Walking with God

Free Indeed

“So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed.” John 8:36
 
Today I got to enjoy something not everybody does.
In fact, many people in the world could only dream of what I got to do. 
I got to get up free from fear.
I didn’t have to worry about someone taking my life.
Or the life of someone I care about.
 
And last night as I went to sleep,
I didn’t have to fear someone coming in and taking what was mine,
or harming those I love.
I got to sleep in safety and security.
 
I got to get in my car and enjoy knowing it would start.
Because I have a job that allows me to take care of it.
Put gas in it.
 
And I got to drive to work.
Many people now don’t have that luxury,
that freedom.
 
And I got to do all these things feeling good.
Not sick.
Some people have to work sick or in pain
because they are afraid they will lose
their jobs if they don’t go in.
 
Then next week, I will get on a plane
and fly away to see family.
 
When some people have so many responsibilies
they can’t ever take time off.
 
But the biggest thing I am grateful for,
that is, next to living in this great country…….
 
is the freedom that Jesus gives me each and every day.
The freedom that He bought for me
with His very own life…….in light of that great fact,
 
there is always something to be grateful for.
 
“Sin is no longer your master, for you no longer live under the requirements of the law. Instead, you live under the freedom of God’s grace.” Romans 6:1

A day in the life…..

Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful!
For those of you who have been keeping up with this blog, you know the situation with Elaine’s Mom. Each day comes with its own challenges and the heat provides another. And when I work, there is always a story to come home to, last night was no exception. Since the heat has set in, the challenge has been to keep Joyce inside after around 11. The outside swing as been her safe place, but now with the barometer climbing to 110 in the shade, it is far too hot. Yet now her mind doesn’t make the connection that it is too hot.
For some strange reason, she has no inclination to go out when it is bearable in the morning, so Elaine kindly reminds her that if she wants to go out, she has to go in the morning.  Now anytime after noon, there is  a wooden board across it,  complete with sign……”Too hot to sit outside.”
This makes her Mom angry as you might expect.
Yesterday she was more disoriented than usual. In the morning she asked if she could have coffee. Later, she asked how many brothers and sisters she had. After Elaine told her 9, she then asked how many were left. Elaine told her, “3” and her Mom started crying. She then wanted to talk to her sister, Faye, who has been gone for about 6 years. When Elaine told her she had passed away, she cried again.
This went on for about an hour or more. Joyce kept wanting to talk to Faye. Ten minutes later she would ask again. So finally in desperation, she said, “Okay, I will call her.” So she called her other sister Shirley in Texas who also has Alzheimers’s.
They talked about the same thing for an hour. Needless to say it was a very interesting conversation. They talked about a Nephew that hanged himself and how sad it was that a young kid would get to so desperate as to do such a thing. That young kid was 55, and no telling how long ago this happened.
When I got home, I got the recap.
And yet…….God is faithful. So far we have mostly kept our sanity and sense of humor. I truly don’t know how Elaine does it, being with her 24/7…..and yet, I do, I really do.
Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves <sup class="crossreference" value="(AA)”>with compassion, kindness, humility, <sup class="crossreference" value="(AB)”>gentleness and patience. Bear with each other <sup class="crossreference" value="(AD)”>and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, <sup class="crossreference" value="(AF)”>which binds them all together in perfect unity. Colossians 3: 12-14

Living on the Edge

I look at the clock…..3:10 AM. I lay back down, my heart wonders whether to pick up its beat, but I breathe deep and it settles back down…..Not time to get up yet. I know I won’t go back to sleep, but it is enough that I can lay here for awhile longer. I don’t pray, I just turn over. When the small hand approaches four and the big one nears 12 I hit the button before it has a chance to go off.

I turn my phone over face up to check for messages first thing. With folks in their eighties living in another state, you never know….I fear the message, the voice mail….”We took Dad to Urgent Care last night…..or Mom fell.” Give us a call when you get up. But there are none. Thank you, Lord.

Not for the first time I panic. How much longer will I have them, and what will my life look like when they are gone? I see a gaping hole where they once were, bigger than life. Always there. “You don’t have to worry,” my Mom always says, “the Lord is taking care of us.” But I do. How can I not?

I hear the morning traffic already churning up for the commute. They sound angry today. I hear a crotch rocket tearing down the road and the sound cuts through my head like a buzz saw. Coffee……oh, I need coffee.

