Walking with God

Shining Through

“I am grateful that despite everything, a lone bird singing at dawn can still move me to tears. The sight of a crescent moon in a sapphire sky can still take my breath away……”
I was feeling emotional this morning. A dear friend lost their cat early yesterday morning. She lifted her head and meowed once and then layed down as if she were asleep and that was it. It’s funny how the death of a pet can let loose all the emotions that have been stuffed down for everything else. It’s like you feel again, everyone you have ever lost before. Death is just so unnatural.
A bird sang alone as I opened the door to leave this morning at around 5:20. It brought me to tears. I have often written about how I feel that birds are little harbingers of hope given to us by God….to remind us that life is always, always worth it. So when I heard it sing this morning in light of all that has been happening, and Allie dying, and changes at work, I was reminded again. God is the glorious backdrop of everything else.
And though I feel the joy of the Lord burning inside me when I think of all the wonderful things He has done for me and continues to do, the challenge remains. How to get that joy to spring forth so that it spills over onto others. Lately I haven’t recognized the person I am at work.
How do you shed the light of Jesus when you’re at a place you are not excited about being? In general, I am very excited about being here on the earth, about what God is doing in my life. But then I get to work and I feel more like a wet blanket. I see the person I should be at work, and the person I am, and I feel the gulf between them. Too many times, I keep my light hidden at work. I feel like a firefly beating around in that bushel Jesus was talking about.
We all have bushels in life, what’s yours?
The challenge remains, how to get the light that is inside my heart out to others?
The place of prayer is the place I go when I can’t find the answers, there, and in the wisdom of the Word that brings life…..I hope something is shining through even when I can’t see it myself.
How do you let your light shine in challenging times?
“In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven.” Matthew 5:16
You are missed, Allie! Thank you for the joy and comfort you brought in your six years of life…..

Twenty five years down the road……..

Facebook find #1

I met her at Jazzercise and we formed an instant connection. We loved working out, buying all the latest workout togs at the local dance store. We watched movies together and she and her husband attended church….the same church I went to. They had their problems, like any couple. They had an adorable little baby boy and moved into a nice home. It seemed they had a charmed life. She was a bridesmaid at my wedding and we had a great time selecting dresses and doing all the fun stuff that goes along with it.
After my husband passed away unexpectedly, we parted ways a bit. Maybe she didn’t know what to say to me and  maybe I should have tried harder to approach her. Maybe my tragedy made her uncomfortable. I still saw her at Jazzercise, where she brought her new little girl, Jordan. She had golden ringlets and huge blue eyes. A perfect child for a perfect couple, in a perfect life. Things were no longer the same between us.
I found her again on Facebook just yesterday. I didn’t “friend” her, I think some friendships are best left in the past. She is divorced and both she and her husband are remarried from what I could see. Her little girl is no longer innocent. Her profile page was loaded with a few shall I say, very colorful expressions. Nothing about God. Nothing about church. But she is beautiful, and my old friend still looks great too. But it saddened me. I know that with divorce comes sadness, pain. And we were close once.
A second Facebook find…….
Her Dad did my husband’s memorial service. He was a wonderful and kind man, with a great sense of humor. I attended the church where he was a Pastor shortly before moving from California. I will never forget how often he used to stop by my folks house to see me after Jody died. He was softspoken and often emotional, a very sensitive man. He was not the best preacher but nobody cared, the love he and his wife had for the Lord shone through in their love for others. They had two daughters, and later, twin sons. Shortly before I moved, the daughter got married to a great guy, a youth Pastor. She borrowed my wedding veil which I was overjoyed to let her use.
Flash forward to now…….She is still married to the same man all these years later, and they have two or three kids. On the FB news feed I saw that her husband, Rick just finished another missions trip to Africa, where I guess they have been several times. When I read of her life, I was happy for her parents, because I know they don’t have to worry about her life. She and her husband belong to the Lord. On her profile there was nothing you couldn’t show anyone, including her parents. Things like camping, coffeeshops, scrapbooking, and no swear words.
Two lives, two reactions. One of sadness, one of joy and hope.
I know what I got was at best an incomplete snapshot of what is really going on……but I think it told me a lot. Only time will tell how it plays out for any of us, but with God’s grace we do the best we can. We know who waits for us at the end of the road….
“Watch your life and doctrine closely. Persevere in them, because if you do, you will save both yourself and your hearers.” 1 Timothy 4:16

Happy Birthday Mom!

