faith

A Free Gift

For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God—not by works, so that no one can boast. Ephesians 2:8,9
News leaves me cold these days. We are, all of us, inundated with information…..most of it useless. How did we get to be a society, a people, so influenced by culture and what it says. I don’t care about any of it so I scan over the headlines as quickly as I can. It makes me weary, nothing changes, only the faces of the latest celebrity of the minute, the hour, the week.  
I skim past them, glancing at headlines, stopping every now and again as I shiver at the violence, destruction, loss that is now part of our normal. At what shouldn’t be, but is.
I stay just long enough to know what is going on in the world. And I am reminded of one thing:
 What has been will be again,
what has been done will be done again;
there is nothing new under the sun.
Ecclesiastes 1:9
But faith is one thing that never gets old. It gets renewed again and again. Increases in power, with constant use. It is stretched but never can be broken beyond repair. It stays gleaming and shiny new as that moment when we first grabbed onto it. Whether it was out of desperation or hope as slim as a spider’s thread……it was real.
The other day in a book I was reading one of the characters said, “I just can’t believe, I don’t have that gift of faith.” That is when I remembered again what a gift it really is. To believe. To have faith in what we can’t see.
It is something we could never do on our own…..for even the act of believing comes from God Himself. Otherwise we could never do it. But He holds it out to us each day. And I believe, I really believe that though He will never force it on us, He holds out hope that we will accept it.
And I don’t believe it is too late until we take that last breath.
Thank you Father for such a wonderful gift. 
The LORD is my light and my salvation;Whom shall I fear? The LORD is the strength of my life; Of whom shall I be afraid? Psalm 21:1

 
Sometimes when words are few…..
A few pictures say some things in a different way……

A stroll around back can give a different perspective…..
A look above can make the heart sigh……
when words are few.
Lately I have found words difficult. They are all swirling around inside me but none will come out the right way. Be still, says the Lord…..And wait on Him. So until He brings the words, waiting is what I am doing.
Maybe we can wait together?
I would have lost heart, unless I had believed That I would see the goodness of the LORD In the land of the living.Wait on the LORD: be of good courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart: wait, I say, on the LORD. Psalm 27:13,14

He is more than enough

And He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. 2 Corinthians 12:9
I got home the other night and she was outside on the patio. My best friend of the endless positive attitude…the natural born fixer, the supervisor and mediator of people and situations, cannot fix her Mom. There is no fix for Alzheimer’s…..yet. The look on her face said it all. She was done….spent. Finished. “She drove me nuts today,” she said. “I prayed all day and it didn’t work.” I said, “Yes it did, she is still alive and so are you.” Sometimes it is all you can do to get through the day with your mind and body intact.
Everything she tried to do for her Mom ended in complete and utter frustration.
A woman who used to scream at them for getting in the kitchen while she was cooking, now stands in the middle of the kitchen as her daughter cooks, staring a hole through her. It is disconcerting to say the least.
And then the endless pacing….up and down, back and forth. In her squeaky shoes. Suggestions are met with hostility and you never know when…..It is like walking in two worlds. The regular world and the Alzheimer’s world. Applying the normal rules doesn’t work in an abnormal world.
Harder still, is when you have no good memory bank to pull from because your Mom was never emotionally available to you or for you……never nurturing. What do you do when your own supply of love and devotion is not enough, and when you feel like the sun has gone down and taken every scrap of your strength with it?
When the last thing you want is another thing you have to do.
You rest in the knowledge that
you know…… that you know…… that you know
He is more than enough
His love takes over when ours runs out
He will never, ever ignore His child who prays
Know that the power that raised Him from the grave is enough to raise you…….“Now all glory to God, who is able, through his mighty power at work within us, to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think.” Ephesians 3:20

