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| “God is not really silent, we are deaf.” St Theresa of Avila
“The whole of our faith is the belief that God loves us; I mean there isn’t anything else. Anything else we say we believe is just a way of saying that God loves us. Any proposition, any article of faith, is only an expression of faith if it is a way of saying that God loves us….Herbert McCabe, British Theologian We need only look to the cross to see proof of that love…… We have knowledge of that love because of what He has already demonstrated. Since He loves us, we must assume that He wants to hear from us! There is one requirement that will ensure that God will always answer our prayers and Jesus demonstrated it perfectly. More than anything, God desires an open and honest heart. I like the fact that He encourages simple prayers…..I have great comfort in the fact that I can tell Him absolutely everything, and he loves it when I use my own words…… “And when you pray, do not keep on babbling like pagans, for they think they will be heard because of their many words.” Matthew 6:7 I love that God honored the humble prayer of the tax collector….. “But the tax collector stood at a distance and dared not even lift his eyes to heaven as he prayed. Instead, he beat his chest in sorrow, saying, ‘O God, be merciful to me, for I am a sinner.’ Luke 18:13 I also love that God hears my silent prayers in those times when words fail. I just let Him read my heart with His Spirit in the quiet moments found here and there.  |
Reflection
Grandma’s House
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| 501 South Lee…… |
I got a text from my brother last night, it said: “Did you see my email about Grandma’s house?” I knew immediately that it was up for sale. Last time I was back home it looked just like this picture, pretty rough around the edges.
I always nursed the hidden whisper of a thought close to my heart that when this house went up for sale, it would be my sign to move back to California. I always had a dream to move back in and make it look just like when my Grandpa was alive……You see, when he died of cancer, my Grandmother pulled out every tree, starting with the tree roses that lined the driveway. It must have been her own way of grieving……Imagine two beautiful silver furs nestled in perfect green lawn, tree roses in every color marching along the driveway to the right, and a full garden in back, complete with grape trellis and two cherry trees. And there were always morning glories and hydrangeas.
My brother still calls it Grandma’s house too. He remembers spending time in that yard with Grandpa. So many memories attached to this place……. All the family dinners we had there! The voices roll through my mind like waves when I see these pictures….This was my other home, my second safe place, a place where I was always welcome, secure.
When my Grandmother went to the nursing home, it impacted me greatly, more than I probably knew at the time. I was twenty one and I had taken the reigns of my life back from God and was failing miserably. In the throes of anorexia, I would walk and walk and no one knew where I went. It was here that I came. My Grandmother was no longer there, but all her stuff still was. I would let myself in the door and surround myself with her. We all dealt with our loss differently I guess. I stuffed mine down deep inside.
God knows all about loss…….But I never gave Him the chance to bring me through that one. If I had, He could have taught me how to bring that loss to Him and be healed. Instead, I left Him outside and tried to deal with things alone, which never works.
As Robert Frost said, “way leads on to way…….”life does that.
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| I can see my books resting on these shelves, can’t believe they didn’t paint over the knotty pine! |
Circumstances being what they are, I can’t buy the house. I shed a few tears this morning, letting something go that never really was mine anyway, and it’s okay. I can give this to God too. It was fun to think about when it wasn’t a reality. Now that the reality is here, I know that the timing is not right. If that was where God wanted me, I would be there now. I have learned one thing in life and that is this: home is ultimately where He is, and He is everywhere I go.
I am glad for one thing, whoever owned it must have loved it. Though the outside looks rough, the inside has been taken care of. They even kept my Grandmother’s old stove. I will pray that whoever buys it will keep loving it and senses that once upon a time, love rested there.
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| Grandma’s kitchen where she used to make her homemade kuchen. |
What about you, ever had an emotional attachment to a place? Do you now? I would love to hear about it.
