Alzheimer’s/Dementia

Home Again

“God saved you by his grace when you believed. And you can’t take credit for this; it is a gift from God.” Ephesians 2:8 NLT 
I am back home in Arizona after a treasured time with my family. I needed to be there and my presence was so appreciated, but also missed back here. Elaine had to take her Mom in to the hospital after a bout with the flu. She came home Christmas Eve, but has been nursing her ever since. Getting someone with Alzheimer’s to eat is a challenge all by itself, but when you throw in other factors it makes it much more difficult.
Goodbyes on both ends are always difficult, and I look forward to the day when all goodbyes will be over for good. This is the rejoicing part of what we celebrate at Christmas. Once again, I am enjoying the after Christmas quiet.
I used to feel depressed the day or two after…..it was all such a let down, after all. But as I have gotten older, I have realized the value of the days after. The joy that comes when you realize that for Christians, the most important part of Christmas, the part we celebrate, never ends!
It doesn’t mean that we won’t have difficulty, but it does mean that He is still and always, God with Us. That is the hope that keeps us going in and through it all.
It is always good to see family and friends you haven’t seen in awhile, and I did both back home. There were a few mishaps that I am sure we will look back on and laugh….
I gave my brother a recipe for Prime Rib in salt but forgot the operative ingredient (water) that would have made a paste. Instead he spent hours trying to mix flour, salt, and an egg into something that would stick to a piece of meat. It turned out wonderful anyway…..
I also watered the plant on the front porch not thinking of how my Dad’s compulsive worrying about the house would affect things. You see, the water there doesn’t evaporate like the desert, it stays around for days. He thought there was a water leak under the house and proceeded to go crawling around under there with a flashlight. It was only after the fact he asked if anyone had watered the plant by the porch.
He said, “Hallelujah, thank God!” when I told him I had.
Who knew my innocent watering of a plant would set such things in motion?
I have missed you all my friends, hope you had a safe and happy Christmas! It’s good to be back in touch……


Showdown in the Desert

The people walking in darkness have seen a great light; on those living in the land of the shadow of death a light has dawned. Isaiah 9:2

I struggle with this post today. How to get into words what I feel this year? This particular advent? Each year I ask myself the same questions. What did it mean then, and what does it mean today? How can anyone truly understand the wonder of the Living God coming down to earth as a baby? This is why we are celebrating, after all.
Yesterday I saw a sign at a Scottsdale shopping mall describing Santa as “The man of the Season.” Really? I guess for some he is the man of the season, but not for me.
Sometimes…..many times, in our walk of faith we come to a place of decision. That is where I was yesterday. It was difficult to pray. I sat in silence, my heart feeling like a stone. I was struggling. It was a battle I was facing and I had to ask myself a serious question. It was a showdown in the desert. I
Jesus had one too. And He won.
After prayer I came back inside, pacing. Lately I have noticed anger…..resentment bubbling underneath my surface, ready to flare at little meaningless things. I know where it comes from. And I also know that it was a Spiritual battle not a physical one I had to fight.
I know Satan’s tactics. It was between him and me now. I was determined that he would not win. Can I just say to anyone who thinks that Satan isn’t real, that he isn’t absolutely bent on our destruction, just look at our world today. That my friends, is not the work of God.
What He created was and is perfect. Take the human element out of this world and you would be left with the same perfection as in the day of creation. Still and always, good. But thankfully, there is a good human element in play as well. All around us there are those who hold back the tide. And let’s just call it what it is…..evil.
I realized yesterday morning, that if I can’t handle one old, stinky bad tempered woman, yes I did say stinky. We are going on week six of no shower. She gets absolutely hostile and angry when Elaine suggests she take one. So we just keep spraying air freshener and lighting candles throughout the house.
If I can’t handle this situation, then my faith means nothing. I am a fraud as a Christian. I may as not sing one Christmas carol. You see, that was and is the battle. Yours might be different, but we are all in one once we claim the name of Christ. It is not about flesh and blood at all. 
“For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the powers, against the world forces of this darkness, against the spiritual forces of wickedness in the heavenly places.” Ephesians 6:12 
It is an old battle and nothing new. Yesterday I determined that God and I together would win it. Peace will reign in this home, in my heart. I will lay my struggle down at the feet of Jesus. I will let the Spirit take over instead of trying to fight it on my own.


