Pulling over and slowing down

And he said to them, “Come away by yourselves to a desolate place and rest a while.” For many were coming and going, and they had no leisure even to eat. Mark 6:31

Last night on the way home, I heard music literally spilling onto a page. It was piano, and the notes were played so fast and yet so perfectly they sounded as if they were spilled, not played. If you have never heard that I hope you do someday. The notes made me feel as if I were sitting in a grand but restful drawing-room in a Downton-like mansion.

Lately I have felt the need to pull off the super-highway of social media. For awhile, I was twittering, pinteresting, face-booking and instagraming all at the same time, simultaneously. Oh, and add blogging into the mix, and reading other’s blogs as well as trying to write my own.

I forgot why I was writing and who I was writing for. I was playing the comparison game and it was wearing me out. In light of that, I have decided that if an activity doesn’t give me a measure of peace, then I will stop doing it. Of course, that doesn’t apply to work, I have to do that.

Sometimes life is like what happened to me in my car last night. I was driving along minding my own business at around 75 MPH when all of a sudden the engine lost power. There were no warning lights on the dash. Nothing to tell me anything was wrong, other than the fact that all of a sudden, cars were zooming by me and I was slowing down.

I had to pull over, and fast. I put my flashers on and got to the side of the road and adjusted the floor mat which I thought maybe was a contributing factor in why I slowed down, I thought maybe it got caught underneath the gas pedal. I cautiously started driving again and it seemed fine, so once again I got up speed and zoomed my way home.

By the time I pulled in the driveway, an indicator light did come on which turned out to be the EPC (Engine Power Control).

Suffice it to say, I have had a warning light to slow down my activity on social media for a time. And I have.

And it has been good for my peace.

I will still blog and get on Facebook and all the rest, but now it will be like touching down and checking in rather than full immersion.

The desert is a peaceful place……and I want to bring that to you in this blog. A little corner away from the multitudes and noise and confusion of the world. I want to bring the peace of Jesus here.

Because sometimes you just have to pull over and let the others just zoom by. If you need me I will be sitting at the base of these trees.

Choosing the Scars

If you asked me for proof of whether God exists and whether He works in the lives of people, I would ask you to peer into my life; for I believe its in the story of our lives where He does His best work. If you could have been watching, you would have seen a girl kneeling by her bed, the one with the ruffly pink chenille bedspread, the one our dog always peed on when it was fresh from the laundry, knowing even then that God was listening.

God has His fingerprint on us from the start, and either we are born with someone in our lives who confirms that or denies it. One thing I know, throughout our lives God keeps tapping us on the shoulder, trying to remind us He’s still there.

My life has been shot through with miracle after miracle, and so has yours. I was born 3 months early in a time when that was a real emergency. If we hadn’t been visiting my Aunt, who lived very close to Stanford Hospital when my Mom went into labor, I may have been returned to sender even before I took a breath.

Flash forward to aged 12 where I sat in the dermatologist office for the first time, a curtain of hair hanging in front of a face marred with early onset adult cystic acne. Around that same time, I walked down the church aisle and gave my life to the Lord, because I knew I needed saving in more ways than one.

If you took a slice out of my life during the ensuing years, you would see many good times doing things together as a family, but you would also see hard days when my Dad hated his job, and mornings when my Mom had to literally pray me out the door before the onslaught of the school day.

And even all these years later I can still feel her hand in mine and hear her voice when she prayed those prayers in the mornings by the light of the fire.

Those prayers carried me through High School where I so much wanted to belong but remained locked inside myself because I didn’t know how to be friends with myself let alone anyone else. Every now and then the acne was not as bad, and I almost felt free, but then it would come back and I would retreat again, inside my music and the dark scrawling in the notebook I carried wherever I went.

All those years the Spirit held me close, but those years also left scars that I didn’t let Him heal and because the mirror I used to view myself was a distorted one, I never saw the beauty that others saw, I just saw the scars.