“But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.” Matthew 6:33
Resurrection in the Desert
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| Everyone needs beauty as well as bread, places to play in and pray in, where Nature may heal and cheer and give strength to body and soul alike…..John Muir
September breathes new life into the desert. It is our time of resurrection. Too long hidden under the hum of unnatural air, trapped inside four walls. September finds us able to walk outside, able to take a complete breath of air that is not oppressive heat. The animals feel the joy and relief of it too, as evidenced by their morning frolics, they step a bit lighter along with us. This is a joy that only those who dare to live in this harsh environment can fully know and appreciate. Ours is an Autumn of resurrection, new beginnings. Annuals appear, bold swatches of color that could never survive the summer, this is a fall of a different kind. No swirling leaves of red yellow or brown, now we have roses. Though I ache for those leaves that I once knew to mark my own special Advent…..I feel it in my heart just the same. I recognize God’s hand in it and that is, after all, the miracle of Advent. I feel His birth, death and resurrection each time I step outside my door these past few mornings……It is sweet relief. And such thankfulness at this grace…..that I can share this message of the One behind it all. I pray today for everyone who has yet to know you Lord. I pray that I might be a humble instrument to be used by You for that solitary purpose. Help me to be a guide, a small gateway to You; to help them see that they only have to look aside for one moment, to stop and focus on one thing, one aspect of nature and be still in it, and see You in it. I pray that they might see that Your thoughts are already turned toward them. All it would take is one misstep in the dance of our planets and we would be no more……that is reason enough to believe. Amen ……..since what may be known about God is plain to them, because God has made it plain to them. For since the creation of the world God’s invisible qualities—his eternal power and divine nature—have been clearly seen, being understood from what has been made, so that men are without excuse. Romans 1:19,20 |
Continuing to number my praises today with Ann and company……#461 the sweet breath of open windows once again…..#462 morning prayer free of heat…..#463 the sweet fellowship of other believers…..#464 a once more reasonable electric bill…..#465 the magic of fall however it comes……#466 yellow butterfly outside the window just now….#467 the anticipation of holidays and pumpkin pie…..#468 good neighbors….#469 health to enjoy all this….#470 sending prayers down the river that reaches Heaven….#471 eating outdoors again! #472 not having to water as much…….
Finding God in the Desert
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| Peace in the midst of thorns |
Take a walk, a drive, if you dare, pass the golf greens and the shopping malls, the Walmarts and the Kohls, the Starbucks and the trendy restaurants and you will find something wild and untamed, the desert. But tread carefully with your eyes peeled. Be aware that this is not your home, it is theirs. This is a place where you must pay attention, for it is merciless. But approach and you will find a beauty you didn’t expect, but only if you turn your senses up.
There are no bright lights here, no big colorful signs that attract. But if you look closely you will find a desperate beauty that will touch your soul, remind you that even in the midst of a dry thirsty land there is life. The desert speaks to us of death, of what we fear, but it also speaks of courage, of survival. Of a big God.
Go to the edge and look in if you must, but I invite you to take a few steps beyond. You will find God there if you are looking, in the plaintive cry of the quail, the circling shadow of the hawk, the impossibly bright bloom amongst the plant of thorns; the lizard as he scrambles across the rocks, lifting his belly up and down to cool himself. The always industrious cactus wren, impervious to the heat, flitting here and there, always with a job to do.
Hear the unexpected voice of God in an afternoon thunderstorm……..and then afterward lift your eyes to the heavens as He paints the sky in sherbet. Stay beyond sunset and hear the silence of the desert that is like no other…..as the relentless heat has a bit of mercy and reluctantly loosens its grip. Wait, and you will see the sky fill up with His diamonds, try to imagine what He has named them.
In my silence, I can hear Jeremiah’s lament as he longs for his desert lodging place to flee to……
John the Baptist, crying across the desert wind, preparing the way for the Lord….
Hosea speaking tenderly to Israel there….
And I can see Jesus, walking resolute and strong, as the Holy Spirit carries Him out to His own battle in the desert…..
From a hole in a towering saquaro the face of an owl appears. Joining the crickets evening song, he beckons all who have hid in their dens and holes away from the merciless sun to come out. Stay longer and you will hear the coyotes come out to play, their howls echoing, their wildness touching the edge of our civility, two worlds colliding.
I wonder how we ever thought we could tame the desert?
I wrote this after my morning walk yesterday when I saw the dove nesting in the cactus. I was reminded of all the many times this desert’s beauty has astounded me with its many paradoxes, like the dove resting among the thorns. God has surprised me with this part of His creation, and reminds me that beauty is everwhere if we keep our minds open. The desert will leave its mark on me forever, wherever I go. It has worked its way right into my heart along with the Sierra Nevada and the Pacific Ocean I love so much…..
