Holy Spirit

When resentments cloud our prayers

“An eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth cannot sustain itself forever, ultimately both parties end up blind and toothless.” Gandhi

Yesterday morning prayer time was wonderful……I went outside and instead of being greeted with stifling heat I was met with a blessedly cool 75 degrees, something that is a distant memory between the months of May through early September here. And something else I have longed for, prayers accompanied by a little sprinkling of raindrops on the roof.

Afterwards, I went to look for my patriotic flag to hang for September 11 and remembered that it was a bit weather worn and I had thrown it out. I decided I needed to fly a real flag, so off I went to Walmart at 6:30 in the morning. Not many people there then. I drove home with my precious commodity and proudly hung it out…..red white and blue……glory against the backdrop of Arizona sky.

Today’s prayer didn’t go quite so well. It was clouded by a resentful thought that I could not dislodge. It came about halfway through prayer and stuck there…..

Instead of praying about it, as I should have done, I decided to keep it for awhile…..mull it over. It started me asking questions. Those irritating whys…..Forgiveness is good and right and Godly……..yet so difficult when you have to live it out day in and day out.

How do you forgive someone when they have hurt someone you love?

When you are the caretaker for someone who has never cared for you, never treated you well, wounded you emotionally?

When you don’t have to live with them it’s easy. Out of sight, out of mind. But what if they are never out of sight? What then? It’s like reopening old wounds every day.

Living out the Christian faith is easy when it’s never tested. Our faith doesn’t grow if it’s not challenged. That’s when we grow closer to Him. When we’re tested. The challenge is proof that He loves us.

It’s our love for God that motivates us to leave behind those things in us that are not Godly. Those things in me He wants me to change. The Holy Spirit does not deserve to live in a body and mind steeped in resentment….fear….anger. It helps to remember the sacrifice.

The terrible price that was paid for us. The ultimate price.  “Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies.” 1 Corinthians 6: 19, 20

As I sat in a beautiful church service yesterday, remembering the sacrifice of all those people running into those burning buildings, and saw all the names of those who died streaming down the wall…….my eyes streamed too. Four candles lit, one for each plane down.

They paid with their lives for the evil someone else did. He paid with His life, for what He didn’t do.

“For I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.”

Could it be that sometimes God’s blessing comes from those who have been our biggest challenge in life? Could it be that He is heaping treasure in Heaven for us through this very person, these very circumstances that are the source of so much pain?

Is the very act of forgiveness the thing that will bring about the salvation for us all?

This one thing I know to be true…….God is building something eternal in us right here and now. It is something so big and so great we can scarcely imagine it. Everything we do with His help and by His power changes us forever.

Thankfulness wells up again, and again as I remember this…….

When God Speaks

I was going to write about something entirely different today, but then I read Duane Scott’s post over at Michelle’s place. I remembered something my Dad told me when I was back home this last time……As I read about what Duane so rightly calls, the hard hallelujah, 24 years fell away and I thought about my own period of deep grief and all the events that threatened to swallow my family whole.
Dad told me about the night that God spoke…….It was a Tuesday evening and he was getting ready for a prayer meeting he usually attended. Something kept holding him back. He chalked it up as laziness and continued getting ready. But there was a weight, a heaviness that seemed to be holding him back.
He went but didn’t participate in the prayer……He sat quietly in the back, trying to pray, but feeling like he wasn’t supposed to be there.
Oppressed by a darkness he couldn’t explain.
He says it was as if a strong undertow was pulling him back home. The voice, the Holy Spirit within him was growing louder and more insistent as the night wore on. “Go home and go quickly.”
It wasn’t audible, it didn’t have to be.
Right after he got home the phone rang. It was me calling from Mexico and to this day I don’t remember either calling, or the conversation. What my Dad did understand was that the man I had just married three days before had died in an accident and I was left alone…..in a country not my own.
On what was supposed to be my honeymoon…….
If my Dad had not heeded God’s voice, my Mom would have had to take that call alone. I don’t think she could have handled it.
So while the glow of the wedding was still bright and fresh, the bouquet still in bloom….while relatives had barely had time to get home, they had to come back for a memorial.
And I had to figure out what to do with a future I had all planned out.
The grief was so deep I thought I would never get out. It affected us all. God watched me mess up, veer wildly off the path at times. He watched me deal with the grief all wrong, and that must have been painful for Him to watch…..But in all that time, He never left me.
There are no words for sadness that goes so deep. I remember we all said, “How can the birds still be singing?” In all of our hard hallelujahs no words of comfort ever sound right. But now that I am so far on the other side of that grief, I can comfort others in a way someone else can’t and I know it.
But how to comfort when there are no words? The best thing can be just your presence, a hug….shared tears. A listening ear……..Stopping by after everyone else goes away.
You might ask the question, “Well, if God spoke once, why didn’t He speak another warning? Why didn’t He intervene in the big thing that happened…..Why didn’t He prevent it?”
There is an answer that comforts me, and I know it to be true. I know my God. There is a reason He didn’t intervene, but I don’t know what it is. Maybe it was because He was saving me or someone else from an even greater grief further down the road. That is what I choose to believe….it’s how I find comfort.
I didn’t always have peace about it, but I do now. All these years later, the “why” question matters less and less. Heaven is not nearly as far as we think. The joy that springs up in the heart even in the midst of unbearable sorrow is proof. For we know where they are…….