When God Speaks

I was going to write about something entirely different today, but then I read Duane Scott’s post over at Michelle’s place. I remembered something my Dad told me when I was back home this last time……As I read about what Duane so rightly calls, the hard hallelujah, 24 years fell away and I thought about my own period of deep grief and all the events that threatened to swallow my family whole.
Dad told me about the night that God spoke…….It was a Tuesday evening and he was getting ready for a prayer meeting he usually attended. Something kept holding him back. He chalked it up as laziness and continued getting ready. But there was a weight, a heaviness that seemed to be holding him back.
He went but didn’t participate in the prayer……He sat quietly in the back, trying to pray, but feeling like he wasn’t supposed to be there.
Oppressed by a darkness he couldn’t explain.
He says it was as if a strong undertow was pulling him back home. The voice, the Holy Spirit within him was growing louder and more insistent as the night wore on. “Go home and go quickly.”
It wasn’t audible, it didn’t have to be.
Right after he got home the phone rang. It was me calling from Mexico and to this day I don’t remember either calling, or the conversation. What my Dad did understand was that the man I had just married three days before had died in an accident and I was left alone…..in a country not my own.
On what was supposed to be my honeymoon…….
If my Dad had not heeded God’s voice, my Mom would have had to take that call alone. I don’t think she could have handled it.
So while the glow of the wedding was still bright and fresh, the bouquet still in bloom….while relatives had barely had time to get home, they had to come back for a memorial.
And I had to figure out what to do with a future I had all planned out.
The grief was so deep I thought I would never get out. It affected us all. God watched me mess up, veer wildly off the path at times. He watched me deal with the grief all wrong, and that must have been painful for Him to watch…..But in all that time, He never left me.
There are no words for sadness that goes so deep. I remember we all said, “How can the birds still be singing?” In all of our hard hallelujahs no words of comfort ever sound right. But now that I am so far on the other side of that grief, I can comfort others in a way someone else can’t and I know it.
But how to comfort when there are no words? The best thing can be just your presence, a hug….shared tears. A listening ear……..Stopping by after everyone else goes away.
You might ask the question, “Well, if God spoke once, why didn’t He speak another warning? Why didn’t He intervene in the big thing that happened…..Why didn’t He prevent it?”
There is an answer that comforts me, and I know it to be true. I know my God. There is a reason He didn’t intervene, but I don’t know what it is. Maybe it was because He was saving me or someone else from an even greater grief further down the road. That is what I choose to believe….it’s how I find comfort.
I didn’t always have peace about it, but I do now. All these years later, the “why” question matters less and less. Heaven is not nearly as far as we think. The joy that springs up in the heart even in the midst of unbearable sorrow is proof. For we know where they are…….

Though He didn’t keep the awful event from happening, I know He loves me more than anything, and I know He was with me every step of the way.

The death of a child is much harder for me to understand. I can’t imagine that kind of grief.

All I know is that He loves us so very much, even more than we can imagine, and He loves our loved one even more than we do.

Whoever reads this, please whisper a prayer for Duane, the grieving parents of his nephew and all the family. Thank you Duane, for such a beautiful and real post today and thank you Michelle for sharing it.

Finding beauty when and where you can

There are times when you simply no longer recognize your life……….It happens slowly sometimes, gradually. You look up and find yourself surrounded and in the mire, you feel stuck. You wonder what happened.
Other times it happens with life events, all of a sudden. Leaving no time to prepare, “to lock and load” against the barrage coming at you.
Right now it seems that everywhere I look…….in the lives of those I hold dear, major adjustments are having to be made. My Aunt is packing up some of my Uncle’s things since he has had to go to the nursing home. She is living in a strange land now. The land of dementia……She told me, “He is here, but he’s not here. I am grieving him and he is still alive.” Tears come easily for her. She is packing his shop, and I am sure all the memories along with it.
She struggles with false guilt. She thinks that because she is a Christian she should be handling it better. But what prepares you for this?
Still she has held onto her humor, her eyes still find the beauty in her life.
She still thanks God for all the time she had with him. She has hope in her Savior.
The joy of the Spirit has not left her.
Because of who she is, she still sees the beauty in each new day. She still has her marvelous sense of humor. She called my Mom and asked on a particularly hot day….”Do you want to lay out?” She and my Mom used to sunbathe until they were black….baking for hours. Now they each have standing appointments at the dermatologist as a result…….Laying out in the sun at 80 years of age is now laughable…
And laugh they did.
One friend has a wayward adult child living at home once again……he has suffered many setbacks and can’t seem to get back on track. He has made bad choices, and now this Mom and Dad are being dragged along for the ride. They love him so much it hurts.
There is one thing, one BIG common denominator in all these people’s lives……..they know Jesus. I refute those studies that say there is no marked difference in the lives of believers and unbelievers, the things they do or don’t do. Frankly, they can stick those studies where the sun don’t shine. They really make me mad, can you tell? I know better. I have seen it with my own eyes.
In my best friend, my own parents, my Aunt, my dear friend and her husband, and many others.
Since I started in a caretaking role myself, there are so many things I understand now, better than I did before. And I am thankful for that. God saw fit to “learn me a lesson.” He does that mostly through other people. My life has changed very much over that past year or so. I am still adjusting.
I hope I can grow to be like the heroes I see around me. Still finding the beauty and not losing my sense of humor. I feel that many times lately I have missed the mark. I have become kind of a grumbler…..but inside where no one can see. But God sees my heart, and He knows I don’t want to be a grumbler inside or outside.
Sometimes just finding that quiet place for a few moments is difficult, but necessary. To regroup.
How does your faith help you in your everyday life? Does it make things easier? I welcome any and all thoughts….
All photos taken by me at the Disney Grand Hotel