Scripture readings: Jeremiah 9:2, John 1:23, Hosea 2:14, Luke 4:1
Prayer belongs less to time than to eternity…..Thomas Merton
Good News for anyone with a need….
“And He came to Nazareth, where He had been brought up; and as was His custom, He entered the synagogue on the Sabbath and stood up to read. And the book of the prophet Isaiah was handed to Him. And He opened the book and found the place where it was written….” Luke 4:17
“The Spirit of the Lord is upon me, because has anointed me to preach the good news to the poor. He has sent me to proclaim freedom for the prisoners and recovery of sight to the blind, to release the oppressed, to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor……
Notably, he stopped before He finished the entire verse which ends with …..and the day of vengeance of our God, to comfort all who mourn. Isaiah 61:1,2
Why did He stop there? Because it wasn’t the time for judgment yet, it was the time for open arms reconciliation for a people who desperately needed God’s love and forgiveness. Although Jesus said that time would surely come, His first coming was to draw us close, back into the loving arms of God.
“Then he rolled up the scroll, gave it back to the attendant and sat down. The eyes of everyone in the synagogue were fastened on him, and he began by saying to them, “Today this scripture is fulfilled in your hearing.” Luke 4:20,21
I can imagine the stirring and rustling, nervous clearing of throats. They knew Jesus, they knew His family, they knew what they expected of the future Messiah and this wasn’t it. It was a huge stumbling block that they just couldn’t get around, even though they were amazed at His authoritative teaching. This was not good news for them. Jesus kicked the gate wide open for everyone to be able to receive salvation. They thought God’s favor was for themselves alone.
Jesus knew those words spoken in His hometown synagogue would be inflammatory, but He had to speak them anyway. Ever feel led by the Holy Spirit to say something that you knew would cause an unfavorable reaction?
He further incites them when He insinuates that it was because of their hard hearts that they refused to see who was standing right in front of them…..Their Messiah had come, but their own pride refused to let them believe it. “All the people in the synagogue were furious when they heard this. They got up, drove Him out of the town, and took Him to the brow of the hill on which the town was built, in order to throw Him down the cliff. But He walked right through the crowd and went on His way.” Luke 4:28,29
There are many people right up to the present day who refuse to accept who Jesus really was, but the fact is, Jesus is God. Not only that, He is the only way to Heaven. He is God with arms of grace, extended for all who call upon His name. He wants to draw us close. He longs for it more than we can ever know, and all we have to do is reach out and take it. But to some people this is not good news. This kind of thinking is not popular in our politically correct, inclusive world. If we tell people this we will be labeled narrow minded, bigoted, backwards, simple-minded and archaic. If that is true, then I guess Jesus is all those things too!
The greatest tragedy is that some will miss out on God’s grace and forgiveness only because of the barriers in their own minds and hearts. Jesus removes walls. He removed them then and He removes them now. When He was on this earth, He systematically removed every single barrier the religious system of the day had set up. He took time for anyone with a need. He sat with sinners, the unclean, the broken, the sick, even with the ones who thought they had it all figured out.
He wants to draw you close today. Do you have a need? He stands ready to meet it, whatever it may be…..
I continue the counting of blessings today…..that I can recognize the mark of God in all these moments, #451 encouraging words from other bloggers, #452 the grasp of a hand across a table, #453 prayers that I know are heard, #454 the life in His words, #455 the kindness of strangers, #456 sunrise of pastels that change with each second, #457 the busy cactus wren outside my window, #458 talk of God between friends, #459 music that brings us to the throne #460 all who find rest from their labor today….
Meditating on His Love
“Therefore I am now going to allure her;
I will lead her into the desert
and speak tenderly to her.
There I will give her back her vineyards,
and will make the Valley of Achor a door of hope.
There she will sing as in the days of her youth,
as in the day she came up out of Egypt.
“In that day,” declares the LORD,
“you will call me ‘my husband’;
you will no longer call me ‘my master.
Hosea 2:14-16
This is how much He loves us!
Why is it always easier to anticipate God’s wrath than to perceive God’s joy? Ever expecting to be shot, we’re invariably dumbfounded by a grace we can’t conceive. Belden C. Lane, The Solace of Fierce Landscapes
Kind of like finding water in the desert……
Who has measured the waters in the hollow of his hand,
or with the breadth of his hand marked off the heavens?