I pull onto the freeway and join the morning communion mass. At 5:00 AM it is not nearly full force yet, but it is working itself up to a fever pitch that will reach its peak around 7 o’ clock. I am thankful it is not too bad yet, at this hour.

Help me, Lord……just for today. Just for this 12 hours. I am living on the edge and I never did like the edge. It is stressful at this new place at work. Our little group was thrown in with the big dogs and the heat is being turning up. I think of Daniel in the lions den, Shadrach Meshach and Abednego in the fiery furnace and I know my little stress is really nothing. But it feels big.

I approach my exit and start to turn off the freeway when I notice a truck trying to speed up and get there before me. “Not so fast buddy,” I think. This little yellow bug may look like something Tweety bird would drive, but it has some get up and go……it has a killer overdrive, it floats over 80 mph.

Maybe he feels on the edge this morning too.

About that time, I hear my Dad’s voice in my head say….”Everybody wants to be a Nascar driver now” and he’s right. But you kind of have to or they will run right over you.

As I pull into the Intel site, I notice a truck ahead of me. It has DVLMAN on the licence plate. Does that stand for Devilman? And why would you put that on your plate?

I guess maybe  for the same reason I put my Jesus sticker on my back window. You have to align yourself with someone. I am just really glad I am aligning myself with Jesus not that other guy.

It is a battle in the parking lot as well, everyone jockeying for the few covered spaces. I didn’t get one today.

I turn the car off and enjoy the few moments of quiet before I go in. And  once more, I thank the Lord for being here with me on the edge. I imagine that He’s sitting beside me. I feel His arm go around my shoulders as He looks at me sideways and smiles, and I know this promise is true.

For God has said, “I will never fail you. I will never abandon you.” Hebrews 13:5

When writing heals what is broken

“Mine is the sunlight, mine is the morning
Born of the one light, Eden saw play
Praise with elation, praise every morning
God’s recreation of the new day”
Morning has broken, Cat Stevens
Sometimes God does something that we really don’t expect. Well, usually He does.  And yesterday, I hinted at that something. It was something that was broken off me……and it was supernatural. It was an out and out healing, I really wouldn’t know what else to call it. I wrote a story recently, well God wrote it, actually. And I guess it was a kind of catharsis, because ever since it was posted, the anger that I have been wrestling with has left.
I remember the morning after I sent it, I awoke at 2:00 and it was there. The black presence. I was fighting with it in the dark. I was doing combat. And I was upset because I was robbed of precious sleep. In two more hours the alarm would go off.
It was a person I was mad at. And it was justified, because my friend was hurt because of it. You could say it was a righteous anger. But it was anger all the same. And I recognized it as a tangible thing inside me, building and brewing inside me since all these events of the past few years or so.
It was the anger that leapt up like a fire in me…….when a shirt wouldn’t come off the hanger, when someone pulled in front of me, little irrational things that caused it to flare. And I was never that way before.
That dark morning I prayed just I had other mornings, but that morning I fell asleep hard, and when I awoke that anger had packed its bags and left. God swept that demon out clean. 
I know it was the story.
I compare it to the other morning long ago when I got up and I suddenly knew my mind was healed of anorexia. I sat down and ate……with no guilt at all. That thing inside that held me captive was gone and I knew it.
And there was such joy at the kitchen table that day, my Mom and Dad and I all cried as I told them about a healing dream I had. That morning they got their daughter back from the grip of death.
I remember I ate scrambled eggs, usually a forbidden food.
I know it was the story. I gave it to Him and He did something wonderful with it.
This is powerful confirmation that Dawn is coming.
Once again He has reminded me in a powerful way, that whatever you or I are going through right now, its temporary, Hallelujah.
Tremble and do not sin;
when you are on your beds,
search your hearts and be silent.
Offer the sacrifices of the righteous
and trust in the Lord.
In peace I will lie down and sleep,
for you alone, Lord,
make me dwell in safety.
Psalm 4:4,5, and 8



The Lord will hear…….

But know that the Lord has set apart for Himself him who is godly;
The Lord will hear when I call to Him.
Psalm 4:3

I pulled out of the driveway a bit late for church. I was thinking that I might miss the music, and that was okay. Certain days, it’s all I want to hear, and other days I would be content to just sit in the silence for awhile. Just to be in church…..