“Therefore, brothers and sisters, we have an obligation—but it is not to the flesh, to live according to it. For if you live according to the flesh, you will die; but if by the Spirit you put to death the misdeeds of the body, you will live.” Romans 8:12

Once I made up my mind……peace flooded into my heart. That is what advent means to me this year. It means peace, it means victory, it means we may have battles, but Jesus has won the war for us!
I continue my count today with renewed gratitude……..Decorating with joy for the season…….A best friend who understands and shares my burdens in prayer and conversation…..Christmas lights that work…..Snowman doormat….new heater in prayer room…….talks by the firelight……Morning chill……a call from my Aunt last night…..laughter when all else fails……Sleigh with stuffed Christmas babies that always make me smile…..#743-#753

Queen of the Mute

My Mom and I are the reigning queens of the mute button. I must give her top billing since she has actually worn the color off her mute button, and I haven’t even come close….yet.

This mute button issue has made others in the same room with us very annoyed at times. When my brother is over he takes control of the remote so he can have a direct line to any channel that Cops might be on. But sometimes my Mom gets control and when she does, it’s war.

His complaint is that she isn’t quick enough on the draw for when the shows come back on. He hates missing the first few seconds of whatever it is they are watching. If it’s a breaking news story I can understand it, you’d hate to miss the first few seconds of that. But the most you can miss on Cops is, “Put your hands where I can…..”

Anyway I digress. At home I let Elaine keep control over the remote. I don’t want the responsibility of the thing. The cats and I settle onto my chair, (a term I use loosely since they always try to squeeze me out of it), and also, we have much the same taste so I will watch whatever is on until I can’t keep my eyes open anymore.

We are not really TV people anyway, we could shut it off for days and not really miss it. We have in fact. Elaine’s parents on the other hand, were TV people. Still are. Now that her Mom is living with us it is really interesting. When she gets the remote, you never know what you will hear from the next room. The other day she had the Spanish channel full blast. Also, with Alzheimer’s, she forgets what the remote is for at times.

One time Elaine was in the shower and her Mom handed the remote control through the curtain and said, “The phone is ringing and I don’t know how to answer it.” And she switches the remotes so that none of them will work, and then furiously punches the button and complains that, “I can’t get this thing to work.”

When they lived in their own home and we would go to visit, they would be sitting in the living room like mole people shades tightly drawn and TV hot to the touch from running Judge shows in a continual stream. I had no idea they had that many. It was extremely depressing to say the least.

And of course now that the Christmas ads have started I may have to take the remote until the New Year. Elaine is pretty good about it. All I have to say when they come on is….Mute, mute! And she does it, usually.

And finally the biggest reason this year that I may have to take ownership of the remote, whereby controlling when and how fast I can mute is this woman right here! She wins top billing in my book for most irritating TV ad personality.

The crazy Target lady. (Bless her heart)

She may just be the reason that my mute button is completely worn down by the end of the month.

Wow, I missed blogging!

I am still on the road……veered off the path back to the desert to visit the Pacific Ocean for two days. It was a spontaneous idea but one that was necessary. Traveling with challenges sometimes makes one do things that are off the beaten path a bit, but it will only set us back one day.

The ocean has always been a mirror to me, a picture of God’s glory and power and magnificence. It always stops me in my tracks. I got some wonderful photos last night and froze…..but it was all worth it. I can brave the elements to stand next to the pounding surf….

I hope to blog again later……And thank you for all your prayers during this trip. They were much needed and appreciated. I am learning to count the miraculous moments, the gifts God has given us this trip. I hold them up to the light today, His light.

I am thankful we have kept our sanity thus far. It was touch and go many times. Elaine’s Mom had taken two falls by the time we pulled up into my folk’s driveway. She had also refused to stay with her brother, who lived 40 minutes away. She thought she was still in Arizona. In the end she did stay, and Elaine got a three day break before picking her up again.

The cross gets heavy at times, but we know His cross was heavier than anything we could begin to imagine. He will carry us through…..

Can you spell STRESS?

Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds…….James 1:2
Pretty amazing, this verse, when you consider that it was written by Jesus brother James, after he became a Disciple and head of the church in Jerusalem……after Jesus resurrection.
That didn’t really sink in to me until I did alittle digging into which James actually wrote it, there were several in the Bible.
Last night was stressful and there were a few misshaps. There always are while traveling with an Alzheimer’s person. But miraculously there were also moments of joy along with the stress.
We had a wonderful meal by candelight outside.
Elaine tearfully said that……”I can’t let her change who I am, I have to stay myself.”
She deals with so much guilt. I do my best to tell her that the guilt is false, but she thinks she has to be perfectly in control and perfectly patient at all times. And that is not humanly possible. But she still trys. I fear that the trying is what drives people over the edge.
Well, that is all for now. Pulling out of the KOA soon….that is, as soon as I get ready. They are all waiting for the blogger to finish…..Sigh.

Holding onto the good

Joy and Peace in Believing by William Cowper
Sometimes a light surprises
The Christian while he sings;
It is the Lord who rises
With healing on His wings;
When comforts are declining,
He grants the soul again
A season of clear shining,
To cheer it after rain.
In holy contemplation
We sweetly then pursue
The theme of God’s salvation,
And find it ever new;
Set free from present sorrow,
We cheerfully can say,
E’en let the unknown to-morrow
Bring with it what it may!

It can bring with it nothing,
But He will bear us through;
Who gives the lilies clothing,
Will clothe His people too;Beneath the spreading heavens
No creature but is fed;
And He who feeds the ravens
Will give His children bread.

Though vine nor fig tree neither
Their wonted fruit shall bear,
Though all the field should wither,
Nor flocks nor herds be there:Yet God the same abiding,His praise shall tune my voice;
For, while in Him confiding,
I cannot but rejoice.

I was looking for a poem about peace…….you see, today we are packing up and driving 12 hours to see family in California. Home…….

We have no idea how it will go. Elaine desperately needs a break from her Mom but that was not possible so she is going with us.

We are going in the Motor home and she has a tendency to get carsick.

She refused to go the other day and then decided she would.

Packed and unpacked 5 times.

We have Dramamine and patches. There are no illusions here. It will not be a true vacation, but sometimes you have to “get outta dodge” anyway.

I am praying for peace for all involved, and for a caretaker who is dangerously close to being at her limit. Actually I think she passed that by awhile back.

I will be in touch. Have laptop and camera, will travel.

We continue with Paul admonition to “cling to what is good.”

Lord of our Harvest

Do you not say, ‘Four months more and then the harvest’? I tell you, open your eyes and look at the fields! They are ripe for harvest. John 4:35

I have always wondered when people say they can’t pray. I think, Why can’t they? Praying is just talking to God. I have always felt, if you can’t pray, then you need to pray about the fact that you can’t pray……

Lately though, I have found a mountain standing in the way of my prayers. The mountain has a name and it’s name is resentment. It snuck in while I wasn’t looking. Like those weeds that choke out the Word, resentment has crept in and made itself at home in the corner of my heart. It thought I wouldn’t notice it there.

Then I noticed another thing, a very miraculous thing…….Those tares that grow side by side with the wheat? They have not been able to choke out the Thanksgiving. It has become a way of life and now it seems I can’t stop counting the blessings.

It is something Supernatural, and God Himself did it.

And now? When I focus on everything that the Lord has already given, I have a harvest where I thought there was none. It is a different harvest that the one I expected, and it seems the more I gather, the more the resentment is beat back into a dark corner where it belongs.

And here’s another thing I noticed. Now when someone says they just can’t pray?

I understand.

He who goes out weeping, carrying seed to sow, will return with songs of joy, carrying sheaves with him. Psalms 126:6

