Christian living

When resentments cloud our prayers

“An eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth cannot sustain itself forever, ultimately both parties end up blind and toothless.” Gandhi

Yesterday morning prayer time was wonderful……I went outside and instead of being greeted with stifling heat I was met with a blessedly cool 75 degrees, something that is a distant memory between the months of May through early September here. And something else I have longed for, prayers accompanied by a little sprinkling of raindrops on the roof.

Afterwards, I went to look for my patriotic flag to hang for September 11 and remembered that it was a bit weather worn and I had thrown it out. I decided I needed to fly a real flag, so off I went to Walmart at 6:30 in the morning. Not many people there then. I drove home with my precious commodity and proudly hung it out…..red white and blue……glory against the backdrop of Arizona sky.

Today’s prayer didn’t go quite so well. It was clouded by a resentful thought that I could not dislodge. It came about halfway through prayer and stuck there…..

Instead of praying about it, as I should have done, I decided to keep it for awhile…..mull it over. It started me asking questions. Those irritating whys…..Forgiveness is good and right and Godly……..yet so difficult when you have to live it out day in and day out.

How do you forgive someone when they have hurt someone you love?

When you are the caretaker for someone who has never cared for you, never treated you well, wounded you emotionally?

When you don’t have to live with them it’s easy. Out of sight, out of mind. But what if they are never out of sight? What then? It’s like reopening old wounds every day.

Living out the Christian faith is easy when it’s never tested. Our faith doesn’t grow if it’s not challenged. That’s when we grow closer to Him. When we’re tested. The challenge is proof that He loves us.

It’s our love for God that motivates us to leave behind those things in us that are not Godly. Those things in me He wants me to change. The Holy Spirit does not deserve to live in a body and mind steeped in resentment….fear….anger. It helps to remember the sacrifice.

The terrible price that was paid for us. The ultimate price.  “Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies.” 1 Corinthians 6: 19, 20

As I sat in a beautiful church service yesterday, remembering the sacrifice of all those people running into those burning buildings, and saw all the names of those who died streaming down the wall…….my eyes streamed too. Four candles lit, one for each plane down.

They paid with their lives for the evil someone else did. He paid with His life, for what He didn’t do.

“For I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.”

Could it be that sometimes God’s blessing comes from those who have been our biggest challenge in life? Could it be that He is heaping treasure in Heaven for us through this very person, these very circumstances that are the source of so much pain?

Is the very act of forgiveness the thing that will bring about the salvation for us all?

This one thing I know to be true…….God is building something eternal in us right here and now. It is something so big and so great we can scarcely imagine it. Everything we do with His help and by His power changes us forever.

Thankfulness wells up again, and again as I remember this…….

Book of Kindness

It’s time for counting kindness……

An interesting thing happened when I started to count the gifts of gratitude one by one……that counting the good things became even more a part of who I am.
They slipped in quietly, but they surprised me by their insistence, even when I was worried, or stressed, or angry, or scared…..they came alongside and made their presence known, and didn’t back down.
And now I find myself wanting to count other things. That is what started my book of kindnesses…..
It is for keeping track of the things my friends and family have done for me or others……all those little things it’s so easy to lose track of. It’s so important to know that there is still much kindness left in the world.
My Mom in her childhood watches…..I think she likes the idea

And hopefully, this counting will inspire me to practice kindness on myself and others, because I know there is much room for me to grow. These I don’t count, for God Himself keeps track of each one done

In Jesus name…….“And (A)whoever in the name of a disciple gives to one of these [a]little ones even a cup of cold water to drink, truly I say to you, he shall not lose his reward.” Matthew 10:42
First entry: Diane (who bought me this little book) goes with my Mom to the Doctor during a scary checkup
Second entry: Just about every time Elaine makes an ice-cream cone for our household, she makes three extra and takes them next door to Bob, Eileen and Estelle
Third entry: Bob and Eileen take Elaine to get her car from the shop
I often like to imagine all the many things that Jesus must have done that we have never heard about…..
“And there are also many other things that Jesus did, which if they were written one by one, I suppose that even the world itself could not contain the books that would be written. Amen.” John 21:25
I have a feeling they ended up in the Father’s own book of kindness