Then, I went on a diet and lost a few pounds and got a few compliments. I became intoxicated with something I could actually control and I found that when I refused food that I really liked I felt a power I had never felt before.

I became my own superhero and 83 pounds was still not thin enough.

But God still held me fast. He heard the tearful prayers of my parents. One night I had a dream that was suffused with a golden light and when I awoke the next morning I knew that the demon had lost and God had won. I ate forbidden scrambled eggs and then the real work started.

In the dark mornings, God and I would get up and run when no one else could see me. Later, my Dad and I (and God) ran together. Rain or shine, we were out there. In the eighties, I joined the throng of women wearing “Flashdance” sweatshirts and leg warmers and traded one addiction for another.

And all these years later when I hear that song on the radio? I smile and remember those days when I got my health back and felt beautiful for the first time in my life ever.

And knowing God was with me all along.

Today, if you’ve ever wondered if there was a God I challenge you to look at your own life and count up all the things you’ve come through.

You are here friend, because He wanted you here.

Right now today where you stand, wherever you stand, He loves you. He has already partnered with you, all you have to do is accept His invitation to partner with Him. Years later, when you are looking back at your life the way I am looking at mine now, and trust me on this, it is the one thing you will never, ever regret.

And if my scars made the difference between knowing Him and not knowing Him? I would choose the scars every single time.

Joy and Peace in Believing

“Saguaros Praising God”

I caught myself dancing and praising God yesterday while I was going about my chores, and then again today I felt myself not wanting to leave the car, I was so caught up in the music. Every now and again I pause in the midst of living and the magnitude of everything the Lord has brought me through and it leaves me speechless. In those times, the Spirit takes over and bubbles to the surface and I just have to express it.

I find myself wishing I went to a church where dancing was a common form of expression during worship. I feel like the guy that used to jump up and down in the choir in my old church. I always used to worry about him falling off when they stood on risers. He sure looked happy though. Maybe I need to find out what church he goes to now…….Anyway, this poem expresses very nicely what I have been feeling the past couple days. Enjoy.

Joy and Peace in Believing by William Cowper

Sometimes a light surprises
The Christian while he sings;
It is the Lord who rises
With healing on His wings;
When comforts are declining,
He grants the soul again
A season of clear shining,
To cheer it after rain.

In holy contemplation
We sweetly then pursue
The theme of God’s salvation,
And find it ever new;
Set free from present sorrow,
We cheerfully can say,
E’en let the unknown to-morrow
Bring with it what it may!

It can bring with it nothing,
But He will bear us through;
Who gives the lilies clothing,
Will clothe His people too;
Beneath the spreading heavens
No creature but is fed;
And He who feeds the ravens
Will give His children bread.

Though vine nor fig tree neither
Their wonted fruit shall bear,
Though all the field should wither,
Nor flocks nor herds be there:
Yet God the same abiding,
This praise shall tune my voice;
For, while in Him confiding,
I cannot but rejoice.

Broken for You

I was rifling through the CD rack when I happened on one from my old church. The one I still miss so much. We caught a golden wave during those years when we worshipped there. It has changed. We have gone back several times and always felt like we were rushed out. It felt like a drive through service. Oh, it was slick and it was smooth and perfect.

No room for the Holy Spirit.

Still, I wasn’t prepared for my own reaction when the first song came on.

One minute I was standing, and the next I was on my knees on the cold laminate floor, hands in the air. With tears streaming, I remembered.

I had forgotten how anointed music sounds, how it affects you. And once again, all those years were back. All those feelings washed over me and something broke apart in my heart. Something inside me broke and I don’t want to be cold and unbroken anymore. I had forgotten how it felt to lose track of time just praising God and it felt……..so……..good.

I remembered how it felt to want to run down in front of the church again, that feeling of surrender.

I remembered how we would lay hands on those around us if they had a need, and how the Spirit felt like waves across the church. Holy……Holy……Holy.

