Grace

The Blessing

 Then little children were brought to Him that He might put His hands on them and pray, but the disciples rebuked them. But Jesus said, “Let the little children come to Me, and do not forbid them; for of such is the kingdom of heaven.” And He laid His hands on them and departed from there. Matthew 19:13-15
“I am doing a new thing with Lauryn now before she goes to her class,” my Mom said. “I lay my hands on her and pray a little blessing.” She saw someone do this on one of her Sunday morning shows. “I thought, why not do it for her.” So now right before she slings on her backpack and heads off to join her friends, my Mom holds both hands on a very fidgety child and says:
“The Lord bless you and keep you, the Lord make His face to shine upon you and give you peace.”
She went on to say that the first time she did it, she was wiggling around a lot, wondering what she was doing. “But now,” she says, “She expects it, and I think she likes it a little.” I verified this with my own eyes when I was there. She got this little mischievous smile that I caught on camera right after the prayer.
What a blessing to have a Grandma who prays for you………..and the laying on of hands? The Bible encourages it.
My Mom paused in her activity and said……..”Do you remember how you and I prayed before school by the fire?” Of course I do. I told her I blogged about probably more than once, and I know I have thanked her more than once too.
How could I ever forget those times? Just she and I in the warm glow of the firelight. She praying for a very unhappy teen aged daughter because she just didn’t know what else to do. I can still hear how she sounded, and feel her work-worn hands of love in mine. It makes me want to cry for the gratitude of her.
And it’s not like you are really praying for safety, because things do happen, despite the prayers before going out. It’s more like a release. It’s a way of saying:
I give you to the Lord, and no matter what happens, we will be okay.
And we will.
For this reason I remind you to kindle afresh the gift of God which is in you through the laying on of my hands. For God has not given us a spirit of timidity, but of power and love and discipline. 2 Timothy 1:6,7

(Re)acknowleging my Desperation

Today, Lord I acknowledge my desperate state before you. Anything less means I am walking around in a state of delusion. When things are going well, it is so easy for me to think I have things under control. That I don’t need you quite as bad as when circumstances are:
unpleasant, painful, spiraling out of control………….But the truth is, I need you just as much and in just the same measure every single day.
Sometimes I act like a person holding up a golf club in the middle of a lightning storm. I flirt with the world, I skate on the edge, I get too close to swinging the doors wide open that should remain closed.
And I shouldn’t. Forgive me, precious Lord. Thank you for remembering my dust. Help me to never take advantage of your good grace. I acknowledge again that though you are completely Holy, you are not waiting up there to strike me down when I fail, but waiting with an arms open kind of love.
And forgive me for asking you once again to deliver me from things you have already set me free from. Sometimes I have amnesia. You are infinite Love. I remember again and again the great length you went to save me.
All the way from Heaven to earth.
Goin back to the foot of the cross today.

Always is a good time to pray

The ballots have been counted up and I am rejoicing in the fact that I will not have to watch any more campaign commercials. I won’t deny that I am disappointed……but not in God. Never in God. On the way to work I heard a great praise song on the radio and I was able to pump my arms in the air (while I was stopped at the red light), and thank God that despite everything that happens in this life……

He is still on the throne.

So now we get on to Kingdom work. I have no idea what the next four years will bring. All I know is that I hope that it will bring more people into God’s kingdom.

And it is always a good time to pray, now more than ever. Even though the one I voted for won’t be taking up a seat in the While House, I have to think back to the best and worst moments in my life and ask myself a question. With eternities values in view, how much does this really matter.

Right now today, if something happened to someone I love this little election and all my feelings about the next four years would cease to matter. We have very important things to do. And I was challenged by the Internet Monk today to pray for our President.

It might take some work, but I can do it. Because he needs God just like everyone else.

The Big Ticket

As we approach the ticket counter to US airways I am staggered at the amount of people in line. There are always a lot of people at the airport here in Phoenix since it is an international hub, but this……this is crazy. The line was so long they had to split it up into two groups, parted like the red sea.

They were all wearing the same expressions of worry and anxiety, and now so was I. It dawned on us that this must be because of diverted flights due to Hurricane Sandy. Everyone was orderly and somewhat calm. TSA has effectively whipped us huddled masses into submission like recaltritant children. I looked at them all, jostling kids, bags, nerves, and me right among them.

