Home

Don’t miss the moment……

“Just the simple observations of a quiet morning walk can sometimes have the power to set the whole world right“….this was taken out in the back forty of my brother’s yard.
Coming home, I realize as always that I have brought them all back with me. I hear their voices still in the quiet moments of reflection. This trip was so good on so many levels. We arrived, my friend and I, on the heels of a storm, a very windy one. We blew good weather in it seems, for the whole week we were there it dawned sunny and bright……unseasonably so. It seems we brought the good weather of Arizona and they were all happy we did. 
The trip all started with a phone call. My Mom told me that my cousin had arranged for a group to attend the performance of  “In the Mood.” It started me to thinking……how often will we all be able to get together like this again, my two Aunts, my cousin, my Mom and I? My friend also needed to see her brother, it was time.
Ever have a trip that seemed God ordained? The timing was right for so many things……This trip was like a string of miracles, one after another. Every now and then a trip works out that way.
How wonderful to be heralded by a little head looking out the window in anticipation of my arrival. She was standing on the bed and as soon as she saw me she started jumping up and down.
My friend went on to Modesto, her home town, where she got to spend two wonderful days on a mostly deserted beach in Moss Landing. From her description, I felt I went there myself. It was a good time for just the two of them, and I prayed that they would get to do that together. Another answered prayer…..
And another miracle, she got to attend church with her Nephew, who has been reunited with his wife, now clean and off drugs….both of them now off the street with their six children, all of them in church and doing remarkably well. To think that so much heartache and pain could lead to this? Only God could do that……so many sleepless nights, so many tears and prayers shed for them. To be able to put all that aside and extend grace to them now, that’s Holy Spirit work!
She was also reunited with a friend of long ago, now a Christian too, and clean and sober after many years of addiction. There was much joy in their reunion, sisters now and friends again twenty years down the road….
Even little miracles happened on this trip……I wandered into Tom’s Used Books, never hoping to find a book I was looking for, since it was several years old, and there on the shelf was one copy!
I got to attend an event in my Old High School auditorium that has now been turned into a theater. I would go again in a heartbeat, it was great! Afterwards we went to my Aunt’s house where she layed out a wonderful buffet, complete with champagne. I know it would have been easy for her not to do it. My Uncle suffers from severe dementia and she is his caretaker now….but still, she created a magical evening for us. It was a precious time spend with wonderful friends and family.
One of the best memories I brought back was when my Mom, my Aunt and I sang at the piano just like we used to for so many years….we sang the old hymns together as my cousin held the flashlight, (My Uncle has broken all the lightbulbs)
All my life I have been surrounded by strong people who in spite of much hardship, have never lost the miracle of the moment. They have taught me how to slow down enough to see the magic happening all around us, all of the time……What a gift! How blessed I am to have learned that lesson from them.
photos taken with iphone

Advent…..Come Lord Jesus

When once again Christmas comes and we hear the familiar carols and sing the Christmas hymns, something happens to us, and a special kind of warmth slowly encircles us. The hardest heart is softened. We recall our own childhood. We feel again how we then felt, especially if we were separated from a mother. A kind of homesickness comes over us for past times, distant places, and yes, a blessing longing for a world without violence or hardness of heart. But there is something more–a longing for the safe lodging of the everlasting Father. And that leads our thoughts to the curse of homelessness which hangs heavily over the world.

Dietrich Bonhoeffer, December 2nd, 1928 Advent Sunday.

I thought it fitting to choose from these selections from “Christmas Sermons” by Dietrich Bonhoeffer since I don’t have much time to post. I stumbled across this book stuck in Dad’s overflowing bookshelf and thought, “What a neat little book!” Then I looked inside. Lo and behold it had my inscription on the front flap. “To Dad, Merry Christmas, 2005….Love, Lori” I had forgotten that it was from me! And now it has some of his notations and highlights. Those are always wonderful to find. I think of the time in the future when I will open it, and he won’t be here anymore. It is a reality that I must face, sooner rather than later, since he is now 83. At that time, painful as it will be, he will be celebrating a true Christmas for all eternity, waiting for me there. I can imagine him making me a bed by the fire as he did when I was growing up, getting it ready as he did for my little niece just last night.

That is what Christmas is truly about……because of Christmas we have a future in Heaven! That is our reality if we know Christ. Because of that we can join the angels in saying:

“Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace to men on whom his favor rests.” Luke 2:14

December 1st has always been a special time for me. It is somehow different than November 30th. A different feeling stirs in my soul, a place of quiet rests within, amidst all the bustle and flow of everything going on…..I always want to drag my foot to slow things down, make it last….pull the oar backwards to stop the flow of whitewater that threatens, waits around the bend.

