God’s love

Trying to make sense of it all

God is in control......

Today, we are all shell-shocked and  scrambling for answers. We are desperately looking for someone or something to blame, some solution. We think there has to be a way to define, identify, fix the problem, because that is the only way we can find some peace in something this horrific.

I don’t even want to watch the news at this point. To be honest I don’t want to know about the shooter and what traumatic events of his childhood might have led up to him doing this. I don’t care about his disease or his personality profile. I have heard it all before.

All I can think about are the children that are gone and the parents who are facing the deepest grief they will ever know upon waking up this morning. I paused before I went into work today, to pray for the families. But what to pray? All I got out was….”Oh God, the parents, the parents, the parents…..”

In the wake of this tragedy, the debate over gun control will ignite once again. And good people on both sides of this issue have their facts, their statistics, their arguments. And both sides feel they are one as right as the other.

You can take guns away from law-abiding citizens, but the criminals will still get guns. Illegal gun and drug trade is out of control and the doors to our borders are standing open. Some of our cities, such as Stockton, California…..right next to my hometown,  are bankrupt due to gross mishandling of funds and greed at the top. I just read this report today:

Bankrupt Stockton, Calif., faces a “mass exodus” of police officers in the midst of a crime wave if it is forced by creditors to slash pension benefits for current and retired employees, its city manager said in a letter to Gov. Jerry Brown. Source: Huffington Post

In some cities, there are barely enough police to actually fight real crime, let alone provide schools with the extra security they need.

The truth is, we can pass all the laws we want to, but there is one thing we will never be able to do and that is legislate morality. There is only one solution to the heart problem we all have and it is found in the person of Jesus Christ. He is the final answer for this world today.

That’s why the Manger means more than ever right now.

And God is watching this world. Nothing escapes His notice. While people have free will, they will use it to exercise all kinds of atrocities and evil against other people. And free will is one thing God will never take away from us.

But until we choose Him, our hearts will remain broken beyond repair.

One day He will put a stop to all this craziness, for He is a just and Holy God, but until such time as He does, he has given us a job, a high calling, a command:

Love one another as I have loved you.

The solution to all our heart problems can be found by looking back to the manger, forward to the cross, and beyond to that future time when…..

He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away. Revelation 21:4

(Re)acknowleging my Desperation

Today, Lord I acknowledge my desperate state before you. Anything less means I am walking around in a state of delusion. When things are going well, it is so easy for me to think I have things under control. That I don’t need you quite as bad as when circumstances are:
unpleasant, painful, spiraling out of control………….But the truth is, I need you just as much and in just the same measure every single day.
Sometimes I act like a person holding up a golf club in the middle of a lightning storm. I flirt with the world, I skate on the edge, I get too close to swinging the doors wide open that should remain closed.
And I shouldn’t. Forgive me, precious Lord. Thank you for remembering my dust. Help me to never take advantage of your good grace. I acknowledge again that though you are completely Holy, you are not waiting up there to strike me down when I fail, but waiting with an arms open kind of love.
And forgive me for asking you once again to deliver me from things you have already set me free from. Sometimes I have amnesia. You are infinite Love. I remember again and again the great length you went to save me.
All the way from Heaven to earth.
Goin back to the foot of the cross today.

The Big Ticket

As we approach the ticket counter to US airways I am staggered at the amount of people in line. There are always a lot of people at the airport here in Phoenix since it is an international hub, but this……this is crazy. The line was so long they had to split it up into two groups, parted like the red sea.

They were all wearing the same expressions of worry and anxiety, and now so was I. It dawned on us that this must be because of diverted flights due to Hurricane Sandy. Everyone was orderly and somewhat calm. TSA has effectively whipped us huddled masses into submission like recaltritant children. I looked at them all, jostling kids, bags, nerves, and me right among them.

When he saw the crowds, he had compassion on them, because they were harassed and helpless, like sheep without a shepherd. Matthew 9:36

I still had time, but would it be enough? We went out to curbside and there was a line but not nearly as bad. I bantered with two ladies going back home to Toronto about our general complaints of the airlines. How they are charging for every little thing.

I punched my confirmation number in the little space on the screen and my ticket was spit out the bottom. I clutched it as any apprehensive flyer does. It had my name on it, a little bit of peaceful assurance in a scrap of paper. My seat was 9F.

Upstairs it was more of the same. Everywhere, people scrambling to get home or leave home.The line was four deep going through security. I passed the Canadian ladies again. One of them asked, “How did you get ahead of us?” And we laughed.