When he saw the crowds, he had compassion on them, because they were harassed and helpless, like sheep without a shepherd. Matthew 9:36

I still had time, but would it be enough? We went out to curbside and there was a line but not nearly as bad. I bantered with two ladies going back home to Toronto about our general complaints of the airlines. How they are charging for every little thing.

I punched my confirmation number in the little space on the screen and my ticket was spit out the bottom. I clutched it as any apprehensive flyer does. It had my name on it, a little bit of peaceful assurance in a scrap of paper. My seat was 9F.

Upstairs it was more of the same. Everywhere, people scrambling to get home or leave home.The line was four deep going through security. I passed the Canadian ladies again. One of them asked, “How did you get ahead of us?” And we laughed.

I reached for the bin, filling it up with everything I could take off…..scarf, shoes, belt, metal jewelry, sweater. I was motioned into the infamous TSA scanner……Arms up and hold please. The evil scanner. Will I ever get used to this?

Put my heart under Your scanner Lord. Tell me what I am doing wrong……. “Search me, O God, and know my heart; Try me and know my anxious thoughts” Psalm 139:23

I thought of how at first, I had refused to fly. On justifiable grounds of gross invasion of privacy. Just the topic would sent me into a fit and quoting the first amendment. And now I just go through like everyone else. Just one of the cattle.

I clutch my ticket, make all my calls, and settle in for the boarding announcement. I think of myself, one who dreams often of being in the wrong place, or late, or being six months behind for a class and realizing I have not turned in one assignment. Its always so important for me to be in the right place at the right time.

I scan my boarding pass for the 5th or sixth time, noting the boarding time, the zone number.

I think about that other ticket, to that most important of places. The ticket I clutch even more tightly as the years go by, my Bible. The Words of God. That’s one trip I want to be prepared for more than any other. The Holy Spirit is my deposit. I lean back in the seat and breathe deep. Thankful.

I won’t be late because it’s all in His timing.

“…….and he has identified us as his own by placing the Holy Spirit in our hearts as the first installment that guarantees everything he has promised us.” 2 Corinthians 1:22

Alzheimer’s Diary…..A continuing lesson in love

And above all these put on <sup class="crossreference" value="(A)”>love, which <sup class="crossreference" value="(B)”>binds everything together in <sup class="crossreference" value="(C)”>perfect harmony. And let <sup class="crossreference" value="(D)”>the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called <sup class="crossreference" value="(E)”>in one body. And <sup class="crossreference" value="(F)”>be thankful. Colossians 3:14

I have probably tacked this verse onto the beginning of posts more often this year than any other. Have you put on your love today? This past year, I have had to start over time after time, day after day. As most of you know who read my blog on a regular basis, we are working on year two of Elaine’s Mom living with us.

It’s been tough, to say the least. Hygiene is an ongoing issue more and more. We are working on week 4 with no shower, again. The last time, Elaine had to physically get in the shower with her because she refused to put water on her head. And she was washing with shampoo. Incontinence is also a problem. She refuses to wear the undergarments so bedding has to be changed often….laundry done several times a day.

Because she has been increasingly combative, her dose of Anti-psych drug was doubled just this past week. We noticed the rage has been just barely contained….it’s always just under the surface. The pacing and the agitation seem to go hand in hand.

It is disheartening and sobering for Elaine to realize that right now if her Mom were not on the Seroquel she would be in a lock down unit as we speak. Her Mom still knows very well where she is, but when her Doctor tells her that if she won’t let people take care of her she has to go somewhere where they can, he is met with indifference, a shrug of her shoulders.

It has been a constant challenge for both of us to do that “putting on love” thing Paul is talking about. And I am on another trip to California to see my family on Sunday. It’s hard to be the one always left behind. For two years, she has had to watch others travel, go on weekend trips, vacations. That is what caretakers face every day…….for them life has stopped. They feel just as chained as if they were in stocks.

And how can life still feel like it’s at a standstill, when the workload never stops?

Please pray? For wisdom, and strength to bear up. To keep laughing somehow. To know when to say “when.”

Pray for strength and grace for me as well. That I can be the right kind of support. Too often I feel like the check marks on my own personal report card are screaming out a big red “fail.” But God knows my heart, thankfully.