As I sped along the freeway another thought came. What if, instead of doing church, I went and passed out bottled water to the homeless. Went to serve in the foodbank. Went to the rest home and spent the church hour sitting with him. Praying with him. It was a radical thought. That’s what made me think it might be a God thought.

Instead, I felt my tires go the familiar groove, the safe way. Into the doors I went, into the safety of the church. It’s what I need, I thought. This is how I get ready for the rest of the week. This is what keeps me going all week.

And I was glad I went. But at service’s end, I found myself going the back way home. The way that passed the rest home where he was, Curtis, my best friend’s Dad. He has wreaked such havoc over the last few years, well, longer than that. And though he provided for the family, he was an absent father.

Now everyone is absent from his life, well just about everyone.

Though the choices that have led to this result at the end of his life have been his, it makes it no less tragic how he has ended up.

As I drove past, I felt God whisper for me to pull in. And He might have said that I should go in the room, too. But I wrestled with that, and put it aside.

What if he’s in a grouchy mood, what if he’s just gotten his lunch, he stops eating if someone is there…..what if there is a mess all over and soiled clothes piled high in the hamper, like there has been before. The smell reached all the way down the hall. Sometimes he refuses to let the aides pick up his laundry.

I think of him how he looks now. So frail, so weak, a shadow of the man he was before.

I pulled into a space and my swirling thoughts quieted down like snow at the bottom of a snowglobe.

I bowed my head, and prayed for him right there in the parking lot. For his life, for the rest of his life, however much is left. For him to remember what he heard in church all his younger years, he and his sister, still vibrant and full of life at 88. She chose the better path, the path of faith, of life. Of Jesus.

I pray for a miracle before the end.

Then, like that while feather that floated from the sky in Forrest Gump, I realized that a miracle had happened, the anger I had before was gone. It had left like a wisp of smoke and I hadn’t realized it before then,  and I know just when it happened.

Be angry, and do not sin.
Meditate within your heart on your bed, and be still. Selah
Offer the sacrifices of righteousness,
And put your trust in the Lord
Psalm 4:4,5

Tomorrow, I will write more…..until then I join with the gratitude community and with the ones who are unwrapping his promises.

Okra reaching for the sky, how my story touched some hearts, and how I made some new friends, completed projects and a clean shop, friends across the miles who text, another chips and salsa timeout yesterday, freedom to gather together in worship one more Sunday, a new friend for my brother, my nieces Mom who takes Lauryn everywhere with her and doesn’t leave her behind, and facebook for keeping in touch. #933-943

The Joy of Being Found

But Jesus often withdrew to lonely places and prayed. Luke 5:16
Sometimes, when I am in a forest, I like to hide behind a tree and remember what it was like to play hide and seek. The excitement of being found………The years fall away and I hear someone say, “I found you!” We all want the joy of being found, that is, by someone we want to be found by.
Today, try being a kid just for a few minutes. Play a game of hide and seek with someone. For those of you without kids it may be a challenge, but you can do it. Let the adult world fall away for just a moment……
Rediscover the wonder of the world. Hide behind a door and close your eyes. Listen to what’s going on around you, the sounds of your home. And if there is silence, breathe it in and imagine being found. Count to 50 and hear the voice you had as a child, or remember the voice of a childhood friend, brother, sister, cousin.
Then imagine being found by God.
Imagine, He seeks us. All day, everyday. Just like he met Adam and Even in the cool of the evening. He wants us to find Him, and He’s not hiding behind a tree, He’s closer than you can imagine:
From one man he created all the nations throughout the whole earth. He decided beforehand when they should rise and fall, and he determined their boundaries.“His purpose was for the nations to seek after God and perhaps feel their way toward him and find him—though he is not far from any one of us. For in him we live and move and exist. As some of your own poets have said, ‘We are his offspring.’ Acts 17:

My niece loves hide and seek now. Sometimes she forgets the rules, she wants you to hide over and over again, and it doesn’t matter, to her and to me, it’s the joy of the game.
 
I hope I never get so caught up in rules that I lose sight of what God wants me to know. That He loves me, and He loves being found by me, always.
 