It will be over all too soon……slow down and make it last. But after all, every day is Advent to us. What a blessing to have such an unspeakable Gift……”And in their prayers for you their hearts will go out to you, because of the surpassing grace God has given you. Thanks be to God for his indescribable gift!” 2 Corinthians 9:14,15

Grandma’s House

501 South Lee……

I got a text from my brother last night, it said: “Did you see my email about Grandma’s house?” I knew immediately that it was up for sale. Last time I was back home it looked just like this picture, pretty rough around the edges.

I always nursed the hidden whisper of a thought close to my heart that when this house went up for sale, it would be my sign to move back to California. I always had a dream to move back in and make it look just like when my Grandpa was alive……You see, when he died of cancer, my Grandmother pulled out every tree, starting with the tree roses that lined the driveway. It must have been her own way of grieving……Imagine two beautiful silver furs nestled in perfect green lawn, tree roses in every color marching along the driveway to the right, and a full garden in back, complete with grape trellis and two cherry trees. And there were always morning glories and hydrangeas.

My brother still calls it Grandma’s house too. He remembers spending time in that yard with Grandpa. So many memories attached to this place……. All the family dinners we had there!  The voices roll through my mind like waves when I see these pictures….This was my other home, my second safe place, a place where I was always welcome, secure.

When my Grandmother went to the nursing home, it impacted me greatly, more than I probably knew at the time. I was twenty one and I had taken the reigns of my life back from God and was failing miserably. In the throes of anorexia, I would walk and walk and no one knew where I went. It was here that I came. My Grandmother was no longer there, but all her stuff still was. I would let myself in the door and surround myself with her. We all dealt with our loss differently I guess. I stuffed mine down deep inside.

God knows all about loss…….But I never gave Him the chance to bring me through that one. If I had, He could have taught me how to bring that loss to Him and be healed.  Instead, I left Him outside and tried to deal with things alone, which never works.

As Robert Frost said, “way leads on to way…….”life does that.

I can see my books resting on these shelves, can’t believe they didn’t paint over the knotty pine!

Circumstances being what they are, I can’t buy the house. I shed a few tears this morning, letting something go that never really was mine anyway, and it’s okay. I can give this to God too. It was fun to think about when it wasn’t a reality. Now that the reality is here, I know that the timing is not right. If that was where God wanted me, I would be there now. I have learned one thing in life and that is this: home is ultimately where He is, and He is everywhere I go.

I am glad for one thing, whoever owned it must have loved it. Though the outside looks rough, the inside has been taken care of. They even kept my Grandmother’s old stove. I will pray that whoever buys it will keep loving it and senses that once upon a time, love rested there.

Grandma’s kitchen where she used to make her homemade kuchen.

What about you, ever had an emotional attachment to a place? Do you now? I would love to hear about it.

“But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.”  Matthew 6:33

Prayer for the Orphans

Painting by Thomas Kennington

Lord, I pray for your dear ones waiting for loving arms to surround them and for the fear and hopelessness that comes when no one arrives….Every child deserves to know that they have a place in someone’s heart, that they are worthy of love, that they don’t have to go through a hard life alone. I pray that we, your church would swallow up every last orphan, Lord until there are none left to wonder if they are loved, if they are worthy.

I pray for the courageous ones who have already stepped up, been obedient to Your word, sometimes at their own personal sacrifice. They are storing up treasure in Heaven as they care for Your own little treasures here on earth. I know Lord, that there are many different kinds of orphans and I pray for these too. These orphans of divorce, who sometimes wonder where they belong or who they belong too as they are passed back and forth from home to home to home, and I pray for the guilt that comes for all involved, and for Your healing touch for everyone in this kind of heartache today.

I pray also for those orphans who have two parents, but absent ones, indifferent ones, ones who know nothing about their own children as they run around doing everything else, but spending time with them, nurturing them, caring for them, knowing what they like to do, what little joys they hold dear.

I am humbled and so grateful Lord that I had parents who loved me and a home, a place. Everyone needs and deserves this, Lord. And remind me that to whom much is given, much is required….

“Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world. James 1:27

Go here, here and here to see some wonderful people who are making a difference.