Though He didn’t keep the awful event from happening, I know He loves me more than anything, and I know He was with me every step of the way.

The death of a child is much harder for me to understand. I can’t imagine that kind of grief.

All I know is that He loves us so very much, even more than we can imagine, and He loves our loved one even more than we do.

Whoever reads this, please whisper a prayer for Duane, the grieving parents of his nephew and all the family. Thank you Duane, for such a beautiful and real post today and thank you Michelle for sharing it.

From Religion to Relationship

‘Behold, I stand at the door and knock; if anyone hears My voice and opens the door, I will come in to him and will dine with him, and he with Me. Revelation 3:20

Christianity was never about religion but relationship. Even before Christ came to earth we had God reaching down to Abraham and Sarah, before that we had God creating Adam and Eve and placing them in the garden. It is always God who makes the first move.

There is a point where we stop trying to spin all the plates and live up to what we know we never can, apart from Christ. That is where we invite Him in……..That’s where it starts. So many times I ask Him to assist me in doing what I have no business doing. God doesn’t want to assist us in anything…

He wants to live His life out in us………………Through the Holy Spirit! That’s the Aha moment of the Christian life. That is what makes it so vastly different from anything else.

I can call upon my Father at any hour of the day or night and I know He is always listening……because I’m His child. What Father wouldn’t?

This morning as I carried my coffee (His Blood) and my scone (His Body) out to my prayer room, I had communion of a different kind. Remembering what He did on the cross, that’s what communion is. This is my body, broken for you……a prayer of Thanksgiving from my heart to His.

Sometimes the elements look a bit  different, but really, isn’t it our intent He looks at?  

“But the LORD said to Samuel, “Do not look at his appearance or at the height of his stature, because I have rejected him; for God sees not as man sees, for man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart.” 1 Samuel 16:7

Jesus valued relationships above all. He put people over religion every single time. That’s what got Him in trouble with all those religious folk. Jesus broke molds right and left while He was on this earth. He not only broke them, He smashed them to bits.

He talked with women, met with sinners, ate with people from across the tracks. That’s the God I love.

And if you answer His knock, I can promise you won’t be disappointed.

photos taken in Twain Harte, California
bottom: My brother Ron and daughter Lauryn

Because He lives, life is worth it!

“Oh, that my words were recorded, that they were written on a scroll, that they were inscribed with an iron tool on lead, or engraved in rock forever! Job 19:23,24

I am continuing my reading through Job. It is slow going, but that is okay. It is tempting to skim through Job. It’s painful reading…..As I read through his life, I am starting to feel like I am watching a dear friend suffer, and it hurts. Job wasn’t just a very wealthy man with a large family, he was also well known for doing good in the community. He was actively involved in taking care of the poor, opening his home to others, sticking up for the underdog. He wasn’t satisfied to just  sit back and enjoy all of God’s blessings when he knew others were suffering and in need.

It is tempting to skip through the long winded speeches of his so called friends. I want to tell them to be quiet! But maybe I am being too hard on them. There is truth in much of what they say, I just don’t think much of it applies to poor Job. Anyway, I can learn from their words what not to do. There is a time to speak and a time to comfort in silence.

So I am going slow. I am going back when I catch myself scanning instead of reading….because every word is important.

Right after Verse 18 when Bildad winds up his speech, Job starts speaking again. And his words stun me because I always thought this verse came from Isaiah. In the midst of his excruciating suffering, the Holy Spirit speaks a beautiful prophecy spoken through the dry, split lips of suffering Job. Like manna from Heaven the words float down…….

I know that my redeemer lives,
and that in the end he will stand on the earth.
And after my skin has been destroyed,
yet in my flesh I will see God;
I myself will see him with my own eyes—I, and not another.
How my heart yearns within me!
Right there in the middle of Job……. a well known aria from the Easter portion of Handel’s Messiah! I know, I know, there are people, Biblical scholars, who say that this has nothing to do with Jesus, but I disagree…..I think that Job knew exactly who his redeemer was, and that he also knew that when his time on earth was through, that he would see the One who redeemed him. He knew like one who has been through the refining fire of suffering knows……He lives! And maybe it took the suffering for Job to know that he truly did believe….
To echo the old song that I used to sing in church…….”Because He lives, I can face tomorrow.” Because He lives, I can get up and go to a stressful job. Because He lives, every day is a gift. Because He lives, it’s all worth it! “……And life is worth the living, just because He lives!”
And lest you beat yourself up because you feel you should be leaping out of bed instead of praying face down on the carpet, remember this: “There is now no condemnation for those in Christ Jesus“…..That was one of the first verses to spill out of the CD player this morning on the way to work. I take great comfort in the fact that He doesn’t love me because I am perfect, but because I am His child!
In the end, Job got his prayer answered. The book of Job is considered one of the most beautiful literary works of all time. His words stand the test of time and eternity……