My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place,
when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
Your eyes saw my unformed body;
all the days ordained for me were written in your book
before one of them came to be.
Psalm 139:15,16
Today you will be getting up early as you do every morning, at 6 AM, your mind already on others, and how many lawn chairs you can fit into the living room for your friends. On this, your second gathering in two weeks. You will be fretting about the rain, but no matter, there will be so much light and laughter in that room you won’t need any.
Your nativity is still up because you have been too busy to take it down, but as you said, Jesus is still here, so why not leave Him up? You will light the lights on the mantle, have a fire in the fireplace and everyone will tell you how warm and inviting it is.
Eighty two years ago today God made a wonderful person and I can’t begin to tell you how glad I am that you were born. Your life is a celebration of our Savior, and you are the person I always want to grow up to be. You know where your strength comes from….You walk with God……You live your life for others, and in return the Lord has blessed you tremendously……I celebrate you today!
For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well. 13,14

You are the rock, the glue, the backbone…….our world spins because of you Mom!
I will see you soon…….Love, your daughter.

Its all about Grace……

“For by grace you have been saved through faith; and that not of yourselves, it is the gift of God; not as a result of works, so that no one may boast.” Ephesians 2:8,9

What I keep noticing as I read through the Bible is that thread of grace that runs like a river all the way through it. I have only done this once before, read it all the way through. I am reading slowly, wading through the current carefully, taking my time. I stalled out trying to pick one of the sophisticated plans online. There are so many to choose from…….You Version, Logos, Daily Bible…..God knows me so well, that my indecision renders me useless at times. The Spirit breathed into my heart……”Just pick it up and read from cover to cover.” So that is what I’m doing.

I have reached the story of Jacob and Esau, where Jacob cheated Esau out of his rightful birthright. I think in my own mind, I am wondering why God would continue to bless Jacob and choose him as the heir, especially after what he did to Esau. But when I study further, I find that Esau had many character flaws as well. And Jacob did not get off scot-free. Here is what it says in the notes to my study Bible:

Jacob the trickster gets his due. After pulling off the ruse, he has to run for his life and spends 20 years in exile with his Uncle. Uncle Laban then gives Jacob a dose of his own medicine by planting an unwanted sister in his wedding bed and by repeatedly changing his wages as head shepherd……This reads a bit like a TV reality show.

When I read all these stories, I am deeply affected by how God uses us despite our many failures, flaws and imperfections. It’s all about Grace…..unmerited favor. None of us deserves what God has done for us through Jesus Christ, but He did it anyway. That’s how much He wants to have a relationship with us……

My Father, how thankful I am that you are always active in “good works” towards me. I can never repay your goodness to me. And all that you ask is that I not tire of doing what’s right, no matter how unresponsive the heart of some whom you’ve called me to serve. Only You can give me strength and courage today, because You know where the way is rugged. Fix my sights on the coming harvest of joy! David Hazard…….”Early Will I Seek You”……40 days in the company of Augustine.

Ashes to ashes……

Yet even now, says the Lord,
Return to me with all your heart,
With fasting, with weeping, and with mourning;
Rend your hearts and not your clothing.

Today I will wear ashes not on my forehead, but I will be wearing them on my heart. I wasn’t raised in the tradition of ashes, in fact I can’t remember ever seeing someone wearing ashes on Ash Wednesday. My own denomination didn’t do that, but sometimes I wish they had. This morning though, I realized something about myself when I was meditating on everything this season means. I was thinking of my habits. How much do they control me, my little rituals?

I am one of those people who love the little things. By the time I get up, my coffee is done. I would never buy one without an auto-setup. That first cup is eagerly anticipated, coveted. It gets me up  in the morning…..And my books, my piles of books. I have them organized, the ones I am reading now in a stack by the bed, and the ones next on the list on another pile in my bookshelf. I am riddled with habits, rituals.

When did they start controlling me? How easily could I let them go? Lent starts all these questions for many people. What should I give up? I tend to want to control that too. I am going about it all wrong just in the question itself. “What should I give up?” As if it is my decision!…..I am worse off than I thought.

I realized it is an open heart He wants. A pliable, yielding heart……one He can work with.

Return to the Lord, your God,for he is gracious and merciful,


slow to anger, and abounding in steadfast love,


and relents from punishing.

It saddens me that we don’t see people wearing ashes anymore. It seems we are too cool for that. I hear the lament all the time, “Nothing is sacred anymore.” It does seem to be true. We used to close businesses on Sundays. Then we stopped selling alcohol on Sundays. Then it was changed to selling it after noon. When nothing is sacred anymore, everyone loses.