When God Speaks

I was going to write about something entirely different today, but then I read Duane Scott’s post over at Michelle’s place. I remembered something my Dad told me when I was back home this last time……As I read about what Duane so rightly calls, the hard hallelujah, 24 years fell away and I thought about my own period of deep grief and all the events that threatened to swallow my family whole.
Dad told me about the night that God spoke…….It was a Tuesday evening and he was getting ready for a prayer meeting he usually attended. Something kept holding him back. He chalked it up as laziness and continued getting ready. But there was a weight, a heaviness that seemed to be holding him back.
He went but didn’t participate in the prayer……He sat quietly in the back, trying to pray, but feeling like he wasn’t supposed to be there.
Oppressed by a darkness he couldn’t explain.
He says it was as if a strong undertow was pulling him back home. The voice, the Holy Spirit within him was growing louder and more insistent as the night wore on. “Go home and go quickly.”
It wasn’t audible, it didn’t have to be.
Right after he got home the phone rang. It was me calling from Mexico and to this day I don’t remember either calling, or the conversation. What my Dad did understand was that the man I had just married three days before had died in an accident and I was left alone…..in a country not my own.
On what was supposed to be my honeymoon…….
If my Dad had not heeded God’s voice, my Mom would have had to take that call alone. I don’t think she could have handled it.
So while the glow of the wedding was still bright and fresh, the bouquet still in bloom….while relatives had barely had time to get home, they had to come back for a memorial.
And I had to figure out what to do with a future I had all planned out.
The grief was so deep I thought I would never get out. It affected us all. God watched me mess up, veer wildly off the path at times. He watched me deal with the grief all wrong, and that must have been painful for Him to watch…..But in all that time, He never left me.
There are no words for sadness that goes so deep. I remember we all said, “How can the birds still be singing?” In all of our hard hallelujahs no words of comfort ever sound right. But now that I am so far on the other side of that grief, I can comfort others in a way someone else can’t and I know it.
But how to comfort when there are no words? The best thing can be just your presence, a hug….shared tears. A listening ear……..Stopping by after everyone else goes away.
You might ask the question, “Well, if God spoke once, why didn’t He speak another warning? Why didn’t He intervene in the big thing that happened…..Why didn’t He prevent it?”
There is an answer that comforts me, and I know it to be true. I know my God. There is a reason He didn’t intervene, but I don’t know what it is. Maybe it was because He was saving me or someone else from an even greater grief further down the road. That is what I choose to believe….it’s how I find comfort.
I didn’t always have peace about it, but I do now. All these years later, the “why” question matters less and less. Heaven is not nearly as far as we think. The joy that springs up in the heart even in the midst of unbearable sorrow is proof. For we know where they are…….

Though He didn’t keep the awful event from happening, I know He loves me more than anything, and I know He was with me every step of the way.

The death of a child is much harder for me to understand. I can’t imagine that kind of grief.

All I know is that He loves us so very much, even more than we can imagine, and He loves our loved one even more than we do.

Whoever reads this, please whisper a prayer for Duane, the grieving parents of his nephew and all the family. Thank you Duane, for such a beautiful and real post today and thank you Michelle for sharing it.

Sometimes we need a reminder

“Think straight. Awaken to the holiness of life. No more playing fast and loose with resurrection facts. Ignorance of God is a luxury you can’t afford in times like these. Aren’t you embarrassed that you’ve let this kind of thing go on as long as you have?” 1 Corinthians 15:34 The Message
You are more than the choices that you’ve made,
You are more than the sum of your past mistakes,
You are more than the problems you create,
You’ve been remade.
You Are More, Tenth Avenue North
And that is what some of you were. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God……1 Corinthians 6:11
Behold, I tell you a mystery; we will not all sleep, but we will all be changed, in a moment, in the twinkling of an eye, at the last trumpet; for the trumpet will sound, and the dead will be raised imperishable, and we will be changed.

