Alzheimer’s/Dementia

God’s Place of Rest

“These are the words of God, the God of Israel, to you, Baruch. You say, ‘These are bad times for me! It’s one thing after another. God is piling on the pain. I’m worn out and there’s no end in sight.’ Jeremiah 45:2 The Message

“Just how much more does God expect me to take?”

You feel out of control, like one of those plate spinners……one false move and they all come crashing down. “I’ve got it, I’ve got it!” you say…..but you know that just under the surface lurks an erupting volcano. You feel like any little remark can set you off. When you pass a Dunkin Donuts or In-N-Out Burger you feel the drive-through sweeping you in like the pull of the tides. (Or in my case, the local Walgreens for a bag of Whopper Malted Eggs)

Tears come easily, and so does unexpected anger. This is sometimes what caregiving feels like.

But God’s place of rest is there in the midst of it. He is ready and waiting to do a work in you and me, but only if we release it to Him. He longs to take our burden, but He knows that sometimes He has to “pile it on” so that we will have no choice but to dump it at His feet.

We don’t have to take it all on……..He will.

It is so hard to tell someone that.
Someone who is trying so hard, dealing with so much.
It feels like one more thing they have to do.

It feels like we are saying, “Just tie a knot and hang on, sister…..”

Except that they aren’t just any old words, they are God’s words, and His words are backed by His promises.

“Because he has set his love upon Me, therefore I will deliver him; I will set him on high, because he has known My name. He shall call upon Me, and I will answer him;I will be with him in trouble; I will deliver him and honor him.With long life I will satisfy him, And show him My salvation.” Psalm 91:14-16

Lord, I pray for everyone today who feels overwhelmed and beaten up by the world. I pray that they will trust You with their every burden and care, and they will find that place of rest for their souls that you have promised them in Your word. Hide them under your mighty wings today, as the mother eagle shelters her young and give them the faith they need to release everything to You, knowing that You will give them peace in exchange. Amen

Great music in church yesterday, moments of refreshment and peace, little joys of flowers in the desert, singing into the phone and making someone smile, a good night’s sleep, a refreshing rain on the roof, unexpected moments of exhilaration, a great lunch at Chilies, 39 dollars from coinstar I didn’t expect I had, a time of peace at Starbucks while blogging…..
#668-#678

holy experience

A walk through the weeds…….

Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect. Romans 12:2

We humans can turn on a dime. Yesterday I was counting blessings, participating in the One Thousand Gifts over at Ann’s, thinking positive, counting blooms and blessings. Today on my walk, it seemed all I could count were weeds! I saw the brown trees this years freeze destroyed. I saw weeds in several yards…..My mind was like a ticker tape of negativity……”Why doesn’t the park enforce their own rules?” and “Why do we even have a home owner’s association?” I went on like this halfway around the perimeter until something strange happened. I got ticked at myself.

Something happens when you really start to count gifts. It changes how you think, and you no longer want to think the other way, the old way. We talk about paradigm shifts a lot at work. That is what happens in your mind when you cross over to living a life in gratitude to God, when you keep count. It not only changes your thinking, it changes your life.

It is a new determination you have……not to give in. So I walked on determined not to see the weeds or the brown trees this morning. I told myself and God that I was not going home until I started seeing beauty and blessings. I am kind of stubborn that way. Do you suppose that was God’s plan for me today?

This is what I saw…….A dove nesting in a spiny cactus……..groups of quail walking across the road. A bunny eating the veggies someone had left out. I heard the cry of a cactus wren, I call them all “Renny” for the one who lived in the cactus next door. Here is the thought that came to me…….These little desert creatures scurry about very happy to be what they are. They don’t pay attention to the weeds unless they can find something useful about them. If they can’t eat them, or use them for shelter they ignore them.

That was my lesson today.