I admire Chick-fil-a for sticking to their guns and remaining closed. I am glad they are so successful. They understand that when you do things God’s way, you will be blessed. And even if you are not, you did what you knew to be right.

Today I will be wearing ashes on my heart, the ones God put there. I will try my best to keep it open and soft…..and to release all those little things I hold so dear.

Which type are you?

The wind blows wherever it pleases. You hear its sound, but you cannot tell where it comes from or where it is going. So it is with everyone born of the Spirit.” John 3:8

Today I am continuing my thoughts and reflections from John 3. Yesterday I came to rest on this section of verse 8: “you cannot tell where it comes from or where it is going. So it is with everyone born of the Spirit.” I stopped……. It seems that Jesus is saying here that I have to be ready at a moments notice to go where He sends, where He leads. This verse was somewhat convicting to me…….I am not crazy about spontaneity, I only like planned change, when I decide!


I am a person who likes to dig in, settle down, burrow in, put down roots. I don’t like uprooting, moving, or picking up stakes. I lived in my hometown for the first 30 years of my life. Then I moved to two different states…..but I wasn’t crazy about it. I did it for work. I am a long term person, I was at my first job for 14 years, and the one I have presently for 15. If I were a vegetable I think I would be a potato, very comfortable and secure in my warm happy place until final harvest. It takes a lot to make me move!
 
When I was a kid, whenever we would come across a dandelion that had gone to seed we just had to blow it. That is just what we did. We didn’t have all the sophisticated games we have now so we had to invent our own. The challenge was to not leave one seed attached left after just one puff…….I was thinking how this relates to God and me and John 3:8. The Holy Spirit, working in me will blow those seeds onto whomever I am rooted next to. Sometimes He needs to help me along by a powerful gust, and sometimes He needs to do something drastic and rip me out by the roots and blow me another direction. This can be a very painful process……and yet, I can see why it is necessary.
 
The truth is, God needs both kinds of people, movers and shakers, and those who like to stay put. He is able to work equally well with both types of personalities. Sometimes I beat myself up for not being more willing to move, to go where He sends, and I am sure others beat themselves up for not being more stable, for always bolting at the next opportunity. He works patiently with each of us, in all of our glorious individuality moving us this way and that.

I think the key is to be open…….to listen with an open heart, to hear and obey when He speaks. To be ready. And He won’t hate me if I don’t, He will lovingly keep prodding me along.

I think a good writing project would be to describe what kind of vegetable you are and why?

Settling into His will

Be on your guard [constantly alert], and watch and pray; for you do not know when the time will come. Mark 13:33

If you have ever missed a plane or a train, you know how disappointing it feels. Commuter trains are especially fast. In the two minutes it took to buy the paper I just had to have, the train left me in the dust.

Ever feel like there is some big definitive thing God wants you to do and you either haven’t figured it out yet or He hasn’t informed you what it is? If you grew up in church like me, you probably heard that “God has a plan for your life” a hundred or so times. Well, He does have a plan. He wants you to know Him and He wants you to walk hand in hand with Him for rest of your life, all the way into eternity. End of story.

Once we have done that, He will lead us in the other big decisions of life…….”in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.” Proverbs 3:6

We don’t have to feel that God’s plan is on a train and we just missed it. His timing is perfect and as long as I am praying and seeking His will, I can rest in the fact that He will lead me in the right direction. God is extremely creative! If I miss an opportunity, He will supply another one. He is extremely patient. He doesn’t hold His plan above our heads waiting to see if we can figure it out, it is all mapped out perfectly in His Word!

The challenge is resting confidently in His will as we begin to live it out.  These promises are ours to help us on the way…….

“This is what the LORD says— your Redeemer, the Holy One of Israel: “I am the LORD your God, who teaches you what is best for you, who directs you in the way you should go.” Isaiah 48:17

“In their hearts humans plan their course, but the LORD establishes their steps.” Proverbs 16:9

“I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you with my loving eye on you.” Psalm 32:8

photo from google images

The Phantom Christian

“So I find this law at work: Although I want to do good, evil is right there with me. For in my inner being I delight in God’s law;  but I see another law at work in me, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within me.” Romans 7:21-23

Bob George introduces a concept in his book, “Classic Christianity”, that intrigued me, and I immediately recognized what he describes as the Phantom Christian syndrome. It is that image we all have in our head of the person we think God expects us to be. What we expect ourselves to be. You know the one…..the one that never fails to get up early for morning devotions, is at church every time the doors open, volunteers their time sacrificially every weekend, leads Bible studies, never blows up, excels at work and has everyone in rapt attention by their wonderfully interesting devotions around the table at dinner.