Everyday Miracles

By your words I can see where I’m going, they throw a beam of light on my dark path. I’ve committed myself and I’ll never turn back from living by your righteous order. Everything’s falling apart on me, God, put me together again with your Word…….Psalm 119:105-107 The Message
I went out to pray at first light…….my coffee and communion, I call it. My favorite part of the day. But I felt somewhat flat, like someone blew out my insides with a straw. But I was okay with that. I have learned not to trust how I feel so much, but to trust God instead. So I waited in the quiet.
Sometimes, in order to get the miracle, you have to go through the obedience part first. It’s kind of like exercise really. I know the more I think about it, the less likely I will do it. But I have an expectation that when I go out, put on the shoes, turn up my Ipod, start walking, I will feel better.
So, still feeling a bit hollow, I did just that. I cranked up the music and felt the air push through my lungs. My feet picked up the pace, hearing the words Casting Crowns were singing…..”Jesus can you show me just how far the east is from the west, cause I can’t bear to see the man I’ve been, keep rising up in me again……in the arms of your mercy I find rest.
And I thought of miracles, and how God has been with me through it all, been with my family, my friends. I can talk of miracles, all right…..and big ones. Like when my Dad was in a prayer meeting and the Holy Spirit wouldn’t let him rest until he went home, and that’s when the phone rang and he got the terrible awful news……
And another time, when my Mom and Dad were in prayer for my sister-in-law who was dying of cancer, praying on their knees in the bedroom, when a snow white dove came to rest on the window sill and it never left, the whole time they were praying. They never saw it again. And she has been with Jesus 14 years now.
And as I pick up my pace even more. I feel it. The miracle…….life pumping into my heart, my soul. The Spirit leaping joy within me as I hear Chris Tomlin sing about how water was turned into wine and He opened the eyes of the blind. And right then, He was opening my eyes too. Faster, and faster I walked, and now ran a bit too.
Our God is greater our God is stronger, God you are higher than any other……There’s no one like You……None like You.
The daily miracle is this, that every day He opens our blind eyes.
The Spirit was bursting joy inside me now.
And then Francesca Battistelli sang……Savior I come, quiet my soul…..remember. Your blood was spilled for my ransom, everything I once held dear, I count it all as loss….Lead me to the Cross where your love poured out. This is it. The everyday miracle that is ours as believers.
I looked up to see a dove with a branch in her mouth and I thought of Noah, waiting for land. This is our inheritance, our history. This right to expect from God is ours every day and that is a miracle in itself!
By the time my walk was over, I didn’t want it to end, so I walked a bit further and thought again of my former Pastor and what he used to say. It’s Jesus plus nothing.
Jesus plus nothing. That is the pure and simple truth. He is everything and in all and through all. I listened as the next song came on. Don’t know how it is you looked at me, and saw the person that I could be…..awakening my heart, breaking through the dark, suddenly Your grace……
Like sunlight burning at midnight, making my life something so beautiful beautiful, mercy reaching to save me…..And as I finished my walk, run…..I was filled to the brim in the knowledge that Jesus is indeed, everything.
He is my Lord, my God, my husband, me being part of the church, my savior, my friend, my all in all. Everything starts and ends with Him.
And it’s all an everyday miracle. Please join me and some special friends, Ann and Duane on their sites to celebrate our faith and count His blessings on a Monday.
Walking and praying with God in the morning, a new job opportunity for Elaine’s nephew and family, being revived in the Spirit, a new garden springing to life, fresh tomatoes on the counter, communion with the Saints yesterday, the joy of seeing life spring from Your word, staying sane, (just barely) dealing someone on a daily basis with a mental illness, projects that keep hands busy and mind neutral, a few days off after a tough week, and last but not least.
I am thankful today for those who continue to risk their lives for our Freedoms which we hold so dear. Keep them safe in Your hands, Lord. #911-921


Songs I listened to today:

Francesca Battistelli: Lead me to the cross, Beautiful Beautiful
Casting Crowns: East to West
Chris Tomlin: Our God
Matt Redman: You Never Let Go

Joy in the Morning

Your mercy, O Lord, is in the heavens;
Your faithfulness reaches to the clouds.

Your righteousness is like the great mountains;
Your judgments are a great deep;

O Lord, You preserve man and beast.
How precious is Your lovingkindness, O God!

Therefore the children of men put their trust under the shadow of Your wings.
They are abundantly satisfied with the fullness of Your house,
And You give them drink from the river of Your pleasures.