No one should ever leave the church still holding onto a burden, but so often we do just that because we aren’t given the option, or we don’t take it upon ourselves to seek it out.

Yesterday, I needed out of control praise in my own living room. We have had to be too much in control too long, and it was time to let go. I needed the kind of praise I imagine the woman gave Jesus, the one caught in adultery. I imagine how she felt as she waited for the first stone to strike. Wondering how long it would take to die that way.

I imagine her relief as she heard a thud in the dirt instead and then a gentle hand on her shoulder, and an even gentler voice.

I really don’t think as He helped her up she just shook His hand and said, thank you Sir. I think she fell back to the ground and worshipped at His feet. I imagine she slobbered and wiped her tears and clutched at His robe that was dragging in the dust. I have a feeling she cried and prayed loud sobbing wet tears and wiped her nose on the hem of His garment.

And then maybe He helped her up again and smiled and gave her a rag to wipe her nose. And then I think she might have done a crazy dance like King David did all the way home, waving her hands in the air as her heart tasted forgiveness for the very first time.

I did both of those things in my living room yesterday morning, and it felt good. I want this rock inside me to break apart and stay apart. I want to throw the fish in the pan and let it cook itself and stay here forever like Mary, choosing the better part.

I realize we can’t always walk around a broken up mess, but I wonder why I don’t much more often.

Thank you, Lord. Your timing is perfect as usual.

A Day for God

It’s God’s day today…….a day to rest and reflect on the week. I remembered this day, when the snow dusted the Superstitions, and the challenges at work and the prayers I uttered about everything. He brought me through yet another week and now, marking another Sunday. We remember what He brought us through.

And all I can keep saying is thank you for Your unspeakable gift that big one, Your Son. And thank you for all the little ones in between each and every Sunday.

These Sundays……….mile markers in our walk with You.

I will keep walking, no turning back.

Now we exhort you, brethren, warn those who are unruly, comfort the fainthearted, uphold the weak, be patient with all. See that no one renders evil for evil to anyone, but always pursue what is good both for yourselves and for all. Rejoice always, pray without ceasing,in everything give thanks; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you. Do not quench the Spirit. Do not despise prophecies. Test all things; hold fast what is good. Abstain from every form of evil. Now may the God of peace Himself sanctify you completely; and may your whole spirit, soul, and body be preserved blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ.He who calls you is faithful, who also will do it. 1 Thessalonians 5:14-23

Linking up with the Sunday Community today.

They made me want to go

Every now and then, something you read trickles down to your actual life and it changes the way you think, even the way you live. Something stirs in your soul and reawakens you to something you believed all along.

Good words capture the power behind the action and get it right.

They open you up to new possibilities and remind you that one person can indeed make a great difference in the world, and a few can do even more. Like all great dreams, this one started in the heart of one person, Chris Marlow and like a tumbleweed on fire, that one dream spread to others and they made it their dream too.

And I would never have known about any of this without my friend and fellow blogger, Duane Scott. He was a member of the blogger team that was going there. Oh, I knew about Haiti and the terrible earthquake that happened but like everything else we hear about in the news, it gets sandwiched, stacked on top of every other catastrophe until they all get lost in the big stack of awful stuff.

It all leaves you feeling kind of helpless and like it’s all too big, too futile.

I followed the chronicles of the Haiti blogger team eagerly. When they all boarded the plane, I almost felt like I was going with them. Then, as I read the stories, my tears splashed on the page along with theirs. It was all so much, all too big, the need too great.

I read about the Pastor and his wife who slept out in the open between the children and the child rape and the food that was never enough. And I also read about their great faith and their big smiles and I heard about the church services that went on forever because the people just couldn’t stop praising God. Hello? Something is wrong here.

Then I heard about the school they wanted to build and I learned how my little dollars could make a difference by joining Pure Charity and backing the project. When I figured out that even ten dollars can make a difference over there, I started to change how I spent here.