Where we came from

“ Do not remember the former things,
Nor consider the things of old.
Behold, I will do a new thing,
Now it shall spring forth;
Shall you not know it?
I will even make a road in the wilderness
And rivers in the desert.” Isaiah  43:18,19
Yesterday I was listening to Glen Beck and he was talking about how we as a nation are in danger of forgetting where we came from, losing our ideals as a country. Those are not his words, but were the gist of what he was talking about. You hear all kinds of talk today about how America is no longer a Christian nation. We have kicked God out of every public arena possible in the name of the first Amendment, which actually was written to protect religion, not limit its expression. But that is another topic.
I don’t know if we could call ourselves a Christian nation any longer, but I do know this. All over this great nation today, there are people gathering for Bible Studies, holding hands around a table, sharing their concerns about their families, work, praying over everything that is in their heart, and sharing their love for God. And not just a few. Thousands upon thousands. All through the week and not just on Sundays. They don’t just call themselves Christians, they courageously live what they believe until it hurts.
This is what my relatives came to America for. They came with hope flaming in their hearts for that freedom, not only to work and make a life for themselves, but to believe and practice without fear. I like to imagine what they felt when they saw the first glimpse of Ellis Island……and our Lady Liberty. Maybe the sun was shining on her, maybe it was dark, but there is no doubt that they saw something in her that our modern eyes could never see.
My Grandmother came over from Russia and almost died on the ship when she was 6 months old. Many years later she met my Grandfather and they bought land in North Dakota. They worked from sun up to sun down. Sometimes my Grandmother took over for my Grandfather at the plow, in place of the beast of burden. And they suffered a great tragedy. Their sweet little Annie was accidentally shot by a foster child at two years of age. My dear Grandfather left the rifle out only once. I believe he took that guilt with him to the grave. When they left for California, they left their farm and all the animals, most of whom they named.
They left Annie’s grave too.
When they got to California, my Grandmother’s relatives didn’t treat her very well. They gave her all the jobs nobody else wanted to do. When my Aunt and Uncle came, they lived in a chicken coop in back of the house. These were strong people, people of character.
They persevered, went to church, raised their families, and eventually started a successful business.
They didn’t believe anyone owed them anything. They knew they would have to sacrifice to get what they wanted. They knew the importance of waiting…..patience. Personal sacrifice.
And they knew that every blessing they received came straight from the Almighty Hand of God.

It is those ideals that I feel America and many Americans are in danger of losing, and not just our youth.
Would anyone you know endure harsh treatment from relatives and live in a chicken coop now? Would I?
It is what I am pondering today.

Because He lives, life is worth it!