Photo by Andrea Schafthuizen, public domain pictures

Information Overload

“This is my comfort in my affliction, for Your word has given me life.” Psalm 119:50

I think it’s good to have information, but sometimes you can just reach the point where you say, enough! You can read so many opinions and so many commentaries, and so many people expounding on other people expounding, that you can get literally worn out. That how I was last week after about 2 hours of surfing Christian websites. After awhile, all the words started to swirl around in my head. It was like they were all fighting for places to attach themselves. I like what my Pastor used to say, “Don’t believe me, go and read the Bible for yourself!”

I really respected that. This was a very educated man, but he knew that the real teacher of the Word is the Holy Spirit. When you open the Bible and your heart at the same time, amazing things can happen. That evening last week I got in the car for the commute home, with my mind still swirling, and put in my Bible on CD. Driving in my car, listening to the rhythm of the road, and the rhythm of the Word, I felt the familiar warmth still the fluttering in my mind.

What I needed was the healing balm of the Word, and nothing else. It filled the cracks, made my desert soul an oasis once again.

Information and opinion are good, but nothing beats the truth of the Word. I don’t want to be like these guys……

“May we know what this new teaching is that you are presenting? You are bringing some strange ideas to our ears, and we would like to know what they mean.” (All the Athenians and the foreigners who lived there spent their time doing nothing but talking about and listening to the latest ideas.) Acts 17:19-21

On being Born Again…..

 Jesus answered, “Very truly I tell you, no one can enter the kingdom of God unless they are born of water and the Spirit. Flesh gives birth to flesh, but the Spirit gives birth to spirit. You should not be surprised at my saying, ‘You must be born again.’ The wind blows wherever it pleases. You hear its sound, but you cannot tell where it comes from or where it is going. So it is with everyone born of the Spirit.” John 3:5-8
In our culture it is somewhat acceptable to be a “Christian,” or “Religious,” or “Church-going” and it seems everyone is “Spiritual” now. But just tell someone you are “Born-Again,” and see how their expression changes. But after all, that is what Jesus said we have to do to enter His Kingdom. This term “born-again” illicits some very interesting reactions from people at times. Someone I know used to say “those born-agains.” There was some derision in the tone. I think they thought we swung from the light fixtures in church.
I can’t honestly say that I blame them, especially when I watch some of the “Christian” programming on TV, some of it really does make me cringe.
I will say that it was the best thing that has ever happened to me! And so far, I have never heard anyone say, “Oh, I wish I hadn’t done that.”
Further thoughts on John 3 tomorrow………

Fellowship with the King

 And Mary said:
“My soul glorifies the Lord
and my spirit rejoices in God my Savior,
for he has been mindful
of the humble state of his servant.”
What a great time of prayer I had this morning……..a time of precious communion with the Lord in the quiet hours. I got to watch His dawn once more, filling the sky with color. As I opened the door to see the sunrise, I scared a couple of doves that had settled on the rooftop next door, their whistling wings rustling as they took off. 
He has given me 51 years on this earth and I am grateful, more and more, for every minute He gives me. Each one is an offering to Him. Sometimes I confess the offering is frightfully meager but He accepts them anyway. He has given me a great gift, appreciation for each moment, because each one holds an opportunity to tell others what great things He wants to do for us, and what He has already done….
Thank you Father, for your precious Spirit who lives within me and every one who confesses You as Lord. I don’t deserve such a gift! You didn’t think it was beneath You to come and live in this inadequate imperfect bundle of flesh that is me!
Makes me identify a bit with Mary this morning….

“See what great love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are! The reason the world does not know us is that it did not know him.” 1 John 3:1

The Miracle after the Silence……

In the sixth month, God sent the angel Gabriel to Nazareth, a town in Galilee, to a virgin pledged to be married to a man named Joseph, a descendant of David. The virgin’s name was Mary. The angel went to her and said, “Greetings, you who are highly favored! The Lord is with you.” Luke 1:26-28

Four hundred years God has been silent……no new prophets echoing through the Temple Courts…..no help for Israel, only continual oppression from powerful nations around them. It must have seemed like the silence was mocking all their hopes for the future. How many years they had prayed, and waited for God to answer. A sign, any little flicker of hope, anything to grasp on to. And still, they heard nothing. But they read the words, they clung to belief. They held out. They held on.  A whisper of hope was all they had, and yet it was enough.