And now I can’t stop thinking about that school, that playground, and those kids out there playing in the bright Haitian sun. I think of how my niece doesn’t have any kids to play with after school and I think of how much all those children would love to play with her and she with them.

And I can’t get that particular vision out of my head. Why are things so uneven? My niece is special needs and sometimes other kids aren’t sure how to play with her, but I know those kids would because they have special needs of their own…..which one of us doesn’t?

I was raised to be grateful for what I have, and I am a person who has always been mindful about the plight of the poor. I send a check each month to my sponsored child through World Vision along with my prayers, which can never do enough.

And I never lay my head on my pillow at night without thanking God for my bed. I ask myself why they were born there and me here, with so much. And I know that just thanking God is not enough.

Help join me in making dreams a reality for these kids, and for your own neighborhood kids as well. Join Pure Charity and back a project today.

You won’t be sorry you did.

And to think it all started with the Haiti bloggers and their stories, and how they almost made this hobbit-like, comfort loving, safety-concious barely leaving my continent homebody want to go there.

The Snow Day

Tuesday night my little corner of the desert took a cue from the rest of the country and got uncharacteristically cold and gray. When dawn drew aside her curtain we were treated to a view that was almost Holy.

Snow had dusted the top of the Superstition Mountains…..and all day long my camera beckoned from its place on the shelf.

I needed to get closer to that view…..closer to God. I drove through rain-soaked drizzle and felt the snap in the air as I waited for the heater to kick in.

My spirit was bogged down with an anchor that held my heart fast, kept it from sailing free.

And in this life isn’t there almost always a pain, a heartache, an issue, “a thing” to weigh down our hearts? But I have learned one very important bit of wisdom in my time on this earth.

Really, you could say that it is one of the most important lessons to learn.

God is always there too, and He’s always bigger than the thing, whatever that thing is.

Sometimes, we just need to know that He remembers us down here; that’s how I found myself praying that day, as I drove.

Remember me Lord…….remember me as You remembered Noah, Moses and Abraham.

See this woman down here; this woman driving around getting lost looking for the perfect view of the mountain, the perfect view of You. One who worries about her family. Remember me as my pain blooms to life once again by something I see that reminds me of what used to be.

And then somehow, a miracle does happen because it’s not only God remembering me, but me remembering God, and all the big things He’s brought us through before and I know He will again.

On days when we’d rather throw the covers over our head, what we need to do is swing our feet over the side of the bed and ask God what kind of miracle you and He are going to pull off together. It’s what I had to do this morning……

I remember You, God. And today I will set my sights on Heaven.

Since you have been raised to new life with Christ, set your sights on the realities of heaven, where Christ sits in the place of honor at God’s right hand. Think about the things of heaven, not the things of earth. For you died to this life, and your real life is hidden with Christ in God. And when Christ, who is your life, is revealed to the whole world, you will share in all his glory. Colossians 3:1-4

Of Planks and Beams

I wasn’t going to go out to the prayer shed today…..it was gray and a bit chilly and I just ran out of propane in my little heater yesterday, so I lit a candle in the living room. But it wasn’t the same. The light in the sky drew me out anyway, that’s a sacred part of the day and I hate missing it.

It wasn’t really that cold once I got out there, so I grabbed my coffee, lit my little lantern and settled in my chair.

It felt right…….I need the separateness of my “closet.”

I thought about the conversation I was going to have soon. It is inevitable. I thought about all the ways it could go, what I will say, working it all out in my mind. It’s always so hard when it’s someone you love. But it’s for love’s sake that I must have it.

I will trust the Holy Spirit with my words. He speaks way better than I ever could.

I opened my Bible and it fell to the part where Jesus is talking about beams and specks and sawdust depending on which translation you read, and He’s not talking about construction. So today, I am working on my beam…..the one that gets lodged in my own eye from time to time. I am making sure it’s cleared out before I start looking for specks somewhere else.