Who has held the dust of the earth in a basket,
or weighed the mountains on the scales
and the hills in a balance.
Isaiah 40:12
Sometimes you don’t need very many words at all, you just need to sit quietly and and find His love in the stillness of little moments throughout the day….and always, remember to listen to the birds no matter what.
My favorite Bible
I have several Bibles, but there is one that is my favorite. I call it “Big Red.” I purchased it as a special edition they had available at church after I attended a “Walk thru the Prophets” seminar back in 1980. When I first got it, I had just re-committed my life to Christ and so I clung to it as a life preserver, devouring its pages. I thought it was the most beautiful Bible I had ever seen. The gilding on the side had a magical sheen to it and I loved the way it looked as the lamplight hit it. I drank it in like the bread of life that it is.
It has many pages of notes taken from many different sermons, Bible studies, and thoughts of my own thrown in. I can page through them and see a bit of my personal history, and it warms me to see all that God has done through the years. I see the year our choir performed Handel’s Messiah and my brother gave his life to the Lord, gallantly striding up the aisle in his white shirt, a grown man looking purposeful and humble all at the same time. Thoughts I wrote that same morning sitting out in my parent’s yard on Easter, just before the sun came up. I can still feel the peaceful beauty of that morning like a cloak wrapped around me.
I see a bit of my church history also, which is rather colorful. There are notes from churches I attended in my hometown of Lodi California, Sacramento, Woodbridge, and Chandler and Mesa, Arizona.
It started out Burgundy red leather, and rather stiff, but now it is faded and supple. I had to glue the spine back together awhile back, and time has dulled the luster of gold from the edges. The words within, however, burn brighter than ever. They have not faded, but only become more brilliant with time.
There were also seasons in my life when it collected dust, I thought my own wisdom was better.
There are yellow highlights all the way through it, although much more in some places than others, and there are places where tears of both sorrow and joy have spilled onto the pages. Everyone who touches it touches a part of me. The words in it have comforted me more times than I can count and it comes along to my “closet” when I pray. It is my faithful companion.
Bibles have always played a special part in many family histories. My Mom has my Grandfather’s German Bible, and I have my Mom’s special one, which used to be mine. Remember “The Way” version that came out in the seventies? My best friend has her Grandmother’s and Grandfather’s and I also have my late husband’s Bible that he got from an old girlfriend!
My Grandmother thought that all Bibles had to be black (or white for Baptism) and she only recognized the King James version.
How about you? Do you have a favorite? What has it meant to you? I would love to hear about it!
“Thy word is a lamp to my feet and a light for my path.” Psalm 119:105
Starting the Day Right
PSALM 143:8-10
Let the morning bring me Word
of your unfailing love,
for I have put my trust in you.
Show me the way I should go,
for to you I lift up my soul.
Rescue me from my enemies, O Lord,
for I hide myself in you.
Teach me to do your will,
for you are my God;
may your good Spirit
lead me on levelground.
I started the day the only safe way to start it….By rolling out of bed, placing my forehead to the carpet and uttering a prayer….first for strength, then a thank you for another day on the earth….for my health, for the miracle of being able to start again. All over the world, others are waking too. Some with prayers, some with curses, some with a combination of both.
Really, I start the day with an advantage. An advantage of weakness. A knowledge that I can’t do this on my own. When I am off work, I don’t start off nearly this needy. But I should, since I have no guarantee of what may happen on any given day only that You walk beside me.
So I gave my day over, and whatever happens. God is in it. And it will be good because He is with me.
The most wonderful moment of the day is that when creation in it’s innocence asks permission to “be” once again, as it did on the first morning that ever was. Thomas Merton
Merry-Go-Rounds and Roads
Looff Carousel 1911, Santa Cruz Boardwalk
Many summer weekends were spent at the Santa Cruz Beach Boardwalk when I was a kid in California. Disneyland had nothing on it as far as I was concerned. It was pure magic. Oh, the memories of that Boardwalk! Corn dogs, called Pronto Pups that seemed a foot high, entering the Fun house through the clown’s mouth, riding the train and anticipating when that roaring dinosaur was going to rise up from the lake, standing at the fudge shop window watching the taffy pulling machine, mesmerized as it pulled and pulled and never broke. And the beach…..