 
“Therefore if any person is [ingrafted] in Christ (the Messiah) he is a new creation (a new creature altogether); the old [previous moral and spiritual condition] has passed away. Behold, the fresh and new has come!” 2 Corinthians 5:17 Amplified Bible
 
Sometimes it’s good to be reminded……..I heard the lyrics to the Tenth Avenue North song on the way to work and they really affected me. All too often I dwell on all my past mistakes and failures and begin to see myself that way. We really are so much more than that to God.
 
But God doesn’t……..”as far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us.” Psalm 103:12
 
photo credit: from Nat Geo, and public domain pictures.org

What’s in your cup?

“LORD, you alone are my portion and my cup; you make my lot secure. The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; surely I have a delightful inheritance. I will praise the LORD, who counsels me; even at night my heart instructs me. I keep my eyes always on the LORD. With him at my right hand, I will not be shaken.” Psalm 16:5-8

What’s your cup full of today? Is it full and overflowing with salvation or does it feel like it’s filled to overflowing with stuff you never asked for? Stuff you never wanted. The cup was passed around the table and you wanted so desperately to say, “No, thank you,” but you didn’t because you knew no one else would drink it. Hopefully, you looked around for someone to share it, but everyone had disappeared.

You do anything you can to make it sweeter, you smile and say, “It’s not so bad.”

We all have our cups. Some drink deep from the cup of bitterness and resentment. They have drank from it for so long they have even acquired a taste for it. Some try to help them, even try to take it away, but they wrestle it back. They like their cup just the way it is.

Sometimes I don’t like some of the things floating around in my cup. I know that even though I am holding the cup of salvation, I put other things in there that don’t belong. I hate floaters.

I strain it, but there are still some there. There’s nothing else I can do but throw it out and start over, for “What shall I return to the LORD for all his goodness to me? I will lift up the cup of salvation and call on the name of the LORD.”

I remember that awful cup you drank for me so that I wouldn’t have to.

And I lift my hands to grasp my cup of Salvation once again. Suddenly my little cup is one I can drink, for you have infused it with Your Life. I can drink this and get true refreshment.

Not only that, I know that I never have to drink alone again.
Though circumstances haven’t changed, what I’m drinking has.


“You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies; You have anointed my head with oil; My cup overflows.” Psalm 23:5

From Religion to Relationship

‘Behold, I stand at the door and knock; if anyone hears My voice and opens the door, I will come in to him and will dine with him, and he with Me. Revelation 3:20

Christianity was never about religion but relationship. Even before Christ came to earth we had God reaching down to Abraham and Sarah, before that we had God creating Adam and Eve and placing them in the garden. It is always God who makes the first move.

There is a point where we stop trying to spin all the plates and live up to what we know we never can, apart from Christ. That is where we invite Him in……..That’s where it starts. So many times I ask Him to assist me in doing what I have no business doing. God doesn’t want to assist us in anything…

He wants to live His life out in us………………Through the Holy Spirit! That’s the Aha moment of the Christian life. That is what makes it so vastly different from anything else.

I can call upon my Father at any hour of the day or night and I know He is always listening……because I’m His child. What Father wouldn’t?

This morning as I carried my coffee (His Blood) and my scone (His Body) out to my prayer room, I had communion of a different kind. Remembering what He did on the cross, that’s what communion is. This is my body, broken for you……a prayer of Thanksgiving from my heart to His.

Sometimes the elements look a bit  different, but really, isn’t it our intent He looks at?  

“But the LORD said to Samuel, “Do not look at his appearance or at the height of his stature, because I have rejected him; for God sees not as man sees, for man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart.” 1 Samuel 16:7

Jesus valued relationships above all. He put people over religion every single time. That’s what got Him in trouble with all those religious folk. Jesus broke molds right and left while He was on this earth. He not only broke them, He smashed them to bits.

He talked with women, met with sinners, ate with people from across the tracks. That’s the God I love.