I take comfort in the fact that He hears my prayers of forgiveness uttered after every exasperated blown out sigh……He knows we are all dust after all, nevertheless a kernel of God keeps us all preserved for eternity.

Praise God.

And more and more and more, we are craving the peace, the harmony that used to fill the house. We still have it for the most part, we just have to fight for it where before it was effortless.

Here is the magic formula that works for any and every situation:

Love + Peace = Harmony

I will need until every last breath to put it into practice.

Prayer for the Haiti Bloggers

“I was hungry and you fed me, I was thirsty and you gave me a drink, I was homeless and you gave me a room,I was shivering and you gave me clothes,I was sick and you stopped to visit, I was in prison and you came to me.” Jesus
 
 
As I eagerly read the posts coming in from the Haiti bloggers, I read their words and it felt like they were my words too, even though I am worlds away. I can’t imagine what it would be like to be there. Last night I looked up at the stars, the same ones they were looking at  and I wondered what they were doing, what they were seeing and feeling.
 
I know I would never be the same.
 
As I unwrap His promises today I am assured of one thing, if we call ourselves born again believers, we don’t have the luxury of not doing anything. Fear is one of the things that holds me back. I send my money to World Vision every month, happy to at least be doing something. I bring my bag of used clothes to the Hope Closet at church and I feel a nod from God. A small, warm quickening in my Spirit. And yet…….
 
If I were there? I know that all the words I thought I would have would be sucked right up inside me.
 
I pray for these who are there, seeing, feeling, touching…..being God’s own hands and feet. It is the next best thing to being there.
 
I lift my small offering today.
 
Please join me.
 
Photo courtesy of Facebook/World Vision

Two Cups with God

 
In the midst of the mess and the beauty of life, He listens,
 He enters into my world and I enter His.
 Two cups with my Father,
two cups with Jesus,
two cups along with the Spirit……
He sups with me and I with Him,
a window of Heaven cracked……
 
Prayer Journal
 
 
The devotional reading I picked for myself today was 1 Corinthians Chapters 1-3. It reads much like a letter from a grieving parent. Paul has spent his own time, money, and resources for 18 months in Corinth. He knew that there was a lot at stake. If the church could take root in Corinth, it could take root anywhere. A city of around 700,000, it was full of every kind of philosophy, thought, religion, as well as every kind of sexual morality you could think of.
 
Certain things were happening in the Church that deeply troubled Paul. They need to be reminded of who they were. It seems they had a case of “spiritual amnesia.” Certain people were queuing up to follow the church leaders instead of Christ. Some followed Peter, some followed Paul, some followed the dynamic new person on the scene, Apollos. Still others followed Jesus.
 
Right now we are in the midst of an election year. We listen to the speeches, we hear who speaks the best, who looks the best, who is the most eloquent, who says what best matches our philosophies and beliefs. But no politician has the power to save us, and neither did any of the church leaders of Paul’s day.
 
But Jesus does. He is our hope, no matter what happens in our economy, our country, our world.
 
Sometimes, like the Corinthian church, I need to be reminded of who I am and who I believe. I take comfort in Paul’s words today.  It is so easy to get swept up in the worries of the world and all the different voices clamoring for our attention.
 
I need to be reminded that what I do matters and that wherever I go, I am taking God with me in the presence of the Holy Spirit.
 
I love how, even though Paul is brimming over with frustration, he is also brimming over with love and thanksgiving.
 
”To the church of God in Corinth (or America), to those sanctified in Christ Jesus and called to be holy, together all those everywhere who call on the name of the Lord Jesus Christ–Their Lord and ours: Grace and peace to you from God our Father, and the Lord Jesus Christ.” Paul
 
 


A day in the life

 

Staying one step ahead. That is what you consistently have to do. And if you forget, it throws the whole day off. That kind of living alters your life. It’s very much like having a toddler in the house, you must think of things they may get into before they do. Secure the area at all times.

You leave the washer open in the morning and ready for her soiled PJ’s to go into. And you never  leave washed clothes in the washer, soiled clothes will go on top of them. Many loads had to be repeated because of that.

Check room for dirty clothes she puts back in closet.

Secure unopened mail. Put it somewhere she won’t find it.