I reached for the bin, filling it up with everything I could take off…..scarf, shoes, belt, metal jewelry, sweater. I was motioned into the infamous TSA scanner……Arms up and hold please. The evil scanner. Will I ever get used to this?

Put my heart under Your scanner Lord. Tell me what I am doing wrong……. “Search me, O God, and know my heart; Try me and know my anxious thoughts” Psalm 139:23

I thought of how at first, I had refused to fly. On justifiable grounds of gross invasion of privacy. Just the topic would sent me into a fit and quoting the first amendment. And now I just go through like everyone else. Just one of the cattle.

I clutch my ticket, make all my calls, and settle in for the boarding announcement. I think of myself, one who dreams often of being in the wrong place, or late, or being six months behind for a class and realizing I have not turned in one assignment. Its always so important for me to be in the right place at the right time.

I scan my boarding pass for the 5th or sixth time, noting the boarding time, the zone number.

I think about that other ticket, to that most important of places. The ticket I clutch even more tightly as the years go by, my Bible. The Words of God. That’s one trip I want to be prepared for more than any other. The Holy Spirit is my deposit. I lean back in the seat and breathe deep. Thankful.

I won’t be late because it’s all in His timing.

“…….and he has identified us as his own by placing the Holy Spirit in our hearts as the first installment that guarantees everything he has promised us.” 2 Corinthians 1:22

Unwrapping His Promises

How long we wait, with minds as quiet as time………….Thomas Merton

And if you give yourself to the hungry
And satisfy the desire of the afflicted,
Then your light will rise in darkness
And your gloom will become like midday.
 “And the Lord will continually guide you,
And satisfy your desire in scorched places,
And give strength to your bones;
And you will be like a watered garden,
And like a spring of water whose waters do not fail.
“Those from among you will rebuild the ancient ruins;
You will raise up the age-old foundations;
And you will be called the repairer of the breach,
The restorer of the streets in which to dwell.
Isaiah 58:10-12

 
My time in the desert has taught me much. When the heat stretches on and you see no end, you long to escape it. You drive up north, you go to the coast, or you go to the theater or the mall. You learn to adjust what you do. You learn from the little creatures you see that somehow thrive, and it inspires you too to go on. This imagery is easy for us desert dwellers. But here, God is trying to teach a different kind of lesson.

A lesson for when the soul is parched and needs refreshing.

He is trying to teach us a new way of living for when life burns you out. We say, “I need a trip to the Spa,” But He tells us we need to give to those who have less. New life, new energy, new hope is found when we do for others, and when we lean on Him in the doing. In a way, God is saying, “Get your mind off yourself and you will feel better.”

But unless we also harness the power of the Holy Spirit, we will quickly be burned out. It’s only when we join hands with the Creator that this regeneration and refreshment happen. The body might be beat, but inside the Spirit leaps.

In caretaking I have found this to be true. As soon as I stop harnessing God’s power, I find my anger flaring up at all those little moments….a shirt getting stuck on the hanger, her pacing back and forth, her opening and closing the door 10 times.

I focus on a Motorhome that sits idle in storage for the lack of freedom to just get up and go. I lament the loss of freedom and say it’s not fair. What is fair? People in Haiti are living in tents and have no clean water.

It wasn’t fair the Jesus had to go to the cross but He did. And now despite everything I deserve, I get Heaven here and now. And for eternity. With that in view, I can be more than a conqueror.

Whatever we are going through here and now, it is only for a season. And there are blessings everywhere we turn when we have the Lord to refresh us in all those scorched places in life.

Let’s unwrap His promises today, the basket is overflowing……..

Home, where God is.

I was listening to the Gaither’s again this morning on the way to work. There is only one problem with that. When I like a song I speed up and that is not so good for driving. “We Shall Rise” was the only song I ever remember my old Pastor requesting we sing twice. I can still see his perfectly Brylcreamed hair as he turned to us in the choir as we stood once more to sing. We raised the roof that day. 

I was thinking about how certain kinds of music make you feel like home. Something in your soul finds rest in it. It stirs up memories, emotions. Nature makes me feel like home too, it’s like remembering our first home. Knowing that’s how it should be, hearing that wind sigh in the treetops.

Later at work as I settled myself in front of a computer, (on my break of course), I felt still another sense of home. I never realized just how much a part of my life this has become. This checking in with all of you, my online friends. It’s a bit like coming to your back kitchen door, and you getting out my favorite mug and pouring me a fresh brew. Exchanging news good and not so good, sharing laughter and tears as we reach across the table.