And if you answer His knock, I can promise you won’t be disappointed.

photos taken in Twain Harte, California
bottom: My brother Ron and daughter Lauryn

Drawing from the Well

“But whoever drinks the water I give him will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give him will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life.” John 4:14

What a wonderful thing to have memory…….it is our well-spring that we can draw upon again and again. I think if we counted the times during the day that we dipped into it, we would be surprised, since it is not really a thing we count….

We think of times well-spent and our memory bank is always adding up as the new slide in with the old and they all become part of who we are…..the good ones tend to override the unpleasant ones with enough time and healing.

But if I lost every scrap of my memory today……..God would keep me, I know that. For He has hid His Word deep in my heart.….. I would have the wellspring of His water that never runs out to draw from. I have Very God living in me which will carry me into eternity, along with all that is me……
was me, and will be me.
Everything I am is kept safe in Him, for He has promised that, so there is nothing to fear, not Alzheimer’s…..or cancer….or old age, or anything else……..“and we have a priceless inheritance–an inheritance that is kept in heaven for you, pure and undefiled, beyond the reach of change and decay.” 1 Peter 1:4

I really don’t know how it would be to lose my memory, my mind…..living with someone with Alzheimer’s has made me ask that question. It must be terrifying, I really can’t imagine it. I hope I never have to find out. But one thing I know.

When I have the water that always quenches, it will be more than enough.

thankful for feeling better today, almost over my cold……thankful for two specific things that happened yesterday, one the direct result of prayer…..thankful for days off to re-energize……for God who never gives up on me, even when He sees my inside my heart, it still doesn’t faze Him…..wonderful memories of a great Birthday week…..appliances that keep right on going through the stifling heat of summer….my first cuppa joe in the morning…..people who speak wisdom into my life….the memory of sand in my toes…..and being splashed my precious niece…..#701-711

Join the Gratitude Community here and add your list to Ann and others…….

Simply Thankful

“And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body. And be thankful.” Colossians 3:15 

This little dove doesn’t have to try to be a dove, she just is. She sat there looking at me as I rounded the corner one morning, just being herself, doing what doves do. I think she can teach me a lesson on just being. Being who God made me and resting in the Holy Spirit. With Christ reigning in my heart I don’t have to work at getting peace, I already have it in Christ. I need to stop working at it and rest in who He is.


There are so many things trying to rule over our hearts these days, things that threaten that peace……but when I close my eyes and know, really know, that Christ is ruling my heart, I feel myself calm, then my heart starts to beat with His. I am seeing turbulent waters grow calm. I think of how He smoothed out the waves that early morning in the boat…..I hear Him say….”Peace, be still……” to the waves and to my heart.

One of the best ways to feel at peace and to honor Him is by giving thanks. When I give Him my gratitude, I acknowledge where the blessings come from. So today I offer up my list of little things, which are really not so little at all.

I have almost made it through the last of my 12 hour shifts this week feeling under the weather. That was my goal, to finish out the week. I have four days off to look forward to. I had a good night’s sleep and that makes the day go much better. I know I will get better, and there are many who won’t. I have food, and I have free fruit and drinks all day here at work. All these little blessings are what some would give anything to be able to give to their children.

I know God appreciates it when we stop and realize how rich we really are.

I think of the conversations I have had in the past two weeks, some with family and some with friends who are going through very hard things. One thing stands out. One very important common denominator.

In spite of everything, they hold fast to their gratitude. They are thankful because they know that with God they have it all, but without Him they have nothing.

The Human Condition

I was swept along by a terrible dust storm last night after fighting through my 12 hour shift with a head cold. I was literally running down the hall trying to make it to the bathroom to the kleenex box by days end. Then, I had to go back in after I got all the way out to my car because I forgot something in the fridge at work. Part of dinner, actually. The picture above is one that was posted all across the country after our “big” storm on July 5th. I found it on a Google search, and it turns out this one came from “The Ecuador Times,” of all places!

Last nights storm wasn’t nearly as bad since I did have visibility on the freeway, but you have to be aware of debris hitting you. Birds were trying to fly and being carried off course….and when I was almost home I noticed a dust cloud, we call them “dirt devils” touching down on the freeway, right in my path. I watched the other cars (Yes, I realize this is faulty logic) as they cautiously drove through, and so I figured it was safe enough for my little bug, which holds the road like a tank. I gripped the wheel, all the while visualising my bug and me being sucked up into the vortex like Dorothy.