I will post about Haiti tomorrow, but this was fighting its way out and it had to come first.

Until then, Jesus and I will be working on my beam together.

“Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.” Matthew 7:3-5

What 53 has taught me

I don’t know much, but it’s hard not to pick up a few things by the time you live to see 50, if you are paying attention that is. Regretfully, I have spent too much of life not paying attention, but a few things have stuck along the way. I have been blessed by many people who have nurtured them into my life so I can’t take full credit, I am just bringing the list to life…..The list is partial, and I hope I never stop adding to it.

Make sure the people you share your life with are never ever lonely in their own home. It happens a lot.

Don’t burden your child with talk of bills and finances and not having enough money, let them be a kid with kid worries.

Know that you can never change someones heart, only God can do that.

Surround yourself with people who are positive and know how to find humor in every situation.

Find time to do silly kid things, no matter how old you are. Roll down a hill, blow bubbles, eat fake food with your kids or grandkids…..pretend. I dare you to skip in public.

Sometimes in relationships, little by little one person ends up carrying the whole load. Every now and then, evaluate things…..find out if they are crushed under a burden they were never meant to carry. Take your part of the load back before it’s too late.

If you see someone doing something right, with their kids, with their husband or wife, or friend or neighbor…..let them know you notice.

Spend time alone with God first thing in the morning, even if it’s only for a few minutes. Those few minutes will make the rest go further.

Teach your children to be a nature lover, to listen for bird calls, see the brilliance of sunsets, to watch for the moonrise. To see each day as a miracle. That will help keep them grounded all through their life…….and hopefully, it will help introduce them to God.

Don’t bother attending a church unless you feel the presence of the Holy Spirit there.

Always remember that anger is a choice. You can restrain yourself in other places, such as work or school or in public, so you can hold that temper at home too.

Laying in bed staring at the ceiling makes the mind spin, putting your face to the pillow is better for blocking things out.

Live with an attitude of gratitude. Look for the things to be grateful for, they are all around you.

Teach your child to be kind to animals, it will follow through with people.

Life is hard……but without God life is impossible.

Blessings to you today, and peace. I hope you enjoyed my list. Feel free to add to it in your comments. I look forward to reading them.

For this reason I kneel before the Father, from whom every family in heaven and on earth derives its name. I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God. Ephesians 3:14-19

in Just-spring

By E. E. Cummings 1894–1962

in Just-

spring when the world is mud-

luscious the little

lame balloonman

whistles far and wee

and eddieandbill come

running from marbles and

piracies and it’s

spring

when the world is puddle-wonderful

the queer

old balloonman whistles

far and wee

and bettyandisbel come dancing

from hop-scotch and jump-rope and

it’s

spring

and

the

goat-footed

balloonMan whistles

far

and

wee

When I first heard this poem by ee cummings I was so struck by the imagery of it, I never forgot it. I don’t remember what class I was sitting in or what teacher it was that made it come alive when they read it aloud but I do remember feeling like he got it just right.

I remember walking home from school in February or March after a cold spring rain, walking through puddles and seeing daffodils and tulips bowing under the weight of the water, and then how vibrant and alive the world turned when the sun came out. Each time, I would remember this poem, and the little lame balloon man. In my mind I could see him part walking, part listing from side to side with his big bunch of balloons for sale.

Good poetry, like good art or good music wakes us up, stuns us with the beauty of the world. That’s because it is God inspired. Great music….great art…..great poetry or writing, has the power to lift us beyond ourselves. If it is truly good, it makes us better.

It’s why people gasp and fall silent when they first see a true Masterpiece in an art gallery. Like nature, it wiggles you down to the core……takes your breath away and makes the world stop for just a moment.

Because just for an instant you almost believe you’ve found God’s pulse.

Lori's Prayer Closet

"And when you pray, go into your room, close the door and pray to your Father, who is unseen. Then your Father, who sees what is done is secret, will reward you……"Matthew 6:6

Author: lorisprayercloset