For with You is the fountain of life;
In Your light we see light.
Psalm 36:5-9

In our shoes

In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. He was with God in the beginning. Through him all things were made; without him nothing was made that has been made. In him was life, and that life was the light of all mankind. The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it……..

That Word had a name and His name was……is……Jesus. That same eternal Word at one point became flesh and dwelt among us, left His perfect world so He could walk for awhile in our shoes…..On our shores.

There is so much mystery in this that we can scarcely contain it. But we believe it, and somehow it all makes perfect sense. And once again we are walking Jesus last steps on this earth as we remember what He did for us. Once again, we try to grasp  what it must have been like to be there in person. To listen to those words, hear the crowds, feel the same dust between my toes that He did.

I put myself in the disciples place and know within my heart of hearts that I would have scattered too. I would have watched dumbfounded and horror-stricken in the garden as my best friend, one who knew me inside and out, more than anyone ever had was led away like a common criminal. Knowing I did nothing to stop it because I was frozen in place by fear.

With the newfound knowledge still pulsing in my veins, singing through my soul……remembering how He broke the bread, how I felt the burning in my heart, the knowledge that here was God in the same room with me, with us. Still feeling that as the torchlight retreated and the garden was swallowed in darkness.

As night closed around us, we had no idea that Easter was only two days away.

Today and everyday we remember with Gratitude that our Easter did happen. Each and every day, we feel it again as we rise to new life in Him.

Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy……1 Peter 1:8

Knowing that my one little life is of immense importance to Him……..He cared so much about you and I that He would die the worst of deaths and suffer separation from His own Father…….Knowing that no matter what, I never have to be alone again…….He prays for me even now before our Father in Heaven……I have been pardoned and am free from condemnation……..Knowing that everything I do interests Him…….I have the freedom to read my Bible and attend church without fear……When we talk about the word, Heaven is opened He writes it down…….He is preparing a place even now…….and though so many things we see and experience may not be fair, one the day He shows up, all will be made right in an instant. #856-866

In the Stillness

Therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, put on tender mercies, kindness, humility, meekness, long suffering;  bearing with one another, and forgiving one another, if anyone has a complaint against another; even as Christ forgave you, so you also must do. But above all these things put on love, which is the bond of perfection.  And let the peace of God rule in your hearts, to which also you were called in one body; and be thankful. Colossians 3:12-15

My prayers this morning were little more than breathing in and out. Some words came, I went down my usual list of those loved ones weighing heavy on my heart. And then as I remembered that sometimes it is okay to just be quiet and listen…..a curious thing happened.

I heard.

I heard the dove song and behind that, the freeway loading up with the morning commute. Another bird of a different kind further away. I retreated further into myself and listened for what the Holy Spirit might be praying for me. He does you know……when we can’t find the words of our own.

I picked up my old Living Bible that I had picked up off the bookshelf on the way outside. It was mine first, then my Mom’s. She carried it out  to me on the day I moved away from her, from my hometown….tears streaming down. Even now, the memory hurts because the years have flown by way too fast. I hold it to my chest, I hug it like I am holding her too.

I see my words, and hers on the front flap. Co-mingled together……Our thoughts of God married together on those pages.

My breathing slows and I meditate on the Lord and how He heals us, draws us together.

I whisper His language…..the one He gave to me, and in between the silent pauses where Heaven and earth connect……We connect, and He tells me again, that it will be okay.

Isn’t it wonderful to know that by thanking Him, we honor Him? And not only that, thanking Him does something supernatural to our heart and soul. It sifts out all the worry and fear and stress, replaces it with joy and peace. It reminds us that God is still and always in control.

846-856

A good appointment at the Doctor for Elaine and her Mom, he saw the situation as it really was, and took time with them. It was like an SOS call that was answered.

First week at new building at work and it wasn’t as stressful as I thought it would be.

Good weather holding out……knowing that soon it will be too hot to go outside for very long.

Good memories made from the trip to California.

School time again for those parents and caregivers who need a break.

New Easter flag flying, bright against the sky.

As we get ready to celebrate the week of Passion once again, we know that really, each sunrise we celebrate Easter all over again.

Found rings, which I looked all over for in a panic yesterday, they turned up in the back pocket of my jeans which I had look through three times already!

Pictures that turn out, most of the time by accident and the fact that I have a really good camera.

Lunch after church……always a special time of the week.