Once on the other side of that, the rain started along with the wind……along with a healthy amount of lightning striking all around. Meanwhile, I had used the last of my Kleenex and was resorting to my sleeve to catch drips….Ughhhh!

I looked to my left off the freeway and noticed smoke. I followed it down to ground level and it led to flames which were shooting through the roof of a house! I could see them even from the freeway. I assume it was started by the lightning. I could see the lights of Emergency vehicles already on the scene. I said a silent prayer, hoping that all had gotten out safely.



I was starting to feel like I was driving home in the middle of a disaster movie!

I thought of it all, the little and big things we go through in a day and how much of it would really matter if someone told me I was terminally ill. I also thought that I would probably treat the people in my life better if I were terminal. See things a bit differently.

So many times I feel like a kid trying to work up tears when I commune with God and tell Him I’m sorry for mistreating one of His people. I want to be so sorry that it motivates me to change…..Sackcloth and ashes kind of sorry. The kind that leads to repentance and doesn’t ring hollow.
This is the human condition. The thing we all have in common. And the things that we have in common, also have the power to bring us closer together.
Help me Lord, to treat my friends, my family, myself better. To treat my friends like treasure instead of trash, knowing that each one you brought into my life, you brought there for a reason. Help me to love more. Turn my heart of stone into one of flesh. Help me to treat others as better than myself and to not be afraid to be honest. To myself, and others and You. And help me to remember that we are all weathering storms of some kind, help me to be sensitive to that and keep my heart ready to listen. Amen

Fig Leaves and "Jersey Shore"

“This righteousness is given through faith in Jesus Christ to all who believe. There is no difference between Jew and Gentile, for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and all are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus.” Romans 3:22-24

I kept seeing snatches of things on the internet yesterday and I didn’t know what it was all about. Then the Christian radio station was talking about it as I was heading in to work this morning. From what I gathered, Ambercrombie and Fitch is a bit nervous because they feel that a certain star might taint their image, and they want to pay him off to stop wearing their clothes.

“Abercrombie & Fitch, the clothing company, is offering “substantial payment” to Mike (The Situation) Sorrentino, of the show Jersey Shore, if he will stop wearing A&F attire on the air. “We are deeply concerned that Mr. Sorrentino’s association with our brand could cause significant damage to our image.” Source: http://www.montrealgazette.com/
Now, I have been in Ambercrombie and Fitch before and I have seen the ads. They do have a really great fragrance there that I have bought several times. But they don’t exactly send forth what I would call a “wholesome” image on their billboards and commercials, so my question then is this: “Just how raunchy do you have to be to have Ambercrombie and Fitch reject you for fear of sullying their image?” I have never seen “Jersey Shore”, but in light of what I have seen on TV lately, nothing would surprise me.
The radio commentator had a good point and that is my whole reason for bringing this up, because I loved what she said. The gist of it was this, “Aren’t you glad that God didn’t say to us what Ambercrombie is saying to this actor?” In effect:
“You are just too rauchy for us! Go somewhere and disappear, in fact, we will pay you to do just that!”
Instead, He sent His Son so that we could attain righteousness through Him. Christ has become our righteousness! We don’t have to bother holding up our fig leaves to God, no matter how beautiful or elegant or creatively we make them look. He always sees right through them.
I still try to trot them out once in a while, wave them in front of His face…… But no matter how much I try to fool Him, I realize again that He sees my filthy rags for what they are, an effort to save myself…..a poor substitute for Jesus, my bread of life. What beauty is in this plan……Only God could initiate such terrible beauty.
Over and over again, He brings it home, and home is always Jesus.
Over and over again, I celebrate the joy of this Communion here where I sit, where I walk, where I drive.  I don’t need the elements to be thankful, feel the magnitude of what He’s done.

Like a gift that we lift out each day, still shiny, still new.
 
Like stepping back into Eden all over again.

Image of fig leaf from google images