He is more than enough

And He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. 2 Corinthians 12:9
I got home the other night and she was outside on the patio. My best friend of the endless positive attitude…the natural born fixer, the supervisor and mediator of people and situations, cannot fix her Mom. There is no fix for Alzheimer’s…..yet. The look on her face said it all. She was done….spent. Finished. “She drove me nuts today,” she said. “I prayed all day and it didn’t work.” I said, “Yes it did, she is still alive and so are you.” Sometimes it is all you can do to get through the day with your mind and body intact.
Everything she tried to do for her Mom ended in complete and utter frustration.
A woman who used to scream at them for getting in the kitchen while she was cooking, now stands in the middle of the kitchen as her daughter cooks, staring a hole through her. It is disconcerting to say the least.
And then the endless pacing….up and down, back and forth. In her squeaky shoes. Suggestions are met with hostility and you never know when…..It is like walking in two worlds. The regular world and the Alzheimer’s world. Applying the normal rules doesn’t work in an abnormal world.
Harder still, is when you have no good memory bank to pull from because your Mom was never emotionally available to you or for you……never nurturing. What do you do when your own supply of love and devotion is not enough, and when you feel like the sun has gone down and taken every scrap of your strength with it?
When the last thing you want is another thing you have to do.
You rest in the knowledge that
you know…… that you know…… that you know
He is more than enough
His love takes over when ours runs out
He will never, ever ignore His child who prays
Know that the power that raised Him from the grave is enough to raise you…….“Now all glory to God, who is able, through his mighty power at work within us, to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think.” Ephesians 3:20

The Song around the throne

Don’t you wonder where it comes from? That hymn that you almost forgot? It shows up when you are tired, or anxious, or fearful. Or maybe it’s a verse that comes just when you need it. They float in and out. Sometimes they are like a little whisper deep in your soul.

That’s the Holy Spirit. He can’t keep from singing….and in the quiet places in my soul, I join in. I may be anxious, or scared, or worried. But when I hear His song, my own spirit sings along. The arrow of truth sinks deep. It’s His way of reminding me.

Jesus is all I need. Jesus is all I need. That’s the one I kept hearing this morning. Yes, I know He is. My mind and all my past experiences and logic tell me so and I know it to be true. He is more than enough. It’s my heart that falters, slow to get the message.

I was worried about my Mom yesterday. They had to give her a new medication because her heart was beating too fast. The Doctor mentioned stroke. I realized again that someday, sooner than later, I will have to live without her, and I don’t want to.

Jesus is enough, yes. But I want her here too. I can’t think that she won’t be here as long as I will.

I was so distracted and worried that it took someone with Alzheimer’s in the passenger seat to tell me that I had the green arrow….that was right after I heard the loud honking behind me.

Then I got irritated at them because they were impatient and I honked back.

As my cousin would say, Onward Christian Soldiers.

Sometimes it does feel like a war.

Inside me He is singing and I am doing my best to sing along. There is an endless song around the throne of God that I like to imagine. And it never stops.

That’s the one the Holy Spirit sings….and its the one we will all sing one day, by and by.

Drawing from the Well

“But whoever drinks the water I give him will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give him will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life.” John 4:14

What a wonderful thing to have memory…….it is our well-spring that we can draw upon again and again. I think if we counted the times during the day that we dipped into it, we would be surprised, since it is not really a thing we count….

We think of times well-spent and our memory bank is always adding up as the new slide in with the old and they all become part of who we are…..the good ones tend to override the unpleasant ones with enough time and healing.

But if I lost every scrap of my memory today……..God would keep me, I know that. For He has hid His Word deep in my heart.….. I would have the wellspring of His water that never runs out to draw from. I have Very God living in me which will carry me into eternity, along with all that is me……
was me, and will be me.
Everything I am is kept safe in Him, for He has promised that, so there is nothing to fear, not Alzheimer’s…..or cancer….or old age, or anything else……..“and we have a priceless inheritance–an inheritance that is kept in heaven for you, pure and undefiled, beyond the reach of change and decay.” 1 Peter 1:4

I really don’t know how it would be to lose my memory, my mind…..living with someone with Alzheimer’s has made me ask that question. It must be terrifying, I really can’t imagine it. I hope I never have to find out. But one thing I know.

When I have the water that always quenches, it will be more than enough.

thankful for feeling better today, almost over my cold……thankful for two specific things that happened yesterday, one the direct result of prayer…..thankful for days off to re-energize……for God who never gives up on me, even when He sees my inside my heart, it still doesn’t faze Him…..wonderful memories of a great Birthday week…..appliances that keep right on going through the stifling heat of summer….my first cuppa joe in the morning…..people who speak wisdom into my life….the memory of sand in my toes…..and being splashed my precious niece…..#701-711

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