Leave phone turned down, always.

Don’t leave suitcases out unless you are ready to answer 100 questions about where you are going and when.

Signs on doors, on microwave…….so many rules.

Yesterday the pacing was bad. Every time I settled down to write she would come back in the door. Or go out again. The silent close of the screen door……50 times a day. And every time, the air conditioner would click on trying to keep up with the raised temp in the house.

There used to be a zoo in my hometown that I liked going to, but I always felt sad for the coyote. He paced all day in his little cell. As a kid I wanted to set him free and live the life he was meant to live, running through fields chasing rabbits. I have never really liked zoos since.

I know Joyce must feel a bit like that coyote, and I can’t imagine what it’s like inside her mind. So I really try to be patient. We take her to Walmart and buy her an ice-cream and let her sit on the benches and watch people. She likes that and so far has only wandered off a few times. Security had to be called.

But yesterday I was in a hurry and just wanted to get there and back.

By the end of the day I felt like the coyote as well, so I went to the store again……..I found myself whistling in the aisles…..I felt that sense of freedom that happens when you are suddenly sprung. I understand now how women with small children feel, just wanting to go…….anywhere away.

Elaine dreams of Alaska with an unlisted number.

This is our life right now. And Jesus is here with us. So it is going to be okay. Because…..

“Never will I leave you or forsake you…….”

Asking the big questions

Therefore do not be unwise, but understand what the will of the Lord is. Ephesians 5:17
 
I slept late because I took a Walmart sleep aid. I missed prayer this morning……and running. That threw me all off.

Then I was messing around with the template and header on my blog yesterday and messed it up. So now it is beautifully off centered…..and the lettering is also not centered. Bless Dusty Rayburn for sending me the code. I know what he sent was right because he is a very smart guy, and a techie. But I put the code in and nothing changed.

And I decided that was okay because my life is very much like my crooked blog header right now. A beautiful picture  but gloriously off center. Not perfect. So I decided to leave it like that as a reminder.

“How did you love today?”

At the close of each day it’s what I ask myself. It seems more often than not there is a big fat red “F” on the report card in my heart. Mentally I check off everything I did wrong. I see fail after fail. Glaring at me from inside their smug little boxes.

We need to ask ourselves the hard questions as Christians. That was what came out of the church service on Sunday morning and ever since, I have wondered. Have I fit Jesus into a comfortable niche in my life?  Am I a “friend” or “follower” like on Facebook or Twitter, or am I a Disciple?

Disciple has definite connotations.

I felt the weight of it all as I stepped out the door to finally go running. I needed it to clear my head, and heart. And as I ran, something happened. I felt it lift. As I heard the words to East and West, I felt the warm oil of His grace from the top of my head all the way down to my toes.

It was like the oil I was anointed with once for sickness. And now I was feeling the healing of His Grace all over again.

Grace that is always greater than all my sin.

And where grace enters in, He always brings His love with it.

Oh God, this is it. Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, for the assurance I am still and always Your child.

Only in Jesus can I be that picture of perfection. God sees my heart. The truth is, there is a lot I will get wrong today too, but there are some things I will get right.

I will get up and try again tomorrow with Jesus. And I thought another thing too this morning. That like Alzheimer’s? Once we confess to God, he not only forgives, He forgets all about it.

He has given me a living, breathing example of that right in my own home.

I guess you could say that God has a form of Alzheimer’s too when it comes to our sin.

As far as the east is from the west, So far has He removed our transgressions from us. Psalm 103:12
 

Radical Love

 

“Behold, I am the LORD, the God of all flesh; is anything too difficult for Me?” Jeremiah 32:27

A Morning Prayer
 
 
God, you are the Lord……and great is Your name. All it takes is once brief glance at the Heavens and I know it. Your name is above every name, above all life and everything that moves upon the earth. You are worthy……..You alone are to be praised.
 
Nothing is too difficult for you, no wrong is so wrong that it can’t be made right again.
 
When I think that you would turn your attention to me, even for a moment, my heart fills with wonder and gratitude. Not only did you turn your attention to me, you put those unimaginable thought into loving, terrible and radical action.
 
When you died for me.
 
I need no more proof than that, of how great Your love is for me.
 
Amen.
 
 “But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.” Romans 5:8