Celebrating my praise and thanksgiving today with hopes that others can know, #442 the feelings of belonging that come with a father’s loving touch, #443 a mother’s arm around the shoulders, #444 a brother’s gentle teasing and the love that is behind it, #445 a home to run to in the rain, #446 a mother’s call for dinner, #447 knowledge that you have people behind you when life gets tough, #448 a knowledge of a Father in heaven who loves them, #449 knowing even when you are far away, that place remains in your heart, #450 knowing someone cares about what matters to you.

holy experience

The Gift of Memory


Remembering, we settle into the rocker on the front porch, the front porch of our minds, and gaze out at the view. Sorting through, we pull up the pleasant memories and settle in for awhile. The view is great, and it’s good to remember. Memory is one of God’s best gifts. Practicing selective memory we can even edit out the ones that weren’t so great and go on to the ones that were. Or if there weren’t any, we can even manufacture our own version of the past.

My friend and her brother had an interesting conversation with their Mom once. Their memory was decidedly much different than hers was. You see she worked all the time, wasn’t home, they signed their own report cards and what they heard most of the time growing up amidst the chaos was, “Get out of the house, I need to sleep!” She was saying that she made them cookies growing up. They both looked at each other incredulously, for she had never made a cookie in all their childhood. She didn’t like desserts, so they didn’t get them either. But they do remember making macaroni and cheese together in the middle of the night, that’s one memory they hold onto.

Ask yourself what your child will remember of their childhood. What sights, sounds, smells, images will take them back, and will it be good? Will they remember laughter, or stony silence? Animated dinner conversation or the crackling air of irritation, impatience, anger. Will they remember trips taken as a family with pleasure or will they associate those trips with a sense of anxiety?

The wonderful thing about all memories good, bad or indifferent, is that they can draw us closer if we let them. Even the bad times have a wonderful way of bonding us together when we have traveled down the road a bit. We just have to let them do their work.

God has a memory book called the Bible. It is His Book of Remembrance. If we keep it close we will always remember who He is and who we are. It is His way of saying, “This is what happened, and it is a part of you too, it is your heritage, filled with stories of My people and yours. Read it, live it, and it will become part of you. Most importantly, it will carry you into eternity with Me.”

Fix these words of mine in your hearts and minds; tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Deuteronomy 11:18

Not only that, the Bible is a living book, just like we are all living memories of what has come before and what will come after….

Keeping memories alive today with the counting……#401 opening tent flap disheveled to first heavenly cup of coffee, #402 a juice bar at the end of a hike, #403 rain on tent roof, #404 Mom’s hands curling my hair for picture day, #405 brother and I getting in trouble for laughing at Grandma’s table, #406 warm fronts, cold backs around campfire, #407 getting inside inner tube and rolling down Aunt’s hill, #408 something baked from scratch waiting on counter after school, #409 the sound of metal skates on cement, #410, watching Dad sketch and make a beautiful drawing from nothing…..

holy experience

A Father’s love…..

“So he got up and went to his father. “But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him.” Luke 15:20

This is such a perfect picture of God’s love for us. “While he was still a long way off….” I think of two fathers waiting. God, and the father in this parable. God has been waiting for us to come back since the beginning, and this father, ever since his son flew out the door with high hopes and full pockets. I think of a father’s broken heart. I think of him going about his daily work, with always one eye cast toward that road….I think he held out hope that someday the vision that he carried in his heart, of a lone figure walking toward home would come true.

And then it did, and that was all that mattered. It didn’t matter how long he’d been gone, or how many foolish things he had done, or even how much he’d sinned. His father didn’t make him feel worse for coming home, heap guilt on him. The son did that all by himself and the father knew it. “The son said to him, ‘Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son.” Luke 15:21
I have always had a soft spot in my heart for the other son too. The faithful one. But I wonder, was he really all that faithful? Maybe there was some hidden resentment there all along. Resentment that gave birth to full bloom anger when he saw how overjoyed the father was at his brother’s returning.

My Dad and I were talking about this just the other night when I was home…..he said something I had never thought of concerning the son that stayed. He said, “You know, that is just the attitude we have for people who come back to the church sometimes,“But he answered his father, ‘Look! All these years I’ve been slaving for you and never disobeyed your orders. Yet you never gave me even a young goat so I could celebrate with my friends.” Luke 15:29 It’s true. While God welcomes the prodigal with open arms, we sometimes are not as welcoming as we could be; we hold back just a little bit because, after all, we want to see if it is really genuine!