Holding it all together in the middle of that magic, the piece De resistance was the Carousel. All I had to do was hear that organ music and I was over the top. Keep in mind, I camped growing up. We didn’t stay in fancy hotels. We didn’t have the money and also, my folks thought is was important to teach us about nature. I’m so glad they did. So this Merry-Go-Round was for me, the highlight of our visit. I had my favorite horses, always the ones with head reared back, teeth bared. (I must’ve thought those went faster)
I am happy to say that my niece has inherited my love of this Merry Go Round as well. I got to go on it with her one of my trips back home and I felt the same rapturous joy as I did all those years ago. My brother even caught the ring!
What started this whole memory was that my friend and I were talking after church Sunday and I asked her if she got excited about that Merry Go Round as well, since she used to go there as a kid too. I expected her to light up with the same memory I had. “No,” she said, “I never really saw the purpose, you just go round and round and never get anywhere.” Well, yeah, there is that…..Instead, she shared a special memory of her own with me. She said one of the highlights of her childhood was when she and her brother got a quarter a-piece and went to the store and each picked out a matchbox car. Back then they came in a little box. Her job was to build the roads.
They would come home and she would build elaborate structures out of mud, complete with bridges with support beams underneath, freeways, overpasses, and tunnels. Even back then, she had the mind of an engineer. Her parents never even knew it. When she went to high school and tested extremely high in math and engineering, the counselor told her she better think of something else to do with her life, “because girls just don’t do these things.” After that she pretty much lost interest in the whole educational system.
But God doesn’t care about what some counselor says. Years later she ended up doing engineering work anyway at Intel, Corp. And she is still building things. She can visualize anything and build it, she is a project queen and should definitely have her own show on HGTV. She is a bridge builder between people, in every job she has ever had, she has been asked to be a mediator when situations needed smoothing out.
When God creates you to do a certain thing, it glorifies Him when you are doing those things!
I have always felt a compulsion to write, and I know that comes from God. That is how He created me. Sometimes I have no idea if anything I write makes sense but I still do it because I feel it’s one of the things God made me to do. Sometimes I feel my prayers go round in circles because I still see so many things in me that need changing. But as I look back at all these quiet times of prayer, I see a closeness I have with the Lord now that I didn’t have before. It is a beautiful sculpture that I can only see glimpses of, but when I close my eyes it comes into focus. I see and hear the music, the colors, the joy….and God behind it all. Sometimes life does seem like one big circle, but we can say, victoriously, this is a circle that has purpose. It has no end, and it only gets better!
Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known. And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love. 1 Corinthians 13:12,13
Prayers with no words….
Windows at St. Mary’s Church, Google Images
Forever O Lord, Thy Word is settled in Heaven……Psalm 119:89
This morning I let my prayer be silence. I meditated on everything I have prayed for before. God has them, I know it. Safe in His golden bowl, He keeps them. This morning it seemed right to just give Him a silent offering. I made a blank canvas, as blank as I could anyway, thoughts always seem to crowd in, and carved out an empty place for God to fill.
Today I rest in who He is, I meditate of His power, glory, omnipotence, love….
Sometimes you just need to see what comes back in the silence, so I made my soul as still as an empty church. Sometimes you just need to make yourself a living Psalm, fill yourself up with your need for God, your need for answers, your need to know He is listening. So today I sat in the hush of His peace, silence of no words. The mourning dove cooing on the eaves of the neighbor’s roof prayed eloquently for me today.
In meditating on His strength, I become acutely aware of my weakness and utter inability to do anything apart from Him. That is a good place to start the day.
After all, as the Psalmist says…..Forever O Lord, Thy Word is settled in Heaven……Psalm 119:89Whatever happens and however out of control you feel, God remains in control. This is a comforting thought.
Thankful today for the peace that only He can give……#411 doves gentle call, #412 prayers in silence, #413 soft music that soothes, #414 the wisdom of His word spoken through wise friends, #415 cats soft purr, #416 real hugs, #417 laughter that heals the soul, #418 much needed rain in the desert, #419 family that taught me His love, #420, the Holy Spirit who puts our soul at rest…..