I just had to laugh last night, as I picked up Elaine’s Mom from the nursing home where she had just visited her husband of 60 years, “That man is the most negative person on the planet, he finds absolutely no good in anything.” What?? This from a woman who is equally negative about anything and everything. Once, the three of us were walking along on an impossibly beautiful sapphire blue sky day. Elaine made a comment about how beautiful the sky was, and her Mom said caustically, “Well, Elaine the sky is always blue.” We still joke about it.

Like she says…….”Where did I come from?” She learned to count blessings a long time ago, against all the odds. Despite her surroundings, despite the people who raised her.

Yes, Lord……despite our circumstances, surroundings……..we can be positive, it is possible, if we let the counting, and God renew our minds.

Photo credits: Public Domain Pictures
Weeds by Andrew Schmidt
Dandelions by Petr Kratochvil

One step at a time…..

My days off have become a bit different. They used to be somewhat free-form and abstract, now they are more task oriented. I had tasks before, but now they are oriented around someone else, not me. When you take on the role of caretaker that’s what happens. At some point in life we all find ourselves in that role. I think there should be a Caregiver’s Anonymous Club. Alzheimer’s and Dementia needs a special group all its own.

Yesterday I was exhausted by noon, and all of it was mental. I lay down and slept blissfully for about 30 minutes in the middle of the day……It was wonderful.

If someone had seen the flowing dialogue in my mind as I went through the day they would have thought, “Surely, this is no Christian.” I drove 60 MPH in a 45 MPH zone because I was so anxious to be home. I said swear words in my head at other drivers. I found myself tempted to lie about what day it was because I knew she wouldn’t know the difference in order to get out of Bingo. Don’t worry, I didn’t. The truth of the matter is that some people expect you to act like Joel Osteen all the time if you are a Christian. Truth be told, I bet he has his moments too.

The difference is, we have the Holy Spirit to help us in those times where we feel out of control. Someone to help us in our weakness. So we pray, we take some deep breaths, we confess our sinful thoughts, and we go on. Step by step, task by task. My Mom once confessed to a friend that she loved Vodka Martinis…..She gasped and said, “But you’re a Christian!” To which my Mom said, “Yes, but that has nothing to do with my taste buds!” Precisely why she has never kept it in the house. She has been a caregiver all her life, and I am sure there are times when she would have liked to pour a stiff drink in the middle of the day. That’s reality. God understands that, and that is why He knew we would need the help of the Holy Spirit, and each other.

Because sometimes life just gets a bit overwhelming.

That’s why I sent out the prayer SOS yesterday morning. Thank you to the absolutely wonderful responses I got, (you know who you are). One of the best things about being in the family of believers is the wonderful prayer support. The day ended up much better than it started…..So, thank you.

“We always thank God for all of you and continually mention you in our prayers. We remember before our God and Father your work produced by faith, your labor prompted by love, and your endurance inspired by hope in our Lord Jesus Christ.” 1 Thessalonians 1:2,3

Prayer Request

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. Romans 15:13

I have a special prayer request from my blog family today. My best friend Elaine is struggling under a heavy load right now. She just started a new job, which was a very good opportunity she didn’t feel she could pass up, but now she is wondering if she made the right decision. She also has what feels like another full time job, taking care of her folks. She is wondering now whether she should have taken the job at all…….and also wondering how long she can do both without it adversely affecting her health, which is it already doing. Today she cut off her unemployment, and it feels final. No more safety net.

She thought she would be able to ease into her new job, but they loaded her up the first day, knowing she had experience. The prayer she needs most right now is to learn to let go. To learn how to leave work when things are unfinished. To let it all go at 5:00 and not carry it home, where the other job, the other stress  starts.

I feel helpless. I can help, but only so much. It is the internal struggle and burden she alone carries that I can do nothing about. But I know One who can. And she has prayed about it, over and over. What do you tell someone who is carrying this kind of burden and has no clue how to unload it? It is all too easy to speak platitudes: “Just give it to God….” I know she already has. I wonder why God doesn’t just do a miracle inside her and fix it. I ask myself, “Doesn’t He know all the things she is doing?” But I know He does. It just seems to me He is biding His time. She needs help now.