“Oh, that my words were recorded, that they were written on a scroll, that they were inscribed with an iron tool on lead, or engraved in rock forever! Job 19:23,24

I am continuing my reading through Job. It is slow going, but that is okay. It is tempting to skim through Job. It’s painful reading…..As I read through his life, I am starting to feel like I am watching a dear friend suffer, and it hurts. Job wasn’t just a very wealthy man with a large family, he was also well known for doing good in the community. He was actively involved in taking care of the poor, opening his home to others, sticking up for the underdog. He wasn’t satisfied to just  sit back and enjoy all of God’s blessings when he knew others were suffering and in need.

It is tempting to skip through the long winded speeches of his so called friends. I want to tell them to be quiet! But maybe I am being too hard on them. There is truth in much of what they say, I just don’t think much of it applies to poor Job. Anyway, I can learn from their words what not to do. There is a time to speak and a time to comfort in silence.

So I am going slow. I am going back when I catch myself scanning instead of reading….because every word is important.

Right after Verse 18 when Bildad winds up his speech, Job starts speaking again. And his words stun me because I always thought this verse came from Isaiah. In the midst of his excruciating suffering, the Holy Spirit speaks a beautiful prophecy spoken through the dry, split lips of suffering Job. Like manna from Heaven the words float down…….

I know that my redeemer lives,
and that in the end he will stand on the earth.
And after my skin has been destroyed,
yet in my flesh I will see God;
I myself will see him with my own eyes—I, and not another.
How my heart yearns within me!
Right there in the middle of Job……. a well known aria from the Easter portion of Handel’s Messiah! I know, I know, there are people, Biblical scholars, who say that this has nothing to do with Jesus, but I disagree…..I think that Job knew exactly who his redeemer was, and that he also knew that when his time on earth was through, that he would see the One who redeemed him. He knew like one who has been through the refining fire of suffering knows……He lives! And maybe it took the suffering for Job to know that he truly did believe….
To echo the old song that I used to sing in church…….”Because He lives, I can face tomorrow.” Because He lives, I can get up and go to a stressful job. Because He lives, every day is a gift. Because He lives, it’s all worth it! “……And life is worth the living, just because He lives!”
And lest you beat yourself up because you feel you should be leaping out of bed instead of praying face down on the carpet, remember this: “There is now no condemnation for those in Christ Jesus“…..That was one of the first verses to spill out of the CD player this morning on the way to work. I take great comfort in the fact that He doesn’t love me because I am perfect, but because I am His child!
In the end, Job got his prayer answered. The book of Job is considered one of the most beautiful literary works of all time. His words stand the test of time and eternity……

Photo by Andrea Schafthuizen, public domain pictures

A Sparrow Story

Paul Harvey relates a modern parable about a religious skeptic who worked as a farmer:

One raw winter night the man heard an irregular thumping sound against the kitchen storm door. He went to a window and watched as tiny, shivering sparrows, attracted to the evident warmth inside, beat in vain against the glass.

Touched, the farmer bundled up and trudged through fresh snow to open the barn door for the struggling birds. He turned on the lights and tossed some hay in the corner. But the sparrows, which had scattered in all directions when he emerged from the house, hid in the darkness, afraid.

The man tried various tactics to get them into the barn. He laid down a trail of Saltine cracker crumbs to direct them. He tried circling behind the birds to drive them to the barn. Nothing worked. He, a huge, alien creature, had terrified them; the birds couldn’t comprehend that he actually desired to help. The farmer withdrew to his house and watched the doomed sparrows through a window.

As he stared, a thought hit him like lightning from a clear blue sky: If only I could become a bird – one of them – just for a moment. Then I wouldn’t frighten them so. I could show them the way to warmth and safety.

At the same moment, another thought dawned on him. He grasped the reason Jesus was born.

And the Word became flesh and dwelt among us, and we beheld His glory, the glory as of the only begotten of the Father, full of grace and truth. John 1:14

A Different Kind of Lent

“Through suffering, our bodies continue to share in the death of Jesus so that the life of Jesus may also be seen in our bodies.” 2 Corinthians 4:10

A couple weeks ago I was praying and speculating about whether to give up something for Lent. Being raised in a Baptist church, we didn’t do Lent, but I have always liked the tradition. Coffee, books, sugar….those are the things that came to mind right away. I was keeping my heart open……Soon after that, events transpired that made it necessary for my best friend’s mother to move in with us. Suddenly we had to figure out how to make a two bedroom house big enough for three.