The way he describes it is really quite ridiculous, and he means it to be. Do we really think God will love us more if we do all these things? Sometimes I confess I do. I even do it with blogging. Sometimes I think you will love me more if I can just manage to capture those perfect and illustrious posts that I see in my head. The ones that always come out clear and evoke beautiful thoughts and emotions. But the truth is, that is not what God wants any of us to do. He just wants me to be the very best me I can be, expressing in my own words the things He wants me to say. Just like you.

Sometimes it helps to know that others are struggling just like we are, especially those we don’t expect, like the Apostle Paul. When I was at my Mom’s Bible study last week, a lady I greatly admire for her faith and boldness in talking to people about the Lord said that she is a bit upset at the way God not only allowed but actually orchestrated the tragic events in Job’s life. I was surprised, and I admit also a bit comforted by her confession.

It all comes full circle back to Christ. He is the only one who can give us the power and the victory to be the person He wants us to be. The one we are becoming. He sees us as we will be…….And He loves us right now where we stand. He sees the million small decisions we make to be better, to not blow up, to pray more, turn our eyes to Him when we see a beautiful full moon, and thank Him.
“The sting of death is sin, and the power of sin is the law.  But thanks be to God! He gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ.” 1 Corinthians 15:56, 57

photo by Jon Luty http://www.publicdomainpictures.net/

Loved and Accepted…..

Love becomes practically meaningless apart from acceptance…….Bob George, “Classic Christianity”

I recently picked up a book that someone had left at my Mom’s house. In it the author poses a question to his son, who had recently been going through some difficult situations. His son was quick to tell him that he had never doubted his father’s love for him, expressed in many different ways over the years. Though this pleased the father very much, he says he felt like there was something unfinished. He says that God put the thought in his head to ask the question, “Have you always known that I accept you?”  His son asked him what he meant by that. His father said this:

“I mean, there is a difference between love and acceptance. You say you’re confident that I love you, but acceptance is something else. Do you know for example, that I accept you just like you are? That I really like you?”

The son goes on to say that, no, he really didn’t felt accepted even though he knew he was loved. He went on to say that he felt that his Dad would have liked him to be more spiritual, be more involved in Christian activities like he was, read his Bible more, or maybe went into full-time Christian work. This one exchange had the power to change their relationship forever.

How many times do we do the same thing to God. We feel loved by Him but do we feel accepted? I had to answer honestly that many times I do not. I have this unrealistic picture in my head of all the things I feel God wants me to do, and all I can seem to see is how many times I fail. How many times I don’t measure up to what I think God wants me to be, to do?

But the truth is, God accepts us and loves us just as we are. This should release a well-spring of joy inside us that people should be able to readily see. Until we really get that, we are a lamp partially dimmed, throwing out half light upon a world that needs full strength. So many times we walk around with an unrealistic picture in our own head that we will never be able to measure up to.

Walk through that door today, and feel His ocean of acceptance……..He has lived a perfect life, the one we never could live. He died and rose again so that we could walk in newness of life. We don’t have to try to be perfect anymore.

He does want us to mature and grow, but never believe for one second that He will only accept you if you reach a certain level and not until then.

Prayer for today: Help me God, to stop giving You my shabby religion and give you my whole accepted self. Amen

Enough will never be enough

Since I am on the road today, I selected a post from the archives, enjoy!

Wish I had written this….

We thirst for something far greater than this world can satisfy. So we are always disappointed. Always. But disappointment is itself a gift. Disappointment drives our search for life. We go from one false promise to another, gobbling up things and people in great gulps only to find them go tasteless too soon. And that is the secret of contentment.

It’s when we discover that enough will never be enough that we can finally stop kicking and scratching our way through life, put it all down, and let God be the point of the compass for us. Then we are ready to link arms with the rest of the human race as partners in the great enterprise of life. Then we realize not only the insufficiency of the other on whom we have put the burden of our emotional satisfaction, but of ourselves as well. Because neither we nor they are God, we can finally be gentle with one another.

From Called to Question: A Spiritual Memoir by Joan Chittister (Sheed & Ward, 2004).

“You have made us for yourself, O Lord, and our heart is restless until it rests in you.” Augustine