And yet, I see all He has brought us through since all this started.

And I know He has been there, and will continue to be.

The statistics of caregivers dying before the ones they are caring for are way too high. I have heard it over and over again. I don’t want her to be one of those statistics. She doesn’t want to be either. She has too many others who depend on her. God knows that.

Thank you in advance for praying. I breathe thanks for all He has brought us through today. And for what I have learned from this thus far:

That maybe I am more of a caretaker than I thought I was….. that I am doing things I thought I could never do……that in spite of it all, there is still joy and laughter to be had……. for extra leaning on the Lord for our strength…..for noticing beauty in the midst of quiet moments of rest……for appreciating even more the support of good friends…..for the prayers going up from dear friends and family……for extra physical strength and steady attitude…..for hope to see what God will do through this…..extra understanding for others going through the same struggle….and for the Lord who holds my friend and me in His palm……#656-667

When he falls, he will not be hurled headlong, because the LORD is the One who holds his hand. Psalm 37:24

holy experience

A Different Kind of Lent

“Through suffering, our bodies continue to share in the death of Jesus so that the life of Jesus may also be seen in our bodies.” 2 Corinthians 4:10

A couple weeks ago I was praying and speculating about whether to give up something for Lent. Being raised in a Baptist church, we didn’t do Lent, but I have always liked the tradition. Coffee, books, sugar….those are the things that came to mind right away. I was keeping my heart open……Soon after that, events transpired that made it necessary for my best friend’s mother to move in with us. Suddenly we had to figure out how to make a two bedroom house big enough for three.

My self-sacrificing friend is now sleeping in the Arizona room, which the cats had previously taken over. She gave up her room to her Mom. At first the cats gave the bed a wide berth, a bit apprehensive when they saw it being wheeled out to “their” room, but they are now thrilled at having another place to sleep.

She has a tough job. Her folks are not easy to care for. They are not positive people and never have been. They have taken much and given little. There is one consolation when all is said and done, she will know that there is not one thing more she could have done for them.

There are times, however, when this is not much consolation, especially when your own sanity is in question.
In spite of everything, she remains positive, gracious and a joy to be around. I don’t know how she does it, but then again I do…..loads of Grace, and Prayer. Did I mention her Mom has Alzheimer’s?

In the midst of insanity, and chaos, and stress, there was some humor yesterday.

The remote control was ringing

Lipstick seemed like a good idea on cheeks

She lost her pants, which were in plain sight on the dresser

She programmed the microwave for 1 hour and 55 minutes to heat coffee

And this was all within the first hour of the day. When she saw her Mom furiously scrubbing her face at the bathroom mirror she figured out what she did. And then they both had to laugh…..Grace. Life and death side by side. Things like Alzheimer’s have a way of making death more visible and just when you think it is gone forever the old life comes back……that’s what makes it tough.

And every time we give up something and make room for His grace we wear a bit of the sacrifice of Jesus.

“But he gives us more grace. That is why Scripture says: “God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.” James 4:6

Peace Be Still…..

“He said to them, “Why are you afraid, you men of little faith?” Then He got up and rebuked the winds and the sea, and it became perfectly calm. The men were amazed, and said, “What kind of a man is this, that even the winds and the sea obey Him?” Matthew 8:26,27

The people of Japan are experiencing the horrific effects of a massive earthquake. The footage is heart-breaking. To see homes, buildings, streets washed away is devastating. It was unexpected and there is never any preparation for something like that….It happened around 2 PM right in the middle of a work day. The fear is resulting Tsunamis up and down the coast…..

The truth is, there are all kinds of Tsunamis in life. My best friend feels like she is standing in the midst of one right now. She is under so much stress she actually forgets to breathe. She has the burden of taking care of both elderly parents, neither one of whom can get around, one suffering from Dementia and one from Alzheimer’s. Most of the time, they don’t talk, they bark orders.