Then one day things started to happen…….Zechariah going into the temple one way, and coming out unable to speak, stunned at what he heard, saw. “Then an angel of the Lord appeared to him, standing at the right side of the altar of incense. When Zechariah saw him, he was startled and was gripped with fear. But the angel said to him: “Do not be afraid, Zechariah; your prayer has been heard. Your wife Elizabeth will bear you a son, and you are to give him the name John. He will be a joy and delight to you, and many will rejoice because of his birth,” Luke 1:11-14

He came out of the temple not able to speak, since he doubted what the Angel had said…….I wonder, in our modern reality-TV laden, overstimulated society……if Gabriel appeared would anyone notice? Would we even be able to hear him?
When you consider all these miraculous events………A virgin bearing God’s Son, a baby born filled with the Holy Spirit at birth (John), Zechariah struck dumb and they able to speak on the day of John’s birth…..is it any less of a miracle that we believe all these things and others don’t? That is what I pondered and it greatly humbled me this morning.
Mary said yes……and it cost her, Elizabeth and Zechariah said yes and it cost them, Jesus said yes and it cost Him. John the Baptist said yes, and it cost him.Yet they were also greatly rewarded. What an unspeakable gift……to be entrusted with this most precious gift, this knowledge, this truth. God’s own Spirit! The message to Mary from Gabriel is to us too, if we believe what Jesus said and have accepted Him into our lives. “Greetings, you who are highly favored! The Lord is with you.” 
He is with us!……..We have this hope……the wait is over. He has come! Whatever you are going through, I pray that today you find strength and hope in this gift that God has so freely given us. Rejoice with me today in this good news which shall be for all people! Pray, and be ready to give an answer for the hope that is in you…..so many need Him today.

Feeling Narnian Today

 “People who have not been to Narnia sometimes think that a thing cannot be good and terrible at the same time.”  Chronicles of Narnia
The Lion was coming on, always singing, with a slow, heavy pace….Though its soft pads made no noise, you could feel the earth shake beneath their weight….The children could not move. There were not even  quite sure that they wanted to. The Lion paid no attention to them…..It passed by them so close that they could have touched his mane. They were terribly afraid it would turn and look at them, yet in some queer way they wished it would. –C.S. Lewis

When Jesus went to the cross, He permanently bridged the gap between a Holy God and a people in desperate need of redemption. We can now freely come to the throne without fear, to boldly approach a previously unapproachable God. There is a point before salvation however, when we must feel the dread and fear that comes with knowing that we are powerless to save ourselves.
Everyone who has ever been shown just a bit of God’s glory has been struck dumb with fear, God is simply too overwhelming for us to handle in our present state, and yet this all-powerful, all knowing God, who created everything we see and even what we don’t see, willingly gives His Spirit to live within us! It is almost too much to think about for too long……God is so good.

Behold: The Lion of the Tribe of Judah

Nothing in all creation is hidden from God’s sight. Everything is uncovered and laid bare before the eyes of him to whom we must give account………

Jesus the Great High Priest
Therefore, since we have a great high priest who has gone through the heavens, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold firmly to the faith we profess. For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are—yet was without sin. Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need. Hebrews 4:13-16

Prayers with no words….

Windows at St. Mary’s Church, Google Images

Forever O Lord, Thy Word is settled in Heaven……Psalm 119:89

This morning I let my prayer be silence. I meditated on everything I have prayed for before. God has them, I know it. Safe in His golden bowl, He keeps them. This morning it seemed right to just give Him a silent offering. I made a blank canvas, as blank as I could anyway, thoughts always seem to crowd in, and carved out an empty place for God to fill.

Today I rest in who He is, I meditate of His power, glory, omnipotence, love….

Sometimes you just need to see what comes back in the silence, so I made my soul as still as an empty church. Sometimes you just need to make yourself a living Psalm, fill yourself up with your need for God, your need for answers, your need to know He is listening. So today I sat in the hush of His peace, silence of no words. The mourning dove cooing on the eaves of the neighbor’s roof prayed eloquently for me today.

In meditating on His strength, I become acutely aware of my weakness and utter inability to do anything apart from Him. That is a good place to start the day.

After all, as the Psalmist says…..Forever O Lord, Thy Word is settled in Heaven……Psalm 119:89Whatever happens and however out of control you feel, God remains in control. This is a comforting thought.

Thankful today for the peace that only He can give……#411 doves gentle call, #412 prayers in silence, #413 soft music that soothes, #414 the wisdom of His word spoken through wise friends, #415 cats soft purr, #416 real hugs, #417 laughter that heals the soul, #418 much needed rain in the desert, #419 family that taught me His love, #420, the Holy Spirit who puts our soul at rest…..
holy experience