminder to me that in the midst of daily life, there is always some form of poop to deal with right along with the good stuff. We just have to handle it right.

I realized this morning that I haven’t participated in Ann’s One Thousand Gifts count for a long time. I have kept counting in my heart but not here, so today I measure out my gratitude once again. It won’t ever be enough for a God who has given us everything, but it’s a start.

#957 Elaine having a place of peace, a refuge once more, being able to get a good night’s rest again.

#958 Having the house smell good again. Elaine’s Mom, as most Alzheimer’s patients didn’t like to bathe and it was a battle every time.

#959 No more chinese fire drill at mealtimes, let the reader understand how difficult mealtimes are with Alzheimer’s patients.

#960 Leaving without worrying what Joyce might do at the house to endanger herself.

#961 Being able to make a noise in the kitchen again without her coming out distressed, Alzheimer’s patients find sudden noise disturbing.

#962 Being able to leave mail out again in the open without it being opened or moved.

#963 Knowing she is safe and getting good food in her new place.

#964 That Elaine can work again without the stress of having another full-time job at home.

#965 Being able to go on a vacation or weekend away again, both of us at once.

I pause unbelievingly as I realize we are on the cusp of Lent once again. I head there bringing my tears and my heart on His altar, thankful He no longer requires a living animal, but also knowing that it’s even harder to place my whole heart there. And that’s saying a lot coming from someone who doesn’t even like stepping on ants.

I leave you with two truths today to ponder………

Sometimes a veil of tears allows us to see God clearer. He is near to the brokenhearted.

Sometimes God is the only one Big enough to hold us. He has promised never to leave or forsake us.

Somebody is waiting

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. Romans 15:13

Last night I wanted to go home, fast. It was a stressful day and I had things to do before I went to bed. I thought of checking on our resident Intel cat, Mrs. Howell, but my feet were going fast forward toward my car. The sunset was unfolding in a myriad of colors and along with the scattered clouds it was a stop and stare moment.

I threw my backpack and carry all bag in their prospective spots in the adjacent seat and sat down and drew a deep breath. I made it. Another day done. But then I thought of how the weather was changing, and how cold Mrs. Howell might get, and I couldn’t take not knowing if her food dish was empty or not.

I drove over to the neighboring building and went inside and then out again……out the doors that led to the back patio where she resides. She met me in her usual spot, unsure at first whether I was a friend or foe. When she figured out it was me, she ran to her dish and started eating…..she loves for us to watch her eat. Then she was meowing, and purring, and rubbing her head and drooling on my feet.

I was treated to a marvelous light show in the sky and I thought, I needed this, just this little space at the end of my tough day.

Sometimes it makes you feel better knowing you’re needed, even if only by a little critter.

I made sure her bowls were topped off and then I went to leave and she tried to trip me as she usually does by scissoring in and out of my feet. Then she meowed and grabbed my ankle……her little way of trying to get me to stay longer. She followed me all the way up to the door of the building which was very unusual. She is usually too timid to get that close.

I told her I would see her later. When I left she was sitting dejected by the door looking through. Not for the first time I thought, all over the world, people……animals……children……orphans…….are peering through the glass, through doors, through windows, through bars.

Waiting for someone to come.

Waiting for someone to be their Jesus.

Lori's Prayer Closet

"And when you pray, go into your room, close the door and pray to your Father, who is unseen. Then your Father, who sees what is done is secret, will reward you……"Matthew 6:6