Thank you God, for loving us with an open arms kind of love. A God who waits…..and help me to never forget all the times you have welcomed me back without reservation.

“But as for me, I watch in hope for the LORD, I wait for God my Savior; my God will hear me. Do not gloat over me my enemy! Though I have fallen, I will rise. Though I sit in darkness, the Lord will be my light.” Micah 7:7,8

The Moving Box


I put it out by the curb, this perfectly good moving box. I tried to throw it away but I couldn’t. I took about two steps away from it and then turned and retrieved it and put it back on the shelf. If I had left it out on the curb, that would have meant I was totally committed to six more years here until my retirement. This way, I have a small hope that it will happen sooner.

Sometimes we hold onto something small because it represents something bigger.

The box represents a dream. Of moving back to my hometown. A place of permanence. No more moving. Of spending some good years with my folks before they pass on….of building a relationship with my 7 year old niece, of being a real Auntie instead of a bit player in her life. Of buying a little home with a shelf for African violets, and maybe a garden.

Around the time I thought maybe I heard the call to go back, my home was sold at an unbelievable price, right before the bottom dropped out. God sold that home, not the realtor. Then things happened that made thinking of a move more difficult. The economy took a dive. California, my home state, is now in financial ruin. Everyday I hear the reports of friends there who have lost their jobs. And my job is secure, I have great benefits.

When I started with this company I never dreamed that God would place me in the job I have now. He literally placed me here, of that I have no doubt. I have no college degree, and yet He has given me success here for fourteen years!

Even so, for about 7 years now I have felt like one of the virgins with the lamp stand, ready for the knock at the door. I thought I heard the Bridegroom coming, several times. Maybe I did, and maybe I ignored Him. I get these thoughts:
But if he got me this job, couldn’t He get me another? Is my faith too weak? Is my God too small? Has my job become my god? All these questions run around in my head and I know God is tired of them, I know I am.

I wonder, did I miss the window of opportunity? Did I get the timing wrong? Did I not recognize His voice? Does that mean that He has balled up the master plan and thrown it into the throne fire? No more chances for me? Or is there a possibility that this is all part of the plan itself and I am right where He wants me to be for now? Are you tired, because I sure am.

Softly His voice speaks to my heart, “As I was with the Israelites in the desert so am I with you. I led them with my Presence as I will continue to lead you. I love you with an everlasting love that will never cease and nothing will ever change that.”

Maybe you feel like you missed a window of opportunity. Maybe it was a big one. God was not surprised by that. He is an expert at creating new windows.

“To man belong the plans of the heart, but from the LORD comes the reply of the tongue. All a man’s ways seem innocent to him, but motives are weighed by the LORD. Commit to the LORD whatever you do, and your plans will succeed.” Proverbs 16:1-3

God cares about our dreams, and longs to give us the desires of our heart. Right now the desire of my heart, even more than my dream is Him. His ways, His path is what matters most. It is the only sure place to step. So I will keep walking, keep lighting the lamp of His word. Keep praying. He has given me tremendous peace at times when I least expected it. And He will do the same for you.

Was there ever a time when you feel like you missed His plan? Did He work it out for good anyway?

“In his heart a man plans his course, but the LORD determines his steps.” Proverbs 16:9

Facing Death with Christ


Had a post in mind today but something I read superceded everything else I was feeling and my perspective has changed, for the moment anyway. Perspectives have a way of changing on a dime, sometimes. It’s God’s way of reminding us what is really important. I could almost hear God saying, “Take that!” He threw the windows of my soul open and I could feel the stale air being replaced by the fresh air of His Spirit.

The story was called “Facing Death with Christ”, (On my way to Heaven) by Reverend Mark Ashton vicar of Saint Andrew the Great in Cambridge, England. As Author and friend Tal Brooke writes, “Mark was from the generation of Oxford men following that of John Stott and Dick Lucas, who were determined to bring back the gospel to the Church of England. Over 700 strong from Cambridge University swelled the pews of this church that occupied so critical a crossroads. It was packed everytime I went.”

In December 2008 Mark had a routine gallbladder surgery and cancer was found. It was past the point of surgical removal or any kind of treatment. He remembers telling the surgeon after he had been told the news that, “what he had just told me was, for a Christian believer, not bad news but good; it was not the end of the story, but the beginning.”

Following are some of the quotes from the article, which is very long and unfortunately I couldn’t get an online version. However, you can order the booklet here at Amazon UK.