My self-sacrificing friend is now sleeping in the Arizona room, which the cats had previously taken over. She gave up her room to her Mom. At first the cats gave the bed a wide berth, a bit apprehensive when they saw it being wheeled out to “their” room, but they are now thrilled at having another place to sleep.

She has a tough job. Her folks are not easy to care for. They are not positive people and never have been. They have taken much and given little. There is one consolation when all is said and done, she will know that there is not one thing more she could have done for them.

There are times, however, when this is not much consolation, especially when your own sanity is in question.
In spite of everything, she remains positive, gracious and a joy to be around. I don’t know how she does it, but then again I do…..loads of Grace, and Prayer. Did I mention her Mom has Alzheimer’s?

In the midst of insanity, and chaos, and stress, there was some humor yesterday.

The remote control was ringing

Lipstick seemed like a good idea on cheeks

She lost her pants, which were in plain sight on the dresser

She programmed the microwave for 1 hour and 55 minutes to heat coffee

And this was all within the first hour of the day. When she saw her Mom furiously scrubbing her face at the bathroom mirror she figured out what she did. And then they both had to laugh…..Grace. Life and death side by side. Things like Alzheimer’s have a way of making death more visible and just when you think it is gone forever the old life comes back……that’s what makes it tough.

And every time we give up something and make room for His grace we wear a bit of the sacrifice of Jesus.

“But he gives us more grace. That is why Scripture says: “God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.” James 4:6

The Best Offering

“It was by faith that Abel brough a more acceptable offering to God than Cain did. Abel’s offering gave evidence that he was a righteous man, and God showed his approval of his gifts. Although Abel is long dead, he still speaks to us by his example of faith.” Hebrews 11:14

The question was posed to me, “How can a loving God send a person to hell when all their life they have done good things, maybe living a better moral life than a believer?” Many people have grappled with this question, and it has become a major stumbling block. It has caused some to question their faith, and it has kept some from seeking a relationship with God. The problem is, they are looking at it from the wrong angle. They are thinking that the works themselves are what makes a person righteous, when in fact, works by themselves can never save anyone.

The person who counts on their own good works to get them into God’s good graces, rejects God’s plan and provision for salvation. They are saying in effect, “I think my offering is good enough.” Look at what Isaiah says: “We are all infected and impure with sin. When we display our righteous deeds, they are nothing but filthy rags. Like autumn leaves, we wither and fall, and our sins sweep us away like the wind.” 64:6

And it’s not only unbelievers who can fall into this trap, many in the church today are trying to do good works apart from the Holy Spirit, and as a result they are burned out, discouraged, and ready to quit. We were never meant to do anything apart from the Spirit. Sometimes we try to go back to doing things through our own efforts we fall flat on our face. And God lets us!

It’s kind of like what happened to Cain. He thought his offering was good enough and then was mad when it wasn’t accepted. Abel, however sacrified from the choicest of his flock to give back to God. Somewhere along the line, Cain held back his best. He rejected God’s plan, and then sulked even when God came to him:

“Why are you so angry?” the LORD asked Cain. “Why do you look so dejected? 7 You will be accepted if you do what is right. But if you refuse to do what is right, then watch out! Sin is crouching at the door, eager to control you. But you must subdue it and be its master.” Genesis 4:6-7

God never intended anyone to go to hell, in fact He is not willing that any should perish……and all we have to do is reach out and take God up on His offer of salvation. Jesus sacrificed Himself for us so that we might become righteous. He is our righteousness!

The best offering………….
Blessings of this past week…….continued strength and humor inspite of difficulty and challenge……the joy of the Spirit in the midst of joyless company……good conversations about God……fellowship and shared commiseration with friends…..knowledge that we are in the midst of Grace at all times……fruitful quiet times that carry me through, and enable me to help others go through…..questions from others that renew my faith….the support of a best friend who understands…..continued good health……furry ones who give comfort….#647-657

holy experience
Photo by Brunhilde Reinig: public domain pictures