Fellowship. Community. Unity. Love. That’s the Kingdom of God.

I can already feel eternity lapping at my feet like waves. Some days it is easy to know that this world is just a precursor of Heaven. The joy of the Holy Spirit confirms it.

I think of what finally home means.

No more goodbyes, no more plane trips, no more endings, only beginnings…… forever. We will already be there. When I think about eternity it blows my mind. I can’t seem to come to grips with something that good lasting forever. I can’t help but think that something or someone will ruin it all.

But God’s promises are true, that we can count on. That’s the hope I bring you today.

I love you, friends. I really do.

“He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.” Revelation 21:4

Two Cups with God

 
In the midst of the mess and the beauty of life, He listens,
 He enters into my world and I enter His.
 Two cups with my Father,
two cups with Jesus,
two cups along with the Spirit……
He sups with me and I with Him,
a window of Heaven cracked……
 
Prayer Journal
 
 
The devotional reading I picked for myself today was 1 Corinthians Chapters 1-3. It reads much like a letter from a grieving parent. Paul has spent his own time, money, and resources for 18 months in Corinth. He knew that there was a lot at stake. If the church could take root in Corinth, it could take root anywhere. A city of around 700,000, it was full of every kind of philosophy, thought, religion, as well as every kind of sexual morality you could think of.
 
Certain things were happening in the Church that deeply troubled Paul. They need to be reminded of who they were. It seems they had a case of “spiritual amnesia.” Certain people were queuing up to follow the church leaders instead of Christ. Some followed Peter, some followed Paul, some followed the dynamic new person on the scene, Apollos. Still others followed Jesus.
 
Right now we are in the midst of an election year. We listen to the speeches, we hear who speaks the best, who looks the best, who is the most eloquent, who says what best matches our philosophies and beliefs. But no politician has the power to save us, and neither did any of the church leaders of Paul’s day.
 
But Jesus does. He is our hope, no matter what happens in our economy, our country, our world.
 
Sometimes, like the Corinthian church, I need to be reminded of who I am and who I believe. I take comfort in Paul’s words today.  It is so easy to get swept up in the worries of the world and all the different voices clamoring for our attention.
 
I need to be reminded that what I do matters and that wherever I go, I am taking God with me in the presence of the Holy Spirit.
 
I love how, even though Paul is brimming over with frustration, he is also brimming over with love and thanksgiving.
 
”To the church of God in Corinth (or America), to those sanctified in Christ Jesus and called to be holy, together all those everywhere who call on the name of the Lord Jesus Christ–Their Lord and ours: Grace and peace to you from God our Father, and the Lord Jesus Christ.” Paul
 
 


Asking the big questions

Therefore do not be unwise, but understand what the will of the Lord is. Ephesians 5:17
 
I slept late because I took a Walmart sleep aid. I missed prayer this morning……and running. That threw me all off.

Then I was messing around with the template and header on my blog yesterday and messed it up. So now it is beautifully off centered…..and the lettering is also not centered. Bless Dusty Rayburn for sending me the code. I know what he sent was right because he is a very smart guy, and a techie. But I put the code in and nothing changed.

And I decided that was okay because my life is very much like my crooked blog header right now. A beautiful picture  but gloriously off center. Not perfect. So I decided to leave it like that as a reminder.

“How did you love today?”

At the close of each day it’s what I ask myself. It seems more often than not there is a big fat red “F” on the report card in my heart. Mentally I check off everything I did wrong. I see fail after fail. Glaring at me from inside their smug little boxes.

We need to ask ourselves the hard questions as Christians. That was what came out of the church service on Sunday morning and ever since, I have wondered. Have I fit Jesus into a comfortable niche in my life?  Am I a “friend” or “follower” like on Facebook or Twitter, or am I a Disciple?

Disciple has definite connotations.

I felt the weight of it all as I stepped out the door to finally go running. I needed it to clear my head, and heart. And as I ran, something happened. I felt it lift. As I heard the words to East and West, I felt the warm oil of His grace from the top of my head all the way down to my toes.

It was like the oil I was anointed with once for sickness. And now I was feeling the healing of His Grace all over again.

Grace that is always greater than all my sin.

And where grace enters in, He always brings His love with it.

Oh God, this is it. Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, for the assurance I am still and always Your child.

Only in Jesus can I be that picture of perfection. God sees my heart. The truth is, there is a lot I will get wrong today too, but there are some things I will get right.

I will get up and try again tomorrow with Jesus. And I thought another thing too this morning. That like Alzheimer’s? Once we confess to God, he not only forgives, He forgets all about it.