“We all die as great sinners saved by the great grace of a far greater God. Funeral eulogies rarely present an honest picture of a person’s life. The good is magnified, the bad excluded. But when Christians are remembered as they really were: including their failures and follies, their bad moods and intolerance, their moments of harshness and unkindness, then Christ is made more glorious. For He is the one who has saved us despite our sin; who has loved us even more in their weakness.”

“While physical things spoil and go dim, spiritual things grow brighter and clearer.”

“I can now see that much of what I have striven for and much of what I have allowed to fill my life these 40 years have been of dubious value, I am not now going to gain any further reputation of achieve anything more of significance, and I realize how little that matters.”

“I need to keep short accounts now, because I may never have time to make amends or apology in this life. The Bible speaks to me about this with every great authority and relevance. Each day as I open it, God speaks straight into my heart by his Word. And it tells me what lies beyond this life, I can see the end of life. It looms over the horizon…..I know that it is God’s work and not mine that will get me there.”

It’s unfortunate that it takes something of this magnitude to make our perspective so clear, but most of the time it does.

Mark Ashton went to be with the Lord on Easter Saturday, April 3, surrounded by his family. His last words were, “I am nearly home.”

“For if the dead are not raised, then Christ has not been raised either. And if Christ has not been raised, your faith is futile; you are still in your sins. Then those also who have fallen asleep in Christ are lost. If only for this life we have hope in Christ, we are to be pitied more than all men.” 1 Corinthians 15:16-19

Keeping count in my heart today……
holy experience

The way things were…..


Is it just me or does it seem like the world is angrier these days? I asked my Mom about how things were when she grew up and she said, “Yes, the world was a much different place when I was growing up.” When she was in High School in the 1940’s they would all go miles away in carloads or by bus to the beach. Big groups of kids, boys and girls, and nobody ever had to be afraid of anything. None of the parents worried because there was no need. The girls were treated like ladies, and everybody danced with everybody, and not the way the kids dance now, real dancing.

None of the kids got drunk, nobody dreamed of committing a violent act against anyone else, and if one guy ever mistreated a girl, there were 10 other guys waiting to put him back in line.

Please and thank you were still said….doors were opened for the women, and men got up when a woman came to the table. Drugs were unheard of.

A group of young people walking on the sidewalk would never have dreamed of not yielding to an older person walking by, and high school students in my Mom’s class, in the 1940’s, would never have talked back to a teacher, let alone threatened or assaulted one.

Personally, I really miss decorum, and manners, and class. I wish children could be safe wherever they went, and if they were left out after dark, I wish we lived in a world where they could go up to any door and find someone to take them back home. It used to be that way in my parents world.

I would like to live in that kind of world. Although I would miss my IPHONE and my computer….

Things have even changed a lot since I went to school….I can almost imagine how it might have been back in those times. Growing up in small town 60’s and 70’s I got the tail end of it. A girl I knew in High School actually sang “Beautiful Savior” at an assembly and the students were respectfully attentive. Do they even have assemblies anymore? They certainly wouldn’t allow that song to be sung now!
What do you think? Do you feel like things have changed since you were a kid? For the better?

The waiting game….


“In my Father’s house are many rooms; if it were not so, I would have told you. I am going there to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am.” John 14:2,3 Jesus

To me Heaven will be like one enormous family reunion, the best one we could ever imagine, and it won’t have an end. No endings, no partings, no good-byes.
We won’t have to leave, go back to dismal jobs, go back to the old routines and rhythms of life that we have to fit ourselves back into.

Everyone will be glad to see each other and no one goes home, because we will all already be home!

A giant church supper where everyone is welcome and nobody is a stranger.

All of life is some form of waiting, forward looking.
It is the momentum of life that keeps us going….
Here in Arizona, in the heat of summer, we know about waiting.
We wait for cool breezes, relief from the merciless heat.
The time for open windows and dining al fresco instead of al fry-o!
Or we wait for the weekend,
Retirement,
Vacation,
Kids to move out.
Kids to come back….

It is good though, to pause in the waiting, to savor what is happening right now this very moment. Enjoy the process of waiting because there is beauty in that too!

But someday our wait for everything will be over and we will hear Him say, “Welcome Home……”

Is there a major life event you are waiting for right now? Maybe more than one? What is it that makes the waiting easier?

“But our citizenship is in heaven, and from it we await a Savior, the Lord Jesus Christ, who will transform our lowly body to be like his glorious body, by the power that enables him even to subject all things to himself.” Philippians 3:20-21