She feels like her world has stopped, and it pretty much has. Life is going on normally without a hitch for others, but hers has stalled out. There is no time for herself. And it is affecting her health…..Life can feel very much like you are standing in the middle of an earthquake that is still going on. Nothing feels stable, nothing can be planned, because the job is never over………Whether it is a natural disaster, or a family problem, the symptoms are the same. Stress is stress, and the body doesn’t know the difference. It screams, fight or flight.

She longs to hear the words of Jesus, “Peace Be Still.” Oh, how she wishes she could be still, just for a moment. How she longs to be in that boat with Him.

Hear the wind cease…..feel the torrential wind die down……hear the sound of the waves lapping gently against the boat…..

But she can. As believers we have the assurance that He is keeping us. That He is here with us, this He has promised us. His peace is for us. And we have help…..”But the Helper, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in My name, He will teach you all things, and bring to your remembrance all that I said to you. Peace I leave with you; My peace I give to you; not as the world gives. Do not let your heart be troubled, nor let it be afraid.” John 14: 26,27

Know right now……..He is keeping you. You may not feel Him there, but you know He is. You have not blown up, hit anyone, exploded, and you are still laughing at times. He is keeping you…..and He will continue to keep you. Sometimes it just boils down to that. And one minute, one hour at a time.

When I was writing this post I remembered this song that was popular back in the seventies….

“Put your hand in the hand of the man who stilled the water
Put your hand in the hand of the man who calmed the sea
Take a look at yourself and you can look at others differently
By puttin your hand in the hand of the man from Galilee….”
(As recorded by Ocean) GENE MACLELLAN 1970

I am so glad I know that Man, and so glad my friend does too…….Please pray for those in Japan today and all others affected by stress of all kinds. If you can, help them carry their burden today…..

Bear one another’s burdens

“Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ. If anyone thinks they are something when they are not, they deceive themselves. Each one should test their own actions. Then they can take pride in themselves alone, without comparing themselves to someone else,  for each one should carry their own load.” Galatians 6:2-5
At first glance I was confused by these verses because they seem to contradict one another, first it says to carry each other’s burdens and then it turns around and says for each to carry their own load. But after some online study I found that it does not. The key is in the meaning of the words burden and load.
The word for burdens is baros, which means “heaviness, weight, burden, trouble” In verse six the word for load is phortion and means, “of burdensome rites.” While the first speaks of helping one another through troubles the second speaks of the responsibility each person has for their own troubles and sins.
Helping someone to carry a burden is a very good thing. But, actually taking the load on yourself is much different. It is like two people walking, one carrying a very heavy pack. They make it look easy so you say, “Here friend, let me take that awhile”…..WHOA! once you strap that pack on yourself you realize just how heavy it is. I got a picture of Frodo and Sam this morning while I was thinking about this. Sam was always supporting Frodo as he carried the weight of the ring, but there were times when Sam actually wore the ring himself, and immediately he felt the montrous weight of the burden Frodo carried.
What started this whole train of thought was yesterday. I felt just a tiny bit of the load that my very best friend carries dealing with a Mom with Alzheimer’s and a Dad with Dementia, that is, Dementia with quite a bit of meanness thrown in, I might add. I was on the way to get them groceries for them, as a favor to her. It’s the least I could do since she actually got to get away for a bit. I stopped at a red light. Just for a second, I felt just a bit of what she must feel all the time……….Tears sprang to my eyes. She has dealt with the loss of both of them this year, but still they hang on.

“God, there but for the grace of You go all of us……” 
I thought of how you have to put your own mind in a very strange state to deal with people who aren’t in their right mind. I am sure she wonders at times if she is losing her own sanity just trying to deal with them. She does amazingly well. She knows who her God is and that He is a very Big God. He can handle it when she cannot.
And behind it all, one thing stands out……
There was One who took our burden for all time. A very awful burden. One that only He could carry, and He did it willingly for us. He didn’t want us to have to. He knew that we couldn’t carry it, not even for one moment. I think, in light of that we are “more than conquerors in this life.”
When all the dross of this life is burned up, there will be one thing left.
Endless Gratitude.

pictures from google images……