He has given me a living, breathing example of that right in my own home.

I guess you could say that God has a form of Alzheimer’s too when it comes to our sin.

As far as the east is from the west, So far has He removed our transgressions from us. Psalm 103:12
 

I called my Mom because I wanted to speak with this special girl, but she said they had just left for the pool.
I had been thinking about hearing her voice all day….And I thought of her swimming and how she loves it, and I could just see them in my mind at the pool. And my eyes swam tears…….”She’s ten, she’s ten, she’s ten,” was the refrain that wouldn’t let go. How did she get to be ten?
She is not actually, but she will be in a couple of months. This must be how parents feel. How do they do it? Their hearts must ache with an overflow of love continually. Well, good parents anyway. How do they let go? Maybe it is a really good thing I never had kids. I would have been one of those obsessive parents who follow their kids to school and on the bus. And I can imagine me, standing in the driveway crying buckets…….waving a hankie when they pull out of the driveway and leave for college.
I have a hard time leaving my cats with strangers.
But there she is. And all at once we turned around and she was so tall. Wearing size 10 dresses and impossibly big shoes. When did it happen, and how many moments did I miss in all these years? Silly me, thinking she was still 6 or 7, I tried to pick her up when her feet were burning on the hot cement and almost dropped her. She laughed. Bless her, she has my sick sense of humor.
Is this how God feels about us? After all, every life is sacred, every life is eternal. I know He grieves and misses us when we are away. I know that at the end of a life spent without Him, He aches for what could have been. I know it.
Watch out for her God. I know she has Mommy and Daddy and Grandma and Grandpa, but sometimes they might miss something.
But you never do. Thank you.

Prison Break

“For you did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave again to fear, but you received the Spirit of sonship. And by him we cry, “Abba, Father.” Romans 8:15

I have been trapped in a spirit of oppression lately. I have labeled it work because that is the easiest thing to blame. There has been much stress there, but the main stress has been within myself. Sometimes we just lock ourselves up in prison all over again, even when we know down deep, that once upon a time Christ set us free.

The circumstances of life make us forget.

And I had to be honest. I had to admit, first of all,  that there were very valid reasons why I was stressed. Sometimes it doesn’t help to label all the reasons why you shouldn’t be stressed, or fearful, or depressed. I acknowledged my blessings…..I do everyday.

I see the pictures of the flooding, and the wrecked houses, and lives, and I know that is not me.

And I thank God everyday for what I have, and it is a lot. And everyday I have many moments of joy, but there was something that wasn’t right under the surface.

And though I don’t have to worry about food, or live in a mud hut, or fear that I might be raped at any second as so many women in other countries do…….or fear for my life.

The exhaustion I felt as I held my head in my hands yesterday was real. On the way to work today I felt much the same. Head pressed to the carpet, I prayed just to get up and go in. To put a step in front of the other and keep going in that direction.

For some reason, the words kept coming back to me when I was driving……..

“My chains hit the ground…….my chains hit the ground……my chains hit the ground.” Just like the song we sing in church just about every Sunday. Yesterday, it was the other song about freedom. “My sins are gone….I’ve been set free…..my God, my Savior has ransomed me…” and I didn’t know why.

But now I do.

Because God wanted to tell me something. And this morning He whispered it to my heart so I could hear.
He said…….“Lori, you need to embrace your freedom.” Just that. And immediately I knew it was the truth because tears sprang. I had forgotten my freedom and put myself in a prison of my own making.

My chains are gone……I’ve been set free.

And today right now, I feel better. And another praise, a big one. Elaine passed all her Commercial driving tests today. There is now a new bus driver in the Apache Junction School District. A new path has opened for her, and I just know God is going to bless all those kids through her.

Thank you Lord!

Radical Love

 

“Behold, I am the LORD, the God of all flesh; is anything too difficult for Me?” Jeremiah 32:27

A Morning Prayer
 
 
God, you are the Lord……and great is Your name. All it takes is once brief glance at the Heavens and I know it. Your name is above every name, above all life and everything that moves upon the earth. You are worthy……..You alone are to be praised.
 
Nothing is too difficult for you, no wrong is so wrong that it can’t be made right again.
 
When I think that you would turn your attention to me, even for a moment, my heart fills with wonder and gratitude. Not only did you turn your attention to me, you put those unimaginable thought into loving, terrible and radical action.
 
When you died for me.
 
I need no more proof than that, of how great Your love is for me.
 
Amen.
 
 “But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.” Romans 5:8